A question for rebels on medication for mental disorders

[holographicSam]

I'm really not sure where this question belongs, but this seems to be the best place.

 

I've struggled with depression & anxiety for years, and started getting treated about three years back. I started on an anti-depressant that made me much happier and healthier. However, I still had a lot of trouble self-motivating. For instance, I've always wanted to get into shape, but never could convince myself to workout, let alone consistently.

 

About a month ago I changed medications to something more specific to my disorder. Literally within the week I began seriously researching health and nutrition, and within two I'd joined NF and began working out. It's only been a month, but I haven't felt the drive wane since. I'm still not sure if this isn't simply "a phase", but I've honestly never felt so driven in my life. It's not a matter of convincing myself to workout. I simply want to, and want to get stronger, so I do.

 

Have any of you rebels with mental problems found that some treatment or medication has had a really drastic effect on your motivation?

[Becoming-Bane]

I have severe A.D.D and depression and I can never seem to do anything or make myself care. When I take my ADD meds it's like I can do anything (provided I'm on the right ones my most recent type wasn't the greatest)

[Huntress]

I take an SSRI (Lexapro) for depression and anxiety. It's definitely made a massive difference in my life and I regard choosing to take it as one of the best decisions I've made for my health. I'm not sure it's helped with my motivation as I made most of my fitness gains while I was really, really depressed before taking it - it was the one thing that brought me happiness and - but in making my rough patches less debilitating it's made it easier to keep things up. 

However! A lack of motivation, apathy and feeling like everything is too hard are all pretty common symptoms of depression. Could be that in helping with your depression, your meds have made it easier to develop a desire to do new things and give them a go. And that's fantastic! I really hope they keep working out for you. 

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

Absolutely. I've got depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorders, and I wasn't able to fully take control of lack of motivation until I finally found the medication combination that worked for me. Before that, I either couldn't see the point in attempting something new or couldn't see the point in continuing to work at something. It's very difficult to plan for the future if you are convinced you don't have one.

[Amdhiel]

I've been dealing with depression & social anxiety for most of my life and added general anxiety in the last few years. I've been on various medications but didn't actually see a significant impact until I started with a new doc after moving to Madison. When I told her about my history, her answer was I'd been under-medicated for years.

 

I can't say upping my dose made an immediate impact; however, I've seen consistent improvement over the last 15 months. I've gone from hating myself and freaking out constantly to being able to push myself and take charge of my life finally. Medicine and therapy are why I'm even able to be on these boards.

[holographicSam]

I've been dealing with depression & social anxiety for most of my life and added general anxiety in the last few years. I've been on various medications but didn't actually see a significant impact until I started with a new doc after moving to Madison. When I told her about my history, her answer was I'd been under-medicated for years.

 

I can't say upping my dose made an immediate impact; however, I've seen consistent improvement over the last 15 months. I've gone from hating myself and freaking out constantly to being able to push myself and take charge of my life finally. Medicine and therapy are why I'm even able to be on these boards.

 

 

But that's so awesome that you're doing better!

[Amdhiel]

 

But that's so awesome that you're doing better!

 

Yeah, I'm happy with the progress I've made. I just try to remember that life can be a rough and bumpy ride. Then I remind myself of what Alfred said in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

 

I also enjoy phoenix imagery, I'm rising from my own ashes.   One day I will get a phoenix tattoo, one day.

[holographicSam]

Yeah, I'm happy with the progress I've made. I just try to remember that life can be a rough and bumpy ride. Then I remind myself of what Alfred said in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

 

I also enjoy phoenix imagery, I'm rising from my own ashes.   One day I will get a phoenix tattoo, one day.

 

Haha! I like that quote, and that imagery. I find it helps me to take a specific lesson away from each problem or disaster, so that I can feel as if I'm constantly working towards becoming the illustrious Future Me I've always dreamed of.

 

Where are you thinking of getting the tattoo? I've always been interested in them.

[Amdhiel]

Probably on my ribs with part of it going onto my upper back and shoulder. The side kinda depends since I have dreams of a full back piece and I already have one on my left thigh. It will be pricey though I'm not sure how much at this point since I haven't talked to an artist. I know what I want but haven't spent enough time looking for examples.

 

As for the learning from mistakes/disaster, I'd say I do something similar. I just don't have a clue of who my Future Me is since for a long time it's just been the struggle to make it through each day. I'm starting to figure it out. I just know it will take time.

[turdles]

I've probably been angry and anxious since middle school. Been on zoloft before and I was getting things done, didn't care what other people thought and just smashed all my goals. The docs stopped because I was doing great. So anxiety and apathy came back. I tried getting back on the zoloft at the same dose but it just didn't work anymore. Now I am self medicating to take the edge off but I'm not...well. Starting to think it might not get better. How many docs/med combos til you've found something that works?

[holographicSam]

I've probably been angry and anxious since middle school. Been on zoloft before and I was getting things done, didn't care what other people thought and just smashed all my goals. The docs stopped because I was doing great. So anxiety and apathy came back. I tried getting back on the zoloft at the same dose but it just didn't work anymore. Now I am self medicating to take the edge off but I'm not...well. Starting to think it might not get better. How many docs/med combos til you've found something that works?

 

That's awful I like to think there's always a solution, but I know how horrible this whole... thing can be. I hope you find something that works.

 

Just curious, but have you upped your dose at all since going back on Z? I remember having to up my dose of Zoloft over time to keep it working correctly.

 

I'm one of those (arguably) lucky few who has a family line of mental problems, so I just started on the same medication my father takes (zoloft) and it worked pretty well. Recently my doc got me tested for some new-fangled chromosomal mutation (I think I'm getting that right? Dammit, I'm an engineer not a doctor. In any case, it keeps my body from properly absorbing some B vitamins which are, it turns out, essential for mental health.). When I turned out positive the doc started me on some new meds, which are the new ones that seem to work so gosh darn well.

 

I'm not sure if you're starting your journey of fitness for the purpose of self-medication or just self-improvement, but congrats regardless I hope it helps you feel better.

[Amdhiel]

I've probably been angry and anxious since middle school. Been on zoloft before and I was getting things done, didn't care what other people thought and just smashed all my goals. The docs stopped because I was doing great. So anxiety and apathy came back. I tried getting back on the zoloft at the same dose but it just didn't work anymore. Now I am self medicating to take the edge off but I'm not...well. Starting to think it might not get better. How many docs/med combos til you've found something that works?

 

It took me awhile due to other circumstances. Even once I found the right one I spent a fair chunk of time at the wrong dosage. Once I partnered with the right doctor and was open about everything she upped my meds and things have smoothed out nicely.

 

I'd say if your doc isn't listening to you, you may want to look for a second opinion and someone who will be more supportive.

[turdles]

Thanks for the advice guys. In my family it's taboo to talk about depression, it's just something you have to "suck it up and snap out of it." I've really got no family or friends to talk to about it. I've gone through a couple of shrinks that don't seem to care. But then again I'm so anxious I find it very hard to open up to a complete stranger. I'm going to try write down all the things I've been feeling for when I go get my head shrunk next.

 

I've been taking herbal supps to get me motivated to workout- otherwise I never would have stepped foot outside my house!

[Amdhiel]

Thanks for the advice guys. In my family it's taboo to talk about depression, it's just something you have to "suck it up and snap out of it." I've really got no family or friends to talk to about it. I've gone through a couple of shrinks that don't seem to care. But then again I'm so anxious I find it very hard to open up to a complete stranger. I'm going to try write down all the things I've been feeling for when I go get my head shrunk next.

 

I've been taking herbal supps to get me motivated to workout- otherwise I never would have stepped foot outside my house!

 

I've been there for a very long time... think 20ish years. In my family there was just too much going on. I have really severe asthma which made life for everyone difficult and my brother and sister both have various forms of ADD. So I learned to "suck it up" out of necessity. If you ever want someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I have both depression and anxiety so I might be able to give you some ideas.

 

The one thing I'll say about doctors based on my experience. If they don't treat you like a human being and treat you with respect then they aren't worth your time. It's better to go try a new doctor so that you can find one who cares. I'm terrible at opening up and trusting people but if you find someone who respects you it makes it a lot easier.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

First was my GP, which went horribly for psych problems. But she quickly realized that I had more issues than a low dose of Lexapro would fix, so she referred me to a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist couldn't take any more patients on and referred me to my current psychiatrist, whom I love and have been going to for nearly 10 years now. He also referred me to a great counselor--the one my mother had found for me was lousy. Don't be afraid to keep hunting for a doctor who will freaking listen to you. I've been very lucky to find good people quickly.

 

The Lexapro was a disaster, but all the other meds I've tried were helpful. However, it took about five or six years to find the dosage levels that really made me feel in control and good again. My doctor started me on low doses of a depression med and an anxiety med, then raised those doses slowly and added in other things when they weren't quite enough. He's not prescription-happy, and I really appreciate that.

 

There's a couple other depression-related threads floating around here. I'll try to find and link them when I get home from work. I think I've had a lot of similar experiences with family not believing me and telling me to suck it up. That's the opposite of useful.

 

Edited to add: Here are the other depression topics I remember seeing, both with good discussions in them:

• One in Life Hacks
• One in The Pub

[turdles]

Thanks. Hearing your stories gives me some hope. Lots of shrinks I've been to--their therapy sessions feel useless. Honestly I was just there for the meds. I've done CBT with one doc before which helped a little bit. I guess I want instant results, not talk about my feelings for months and months. I've heard of a life coach doing shock therapy for people with social anxiety which totally rewires the brain but maybe that's just hype. What kind of therapy have you found works best?

[Amdhiel]

I've done mostly CBT and mindfulness type stuff. Unfortunately you won't get instant results. For me it's been a matter of keeping myself going when there's nothing else. Once I got to a safe place, it was a matter of find docs I can trust. Then be as brutally honest as I can about where I'm at so that they can do their job and help me.

I'd say I'm not a typical case tho. The years of asthma ingrained useful coping skills that kept me alive and functioning. The downside was/is that those skills allowed me to cover up a lot of stuff. I learned to hide things from myself and others which contributed to people not listening to me. I'm not sure where you're at but I spent along time so far down the rabbit hole that I was completely numb and everything was disassociated. In a sense, I've been literally relearning how to be human. Learning that I'm worth something. Those types of realizations take time and can be VERY painful to get too.

So whatever you do you have to commit. It's just like living a healthy lifestyle, you can't really do it half assed. HTH....

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

My therapist did EMDR therapy with me to help me cope with anxiety related to driving. That was helpful. Beyond that I'm not sure what the proper psychological terms are for what we did. I have a lousy relationship with my mother and believed a lot of the negative things she had told me or implied about me. My therapist helped me identify those things, speculate why my mother believed them, and realize that they were untrue and that I was not a horrible person for rejecting them. She also helped me figure out stressors and ways of dealing with them. And again, I went to a therapist for several years. Progress went slowly. I still have her number programmed into my cell phone just in case.

 

I still have very low self-esteem, but I don't think that there is anything else a therapist could do for me at this point. I can identify beliefs I hold about myself that may not be true, but I am still trying to make myself believe that they are not true. I doubt anyone could do that for me. I have always liked who I am, but it is only in the past year or so that I have started realizing that it's okay to like who I am. For so long I'd been told that, for the most part, who I am was weird and unacceptable and I should change. Much of the realization that I DON'T need to change has come from my current job.

[amydoesthings]

Doc put me on antidepressants for severe anxiety and they helped a lot with a lot of things. I've been a lot more productive and motivated since then

 

 

Yeah, I'm happy with the progress I've made. I just try to remember that life can be a rough and bumpy ride. Then I remind myself of what Alfred said in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

 

I also enjoy phoenix imagery, I'm rising from my own ashes.   One day I will get a phoenix tattoo, one day.

 

Great quote! Do you have an image of the tattoo you want? I'm hoping to get a small tattoo to commemorate surviving living in Russia - maybe this Christmas, or next birthday...

[Amdhiel]

Great quote! Do you have an image of the tattoo you want? I'm hoping to get a small tattoo to commemorate surviving living in Russia - maybe this Christmas, or next birthday...

 

I haven't really found any good inspirations yet to show an artist. The general idea would that the head and upper body of the phoenix would be fully formed maybe with some charred edges. As you go down the back and tail it'd be more ash like the phoenix was reforming. And the bottom would be a pile of ash, there may also be some ash drifting down from the upper body and head. Kinda going after the circle of life idea and being in a constant state of distraction and growth. It won't be small, probably on the order of a half back piece and with the level of detail it will take awhile to ink >.<.

[Grundig]

On Tegratol and Vyvanse for Bipolar and ADHD 

 

My motivation kicked in 5 months ago when my wife and I really started talking about having kids. 

I looked around at all the kids in the area and realized that their parents were teaching them how to live by living not by speaking. If I didnt lose weight and get healthy my kids were going to learn from me how to be like me (Severely overweight and not able to do any activity for any length of time over a minute). I didnt want that - so my drive kicked on. its been 5 months and still going.

 

My point is this - once your inner drive kicks on and the gears start turning - just feed it daily with the type of fuel you need. Put up posters and pictures of things that either emphasize that feeling (Mine is a picture of honey booboo's mom and her , because .. NO .. NEVER LET MY KID DO THAT ..). 

 

Every engine needs fuel - and those of us with Mental instability are in need of MORE fuel then normal. You need a good support group and a good engine / drive. 

 

Once you find that though just keep feeding it. Keep going. It will work! 

[turdles]

I'm not sure if you're starting your journey of fitness for the purpose of self-medication or just self-improvement, but congrats regardless I hope it helps you feel better.

Nah I just don't want my bloated corpse to explode and spew guts on everyone like those whale carcasses and Henry VIII.

 

 

Actually that sounds pretty cool. Like a last F-U from beyond the grave...ahahaha

[dijos]

My therapist did EMDR therapy with me to help me cope with anxiety related to driving. That was helpful. Beyond that I'm not sure what the proper psychological terms are for what we did. I have a lousy relationship with my mother and believed a lot of the negative things she had told me or implied about me. My therapist helped me identify those things, speculate why my mother believed them, and realize that they were untrue and that I was not a horrible person for rejecting them. She also helped me figure out stressors and ways of dealing with them. And again, I went to a therapist for several years. Progress went slowly. I still have her number programmed into my cell phone just in case.

 

I still have very low self-esteem, but I don't think that there is anything else a therapist could do for me at this point. I can identify beliefs I hold about myself that may not be true, but I am still trying to make myself believe that they are not true. I doubt anyone could do that for me. I have always liked who I am, but it is only in the past year or so that I have started realizing that it's okay to like who I am. For so long I'd been told that, for the most part, who I am was weird and unacceptable and I should change. Much of the realization that I DON'T need to change has come from my current job.

 

 

2 things:

 

I found EMDR a wonder for my anxiety and trauma. Taht, and a few years of serious therapy. And wellbutrin, the wonder drug. It essentially cured add and depression-or, it was a bridge that I could use while I was working on issues in therapy. 

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

2 things:

 

I found EMDR a wonder for my anxiety and trauma. Taht, and a few years of serious therapy. And wellbutrin, the wonder drug. It essentially cured add and depression-or, it was a bridge that I could use while I was working on issues in therapy. 

 

YES. I take that one, and a couple others. Once I finally got medicated, even before I figured out the combination of medications that worked for me, I was amazed at the difference a small amount made. It's like they put a floor in my head so that I could only sink down so far, and then I was able to start pulling myself out again. If that makes any sense.

[dijos]

it makes perfect sense to me