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6 days just stepping on and off, 1 small sesh where I did some back pullovers, and tried to get the feel for ballouts.

This sounds suspiciously like something I'd do. In fact, I noticed, while putting away my laundry yesterday, I'm in need of more socks. And workout clothes.

I think you have more chance than you think. That's coming from experience. Regardless of chances, I'll be sending out a little note to the universe to be kind with your future regardless of which direction it should go- be it this job or another you haven't yet discovered.

Here to follow and for support! In spite of master Yoda's advice, there is alot of benefit to trying. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, do or do not. Even if it's not a diamond or gold star, making the effort towards your goals is good. Track what works, and what you continue to struggle with, and then you can focus more on what you need to. That which gets measured gets managed, and I find that to be especially helpful with self-sabotage. By next challenge you'll have a better idea of what areas you'll have to focus on more (not that you don't already know some). Best of luck. I'm here for it!

Well now I really want to be watching the current season of OMITB!  We are just starting season 4 of The MMM.  

I recently went through our tea collection and ended up with almost a gallon bag full of mismatched (often unlabeled) teabags. I've started making myself an afternoon tea with whatever comes to hand first from the grab-bag. I'd forgotten how nice it is sometimes. I don't want to drink it too late either because some of them are caffeinated, but I never really know what I'm gonna get. Classic tea, herbal, fruity. It's a surprise!

Isn't losing some proportion of muscle as you lose weight inevitable? Surely the question is only what proportion. And might some of it be unneeded proteins in, I dunno, the skin or something? Do the people who do the scans tell you what to expect or set any goals for that?     Neato! That sounds more humane than restricting calories. To my hungry caterpillar self anyway. 

Sorry to hear about the fry losses but glad you are feeling better. Was it maybe a feeding thing? I know getting them enough food, that is small enough, often enough can be a real challenge. The fact that they were bonus that you weren't really trying for does lessen the blow. Learning experience that you can try to troubleshoot from. For the high flow, are you just thinking a powerhead or some sort of inflow one end outflow the other setup? I've wanted to do a river tank for a while. That's probably what I'll try next with my 20G long tho I do imagine a 40G would work even better.

I tried to convince myself that three days off is enough, and that I would go straight to the gym, and then I did nothing but a couple of walks. I feel this constant low level emotional/physical discomfort and just want everything to go away for a few days. I guess that's stress from having people in the house. The window man is coming back a third time next week, and for the third time Mr Harriet will not be here.  More stupid appearance stuff today.  I took a video of some new and old jeans from behind, to see if they fit, and... How is it even possibly for me to look that blocky from behind? And my head looks too small on said huge block. I thought I looked pretty okay from the front. It's got to be partly the phone camera, right? And possibly my ill advised boxy tees. Probably with wide shoulders and even wider hips I should wear tailored stuff if I don't want to look like a big rectangle. But tight stuff makes me uncomfortable and I feel it draws attention to my stomach.  After ten years of trying and completely failing to lose weight, I feel stuck. I can't seem to give up the hope of not being this shape forever, or adjust my sense of self to my reality. But nothing works--my hunger and cravings always settle the score. I know that people say you cannot outrun your fork, but my hunger seems to be pretty fixed at about 2200 calories (more like 2800 on a keto diet, but without weight gain, so I assume there is some inefficiency), and scattering some manageable movement throughout the day can bring my expenditure up a few hundred. Without making me eat more, apparently. So maybe I should just let diet go and focus on fitness for a while. I mean, even if it doesn't cause any weight loss it would still be very worthwhile in its own right. 

I couldn't find the photo but it reminded me of a place I found in Germany. Balzac coffee. Their coffee had an oddly nutty flavor. 😄