Not this damn dungeon AGAIN

[Raincloak]

Remember that awesome trip to Europe I had last year when I was sick of looking for office jobs I hated? (No? Nvm then. It was great.)

Fast forward 10 months. Trip's long over, savings are depleted, and rent is due. And I'm no closer to the job of my dreams than I ever was. In fact I'm not closer to any job at all.

I feel like I'm back at that goddamn Forest Temple, running round and round in circles, cause I solved every puzzle I could reach and I can't seem to locate the next door. And every time I walk out of the dungeon, the switches reset, so I have to start over. This blows. (And a certain mentor won't move off that Temple seal, so no more sidequesting until I get a job.)

Anyways. Under extreme pressure from relatives (I got "voluntold" in short), I showed a recent resume draft to my aunt, who's a big executive that organizes everyone's business for them. She informed me it needed a complete overhaul and I immediately had to leave the room so I could break down in tears.

Showing any of my writing or submitting applications causes me very bad anxiety (it has since high school, repeated therapy has not cured the problem and I can't afford any more). Since I still have to pay rent, I have to apply for jobs anyway, but it's tough when I don't really want any of the jobs I'm qualified for and I can't think of any job I'd really like, even if I could afford to go back to school.

How do I get past severe anxiety for a task that won't even make me happy if I complete it? I suppose eviction would make me even less happy than a job I hate, but it's hard to grasp that when just looking at my resume makes me cry. All the self help books claim this game is fun, but it's never been fun for me.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

... I suppose eviction would make me even less happy than a job I hate, ...

 

^ This will be the main thing to keep in mind, as shitty as it sounds :\ How much time do you have to work with?

 

Also, are there any career or job search help centres in your area that could help with 1) resume and cover letter writing, and 2) figuring out what type of job or career would be best for you? I know that this may cause anxiety but...would your aunt be willing to help you overhaul your resume?

 

There is also the very real (and somewhat depressing) possibility that a "dream job" does not exist. Or at least not at the moment. The best bet in this case is to find a job that you can tolerate, and that pays well enough to provide a comfortable and adventurous life outside of work hours. It's a start, at least?

 

Have you thought of what it is you hate about office jobs? Is it the setting, the people, or the sitting-down-from-9-to-5 aspect that grates on your nerves?

[Raincloak]

The aunt wants to help me overhaul my resume (bless her little executive heart).  She also wants to help me "practice interview skills."  I'm not looking forward to this trial, but if I can get through it without losing my sanity, it might actually do me some good.  She does know a thing or two about what executives like, albeit mostly large East Coast financial firms (NOT where I'm going to work, but when job hunting, better to err on the side of being too conservative I guess).

 

I don't like office jobs because of sitting at a desk all day, wearing clothes I hate, and spending my time with paper instead of people.  The only people-oriented office jobs I can find are sales, which I hate passionately, and reception/customer service, which I moderately like, but the pay is lousy.  I wouldn't mind a desk job if it paid well, enabled me to talk to people sometimes, and got me out of the desk once in a while.  Bonus if I was allowed to wear jeans and/or flats, but that might be a lot to ask...

[starsapart]

 

There is also the very real (and somewhat depressing) possibility that a "dream job" does not exist. Or at least not at the moment. The best bet in this case is to find a job that you can tolerate, and that pays well enough to provide a comfortable and adventurous life outside of work hours. It's a start, at least?

 

 

This this thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.  So often we're told to "follow our dreams," but dreams mean diddly squat when you can't buy groceries.  There is a point where you have to choose to be practical.

 

Not all office jobs are the same, you know...... papers and process won't go away, but if you want to work with people there are lots of departments that do.  Plenty of things in the operations side of the house.... HR even.  As for "clothing you hate," not every company's dress code is alike.

[Raincloak]

grmf.  Working on resume.  Whine piss moan.  Only way to do this shit without losing my mind is to drink a lot of tea, eat a lot of snacks and listen to music during it.  Wish they'd let me do that at the office, but I've never had a job where snacks and music at the desk was an option.  (I miss college...)  Maybe one of these years I'll get one of those.  I wish my imaginary job was like Google, with free snacks and cool lounges and stuff.  Dream on, Raincloak!

 

The kindly mentor sent me a couple resumes as "samples" and they're such overachievers it makes me want to weep.  They say competition is a surefire way to make yourself miserable, but when you're trying to get a job, it's always a competition!  Ugh.  I can easily triumph by applying for shit jobs with shit competition (which has worked in the past), but the obvious problem is, those are jobs no one with any real skills would want.

 

anyways.  Progress.  Resume first, suffer later.

[Raincloak]

So this evening we had the first round of resume review. I don't remember having very many makeovers in my life, but I definitely didn't like the ones I've had. (Remind me why I signed up for this? Oh yeah, because I need a job with decent pay.)

Resume needs work. It's improving. But there were more suggestions.

Cut my hair, she says. Okay, so maybe it's a little long for the office (I'm female), but my hair gets compliments ...

And get new glasses. What? What's wrong with my glasses? They're tasteful silver frames with a few microscopic rhinestones. I am flat out not wearing those dorky thick frames and rectangular lenses that are in style right now. I don't object to looking nice, but that style really does not flatter your humble Raincloak at all. (Also, good god, I'm agreeing to put up with all this tweed and navy and beige, I can't have a tiny bit of sparkle?)

And quit being sarcastic, she says. Quit making a joke out of everything. Sheesh, there is an intelligent young(ish) woman inhabiting these rotten blistering office shoes. My individuality is not being respected, and that will only get worse when I actually find a job. So it's either resent and drag my feet the whole time, or crack jokes. Or possibly murder someone, but that's ... oh wait, that was a joke. Dammit.

patience, Raincloak. Be a good girl. Try not to think too hard about pantyhose and Dilbert cartoons.

I swear if this shit doesn't lead somewhere I like pretty soon, I'm gonna dye my hair blue.

[fitnessgurl]

I can relate. Job hunting is horrible. I'm a bit desperate myself. Actually thought about working fast food desperate.

[TheGreyJedi-Ranger]

grmf.  Working on resume.  Whine piss moan.  Only way to do this shit without losing my mind is to drink a lot of tea, eat a lot of snacks and listen to music during it.  Wish they'd let me do that at the office, but I've never had a job where snacks and music at the desk was an option.  (I miss college...)  Maybe one of these years I'll get one of those.  I wish my imaginary job was like Google, with free snacks and cool lounges and stuff.  Dream on, Raincloak!

 

The kindly mentor sent me a couple resumes as "samples" and they're such overachievers it makes me want to weep.  They say competition is a surefire way to make yourself miserable, but when you're trying to get a job, it's always a competition!  Ugh.  I can easily triumph by applying for shit jobs with shit competition (which has worked in the past), but the obvious problem is, those are jobs no one with any real skills would want.

 

anyways.  Progress.  Resume first, suffer later.

One good option for you might be HR style work at a technology firm. Everyone needs HR, and technology firms have a tendency to be a little more relaxed in regards to a lot of things.

 

I wear jeans to work, listen to music the whole time, and always have a cup of tea. Free office food too. If you're not opposed to the mountains of VA, try HR Intern, they pay pretty well, even interns. They also have a tendency to full time hire former interns. I intern there currently, and have for almost a year and a half. If VA isn't your thing, try to find similar tech companies nearby. Ideas include Web Development firms and App creating companies. Check out the websites and see how their office makes you feel. 

 

Hope that helps you

[NightWatcher13]

B.S. in Animal Science and Biology here, and currently a janitor in a school system. Some days it really is the thought of needing to pay rent that keeps me going to work :/ Best of luck finding a good job that fits you!

[Jord]

I don't like office jobs because of sitting at a desk all day, wearing clothes I hate, and spending my time with paper instead of people.  The only people-oriented office jobs I can find are sales, which I hate passionately, and reception/customer service, which I moderately like, but the pay is lousy.  I wouldn't mind a desk job if it paid well, enabled me to talk to people sometimes, and got me out of the desk once in a while.  Bonus if I was allowed to wear jeans and/or flats, but that might be a lot to ask...

 

Have you considered looking for office work at a local university? They general pay much better than other establishments. And since you would work around students there is generally more leeway in regards to individuality and clothing. And naturally, lots of people around and generally activities to get involved in outside the office. 

[Raincloak]

One good option for you might be HR style work at a technology firm. Everyone needs HR, and technology firms have a tendency to be a little more relaxed in regards to a lot of things.

 

I wear jeans to work, listen to music the whole time, and always have a cup of tea. Free office food too. If you're not opposed to the mountains of VA, try HR Intern, they pay pretty well, even interns. They also have a tendency to full time hire former interns. I intern there currently, and have for almost a year and a half. If VA isn't your thing, try to find similar tech companies nearby. Ideas include Web Development firms and App creating companies. Check out the websites and see how their office makes you feel. 

 

Hope that helps you

 

lol, Human Resources.  I always thought of them as more of a sitcom punchline than a job, but I guess every large company needs one.  I should look into that, thanks for the tip

 

That HR Intern place does sound very nice!  I would be willing to move, but only if they offer me a lot of money.  I guess I can contact them and see if they would, in fact, offer me a lot of money.  I have tried to find work at local tech companies that have fun workspaces, of which there are many, but almost always I find they've filled all the admin positions, and they're only hiring for technical jobs I don't qualify for.

 

 

Have you considered looking for office work at a local university? They general pay much better than other establishments. And since you would work around students there is generally more leeway in regards to individuality and clothing. And naturally, lots of people around and generally activities to get involved in outside the office. 

 

Point.  I'll check with my own alma mater again (they do have a career center and they owe me support for finding a job, even if it's not with them).  Their wages aren't actually that great, and the bureaucracy is said to be awful, but I do like hanging around the campus and learning things.

[Maia]

Have you thought about applying to work at a bank or credit union as a teller? It's customer-oriented, and at least in my experience the pay is decent. It also gets you in the door so you can work towards applying internally for higher positions you might become interested in.

[Raincloak]

Have you thought about applying to work at a bank or credit union as a teller? It's customer-oriented, and at least in my experience the pay is decent. It also gets you in the door so you can work towards applying internally for higher positions you might become interested in.

 

I will check with the banks in the area.  Unfortunately most of them are automating as many services as possible and getting rid of tellers, not hiring them.  But since the economy around here has recently kicked up, perhaps they're looking to increase employment again.  Thanks for the suggestion.

[Raincloak]

update: back in town after a two-week absence, got haircut, hot on the job trail.  Got several applications in, one interview coming up Tuesday.  Yay.

 

Reports claim the local job market is on fire and unemployment is way down.  Based on all the "help wanted" ads, that appears true.  Problem is, the job postings I see are mostly for low-level jobs with low wages that won't really keep me alive.  Sorry Craigslist, but those $12/hr jobs are not gonna cut it in a city with $1500/month studios.  I could and did live on worse wages a decade ago, but that was then and now is now, and I've got family/retirement to think about.

 

reluctantly I am applying for some jobs in the $14/hr range, but I'm not sure how long I can keep one of those.  I hope taking such a job and quitting in three months won't hurt my record, if that's what I have to do.  But I really need more skilled work.  I'm getting on board with some temp agencies to see if I can score some more skilled white-collar stuff.  Obviously Craigslist is not a winner, but I've been told to get on LinkedIn and so on.  Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.

 

Also deeply tempted to fight for a cooking job, even though the pay is poor, because I secretly want to learn about running restaurants.  I'm not saying I'd ever open one, but it's something I'm interested in.  That would mean committing to a year or two of worse pay that might lead nowhere, though.

 

There is definitely work available for paralegals, but will they want me?  I can't expect to score another $22/hr job, but would a $18/hr job would be so much to ask?  I'm only a 30-year-old college grad, for gosh sakes.  I deserve a little better than a high school dropout.  And yet my skills leave a lot to be desired, or I'd still have my last job.

 

sigh.  Patience, Raincloak.  All will be well, if you but show up, shut up and put up enough times.

[TheGreyJedi-Ranger]

update: back in town after a two-week absence, got haircut, hot on the job trail.  Got several applications in, one interview coming up Tuesday.  Yay.

 

Reports claim the local job market is on fire and unemployment is way down.  Based on all the "help wanted" ads, that appears true.  Problem is, the job postings I see are mostly for low-level jobs with low wages that won't really keep me alive.  Sorry Craigslist, but those $12/hr jobs are not gonna cut it in a city with $1500/month studios.  I could and did live on worse wages a decade ago, but that was then and now is now, and I've got family/retirement to think about.

 

reluctantly I am applying for some jobs in the $14/hr range, but I'm not sure how long I can keep one of those.  I hope taking such a job and quitting in three months won't hurt my record, if that's what I have to do.  But I really need more skilled work.  I'm getting on board with some temp agencies to see if I can score some more skilled white-collar stuff.  Obviously Craigslist is not a winner, but I've been told to get on LinkedIn and so on.  Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.

 

Also deeply tempted to fight for a cooking job, even though the pay is poor, because I secretly want to learn about running restaurants.  I'm not saying I'd ever open one, but it's something I'm interested in.  That would mean committing to a year or two of worse pay that might lead nowhere, though.

 

There is definitely work available for paralegals, but will they want me?  I can't expect to score another $22/hr job, but would a $18/hr job would be so much to ask?  I'm only a 30-year-old college grad, for gosh sakes.  I deserve a little better than a high school dropout.  And yet my skills leave a lot to be desired, or I'd still have my last job.

 

sigh.  Patience, Raincloak.  All will be well, if you but show up, shut up and put up enough times.

You can do it! Like you said, patience. It's hard, but eventually you will find the right thing!

[animuse]

I guess I can come at this from a complete outsider perspective, so it may come across as harsh (it's not intended to, just attempting to focus the mirror a bit). I also realize that this may be venting space, and that's totally OK too, in which case it's maybe a moot point. I also also realize that this is HARD, especially with anxiety on top of it. The frustration of it can build over time, and shame likes to rear it's ugly head, which never helps   For anyone with any anxiety issues job hunting is like 1000% the worst thing in the world, so I most definitely know where you're coming from.

 

But I want you to look at your posts in this thread. Compare them to the amazing advice you've given others throughout the forums. It's hard to do, but what would you say to this person if it wasn't you?

 

Here's what I see from my perspective:

You hate office jobs. You don't want to do this in the first place, so you have to get to the point where punishment outweighs the lack of reward. And if that's what the driving motivation needs to be, then use it for all it's worth. But there is nothing in this that you WANT to do, so why would you do it? And unless you accidentally wound up in the magically perfect job, how could you be happy with it?

 

From my perspective:

 

Maybe it's Fool time. Or maybe more accurately, reversed hanged man.  Clearing your head and thinking about this from a different perspective may help you get the job you both need and want.

 

I struggled with my office job the first few years, things like finding work clothes that I could relate to my geek element (or my friend's version, calling it her "work drag") or considering makeup as office war paint helped. Office jobs don't have to suck, or on the flip side maybe you shouldn't be looking for an office job. If you're interested in restaurant ownership (not so much cooking) DON'T look for a cooking job - you'll be there so can glean some knowledge, but most of it won't be the knowledge you need. Look for other small businesses that might need office/managerial help, it's down to how to run a business rather than how to run a restaurant, so lots of those elements intertwine. I also recommend HR - don't knock it, you get to work with a lot of people, snacks and music are totally go, but you have to watch out for companies that consider HR "the firing department" verses "the growth department" - I'm luckily in the latter, so they do things like talent acquisition, business partners, or learning and development. And all of that is important in business ownership, because your people will be the most important thing.

 

Also, ride your career services department at your college. Become their best friend and they'll fight to get you a job. It's their full time job to help you get a good job, and the only way they can do that is if they know who you are.

 

Rather than focusing on the "this sucks" aspect, two recommendations:

1. Find your strengths. Find the things you would actually rather do, rather than focusing on what you don't. Bring those to the table at interviews. 95% of the interview is figuring out if your personality is a good fit for the company, and being excited about working there and the new opportunity and what you can help them with is what will get them excited about you. If you're not excited about it, it shows. The resume is a requirements toll gate, they only look at it for about 2 seconds, and they're looking for what you can bring to the company rather than what you've done in the past, so put that in your resume. I come from an art background, so we have to learn early on the difference between critique and criticism. It sounds like you've mostly gotten the latter. A lot of resume building is building yourself up which is hard to do, so figuring out your strengths will help with that.

2. In interviews, pretend like you don't need the job. I know this sounds counterproductive, but it changes the aspect of the interview from "I NEED THIS" to "Let's see if we work together." If you're going into an interview at $14/hr and that's not financially viable, use it as practice for better. And if they do come back with an offer, let them know your situation and what you need, and see if they can work with it. There are lots of studies about how women negotiate at a fraction of what men do, which is part of the wage gap issue. So they may have some wiggle room you aren't aware of. And if they can't, you've got the information of whether it's a job you think you can handle at that wage or not.

 

A lot of it comes down to adjusting the perspective.

 

Bleeeeegh, sorry for the info dump ;; And I'm hoping I'm not coming across like your aunt was ;_;

[Raincloak]

heh, thanks for the insight Animuse.  I tried the Fool thing last year, wandering the world looking for enlightenment.  I had a good time and came back a little wiser, but not any more enlightened, and significantly poorer (in material goods).  I also gained a social life for the first time ever, which is worth every dollar I lost through unemployment, and I remain grateful for that.  But friends can't pay my rent.  (To their credit, they are trying to help me find leads, but so far nothing's panned out.)

 

I do need to practice the cool interview attitude.  It's haaaaaard (whine) but I appreciate the reminder.  In fact I am actually a very cool person, but I don't always come across that way, especially when I'm wearing uncomfortable clothing that doesn't fit and petitioning for a job I don't really want.  But I can, yes, pretend I really want it and that my horrible suit fits fine.  My aunt gave me a hard time about my speech cadence (I need to talk slower, apparently) and about looking people in the eye when I talk (which is challenging for me, I have a streak of something asperger-like that makes it hard to concentrate on a face and speak at the same time).

 

I better work on that tomorrow, since I've got an interview Tuesday.  And I gotta bring references.  So tomorrow I will have to call up a few former bosses and ask if it's okay to use them as refs.  I can think of at least two who would cheerfully agree to this, but one of them hasn't employed me in years.  I suppose I should contact a couple more recent jobs, even though I hate to talk to them about it because I don't know what they'll say.  But what the hell, this whole job thing is an exercise in terrified uncertainty.  Might as well terrorize a little more.

[animuse]

Oooh, I'm the SAME way with eye contact and speaking too fast. I tend to adjust the eye contact by looking at them when they're talking to me so they know I'm listening (or looking between their eyes or at their nose). Once you're a little more relaxed that helps with the speed, trying to work on both simultaneously reminds me of patting head/rubbing belly º_º

 

Also, if you've helped someone out recently (volunteering, family friend, etc.), even if not as a job, you could use that as a reference too.

 

Anyway, blah blah blah advice, you're awesome, and I'm hoping it goes awesome, even if it's just practice. And even if it's not what you're looking for and you get it, you can always keep looking for the one you really want

 

Also, because reasons:

XD
 

[animuse]

Oh, one more thing - kittens and puppies and other cute thing increase your dopamine and therefore scientifically make you more productive, sooooooooooo:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Raincloak]

lol.  I can take or leave puppies but I'm a hopeless sucker for kittens.  Dawwwww kitties.

 

So: first interview was today (actually it's the first tiny PEEP of interest anyone's given me, no one else has even called back, so if they offer me the job I may not have much choice).  Good news: they were fairly impressed.  Bad news: it's a small company and they're not hard to impress.  Which is fine, I like small companies, but the pay's probably mediocre.  I was carefully warned not to ask about pay at the first interview, so I dunno what they're offering, but I'm betting it's not enough.  

 

In fact I walked in there expecting a completely different and much larger company.  Silly Raincloak got her job applications mixed up.  But I never let on, I just rolled with it ^^

 

oh well.  We'll see if they call me back for round two.  Time to go hand out some more resumes, and then I'm gonna go home and rip off this damn suit and hose.

[animuse]

Hose are THE WORST! Super glad they're starting to become optional in many places (obviously it gets a little ambiguous at interviews, blah). But I'm glad it went well, even if it turns out to be practice I don't know if you dig shopping at all, but in the meantime investigating some interview clothes you feel good in could help out too - if you feel good about the clothes you're wearing, that also helps you be more comfortable too. As desperately hard as that can be, curse you infinite body types and clothing styles >_< I'm about to look at some stuff from We Love Fine, they have new dressy shirts that are sneakily geeky, which always makes me feel better about it!

 

Also I just realized we're the exact same height/weight. Craziness O.o

[Raincloak]

Hose are very optional at work, especially in Seattle, thank god ... but in interviews or court appearances, I wouldn't risk skipping them. My livelihood may depend on impressing people who learned to get dressed in the 1950s.

Yeah this body size is pretty common, which you'd THINK would make it easy to buy clothes. The good news is, every store has my size. The bad news is, that's the first size to disappear from the sale rack. (Also if you have a large bust, suddenly those medium size shirts don't fit... so you can either look trashy, or baggy if you go up a size. Guh. I need to get a tailor. I just don't know how.)

Thanks for the link but I did not find it especially informative, I'm afraid. I already know why it's important to dress nice, I grew up with lawyers who understand the power of the Force psychological cues. The hard part is finding good clothes in a world of cheap shit, getting them to fit, paying for them, and maintaining them... and getting past my little emotional hangups about Working For The Man

And shoes. Friggin dress shoes. To this very day I have never found any decent, comfy dress shoes. I fail to comprehend those chicks who have a closet full of shoes. They hurt me! Why must I wear things that hurt? (And why must I pay $100 for them?...)

[Raincloak]

Welp, one week after the interview, not a peep from the company. They haven't called my references either. Phoo. Back to the resume trolling...

[Miw_Sher]

Cut my hair, she says. Okay, so maybe it's a little long for the office (I'm female), but my hair gets compliments ...

 

 

 

I don't know if this comes too late, but as someone with long, wild hair who has been at a few conferences and presided some (all volunteer work, but that does not cut us any slack from looking professional because;.. well, bloody sponsors are the one giving us money and we better look like we know what we are doing) why don't you look at different styling options? It can be great fun, looks fantastic once you get a hang of it, and allows you to keep your individuality.

 

Here are a few ideas:

 

Beehive: https://de.pinterest.com/explore/beehive-hairstyle/

Bun: https://de.pinterest.com/pin/364369426076599431/

A whole slew of tutorials: http://www.stylishwife.com/2015/05/quick-hairstyle-tutorials-for-office-women.html

 

 

My personal favourite is a simple french braid I roll up and tuck under. I've been told the difference looks quite impressive - I go from gypsy to don't-eff-with-me businesswoman in under an hour.

[Scooby Chick]

Hey there. I admire you for pushing through this and not caving in on yourself. Seriously- that's huge. 

 

Anyway, there probably is truth in the LinkedIn connections, consider checking it out and making an entry there (okay, I've never tried it, but the man says there's merit in it, and he has one, and he HATES social media). Long story short, you have nothing to lose by trying. 

 

Consider any and all  interviews as practice-- after each one you get better and level up a bit. 

 

Have you tried Indeed as a job generator? They have everything, and I mean all kinds of jobs I never would have thought of, on there in all kinds of places. 

 

You're doing so great with all of this-- revamped resume, etc-- think of it as cosplay in reverse: you're the superhero who needs to remain veiled in the workforce... cheesy, I know. It's what I do best... cheesy. 

 

Don't lose the faith