when life trips you up

[Mollum]

As you can see from my battle log, May was supposed to be the month I respawned. I had fallen sick and also tried a new method of controlling food intake in April, which hadn't worked. And I was so encouraged by my March progress - I wanted to replicate it. 

 

I tried to get back on track counting calories, which worked great for about a week.

 

Then we got a new puppy, who we named Frodo, and that sort of became the whole focus of our lives. But he got sick with an infection he had picked up before coming to us. It was really awful - he couldn't eat, he was constantly vomiting and pooping blood. He died, which was really difficult to handle, and we are still grieving him. It was wrenchingly difficult to watch him get sick, and we deal with that kind of sadness in our family by eating - so I don't even want to think about what I have eaten in the past two weeks...

 

A lot of stuff has been happening. My friend came to visit this weekend, two days after our puppy died...I haven't had time to even process anything or get back to normal life.

 

Also. Two days ago, my dad and I had a horrible fight. I can't live with him anymore, and I'm planning to move out.

 

My current job ends in a week, and then I start a new one on June 10th. I met a close friend after three months yesterday and fought with her also (although now it's okay). I'm supposed to travel during the vacation I get between the old job and the new, but I'm thinking of cancelling those plans. I feel like I need some time to get grounded and back to a routine, and to process everything that has happened, but also I've wanted to travel for so long and now I finally have the opportunity. Forget weight loss, even grad school applications have not been happening. I feel my depression coming back and I feel terrified by how much there is to do. After graduating college, I had hoped to lose a good amount of weight and figure out what I wanted to study in grad school and heal from my previous bout of depression. I don't think I've done any of that, and right now - a year after grauating - I feel like my life is still in the process of being fixed and I've made very little progress. I don't want to go back to school like this. I want to have figured out a healthy way of living and being independent.

 

I recently saw some pictures on facebook of me a year ago, and it terrifies me how fat I got. My mom tells me I got even fatter after those pictures - and I have no idea where I am at right now. I don't know why I did this to myself, and I feel like I have to do so. much. to fix my life which is a mess right now.

[Shakeel_R]

Sorry to hear about Frodo. 

 

Point is, you know things need to change. You don't know why it happened, probably depression, boredom, stress, whatsoever. But that is not important. Important is to look forward and go go go go. 

 

 

Quote

I recently saw some pictures on facebook of me a year ago, and it terrifies me how fat I got. My mom tells me I got even fatter after those pictures - and I have no idea where I am at right now. I don't know why I did this to myself, and I feel like I have to do so. much. to fix my life which is a mess right now.

I know this. My mum used to call me a pig. A huge fat obese close a whale pig. (Yes I quoted her). Then I listened, lost weight and I am feeling so good again. 

Well we can figure those things out. Specify your goals, write them down. Share them with us and we can look at a plan!

[jmk]

Wow, you have a lot going on, but I believe you are strong enough to conquer it all! My vote would be go on vacation. All those issues will still be here when you get back, but maybe some time away will help clear your head and change your perspective on whether some of this stuff is really important. I'm sorry to hear about your puppy and I'm sorry for both you & shakell_r that your moms talks to you like that.

[Shakeel_R]

7 hours ago, jmk said:

Wow, you have a lot going on, but I believe you are strong enough to conquer it all! My vote would be go on vacation. All those issues will still be here when you get back, but maybe some time away will help clear your head and change your perspective on whether some of this stuff is really important. I'm sorry to hear about your puppy and I'm sorry for both you & shakell_r that your moms talks to you like that.

It is her way of caring. So you need to get used to that.