Asperger/Autism/PDD/HFA Safe Space

[alienjenn]

I think it is cake. ... or candy or something

[Bekah]

Sex? That's like some kind of cake, right? I need to try it one of these days. Everyone's been talking about it.

I think it is cake. ... or candy or something

Its like a cupcake with a warm gooey center....good shit if you get the right kind

You should try it, repeatedly

[Bekah]

Dude. ... I haven't had sex since 2005.... the ONLY reason I have it is for period (and surrounding evilness) control

Ahhh ok, good enough answer.

[alienjenn]

Its like a cupcake with a warm gooey center....good shit if you get the right kind

You should try it, repeatedly

 

heh... good luck with that... I sincerely doubt it

 

 

Ahhh ok, good enough answer.

 

 

yeah... I have endo...

 

behind spoiler for people who don't care about period talk

 

 

the month before it was put it I was in the emergency room twice for weakness/dizziness/etc resulting from loss of blood (my hemoglobin went from 13 at a wic appointment to 6.9 in the emergency room from blood loss) THAT coupled with long term Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (basically super pms) and the fact that I almost died in labor with my last two kids... that was enough to do the IUD

 

but since you already have more than one kid... and you probably have pmdd... you could probably get your gyn to agree to it... I have the mirena which IS a hormonal one... some people have good luck with the copper coils but I preferred the hormonal one... they SAY it's good for 5 years... but I found myself having pmdd symptoms (basically continuous super bad pms at the 4.5 year mark) next time I will have it replaced in 4.5 years rather than waiting til 5

 

 

[Machete]

Its like a cupcake with a warm gooey center....good shit if you get the right kind

You should try it, repeatedly

 

Sounds fantastic. Is there a way to know if it's the right kind, or is it one of those hit-or-miss deals like McDonald's Chicken Nuggets?

 

I am going to try it. Where can I buy some? Or maybe I could make some by myself, that way if it sucks I can't blame it on anyone else.

 

[Artinum]

Yikes. Jenn, you have my sympathy on the endo front. One of my work colleagues enjoys the same condition and has on occasion been off work for weeks at a time.

 

Sex is a complicated and messy affair in which two (occasionally more) people perform a complicated ritual to assess whether the other person is interested without actually asking them. It took me a long time to figure out that one. Then I entered a slutty period where I sampled all the cupcakes I could get, figuratively speaking, and now I've stuck with one brand but rarely feel the urge for a nibble any more.

 

You know you're getting old when sex becomes too much hassle to bother with.

[Thrillho]

I forget the comedian, but I love it summed up as:

 

Two married people are sitting on the couch.  One turns to the other and says, "Do you want to have sex, or watch Law & Order?", to which their spouse replies, "Well... it's a new one..."

[Castiel]

I have a question for y'all. How and when did you get diagnosed officially? (subtext, how does one get diagnosed?)

[alienjenn]

I have a question for y'all. How and when did you get diagnosed officially? (subtext, how does one get diagnosed?)

My son went to a clinic that specializes in aspergers. ... I had done my research and was ninety percent certain so I took him there

It was two days of evaluations and going over school records and whatnot

[Thrillho]

It took four and a half years of referrals, requests, and getting the run-around from doctors, school officials and the government.

 

...

 

You have a clinic for that sort of thing?

[Castiel]

Sex is a complicated and messy affair... too much hassle to bother with.

 

I trimmed down your post to make more sense.

[alienjenn]

it's called the Kleugy center for children... they have a clinic for aspergers/autism... 

 

it's at the university of virginia... we also had evaluations at james madison university (because the boys were receiving meds for adhd and they were getting tested for an IEP) which indicated that Zombie should have follow up with the Kleugy center...

 

 

 

I suspected that he had aspegers from the time he was about 18 months or so... it took until he was 8 to get the diagnosis MOST of that was because my ex was an asshole who thought that I was making things up (I was a stay at home mom and he never was home and never interacted with the kids on any level even when he WAS home) so until I divorced him  (when Zombie was 6) I wasn't allowed to even mention to the doctors that I thought he had adhd let alone adhd AND aspergers.... and if I thought I was going to dope him up I was out of my mind.... sigh

[SevenofSeven]

Took us about 2 years to get diagnosis with my two. It was harder because we were homeschoolers so had no "proof" from the professionals aka educators.

My 16 year old is beginning to show real signs of aggression. Thinking it might be time to do a check up, if we can get in.

[Machete]

Googled a place that does ADOS and made an appointment. Took a few actual hours and a few hundred bucks.

[Bekah]

I have a question for y'all. How and when did you get diagnosed officially? (subtext, how does one get diagnosed?)

I got fired from a job for "personality conflicts" (that I was entirely unaware of) and I read a book about women with Aspergers and fit EVERY single criteria listed in her chart (the book and chart I posted in the first post of this thread), and it was like reading a book about my life, so I was fairly convinced, and bc I was working with a Vocational Rehabilitation Agency at the time, and got fired, they could justify paying for the testing for me, so I found a Neuropsychologist and got the testing done. Most insurance wont pay for it though, and its several thousand dollars, but if you are under 18, you might be able to get one done through community mental health. 

Also, as of last year, the dx of Aspergers no longer exists officially, and now its just part of the Autism umbrella, and so it's supposedly much harder to get a diagnosis. When I went, I knew I was able to "pass" enough to not get a diagnosis, so I intentionally acted like I would when I wasnt trying to "fit in" and exacerbated my traits that other people said were "weird" and that helped I think. Also I went in with a list of the DSM IV (now the DSM V) criteria for Aspergers and situations in my life that I felt fit the criteria and I think that made a difference as well, it definitely made their job easier. 

[Artinum]

I was thirteen, which is over half a lifetime ago now. Aspergers was very new back then. It's become disappointingly trendy now, and I find it irritating that kids are given so much leeway for it now. I was forced to develop to adapt to society and became much more independent and capable as a result. Today's kids are told society needs to adapt to them, and that's more harmful in the long term.

[Castiel]

Thanks, everyone. The reason I ask is that one of my co-workers (who is married to an aspie), really thinks that I am, and has told me so twice now. I have since been doing my research, and it always feels like I am reading a character description of myself. That and those 50-70question online screening things keep saying to consult a professional (that said, I feel like that is the default setting for screening tests. The MENSA one says the same thing).

 

But the thing is, I've made it to 25 without anything being that big of a deal, people just think I'm weird (I am pretty objectively weird). While things have been a bit more difficult in the real world since getting out of school, I'm generally pretty okay.

 

It would be nice for someone to be like, "Yes, you're on the spectrum. Not that it makes any objective difference to you life. Shut up and stop complaining" or "No, you're not. You're just weird and awkward. Shut up stop complaining." I don't really know how to go forward though, and I don't really like doctors.

[Bekah]

Thanks, everyone. The reason I ask is that one of my co-workers (who is married to an aspie), really thinks that I am, and has told me so twice now. I have since been doing my research, and it always feels like I am reading a character description of myself. That and those 50-70question online screening things keep saying to consult a professional (that said, I feel like that is the default setting for screening tests. The MENSA one says the same thing).

 

But the thing is, I've made it to 25 without anything being that big of a deal, people just think I'm weird (I am pretty objectively weird). While things have been a bit more difficult in the real world since getting out of school, I'm generally pretty okay.

 

It would be nice for someone to be like, "Yes, you're on the spectrum. Not that it makes any objective difference to you life. Shut up and stop complaining" or "No, you're not. You're just weird and awkward. Shut up stop complaining." I don't really know how to go forward though, and I don't really like doctors.

I didnt get diagnosed until my mid 30's bc it wasn't something that impacted my life in any large negative way. I didn't care that I was weird, but after trying (and failing) for several years to get/keep a job, and that keeping me in a marriage I am very unhappy in, it's been a HUGE step in understanding where I "fit" in the world, and how to best navigate that world when I don't "get it" but honestly, I didn't NEED the diagnosis once I understood that about myself, but it HAS helped in the sense of being that I have another unrelated physical disability, being dual diagnosed allows me to qualify for services otherwise unavailable to me and better equips me to get the help I need bc now I know what the professionals need to know about me from the beginning.

But employment and deep interpersonal relationships are by FAR the places my AS shows up the worst in navigating the world and without employment, I have no way to access many things that DO help me cope with the things that make my being in the world more difficult (like I cant afford yoga classes (or transportation costs to get to those classes) for example, which REALLY help me with emotional regulation and overall fitness and self esteem and self confidence...and I can't seem to recreate that as well with a home practice) so for me it has helped considerably.

I think the BEST thing for me, was that having the diagnosis allowed me to accept things about me that I was told all my life were wrong and bad and I needed to change, and tried unsuccessfully to change, and that made me feel broken and inferior and I just assumed I was mentally ill, were part of who I was neurologically and couldnt change (not to say they cant be improved to some degree with appropriate help) and not what everyone else told me they were...and so now I change what I can, and don't beat myself to death over what I cant...and it has made me love myself the way I am...and THAT is awesome, and without the diagnosis, I dont know that I would ever have done that  

[alienjenn]

so... I could probably pursue a diagnosis at this point if I wanted to... I fit MANY of the descriptors... 

 

but I learned a LONG time ago how to deal with my personality quirks and turn them into strengths... I learned a long time ago how to shut off that part of my brain that turns testing into such an anxiety by bassically mentally walling myself off (almost like self induced trance or something) 

 

I don't really WANT to interact with people at work... and it's always super busy here so it's considered ok to not be really chatty kathy... 

 

it wouldn't really change the way that I do things in my life so I haven't bothered... AND the hyper attention to detail and ability to see patterns in obscure things helps me a LOT in my job (I am a nurse in intensive care) I developed tools that help me with my short comings (a super detailed report sheet with check boxes for all the little things I have to do/chart each shift) and at home I developed tools that help me deal with it (ROUTINES!!!... a "launch pad" area where everything goes and a "control center" where all the notes/lists/whatever go....)

 

it's not perfect but my tools help me deal with life... and I can help other people too... so it's not terrible

[Machete]

I was thirteen, which is over half a lifetime ago now. Aspergers was very new back then. It's become disappointingly trendy now, and I find it irritating that kids are given so much leeway for it now. I was forced to develop to adapt to society and became much more independent and capable as a result. Today's kids are told society needs to adapt to them, and that's more harmful in the long term.

 

Autistic Hipsters. We were Autistic before it was cool. That's why we all left WrongPlanet. Haha

 

 

A diagnosis is okay, as long as one doesn't use it as an excuse to act like an asshole. And even if you get it and don't, some butthurt people are still going to act like you're using it as an excuse to act like an asshole when you mention it to them. So maybe just stay an asshole? It involves a lot less explanations.

[Guzzi]

I didnt get diagnosed until my mid 30's bc it wasn't something that impacted my life in any large negative way. I didn't care that I was weird, but after trying (and failing) for several years to get/keep a job, and that keeping me in a marriage I am very unhappy in, it's been a HUGE step in understanding where I "fit" in the world, and how to best navigate that world when I don't "get it" but honestly, I didn't NEED the diagnosis once I understood that about myself, but it HAS helped in the sense of being that I have another unrelated physical disability, being dual diagnosed allows me to qualify for services otherwise unavailable to me and better equips me to get the help I need bc now I know what the professionals need to know about me from the beginning.

But employment and deep interpersonal relationships are by FAR the places my AS shows up the worst in navigating the world and without employment, I have no way to access many things that DO help me cope with the things that make my being in the world more difficult (like I cant afford yoga classes (or transportation costs to get to those classes) for example, which REALLY help me with emotional regulation and overall fitness and self esteem and self confidence...and I can't seem to recreate that as well with a home practice) so for me it has helped considerably.

I think the BEST thing for me, was that having the diagnosis allowed me to accept things about me that I was told all my life were wrong and bad and I needed to change, and tried unsuccessfully to change, and that made me feel broken and inferior....

This is why I've been tying to get my little brother diagnosed. He's 26 and in a really bad place emotionally because he feels he's "failing" in life. We tried going through our doctor a few years back and didn't get anywhere but recently we came across a charity that helps people with autism and it looks like he might get assessed pretty quickly.

Thank God! I think it will make a massive difference to him to know why he has these problems and more importantly, how to work around them.

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[kaelvan]

I was part of the first of kids being labeled Autistic. Since it was so new when I was diagnosis, my mom actually cried in the basement after hearing that. My mom is pretty sure if the label was around when she was a kid, she be on labeled it as well. It's sad to think my mom was just labeled as stupid.

[Artinum]

I do wonder about my mother, actually. She's prone to some of the same nonsense that I come up with. But I don't think she ever had any social difficulties.

[Machete]

So question. Anyone else here have a crushing fetish?

[Bekah]

I was part of the first of kids being labeled Autistic. Since it was so new when I was diagnosis, my mom actually cried in the basement after hearing that. My mom is pretty sure if the label was around when she was a kid, she be on labeled it as well. It's sad to think my mom was just labeled as stupid.

I do wonder about my mother, actually. She's prone to some of the same nonsense that I come up with. But I don't think she ever had any social difficulties.

I told my stepmom about my diagnosis and how I thought my dad might have an undiagnosed ASD, and she agreed, but it would make zero difference to him especially now.