I've hit the best kind of breaking point.

[Ich_Muss_Zerstoren]

Hi all, I'd like to keep a level of anonyminity on here as long as that's alright so you can call me Z.

 

I'm 25 and I've been overweight for the majority of my life, to varying degrees. At the worst in college, when I was drinking heavy and absolutely miserable, I topped out at 310. The lowest in years was 220, reached because I hit an incredibly black point where I'd resorted to starving myself out of desperation and sheer self-loathing. As a result of that I now have low blood sugar and get passing-out sick if I don't eat small bits of something sweet throughout the day (on the upside of that though, clementine oranges have become one of my best friends).

 

I'm also transgender unfortunately, FTM. This is the source for a LOT of my self-loathing, or at least has been in the past. I didn't want to work out because that kind of awareness of my body made me angry at best and outright suicidal at worst, so I starved because I felt like I deserved the punishment. I'm not happy with what biology has given to me, but its not my fault, and its not something that will dictate who I am. That's probably the last I'll bring it up on here, as its seriously something that I've grown to both loathe and be utterly disgusted by. I'd rather focus on the good things, the forward-moving things.

 

I've always been pushing myself to meet my own standards. In my work, in my hobbies, and not finally in my health and fitness. My boyfriend of four years has been my constant support, my constant venting ground and despite his persistent laziness is finally getting on the self-betterment bandwagon with me. For a few years now as a stress relief and way to burn off both calories and anger, we've sparred (sometimes with another close friend of ours) in my parents basement. It sounds goofy but its amazing and borderline spiritual for me to get lost in that feeling, that kind of physical poetry. We also have a small obsession with hoarding weapons, both 'legitimate' and improvised. One of the best gifts my boyfriend ever gave me was an old mop handle from his work that I've wrapped in hockey tape and now use as a quarterstaff.

 

Apologies for the long-winded and utterly irrelevant post, I'm awful at introductions and always will be. I found this site a few nights ago hunting desperately for "beginner's workout regimens" and similar things on Google. After three hours of utter frustration and heavy obscenity, this site came up and I finally liked what I saw. i don't know how much I'll post or how much useful input I'll have when I do, but I just felt joining up might be one more little piece of push in what's already become freak party of inertia and being utterly fed-up with the substandard. I finally have my goals in sight, I finally have the balls and teeth and boots to fight for them, and I finally have someone on my side fighting with me.

 

Its an honor and a privilege to join all you fine folks here.

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

For a few years now as a stress relief and way to burn off both calories and anger, we've sparred (sometimes with another close friend of ours) in my parents basement. It sounds goofy but its amazing and borderline spiritual for me to get lost in that feeling, that kind of physical poetry. We also have a small obsession with hoarding weapons, both 'legitimate' and improvised.

This makes total sense to me. When you're sparring with someone you trust the feeling goes beyond having a workout buddy or trying to win in a fight. It's about testing yourself against an unpredictable challenge and bettering yourself, but it's ALSO about helping the other person better himself/herself as well. That last part may be the most fulfilling part.

 

Weapons are also quite fun when you don't have to use them to defend your life for real. What's your favorite?

 

Also, welcome!

[Ich_Muss_Zerstoren]

I am a complete and total dork for staves and keep meaning to buy a proper pair of escrima sticks. Currently I've got a pair of hollow metal sticks wrapped in hockey tape that are more like batons and I love those things dearly.

[Svella]

 For a few years now as a stress relief and way to burn off both calories and anger, we've sparred (sometimes with another close friend of ours) in my parents basement. It sounds goofy but its amazing and borderline spiritual for me to get lost in that feeling, that kind of physical poetry. 

 

 

That's not goofy at all. If you've found something you enjoy so much, why not use it to help you in your weight loss goals? (:

 

Welcome to the site, hope you have a good time