Internet Dating

[SuperUnison]

Hi all, I read an article on internet dating and found it quite interesting. Has anyone on here tried it and what were your experiences?

 

Seems that from the comments here it can vary quite a bit, though general consensus is that woman get loads of grubby messages, and a lot of guys feel ignored. Maybe some people have unrealistic expectations?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/the-northerner/2013/may/15/internet-dating-manchester-single-woman

 

I did it for a while over a year ago before I met my girlfriend. Initially it was quite overwhelming having so many profiles to view, a bit like being a kid in a sweet shop. Ended up getting well confusing and time consuming!

Met a few girls, was seeing one for a bit but that petered out. Had a break for a month or so then tried again, but was a lot more restrained, mostly waited for girls to message me first and within a few weeks met someone I really liked. (We've been together over a year now!) A few of her friends have met someone online too- they're all intelligent, down to earth, attractive girls as well, I think a lot of the stigma around internet dating has gone.

The only funny experience I had was finding out mid-date that someone was still technically married. And a date with a burlesque dancer who'd sent me a couple of videos, and couldn't help thinking.. "I've already seen your baps.." (she was really interesting, just maybe not right for me!)

 

So, your experiences? Would you try it if given the chance?

 

[JonDixonYT]

I met my wife on an online dating site, we've been married for 3 years now.  Before I met her I met a couple of girls that were pretty cool but things didn't work out (still friends with a couple of them).  I think you mentioned an important part, just sit back and wait, be picky - my wife tells me she got some pretty strange messages and has just about given up on it before I messaged her.

 

The strangest message I ever got was from a lady 25 years older than me inviting me to a gangbang...

[SuperUnison]

Aah, that's sweet! I think some people get down when they meet people and it doesn't work out, but as with real life that's completely normal.

 

The strangest message I ever got was from a lady 25 years older than me inviting me to a gangbang...

 

I take it you didn't take her up on her offer?

[JonDixonYT]

Aah, that's sweet! I think some people get down when they meet people and it doesn't work out, but as with real life that's completely normal.

 

 

I take it you didn't take her up on her offer?

Ha, no, I did not.  I thought about it for a second, because I figured it would be a pretty funny story, but then decided that was not my scene.

[RisenPhoenix]

I tried it a few times.  I don't have much of a social circle, so I figured I'd try to use it to expand.  Boiled down to I was a bit too picky, and never really got the hang of it.  I talk way too much, both in real life and digitally.  Meh.  And I got tired of constantly searching and having it feel like a chore.  Maybe once I hit my goal weight I'll try it again.  I figured I'd much rather be totally content with who I am, mentally (check) and physically (not-so-check), before I start looking again. 

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I haven't done it myself, but my dad did the whole internet dating thing back in the early 2000's (40ish at the time).  He met women at both ends of the spectrum, wackos and pretty down to earth cool chicks, and eventually found his new wife back around the time I was finishing high school in '04. When you're that old doing that though, a lot of the good ones are already taken though and you're left with the people with issues or divorced people.  Not to say that there still aren't great people, theyre just fewer and further between.

 

I know a few people on here that I've tlaked ot have tried it and most have positive and negative experiences. I think it's gotten much better over the years as the stigma of internet dating has diminished and more "normal" people are doing it, so the ratio of wackadoo's to actual prospective dating partners has shrunk. I think the key really is to talk online or through text messages for awhile and make sure you really are a prospective match before going and hanging out and not to get offended or give up if it doesn't reach that point, especially if you're picky, which I think you should be.

[Morrigainz]

I met my husband on Craigslist...

 

We were both looking for friends at the time, though, and we hung out all summer before anything actually developed.

[stevembk]

Im probably too picky. But when I do contact someone, i almost always get ignored.

 

Im also going to put part of the blame on my city.

[Duality]

I met my girlfriend on one also

[Raikas]

One of my sister's friends gave her a membership to a dating sites as a gift when she moved to a new city - she ended up meeting the guy who's now her husband within a few months!

 

I'd say in general I hear equal numbers of stories about solid marriages/relationships as I do freaks and stalkers, so I think it's just luck - same as dating, set-ups, arrangements, and everything else.

[porchcricket13]

Technically my bf and I got together because of a dating site but we had already known each other years before, we had both been in crappy relationships at that time, and I was his boss. I messaged him on the site just to catch up and 3 years later we are still going strong and are planning on getting married in the future.

[SartresWaiter]

I've had an OKCupid account for a few years, and of all the (free) dating websites I've seen that one seems the most chill. The crowd on there is generally younger (20s and 30s) and in general seems totally fine with the idea of online dating, but that may just be my own selection bias. I've had plenty of great dates off there, and one on-off relationship, but I haven't gone back to it for a while since meeting my current boyfriend.

 

I should also mention that as a gay man I think attitudes are very different towards meeting people online than with heterosexual people. To make an over-broad generalization, men tend to be more sex driven than women (with plenty of exceptions...), and it's much more common for gay men to use online dating websites more casually, for finding new friends in a city or just for sex. Grindr is probably the most notorious manifestation of this (a smartphone app which is used almost exclusively for hookups, which sorts users by distance from your current location).  

 

Other sites like ManHunt, Adam4Adam, etc cater to this as well, and even on OKCupid it seems like gay men are way more likely to be looking for something casual (that being said, I met my current boyfriend on one of these hookup sites...). My (straight) roommate even downloaded the far less successful "straight"  version of Grindr (Blendr), but everyone on there was either fake or just really nuts.

 

However, I think these websites would still be popular in gay populations even without the stereotype of men being "sex-crazy", for a much simpler reason. Being gay makes it a whole lot harder to meet people you'd like to date in real life. It's just statistically less probable unless you live in an area with a large gay population or go to gay clubs. Moreover, asking everyone you meet "are you gay?" is just be plain awkward, so gay men often don't know who they could even try to pursue or flirt with (especially since flirting with the wrong person could have serious consequences in many parts of the world). Having an online profile lets you look for other gay men with relative ease, and even lets you find people near you and screen whether you find them interesting/attractive/whatever.   

[Guest Dirty Deads]

I met my last 2 GF's online. 4 years and currently in a 6 year and going strong. The part I couldn't stand is all the women only talking to the ripped guys with their shirts off in their pics. I think they use it as a false way to validate themselves and the guys probably do the same, but I don't know because I didn't talk to dudes.

Also, I have seen so many people get in relationships, but they have this wealth of potential mates and think someone better is just a click away so they keep cheating.

[This is Seth]

Going on my second date from OKCupid tonight. It's working out well so far. 

 

The biggest hurdle is getting over the stigma that goes along with it, at first. 

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Going on my second date from OKCupid tonight. It's working out well so far.

The biggest hurdle is getting over the stigma that goes along with it, at first.

"Something something skinny jeans" I think is the message the girls are spreading?

[This is Seth]

"Something something skinny jeans" I think is the message the girls are spreading?

 

 

Hah those only work on Jamie!

[Ancalagon The Black]

I haven't ever done internet dating - I usually meet people at different events in real life. Having said that, once I went out with a pretty girl on 2 dates in NYC in December 2011 and then, in the middle of the second date, she drops that she was still technically married. Not a deal breaker but was quite a shock to me then.

[Deanna]

OKCupid is awesome.  Answer a lot of questions.  Use the %.

[Cr33g]

I tried online dating last year. The problem for me personally is that I'm twenty five years old and I've never had a serious relationship, never had a girlfriend, so I don't exactly know what to do. I tried online dating last year after a bit of convincing from my brother and cousin (both of which met their significant others through online dating).

 

I met a few girls through online dating, some were interesting and some were... not so interesting. With all of them though nothing came about - either they didn't like me, I didn't like them, or it was mutual.

 

I did feel very ignored when a girl ignored my message and I'm guessing a lot of guys generally feel that way too, but to be fair I am guessing the girls would all be receiving unwanted attention and inappropriate comments from the guys, which is fair enough, girls should not have to put up with that kind of crap from those kind of guys.

 

I recently signed up again but... I barely look at it, and the only people who look at my profile are from interstate and different cities, no one from my city. I think I'll delete my profile soon and just continue doing my own thing.

[Drewstein69]

Back when I was 20 and in university, I met a girl on an MSN chat site, wound up getting together and staying together for 6 years. I have made some Plenty of Fish accounts and OKCupid accounts over the years afterwards but my current girlfriend I met at International Table Top day in my city so it was definitely a nice change of pace from internet dating. At the same time, there's no real commitment at the first and it helps you realize that just because you took the time to message someone, they may not click with you in messaging back but you can't take that to heart, it's their loss not yours

[theonlyhoss]

Hi all, I read an article on internet dating and found it quite interesting. Has anyone on here tried it and what were your experiences?

 

Seems that from the comments here it can vary quite a bit, though general consensus is that woman get loads of grubby messages, and a lot of guys feel ignored. Maybe some people have unrealistic expectations?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/the-northerner/2013/may/15/internet-dating-manchester-single-woman

 

I did it for a while over a year ago before I met my girlfriend. Initially it was quite overwhelming having so many profiles to view, a bit like being a kid in a sweet shop. Ended up getting well confusing and time consuming!

Met a few girls, was seeing one for a bit but that petered out. Had a break for a month or so then tried again, but was a lot more restrained, mostly waited for girls to message me first and within a few weeks met someone I really liked. (We've been together over a year now!) A few of her friends have met someone online too- they're all intelligent, down to earth, attractive girls as well, I think a lot of the stigma around internet dating has gone.

The only funny experience I had was finding out mid-date that someone was still technically married. And a date with a burlesque dancer who'd sent me a couple of videos, and couldn't help thinking.. "I've already seen your baps.." (she was really interesting, just maybe not right for me!)

 

So, your experiences? Would you try it if given the chance?

I've tried for a few years...and it's never led to anything good. Three times I've nearly spent money going to see/meet one and it turns out they'd been lying about their appearances. One woman posed as a thin redhead, when she was actually about 300 lbs and brunette. I don't have a problem dating larger women..but I have a problem with liars. The other 3-4 of them just "lost interest" over time and decided to never talk to me again without any warning. So...I prefer to avoid online dating. 

[Machete]

I signed-up a couple of years ago for multiple sites. (Particularly funny ones I saw were STDmatch, Prison Inmate Penpal, DisabilityDate, AmputeeDate, Ashley Madison, and FurryDate. Seriously.) I usually made two profiles or a bisexual one if the site allowed it. It would be noteworthy that eHarmony, after taking their personality test, deemed my personality profile unmatchable, so I was not able to partake in their site. I've had a lot of shallow conversations on OkCupid, which was really easy to use. (I also ran into my MMA rival's ex, and a boss' daughter there. Small world.) I also learned that I would probably be more successful in love as a gay man. I went on what I believe were dinner dates with two of them (females), and they were accurate representations of who they were.

 

I am currently still in contact with three of the women I met online two years ago, though I have never arranged a meet-up. Two of them are in Europe and one in the US.

 

I've also been in varying levels of relationships with camgirls who keep asking for money, Nigerian princesses who keep promising money, and spambots who never tell me they love me.

[GingaNinja]

Yeah I met most of the guys I dated online, though most of them were long distance but eventually I moved closer to a guy I saw for a couple of years. I recently used OKC to find a person who has become a really good mate as well so I think it is great. 

[Minty Keen]

My boyfriend and I met online, although not at a dating site. We were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, but we both live a distance away.

 

We've been dating for 8 years now. He's currently sleeping in my bed beside me.

Although we still live far away from each other, he visits me when his work is slow (it's seasonal construction).

We plan on getting a place together near where he lives in the next couple of years, after we're done school (both going into trades).

 

The online part of the relationship is really hard. Constantly a stressor. When he's been away for 3 months, but I talk to him every night on G hangouts, and he's the Fleet Commander for our Corperation in EVE online, so we 'spend time' together still...

 

It's not the same as when he's here. Sometimes it gets to the point where I'm not even really connected to the idea of him as a physical person, he's just something I talk to on the computer when I get home from work. That makes me really depressed. Usually that's the signal it's time for him to come see me again.

 

But, we've been getting through it this long, I'm sure we'll do great once we live together.

[Rostov]

I've tried internet dating over the last few months.... had a few conversations, most fizzled out, met up with one person, went out a few times, no chemistry... fizzled.  Stil looking.

 

But it's been good for me in offline ways... it's been a bit of an ego-boost (to be honest) to get favourited/winked at/views/messages, whatever.  It's been good to get responses from people, even if it fizzles out. I've found it useful in developing resilience about rejection/lack of responses, and more confidence in making the first move.  It's been helpful after a long time not being single (and after losing a lot of weight) to get a sense of how others might see me.  I went speed dating a few weeks ago... a few 'friend' matches, no more, but it was a lot of fun.... but I'd never have had the nerve to do that without trying internet dating first.  And actually having a practice run of a few informal dates has been really helpful too.

 

The downsides I'd say are the industry and the business model.  The company that runs the site seems quite cynical in terms of cash extraction - always hawking extra features, recurring subscriptions, unclear cancellation instructions etc - and while my searches may throw up several hundred potential matches, I wonder how many are actually and able to read messages and respond?  There was a TV documentary a while back investigating sharp practices, including fake accounts and messages sent solely with the intention of creating false hope and subscription renewal.  The site I'm with isn't one of those named, but I think anyone thinking of trying internet dating needs to treat the companies that run it as predatory at best....