Grizzy

First rule of baby sleep is don't say you think it's getting better because the next day will inevitably be terrible. Now baby is very clearly getting a tooth, so at least there's a reason which should resolve soon. But also the other front bottom tooth may be imminent. We've been getting outside lots. I shoveled some dirt and pruned some trees today. I have not cable machined much. Twice so far this challenge. Whomp.

Yeah she is trying soooo hard to crawl.

Sorry Everstorm, I can't get the quote box to delete. Baby has been sleeping SO BAD. Hourly or more frequent wakeups, refusal to fall back asleep on her own, waking up shortly after being put down much of the time if she doesn't wake while being put down, awake and refusing to be put to sleep by any means for an hour at a time at least once a night. And it's baffling because she can fall asleep in her crib at the start of nights and naps. Her schedule is age appropriate, she's being fed plenty, she gets daily sunlight with the recent more temperate weather, and I would suspect teething but every time I suspected teething it wasn't teething. We're going a bit insane over here.

Mine is starting to get better with sleep. But will it be 5 minutes? 20? An hour? Four hours? There is no rhyme or reason and no one knows. I am currently nap trapped after she tried to abort mission at 25 minutes.

This one is a stage 5 Velcro baby, I'm telling you. For a kid we thought might be blind she sure as hell knows when you aren't directly watching her play.

I think it can be really easy for the non-primary parent to want a second because it's just easier for them. I've jokingly/not jokingly said "you be mom and we'll have another." I think it's possible he can be convinced. We've had conversations about how he is chafing under the less substantial restrictions of being dad to an infant, and if he realizes it's only going to be harder with two unless his business starts making much more money and we can hire a lot of help. I'm thinking crazy high support, like a nanny and regular night nurse and a housekeeper and an absurd amount of delivery meals. Or like paying rent and living expenses for my parents to live here the first year so they can be present and largely committed to being our village (but my grandparents would have to die first, which is morbid and undesirable enough where I'm not betting on it). Also heavily supplemented with formula or donor milk and not the absolute commitment that is exclusively breastfeeding. What's ridiculous is that if we were both working at what our salaries have peaked at we could absolutely do this. But we would have to both work probably full time and I have never really been good at work, hellooo ADHD. Honestly I'm surprised it took me this long over my career to ever get fired-ish. We waited so long to have kids because neither of us WANTED to HAVE to work full time with a kid and put them in daycare. But we also thought I would be cut out for full time momming in the baby years and omg I am not. I'm also not very cut out for sending my kid to daycare, which is why I would love a nanny full time but to not work full time. Like I want to be here, but I want to be able to shower, eat, go to the bathroom, and nap without a baby on me or screaming about my activities not involving them or sneaking things in around still sometimes short and unpredictable naps. TLDR I maybe a little want a second kid but also like, an additional person or more around and awake at all times to help. People were not designed to raise babies between only two people, and the lack of real villages sucks.

I think my shoulder is recovered enough for a workout. I really want to deadlift something.

Ugh I'm in a MOOD today. Just feeling kind of down and sad. I think I need to get off reddit. I had a free consult with a sleep consultant and she sent me her pricing structure and I'm like... I don't think I can justify 2500 for the promise that my baby will be sleeping well in four months. When it's possible that will happen via development? Especially when down an income. Even when I was working that was nearly half my monthly gross pay. One thing that's bumming me out is conversations that we've had lately that make me REALLY excited to get to the next life stage with older kids and no babies. But it's clear husband wants more, and I... Don't. This is just really hard and all the things I'm excited about doing in the future basically only feel possible when I don't have an infant. And even if it was easier I just don't want another.

The cornflower looks so good!!!!

Yes, I'm trying to decide what to do this year. Tomatoes are always on the list. I'll do the various unlabeled hot pepper plants I have potted indoors, plus I'll probably just buy a bell pepper start from the store. The last few years I've been planting a ton of lettuce in early spring because it's usually done by the time it's warm enough to transplant tomatoes in the ground. But I always have way too much lettuce; as much as I want to be, I'm not a salad person. It kind of made sense when I had rabbits because I could feed them excess every day and they would be pleased as punch. I think I'll start some spinach in the early spring. Because that I can just throw into any hot meal. Then in summer I'll do peppers, tomatoes, and basil, with calendula and nasturtium planted around. I should figure out when to start basil indoors, and should start my tomatoes soon. Space pending I might do a pumpkin and a spaghetti squash. It's nice that I've been gardening long enough that I know what things we won't eat even if they do well and what things won't do well without way more attention. Things I've done in the past: Peas - rabbits always eat them Beans - we never eat them enough Carrots - never get any big ones and I find anything I have to direct sow annoying Radishes - same as carrots Potatoes - never felt like we got more than like 2 potatoes and potatoes are cheap Squash - we don't eat summer squash. Butternut squash is all right but I can never cook it right. Asparagus - sprouted and died. Arugula - it spread and now I never need to actively plant it again Oregano - ditto arugula Cabbage - don't think it ever grew Cantaloupe - didn't grow Eggplant - too dry here Lettuce - has the tiny seed problem and the we don't eat much problem. Chard - didn't grow and I don't really like chard? Broccoli -huge plant, one floret, usually gets stolen by deer The one of these I would like to give another go sometime is asparagus, because it's a perennial and I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of food that just comes back each year. I have a number of fruit trees in my yard planted over the last 5 years and a couple raspberry bushes, gooseberry bushes, and a rhubarb. But as with many other things, we don't really eat asparagus. But part of that is the high variance in quality when we buy it.

I can't wait for more consistent warmer weather. There is a high correlation between spending time outside, or even just out of the house, and baby sleeping well. Plus I want to garden. I've realized my bandwidth doesn't extend beyond a small section of yard, but there's a pretty small variety of stuff I actually care to eat if we grow it that does well anyhow. Yesterday I made a good meal of healthy, veggie filled fajitas. Baby was very invested in stealing my food as usual and didn't seem disgusted biting into a chunk of broccoli. I think I'm due for another cable machine workout, but my shoulder feels messed up for some reason.

I looooved APsalm for the Wild-Built.

Some days! It has been colder than I would like but warm enough to get out at least briefly in the afternoons most days. I have done 2 sessions on the cable machine. We have had 1 meal that I'm very happy with and several like, eh this is fine meals. Life updates - I quit my job. It was kind of a resign or likely get fired situation but I was prepared because the writing has been on the wall with this company for a while and I've just kind of been holding on as long as they would tolerate an unreliable half time employee. We'll be fine though. We planned financially for the possibility that I wouldn't go back to work at all. Baby has had her 6 month appointment and so many shots. We hated her new pediatrician who basically immediately told us we had to cry it out or she would never sleep. Two days later with no changes she slept through the night. I'm kind of relieved I no longer am working because baby also has craniosacral therapy once a week and play based PT twice a week for torticollis and mild plagiocephaly.

Yesterday we used the cable machine and went on a family walk. Got outside twice. Today the weather seems less amenable.

Omg so fun. Hoping to be more present and accounted for this challenge!