Avitus' awakening

[AvitusXenoi]

Light plays behind my closed eyes; hypnagogic colors swell and fade in and out of each other. A resonant hum becomes stronger as cerebral frequencies propagate. I stay calm as the wave crashes, paralyzed and falling fast. Breathing steady, my descent slows and my consciousness is. In the formless space a wavering light bubbles before me, and I embrace the vision.

I find myself standing amidst vernal hills. Ponderosa pine trees mingle with aspen, purple and yellow wildflowers adorn the grass in the meadow where I stand. All is still and silent; forms that seem substantial shift evanescent upon close inspection. It is a lucid construct, made of memories, and to the silence I bow and speak, "I am ready for my lesson."

Immediately the grass under foot flattens and weaves itself into a glyph ten paces across. It is a geometric pattern reminiscent of fractals and ancient eastern mosaics; I have never seen it before but know it to represent my Name, the beingness that guides my form through generation after generation of experience.

The grass stops squeaking and writhing. The sound of a bell tolls and grabs me by the heart. It is powerful and terrifying; there is no turning back from this lesson.

Something feels wrong, I feel wrong inside and afraid. I feel that I may die now and am not prepared for whatever the truth of that might be. My stomach lurches with a sickening twist and I fall to my hands and knees gagging black bile and staining my Name. Tears burn in my eyes and I wretch again as I feel something enormous making it's way up my throat. I hear bones crack and sinews pop, my jaw opens impossibly wide as a squirming form emerges and slips from my mouth and lands heavily on the grass.

The lesson asks more of my courage than I anticipated. I would have deigned to pursue it had I known.

Thankful that the purge is over I feel my neck and face to find them whole and look at the black, wriggling mass that is staining the grass beneath me. It is about two feet long and encased in a dark, slimy sheath that I might equate with a diseased placenta.

A faint gurgling sound comes from the sack and I am moved to try and free whatever I might find within. I use my hands to wipe away the filth and slime; it smells of poison and unwholesome humours. A small humanoid form is revealed, caught somewhere between babe and man, and after coughing up gobs of bloody black slime it begins to sob with a sorrow that cuts me to my core. It is bound tightly with wires of many colors, red wires of shame, black wires of addiction, green apathy, purple pain and cloudy blue hopelessness. Sparse hair pokes from between the wires round its head, pale skin, and a pungent odor of sickness. The bindings part at its keening mouth and over one blue eye, which rolls towards me and the being laments, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know! I didn't know I'm so sorry!"

Tears rush from my own eyes and I put my hand to my mouth, choking as I see what I have done to my self. Abandoning my wisdom, my effort, and my love I have allowed this torment to be. Possessing the capacity to prevent it and to mend it I have yet broken and bound myself. Self-loathing, abuse, doubt and blind lovelessness.

Together we mourn for just a few moments. I wipe my eyes and lay a gentle hand upon his head.

"It is I who am sorry, little one," as I take his warped face in my hands and kiss his brow. His sorrow abates and we SEE one another.

"It will take more than words to mend this, but we WILL mend."

Silent tears now stream from the familiar blue eye between the wires. I gather little broken Me up from the stained ground and get to my feet.

"Now let's see about getting these wires off of you."

Holding Me close and walking towards the summer hills the red wires of shame lose their power and blow away like cinnamon in the wind.

-Thus begins my battle log. I am still working out my goals for my first challenge, I want them to be wise. I want to remove the wires and make my way to vitality. I thank the nerdfitness community for their inspiration. I won't let us down.

[AvitusXenoi]

Alright so I am trying to get my goals straightened out for the challenge and this is what I've come up with:

Main Quest: To attain a lean, strong physique that serves to increase my health and confidence. I have probably 25 pounds of fat to lose and want to put on some muscle as well, so no specific weight goal. 10% Fat by May 18 2016. Ordering my caliper on Friday:-)

SQ1-Wake up an hour earlier than usual to prepare a paleo breakfast (6am wed-sun)

A-Don't miss a single day

B-Miss 3 days or less

C-Miss 4-6 days

F- Miss 7+ days

SQ2-Do body weight circuits 3 days per week, monday, Thursday and Saturday

A-Miss 1 day (to allow for overzeal DOMs on the first week)

B-Miss 2-3 days

C-Miss 4-5 days

F-Miss 6+ days

SQ3-Find 10 minutes to meditate each day.

A-Every day can afford 10 minutes.

B-Miss 1 day.

C-Miss 2-4 days.

F-Miss 5+ days.

LQ-quit smoking

A-F-Pass-Fail-Live-Die

Motivations:

I have never had any pride in my body. I have never known what it is like to be strong. I have never been truly lean. I have not been free of addiction in 11 years. My mother is dead from lung cancer and my blood pressure is high. I will probably not live another 20 years if I do not change. I want to have pride. I want to be disciplined. I want to make my mother proud.

[AvitusXenoi]

Got my bicycle out of storage and hopped on it for the first time in about a year. I always loved riding bike growing up but wooee! Hills seem hillier than I remember. I figured that the fact that it takes so much more out of me means it will be a good mode of transportation for getting to work. i usually walk, it's a 20 minute stroll but not strenuous. That's what's new today.

[AvitusXenoi]

Rode the bike to work today, what fun! Getting rid of some cupboard food as I try to improve diet. black beans, mushrooms n noodles today. can of tuna in my pocket and veggies in the backpack. Also out of smokes and have -.67 cents in the bank until midnight >:} A little prechallenge challenge. bringit. *Fated Circle!*

[Hratheceane]

There's something exhilarating about riding a bike, isn't there? I haven't owned a bike in ages, though, so I gotta make the 30+ minute walk to work on foot. Oh well, it's something. But I'm hoping to go bike riding on some trails soon, or at least hiking. I need Nature, aaughh!!

[AvitusXenoi]

There's something exhilarating about riding a bike, isn't there? I haven't owned a bike in ages, though, so I gotta make the 30+ minute walk to work on foot. Oh well, it's something. But I'm hoping to go bike riding on some trails soon, or at least hiking. I need Nature, aaughh!!

Do you have a lot of trails close to where you live? I am lucky in that respect we have dozens and dozens of them close at hand.

[Hratheceane]

Do you have a lot of trails close to where you live? I am lucky in that respect we have dozens and dozens of them close at hand.

Definitely! I'm around a bunch of mountains and state parks and such. But then again, I still do need a ride to most of the places. I used to live in a town with a nature park right in it, but the "city" *coughcoughghettocough* that I live in now, I've got to walk across town to get to the only park we have. I still find ways to get out into nature, that's for sure.

[AvitusXenoi]

Part of my leveling up process is going to involve paying more attention to my finances. In that regard I am starting to pay my landlord half of my rent with one check and half with the other. My rent is about 30 percent of my income, might as well spread that out and it won't hit so hard. Then maybe I can get some savings together and grab me a little camper. Solve this rent problem Thoreau-style.

My credit is trashed so it's important to repair it. If only to feel a little more like a real live grown up. I may not like the capitalist setup, but it isn't going anywhere. Kinda like the chocobo racing minigame in FFX; you don't have to like it but if you want Caldbolg you gotta play the game.

As I've been preparing for the upcoming challenge it's been largely logistical; planning what I'm going to do THEN and not doing a whole lot now. Today seems like a good day to get my feet a lil wetter. Making a few healthier meal choices here n there, riding a bike to work, these are potatoes too small for the fight ahead. The tutorial level is over and if I want to make a good bout of the boss battle coming up I'd best grind out a few XP. Maybe stock up on potions, antidotes, and a phoenix down or two.

I found the "20 second berserker rage" article, that's good stuff.

One of my concerns is that I'll push it too hard at the start of the challenge and get DOMs to the point training is unhealthy. So? I've got a couple weeks to help my body adjust and prevent that exact scenario.

Tonight after work I'll do just one round of the beginner bodyweight workout. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. And the next day. If it's all good then I'll do it again and add the second circuit but with 5 rep sets instead of 10. Once again, wait a day, and the day after that improve or repeat. get my muscles used to the work.

So. Tonight.

[Hratheceane]

Oh god, screw that mini game to bits.

 

And please please please don't do what I did! Warm up before you do any sort of these exercises and properly stretch afterwards. You'll regret it if you don't. 

[AvitusXenoi]

Oh yeah, even with stretching I have tended to be overzealous in the past. find a good rhythm and run way too far too soon, blammo; can't hardly walk for a week. 20 second berserker mode, self, not one hour...and thanks for hating the chocobo races, they make me hulk quickly.

[AvitusXenoi]

The challenge is starting a week before I thought, awesomeness. Time for Theoden to give that blood-boiling speech; "Deeeeeeeeeath!"

[AvitusXenoi]

Bought a set of dumbells today with 40 pounds of weights, a weeks worth of healthy food, mounted a pull up bar in my exercise room. Between that, my perfect pushup deals and bodyweight circuits I should have everything i need to make it past neophyte grade fitness. I keep reminding myself "80% diet." Super pumped for Monday! I am ready to become.

[Hratheceane]

Bought a set of dumbells today with 40 pounds of weights, a weeks worth of healthy food, mounted a pull up bar in my exercise room. Between that, my perfect pushup deals and bodyweight circuits I should have everything i need to make it past neophyte grade fitness. I keep reminding myself "80% diet." Super pumped for Monday! I am ready to become.

Epic! I'm super pumped too!

[AvitusXenoi]

Made a big foamboard chart to track my challenge daily and keep my quests in my face. I hung it up in the doorway that leads into the room with the TV and beyond that the kitchen. I literally have to duck to get past it and it is facing the front door right as I walk in. I can't really afford to go all fresh veggies paleo, but I'm getting as close as I can with a freezer stocked with a wide variety of frozen veggies. Also grabbed some chicken breasts, legs n thighs, some on sale pork chops and a deal of chicken gizzards and hearts (this was less than $2). Have two cartons of 18 eggs, one of which I boiled up for handy portable food. Also got organic coconut oil for cooking.

[jadynrayne]

Coconut oil is amazing! I like it much better than olive oil! I used it to cook my chick. Breasts in! Nom!sounds like your getting ready for an epic battle! You can do this my friend!

. jadynrayne

[AvitusXenoi]

Coconut oil is amazing! I like it much better than olive oil! I used it to cook my chick. Breasts in! Nom!sounds like your getting ready for an epic battle! You can do this my friend!

. jadynrayne

My entire life has literally been leading up to this moment, and that goes for all of us. It's time to kick some ass bebe.

[Hratheceane]

You've got some good food there, buddy! I'm curious to try organ meats myself. I doubt they're bad at all, actually. 

[AvitusXenoi]

You've got some good food there, buddy! I'm curious to try organ meats myself. I doubt they're bad at all, actually.

Me too I never got to try anything more adventurous than liver afa organ meats go. I don't think gizzards and hearts probably count but I'm sure they're good protein. I've loved gizzards ever since I was little I'm going to have to learn to love them without them being deep fried.

[AvitusXenoi]

This morning as I was walking up to my work place I saw a little bird on the sidewalk. I work at a hotel, so there's a large parking lot right out front. It was a baby Turkey, about 6" tall and he was shifting his little feet by a trash can. I slowed as I walked past him and we met eyes. He burbled at me and took a couple steps forward. I felt bad but I felt there was nothing I could do for him. My mom was a big animal lover and we had taken in baby animals of all sorts growing up, most of which died but not all. I have a cat at home so I cannot adopt a baby Turkey. I had to get in to work and clock in so I just kept walking.

He made it about 20 feet from where I last saw him. He was sheltering in the shade of a car and it got him. When I saw him I felt so bad. I wish I had at least picked him up and taken him to the trees behind the hotel. He probably would have died anyways but maybe there was a chance he would have met up with other turkeys. Dying alone in the middle of a parking lot just seems so messed up. He was clearly lost and confused and I can relate to those feelings. I climbed the hill side behind the hotel and buried him up there, apologizing and letting him know that I would surely join him someday.

The next time something like this happens I will at least try SOMETHING.

[AvitusXenoi]

I have decided that I'm going to post a video on youtube of my initial workout and then another of my final. I think it would probably be wise to post a midpoint workout video too so I can get feedback on my form if needed. I thought about waiting until the end to post the videos but it seems it would keep me much more accountable to post the one where I suck at the beginning, lay it all out there so I have more pressure to stay committed.

I just hacked my lungs out after finishing a cigarette. I am NOT going to miss that.

I also had Papa John's Pizza for lunch today as a sort of a farewell to the forbidden fruit. About 30 minutes later I had heartburn and my energy level just divebombed. I'm not going to miss that either.

[Hratheceane]

I'm sorry about the turkey That's such an upsetting thing to see. Unfortunately, that's part of nature.

 

And I thought you might find it interesting that somehow "Avitus' awakening" ended up in my dream last night. I was flying over what was a vague map of Cyrodill (Sorry if you don't know Elder scrolls games). I had apparently done some cheating, because I was basically using levitation to get into a locked city (It was where Bruma is, but it resembled Skingrad more) and I went to buy a house. It initially didn't want to let me because it said that I would have the maximum number of houses or keys after I completed what was apparently supposed to be my first quest, Avitus' Awakening.

 

It was a pretty wild dream. My alarm woke me up just when I was sinking through a hillside full of stones. Very strange timing.

[AvitusXenoi]

I love Bethesda so freaking much. It was my love of that sandboxy realm that got me thinking "Why don't I do this in real life?" Look where that question led me XD It's funny that Blaidd tagged me assassin, that's my favorite build in any Elder Scrolls game. Sneaky little bastard who's lethal with bow and blade. Maybe you weren't cheating, maybe you were exploiting a Morrowindy spell creation system. Step 1: steal as much mazte and sujamma as you can carry. 2. Ride the stilt strider to vivec 3. Drink all your drugs 4. Smack down the ordinators in a methy frenzy 5. Ride back to balmora 6. Drop the ten zillion pounds of ordinator armor 7. Sell, level, repeat until acrobatics allows spidermanny boinging.

Ah, the first next gen...

[AvitusXenoi]

JadynRayne reminded me that the 26th is on Sunday, not Monday as I thought. Must've looked at the calender sideways; hopefully I didn't cause any confusion with all my "new challenge starts Monday good luck!" business. :S

I've been awake for 2 hours and am still wheezing from my deathstix.

I don't want to sell me deathstix.

I want to go home and rethink my life.

[AvitusXenoi]

This is my battle theme. Crazy awesome spaznoiz that makes me imagine advent childreny shenanigans >:}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpuYs1DE97k&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[AvitusXenoi]

Tonight's mission: finishing touches on the batcave.

Remove all ashtrays and any evidence that a smoker ever lived there. All lighters must go as well, if I want to light a candle I'll light a skewer on the stove.

Clean up the relics of drunken disorder.

Get rid of any food that has no business in my house.

Prepare the music/art room for use.

Generally clean and organize.

Thaw frozen meat for next two days.

Crap pants with excitement.

Wash pants.