Bouncer takes it a bit slower...

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journal 1 out of 29

 

I was doing so good, then I crashed and burned when just school "prep" took the life out of me.

And reason why I didn't just move on to a new challenge, I had the worries and anxiety of starting or continuing goals I broke.

 

So my plan here, is just to journal daily. Anything really. My goal is to try to do every single day on here or in one of my real life journals.

Just to give me an idea where I'm at for the next 29 days. So yeah, I finally wrote it.

[MichiruSedai]

Good to see you here again!

[Leigh]

Yay! I was waiting for a new post from you to show up. I totally know the feeling of anxiety over failed goals, it is really tough at first but you'll get things done at your own pace and we'll be there for high fives and cheers

Sent from my LG-K210 using Tapatalk

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Day 2 out of 29!

 

Thank you guys, yeah I'm just literally dragging myself into here. But I'm here. I'm just worn down from the lovely hormones, and then the mild stress of needing to renew one of my meds... While still learning how to be on top of the money. 

 

Pretty much the positivity for the day: My brother was willing to help my mom and I by helping us buy the basic foods (flour, sugar, eggs) while trading for a ride to the grocery store so he can buy in bulk. The other positive thing today was online Minecraft server, ended up having laughs while enjoy some relax time.

 

Goals pretty much at this time: Being easy on myself, work on steps toward meal plan with my mother, and for fun doing a secret Bouncer project (something to do with the interwebs).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Day 3 out of 29.

Inside all day, probably not the healthiest thing to do. My mom and I are able to talk about the budget without raising our voices (just a touchy subject). I personally need to get my money cleared up.

My main goal today was to work on the kitchen, well all the dishes where put in a plastic bin and washed the counters and was able to make a bit of progress on the dishes while cleaning after everything I cooked myself. (My two main food groups the past couple of days has been ramen and brownies, with chicken with it and broccoli when I make it).

Tomorrow morning I'm going to work on paper work. 2 goals in that area, is reapplying to school (since I didn't go this semester I have to reapply, still cheaper then trying to get by this semester) and find a job that will work with me (and hopefully not seasonal, I would like to at least get to know my coworkers when not storming).

 

Got hit with depression this afternoon, I knew I had to get outside. But it just wasn't going to happen. I will do that in the morning with my skills worker along with paper work. Trying not to stress over it too much (being easier on oneself).

 

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Depression is dumb... and then had a large back spasm because I haven't been doing any exercise routinely. So yeah, I will get myself to sit in the sun this evening as I have started to knit again (goal is to make my mom a scarf I wanted to make back in 2015 for Mother's day, but didn't workout. So this winter she shall have a new pink scarf).

 

I had a hard time sleeping last night again, and got hit with a belly pain (probably from my high carb/sodium diet not balanced out with at least good hydration). Which also probably doesn't help with my back pain.

 

I reapplied to school this morning with my skills worker, didn't walk (different reasons), I'm starting to get anxious about finding a job. Since I do want to get something that will last awhile, but the type of jobs I know I'm good at aren't the most common for my little experience and area.

 

I did do yoga though! How bad my spasm got that I did a stretch for my upper back. Helped a little, probably added awareness more than anything else.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Okay a bit better, my anxiety is through the roof unless I'm laughing. Volunteering, so getting out and even getting a bit of sun because of the museum's sun roof right over where I work (all windows front and above).

 

Back spams still there, but I can actually look both ways (necessary for driving). Just finding it funny how my minecraft hobby and knitting hobby are triggering me to get back on healthy habits for my spasms (keeping good posture, yoga, drinking hydration fluids, and moving around). Need to add walking, but I'm allowing myself to do what I need to do for myself first (such as if I can't stand the idea of walking outside, maybe I need to just have some chill time in a cool dark place, or sun bathe a little bit just outside my door.)

 

Now the good news... My mom and her guyfriend brought up they wanted to go to the state fair. I told my mom I wanted to go also (I can barely remember the last time I went with my dad and grandpa at least a decade ago). In the end it came down to this weekend we will go (I work labor day), so yeah will be busy busy. But will be fun!

 Then today I found my paycheck was a bit larger than I thought, so taking a chunk for state fair is all good (yays).

 

3rd good news (so much for one day), my volunteer site offered to give me paid hours after my job's season ends. Giving me a little bit more the needed stability (not totally to cover it, but better than nothing in a field I want to work in at this time), along with the needed thumbs up (since you know, starting to get paid for a volunteer job is the best praise one could get. (With the plus side of I actually enjoy working their enough, bad days have only been a fraction as my summer job).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Almost missed today. Gosh 9 minutes left, and I caught myself.

 

 

Pretty much my brain has been making it clear, just 30 mins-1 hour will boost my mood when I'm actually outside (not sun roof). So I made my knitting times outside, until I find a pattern I can do without missing stitches (have retried the scarf at least 8 times already).

 

I need to continue the process of applications but, I'm kind of dragging my feet.

 

Watched a bit of glee, when I felt down again. I realized I needed outside time, but also needed to write down my goals for my Top Secret Internet Mission (was called Minecraft but it grew). I think with the reassurance of how I'm doing with one historical society for my career, has made it a bit easier to dream about the what ifs. Tonight though I realized I've been hesitant, and need to prepare for my first "action" day on the interwebs on Sept. 11th. Doesn't make sense, but maybe you'll understand the rush of it, at least a little bit.

 

But yeah, tomorrow night I'm having to drive a bit. While the unknown plans of State Fair affair.

 

 

This week my strongest cravings have been around creamy things (like milk, yogurt, white cake) and potatoes. Annoying when you have double check yourself before i just go ahead an buy a bag of potatoes for myself.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

6 out of 29 Journals. 20% Done!

 

When I woke up this morning I decided to do all my measurements. Pretty much got the answer that I've bee slowly gaining or at least gone back up to 250-255ish and stayed there.

I compared it to my new year's measurements, I've gained 20lbs since then and a .5 inch at least everywhere.

Just accepting it and moving on. Because I know my mental health, and just my every day living life is doing better than it was 9 months ago. It wasn't till the end of February where I was able to see a fun career future (and actually see my options). March was when I signed up for Warrior Dash, and actually attempted all by myself. (I would have signed up for next year if it wasn't the unsureness of where I'm going to be at, and my personal funding).

 

So yeah first these journals. As I'm still figuring out life. I'm still here though! I have surpassed last year, by not leaving Nerd Fitness for a month or more.

 

Also I started to braid the long side of my hair to help keep it out of my hair. My mother gave me a two thumbs up last night when she first saw it (finally my hair out of my face xD). I personally love the look of braids (all my alter ego favorite characters have them on some point). So starting on my looks for what my dream look, looks like. And what actually works for me, also works with my Top Secret Internet Mission.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

7 out of 29. First full week completed. 

 

Survived the State Fair, and probably the most relaxed I've been in a horribly crowded spaces (1 hour trying to find a parking spot that ended up costing $15, however ended up just being across the street from the actual fair). I didn't spend as much as I thought (any of the good stuff I would have paid for ended up being super long and unworthwhile). Though the foods I did buy (bottle of water, turkey leg, pickle on a stick, huge root beer float I should have shared) and not counting the fried mini donuts my mom's bf bought us (they where both craving them, and just added me in for a deal). Had my stomach miserably full.... (probably the first time I can say that after leaving a fair, usually other way around).

 

In the end I was satisfied for what I got out of it, plus a day full of sun without the heat. Half the fun, was me wearing a dress I enjoy wearing with my vibrams. Compliments all around...

 

But yeah, tomorrow will be a mix of rest/get ready for work on Monday. d

[Loveable_Bouncer]

8 out of 29 journals.

10 Minutes of Reading: Read Work Binder, a lot of the intro stuff makes a lot more sense then it did 2 months ago (1 out of 21)

 

So today equated with me sleeping to 11 am (been rebelling against my old sleep schedule since I decided to wait a semester).

A fellow rebel gave me a chat today, telling me I hadn't messaged him over a month. I thought I did, twice actually. Nope, email had been sitting in the messaging save cue for a full month....

Kind of reminded me, how much I close myself off from rest of the world when I feel down. Else I feel like I'm just going to spread the infection of harsh feelings.

 

Felt down again today, but to be expected when your brain dead and all you look forward to is work. (A job where I would bring my laptop to work on if it wasn't for the not wanting to take over wifi issue). Then it hit me this evening I literally am having a countdown to the end of my job (which is a good, but also gave me the bolt of.. um, seriously by the time you enjoy this job again a new job needs to be rolled up along with getting back into school).

Not sure if the jolt was beneficial or not.

 

But with a chat with fellow rebel, he brought up reading material to look into (banned books always intrigued me). And it reminded me how badly my reading has slowed down (unless its a juicy romance novel with characters I can compare myself to). One book my library has, is more political (the notorious book written by Adolf Hitler) but would be the right way to get my brain rewired to look into a book while able to chat with a friend (looking back in my teen hood, I had a mini book club with both my mother and some of my friends in the end- different books of course). Pretty much with Anthropology that's the way we learn before we apply. So yeah, 10 minutes of reading is my second goal for these journals. Simple enough, but exactly something I had anxiety about when having to take 2 classes.

 

Material I'll be reading: "Mein Kampf" and "Dakota War of 1862" (or other material that goes along with my job at the Fort). But has to be published work on actual paper. I've started to avoid reading some papers around me for some odd reason (blaming facebook because even forums get to me). But yeah two goals, let's see how this goes!

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journals: 9 out of 29

Reading 10 minutes: "Lincoln and the Indians: Civil War Policy and Politics"  (literally read this for a couple hours at work, first book that was political and I sunk in right away).

 

Work wasn't so bad, even though I literally dragged my feet there and ran out (don't ask me why, i like the job but...).

 

Also its official I have a suitor, downside I turn him down (but the first guy in my 20s that I gave my number to anyway). Figuring out one of my top requirements for friendship/dating is easy talking (which doesn't happen to be this guy, however I'm just shrugging my shoulders and taking in the attention. Usually that "good" feeling alerts other guys to pop up and ask me out. Always happens, but first I would like to have a pleasant conversations like how I make friends).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journal 10 out of 29

Reading 10 mins daily - 3 out of 21 (read work binder, mainly facts about fort and the start of a section about the making of Minnesota state).

 

So tired and my brain runs around looking for reassurance, which a lot of it is romantic thinking of a different way of living. Along with just plain out of it, having to drive my mother. Ended up spending most of the afternoon rewatching Friends (while watching Glee when I'm at home).

 

Having to deal with telling myself everything is fine, so I don't stress out by the smallest things.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journal 11 out of 29

Reading 10 mins daily - 4 out of 21; read: Main Kampf: Dedication, Preface (which googling things I couldn't figure out the importance gave me a needed background for reading this book) and started the Translator's Note (which of course is probably changing how I'm going to read this book).

 

 

Rainy & more rainy. Last night I actually had a dream about a zombie apocalypse, and compared to the day before. With a fun google I found I'm just stressed/overwhelmed by life circumstances. I have no idea why, I just feel something under the skin is going crazy as everything around me just looks normal but a struggle (if any of that makes sense).

Probably goes along with the question of not sure why I feel the way I do. I can be professional and kind to the public anytime, however to people talking to me as a person its a dice roll on what they will receive.

 

Darn annoying, along with me fighting back any "dreamy" thinking that mixes up what my reality is and how I "wish" it was. A battle in  my head, that can make it difficult to get up and have me need what I do. No less go to bed at a descent time (avoiding going to bed unless I'm ready to crash, because I can't deal with my brains need to get lost in the tiring cycle).

In the end I should be thankful, that I'm dong well enough to control that thinking. Other then doing something I'm going to regret in the now.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journal 12 out of 29

Reading Goal: 5 out of 21 (Main Kampf: Started to get into the introduction, appreciating that I've read the intros for the fact of my own future writing use. However, I do need to keep a dictionary near this book at all times).

 

 

Sleep got weird last night. My mom ended up waking me up around 3, I ended up playing one of the famous matching 3 games on facebook for about 4-5 hours. Before crashing at 8 (got my reading done first). My dreams have continued to be stressful, interesting enough but ended up going through a dream that was telling someone "its not you, your brain is just not doing well right now" because of some possession of "evil" made him ill. Pretty much the closest thing I could match up to what I'm dealing with.

 

Had a good long chat with my Skills Worker, ended up getting some relief. Pretty much it came down to, yes my brain is driving me nuts. But in the end I can work when I need to, good at my job toward customers and the public, and my brain is allowing information I'm feeding it (for the first time this summer easily). However, getting daily stuff done and things needed... as I've said not so well. Luckily tomorrow morning, I will be able to finish some things up on my part.

 

Also forgot to say, my spasm finally settled down yesterday all day. Allowing to my head, and I did do yoga yesterday for the sake of prevention.

Pretty much doing yoga and getting sun passively only stress me out when I know I need to get it done to be able to move on, however still difficult to do it. However, when I do it, its not such a big deal. (Which I can say about everything except reading and playing games on the computer).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journal 13 out of 29.

10 mins reading 6 out of 21 - Mein kampf (the book that was a financial burden until Hitler gained burden, then it turned into the must of wedding gifts/requirements reading material as it was the 2nd top settler compared to the bible.)

 

Umm, yeah. Kept thinking of writing. But at the same time never did. Finally the "emotional thinking chaos" in my head was helped finally by chatting up (3 times the charm xD ). My mother commented my giggling. Figured out next week will be busy for having to do something every single day. Sunday -Next Sunday I will have one day of nothing. While each day will have me needing to get up with a schedule for that day and the next. So tomorrow will be preparing for a work week ahead.

 

No dishes where cleaned today (was doing so well today, except I decided to binge read a NF thread while playing FB puzzle games. Decided to quit them this afternoon since they weren't helping my thinking/mood. Instead binged watched Elementary on Hulu (since I always wanted to watch it beginning to present).

 

But a good mood and laundry was done. Now to work on my darn sleep schedule. Waking up at 8 has been difficult as I'm still sitting here type as it stroke past after midnight (I'm praying I'll get things in order tomorrow so I can crash before work, and be able to deal with a well paid day).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Journals 14 out of 29

10 mins of Reading 7 out of 21, Mein Kampf. (defiantly getting my vocabulary lesson, and realizing to look up how to pronounce it is a bit important for me on top of it).

 

Today was being doing good right away in the day (after two hours of hiding in bed after not wanting to wake up). Almost forgot to eat, but made sure I did before I turned the worst as my mom hung around my apartment (she's getting lost in youtubing as in late, she listened to a lecture though that ended with her feeling normal/though hyped up).

 

Yesterday I talked with my mom about how I would shout out "I wanna go home", and I literally would be in my house (many times huddled in my bed).  The apartment felt a bit more like home since I got the sofa, but not yet. Things around me don't feel like home (though I do act like I'm in my own place, and live like it too with the constant not picking up or cleaning up after myself).

So I ended up trying a step this morning. Realized yesterday I don't really do much outside of my computer. Reasoning of why dealing with life is difficult when I'm without it. When I'm studying for school or volunteering all alone at a front desk in between visitors that's another story. However, dealing with work and other factors in my life without screen time gets to me. Partly because I'm looking for something to kick up the part of the brain to help with focus (research has shown people with ADHD need to find something stimulating because it takes more for the brain to stay "lit" up - why fidgeting is a big sign/movement/talking too much are signs of "being different').

Luckily the reading has been helping a little. I ended up hitting up my Goodreads account to clean it up. Seeing it as the best reference for keeping tabs on what I'm reading (50% the finished books I read so far in 2016 have been manga with one graphic/comic book). Realized I could keep track of my own books on the goodreads account (inventory). So I decided to do that for a few hours today. I hold onto books unless there are negative emotions around them, today was more of seeing "did I read this? if not do I want to? if yes, do I like enough to reference it again or when was the last time I actually thought about rereading it". I ended up finding a stack of paperbacks on my bookshelf that is a series about Christmas angels, having that awareness of easy reading for the month of December (would make that month easy enough).

Okay so in the end, got a different look at my bookshelf. Had a realization that I do want to read my Anthropology books fully before I start up school again (figure I'll start that up after MEA, or when to add another book into the challenge). Got rid of a few, but kept most of them. Moved them around, and still have 2 full boxes to go through and rearrange. (the boxes are made so I can easily store them under my bed when I'm done. hard part will be reminding myself to read certain books, certain time of year).

 

2 weeks into this journaling! Whoo! Proud of myself, a close call weekly. My mother brought up that I should be journaling to watch my mood, for once after this advice constantly, I'm doing it.

 

Pretty much today work anxiety has been getting to me. Things I'm worried about with the whole learning thing. While dragging my feet (especially to deal with my boss who will more than likely bring up the subjects of last week... which I now know I have an authority to say, "nah, how about no." I love talking, but putting my foot in my mouth one too many times just irritates me more than the me having to stay busy part.

 

The anxiety had me crashing by 3, just had to shrug my shoulders and dealing with my hyper mother (our roles switched, she was the one bugging me while I was just out of it). However, her tips on what she would bring to work to snack on (I finally decided frozen dinners was going to be the easiest to make sure I get enough what I need for breakfast/lunch, without having me feel ill or "needing more".) Pretty much crackers and licorice, with pop of course. A good mix to keep me going, easy to grab and have me avoid buying something that I will regret (all the candy eyeing me on the front counter...) Simple, yes. But something I couldn't add in to my view, since all I could think was "coffee shops and gas station food are out of the question for pricing). I'm learning what works for me (such as I only buy fresh produce if I know I'm going to eat it, because its my number one choice, not because "I should, or would be better for my budget".) Getting into the mentality that making my own or picking up frozen meals is a whole lot better, and tastier then most of the convenient stuff.

 

I'm staying with my 2 goals, and nothing more (unless one of my many appointments brings up something to try). As a busy week,  finishing with 2 work days.

 

 

2 week mark.. longest post yet.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

15 out of 21 Journals

15 minute reading goal: Work Binder, on the section of Minnesota history (one guy really want to make sure Wisconsin or Iowa didn't get any larger as he protected MN's borders)

Turned off all screens before Midnight last night.

 

Work day went good. Figured out with my boss, we both tell our whole story on a certain subjects when asked. We may butt heads, but ah well.

Was a gorgeous day though (slow day at work because of it), fall wind finally coming in for the 2nd week of September Cool down. Glad the work day was done, was tired after work ended up marathoning "Elementary" till I started having allergies kicked up (lack of allergy meds has been interesting).

 

Decided to add to my goals. As you'll see above. Adding 5 minutes to my reading goal weekly will slowly progress me to 2 hours daily by the end of January (which will be a good spot before school).

New goal added, is last night I realized I need to do something for my actual health (nerdfitness got a name for a reason). I figured the one thing I could control is my screen time before bed. Like my reading, I'll minus 5 minutes weekly. With Midnight being my starting point until I get to 10 pm.

 

So in a way these two goals kind of do the "take away, replace method". If I end up reading just right before I sleep, not that big of deal as long as I do it before Midnight.

However, it will make stuff for school more interesting. Things may change for the sleeping if "crazy" things get to my schedule. But having open sleep time from 10 pm to at least 6 am, gives me the "needed amount of sleep". I'm not putting any rules to when I can put on my computer, since it varies by need so much.

 

 

My goals now with my goals, is to take "streaks" seriously. Whenever I fall off the wagon, missing a day is a "Red Alert". Like missing meds one day, can take a month(s) to recover from (sadly but the truth). Its my preventative. I will need to add more, but this is the start. If I miss a day, it might be a sign that I added too much too quickly. Or can come from an ounce of boredom that has me "rocking the minecart of a structured life." Pretty much life has shown me lately, it doesn't take much for me to do that unpredictably. I don't need to be doing that to myself, because I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

Good news, today I got a message from an old coworker (from the job that led me into depression) that would see me capable at working at my town's main gas station. Sadly, I don't have the personality that thrives at such places, however gives me that needed confidence. I just have to learn quite a bit before I could handle such a work place, and by then I feel like I will fall into something "stable". At least that's my goal with this next year, find that job that I can stick to while I finish school, while not falling into depression (My version of level 20, now I just need to add the "fun parts of my life" to make it a bit easier somehow.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

16 out of 29 Journals

15 mins of reading: 2 pages of worker binder and Mein Kaff(hit page 8) (going to start noting pages to maybe see in the far future if my speed goes up, along with length of time). My worker binder is getting more interesting, since I know in October I'm saying good bye to it.

Turned off Screen by Midnight?: I'm pretty sure I turned them off by 11:30, because I was just ready to sleep (hard part I've been dealing with is going into sleep). So glad my appointment today wasn't till late morning, because it took me more than an hour to get out of bed. Was shocked I didn't fall asleep in the shower, however getting ready after shower I was falling asleep on my bed.

 

In the end I made my appointment. Met up with my original Career Worker (she had maternity leave way before I even got the job I have now), pretty much will see how quickly and how well my next job will be. I pretty much figured out I want to move to Mankato, so getting a job in Mankato would workout (and being stranded because of weather, with my brother able to have an open door for me would make it easier for school). Will see, will see. My career worker though couldn't help think of me working at the state park at a visitor center that has quite a few bison (I haven't seen them up close, but their a wonderful view when passing over the area).

Personally, working at a park would be wonderful. However, my nature/ecology back ground is horrible (I know simple stuff, however when talking to nature buffs I'm nothing). 

 

And speaking of nature, my meeting was short. So I decided to head out to the State Trail that I walked quite a bit during the winter and last summer. Found myself with a bunch of snacks in the car (my number one issue that prevents me random walking), I decided a good hour walk with trees all around (constant green) would do me some good. Which it did, before I went and did bulk Walmart shopping (realized they do sell olive oil in huge bottles, but questioned how cheap the price was of brand names... So I stuck with my semi-larger bottle for olive oil). It's really interesting how much the sizes vary when you quit making your own stuff with canola oil. (Also on side note, breakfast winner seems to be milk&cereal w/ eggs. Things I enjoy when I eat them in the morning, and not a big deal if I eat later in the day. Only issue I had with this situation in the past is raisin bran w/ milk quickly grows mold when I don't wash it withing a few days (yes I'm that bad x3), which I hear is a good thing since the lack of preservatives would make that).

 

And I wanted to bring up a guy talk. But simply, the guy who I traded numbers with texts like he talks (longer than my friends, but doesn't help continue the conversation - xD at least I figured out east conversation is on a higher/equivalent scale for first attraction level). However, main reason I don't cut him out - he is the 1 guy out of 2 (first guy was facebook though, so less prompts) that starts the conversation. Still "caution" signs blaring, however if I find out if he's a nature buff (and into hiking) he might be the friend/guy I've been praying for since last year May (even with all the caution signs, he is a guy I would trust if we did do hiking).

 

Okay 1 last "partly update". I found this on my facebook timeline this evening:

 

Kind of put my whole battle in a new perspective. Reading a fellow NF's progress starting from last March, made me rethink my goals. I had to take a deep breath, and tell myself "mini baby steps." Because in the past I would view my progress as a couple laps, while now i see it as just starting out. Each day just a step, and right now I'm fine with that. (Could be the "calm hormones" and nature talking, but I'm looking forward to what the near future brings me. I just hope it comes with a good amount of social fun). By the time school starts I'm hoping I will at least have one "body moving" routine being made, and a full idea for my meal plan.

 

 

And one more update, for note to myself. Literally my mom has been "home" for just a week tomorrow. We're back to our "give me space" issues. I for see our mother-daughter relationship working perfectly when we're not so in such close proximity.

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Goals:

• Journaling: 17 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 9 out of 21 Days (longest streak)
• Screens off at Midnight: 0 out of 13
  • Longest Streak: 2

Whelp, first sign of needing to watch myself. I will be staying at Midnight until I hit that 7 day streak. Ended up happening from me getting "hyped" with a response, that I later regretted, that led me to turn on the computer .... Which I ended up leaving, because for some odd reason my gut was alright with it (just keeping the experience in mind). So I didn't have the screens turned off till at least 12:15... Ah well. What I thought would be the easiest, ended up being a bit more difficult.

 

I kind of really like seeing my streak with these types of goals. Now I know I can feel a bit of pride when I see the number when its a goal I am taking seriously, but don't feel hugely overwhelmed by.

 

Today marks a day where I feel horribly tired, however at the same time it was an active day. Starting at 6 am (with me finding Rugrats on hulu - was my favorite show in childhood, I didn't realize how much I liked it till I had guys come up to me in high school asking me about my Rugrats addiction. Which to comparison to their own fan worlds, my was barely anything).

Appointments went well, found some incite. First one ended with 'in the end, you'll get through this'. Second one I finally called Fedloans..... If I had called 6 months earlier, I probably would have had it a tad easier (since my income is so little, with some paperwork my loans can be waived until I start earning more money or go back to school).

 

And cool point, first day in awhile where I haven't ingested pop or sweets. Heaviest amount of sugars have been from liquid still, to go with coffee, tea, and kool-aid. Figured out with coffee, when I need a jolt but can't afford much getting an espresso with chocolate milk would be the easiest/healthiest option next to gas station coffee and half cream and vanilla creamer. I even give myself a pat on the back for just drinking iced water with a burger instead of pop (was purely content on top of it).

Now I just pray for a full night sleep! Because those are nice

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Goals:

• Journaling: 18 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 10 out of 21 Days (longest streak) - 2 pgs Work Binder, 3 pgs Mein Kampf, 25 pgs Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber (a reread from my middle school years, to see if I want to keep the series)
• Screens off at Midnight: 1 out of 13
  • Longest Streak: 2

Another day, and hit all the goals. Though I think I got hit with a cold, not just allergies. Sniffing goes away when I leave home, however when I came back home after volunteering, I have a thirst that can't be contained. It's stupid, but I confirmed I maybe sick when I looked at the bottom of a mug when all the tea was gone (only time I have simlar feelings when I found all the pop was fully drank...)

(How I always feel).

 

So yeah perk is, if I'm still able to get everything on this list done (bravo for me!)

2 more appointments tomorrow, then I'm done till my work weekend starts. The huge perk of having to go to Mankato has been groceries spent, actually discouraged me from getting brownies tonight (partly because I didn't trust myself to either walk or drive). Just intersting.

 

Side quest: 2 days without pop, having a cold is somehow making it easier...

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Main Goals:

• Journaling: 19 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 11 out of 21 Days (longest streak) - 2 pgs Work Binder, 3 pgs Mein Kampf
• Screens off at Midnight: 2 out of 13 (longest streak)
• Poison Be Gone (Days w/o Pop): 3 out of 12 (longest streak) (put in as emergency goal)

Temporary Side Goals:

• Enter/confirm 3 receipts into budget program daily: 2 days
  • will be continued until I reconcile everything

Weekly Goals:

• 1 hour weekly (Scheduled for Tuesdays or Thursdays) enter/confirm money transactions: 0 out of 1 week

 

Okay so the "goal fever" started up. But there is real reasons! And I seem to be liking this way of goal tracking even though it is also very early to tell.

 

Mainly 2 new goals (that added a third one to get on top of it. In away it shows all the different parts of my life. Journaling for NF, Reading for Mental, Screens off for Physical, w/o Pop for nutrition and Receipts for Living Survival.

 

Reasoning why the Pop was added, my doctor brought up my worries about sugar are confirmed by my continuous weight gain for this year. Yippee... I'm the heaviest I've ever been A portion of the weight could be muscle, since I do have better posture compared to 9 months ago (which muscle had to be gained to make it possible). However, I know my eating habits haven't been any better. Along with pop being pointed as an enemy toward many of the symptoms and issues I have. Pretty much being able to say my drinking intake went down will help. At the moment I'm being more mindful with sweet stuff, because I think I know most of the stuff I enjoy doesn't taste that good unless washed down with pop or milk (reason I'm watching milk is because it can get so darn expensive, and makes things worse when I drink it more then other drink options).

 

The cool part about getting off pop, is that I do have the realization that making unlimited kool-aid helps deal with it. But allowing myself to play around with teas (coffee gets messy since I can't enjoy it without being heavily milked down/sweetened). My skills worker made it aware to me that there is a Tea House in Mankato... That has 3 days a week of sampling, and looking at their menu you can reserve an "afternoon tea". Which to me reminds me of my inner child, that loved tea settings and the whole idea of them (though I didn't really like tea until my 20s).

To me, making it a goal that I go to the tea shop when I hit a certain amount of days (unsure yet, but my longest streak without Pop has been about 3 months), and putting money aside that would normally go toward my pop habit (not counting the money to keep my Kool-aid/tea storage full, and occasional coffee (which in itself could be placed for smaller streaks). To enjoy the world of "tea houses" and see which teas in the end I do enjoy. An excuse to have my own tea sets, can continue on.  Just kind of cool in the end.

 

While the receipts goal was added because I have lost the little habit I did have to keep track of money since beginning of August. It is a habit I want to at least have strong enough in my goals, before starting a second job and school (unknown in particular order).

 

 

These are all the goals I'm adding (knock on wood) for the rest of the challenge. And will maintain for October. My goals in October are kind of wonky in my head, but will be steps toward me getting ready for a job shift and busier life. Making a habit of packing meals and snacks when I'm out/working for long periods of time. Along with the habit of just cleaning containers the night before, so all I have to do is throw in i know I will eat that day.

 

 

But further more, 1 last day before I work. My mother was nice enough to give me some break, since busiest week in awhile plus working all weekend (seems to be the way it only works). But just makes me question how much I need to work on getting ready for a job that will be quite a few more hours... with school, and not go into depression. Let's say I've been doing a bit of praying.

 

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Main Goals:

• Journaling: 20 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 11 out of 21 Days (longest streak) - (will be done when I go to bed)
• Screens off at Midnight: 3 out of 13 (longest streak)
• Poison Be Gone (Days w/o Pop): 4 out of 12 (longest streak) (put in as emergency goal)

Temporary Side Goals:

• Enter/confirm 3 receipts into budget program daily: 2 days (missed 9/16)
  • will be continued until I reconcile everything

Weekly Goals:

• 1 hour weekly (Scheduled for Tuesdays or Thursdays) enter/confirm money transactions: 0 out of 1 week

Really happy I kept my day busy by doing laundry at my brother's, while able to have a few hours (felt bad for him, because I ended up being hyper and he's just dead from a week of work). But helped keep my head out of overthinking about work (I was in shutdown mode all morning, until I realized one washer was broken in my apartment's laundry room). Was less stressful after that, even Walmart on a busy evening was okay.

I had a pang of lonliness as I headed home, but that was more from having a neck spasm turn up again (woke up finding I was grinding my teeth this morning).

 

Also had the realization today, that not only do I have to think about snacks/lunches. But having to get my strength up again in walking, the thing I want to deal with when starting school or work is not having the stamina for what could be a 3-6 mile daily walk snow and hill both ways... (Literally).

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Main Goals:

• Journaling: 21 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 12 out of 21 Days (longest streak) - (will be done when I go to bed)
• Screens off at Midnight: 4 out of 13 (longest streak)
• Poison Be Gone (Days w/o Pop): 5 out of 12 (longest streak) (put in as emergency goal)

Temporary Side Goals:7

• Enter/confirm 3 receipts into budget program daily: 2 days (missed 9/16, 9/17)
  • will be continued until I reconcile everything

Weekly Goals:

• 1 hour weekly (Scheduled for Tuesdays or Thursdays) enter/confirm money transactions: 0 out of 1 week

 

Dead tired from work and allergy attack (mix of who knows mixed with lots of ickiness of dust/cobwebs). Gave me an idea of what I need to clean up in my own apartment. And I finally bought allergy meds after both my nostrils where plugged up...

 

 

So yeah, only thing I haven't kept up is receipts. But, in the end I just "shrug" it off. This working on not being hard on myself seems to work out.

Also proud of myself for making probably my first day of work in my current job without pop, made a large batch of iced tea sweetened with honey, and poured them into my SodaStream bottle. I think this is the most hydrated I've been since Wednesday (work seems to make my thirst up)

 

[Loveable_Bouncer]

Main Goals:

• Journaling: 22 out of 29 Journals (longest streak)
• Reading: 14 out of 21 Days (longest streak) - 'Vampire Kisses' at work, quite enjoy the break. Will be working on getting to a certain point on my main books before starting the second book.
• Screens off at Midnight: 5 out of 13 (longest streak)
• Poison Be Gone (Days w/o Pop): 6 out of 12 (longest streak) (put in as emergency goal)

Temporary Side Goals:7

• Enter/confirm 3 receipts into budget program daily: 2 days (missed 9/16, 9/17,9/18)
  • will be continued until I reconcile everything

Weekly Goals:

• 1 hour weekly (Scheduled for Tuesdays or Thursdays) enter/confirm money transactions: 0 out of 1 week

As another week hits, so does my reading goal (now 20 minutues), easy peasy when I kept my junk food version or rereading my middle school self. (A character I probably wished I was, but enough drug stories in other books changed my mind). Intrigued on how the Vampire male was very shy and awkward for the world, compared to the books I read today (a few do, but not in a way that has me giggle at them stumbling for each other). So along with my Anthropology books, I will be rereading Vampire books that I haven't been able to reread in the last decade (can't believe its been 10 years since I picked up my first Vampire teen novel...)

 

3 weeks in! And my first full work weekend and no pop. The first in a long time (at least where I wasn't acting that I was dying). Caffeine replaced with black iced tea sweetened with honey (2nd batch was half honey based on being too sweet the first time). Double proud of myself because I literally had the brand name Ginger Ale in my view every time I grabbed a bottle of water (which I took down within an hour, because the wonderful Prairie Wind was worsening my symptoms), the number one drink I would be going for in this situation. Tomorrow is the first week, really interesting on able to have a low enough stress to see how many calories in replaced food matches Pop. I mean even in Kool-aid takes twice as much to hit a point, but I'm overful by then.

Along with happy that I can settle with this single food change for awhile, being able to choose this one thing doesn't close the door on too much, but has me realize what is not worth it without a coke (almost went to Mc Donald's even, but nope bought a Digornia stuffed crust pizza where I ate too my fill and with tasty left overs!)

 

And tonight curing my dry throat (and sinuses) with kool-aid, better then sneezing all over the place or plugged up nostrils like last night.

 

Turning off the computer early tonight, based on my want to be able to sleep in tomorrow. That and naps are quite impossible unless I'm passing out because of the activity around my apartment, however after 8 pm when the sun goes down early, everything is chill on a Sunday night (except for that darn football game (Vikings vs Packers... MN vs WI... I don't watch foot ball, but certain loud people do. Its a big deal in the world of fans and marketing).