Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Rurik Harrgath]

I feel like your Ed sometimes, alienjenn.  I've cultivated a very careful cult of personality at work, where people know they come to me for an honest opinion but very little small talk.  Very critical, possibly borderline arsehole, but efficient and as amicable as I ought to be.  I'm friendly enough to any new staff because I disagree with the concept of hazing and ignoring newbies but there are only a very small handful of the two hundred I work with who get much more than a greeting out of me.  My workplace is very close knit, even among the more outcast people I work with, and everyone is friends with everyone on Facebook and whatnot.  I have all of 5 coworkers on social media who are semi-regular out of work activity folks, which actually leads to the questioning and accusations of others whenever I ignore or delete a friend request.

 

Most people let it be when I explain that I keep my Facebook very exclusive, but on occasion I've had to go further and clarify that it's a matter of people I associate with outside of work.  I don't like everyone up in my business, even online.

[Bekah]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukebailey/everyone-is-the-worst#.ofQQE562K

[crash3400]

i got a new shirt.

 

[Bekah]

indeed. 

[Machete]

[Rurik Harrgath]

After the last few responses I know I've found the right support group.

 

Which is ironic unto itself.

[kaelvan]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lukebailey/everyone-is-the-worst#.ofQQE562K

 

 

I been telling people this for while now

[Sam Ashen]

It was nice to find out I was not the only person in the world a little lacking in social skills.  More recently I realized it is an entire generation.  I had a discussion with a co-worker about this today.  Can't talk to people on the street.  They can't hear you because they have ear buds.  Can't talk to people in the gym.  They can't hear you because they have ear buds.  Go to the bar and there's a couple on a date.  They are not talking.  They are on their phones texting.  Maybe they are texting each other.

 

There is an entire generation with no basic social skills.  I asked him what happened.  He pointed to his phone.  Oh, yeah.

 

I was late getting a smart phone.  I finally got one about six months ago.  I don't like taking calls anymore, unless I know they will be quick.  Just text.  Okay?  If you try to call, it is definitely a most inconvenient time.  I probably can't even hear it.  (I have ear buds.  Just kidding!)  If you text and I am around, I will probably get back to you in a few minutes or so.

 

Back to the topic, introvert checking in, borderline shy, borderline anti-social.  Likely to hide behind the latter two if I meet somebody I am not particularly keen on.  Very good with numbers and formulas.  Desk is full of scrap pieces of paper with scribbled calculations.  Always something.  Often quite irrelevant.  Eccentric personality goes with it.  D&D Wizards were often quite eccentric.  I should have role-played more of them, but I always liked to play Warriors to make up for something.  My employer puts up with the eccentricity for some reason - probably mentioned several phrases ago.

[Bekah]

It was nice to find out I was not the only person in the world a little lacking in social skills.  More recently I realized it is an entire generation.  I had a discussion with a co-worker about this today.  Can't talk to people on the street.  They can't hear you because they have ear buds.  Can't talk to people in the gym.  They can't hear you because they have ear buds.  Go to the bar and there's a couple on a date.  They are not talking.  They are on their phones texting.  Maybe they are texting each other.

 

There is an entire generation with no basic social skills.  I asked him what happened.  He pointed to his phone.  Oh, yeah.

 

I was late getting a smart phone.  I finally got one about six months ago.  I don't like taking calls anymore, unless I know they will be quick.  Just text.  Okay?  If you try to call, it is definitely a most inconvenient time.  I probably can't even hear it.  (I have ear buds.  Just kidding!)  If you text and I am around, I will probably get back to you in a few minutes or so.

 

Back to the topic, introvert checking in, borderline shy, borderline anti-social.  Likely to hide behind the latter two if I meet somebody I am not particularly keen on.  Very good with numbers and formulas.  Desk is full of scrap pieces of paper with scribbled calculations.  Always something.  Often quite irrelevant.  Eccentric personality goes with it.  D&D Wizards were often quite eccentric.  I should have role-played more of them, but I always liked to play Warriors to make up for something.  My employer puts up with the eccentricity for some reason - probably mentioned several phrases ago.

I'd prefer texting on a date too, I think Unless they are easy to talk to (most people aren't) I have zero skill in body language, subtlety in tone/expression/innuendo, so texting eliminates most of that, so unless they are blunt and obvious, it sucks to talk to them! lol

[Artinum]

I'd prefer texting on a date too, I think Unless they are easy to talk to (most people aren't) I have zero skill in body language, subtlety in tone/expression/innuendo, so texting eliminates most of that, so unless they are blunt and obvious, it sucks to talk to them! lol

 

I've also been in enough loud bars and nightclubs in my not-misspent-enough youth to know that regular conversation is virtually impossible there. Texting may actually be the best way to get around it.

 

I found travel and crowds deeply unpleasant (I still do to a lesser extent). My first walkman was a revelation - replace one of those ceaseless blurs of sensory input with whatever soundtrack I wanted to listen to, and the journey becomes so much easier.

 

I don't think people have just lost social skills because they've all plugged in earbuds and tuned each other out. I think social skills largely developed for the same purpose - coping with close proximity to large numbers of strangers - and are now less relevant because we have technology to do the job of ignoring people for us.

[Rurik Harrgath]

9 times out of 10 I would rather listen to my personal soundtrack... I mean, the majority of people are the reason the Kardashians are famous, right?  Why would I want to talk to such a person?

 

That might be an exaggeration, but still.

[ZalatwicZach]

[Machete]

I don't think people have just lost social skills because they've all plugged in earbuds and tuned each other out. I think social skills largely developed for the same purpose - coping with close proximity to large numbers of strangers - and are now less relevant because we have technology to do the job of ignoring people for us.

 

Exactly. You can't walk in the city knowing everybody, unless you're some kind of face Rainman (like that book character Ethan Hawke was proposing in Before Midnight). Besides, it would be such a huge waste of time if you had to say good morning to everyone; you would never get anything done. That's probably why a lot of defensive females like to think that someone is catcalling them when a male says "good morning". (And they are probably correct most of the time anyway. Just some guys starving for some sort of interaction with an attractive girl.) I find that the increasing supply of humans decreases their overall demand and uniqueness, and this little handheld device possessing infinite knowledge has become much more interesting.

 

[Bekah]

I agree with Art and Machete, so that must be the truth of it

[Sam Ashen]

I'd prefer texting on a date too, I think Unless they are easy to talk to (most people aren't) I have zero skill in body language, subtlety in tone/expression/innuendo, so texting eliminates most of that, so unless they are blunt and obvious, it sucks to talk to them! lol

 

Hmm.  Might be a good idea.

 

I don't think people have just lost social skills because they've all plugged in earbuds and tuned each other out. I think social skills largely developed for the same purpose - coping with close proximity to large numbers of strangers - and are now less relevant because we have technology to do the job of ignoring people for us.

 

So when people say I don't have the social skills, it might be more accurate to say I am out of phase.  When they want to talk to me, I want to ignore them.  When they want to ignore me, I want to talk to them.

 

Exactly. You can't walk in the city knowing everybody

 

It helps even more that I came from a small town where everybody knows everybody.  Oh.  And the licence plate says "Friendly" and there is a reason for it.  

[Artinum]

I agree with Art and Machete, so that must be the truth of it

 

Of course. I'm always right - it's just that sometimes the universe disagrees.

[Bekah]

Of course. I'm always right - it's just that sometimes the universe disagrees.

Yup, thats why many things you say I instantly agree with

[Rurik Harrgath]

 

I love me some Thoreau.  He's my Introvert Inspiration.

[Sam Ashen]

^^Even when it is -40°C outside, Rurik?

 

Answer:  Just dress for it and it's fine.  Next question:  How do you dress for +40°C?

 

I used to enjoy long walks outside.  They brought peace and I could gather my thoughts.

[Rurik Harrgath]

Next question:  How do you dress for +40°C?

 

 

You can only get so naked, and even then there are society's standards of propriety to consider.

 

When it gets that hot I start to shutdown and seek out air conditioning or a cold shower.

[Sam Ashen]

You can only get so naked, and even then there are society's standards of propriety to consider.

 

When it gets that hot I start to shutdown and seek out air conditioning or a cold shower.

 

When I was in California, people described the winter weather where I came from as "life threatening."  What I described and what you responded are pretty much how I responded to that.  I can tell you how to dress for -40°F.  I have no idea how to dress for 104°F.

[Bekah]

You can only get so naked, and even then there are society's standards of propriety to consider.

 

When it gets that hot I start to shutdown and seek out air conditioning or a cold shower.

yeah that shit SUUUUUCKS. I'm not made for that kind of heat, I think about 5C-14C is perfect myself

[Rurik Harrgath]

If it never got colder than, say, -20C nor any warmer than +20C, I would be a very happy camper.  The extremes are so unnecessary!  I could move somewhere that's more likely, but I enjoy my seasons.

[Bekah]

I'd like to have seasons of freeze your balls off cold, still fucking cold, my nipples arent made of glass anymore cold, and oh wow I only need a hoodie today cold vastly more than anything where you are sweating while outddors or being hot even when you are as naked as is publicly acceptable.

I HATE FLORIDA

[Nubbins McGee]

No thanks. Warm it's fine with me. Happiest I've been was when I lived in Hawaii. I loathe the cold.