Crashing

[The Ox King]

I apologize if this is the wrong forum. I can't seem to find the right one.

I don't know what it is with me. 

I have these extreme ups and downs. A few small accomplishments and I'm on top of the world, a small failure and I hate the world.

I hate myself. I'm just crashing. I had a pretty good week, from Sunday to Thursday, then it just went to hell. I feel like jumping into the darkness and laziness again.

My big failure was that I decided to give up most meat, bread, and processed sugar items, but, as soon as my brother came 'round, I started eating crap again. Like, probably even more than before. It was fine on Saturday, because we went to a Celtic festival, and I allowed myself no restrictions. But the day before and the day after. Man, I just hate myself.

I just want to give up. The other thing is that I've been trying for so freaking long to lose weight, and I'm at my highest weight ever. I see people on the Facebook group all the time who are successful, but I never see the failures. Am I the only one struggling with losing any weight whatsoever? Like one guy lost twenty pounds in two months! I want to do that, but I can't. I'm busy as hell, and my plans keep getting interrupted. I'm trying to do everything, but I just can't do one thing fully. I just want to breakdown and cry, but real men don't do that. If I hadn't cried from laughing a few months ago, I would have thought I couldn't cry. I can't show emotion, and I can't ask for help without looking like a wimp. 

I know a big part of it is that there are still living, breathing remnants of my depression and I haven't seen a therapist in close to eighteen months. Because of my ups and downs, I'm wondering if maybe I'm actually bipolar, but it's muted because I can't show emotion well. Because I don't show emotion well, I don't get the physical reverberation to assist in identifying the emotions. If I can't identify it, how can I handle it? I don't know, but right now, I just want to give up. Why do I try so hard every morning, just to fail in the evening? What's the freaking point?

I signed up to Camp Nerd Fitness and Nerd Fitness Academy to get myself motivated to stick to good habits, but I've had it for a month now, and barely progressed. I don't know. I need a friend, who I'm not romantically attached to (which basically covers all my friends. OTL). I just want to be happy.

[Igaduma]

I read somewhere on this forum a message saying that we feel insecure because we compare our "behind the scenes" with other peoples "best moments"

other people fail

we're just trained to feel ashamed about failure, so people tend to keep quiet about their failures, leaving only their successes visible to the outside world. 

 

So you're the heaviest your have ever been...

That's a good thing in a way.  It's easier to lose a kg when you're 500kg than when you're 50kg. 

So you're in the best position to get a rhythm going.

 

And don't go for 10kg in 2 months is that's to much for you.

I'm a big fan of small victories.  It's better to be accomplish 2 tiny things than to not accomplish 1 really big one.

Right now, I have decided not to drink soda's anymore.  Will it greatly affect my body?  I doubt it.  I don't drink *that* many soda's to begin with.  But it will still be a victory.

I cut something bad out of my life.  I won't lose much weight (if any) because of it, but it's still a good thing.  And very gradually I will work up to bigger stuff.  I already dread the day I will have to give up pasta.  I live for pasta.  Pasta is amazing.  I eat pasta nearly every day.  I won't be able to let go of it easily.  So I'll do it in small steps.  Max 6 days of pasta a week.  And then max 5 days a week,...

 

Setting a huge goal... I'm not a fan of it.  Keep it in mind as a vague notion, so you know what your little goals should be.  With small goals, you'll have small victories but you'll have many of them.  And if you fail at one... Who cares?  It was only a small thing anyway.

 

Igaduma

[The Ox King]

On 5/2/2016 at 2:49 AM, Igaduma said:

I read somewhere on this forum a message saying that we feel insecure because we compare our "behind the scenes" with other peoples "best moments"

other people fail

we're just trained to feel ashamed about failure, so people tend to keep quiet about their failures, leaving only their successes visible to the outside world. 

 

So you're the heaviest your have ever been...

That's a good thing in a way.  It's easier to lose a kg when you're 500kg than when you're 50kg. 

So you're in the best position to get a rhythm going.

 

And don't go for 10kg in 2 months is that's to much for you.

I'm a big fan of small victories.  It's better to be accomplish 2 tiny things than to not accomplish 1 really big one.

Right now, I have decided not to drink soda's anymore.  Will it greatly affect my body?  I doubt it.  I don't drink *that* many soda's to begin with.  But it will still be a victory.

I cut something bad out of my life.  I won't lose much weight (if any) because of it, but it's still a good thing.  And very gradually I will work up to bigger stuff.  I already dread the day I will have to give up pasta.  I live for pasta.  Pasta is amazing.  I eat pasta nearly every day.  I won't be able to let go of it easily.  So I'll do it in small steps.  Max 6 days of pasta a week.  And then max 5 days a week,...

 

Setting a huge goal... I'm not a fan of it.  Keep it in mind as a vague notion, so you know what your little goals should be.  With small goals, you'll have small victories but you'll have many of them.  And if you fail at one... Who cares?  It was only a small thing anyway.

 

Igaduma

Thank you. To continue onto what you are saying, even with the small things, maybe I'm still choosing the wrong ones to start with. Sugar is important to me, so perhaps I should focus on drinking water more, instead. Something like that.

[fleaball]

I'm going to throw a bunch of questions at you. Not to be a jerk, I promise. First thing: you're totally not alone. Plenty of people here have depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues. On top of most of us being overweight and pissed off about it. It sucks, but we're here to support each other. 

 

On 5/2/2016 at 9:36 PM, neomattlac said:

My big failure was that I decided to give up most meat, bread, and processed sugar items

Did you do all of this at once? Because that's a massive change. Did you prepare for it? Like tossing all the meat/bread/sugar from your kitchen, stocking up on foods you can eat, figuring out what to cook so that when you got hungry you knew what to go for? What were your reasons for it? "I feel like crap when I eat sugar so I'm just not going to eat it anymore because I don't want to feel like crap" is a lot different from "someone told me sugar is bad for you." (Not criticizing your reasoning, whatever it was. But the way you frame it makes a lot of difference, as does your motivation. For example, I could try to go Paleo because everyone on this site says it made them feel so much better, but a lot of meat grosses me out and regardless of the benefits I would be miserable forcing myself to eat so much of it.) 

 

Is going back to see a therapist an option right now? If it is, make an appointment. If it's not, is there someway you can make it an option down the road? Like finding a practice that charges on an income-based scale, if money's what's holding you back? Posting here is great, and high five for reaching out in the first place. But we aren't professionals and don't have the training and insight they do. Also sometimes these boards move slowly and you can probably get a response faster from someone IRL.

 

On 5/2/2016 at 9:36 PM, neomattlac said:

I'm busy as hell, and my plans keep getting interrupted. I'm trying to do everything, but I just can't do one thing fully.

Stop trying to do everything. Pick one thing and focus on that. If you're too busy to cook every meal from scratch and work out for two hours a day, making those things your goals anyway isn't going to help. What can you do? Like Igaduma said, start small. Swapping out ONE soda a day for water for two weeks might be doable. Swap an apple for a candy bar. Make breakfast at home one day a week instead of picking it up on the way to work. Going slow sucks but being successful at one thing feels a lot better than having trouble balancing seven things. 

 

Keep in mind that everyone is different. Someone might be doing the exact same workouts you are and eating the exact same diet, but you're still not gonna get the same results. A guy who's 400 pounds can lose 20 in two months making relatively small changes because he's got so much to lose. A guy who's 190 isn't going to lose that much doing the same things because his body's going to try harder to hold on to what's there. And you don't know how many times that guy on Facebook had tried to lose weight and it didn't stick. Go read some of the success stories on the NF blog. Those people say they'd tried and failed a bunch of times. The same in the challenge threads here. You can't compare yourself to other people, no matter how easy it is to do.

 

On 5/2/2016 at 9:36 PM, neomattlac said:

I just want to breakdown and cry, but real men don't do that. If I hadn't cried from laughing a few months ago, I would have thought I couldn't cry. I can't show emotion, and I can't ask for help without looking like a wimp. 

This is shit and I'm sorry our society has conditioned you to think that way. Not just you, of course, a lot of people believe this. And it's shit. You're not a robot. You are absolutely entitled to cry when you need to cry, or express whatever emotion you need to, and anyone who tells you otherwise can go play in traffic. I'm not a medical professional so I can't tell you why you have trouble showing emotion. It could be a mental health thing, like you said. Could it also be that you've been repression emotions for so long that you're out of touch with them?The next time you want to cry, let yourself. What's the worst that could happen? You'll have a headache and want a glass of juice or something, but the world will keep turning. You might even feel better letting out all that pent up emotion, whether it's anger or frustration or sadness or something else. (I'm absolutely not trying to sound judgmental here but I think I'm failing at it. I'm not judging you at all. I just get angry that this kind of thing is so common even though it hurts people.)

 

 

 

So right now you're unhappy with your situation, to put it extremely mildly. You know you want things to change. You probably have ideas about what you want to change. But you need a way to get there. If you're hitting a drive thru on the way home every night, suddenly cutting out all meat and bread and processed crap is probably not a reasonable step to take. What if you take two weeks (or more, whatever feels comfortable) to just gauge where you are right now. Without judging yourself. For the whole two weeks, track what time you go to bed and what time you wake up; what you have for each meal and snack (you don't have to count every calorie, necessarily, but just get a picture of what you're eating. Do you reach for chips without even thinking about it when you're watching TV? Do you order a lot more food than you really need to and make yourself feel sick trying to finish it all?) etc. That will give you a clearer picture of what you need to change, so you can figure out how. If you're drinking 8 cans of soda a day, you can say you'll only drink 7 instead of "drink less soda." 

 

I joined NF in January 2014 and after yo-yoing for a while I'm currently about 30 pounds heavier than when I joined. Depression, a freak illness, and an injury all worked against me, and now I'm working my way back to where I was. You just have to do the best you can with what you've got. 

 

Stick around and don't give up. Learn from your failures. Now you know X didn't work, so you can cross it off the list and trying Y instead. You can do this.

[namelesswonder]

You should read people's battle logs! We all screw up all the time!

 

Have you been diagnosed with depression? First, that might be a good thing to talk to a healthcare professional about.

 

Fleaball's advice is awesome. Give yourself small sustainable/achievable goals and let yourself be proud for everything little thing that you accomplish! There is plenty that you do every day that you don't screw up, I'm sure. It may seem routine or basic, but when you're not feeling well (depressed), these are huge! And here you are asking for help which is amazing!

 

It sounds like you are lacking some stability. You don't feel like you have it within yourself and you don't feel like you have it in your life. For me, that has always been a sign that my depression management is off. Once you get some help getting stable, the rest will get a lot easier to manage.

[The Ox King]

Fleaball - I read your post on Sunday, and have been thinking about it ever since. It was actually hard to read through, because it was pointing out issues I have... more issues with.

Food - I cook at home at least 99% of the time. Maybe one meal a week is out, and that is usually dinner on Saturday at a sit-down place, like Cracker Barrel. My main issue is that I'm an ex-chef and know how to make ganache, cheesecake, brownies, etc. 

And no, I did not prepare properly. I still live with my parents (until I finish my degree, pay off my loans, and get a sizable down payment built up), and can't just throw out all the food. They are part of the stress that is building. They fight constantly. And yes, I did attempt it all at once, which end up with failure on all fronts, and an actually increase in the consumption of sweets. I find it ironic that you point out those things. The only area that I found easy to give up was bread, which I gave up because it makes me feel bloated. When I gave up sugar, it was because  "someone told me sugar is bad for you." And chicken that has been boiled has started to disgust me. The chicken gets into my teeth and makes this smack-feeling. Ugh.

Emotion - Yes. You hit the nail on the head. I separated myself from my emotions ever since shortly before my grandmother died when I was six or seven. Imagine the compounded damage of years of things not treated right. When I was twelve or thirteen, I developed an anger problem. I still have a temper, but when I was fourteen, someone very dear to me asked me stop cursing and I just turned it all inward. I still don't curse in speech, but am known to say a word or two in text.

Yes, I can afford to get a therapist. It's just hard to find time. I've called places, played phone tag for a bit, etc. Part of the concern here is that talking on the phone is a very anxiety-prone activity for me. I'm about 90% sure that I have some emotional disorder, outside of the diagnosed depression and social anxiety (actually documented as social phobia, so that insurance covers it). I'm fairly sure I have negative psychosomatic empathic adaptiveness, meaning that my emotions close off in response to hearing about others' issues to avoid myself from becoming empathic, which I actually am. 

And I can't cry. I've tried pretty hard. I feel that... well, I feel like when I try to cry, crying will break me. I don't mean, like how you break a horse, but rather break as in you break a vase. My mind will get screwed up somehow. I think it's part of why I started drinking a while ago. I was hoping to find someway to let go.

The other concern here is that I don't live alone, and finding alone time is difficult. In addition, now that I'm thinking about, no one in our family cries, not even the women.To jump back a line, I am surprised at my own words, "I was hoping to find someway to let go." Let go of what? Probably people. My biggest insecurities and self-identified weaknesses are also some of the greatest attributes I have. My greatest fear is that I will hurt someone. This comes from and extends to my issue of touch. I have a hard time connecting to people, because I'm afraid to hurt them, and I'm afraid to get hurt myself. This is likely because I wasn't ready to lose my grandparents when I did, especially right after I lost my dog. It was just too much for little old me. I remember thinking "I should just not connect to people any more, because if I don't connect then I can't lose them." This was right before going to a new school. It messed me up good. Tonight, I learned I'm still holding onto my grandparents. Which is probably why I've been so apprehensive about revisiting their grave. I loved them, and cared for them, and they disappeared. Sorry, I didn't mean to get into all this stuff. 

Back to food, I will continue to eat until my plate is cleared. I had a bad incident of this at lunch today. I probably had a pound and a half of food: 1.5 cup of mashed potatoes with gravy, 1 chix breast, and about 1 cup baked beans with a large apple. This is an unusually large lunch. I had made the conscious decision to eat about half, and leave the rest for tomorrow. It just didn't happen. I just kept eating. Partially because I was hungrier than I thought, but also partially because I had to clear my plate. And I don't really drink soda, with today being a fluke, because I was really thirsty and my dad only had diet pepsi on hand (we were out and about).

 

Namelesswonder - I have done that (made small goals, etc.) over and over again, but I seem abnormally susceptible to downward spirals. It only takes one missed day of one habit to throw everything off track. Because it does this, I have a rough time controlling it. 

Yes, I have depression and social anxiety, paired with a large ego. Makes for a contradictory and painful combo. I've had trouble finding a good therapist. The only one that worked was the one through school, but I cannot go to her because she works through the school only (I graduated in 2014). And the depression management is right on par. I have a bad time trying to blame my depression for my failures because it is my depression and my failures. I don't think I have a depression management plan, let alone depression management. Thank you for your response.

[fleaball]

I feel you. I moved back in with my parents for 5 years between undergrad and grad school and it made eating well such a complete disaster. And being alone. And like, anything else I wanted to do. Every time I went out for a run I'd come back to 20 questions about where I went, why all of a sudden I was doing it, blah blah to the point that I just stopped going because I didn't want to face the inquisition every time. 

 

15 minutes ago, neomattlac said:

I find it ironic that you point out those things.

What, because I asked about it and that's exactly what happened? Been there, done that myself. So have a lot of people here. Read enough threads (or blogs, or books) and there's totally a pattern. So it sucks, but maybe what you need to do is put some of your goals on the shelf for now because living with your parents is going to limit you whether you like it or not. What kind of goals can you create within those limitations? Since you're an ex-chef, are there any foods/types of cuisine/something you haven't tried or are dying to try, or some other kind of thing that could get you excited/motivated about cooking healthy? I've been reading a lot of vegan cookbooks, and as someone who routinely screws up spaghetti, all the fancy produce and spices and ways of cooking it seem monumentally difficult to me. I'm not pushing vegan on you, for the record. just an example. But is there something out there that's different from what you usually cook that will make you want to try it? 

 

38 minutes ago, neomattlac said:

I had made the conscious decision to eat about half, and leave the rest for tomorrow. It just didn't happen. I just kept eating.

BTDT as well. Next time what about dividing it in half and sticking it in the fridge immediately? If nothing else it adds the extra steps of getting back up, reheating it, etc., and maybe you just won't want to deal with it. 

 

Can you send an email to the therapist you saw at school and ask for recommendations of other people to see? Tell her you really connected with her and ask if she knows of other people/practices similar to hers because you've had trouble finding the right person on your own? And then email those people, or seek out new ones. When I was looking for a new therapist after I moved, most practices I looked at had an email address or a "contact us" form on their website. I'm sure if you specified that you'd prefer to keep all contact via email because phone conversations are a major source of anxiety, they'd be willing to accomodate you. And if not, they're shit at what they do and you don't want to see them anyway because they of all people should understand. It might take a bit longer, but it will work. 

 

I don't know how much of what you're saying is conclusions you've come to yourself and how much came out of sessions with your old therapist, but regardless it seems like you've got a solid understanding of your own issues. The next step is to find someone to work with you on them. If you're in or near a large city especially

you can probably find someone with evening or weekend hours. You might have to dig a bit. 

 

31 minutes ago, neomattlac said:

Sorry, I didn't mean to get into all this stuff. 

You're fine. Sometimes thinking through it/writing it out can help. Related, have you tried keeping a journal? I know it's not for everyone and some people say it brings them down more because they wind up dwelling on the thing that's upsetting them in the first place, so grain of salt on that one. 

 

What's your exercise routine like, if you have one? If you don't, can you start something?  You may have to try a bunch of different things before something sticks and that's totally okay. But getting out your anger/frustration/whatever else via pounding the pavement or lifting or swimming or boxing or whatever might help. Endorphins will do their thing. If you're already working out, try switching it up to see if maybe something else works better? (This could be terrible advice, I don't know, but would a gym with a punching bag give you an acceptable outlet for anger issues? Boxing classes? I'm thinking it's a controlled environment but I suppose it could backfire, especially since I don't know you.) 

 

50 minutes ago, neomattlac said:

I have a bad time trying to blame my depression for my failures because it is my depression and my failures.

This is the worrrrst. it's so hard to talk yourself out of this mindset. And then even the too-small-too-fail goals become a problem. Cliche time: you wouldn't go running every day if you broke your foot, right? And no one would blame you for not running because hey, your foot's broken. Depression sucks balls. There might be days where you can do everything you want to do, but there are gonna be days where you don't think you can get anything done. Maybe that's when you finally get the cast off your hypothetical broken foot so yay, you can walk on it again! But it's still a bitch because you're still injured. On those days you do what you can and everything else just has to wait. 

 

How about this? Stick with not eating bread for now. Because it makes you feel like crap. Not to lose weight, not to cut carbs, none of that. You don't like feeling bloated and that's it. That's your only food change. Maybe find some substitutes, like eating a burger wrapped in lettuce instead or something. But that's it. And if someone asks about it you just say bread makes you feel like crap so you're not eating it. If they continue to harp on it, get really graphic about how lately eating bread has given you noxious gas and terrible diarrhea or whatever to make them regret bringing it up. And if you slip and do eat bread? Oh well. Your body will remind you why you stopped in the first place. Or you might decide that the pain is worth it and that's okay too. 

 

And maybe this week you can email your old therapist for some recommendations on new ones. And send an email to one person about an initial consult, whether it's someone she tells you about or someone you find on your own. Just two emails to get the ball rolling. if you want to do more, go for it. Hell, type out a thing in Word about what your issues are, what you're looking to get out of therapy, and what your availability is. And just cut & paste that into every email you send. The point is to find the tricks that are gonna make you succeed. 

 

If I sound patronizing or judgey or anything, let me know. Especially in long posts like this I don't realize how I'm coming off, because of course it sounds different in my head where I'm going for nice and friendly.

[namelesswonder]

There are some online therapy options, unfortunately I don't know them off the top of my head. I totally get the phone anxiety thing. Steve has written here on the NF blog about 20 seconds of courage (or maybe that's just in this book?) and that's all it takes to get that conversation going if you can.

 

My blunt response is you really sound like you need treatment & therapy. You deserve proper care and sometimes it takes another person to help you get it. You can even start with your primary care doctor or ANY doctor that you like/trust, if there is one.

 

You are responsible for what "your" depression makes you do only to an extent. Like if somehow my dad's genetic predisposition for heart disease (which he has) is his fault.

 

If you're stuck in survival mode, there is honestly only so much you can do without a life preserver.

[The Ox King]

To be clear, the anxiety of being on the phone is a deterrent, but doesn't completely stop me from making/receiving calls. When I go into my business frame of mind, I can make calls fine. It's the same issue with face-to-face conversation: I feel a need to plan for conversations, so that I can prepare my response. Phone calls are a bit harder to control, so my anxiety for them is more difficult to handle.

[The Ox King]

15 hours ago, namelesswonder said:

There are some online therapy options, unfortunately I don't know them off the top of my head. I totally get the phone anxiety thing. Steve has written here on the NF blog about 20 seconds of courage (or maybe that's just in this book?) and that's all it takes to get that conversation going if you can.

 

My blunt response is you really sound like you need treatment & therapy. You deserve proper care and sometimes it takes another person to help you get it. You can even start with your primary care doctor or ANY doctor that you like/trust, if there is one.

 

You are responsible for what "your" depression makes you do only to an extent. Like if somehow my dad's genetic predisposition for heart disease (which he has) is his fault.

 

If you're stuck in survival mode, there is honestly only so much you can do without a life preserver.

Thank you, you are correct. The night I wrote the original post, my depression was aggravated by a lack of motion and a large sleep debt. Just from that, you can tell I'm not good at taking care of myself.

[Igaduma]

57 minutes ago, neomattlac said:

you can tell I'm not good at taking care of myself.

 

no we can't tell you're not good at taking care of yourself from that.

We can maybe deduce that at that particulare time you didn't take good care of yourself, which is something else entirely.

 

Try to avoid "I am" messages.  Replace them by "I do(n't)" messages.

I am messages indicate a wrong state of mind.  A fixed state of mind.  Making it impossible to change anything.

I do messages indicate a flexible state of mind.  I do "this" but I might just as easily do "that".

 

Now, you can "fake it 'till you make it".  Your state of mind will usually determine the kind of messages you use.  Now it also works the other way around.  If you use "I do" in stead of "I am", you will change your state of mind from fixed to flexible.  

 

There have been a number of studies on this (though I'm sorry to say I don't have a link at hand), indicating the consequenses of using I am vs I do (or you are vs you do) are surprisingly far reaching.

[Mitchilich]

Do not go on a diet.  9/10th's of the problem with the mentality of dieting is that it evokes an image of restriction.  All these diets, Carb backloading (which I recently attempted and failed), Atkins, Whole30, Paleo, Veganism, low-fat, and on and on and on, all focus on some level of restriction, and thus are very difficult to sustain long term for most people.  Plus it's ignorant nomenclature.  Diet? WTF?  Everyone is on a diet.  It just so happens mine consists of Starbucks coffee and Pop-Tarts augmented with protein shakes...  Why is that?  Because I constantly buy the 'try this diet' advertising rather than just adapting to a healthy relationship with food.  Simply not gorging oneself at every meal and doing what your grandma told you to do (eat your vegetables) is ageless and priceless advice.  Apart from that, I divorce myself from dietary BS completely, and it is working fine for me.  You don't need to carry the stress of worrying about food when you stop seeing your eating through the lens of deprivation.

 

As far as the mood / depression stuff, I found something awesome.  This may sound totally off the wall, but acupuncture.  No lie.  I went to an acupuncturist for a neck and shoulder issue after trying damn near everything else short of casting a spell and shaking some chicken bones in a coffee can.  Quite unexpectedly, after the treatment I felt mentally fantastic.  Totally de-stressed, and in sync with the world.  And it has lasted for over a month now.  It feels like a damaged circuit got reconnected.

 

Finally, I'll keep saying this;  Implement a basic, compound movement strength training routine.  This requires no more than 45 minutes to 1 hour three times a week, and is foundational to every other physical pursuit. 

 

I'm a conspiracy theorist, but for good reason.  There seems to be a purposeful over-complication attached to the fitness and diet industry.  Oddly enough, the more complicated something becomes, the more likely dollars are to disappear from your wallet. 

 

JMO, and whatnot.

[Morgana]

I'm not good for fitness/health advice because I'm in the same boat. I've been struggling with weight and weight loss all my life, and I haven't seen much success, but that's why we're all here, eh?

 

I do, however, have a lot of experience dealing with poor mental health, and it seems like you're experiencing a little of that. This year (2016) has been one of the worst of my life so far. I've dealt with depression and eating disorders in the past, but none have been as intense as crippling as the anxiety disorder I developed this year. I know anxiety is probably not exactly what you deal with, but I have learned that most mental health issues can be approached in almost the same way, so here's the best advice I can give you:

 

1. Go back to therapy. It doesn't have to be intensive if that's not what you feel you need. In fact, since you said you need someone to talk to, I would recommend group therapy. I did group for three months at the beginning of the year and it was one of the best things I've ever done for my mental health. This is something you actually have to get up and do, though. It took me a while to get to my mental health provider and ask for help, but help won't come to you. It's hard, but you have to help yourself here.

2. Treat yourself like your own baby (lol). Wait, before you scoff, hear me out. This is actually a tactic I used to get me through my eating disorders in the past. You are an adult, therefore I assume nobody is around to care for you except yourself. But how can you properly care for yourself if you don't care about yourself? So this is the approach I use (it's okay if you think it's stupid): would I want my own child to eat an entire box of Little Debbies in one sitting? Nah. So why do I allow myself to do that? Would I want my (LEGAL ADULT) child to put down 1300 calories of beer every time he/she went out? Nope. But I think it's fine for me to do it - why? Similarly, would I ever not allow my kid to eat a slice of pizza, or force him/her to starve all day? God, no. That would be abusive - yet I do it to myself. Would I ever call my child stupid, ugly, fat, useless? Never in a million years! But I call myself those things - that's awful. So now, I treat myself like I'd treat my own baby. It's okay to protect yourself. It's okay to coddle yourself. It's okay to baby yourself. When you treat yourself like the most important person in your life, you might realize that you would never abuse anybody the way you abuse yourself, and your whole perception of health could change.

3. Accept the way you feel (this is the big one). This is the advice I will give for any and every mental health issue because it's what I've been consistently told my whole life. You feel a certain way, and you think you shouldn't feel that way, and you think it's damaging your life. All of those things may be true, but you don't need to feel bad about the way you feel. Every negative thought and every negative feeling, they are all real, valid, and yours. Let them happen. Let negativity exist in your head - because the more you try to force yourself not to think those things or feel that way, ironically, the worse you will feel. When you wake up feeling like shit, tell yourself "I feel like shit" and be okay with knowing that it's totally okay to feel totally terrible as long as you don't let it dictate your physical actions, and go pour yourself a nice cup o' Joe. Do not criminalize yourself for dealing with this. You're not crazy or flawed. It's something you deal with, and it sucks, but it's reality. Basically, when you treat your depression as a neutral rather than a negative force, it becomes way easier to defeat. Don't give up.

 

And I'm totally here for you if you need a buddy. Mental health is a subject way too familiar for me, so I'll always be supportive of anyone dealing with problems. Honestly, I think the forum needs a mental health sub forum because it's sooo important to be mentally healthy. I think I'll suggest that.

 

 

[namelesswonder]

+1 to mental health subforum. It can be such a hard thing to talk about, but it's so important to talk about!

 

Along with Mitchilich's suggestion of acupuncture (totally relaxing, I agree, and some insurance will cover it), even massage can be really good for your mental state. Sometimes when you get a distinct feeling of "wow my body feels really good right now" it helps you link that to "I am worth feeling good".

[JustCallMeAmber]

On 5/15/2016 at 10:20 AM, Morgana said:

2. Treat yourself like your own baby (lol). Wait, before you scoff, hear me out. This is actually a tactic I used to get me through my eating disorders in the past. You are an adult, therefore I assume nobody is around to care for you except yourself. But how can you properly care for yourself if you don't care about yourself? So this is the approach I use (it's okay if you think it's stupid): would I want my own child to eat an entire box of Little Debbies in one sitting? Nah. So why do I allow myself to do that? Would I want my (LEGAL ADULT) child to put down 1300 calories of beer every time he/she went out? Nope. But I think it's fine for me to do it - why? Similarly, would I ever not allow my kid to eat a slice of pizza, or force him/her to starve all day? God, no. That would be abusive - yet I do it to myself. Would I ever call my child stupid, ugly, fat, useless? Never in a million years! But I call myself those things - that's awful. So now, I treat myself like I'd treat my own baby. It's okay to protect yourself. It's okay to coddle yourself. It's okay to baby yourself. When you treat yourself like the most important person in your life, you might realize that you would never abuse anybody the way you abuse yourself, and your whole perception of health could change.

 

Thanks for posting this! Funny how I never stopped to think about what I've become accustomed to saying about myself. I would NEVER say those things ( stupid, ugly, fat, useless, etc.) about anybody else, and would probably beat the snot out of someone if they said it to my face. But somewhere along the road, I gave myself permission to speak those lies about me. Time for me to find some better adjectives!

[The Ox King]

On 5/16/2016 at 9:05 AM, namelesswonder said:

+1 to mental health subforum. It can be such a hard thing to talk about, but it's so important to talk about!

 

Along with Mitchilich's suggestion of acupuncture (totally relaxing, I agree, and some insurance will cover it), even massage can be really good for your mental state. Sometimes when you get a distinct feeling of "wow my body feels really good right now" it helps you link that to "I am worth feeling good".

There's a mental health subforum? I was looking for one and couldn't find it...

[The Ox King]

On 5/16/2016 at 1:33 PM, JustCallMeAmber said:

 

Thanks for posting this! Funny how I never stopped to think about what I've become accustomed to saying about myself. I would NEVER say those things ( stupid, ugly, fat, useless, etc.) about anybody else, and would probably beat the snot out of someone if they said it to my face. But somewhere along the road, I gave myself permission to speak those lies about me. Time for me to find some better adjectives!

Yeah. I've actually been called out by friends for how much I insult myself, even out loud. My particular favorites are "stupid" and "idiot," which really shows what I pride myself in.

[The Ox King]

On 5/11/2016 at 1:31 AM, Igaduma said:

Try to avoid "I am" messages.  Replace them by "I do(n't)" messages.

I am messages indicate a wrong state of mind.  A fixed state of mind.  Making it impossible to change anything.

I do messages indicate a flexible state of mind.  I do "this" but I might just as easily do "that".

I have been trying to do this since you wrote this, and I find it surprisingly hard. Mainly because I just realized I had it backwards, which is probably why it wasn't making sense to me. I am becomes I do. "Stupid is as stupid does."

[The Ox King]

On 5/14/2016 at 7:50 PM, Mitchilich said:

As far as the mood / depression stuff, I found something awesome.  This may sound totally off the wall, but acupuncture. 

 

Finally, I'll keep saying this;  Implement a basic, compound movement strength training routine.

If you can, please tell me more about these two topics. I remember noticing that my insurance, oddly, covers acupuncture to 90%.

[namelesswonder]

14 hours ago, neomattlac said:

There's a mental health subforum? I was looking for one and couldn't find it...

 

No someone just suggested it. I meant that I was agreeing with the suggestion

[Mitchilich]

On 5/20/2016 at 8:56 PM, neomattlac said:

If you can, please tell me more about these two topics. I remember noticing that my insurance, oddly, covers acupuncture to 90%.

 

I don't know what to really tell  you.  I have anxiety issues which manifest themselves in mood, via anger and sometime depression.  Nothing off the wall batshit crazy, but enough so that I know personally I have an issue. 

 

Talk therapy, in my opinion is BS.  $400 an hour for some shrink to do nothing more than a friend would do for free is not worth it.  I tried that EDMR, or EMDR, whatever that eye movement stuff is to treat PTSD... nothing worked over 10 years.  Then I went to an acupuncturist for an unrelated issue... with my shoulder / neck area.  After word, I felt like a million and some change.

 

I don't know about chakras and energy meridians or any of that, but I know I felt clearer, calmer, and it is a whole lot harder to rattle me now.  So I am sold on it.  I may even consider weaning off Buproprion after a while and doing acupuncture monthly.

 

If you need more info on how it all works, you would have to research it on your own.  My evidence is anecdotal and subjective.

 

As for the other, basic compound lifts have been my mantra forever, and will continue to be.  They are time tested.  All the way back to the greeks.  Push, pull, lift.  Squat, bench, deadlift.  Or Squat, overhead press, deadlift.  Nothing will ever beat the basics while we are bipedal creatures on a planet with gravity.

 

Programming them is easy if you're not prone to paralyzing yourself with analyzing everything you do.

 

Download the SL5x5 app and go to town.  Follow the program as is.  Basic strength training is foundational to every other physical activity.  Don't believe me, look it up, or better yet, watch a baby try to stand for the first time, and tell me thats not a maximal effort body weight squat or deadlift.  The endorphines from lifting are awesome for mental health too.  It's hard for someone to piss me off in traffic after I just hit an obnoxious pump and feel great.

[namelesswonder]

And I think talk therapy CAN be very helpful, if you have a therapist who knows what they're doing and what treatment methods will work for you. If a therapist is only acting as a listening ear like a friend would, with minor observations, they're a very crappy therapist. Of course, Mitchilich, I'm not trying to say that you "did it wrong", it may just be that it's not for you.

 

Therapy is also very commonly covered under most insurance with a copay, though I know this is not true for *every* insurance plan. Mine was $20 per session and I've never gone more than once a week when in a really bad spot. Therapists are not once size fits all, so unfortunately sometimes you have to shop around a little. It's a good idea to schedule first appointments with several doctors so you have a few lined up if your first session with one doesn't go well.

 

There's a lot of info out there about the mind-body connection and how feeling good physically can improve your mental state.

[The Ox King]

12 hours ago, namelesswonder said:

And I think talk therapy CAN be very helpful, if you have a therapist who knows what they're doing and what treatment methods will work for you. If a therapist is only acting as a listening ear like a friend would, with minor observations, they're a very crappy therapist. Of course, Mitchilich, I'm not trying to say that you "did it wrong", it may just be that it's not for you.

 

Therapy is also very commonly covered under most insurance with a copay, though I know this is not true for *every* insurance plan. Mine was $20 per session and I've never gone more than once a week when in a really bad spot. Therapists are not once size fits all, so unfortunately sometimes you have to shop around a little. It's a good idea to schedule first appointments with several doctors so you have a few lined up if your first session with one doesn't go well.

 

There's a lot of info out there about the mind-body connection and how feeling good physically can improve your mental state.

I get the feeling that I make it difficult for a therapist, because I get getting "passed on" to another therapist. All I do is talk. i try to respond well. My guess is that I'm not conveying what I need to. That or I just have shitty luck with therapists, which could be the case. This isn't my first ride on the rodeo, but I still don't have a lot of experience.

[namelesswonder]

If all you're doing is talking, what is the therapist doing? If they can't tell you what kind of treatment style they like to use or how they "work", they're crappy. Do they say why they're "passing you on"?

 

FYI you can find lots of local therapists using PsychologyToday.com

[Igaduma]

letting you talk may be what he's doing.

explaining your thoughts to someone forces you to examine your thoughts, which possibly might reveal to you where you get stuck or whatever.