Mollum

I think (for me) it's so difficult to like myself when I don't like my body. Or when I don't even accept my body and am constantly frantically striving toward changing it. And when I'm in that state, I find it impossible to believe that anyone else would ever like me! Which gets in the way of dating, and, to be quite honest, any activity in which I have to believe that I am a worthy person (e.g. applying to graduate school, taking leadership at work, etc.) I think the only phase in my life at which I, for a few brief and wonderful moments, had reached a balanced state where I liked my body and the person I was within it, was perhaps three years ago, while I was at college. At that time, I felt so good about myself - good enough to wear short skirts, dye my hair blue, and approach a girl I really liked with confidence in myself. A few people raised the topic of body positivity, and I would like to say that my discovery of that movement definitely had a significant role to play in the development of that mindset! That was also the point at which I began realising that beauty is not determined by beauty standards, and that the people I found most beautiful were passionate and funny and joyful about life and unapologetically themselves -- and so that's what I tried to find in myself and share with the world. And my fitness journey (which was ongoing) was separate from my conception of beauty, for a bit. I think I'm thinking about this again because I just saw @IslandGirl_Becks' comment and it's funny, because I think I just caught feels for an old friend Also, I had a bit of a bad day in terms of feeling really shit about my body and my looks, triggered by meeting another old friend in the morning, who always has lots of snide insults and backhanded compliments to make about my body and my looks. This friend was always the "chubby one" of our group back in school, and she was made fun of for that, and for other aspects of her appearance. It's funny, because she is now stunning (very conventionally so). But, I mean, she puts a lot of effort into making herself stunning. My mom explains the comments by saying she's insecure -- but aren't we all? And I don't think everyone goes around making constant comments about other people's looks and bodies. It's frustrating and exhausting and makes me kind of miserable. I always find myself making an effort to look extra pretty when I go meet her, only to have my self image demolished. It sucks. I want to be around people who make me feel beautiful, I guess -- who draw out that passion and joy for life from me. I was just scrolling through a body positivity Instagram and just totally crushing on the girl who runs it, and I kind of realised that while I do want to lose weight...I also want to be beautiful in the way of someone who is passionate about life, and when my life is kind of ruled by my anxiety about looking a certain way, or, alternatively, by my depression, I don't have the time or energy to seek out the things that make me happy and invigorate me. i guess the challenge for me is figuring out a way to incorporate fitness into my life without it being a body-anxiety-driven thing, if that makes sense. And once that is done, I can focus on the things that make me happy.

No, you're exactly right, and it's also a matter of what you believe yourself to be - that translates so much into behaviour. I need to start opening up to possibilities. And yes, I definitely don't feel like I have as much "value" as a romantic prospect without a good body. And it's difficult to remember that I do. Also, dating is hard in general :/

Hi. I've been thinking a lot about what you've said here. It makes a lot of sense. But it's so difficult to internalize this. But it's definitely what I needed to hear.

Thank you for these responses. Im definitely trying to be open and to feel positively about myself. I guess what I find is that it feels hard to get people to become interested in you if you are not a certain level of attractive. It's hard to take things further. And that may also have to do with general reticence, it's not all about my body image stuff. But what you all said does make a lot of sense.

So I've been thinking a bit about this lately. I'm in my early twenties and I've sort of been casually dating people who I meet on tinder now and then but I don't really know how to take it forward with people I genuinely like. And I have never really dated anyone seriously, and I think a big part of that is how I feel about my body. A ) I always keep aspiring towards this level of ultimate hotness that I think will change everything for my romantic life but I know it won't. b ) I also know that there are so many people out there who are maybe not in the best shape but have healthy and happy dating lives/relationships, but I find this hard to apply this to my own life. I don't know, they also seem attractive to me. It's also really confusing, because it's difficult to perceive your own body the same way you perceive others'. There are plenty of people who are not in perfect shape who I find incredibly attractive. Which brings me to this open thread. How do you all do it? How do you date, while knowing that you are not in the shape you want to be in? How do you figure out whether you are the kind of person, physically, that people would want to date?

It's been a while since I logged on to NF but I think the general principles I learned here have helped me so much even if I haven't been actively tracking changes. This time last year, I went to a family wedding. When the pictures from the wedding went on facebook, I was kind of horrified. I looked terribly fat, and I was really shocked because I had not realized I had gotten so fat. I had been working out on and off with my dad but it did not seem like it had made much difference. That was when it kind of sunk in that I was obese. So as soon as I got back home from the wedding, I signed up for the gym, and started working out, and I think it was February when I found NF, which really helped me because it helped me look at my efforts in terms of making my body my own, instead of losing weight for other people. I exercised relatively regularly for about three months, and then it kind of went back to on and off, but I did continue making diet changes. I stopped eating out so much, stopped drinking so often, and part of that is a new job that does not allow me the chance to do that stuff during the week because of the intense timings, lol, but part of it is a sustainable shift in behavior. And I guess I did not feel like I had made significant changes, and until last month I was kind of depressed over a whole year lost and no changes made. These last couple of months, especially, I haven't been able to do any exercise at all since I have graduate school apps going on in addition to an intense two months at work. But then I stepped on the scale after a while and realized that I am now a whole twenty pounds lighter than I was last year in December. And then we had an eightieth birthday party for my grandfather a few days ago, and the entire extended family flew in, and I got plenty of compliments on losing weight, and I feel proud of myself, especially because it has happened so slowly that it really feels like sustainable change. And the pictures are on facebook now and I can see the change!! I am not where I want to be yet - I think I have about twenty more pounds to go - but it feels possible now! So, here's one good thing that happened in 2k16

As you can see from my battle log, May was supposed to be the month I respawned. I had fallen sick and also tried a new method of controlling food intake in April, which hadn't worked. And I was so encouraged by my March progress - I wanted to replicate it. I tried to get back on track counting calories, which worked great for about a week. Then we got a new puppy, who we named Frodo, and that sort of became the whole focus of our lives. But he got sick with an infection he had picked up before coming to us. It was really awful - he couldn't eat, he was constantly vomiting and pooping blood. He died, which was really difficult to handle, and we are still grieving him. It was wrenchingly difficult to watch him get sick, and we deal with that kind of sadness in our family by eating - so I don't even want to think about what I have eaten in the past two weeks... A lot of stuff has been happening. My friend came to visit this weekend, two days after our puppy died...I haven't had time to even process anything or get back to normal life. Also. Two days ago, my dad and I had a horrible fight. I can't live with him anymore, and I'm planning to move out. My current job ends in a week, and then I start a new one on June 10th. I met a close friend after three months yesterday and fought with her also (although now it's okay). I'm supposed to travel during the vacation I get between the old job and the new, but I'm thinking of cancelling those plans. I feel like I need some time to get grounded and back to a routine, and to process everything that has happened, but also I've wanted to travel for so long and now I finally have the opportunity. Forget weight loss, even grad school applications have not been happening. I feel my depression coming back and I feel terrified by how much there is to do. After graduating college, I had hoped to lose a good amount of weight and figure out what I wanted to study in grad school and heal from my previous bout of depression. I don't think I've done any of that, and right now - a year after grauating - I feel like my life is still in the process of being fixed and I've made very little progress. I don't want to go back to school like this. I want to have figured out a healthy way of living and being independent. I recently saw some pictures on facebook of me a year ago, and it terrifies me how fat I got. My mom tells me I got even fatter after those pictures - and I have no idea where I am at right now. I don't know why I did this to myself, and I feel like I have to do so. much. to fix my life which is a mess right now.

I love this challenge! Awesome goals. And awesome display picture. SAME about tracking - when I don't track I'm like "oh this piece of cake doesn't really count". I might borrow the tracking goal for my challenge (hope that's okay). Good luck good luck good luck!

So I finally bit the bullet and started a battle log! (And came back to NF!) Hey all. Quick summary of where I am at, and what I have been doing. Weight: ~80 kilograms, or 175 lb. Age: 23 I gained a lot of weight in college and also developed really unhealthy habits. I want to fix this right now; I feel like it'll become very hard to work on developing new habits once I have real jobs/grad school. It's hard now, tbh. I started the lifestyle change in February. I started going to the gym, and eating ~1200 calories per day. Unfortunately, I was stupid and didn't take a progress pic and/or measurements. I feel like I made some gains in February but there's no way to tell. Definitely had more energy for sure! In March, I exercised for an hour in the morning maybe 4-5 days a week, and ate ~1200 calories. I'm using MyPlate to track. According to my April 1 measurements, I lost 4 inches off my waist, and 2 off my hips and thighs. That was super encouraging!! I literally didn't believe it. My progress pics also showed the change. However, I didn't lose any weight. In April, I dropped the ball because of getting sick + transport issues. I also tried another method of regulating my diet: eating "real food" and watching portions. That didn't work for me, so I'm back to I gained one inch back on my waist. Again, same weight. In May, I'm trying to develop the habit of waking up early and going for a brisk walk/doing the body weight workout. I am also back to eating ~1200 calories and tracking. I get the feeling most of my success or failure depends on my diet, based on observing what has worked and what hasn't. Exercise helps me feel a lot more energetic, joyful, positive towards my body, and healthy. I'm sure it's also doing good things to my organs etc. The body-fat and weight loss seems to depend mostly on diet, though. So I will prioritize diet over exercise in a crunch - though the best situation is, of course, if I accomplish both in the day. I will probably update this weekly or biweekly.

BLARGH Well, the 4 week challenge is almost done, and I was doing okay until three days ago...when my sister got nachos...which I then ate. I had Coke with my meal too and they were the worst nachos ever. The pattern of eating shittily escalated - chocolate, soda, pizza, everything bad. To make matters worse, I haven't worked out for four days. I mean I guess four days doesn't seem like such a big deal but I'm also dealing with a lot of SERIOUS job dissatisfaction, the stress of applying to new jobs, finding graduate programs to apply to, and general misery this week so I guess I'm at a low point. Honestly eating this way is only pleasurable while I'm doing it - after, I feel bloated, gross, burpy, nauseous, the works. My body has started reacting differently to this stuff. Not going to the gym is killing my energy levels. It's been pretty miserable. I guess the way to fix it is to get back to my calorie goal and start eating the way i was eating earlier again. And starting working out again. Sigh.

Yep, am definitely on the terry capris team. Leggings are tough, it's so difficult to find a pair that a) doesn't slide down my butt and b ) is properly opaque. I also really like the joggers that were super popular at H&M for a bit - they can be a bit warm but I have one pair that's very breathable AND has pockets. I also know people who wear soccer pants. Also, check out Look Human and Activate Apparel for delightfully nerdy shirts and tanks.

Update: Diet: 1) I've kind of let the carbs thing slide in favour of maintaining 1200 calories a day. I realized it doesn't matter to a huge extent what those calories are at this stage. But I think I have also realized that I get to eat more if I'm eating vegetables or things like beans etc., so that's definitely taking up greater space in my diet these days. I have maybe one or two slices of bread a day - no rice. 2) Protein: This has been a struggle. If I get "enough" to maintain muscle, most of my diet ends up being protein at my current calorie goal. This is a serving at lunch and a serving at dinner plus eggs in the morning. Plus, I feel horrible - gastrointestinal tract generally going haywire. I've been experimenting with scaling it down - about 60-70 g feels okay. Plus am focusing on sources other than meat for protein as well such as chickpeas, other beans, nuts to a certain extent, eggs. Urgh it's still tough though. Thoughts? Exercise: It went okay this week, although I did miss a few days. On the days I went I felt proud of myself. As the NF blog advises, I'm trying to work on building up discipline instead of relying on motivation which has predictably fizzled out as it is wont to do. Discipline is TOUGH!! :'( This has not been a mega successful week and I'm also feeling like I'm seeing NO changes in how I look aside from building muscle which I can see under the fat but no one else can. This is disappointing. I don't know if it's actually true but I feel that way. I've also gone out drinking twice this week and might go again tomorrow for a social thing. So, liquid calories there, plus I get less stringent about calories once I'm tipsy. I'm trying to adopt the mindset of no cheats, only conscious decisions about these evenings - I had lots of fun both times so maybe it's okay.

Day 6 & Day 7: Diet: Had a bit of bread both days but still at my calorie goal. Workout: I took Sunday as a rest day and today I missed the gym Tomorrow I will go.

Hi blacksheepie. I'm also trying to be more healthy about the sweets I consume. Haven't conquered the monster yet but I feel like I've made a little bit of progress so I guess I'll share? I also have a similar pattern of sugar consumption. But I'm not in school right now though and I'm definitely living a less stressful life, so it has been easier to de-addict. So. Go easy on yourself. But basically, I've been looking at it as though it is a habit. A habit has three components - a cue, a behaviour, and a reward. With you, looks like the cues are dissertation-related stress, and possibly a need for quick energy? The behaviour is going in search of sugary thing, devouring sugary thing. The reward is the temporary energy spike, or the lowered stress, or the momentary bliss. A solution could be replacing the response to the cue (i.e. the behaviour) with something else that serves the same function of lowering stress or giving energy. Caffeine is an option, if you can drink your coffee/tea black/with no sugar. If it's more about the stress for you, find something that relaxes you/takes you to your happy place that is NOT sugar. Another solution could be interrupting the habitual behaviour. For me, a lot of sugar consumption occurred out of force of habit. For example, I would go to visit my friends in a different dorm that had the best snack bar on campus and I would feel obliged to pick something up for my room ("there's no snack bar in my dorm...what if I want something later, when I'm studying?"). So when you're feeling like you've hit a roadblock or you're tired of studying, you get up and you take a walk, right. And on the way you pass a cafe or a vending machine (or maybe you make a beeline for it) and you get a sugary thing. Maybe instead of getting a sugary thing, you could go outside and do some meditation? Or go find a friend who's funny and chat with them? Or watch a funny video? Find a way to replace that behaviour of walking towards the sugary thing. Also, try to make sugary things less accessible to yourself. Work in a location where there is no cafe/vending machine nearby. Don't keep sweets in your apartment. Planned sweet things sounds like a great philosophy. I've also found that bananas are a great replacement. Try also slowly phasing to things that are still sweet but healthier? So for example instead of a donut, you could have a parfait (I think that's healthier?). I also really like the NF philosophy of no cheats, only conscious decisions (which I feel like you've got going on in the planned sweet things bit). Also, if counting calories is a method that works for you, I've found that helps me in determining my "sweet ration".

Day 5 update: Diet: No bread and no rice. Also, I woke up today and I guess I've dropped 3 kg? Workout: Went for a walk/jog with Zombies! Run (best app ever). Last time I did that (which was also the first time I had jogged in a while), I got shin splints - painful. I did a proper warmup this time, from Steve's post on running, and also ran on the road instead of on the concrete in the park. I guess the combination of warmup+softer running surface+my body getting used to it made a marked difference in my comfort level - I ran more, and did not get shin splints. After I got home, I did the Beginner Bodyweight Workout - twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know HOW I pushed through it but I did. YAY. Also, sweated like crazy. Awesome workout day.