Maggie-Miau

Mom is furious with me because i didn't feel like driving broski to the store today I called samhsa and wound up just sobbing down the phone line I don't even know what I called them for I can't breathe and I want to move to NY with my friend but I also just feel like seeing chellers put down opened up a stupid little tab in my brain that's like "That's what I want" and I don't know what to do

Therapist gave me a referral for some further adhd testing

Cat chelly died today. Liver failure.

Stomach bug today yeehaw My blood pressure is nonexistent rn I am Freezing

I think I've solved my nutrition problems I'm keeping protein powder (30 protein) and soymilk at work along with my personal blender. Also oatmeal packets and mixed nuts (I like to add nuts to oatmeal for texture) Then as long as I keep some quinoa and assorted beans on hand I can mix those with chopped vegetables for easy salad

I'm excited about it! As of right now I'm thinking I would want to stay in insurance (I really do enjoy my current job!) But I would just have to get licensed in New York. By the time this actually happens though I'll be way more experienced, so taking a test for a different state will be no big deal. 😊

Omg my friend in New York suggested that she and I could potentially be roommates. It'd take a few years to make it happen but !!!!!! I am excited at the prospect

Got my groceries, stuff for two shakes a day as well as quinoa for salads. Also got cat litter and assorted bits. Should be alright till the 5th.

Very proud of you for your continued sobriety, sap! You're doing amazing even when you don't feel like you are. You've also done a great job raising Bronze!

Things are bad with the family this morning

Ngl the thing about the two year window on the life insurance policy is that mine is just a 25k and I know that would do exactly heck all for the family so I need to add a term rider on there to keep it from being completely useless

Off work today bc I had such spectacular panic attacks yesterday So I've been struggling intensely with Memory and Focus and just feeling bad in general. My counselor wants me to try affirmations I've made a list of things to work on and I know diet and exercise are on up there. We're all broke right now but I'm going to pick up some vega sport and aim for two of those shakes a day to get 60 protein. I'm thinking salads with nuts and such otherwise. Def need to get in more movement, either before or after work or both. And get daily routines in general sorted bc I desperately need to automate as much as possible

Hi Sal! Following, love! ❤️ For the diet instead of figuring it all out at once, what's One change that you can make for now?

Good evening I had a a series of small emotional breakdowns at work and got desperate enough to take not the one prescribed Ativan but four of them Not in a good way rn and would very much rather not exist at all but Juggling my job is a lot like juggling. Constant influx of tasks mostly pleasant Except things have been weird in the office lately and the anxiety is acting up and I really believe no one wants me to keep working there i think I'm a joke to them and they don't like having me around and why would they considering I don't like me either I am flat broke until the 5th (rent week sucks) but will hopefully be able to get some protein powder at least. I have to get more energy.

I had an appointment with my counselor on Friday to talk about the Nerves and changes at Work and Attachment Issues and wanting to love Alone and being worried about Mom Dying (she is doing exactly Nothing to address health issues so i feel like we're on a ticking clock and do not think I can handle things in a "Keep her out of nursing home" capacity if something goes horribly) Also have appointment on the 20th with new actual doctor for some more evaluations re: bipolar 2 We may actually be getting Two new teammembers at work, one of whom is bilingual! Equal parts excited and nervous about this change Chelly is on a higher dose of insulin now bc his blood sugar isn't under control yet but he's doing okay I have been working on Cleaning today bc the family wrecked the kitchen after the last deep clean and it's been making me sad and annoyed I found a vegan protein powder that has very high protein, like 50g. I've been in another food slump and not eating well, thinking about giving it a try to see if it'll perk me up a little energy-wise and maybe help out at the gym (which I need to start going back to) I feel like time is going by too quickly and I can't catch my breath or do everything I need/want to, not just lately but in a long time. Was so tired today I didn't wake up in time for church Have been in a movie mood lately too so recently watched Tick Tick Boom, enjoyed that one. Also watched one called Apostle even tho I don't usually go in for scary movies, actually really enjoyed that one even though I'd only rate it about 6.5/10, the concept was really good. Shockingly I also watched It 2017 in a fit of boredom and bad decisions. I think I wanted to see what the hype was about. It did not affect me on a fear level but it did annoy me severely. I feel like the character work was lacking and the dramatic moments felt flat and not well set up. Also felt like having Beverly get kissed not once but twice without permission in the end undermines the whole point of her character. Stephen King seems like a decent guy but I want to fight him.