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It was. I still need more sleep, but I feel a lot less stressed. We call it "alone-time". We've unintentionally developed a rule through the years that if one of us asks for alone-time, they immediately get it, no questions asked. And to be able to go off and have that solitude and know that it won't be taken as a negative, or misunderstood, is something I am grateful for. Any introvert who needs this in their life, deserves to have it.

Hey guys. Good news about my car.. It was just a heat shield! I got my oil change and I did in fact have a slow leak... Caused by a screw in my tire. It is very likely that tomorrow I will not be able to walk without severe pain 🥲 I spent the day walking around the big city playing tour guide to my sister and her friend. My feet are shot. 16.8k steps, 11.7kms. I kept having these fun moments where I was painfully aware of how large I've become. My body is begging me to try and drop some pounds to relieve the added stress. I've been circling around in my head that I need to do something drastic just to get back down to at least 250lbs but honestly that's even a huge hurdle at that's point and I know with weight-loss it's better to go slow and steady. I'm honestly surprised that none of my family has tried having a heart to heart with me about my weight. It's getting that bad. I am definitely feeling stuck. I need to commit to food choices but I find it so difficult. I struggle to move more because I can only do so much with my feet. I don't need to be all bleh but I'm just tired and frustrated at my lack of effort and progress.

I am going to try spinning it by itself and in blends. It looks a lot like pearl cotton, so I may try for a finer weight. I want to find out how strong it is when spun. Silk is immensely strong as well as having a lovely sheen. My idea was to add silk to the alpaca yarn to make it stronger while retaining the softness. This gives me something new to play with. Solidarity. I know that I have not needed the stuff for years. It could be donated, recycled or thrown out. Or it is buried treasure and I will be happy to rediscover it. Some things should go to the historical society. It is just a question of being willing to take the time. I read a bit more last night and it continued to be disappointing. I already know to wash up the dishes as I am cooking. I do not get extra dishes dirty without a good reason. In a perfect world I would not leave things to soak in the sink overnight. In my world, I try not to leave them more than 48 hours. It is a short book so I am going to read some more of it. Maybe the later chapters will have useful tips. I will let you know. ------------------- I talked with the young people again last night and they are not coming to the wedding. Elf had to go to urgent care yesterday. Things will probably be fine, but they are not good right now. Cleo is too unsteady to walk not hanging onto something or someone. It took me about 15 minutes to go from being disappointed to realizing that them staying home will make the trip better for me and Dumbledore. We do not need to get up early on Saturday so that they can have breakfast with my brother who lives on the east coast. He is hosting the groom's party on Friday, so he is thrilled to get more sleep Saturday morning. Dumbledore can do things on his own while I am spending time with my mom. This will make everyone happier. We are going to Ikea on Sunday to look at possible new furniture for the living room. We can take our time and not worry about Elf and Cleo waiting for us in the restaurant. I will have to answer the "where is Elf?" questions, but that is a small price to pay for a much rosier attitude towards the weekend.

Sorry for the TMI, but ^these^ actually gave me a blister on my bum two weeks ago... 😬 That'll teach me to do stuff like this with my jeans on. It was the middle belt loop, I tell ya! 😅

Hi Friends! Today will likely be the day which determines whether I will be traveling next week or not. The meeting is in the morning so plenty of time to plan/prepare. Plus I work tomorrow so I can finish up any last minute travel stuff. I was absolutely not feeling the gym this morning. I woke up okay, about the same as yesterday, but not horrible like Tuesday. Unlike the rest of this week, I didn't improve once I started working out. I dragged the entire time. I'm still not feeling it. Just one of those days I suppose and arms are my least favorite to work out which doesn't help. Good on food still. I've got today planned and I'm within the 10g of each macro goal again, which is what Coach wants for consistency. Hopefully I can follow it. It's nice to have a tentative plan (lunch is already done and dinner is a tentative plan for reference) I can input into the app and then adjust from there. I make most of my adjustments with 2 snacks, one morning and one afternoon. I've really only had afternoon snacks on occasion but I've noticed I'm hungrier right after my workout and then need a morning snack to hold me over until lunch. This works well for my macro balancing and ensuring I'm getting enough food in to support my workouts. Talked with Coach and she gave me some ideas for next week, especially if I have to travel. Frozen protein (I found fully cooked chicken breast, chicken breast slices, and chicken nuggets so they're quick heat and eat), frozen starch (sweet potato fries - mouth is watering thinking of them a quick oven or air fryer option), and frozen veg to steam or boil real quick. It'll be nice to have for days I'm home if I do travel only a couple days next week. It might even be nice if I'm not traveling to simplify things! I got a tentative outline for the Man on the MBA. I'll help him through that hopefully tonight (assuming I don't have a last minute late evening meeting to finalize things since many people are off tomorrow for their 9/80 - I am not). All my Mundane Magic was done yesterday!!! I'm hoping much the same today but we shall see. Budget is still good. I spent $80 but got 3 pairs of leggings to work out in. If I don't do laundry today, I won't have any leggings to work out in tomorrow morning, eek! It's an investment in my health and I've been thinking of adding to my workout wardrobe anyway. Realizing I didn't have anything for tomorrow made my mind up I needed to invest and I know I have the money (to go towards debt, I'll just take from that pool). I found a pair that had various colors/designs and very very high ratings on Amazon. Only $25 a piece. I went ahead and got 3 pair so I have spares (for example if I didn't want to do laundry until after the 10k on Sunday I'd need at least 2 more pair to get through tomorrow and the 10k itself). Otherwise, I'm right on track!

The imposter syndrome is strong right now. I think it's mostly work related, but it seems to be draining the energy I could have used to drive to the gym the last two days. Yuck.

Seriously, more of this weather, please. I'm going out to lunch with my folks at my mom's favorite local Greek place, and she loves the outdoor seating. I hope it lasts.

A bit of light Things got worse before it got better. I have a client list of 29 people and my supervisor was hyping it up. Soooooo much therapy. Soooooo much $. I just want the hours so I can take my LICSW and then NEVER feel inferior again. These hundred job listings that talk about making like 70-120 bucks an hour IF I had a stupid 'I' in the middle of my license is driving me nuts. It's giving me job blue-balls. Going from what I have for an LCSW-->LICSW = like double the money. Until then, I continue to scrounge like a rat in order to get my hours. Last week and the start of this week I was feeling even worse. I would go in, the person who was listed in PRIOR NOTES FROM MULTIPLE PROFESSIONALS as being 'suitable for treatment' and able to 'benefit from therapy' turned out to be a lie. Yeah, the woman who ignored questions or laughs and sometimes says 'yes' or 'no' is going to benefit from having a dialogue. I'm sure the woman who asked me 5 times why it's not ok to draw swastikas in the 20 minutes we talked is REALLY going to get something out of therapy. The woman who was curled up in a ball and crying and scratching at the plastic side-railing and who didn't even acknowledge me is REALLY going to benefit from therapy. The psychiatrist on the team writes a two-sentence note, saying that someone will benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy.... when they can't even talk or answer single-word questions. I found a duplicate note from someone that was a literal cut-and-paste for two DIFFERENT clients. As in, there were two different clients that also had issues with their son and who didn't want to feel trapped at the nursing home and who ended up getting into a physical altercation and this was listed VERBATIM on the same day for different people. Yeah...sure. I also found cloned noted on a week-to-week basis for someone else. In other words, there are people in this department that aren't doing their jobs. They are not properly assessing. They are not actually doing therapy. They are just writing they are for a paycheck and then leaving. I mean, why NOT just say that the woman who is in a wheelchair and gibbering to herself did 'solid therapy' if it gets you $35 bucks? Oh wait, because that's fucking immoral and illegal if there's an audit. I'm not playing along- especially if it's my ass that gets audited when the state decides to investigate. I got into this profession to help people, and yet the percentage of people who I would consider my equals and coworkers who also share this sentiment is so baffling low that it is disheartening. It's no wonder I know so many people who have given therapy a chance and given up because it seemed worthless. If it's working with these jackasses who copy-paste their notes and are literally lying, don't care to ask questions, and can't even properly diagnose then OF COURSE there's going to be negative stereotypes about therapy. It frustrates me. Because I know damn well that there are people who are, as stated above, getting paid double the money and aren't even doing meaningful work. Like....you don't deserve to have that title. You don't deserve that paycheck. It makes me sick. Hell, at DudeBros, I'm working with a guy (obviously I won't go into detail because of HIPAA confidentiality) but the guy has 3 other therapists working with his kid and the only thing they have come up with is that something bad happened at school to his kid and that's why he's losing his shit. Yet here I come, asking questions, and I piece together that: 1) It doesn't just happen at school. It also happens during sports/fun activities. It also happens while at home with no triggering event. 2) The behavior got worse when the child was introduced to a certain person in the family who has a history of violence and behavioral problems. It stands to conclude that the negative influence of the other person, who the kid looks up to, is telling the kid how to behave (because that's how the negative influence person behaved) and the kid is modeling this other person's behavior. Wouldn't THAT make more sense, instead of assuming the kid doesn't like school? Nah, a psychiatrist, occupational therapist, and someone from the kindergarten are all fucking oblivious to this. I asked if the child was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). The parent didn't even know what that was... I read the definition from the DSM-5 diagnostics manual and the parent goes, 'THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE HAS!' Yeah, but three other professionals can't figure it out... Another example: I have a client who was misdiagnosed as having Bi-Polar and was given MEDICATION for LITERALLY YEARS and was diagnosed by 5 different therapists until he got to me, and then I do evaluations with him, listen to him, and piece together that he has Borderline Personality Disorder and might not even NEED medication (my own supervisor was one of those 5 therapists) and ta-da, he went from flying into a rage and not knowing why, to getting a better job, quitting multiple addictive substances, and is working out daily and hitting up church groups and various Anonymous meetings. Like, part of me fucking LOVES that I'm always right and that literally everyone else in this field is wrong because it shows that I'm doing great at this profession, but at the same time I fucking HATE that I'm always right and everyone else is wrong because is shows just how god-awful this profession is with teaching people how to have deductive/inductive reasoning skills and empathetic and motivational conversations. Like, yes, I'm doing great at this....but also, holy shit, how am I the ONLY ONE who is doing great at this? But enough of that... A little bit of light. When I felt like there was literally one person I talked to for 5 minutes and somehow I have to spread this into a 4-hour work schedule where I feel totally useless, I suddenly get a text from the dude I shadowed a couple weeks ago. He tells me that there is someone on floor 4 who would benefit from treatment and he already talked to the owner of the company and they said I should work with her. Bingo. Got someone at least. I go in yesterday and meet with her and then I start my rounds with the 29 cases that are going nowhere.... ....except they suddenly went somewhere. Resident after resident was cognizant enough to carry on a conversation. I did a PHQ-9 with them and they had tangible score which meant they qualified for treatment. And when I did a mental status exam to see if they were able to retain information, a few of them were sharp enough to recall all the questions. Suddenly, I had clients! After a couple weeks of talking to people who were way too far gone with dementia, I suddenly had people on my list of 29 that I could do something with. I felt rejuvenated. Between the 4th floor client and a couple of assessments actually yielding results, I was getting somewhere. I went in early today with another list of people and half of them actually were able to be viable for treatment. Not only that, but there were two other people in the red binder on the 4th floor that had psychiatric requests which means they are a possibility too. It looks like the plan I wanted to have is suddenly working. Ladyfriend also decided to get this weird device that massages your knee - it sort of looks like a bike helmet and it straps around the knee and vibrates at these different speeds and spots. I honestly thought that nothing would come of it. But lo and behold, I was able to walk up a flight of stairs yesterday without being in excruciating pain and having my knee swell up. I did the knee device last night and I was on my feet for a couple hours today and went up and down the stairs a few times. It hurts right now, but not NEARLY as bad as just two days ago. I feel like I'm able to walk again, after almost two whole months of hobbling around like I'm 200 years old. Because of this, I felt more motivated to cook last night since I was able to, you know, STAND and not lean on the counter and feel like I was hit by a truck. I made some chicken thighs and burgers, as well as fried up some turkey kielbasa with red kidney beans. I got a couple of small yogurts and a bunch of fruit this past weekend so I made myself a protein fruit smoothie. The past 2 days have been like night and day for me. Monday I wasn't able to walk, was eating ice cream at 2am, waking up 4 times a night to go pee, and hating my life. Today I saw a bunch of clients, ate some chicken with buffalo cauliflower, and physically I feel fine. I'm excited to hit the gym tomorrow. I have another client to do a tele-health appointment with tonight and then I'm done with work for the week. I can go to the gym tomorrow and write up all my case-notes for all the new clients I'm able to see. This made me do some math and if DudeBros is able to give me just a couple more clients per week, with my projected hours; I might be able to take the LICSW exam around February. So I want to do the best I can and keep at this schedule. I'm not done with sorting the 29 clients at the nursing home yet, but based off of how many I already have, I think I'll be able to get a solid 10+ hours of work from this. Combined with DudeBros giving me just a couple more people, I'll be at 20+ hours a week which will mean I'll have all the hours needed to apply for the LICSW exam around February. I had a big talk with Ladyfriend about us being spread too thin between projects and she agreed. This past weekend we got most of the main upstairs sorted and put away. She decided to take the next 3 Fridays off so we can paint. The plan is to wash the ceilings and the bathroom walls in the next couple evenings. Then Friday we'll do the first coat of paint in the bathroom and paint the ceiling. We'll let the paint dry and then do the second coat on Sunday. Then the following week, wash the main room and paint that. She had no idea what colors to paint anything and she wanted my input. We're leaning towards 'raspberry pudding' for the bathroom color, and some sort of teal for the main room, instead of boring ass browns , off-whites, and grays that EVERYONE does. So amazingly, over the course of 48-ish hours, I went from hating my life, eating junk, getting no sleep, being in constant pain, and hating my job to being able to turn things completely around. I'll try to post again before the challenge ends, but I'm feeling like next challenge is going to be about maintaining the things I'm starting right now.

Video discussion response posted. BOOM! Edited to add: as long as I get a 41% or better on my final paper, I've got an A. Friends, I have never felt better.

You've hit the nail on the head, Friend. I'm glad to be exploring public philosophy again. I'm glad to be doing the research that I'm doing, and I feel blessed to be doing it with Philosopher James. I met with James this afternoon over lunch to do philosophy again, and we're coming to a good space about what it means to do philosophical research generall and how this fits my particular investigation. All of this feels satisfying and good. He's very adept at helping draw guardrails around the dissertation work and also identifying what we've come to refer to as Dr. Heidi In The World work, things like articles on the nature of access to information and how that has an impact on education, how AI will impact that, and what that means for pedagogy in a post-AI world. I met him initially in the public philosophy rooms, and he is like-minded. He sees the way that I'm crafting public philosophy into a revolution in education, and he digs it, but more importantly he gets it.This is helpful. Today I need to read the posts of my fellow classmates' discussions and make my final video post as a response. I'm actually looking forward to it, which is new. There's a lot of snippiness going on with Vivian's dad, shocking no one. It's all so predictable that I literally caught myself yawning while I was reading his latest missive, and that made me laugh. It's all such a farce, but it won't come to anything, really. The train has left the station. I have my first appointment with the new famiy counselor tomorrow (he tried to cancel it yesterday, and the office manager called to let me know that it was canceled and I asked if I could retain that appointment, please and thank you, and of course we did). I wrote to let him know that it was still scheduled and that I didn't appreciate or understand his continued dedication to stopping or delaying family counseling, but in any event, he is welcome to join me at the appointment tomorrow. His response: "Do not make appointments for my household. That has never been and will never be appropriate," which is when I caught myself yawning. I might make lemon rosemary chicken tonight and put together an IKEA bookcase. Might just nap. Life is good. ❤️

I did go and it was completely fine. I swam 1km with no negative effects other than a dry throat. It's a perfect spring day today. I am wearing a big, formal damask skirt for no reason other than it makes me happy while I read a book on the garden bench. Bliss.

Non-scale victory: My jellyfish shirt fits again!!

Overall feeling considerably better about everything today, despite not sleeping as much as I should have. Good quality sleep, just not enough of it, which is my standard these days. I had a surprisingly good day at work. Had a brief encounter with the Drama Llama in an early afternoon meeting, and handled it much better than last time (admittedly not difficult to do), and genuinely shrugged it off immediately after. Last week, after my little meltdown, H. patiently reminded me that since Drama Llama isn't actually above me in the hierarchy, I don't actually have to do what she wants, or even respond in kind when she pushes back against what I want to do. I can simply do what I'm supposed to do and leave it to her to figure out how to deal with it. So I'm testing that approach now. I'm also deliberately skipping the gym visit this evening to save energy and to do other mental-health things. Right as I left work, H mentioned that he really wants to have a quiet evening by himself, with as few interruptions as possible, since he also feels drained and needs to recover after the large amounts of socializing this weekend. So now he's sitting with his gaming PC in his room and I'm sitting with mine in my room, and he will let me know when our dinner gets here, and we will both have as much solitude as we can for the rest of the evening. Rivendell, here I come!

Mana (mindfulness/mental health) Meditated while drinking morning tea, before heading over to family event. Stamina (emotional energy) Colored a couple of pictures and did breathing exercises through the day.

Well, I've recently graduated from whiskey to chocolate... which I firmly believe is a step in a healthy direction. I refuse to give up the ice cream though. I have however made efforts to eat less of it, and less often. This became surprisingly easy once I realized that I can simply opt not purchase ice cream when we place our grocery orders. That would make you human then. HP (physical health) Preparing for gym later today... chest and upper back day today. There will be bench pressing and there will be barbell rowing, and possibly some accessories if there is time and energy for them. Mana (mindfulness/mental health) Finished meditating before coming here to check challenges. Stamina (emotional energy) Attended the weekly musical event again last night. Also did lots of breathing exercises and lots of coloring. Colored before meditating today, and will do more meditation later, because we have a busy weekend this weekend. This evening there is a family dinner for someone's birthday. Tomorrow there is brunch with family visiting from out-of-town, and after brunch I have a hair appointment. My cousin's funeral service was yesterday, and emotional margins and resilience reman gone. Gym will be helpful.

Maybe try starting smaller. I am basically trying to reduce sweet stuff in my diet, like sweet cereals, jam, cake, sweets, chocolate, sugared yogurts. That kind of thing. having a savory breakfast has really helped. Like scrambled eggs, omelette or fruit and greek yogurt. i havent cut out sugar completely, ive just picked fewer sweet snacks, try to be aware of what I'm choosing when out. Trying to pick fruit, nuts or a healthy snack instead of sugar. . do i manage to stick to it every week 😆 nope. Have i found i want to eat less sugar now. 100%. (Which is a big thing for me. Very sweet tooth) If you don't have the mental space to count cals, cutting down on sugar and highly processed foods is a good option. Basically what my brother is doing at the moment (and it is working for him).

Monday: Worked from home, went for an extended lunch break walk. Tuesday: Started working from home, until the technician from our internet provider came along (there was a broken coax cable apparently) to fix the internet issues we've had all week, then went to the office. Lunch break walk and another walk in the evening while Mrs. Movieman took TimovieDaughter to her swim class. Stayed up too late watching snooker. Wednesday: Worked from home, went for a lunch break walk, and an extended walk in the evening during TimovieDaughter's football practice. Technician came again because that cable wasn't the only problem - the issues had returned by Tuesday evening. We now have an entirely new modem. Wi-Fi 6 compatible instead of Wi-Fi 5. No more issues since then. Did two DailyDare exercises. The ones from Monday and Tuesday. Was going to do the Wednesday one too, but it would've been the third quad exercise in a row and I wasn't up for that. Didn't do it later at night either, because I was too sleepy. Today: Office, and a lunch break walk. Didn't bike to work for once, but went by car. TimovieSon has a football match in the evening. An away match. He's getting there with a class mate, but I'm going to go watch his game and bring him back home. Can't do that with my bike. It kind of annoyed me that, with all my colleagues complaining about traffic and all the road works everywhere - which is typical for an election year - I still got to the office 15 minutes faster than I would have by bike. It would've made me feel better about always biking to the office if the biking proved to actually be faster - I have a speed bike after all. Alas. Week so far: Week 5 M T W T F S S Intermittent fasting Calorie intake Calories spent Calories in/out deficit Curfew Sleep Avg. sleep 6h14 Steps Avg. steps 16.25K Distance 24.46 km Workouts 0.2 Days with (mini-)workouts 1 This is one of the prettiest logs I've ever had. Check out all the green!!! This week's track record would've been perfect without the Tuesday night snooker sleep deficit. Hopefully, I get to maintain this run of form for the rest of the week! In other news: holy shit, the line-up for the Alcatraz festival this summer is impressive! I'm marking all bands with red, orange, yellow, green and dark green during my preparation, to gauge how interested I am in watching them. Dark green basically means "I know and love these guys and come hell or high water, I'm seeing them live!". Last year there were 8 bands like that, this year it's only three (Lord of the Lost, Paradise Lost and Feuerschwanz). But I'm discovering a fuckton of bands that I either didn't know or only knew tangiantly, that I'm now marking green. I'm only 2/3rds of the way in my preparation, but I've already marked *far* more bands green than I did last year. There's also a lot less red and orange. That means that when they release their actual time table, I'll probably have to make some decisions about *which* band I'm going to see if two interesting ones are playing at the same time... 😅 Last year, I only had *one* moment in the entire weekend where I had to make an actual decision. I favoured Brutus over Killswitch Engage then. With all the green I'm marking now, I'll have a lot more decisions to make. And probably a lot less "downtime" where nothing really interesting is playing. I'll have a *very* busy weekend it seems. A lot of bands (even younger bands) that play "old school" metal or incorporate 80s influences, too. Even a few where I'm going "are these even hard enough for a metal festival?" - but since I'm not as much of a fan of the more extreme "death", "doom", "black" and "speed" metal subgenres, softer bands are far more up my alley. Including these ones: The Night Flight Orchestra. Never heard of them before. But they sound more like a classic rock band in the vein of Journey and Foreigner than a metal band. Which means I'm *definitely* going to go see them. 😎 The Night Flight Orchestra - Divinyls

I found using an app really helped me. Takes much of the legwork out of the calore counting. Im using lose it right now and its working really well for me as an app. Usually i burn out on calorie counting really quickly, but its made a big difference in lowering the usual monotony level. Might be worth a go. Reducing how much sugar i was eating is really helping too. sicking with stuff is hard when you feel tired. 100% been there. I like the monthly reset ethos thing on here though. It helps when you have a bad month and need another whack at something, no pressure, no feeling bad. I started out trying to do one full work out a week and failed pretty fast (CFS is a bitch) so im having a go with doing small isolated sets, like in the daily challenge thread (only easier ones, becuase some of the ones they post look so intimidating. I am not made for butterfly sit ups 😆). So one day i will do just 20 jug rows (or whatever my body decides is the cut of point) and that will be it for the day. Maybe something like that would work well for you too?

I really admire that you and H are able to be solitary with each other like that. I can see myself needing something like time away but I wouldn't know how to ask for it or even to trust that I could. That's really cool to me and something to strive for.

I have been there. Sometimes I feel like I'm still there despite my weight loss. When I was struggling with my feet I started doing chair workouts. Darebee has a few, maybe that's an option?

Oh wow, that sounds like it's gonna be a lot of fun. I really like that you don't know everyone's classes yet too. What system is it? 3.5e?

Whelp, there's that. I have officially received notification that I am going to be laid off. Unless either I or the managers find a new position for me, I have a job through the end of June and then I will be unemployed. At the moment, I'm pretty much numb, likely because of how worried I've been for the last week. In some ways, it's a relief to at least have an answer and a date. But, now there's a whole mountain of other things that need to happen that I don't have time for, and a giant new pile of worries. Which I need to balance with the responsibilities I already have that are currently taking a lot of my time and I am in the process of dropping several balls of dealing with. So yeah. I am not ok. In good news, I got to try a couple of the things we were working on in the clinic on Sunday during practice last night, and they worked. So that was cool.

I don't know how to do things, otherwise. I have a weekly and monthly check-in with This Week's List and the Master List, but other than that, I can't hold all the everything in my head while also working on what's right in front of me. I hope you find some clarity, balance, and peace. I think you're doing great. WOW! I had never heard of this before either. It sounds like a blend with alpaca will be gorgeous. What weight will it be when spun up? Also, I love this fiber craft. I don't spin, but I swear I could watch someone spin for hours. It's like a hearth fire for my soul. I do, and am doing, this too. Right now I have four (five?) bags of ToBeSorted items stacked in front of my bedroom door in the hopes that they will get in the way enough to get sorted. Most stuff needs to get donated. The sad truth is that these moving bags all sat under my bed in the previous apartment for a couple years, and clearly I wasn't using anything in them, so in theory I could just walk them wholesale to a donation spot and be done with it, and never miss what's inside. Having sat for so long, I I have no clue what is in them and I'm intimidated to even open the bag's zipper. Thank you for your reveiw of A Monk's Guide to a Clean House and Mind by Shoukei Matsumoto. It was on my TBR list, and the assumptions you point out are disappointing and, in what I've read of many such books, all too common. Concensus is hard work, and it seems to take daily shoring up, which is its own full time job. It's exhausting, and so often it's less work to just be the one to clean up instead of making everyone else fall in line with their chores. I'm cheering you on and commisserating with you in equal measure.

Many many thanks. It was needed for sure. Thank you, Dearest ❤️ I had it but it wasn't easy, that's for sure. Quick update. Been busy this morning. A bit better of a wakeup but still was quite groggy and dreading getting out of bed. Easier than yesterday and once I was up and moving, I felt better. Yesterday it took until nearly lunchtime to feel somewhat alive and coherent (just in time for madness to hit and hit all at once it did). Knocked out a back workout. I upped a couple exercises a tiny bit on the last set just for a bit of progress/progressive overload, but honestly I've nearly found my max for those sets/reps on back. Doesn't help my upper back has been horribly sore since Tuesday and I'm not sure why. Oh well. Arms tomorrow and I think the Man goes back Friday for a shorter legs part 2 workout that I might join him on. Maybe I can finally get on the machines I missed and knock out some hip thrusts I haven't been able to squeeze in like I wanted. Food is good so far. Hitting macros even if the meals aren't so veggie filled. I'm learning what the balance looks/feels like in my body and next week I can get healthier recipes on the docket. That's assuming I don't travel which there's a good chance I will. It's still up in the air right now so I'm not sure if it's only a couple days or the full week. Will need to be flexible and quick reacting to whatever comes up. Hope I'll know before the weekend since I don't want to buy a bunch of groceries for them all to go bad because I'm not here to eat them. I have a tentative meal plan for the week but I may adjust it further to balance out waste (example: I'm using 1/2lb of ground chicken but it only comes as 1lb packs so I'm "wasting" 1/2lb of chicken if I don't find a way to sneak it into another meal). I hate this part of the job - last minute travel never goes smooth in the personal life. I didn't have a lunch break yesterday and had to stuff my face with lunch (so quickly my stomach hurt for 20 minutes after) between meetings (10 mins or less to prep/heat and eat). Ended up finally finishing up calls and tasks enough I could take a walking break at 330pm with the dogs. Due to the stress and the sheer amount of madness, meditation did not happen. I tried. Oh did I try. It just did NOT go well. Too much floating around. It did help recenter me, though, and I was able to come back to the computer a little more focused and alert. I got everything except Meditation and Full Moon Ritual done yesterday, though. Whew. Today I've knocked out Rune/Oracle and my Full Moon Tarot spread. I still need to "read" the spread, but the time consuming part is done. Will Greet the Day once I hit post and go let the dogs inside. Trying to walk during lunch again and hopefully can properly meditate today. No MBA stuff. I worked late since the only time to have a call was after 5pm and then dinner. The Man wasn't happy but I gotta get this project done. Hopefully I can get something started tonight with him. Budget is good. I'm going to the bank today to get the money to pay back Fam. My new credit card came in the mail so I activated it and immediately blocked the card so it cannot be used (by others or myself because I don't need to be increasing credit card debt any more!) I think that's really all I have. I hope the lights aren't too bright but not too dim for you ❤️

I do this from time to time. not that im a big user anyway, but it is far too easy to doom scroll on there and screw over your mood for the entire day/week. My preffered cure for brain bad chemistry days. Good music. Hopefully one of the above is to your taste 😄 sadly i had to make the choice many years ago (due to the CFS) between either being well informed on current events or my mental and physical health as my mood effects my health and energy levels so massively. I stick my head in a news site vaguely once a month (energy permitting) its all i can manage. So im not 100% on which piece of news it is (seems hard to pick at the moment to me) but sending big hugs

You are so right. I have a lot of sympathy for Spinoza who turned down the offer of being a professor and chose to remain a lens-grinder and counted that as freedom. After I read Kim Tolley's Professors in the Gig Economy (a collection of really great essays), I had an a-ha moment that it wasn't just me and it wasn't just this town and or that organization -- academia is in its death throes and I would be better off launching my public philosophy series and writing a grant based on its success. This is not hyperbole: A community college adjuct professor in my town earn $750/credit hour or $2,250/course (IF the class doesn't get canceled, in which cse the lion's share of prep work and time commitment has already happened, but the professor gets paid nothing). A Teaching Assistant at my University makes $12,000 a year (and also gets tuition forgiven, but I don't really care about that since I'm nearly in a post-tuition moment). I could easily write a grant for the public philosophy series that is more in line with a TA income than an adjunct professor, and that's the moment that I knew that I would likely never join the academia circus. My long term plans were never about being "an academic," thank goodness. The only reason I'm a grad student now is becuase I have a sense of real urgency about the timeliness and importance of what I'm researching. I am looking forward to going back to having my intellectual investigations be a hobby amongst friends. You know how I love the Raconteurs, especially this album. Have you heard the live version of "Level?" It just blows me away, every time.

Hey all. Been a real whirlwind challenge. Saturday night we had 10 people over somehow all in the living room. Drinking / music / horror films. 2am and people still going, i drank alcohol free beer until 1.30am - then moved onto tea HAHA Funny and strange to be sober, with a cup of tea, whilst everyone else is doing tequila shots!!!! 😯 Everton won on Sunday for the first time in forever. And we hung out with our friend all afternoon/evening. Took Bronze who had a blast with their dog. I went to the docs, they think i have tendonitis. So need to get ibuprofen gel. me and Roxy are going to try to eat less meat. I have got some veggie chicken to try tonight. I hope i like it. Its the main thing i never liked (i prefer veggie mince and i like veggie sausages etc but never found chicken that i like) It is a new one so fngers crossed. Love you all xx

W4D7: one DPZ in the morning. I fasted until the evening, then I ate a light dinner. That seemed to jumpstart the hunger sharks again, and my subsequent evening snacking ran the day's total almost up to target. 1706 kcal for the only green day of the week. Week 4 Check-in: 214.6 lbs on the scale, which is a little higher than I anticipated. Looks like this is going to be my first challenge since respawning that ends higher than it started. That was bound to happen eventually. W5D1: one regular DrP and a bunch of DPZs. Eating was way high. Morning was consumed with church duties, which was nice, then I did some shopping on the way home. I spent the afternoon and early evening in the kitchen doing meal preps (week's lunches and Sunday family dinner), then the rest of the day was just chilling with games and YouTube. W5D2: woke up cruddy again and took another sick day. I stuck to one DPZ in the late morning, but I didn't bother to rein in my calories and I didn't do anything for Move either. Spent the whole day on the couch surfing YouTube and eating all the remaining gluten-free foods and snacks I bought/made over the weekend. I was finally able to get a good night's sleep without any cold medicine last night, and I woke up this morning feeling much better. Let's hope that translates to a good streak for the remainder of this week.

Good news, my mammogram results came back and they are fine! I'm also looking at my hair today and am really glad I made the appointment. I really don't know what went wrong here. It looks like one haircut stacked on another haircut. I think I may come out of it with one length. Last week I said I think I need a break, but I wasn't sure what that meant. What I really want to do is take the summer offline. I want to go play outside, eat popsicles and read books and work on my art a lot. I'm stuck in caregiving mode right now, and I don't need to be and that's super stressful. Everyone passed all their healthy tests so we can relax this summer. I want to really stop and remember what being an artist feels like. Also, I want to have fun. I don't feel very fun these days. I feel grouchy and irritable and withdrawn. I also need a break from thinking about weight loss and obsessing about my health. I just want to exercise and eat well and not think about scales, blood pressure, heart rates, and evaluating all my choices that week and what I need to do next week. With Bert the nephew coming to live with us in the fall, I feel like taking this time to kinda reset is really important so I feel really relaxe and good about me when he comes in and pees on the toilet seat and I say "Bert, if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat." Honestly, even without him coming to live here, I need a break so that's what I'm going to do. I'm gonna make art, go outside and play, and relax from May to September. I'm really excited for this! Now the important bit: popsicle flavors! What's your favorite? I love orange and grape!

Week 4 wrap up! Goal 1 : "Turn Around": Continuing habit of Bible before screen Goal 2: "Bright eyes" Levelling up on habit of getting out workout clothes, now that winter's past and" I'm no longer living in the dark", goal is to actually get dressed before breakfast .First half of challenge I'm aiming for 2/5 days. then I will go for 3/5 I haven't really tracked how many days, but I have been consistent. Goal 3: "Every now and then I get a little restless and dream of something wild:" Give myself time to dream. Chatting with @Harriet about how too much screen time sucks out our creativity. I want more time to dream and be creative. No screens (unless I'm using them for creativity in something tangible like scrapbooking) from 1-4 in the afternoon Well, this has been a bust. I think I jumped too far out of my comfort zone, and burnt out on this goal. We shall call this a learning lesson. 😉 I did set the timer on my Instagram use, so it notifies me when I've surpassed the limit.I set it super high last week, just to get a slow start. I set it for a bit less this week. I think this is the method I will try next challenge. Goal 4 : "Together we can make it to the end of the line" I'm continuing my reverse diet. Right now I'm at a good point with my calories , so I just plan on maintaining that. After we return from our trip, the following Monday I will start my cut. Plan is to continue tracking calories and keep at it for 6 weeks Kept to my deficit goal- EVEN OVER THE WEEKEND- sadly, the scale did not reward me, but I made good habits. This week my deficit goal is 400 calories a day Also went to friend's house and worked on scrapbooking. I'm almost done, so hoping to use that as momentum to finish my book

Yesterday I was another write off day. I procrastinated everything. And then I got frustrated. And I procrastinated some more by thinking about productivity. Classic. But it gave me some ideas. A while back I was listening to a podcast with Steven Pressfield who wrote the War of Art and his solution to fighting the Resistance was to become a Professional. So I asked myself how could I possibly have been good at my job despite my chaos, what tools did I use, what enabled my productivity. It might not have been exactly conventional, but it was very flexible and worked for me. - I had a single to do list, which I constantly reprioritized. - I'd put down any random interruptions, thoughts, ideas and questions on the to do list as they came up. The list was equal part brain dump as to do. - I broke down tasks in as small steps as needed. For tasks I procrastinated a lot I kept breaking down the steps until I found a tolerable entry point. - I never planned for how long something would take, or exactly when I'd do it, it was all based on priority. (Admittedly not always popular with management) - I selected tasks based on mood, as long as it was near the top of the priority list. If I was feeling tired or procrastinatey I'd choose some low hanging fruit, or something I could do without thinking until I got into the groove. - I left breadcrumbs before leaving work for the day, both in the code and in my todos so I wouldn't forget what I was doing and so it'd make starting easier the next day. - Sometimes I'd get straight to productive work, sometimes it took me some time to get into it, and some days I'd just write off and hang out in the kitchen and bake cookies. But this was never a problem since on average I got a lot of shit done. - My slacking time was still somewhat work focused though. Like I might dick around a lot, but I'd still reply to messages and actively procrastinate work tasks. I was never able to completely do something else during work hours, so eventually I'd get bored or want to get at least something done before the day ended. - I never expected the to do list to end. - I never expected to do things "perfectly" because it's fundamentally not how you work in tech. - If my colleagues annoyed I'd change room, if I couldn't focus in my flat I'd go to a coffee shop. Things I didn't use, that incidentally have never worked in my private life: - Schedules, time blocking, complicated systems with a lot of documents/tags etc, step by step chronological plans, time trackers, todos determined in advance... Differences compared to work: - There's no clear priority on my personal life, everything I do is a side quest. At work I prioritized based on urgency, who I wanted to help most, business needs... And when I didn't know or had very conflicting prioritized I forced someone else to make the call. - There's nothing at stake. I mean there is, it's my life, but I don't feel it. Even if there's deadlines or financial incentives I don't feel it. - I don't have much personal accountability. Nobody relies on my work. Also not entirely true, but again I don't feel it. - At work the tasks are within my competence. And on the few occasions I couldn't solve something I didn't take is a personal failure, but asked one of the very smart and knowledgeable people I worked with and we'd solve it together. - There's fewer emotional tangles to deal with at work. My idea based on all this is to set aside whole days to just one thing and treat it like work. Now a big problem is that it takes me forever to get started, and if something happens while I'm trying to get started I get distracted by things or people and then I have to restart the umm getting started process. But maybe if a whole day would be an art day I could start by the equivalent of low effort reading emails, say watching an art video or render an already started painting. And just immerse myself as much as possible. Still need to do a bit of thinking about how to prioritize random projects and things like that, but I think this has potential to work?

It was definitely in the latter. My hair stylist's scalp massage skills might be a big factor there. 😇 The family time was nice and fun, since this is family that we like. It was energy draining none the less, but not in a bad way, just in a tiring one.

Yesterday: Still no luck with the bike, nobody has a large enough spanner! Tomorrow I'll try the bike shop down the road. Then handstand training. My balance was absolute trash so I quickly switched to conditioning work. Not unexpected after a decent last session. But the upper back buuuurn, holy that was unexpected! The rest of the day was a bust, I don't really know what happened.

Vivian had a sore throat when she woke up this morning and her voice was gone. A day of tea and television and rest and plenty of good food did wonders, and she was feeling much better by the time the sun went down. We are currently watching something called My Hero Academia, an animated series based on a Manga of the same name, and I’m digging it more than I thought I would. I took a nap while she took a nap around noon, and now, weirdly, I can’t sleep. There are also a million things on my mind, which never helps, but I feel like it’s a case of basic insomnia calling forth the issues instead of the other way around. I bought tickets for a classical guitar concert tomorrow afternoon, and invited Nic as well, so the three of us will walk to the concert center down the block and have an afternoon of music before Vivian goes home. There’s a huge music festival this weekend that I had totally forgotten about, something called “Down By Downtown,” and apparently it’s the hippest thing since Woodstock (not really, but it’s being touted as such) and the whole of downtown is in a huge crush. I’m very glad we’re doing classical music and that we can walk to the concert hall. All in all it looks like it will be a lovely day. I have a lot of thoughts on things, none of which are probably as big and important as they feel right now, which is another layer of thought that gets thrown over the whole mess. I’m not sure if or when or how I’ll get to sleep tonight. On nights like this, it usually happens when I’m not looking, so I guess this calls for getting up and making a pot of tea and possibly reading some more of Fahrenheit 451. I’m about halfway through, and it’s getting really interesting.

Gotcha. It sounds like you're feeling better doing what you're doing, so I wouldn't want to present my advice as something to challenge what you're doing or to replace it or anything like that. Maybe just another optional approach, if you want: RE: the calf raises, I would suggest maybe doing a set of single-leg straight-leg calf raises of similar volume, since they apparently hit the calf muscle a bit different and a mix of these along with bent leg can have some therapeutic/bulletproofing effects. If you're comfortable, you can build up to doing these at a deficit too, so you do these over a longer range of motion. Or you can add weight to these. Or both. Also, I'd advise experimenting with tibial raises. Tibs work out to being a kind of balancing structure against the calves, and they're a stabilizer for sudden changes in running, like when you run up and have to gather your legs under yourself to spring. You could totally superset these with the calf raises: both movements will draw blood and metabolites to the affected regions and may promote healing over a long enough period of time. RE: the single-leg squats, I do pretty much the same thing right now. It's dope. My approach has been to do them touchdown style off an elevated surface. At first, I had to use a stick to help deload the movement, and I would step down from a stair onto a yoga block. I'm now doing that without the stick. My next step from here is to play with height; if I can't go lower without pain even with assistance, then I'll be switching up to adding sets for a while at my present height. I dunno what yours look like yet; if you can do pistols, you're probably a lot stronger with these than I am, but hopefully this gives you something useful in terms of assistance and avoiding pain. If you're comfortable with it - if you can find a high enough surface and enough assistance - maybe try doing some split squats with an emphasis on driving the knee forward. Go up on the ball of that front foot. Get real deep into it. Again, though, physical comfort is key; if you can't do this without any kind of pain at all, it's not a good idea and you should avoid this tip. Yeah, as someone who's on a 3x per week approach, I can confirm that you're pretty much obligated to make the kneehab its own thing at that dosage. It's up to you. You'd definitely get more volume on 3x per week and 3-5 sets per exercise, but more is only better to a point, and past that it's... not. So, I dunno. I'd honestly say to give your present program 12 weeks or so and see if you feel better or worse. Unless something changes suddenly out of nowhere, there's no reason not to take what benefit you can while you can. You can always add volume later. Yeah, I'd probably watch those weight-bearing ankle circles if I were you. I'd advise finding a ROM that doesn't aggravate your knee and just kind of hang around there for a bit. As you develop and remold those tissues, you should find that your pain-free ROM increases. That borderline isn't something to run away from, to be clear: it's something to run up to and push on so that it expands. TL;DR, sounds like you're doing fine and you're in good hands. If you want to play more, there's stuff you can do. Just don't work to pain or through pain. Burning in the muscles and ligaments is good. But in the joint? No good.

I've been stressed out lately because I'm nervous about my check up with my doctor. My cholesterol was a little high last time, but I also ate meatloaf and a cheeseburger the days leading up to my bloodwork, so I kinda want to get that test done again in a few months. and my BP isn't awesome. But I HAVE lost weight since my last visit. My doctor is really nice, and she never makes me feel bad, this feeling of test anxiety before our visit is all on me. It doesn't help that I have not met my goals for this month at all. I have an action plan, and I have ignored it. I finally sat down this weekend to set up Habitica to remind me what is really important to me, and I figure I may have to go in and switch things up now and then so I don't get lazy, but this is good for now 30 more cardio minutes to reach todays goal! I also need a green leafy and a whole grain, so dinner will definitely feature salad. I also realized today I'm stressed out about my nephew living with us while he goes to school and driving my car around. I've been busy and distracted a lot in the last couple weeks, and adding one more person to the mix is just gonna be hard for me. So I'm working on making everything easier for me. It's all about small changes for example, every night I throw my dirty clothes in a pile, and then pick them up the next day and put them in the hamper. So I moved the hamper to where the pile happens, and it's already awesome. I'm not using up so many spoons before I've had coffee. I've also created a "housework" calendar so when i do something, i just add it to the calendar adn then set it to repeat as often as the thing needs doing. so weekly, monthly, every 3 months, annually. it's in the calendar. This is easier than me making a schedule then not sticking to it. LOL.

Week 4 so far Monday was a good day. Art was done, can't remember what I sketched but it was something. Kneehab done at Crossfit, which was deadlift day. Deadlifts felt heavy as fuck, so I stopped at 140kg (308#) x 5. I managed a 100ft sandbag carry at 110kg (242#) though, which is pretty cool. Also had a nice lunch with a colleague, and a physio call in the evening to agree the MRI. Tuesday was a good day. Art was a quick sketch of something at the aforementioned Pathfinder horror show. Which reminds me, I need to put a new colour of ink in my fountain pen to match my next character. Kneehab was done before my morning bike ride. Calories were high, as we had cheese and biscuits for dinner and I had a couple of beers at Pathfinder. Wednesday was a good day. Art was not done, but Kneehab was done at Crossfit. My knee felt a bit weird doing squats at Crossfit, so I kept it medium weight at 90kg (198#) x 3, 80kg x 5, 75kg x 7. Then we had pistol squats, and I got to show off the results of a couple of months of kneehab exercises by busting out 5 reps of pistol squats in front of everyone. They were suitably impressed, which was vindicating. It was also a fairly busy day - I had a guy round to price up some carpets, booked in my MRI, spent a bunch of time on the phone to insurance trying (and failing) to get the MRI signed off after I'd booked it, and went to help my dad plant his tomato plants for the year. Dad was on quite good form, and was able to do a lot of the planting himself, which was good. Then bouldering, and home for a lovely pork paprikash cooked by WW. Thursday was a good day. Art was some sketches of hats in front of the TV (yes, really). Kneehab was done at Crossfit, which was sandbag loads, power cleans, and wall balls. After work I had quick call with a different physio, who needed to sign off on my MRI scan to get it covered by the insurance. Ended up staying at work quite late with all the faffing on insurance in the day, and then spent a bunch of time on a very easy, very scary bit of DIY: hanging a mirror. The mirror in question is 1.14m (3'9") across and quite expensive, so the moment when I hung it on two screws I'd stuck into our aging walls was a bit tense! So far it hasn't fallen off the wall, so I think we're ok. All that made dinner quite late, so WW whipped up some quick paneer burgers. Yesterday was a good day. Art was a late night sketch of my feet (hey, it all counts!) whilst I was sat on the sofa watching Free Guy. I've never seen it before, but really enjoying it - it had a little more depth than I really expected from a silly-concept, Ryan Reynolds comedy. Kneehab was done at Crossfit, which I haven't written down but definitely included overhead press, bench press, and weighted chinups. Worked late again, and still didn't get everything done I wanted, but had to call it at a reasonable time so we could go to the supermarket. Ended up having a late night watching the film, which meant a lie in this morning.

Thanks, Mistr. I feel much more like myself. Game was great! Thanks, Heidi. Houseguest is away and I am much more relaxed. ❤️ I love this artist so much. The whole series is so great. Thanks, Sea-to-sky. Birthday lasagna is amazing. And it has a layer of dry cured pepperoni under the top layer of cheese which is unusual and highly decadent. Thanks, Snarky! *scribbles notes frantically* I mean, of course! Yes, thankfully. lol Yup, all gone! I am enjoying the morning, I work at 11 today. Hopefully he packs and such while I am at work so we can spend the evening together. Blue skies! Hooray! ❤️ Morning Friends! Oh my goodness this having the house to ourselves is just SO LOVELY. *happy sigh* Now to get back on track for the last week of this challenge! I think today will be an easy day and I will start to square up a bit tomorrow after Dave heads out. I will have time to get my house tidy and some of my habits on track and see where it goes from there. I had been painting my Xorn for last night’s game yesterday morning when Dave texted and said he needed to take me to work an hour and a half early so he could be in a meeting. So I packed up my painting kit, planning to finish my figures at work and then start my shift. Except when I got there it was super busy so I ended up working right away. I am not mad about it because the extra money will be nice, but it did mean that I was frantically trying to paint eyes on my Xorn during my 15 minute break. *lol* Speaking of money I checked in on the Visa this morning and we are finally under the $29k mark that we have been holding steady at for the past while. I am so grateful that we didn’t put any money on the card while Houseguest was here. I used it to pay for a friend’s birthday present this morning, but I have the tip money I need to cover it so I will deposit that on Monday and apply the payment. I am finding that while I am definitely having my magpie moments (omg, I want so many sets of dice right now, it’s a little absurd) I am doing really well with my no spend. It is actually helping to remind myself that the debt reduction is more permanent than the stuff I want (or at least I am telling myself it is) and that I can have it later. In the nature of capitalism, maybe the exact things I want won’t be available, but other things that I will like will be. In other money talk, the Canadian government is issuing lump sum payments to disabled individuals and apparently the Bipolar qualifies. Something something tax credit? I admit, I don’t understand the mechanics of it, but it has the potential to be a *lot* of money. Like tens of thousands. It feels like a scam somehow, but my psych is aware of it and willing to help me fill out the paperwork needed to apply and my Dad and Aunt have both been after me to do it, so it seems very valid. My Aunt applied on my cousin’s behalf (he has ADHD) and got something like $12k back and a tax credit status that rolls forward each year, apparently forever? Friends, it seems way too good to be true but bet your butts I am going to try for it and see what comes of it. I am so well medicated that I don’t feel disabled most of the time, but as my Dad pointed out, where would I be without my meds? Certainly not holding down a job, married, etc. I would definitely be homeless and possibly dead if the suicidal ideation actually got me particularly badly at some point. It’s wild to think about. Anyway, cross your fingers for me that I get some kind of news about that in the future. My appointment to fill out the paperwork is in May and then it will probably take a few months to process. I am caffeinated and ready to face the day. I hope that you are likewise forward facing and full of verve. May the sun shine brightly on you at some point today and envelope you in warmth. Thanks for being here. ❤️

Turnip Boy answers to no one. Good idea, but I don't think there's enough airflow. Also I don't have a fan. The sensible thing would be to wear a mask but when I'm in cleaning mode it turns into a full-blown workout and I don't want to deal with the breathing and it getting in the way. I'll just suffer and try and keep the sessions short.

I like the way you think! Hi Friends, Another quick one here, I got some papers to edit! I woke up and repeated the 60 minute walk + run from Peloton app. I felt much better about this one from the last one. Not sure if it was my mindset (I started to talk about dreading it and stopped it to tell myself it was going to be a good run and I can stop anytime if it becomes too much without there being an issue). Managed a solid 4.4 miles but in these hills that's a lot, especially since it's a pyramid and equal parts run and walk: 1 min walk, 1 min run, 2 min walk, 2 min run all the way up to 5 mins of each and then back down to 1 min each. Plus warmup and a minute cooldown. I took the dogs for a walk after to cool down further and make them happy (they were pouty and mad because I went on a "walk" without them) Food is good. My beef (venison) and broccoli turned out really delicious and I have some left over for lunch today. The Man is going to make me some fish tonight for dinner (he makes it on the stove, I've only ever made it baked. His is delicious though). I had PB oats with blueberries this morning after my run and a banana before my run. The banana didn't sit well until about 20 minutes it, but at the end I was glad to have it since I didn't have my usual cramps or lightheadedness. Editing papers for the Man today and getting an outline to better describe what the BigProject is which is due next weekend for the Man to do. He's got an A in both classes and we're coming up on the end! Whee~ Mundane Magic is going well. I've slacked these last few days on Rune and Oracle but the other habits and rituals are doing well which is important. Budget .... well I spent a good chunk hiring a coach. It's $200 a month for 4 months or $700 for 4 months which is where we're starting me off. Typically it's 6 months but I'm ahead of the game with my knowledge and the fact I already have a fairly healthy routine in place. I took the discount and paid up front. Plus that locks me in for 4 months to get my money's worth and I need that level of accountability. Our primary focus is nutrition since it's where I feel the least confident and need the most help. I will have some help/guidance on exercise and mindset, too, though, which is nice. This is an investment in my health. It's significantly pricier than my monthly gym membership but now that is switched over to the First Responder rate (free), that frees up a bit of money as well. I feel like I can pay off that card in a fairly short time and be able to take advantage of the discount over spending the $200/month. I'm also hoping getting help with nutrition (specifically meal planning in a way that I'm not tossing 2-3 days worth of food because I'm absolutely sick of it) will help me reduce my grocery bill to help make up for the cost. It all works together in the end. Anyway, I gotta go edit this paper now so I can attempt to meal plan (coach gave me a great idea on our call today that I think I'm going to implement next week). Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy/stormy so I think I'm going to try to get groceries then in case Sunday turns out nice enough (supposed to be a bit chilly) we can kayak and/or fish. Love you all sooooo much ❤️ Thanks for sticking with me through this super hectic time with work

Hey all, We have been doing alright at sticking to our meal plan. Mr.R added in a few items he wants over the weekend like a deep dish pizza and a burrito from a place nearby we haven't tried? I only know 1 place where they have that. Which it's his money so he's more than welcome to get that stuff if that is what he wants. I haven't seen Daisy this week but that is okay. There were only 2 nice days and I was at my parents working for both of them. I didn't feel like going on the other days because it was raining. I was supposed to go back to my parents today but that only thing she really wants done today is to start moving her donate piles out of the house but it's raining and aside from that she isn't really sure. I have learnt from past experiences that it's better just to stay home if she isn't sure about what she wants to do because then I just sit there twiddling my thumbs and waiting around for her. My plan today is to work on my coding projects and continuing learning Angular / applying what I have learnt to projects.

Wow, yeah, that sounds really full on. I'd like to give something like that a go - I appreciate that sticking a blindfold on for a few hours is not the same as experiencing what it's like to live as a blind person, but it sounds like it would still be a thought-provoking experience. Yeah, it's a fair point, I shall try not to get too hopeful. It's just such an usual presentation of symptoms, I'd like to get more than contradictory guesses from different physios. That would be great, thanks so much for the offer. So at the moment, physio exercises are: - single-leg, bent-leg calf raises - 1x20ish - single-leg squats, focusing on glute engagement, straight back, knees not tracking past toes - 1x12ish Doing that every day is easy, I mostly do them betweent sets at the gym, and as it's only 1 set of each it doesn't take long if not. The call I had with a different physio to book the MRI suggested doing them less than daily (maybe 3x per week), but doing 3-5 sets. I haven't implemented that yet; would need to find a good way to fit it in. Unrelated, the single leg squats are definitely doing something even with low volume, because my pistol squats have improved about 500% in the last 2 months. I also decided last weekend to try and do some ankle exercises when I've got free evenings sat on the sofa - specifically these ones from GMB: https://gmb.io/feet/ . So far I've only done them twice, but it feels like even a couple of times per week they might be useful. I've also noticed that doing the ankle circles whilst weight bearing on the ball of my foot seems to aggravate the same area of my knee as running, which is interesting. My gym coach has got me doing eye focusing exercises, which are in theory 20 seconds 3x per day (actually doing 1-2). In terms of general exercise, I'm in a crossfit-style gym Mon, Wed, Thurs, Fri (1 hour each), and I go cycling Tues, Sat, Sun (probably 2 x 40 minutes and 1 x 90-120 minutes). I also go bouldering Wed and Sat, for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours of chilled-out climbing.

Hey all. I am so stressed out. Ex landlord is being an absolute WANKER. trying to get 2.5k off us now. WTF. i want to put all his windows in. I hate him. I am trying to not let it affect me too much but my head is banging. I have 4 meetings this afternoon plus some essay work to do for someone. I am desperate for alcohol or drugs to numb things. But i am 10 months sober today, so i guess i should stick at it. x

Training Performance Report Officer: Sara Kingdom Date: 18/04/24 Department: Special Assessment Unit Physical Formae Daily Crura impello Arma scindere Scindere practice set Bonuses Boxing practice Dance Visit genii locorum Support Electrolytes Hydration Meds Vitamins Meds. Vitamins. Working on hydration. Scindere practice set. All but one, because you said not to overdo it. Oh, well done. Score: 1.5 Mental Formae Tool Reversal of desire Gratitude flow Cue Avoiding a task, restless, distracted Any negative thinking; during daily wrap-up Score: Recovery 2 hours practice, start before noon. 6-8 hours sleep. In bed by midnight I got six hours! It took a lot of work. And a lot of time. Score: 1 Silentium Mentis Mindfulness Metta Cast a magical circle or ground energy Score: Home Front Reintegration Yoga nidra Podcast Yoga (regular) Yoga nidra. Score: 1 Record Keeping Make a daily plan Journal practice Make a weekly and monthly plan I made a new plan when my daily plan didn't work. Adaptation is an art. Score: 1 Spring Cleaning Make a daily plan Project work Make a weekly project plan I have a plan. Five minutes each in the two problem zones. Score: 1 Space reserved for office use Date rec'd: Initialed by: Form ID: Zulu Foxtrot 18.C.68-v2-Jun-1977 (ZF.18.C.68/1977.06) (Supercedes form 64B from Nov 1932) For internal use only. Sensitive records. Not to leave the Folly.

I went to Durham! It was so restorative and amazing, as always, to be in that town and to be with Kathi and Tim. They are just brilliant, and being in their company was like being able to breathe fully. It’s astonishing to us all that I am not a librarian or professor at Duke, something we would all like to see me fix very soon. Coming back to Roanoke felt like letting the air out of my sails, as it often does. But I love the apartment, and I slept well. This morning, work was work, and I was calm through it all, which is nice. Apparently there are major changes afoot that aren’t being talked about, which seems to happen at least twice a year, and I’m just at the point where I can’t be bothered to get into a snit about it. I logged out and went to the dentist. I love my dentist, and she did such a great job smoothening over the cracks. Here’s to lots more smiles.

I invited Nic to go with me to the concert tonight, and we're looking forward to it. I haven't done much this afternoon, and I'm kind of okay with that (I mean, being at work is enough, right?). My house is clean. The homework will get done when it gets done. ❤️

Whew! We lived to tell the tale. Thank you! I was both in equal, abundant measure. ❤️ Thank you! ❤️ I had a hard time getting to sleep, what with the wind and all the inspiration swirling around, and then, suddenly, I was out like a light. This is the Way. I'm settled and calm and content this morning. Yesterday's storms left everything a bit debris-laden under the calm cool sky, perring down like an unpreturbed cat who can't imagine how the vase got broken. This is a delightful end to the week. I need to write a paper today. It's not due until Sunday, but I'd like to send it this afternoon so that I'm not feeling it tug at my sleeve while I'm visiting over the weekend. I have most of it written and only need to incorporate feedback from the last paper. This is the Way. Some upcoming appointments have been scheduled at long last, and this is good. Speaking of appointments and meetings, I'm getting together with Ben on Tusday evening to go over pinball scoring software and spreadsheets. We're meeting at the library, which is always nice. I scheduled a meeting room so we can have the space to take our time and talk through everything as I get my feet under me with the league scoring. The Summer league will launch soon, and the first get together is June 10.

The craft talk was so so good. It was exactly what my soul needed. Based on this essay by Jericho: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/harriet-books/2016/02/to-be-asked-for-a-kiss Vivian sent me a song she wrote, and my tax preparer sent the final forms for approval. My heart is full and my life-tasks are done for the day. Think I’ll watch some crap tv and call it a day. ❤️

I definitely took last night to myself, and it was overdue. I woke up feeling refreshed and well and ready to face the day, and that was a lovely change since before getting ill. Tonight I have a craft seminar (Poetry as Survival: Reading Langston Hughes' Suicide Note with Jericho Brown) and I think the only other thing I'm going to take on is the half-built IKEA project. Tomorrow evening is a classical music concert, and then Saturday morning I leave for Durham for the weekend. Down time and reflection are vital, sacred activities. ❤️

Friends, it's been a busy few days. The weekend visit with Vivian was delightful. We played Catan and watched movies and workshopped a story she's writing and started assembling an IKEA piece, then left it halfway. Emily dropped by yesterday to pick up a package that had been delivered here instead of at her new address, and it was a lovely hit-and-run visit that was connected and genuine and wonderful. More of this. Nic and I went to view the eclipse on Monday afternoon, then I slept for many hours -- I think I just needed to wallow in restfulness. He came over yesterday to celebrate my birthday, which was delightful. We talked and ate and watched Saltburn, a movie both of us had on our respective "Recommended, But Why?" lists, and that we both found disappointing. It's just not a successful movie on any front. I feel like I'm scrambling to spin many plates, and for now it's working, but I really need off this ride soon. I turned in the work needed for class, and the grades are back in--I still have a 96%, which is fortifying. I have three more video posts, one set of reading reflections, and two more papers over the next couple weeks. I like this class well enough, and also I will be very glad to have this done and dusted. I am meeting Philospher James this afternoon at lunch to discuss Chapter 4, which I finally finished reading only just now. I need to run to the bank to sign some paperwork, which I'll be doing in just a minute so that I can have that done before the lunch meeting with James. Then later this afternoon, I'll be runnin gto the tax office to sign documents and get the filing finalized, and on time and everything. Hooray. I have a feeling that this Spring is going to be a lot of continued activity, and I will need to prioritize restfulness in order to make sure it doesn't get lost, but it feels nice to be back out in the world again. I might finish an IKEA project this evening after I get done with work and all the errands. May you have peae this day, Friends. ❤️