Two years

[QuietMayhem]

It's been two years since I even looked at this page. The last time I didn't add anything. I talked just once and I hid in the shadows. Just like I am accustomed to doing. I am a shapeshifter and I can hide in plain sight. 

 

Despite that, I am going to change. 

 

I will be healthier. I will be thinner. I will shed the unhealthy weight. 

 

Anyway, 

 

Hi. I'm Alice or sometimes, Rain. 

 

I'll post more when I get to my Daily Battle Log. 

 

​I picked Assassin though with no true idea what that means. I don't have the program. I'm just using this forum in hopes to make myself more accountable. 

[QuietMayhem]

Okay. It's been a few days and I'm feeling braver so I'm willing to share my story. 

 

When I was Eighteen, I was slightly overweight at 185 lbs. I can remember being unhappy about the extra weight and talking to my mom and her wanting me to join overeaters anonymous. I can remember being hurt by how mean that sounded. I didn't overeat, I was just lazy and I knew it but I couldn't find a hobby that I enjoyed doing that was outside. 

 

Well, at 19, I got pregnant. Which I hid from my parents. I put on weight and had a healthy baby girl. I couldn't convince myself to lose weight because of the wave of depression that followed her. (Postpartum Depression is a bitch by the way) I moved in my then boyfriend's parents, now husband, and we ate horribly. We had to feed us, the baby and his parents. His stepfather would only eat certain foods otherwise, he would refuse to eat and be a complete asshole towards us. So we ate almost nothing but Hamburger Helper for years. I didn't want to move from in front of the computer. I didn't want to face what I had become and I ate away any sadness. In this time I went from 220 lbs to 250 lbs. 

 

At 24, I got pregnant again. This time, I told my parents right away and was called a fucking idiot. I fell into another deep depression and ate more. Sadness was easy to eat away. When I finally gave birth to my second daughter, I weighed 285 lbs. There was more depression after her and I gained more weight. 

 

At the highest, I've weighed 315lbs.

 

Lately, I have been doing 5Ks and I've even done a 10K before. I walk them but I do enjoy the walk. 

 

I try to lose weight but I have issues with sugar, dairy and carbs. 

 

I figured out what Assassin is and I do like that. I want to do Yoga, Bodyweight fitness, Aerial silks, and things of that nature.  

[JessOfAllTrades]

Welcome to the Rebellion! I hope you don't mind I traveled over here from your post about the Baltimore/Annapolis area.  It's awesome to hear you're already out there walking 5ks and 10ks.

 

Depression is so, so difficult to work with when we're trying to be healthier and better. I look forward to hearing about your new adventures and skills! And I'm totally serious about joining you for an aerial silks class - I've always wanted to try and been waaaaaay to chicken to do so.

[QuietMayhem]

No worries. I'm looking forward to posting about my new adventures. I replied to the silks class.  

[fitnessgurl]

Hi Alice. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with depression. I fight with it myself, although I have the opposite problem. I stop eating. Not good. I'm better than I was. It used to live with me all the time. Now it only comes 'round occasionally.

It can get better. Change your habits one at a time. One thing I've learned is that I'm more "up" when I eat properly and exercise regularly. *hugs* I know you can do this.

[Hyperion]

In terms of smart, Getting kids is always a poor choice considering how much time and money it consumes to build them into functional human beings. But there are genes that drive people into doing it, so it doesn't make you idiot. Next time tell your parents to pick their genes better when they start judging you :-D. I've been struggling with depression all my life. I still wonder why we stop moving and doing stuff when we are depressed. If we'd do so much stuff that there'd be no time to get sad, it would have no time to ruin everything and probably make the problems go away as 80 of reasons for depression are social and economical. :-D nonetheless happy to have you here! And don't mind me i'm bit strange!

[QuietMayhem]

In terms of smart, Getting kids is always a poor choice considering how much time and money it consumes to build them into functional human beings. But there are genes that drive people into doing it, so it doesn't make you idiot. Next time tell your parents to pick their genes better when they start judging you :-D. I've been struggling with depression all my life. I still wonder why we stop moving and doing stuff when we are depressed. If we'd do so much stuff that there'd be no time to get sad, it would have no time to ruin everything and probably make the problems go away as 80 of reasons for depression are social and economical. :-D nonetheless happy to have you here! And don't mind me i'm bit strange!

 

I would expect nothing less from Vegeta.