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W4D6:  well I finally managed to stop the hunger--it only took 6,000 calories and nearly making myself sick, but at least now I don't want to eat anything at all.   No Move goal for the day, and Drink is a pass because only one of my sodas for the day wasn't zero-sugar.   This week has been garbage; I need a hard reset and some easy wins.

Thanks, Mistr. I feel much more like myself. Game was great!   Thanks, Heidi. Houseguest is away and I am much more relaxed.  ❤️   I love this artist so much. The whole series is so great. Thanks, Sea-to-sky. Birthday lasagna is amazing. And it has a layer of dry cured pepperoni under the top layer of cheese which is unusual and highly decadent.    Thanks, Snarky!   *scribbles notes frantically* I mean, of course!    Yes, thankfully. lol   Yup, all gone! I am enjoying the morning, I work at 11 today. Hopefully he packs and such while I am at work so we can spend the evening together.  Blue skies! Hooray! ❤️      Morning Friends!   Oh my goodness this having the house to ourselves is just SO LOVELY. *happy sigh* Now to get back on track for the last week of this challenge! I think today will be an easy day and I will start to square up a bit tomorrow after Dave heads out. I will have time to get my house tidy and some of my habits on track and see where it goes from there.    I had been painting my Xorn for last night’s game yesterday morning when Dave texted and said he needed to take me to work an hour and a half early so he could be in a meeting. So I packed up my painting kit, planning to finish my figures at work and then start my shift. Except when I got there it was super busy so I ended up working right away. I am not mad about it because the extra money will be nice, but it did mean that I was frantically trying to paint eyes on my Xorn during my 15 minute break. *lol*   Speaking of money I checked in on the Visa this morning and we are finally under the $29k mark that we have been holding steady at for the past while. I am so grateful that we didn’t put any money on the card while Houseguest was here. I used it to pay for a friend’s birthday present this morning, but I have the tip money I need to cover it so I will deposit that on Monday and apply the payment. I am finding that while I am definitely having my magpie moments (omg, I want so many sets of dice right now, it’s a little absurd) I am doing really well with my no spend. It is actually helping to remind myself that the debt reduction is more permanent than the stuff I want (or at least I am telling myself it is) and that I can have it later. In the nature of capitalism, maybe the exact things I want won’t be available, but other things that I will like will be. In other money talk, the Canadian government is issuing lump sum payments to disabled individuals and apparently the Bipolar qualifies. Something something tax credit? I admit, I don’t understand the mechanics of it, but it has the potential to be a *lot* of money. Like tens of thousands. It feels like a scam somehow, but my psych is aware of it and willing to help me fill out the paperwork needed to apply and my Dad and Aunt have both been after me to do it, so it seems very valid. My Aunt applied on my cousin’s behalf (he has ADHD) and got something like $12k back and a tax credit status that rolls forward each year, apparently forever? Friends, it seems way too good to be true but bet your butts I am going to try for it and see what comes of it. I am so well medicated that I don’t feel disabled most of the time, but as my Dad pointed out, where would I be without my meds? Certainly not holding down a job, married, etc. I would definitely be homeless and possibly dead if the suicidal ideation actually got me particularly badly at some point. It’s wild to think about. Anyway, cross your fingers for me that I get some kind of news about that in the future. My appointment to fill out the paperwork is in May and then it will probably take a few months to process.    I am caffeinated and ready to face the day. I hope that you are likewise forward facing and full of verve. May the sun shine brightly on you at some point today and envelope you in warmth. Thanks for being here. ❤️ 

All right! List time 🤩 Feed the beasts dogwalk youngest two dogwalk senior guy Clean up back yard farmer’s market breakfast & track shower, brush teeth lifting - pretty sure i have enough plates that i can do it at home today!! Whee! review music (pomodoro) paper (pomodoro) dissertation notes (pomodoro) message friend about free yoga next week! And sign up myself prep soup prep cornbread (optional) bake cake!!  Bath??

Yeah, I wouldn't put it past him! Mind you, this adventure is scary enough without him throwing anything more cruel on top.

My thoughts for the last week has been circling around I can do better.  Not "I need to do better", not "I want" not "I should", but "I CAN do better" I have more capacity right now. I'm not working 50+ hour weeks. I'm not in pain when I get home from work. Right now, I can do better, and it feels kind of exciting.    I was doing Bistro MD for a while to cover basically all my food needs, and it was helping me lose weight, but I couldn't afford to keep going with it. Since I stopped it,  my weight has basically been flat, falling a between 366 and 368lbs.  I've got a solution for work lunches that is working well for me. Get three salad kits, cook up some chicken, and BAM, lunches solved. Getting different kits, so there's some variety.    What I need is a better solution for dinners. I've been looking at some budget friendly, simple meals, and this week, I'm going to try cooking. I'll make one of the dishes Sunday, eat part of the leftovers Monday, and cook again Tuesday. That should give me enough to last the rest of the week, switching between the two meals.  I know it seems like a stupid small thing, but from where I've been, this actually feels like a big step for me.   Plan for yesterday Listen to praise music✔️ Put lotion on feet✔️ Work✔️ Drink bottle of plain water✔️ Tidy around chair✔️ Make grocery order✔️ Brush and floss In bed by 10✔️   Plan for today Listen to praise music Put lotion on feet Trim and paint nails Go to painting group Drink bottle of plain water Put groceries away Do laundry Put laundry away Brush and floss In bed by 10

No hangboarding this week. Did an extra climbing session though

high knees. - went for a run instead on that day calf raises 🐝  side to side jumps - my knee said no tree pose. 🐝 wobbly but made it single leg bridges 🐝  ugh high crunches 🐝 long enough breaks to call it sets back fists - that's a no from me, do not want   That counts as a workout, right?

Good grief life gets in the way.  incoming   Thursday   Saturday Friday  

Well, it’s Saturday morning and my pets are all fed / medicated and I’m chilling with a latte and the Carolina wren who shares the property with us is singing his little lungs out. Not bad! I hope all your neighbouring birds are singing too.   Yesterday went from heavy rain in the morning to suddenly clear and fluffy white clouds in a bright blue sky in the afternoon. I took it as a sign and put the paper away & went for a little walk (which turned into a longer walk as i got messaged from our neighbourhood buy nothing group that i could pick up a shiatsu massager, but it was on the very far side of our neighbourhood!) Food was pretty good yesterday, for the first time in a long time tracked everything and did some cooking. A little progress integrating the new stats into the paper but not quite submittable yet. On the inflow side of work, got TWO new editorial assignments, bleh. As planned, i didn’t do anything to address them yesterday, but they’ll be there waiting on Monday for sure along with all the other stuff.   So yesterday’s list was just focused on a few things, and the to-do list was very terse and all broad strokes - I kind of liked the focusy part (most days my energy is drawn to a million different trivial tasks) but not the broad strokes aspect of the list… I like identifying and knocking off all the baby steps much better! The more you know…   today’s list is not yet finalized, but will include some Grease review, the usual dogwalks, a walk to the farmer’s market ISO rhubarb, maybe another walk with youngest dog to her favourite play park if we get back in time, some lifting (as yet unknown whether I’ll ride bike to campus or if i can macgyver something here using the weights i have at home), one pomodoro of paper revision just to keep things greased and groovy, one pomodoro of dissertation review for an exam coming up early next week, and fixing dinner for me and kid 1. Maybe a bath too if I get all that other stuff done!   Hubs comes home today, bringing kid 2 home from university for the summer!! Happy dance!!!

ME TOO! Even if it's a really pleasant time, my ears will literally hurt if I listen to people talking for long periods of time. Most of the time when I have my ear buds in, I'm not listening to anything, it's just muffling out the noise. I live with a blind person so the talking is constant. If someone isn't talking or describing something, then music is playing or podcasts/radioshows/audiobooks/etc. my ears literally hurt.  I have no solutions, I just wanted to say "omg, me too, it's so nice not to be alone!"