Okay. I messed up. Deep breath, press Restart.

[Rhovaniel]

Did not think I was going to be posting back on here again. It's been a shameful five, maybe six months since I came here last? Ouch. I have a habit of trying things and leaving the dead ends trailing behind me, to be forgotten about and swept under the carpet. This time, I'm not doing it to myself. I refuse to let this die. I'm getting back up, and I am starting my life again. Hitting restart, if you will. 

 

Anyway, I am not going to dive into any excuses. In any case, I have none. But, here's a brief overview of what the last half a year has been like: I started out great, but somehow, I let my demons win. Well, they won the first battle anyway. I cleaned up my diet, cut my chocolate intake from around five or so bars a week or maybe two, even split up with my long-term love, Haagen-Daas. But, insecurities, a sense of isolation (I'm an introvert, making friends.. okay, even talking to another human is frightening) and the all to common "let one workout slip, oops has it really been a week? Three? Oh crap, I haven't exercised in months" pitfall appeared. I rushed headlong into sloth. 

 

I kept wanting to change, get back on my path to health and fitness. Funny how your mind is your own worst enemy if you let it. My bf says most of my problems come from over-thinking things. He's right. I spent an hour trying to write a short, under 250 word email today because I didn't know the guy personally. I wish I was exaggerating. But no. Sadly, I'm not. 

 

 So, imagine how my mind let me get out of health and fitness. A pizza only takes 6 minutes in the oven, and you need time to work on that essay.... there's no time to go for a run, you have to read this journal article for class. ugh. I hate myself for every time I let myself think that. 

 

So, I'm not battling myself. I'm battling the demons that inhabit my brain (anyone remember the animorphs series by K. A. Applegate?) and THEY. WILL. NOT. WIN! My life starts tonight. With a healthy dinner and a night roaming NerdFitness for inspiration for tomorrow's battle, the first of many. I actually think I'm going to run with the whole reborn thing, the first day of my life. I dunno. Something cool to keep me motivated, anything. 

 

Sorry this a bit of a ramble through my thoughts. Just had to lay it out here. Got to start somewhere! Wish me luck

 

 

 

 

[TMedina]

Woooo-saaaaaaah.  Forgiveness starts with yourself first.

 

Welcome back, and good luck!

[Rhovaniel]

Thanks, TMedina. At the moment, I'm still pretty annoyed with myself that I let myself slip for so long. I'm so used to the cycle of falling by the wayside and "stating again" that I guess it just scared me, that I'll never break out of it. Same old weakness. Forgiveness will hopefully come later, when I show myself I can stick with this. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement

 

I need to keep pushing, and hopefully, small changes will equal big, sustainable results. Had a pretty good first day. No chocolate or junk food, just prawn salad for lunch and chicken salad for dinner (I work long shifts till late at night, so it had to be a quick and easy grab. Going to have to think of some more creative take to work dinner ideas when I have the time)

 

My job is pretty sedentary, but I walked to work (bout half an hour's brisk walk) so that's a step in the right direction. Small hobbit steps to Mordor! (Then maybe back to hang out in Rivendell ) Going to start a battle log on here soon, as well. 

[Oshika789]

You... are ME! I felt like I was reading something that I wrote. Your slump that turned into a rut (sloth mode! Haha!)... It happens, LIFE happens. Unfortunately, we can't fix the past, we can only try to make better choices going forward. I don't want to think of it as starting over, because like you said, it turns into a cycle, and feels like failure. 

 

Maybe we need to shift our focus. How many times do we have a decent day that we don't count as a win? How many baby steps do we forget about the second we make one less-than-great choice? It's going to happen. But we need to focus on what we're doing right, and keep adding to it bit by bit.

 

This weekend, I am planning dinners for the week before grocery shopping to avoid the pizza/fast food dinner trap, and making sure to have some healthy snack choices on hand. I know I can't change everything all at once (and expect to stick with it long term), so this is my small step for this week.

 

Love that you walked to work! I wish that was an option for me. It sounds like (weather permitting) that you could make that a habit, and have some built in exercise in your daily commute!

 

You can do this, no luck needed!

[Rhovaniel]

That's a great way of looking at it. Less a fresh start, more a new chapter. Thanks! I think I have a tendency to try change everything at once. But this time, I'm going to give slow and steady a go. This week, get my food under control and start walking more. I'm in Paris for the weekend, so no excuses there! Then build on it week by week. I already walk to uni every day (work's a part time thing), but I live 15 mins away, so it's not enough to counterbalance all the junk I was eating. Unless it's pouring outside - and living in England, there's a pretty good chance of rain all the time! - I'll walk to work as well, which is about an hour each way. 

 I do need to take stock of all the good, tiny things that I don't give myself credit for. Like choosing a healthy meal when eating out and all the other options look delicious. Or having a green/herbal tea instead of of those delicious hot chocolates that a certain coffee outlet knows I'm addicted to! It all adds up!

 

Good luck with grocery shopping, sounds like an excellent plan to me. Takeaways aren't my nemesis, but if I shop hungry, somehow a couple packs of chocolate end up in my basket!

[Fearkiller]

If you need support with the social anxiety, I'd look there

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/47638-introverts-social-misfits-and-the-terror-of-talking-to-people/

 

Some creative help for snacks

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/69459-any-recommendations-for-vegetable-snacks-at-work/

[Rhovaniel]

Thanks for those links. Not really sure where I fit on the social spectrum, but I think a lot of it is just confidence (and a controlling/OCD mother who made childhood... interesting.) But I'm trying to push myself everyday, in small ways. Like, going to my tutor for help with my essay (methodological essay on uses and misuses of history). She shares an office with three others, two of whom also teach me and one who is SCARY. Like, no nonsense head of history scary. But anyhow. Appointment made. Hopefully, it'll go well.

 

The latest post on the NerdFitness blog (a fitness epic) really helped. Like, sit up and pay attention helped. Small steps really are the way forward for me. My first step is at least one healthy meal a day, and to actually eat a meal, rather than a continual snacking period that has sometimes substituted for a meal in the past. Coupled with a little extra exercise, just walking more, moving more in general. 

 

 Anyhow, I've made a start. Okay, stressing about uni work ruined any ideas for a healthy lunch. Chocolate featured heavily there. But for dinner tonight, I made chicken stir-fry, with just chicken and a selection of veg: courgette, runner beans (not the best choice tbh), peppers and mushrooms. Delicious and filling. I cooked extra chicken to put together with some rice/quinoa mix for tomorrow's lunch at work, so there's another healthy meal. All from one tablespoon of oil

 

Thanks for all the help. It means a lot.