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  1. 15 points
    It's not so much about preventing the changes, but steering the changes so they are good for us instead of not good. Instead of just coming out and saying no to everything, I want to negotiate a win win for everyone. I have talked to several people, and the sermon today at church was perfect for what I was going through. Thanks. They are sensible people, and they are trying to help in their own way, it's just that they don't see things from my perspective, not out of malice or negligence, but because I need to articulate my position to them. It's one of those things where they don't know what they don't know. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm seeing this as an issue for all parties involved to work together for mutual understanding. Thank you very much. I'll do my best To be fair, it's reasonable for them to want me to understand what I am saying as well. I feel a lot better now, as I hinted at above. I have reframed the situation in my mind as one where we just need to communicate with each other. I need to understand where my bosses are coming from and they need to understand where I am coming from then we can all use our considerable diplomacy and problem solving skills (all three of us are chaplains after all, and each skilled in our own rights) to come up with something that will be a win for everyone.
  2. 12 points
    I Hope so. Today is a good day. Got a dental cleaning that took very little time because I am good at taking care of my teeth. There was a cavity that will have to get worked on, it's in a spot where two teeth rub against each other. Did the Kettlebell workout and was a few reps shy of getting everything on the first set. Of course, I had to slow down after that because it pushed me to my limit, but that is a great thing because I'm both getting a heart workout and it means I'm going as hard as I can. I have come up with a new mantra for myself: Eat Intuitively Move Consistently. Pretty un-legalistic if I do say so, and it's very helpful. No cooking because there were still enough leftovers that I didn't have to make anything new.
  3. 11 points
    Friday Update A day off again yesterday and I woke up feeling really tired so I stayed in bed a long time, just doing work from there and listening to music, whilst watching the world go by out of my bedroom window. It was pretty great. I was chatting to my sister about her new research project too which hugely interesting so I learned a lot. I made my way into the gym and did an upper body session (BEEFCAKE!) which was hard because of my shoulder issues - anything that meant lifting the weight above elbow height was impossible on my right side which is a shame because I feel like I am actually getting a bit more movement there now. Hopefully my test results will shed some light on all this. After this I did an hour on the elliptical with resistance cycling for dat ass, then I stretched it all out with a 45 minute full body yoga session. It's been a long time since I did any yoga but thankfully I haven't taken many backsteps flexibility wise, particularly on my left side. A lot of my right side felt totally wrong and out of balance. I wonder if it's related to my shoulder or if something else is going on. After my yoga session I felt so much better in my body than I have in a very long time. I took a super long steamy shower with candles whilst listening to chilled out music to keep that zen going. I went to pick up TH from work and we stopped by the supermarket to pick up our second and final non-compliant dinner of the week of which we're allowed two. Foodwise, it was pretty good. I fasted most of the day and only really ate as a pre-workout snack around 4pm to stop myself dying in the gym. That gave me a 33 hour fast if I can count properly. I had a piece of wholewheat toast with a little peanut butter on it, then after my strength and cardio but before the yoga session I had a banana, and when I was done with all of that I had an apple and a large glass of water to ensure hydration. Dinner was pizza and ice cream, but because I spent two entire hours in the gym working on my bullshit I was actually under on calories. I have gone back to calorie tracking. I need to remember this is what works for me - stop tracking a while, focus on real food, get out of the junk food mentality and then I actually find myself wanting to fast and calorie count. Given this and the old school sweat session in the gym I can say with certainty that Deffy is deffo back on her bullshit. And I like it. Good Internal - Yoga! Hydration! Great food choices! Fasting! Mentally getting myself in the right place to start this journey again. I feel great after everything I did yesterday, and also everything I didn't do that - morning spent in bed with music and friends (online, sadly I had no actual friends in my bed although you're all welcome for gossip sessions and pillowfights). I learned a lot from my sister about her new research topic (a very controversial area and a perspective I have never even considered before) and I read more of my book about Jerusalem. Good External - Strength session! A whole hour working on my booty! If I keep on like this I will be back to where I was before Christmas relatively soon and I am looking forward to seeing new numbers on the scale and also getting my pole dancing pole.
  4. 10 points
    Things you really don't want to realize at 1:30am : I have no idea where my fucking passport is. I know where it's supposed to be, which is in a drawer in my nightstand. It might still be there, but cleaning out that drawer has been on my to do list forever so I'm hoping it's just buried under all of the other shit that's accumulated. Womp. Challenge update for today: showered, ate a banana, have not stretched yet because I just got home from Lyfting and I'm busy eating but I'll do it before bed because my calves hate me, and my thing under five minutes was printing off a credit card statement that I need to bring to get my license renewed in the morning AND getting all the other stuff I need together and shoved in my purse. I'm glad I managed to wrangle the SINGLE copy of my birth certificate that we have away from my father and his chaotic "filing system" because I'd've been fucked if both that and my passport were MIA. So now I get to renew license and then go to the dentist. What a fucking Monday. Thanks for all the replies to my word vomit post. I'm not going to reply to everyone but I'm sending hugs and kittens. I've cried about this in therapy a lot. I've done some cool shit, but there's no telling what other cool shit I could have done if my brain weren't completely fucked and there's a laundry list of things I know I missed out on. There will be more crying about it in therapy because I will never be over it. Because despite anxiety/depression/PTSD and zero self confidence, I've won several competitive awards and fucked off to third world countries alone without knowing the language. It hurts like a motherfucker to think about what I might have been capable of without shitty mental health holding me back.
  5. 10 points
    OK, well if that's what the people demand... Yesterday was kind of of a long day with lots of driving. We left for Qionghai a around 9am and got there just before noon. As if the Chinese tradition, before going to lunch the host busted out a tons of snacks and fruit and we were expected to munch on those as we chatted. There was a giant tin of Danish butter cookies and I couldn't help but keep stuffing my face with them the entire time. I don't know if the mango I ate with them helped or just made things worse. After the snackfest we headed over to a nearby restaurant for lunch. We had a lot for lunch, after which I was feeling quite stuffed. That is (from the top going clockwise) Braised tofu, onion pastries, braised eggplant, steamed shrimp, beef & pork kebabs, vinegar cucumbers, garlic duck, braised fish, fried short ribs, and squid kebabs. The shrimp were really weird, they had these big giant pincers which I have never seen before After lunch we headed back to the aunt's house and my in-laws chatted with her while the rest of us watched TV. We headed out around 5 so that we wouldn't be too late getting in. We got back around 8 and decided to have Pizza Hut for dinner. I had roast beef, soup and a salad, because what else would you eat at Pizza Hut? After dinner Ghosted and I returned the rental car and then joined the rest of the crew to play a few hands of Uno before bed. There is an interesting story behind this visit. The aunt is living there by herself to keep it from getting taken over. Apparently her kid got divorced and as part of the agreement, the Hainan apartment went to them. However, the ex still had keys and was using it as a vacation home. In order for it to get completely taken over, the aunt has moved down here full time to keep the ex from using it. I asked why they don't just change the locks but apparently it is complicated in a way that is beyond my comprehension. When her husband retires next year he will move down here to be with her. I didn't work out this morning for no good reason and then had a bunch more Danish cookies (leftover from the day before) for breakfast.
  6. 9 points
    I slept 12 hours Friday night - 10:30 pm - 10:30 am - and I THINK I'M BACK IN ACTION?? Going to add "draw manatee-cat riding a proud horse to Ye Olde Dennys" to my to-do list HAHA XD <3<3<3 Dennys is a strange rift between worlds sometimes I think, THE WEIRDNESS..... Bless their hearts it's true huh~ SELL IT ON EBAY!!! Face of the Lord Appears On a Saltine, $900 starting bid So much restful yes yes <3 W E E K 1 HERE WE GO As previously stated I slept 12 hours Friday night and then another 10 last night so ok I think I'm ok for a little bit, a few days at least. Let's see what are my goals here let's do an update on that stuff huh~ 1. STAY HYDRATED. I've been doing REALLY GOOD with this one!! I've discovered that plain water is boring as frick and if my water tastes like something I'll drink 8374 more ounces of it, so I've bought a few of those water flavoring drops and have been drinking LOADS of water. I'm a little suspicious of the drops, like, what are they made of, are they going to give me cancer someday, who knows, but they are tasty and I'll go with it. :3 2. EAT (AND SNACK) RESPONSIBLY. Eating is going well!! My only takeout was my Friday sushi, otherwise I've cooked dinner at home every night and stuck to my batch lunches. This week is turkey and swiss on whole wheat wraps with hard boiled egg, lettuce, carrots, and chipotle ranch dressing~ I've also discovered the amazement of KODIAK CAKES for breakfast, right now I have a few of the blueberry flapjack microwave cups, but I need to grab a box of mix and figure out how to pre-make some breakfasts to go.. 3. STAY OUT OF THE CANDY DISH. One a day at work is working!! (The ones in there now I don't like, so it helps.) At home though, is where the conversation hearts are............ I eat maybe 5-6 a day so that's not too bad, right?? 4. WRANGLE THE SLEEP SCHEDULE Always a work in progress here, but I feel well rested today!! 5. TAKE YOUR VITAMINS. EVERY DANG DAY. I forget to do this on the weekends cause my vitamins live in my work tote! ; ; Gotta work on this. Overall everything is going really great guys!! I'm in great spirits and I think I'm keeping a handle on everything well. Next week I have a 3 day weekend, I'm going to do my taxes and set up that sweet sweet refund, The Boy is coming to visit me for a long weekend in April and I c a n n o t w a i t, I'm going to do some tinkering with my finances next weekend too so I can get us a sweet hotel in Boston. It's wild (and refreshing) to me to start to have so much financial freedom and leeway for auxiliary spending. Gosh. GOSH. What a world. Maybe 2019 really will be my year. *stares up at sky waiting for a piano to drop*
  7. 9 points
    Oh my gosh the video tho'~ Finn's food came a DAY EARLY and I am 100% hooked on never going to an actual pet store ever again. I giggles at myself once it was over with... Holy shit yeah, prescription food is NOT CHEAP. I feel for you. There was a point where we thought Finn might have food allergies and we were feeding him this crazy-ass Duck and Pea food that was BATTY BONKERS PRICE. p h e w........... HI NEIGHBORHOOD WAKE UP ^_______________^ I did not get food treats 'cause I forgot my wallet this morning and that was a whole other chaos debacle OOPS IT IS FRIDAY CHRIST ON A BIKE i AM DONEZO DONE OH NO MY CAPS LOCK IS ON BY ACCIDENT OR MAYBE ON PURPOSE Frick Y'all My brain is flatter than uh, something flat, I can't think of a witty euphemism or whatever. Wow. So much training this week, I am getting lots of responsibilities because apparently I am a good, also I forgot my wallet at home this morning and I had to get my debit card number from my mom so I could call in some emergency sushi at lunch because I had planned on going out for lunch and ajfhdslgfthsdjkg WEEKEND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  8. 8 points
    So.... my holiday is now over and with no interruptions on the horizon it's time to get back into it... Many carbs and much alohol was consumed and I did gain a couple of kgs on holiday... but... I've got a lot going on this challenge so I'm only focusing on 2 things. FOODZ: 1. Getting my food sorted out again. I will be going back to a low carb deal because it's easy and it works. Also going back to no gluten. I've had a fair bit over the last week and all my joints are swollen and painful. So the goal will be +1 CON for every 500g lost at the end of the challenge. Starting with a weight today of 103.5kg. Ideally, I would like to be under 100kg. GYM: 2. Setting PR's. I like lifting and it's time to ramp shit up again. I will be ficusing on DLs (because they don't bother my adductor very much) and Benching. The only squatting I will be doing will be some front squats, mostly because they limit how much weight I can use (again, trying to ease the load on the adductor). Generally, for me at least, as long as either Squats or DLs go up, the other follows close behind. So I'm pretty sure that if I start breaking PRs on DLs, then it won't take much to bring my squat back up after the adductor has had some time to stop being a dick. As per usual: +1 STR for every PR. That is all...
  9. 8 points
    Sunday Update I fasted again for 17.5 hours, until my lunch break when I just had a bit of yoghurt with chia seeds and a banana. I didn't eat again until dinner which was my dad's roast lamb with veggies and roast potatoes and it was fantastic. My mom has started to use her retirement to prepare for Brexit by baking all her loved ones fresh bread and growing her own veggies. Had I know this was going to happen I might have voted Leave myself, my mom's bread is the shit. She made us a cheese and onion loaf and a wholemeal one to bring back with us and we had a slice of the cheese and onion one toasted with melted cheese on it when we got in because it smelled so good we were powerless to resist. It was ridiculously delicious. My new headphones came and as one of those people that only really replaces technology when I break or lose stuff, they're giving me a bit of a futurgasm - THEY ARE CHARGED BY THEIR OWN CASE what is this witchcraft. I got my bewb cream delivered to my moms as well so I can keep up that habit and we also learned yesterday that the secret to getting an early night *nudge nudge wink wink* is to not wait to have an early night, it's to do it as soon as we get home and I don't know why it's taken us so long to realise this but that should help us make this a priority going forward because I am very likely to give it the big talk all day and then just fall asleep immediately when we actually get to bed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  10. 8 points
  11. 8 points
    Saturday Update Well will you look at this, I have nothing to say. I fasted until my first break when I ate a doughnut because I wasn't entirely sure I would get my second break on which to eat and I wanted to make sure I didn't want to kill someone. Someone had bought doughnuts in because this is what happens on Saturdays. I did get my second break and I ate some oatcakes and a nakd bar, but that was it until dinner which I have already mentioned. When I got home I was pretty tired (probably because I hadn't eaten enough, really) so after dinner we came to bed to read. I ordered some new earphones because I lost mine at some point yesterday and had to listen to ambient noise on the train home. Then we went to sleep and I got about nine hours sleep and felt like I could really have done with a lot more. See, I told you. Nothing to say. ETA Internals/Externals. Good Internals - I read some and I fasted and fasting has lots of health benefits (I'm reaching) Good Externals - nothing really. I didn't even moisturise the bewbs and butt because I ran out of cream
  12. 8 points
    I already don't want to keep up with this challenge at all. Kinda wrote off zero week because I just don't care. Apathy is awesome. So instead of doing anything else productive, I'm going to write a wall of text about why things that are so simple are so fucking hard for me. Buckle up, kids. I started seeing my current therapist a year ago next week. At the end of the first session where I recapped the highlights of my life/issues, she said it was too soon to diagnose anything but "right now it sounds like a lot of depression." Or something to that effect. And that was the first time in my life someone said I could have depression. In retrospect, of course I've had it forever and the first time I thought about it was in senior year of high school. But until last year, on the few occasions I'd brought it up I'd been straight up told that I didn't or even couldn't have it. Not always by people qualified to make that call, but it didn't matter. I took it to heart every time. When my therapist said it sounded like I had it, and made it official a few weeks later, I wasn't shocked. I wasn't mad, either. Mostly I thought "okay, that makes sense given that I now realize my family is abusive and I have PTSD to go with it." But it's more or less taken me a year to actually internalize the fact that I have depression and I need to do something about it. I mean, I've mentioned it here before and blamed things on it, but I still never really made it part of my reality. I didn't have a problem with the diagnosis but I don't think I really accepted "I have depression." I've been waiting for it to pass on its own, but that's not a thing. Not in my current situation, anyway. Part of the reason I haven't been able to own it is that I've always been told that I can't have depression, like I said. It's bullshit, but I believed it anyway. The first time it happened to me was when we learned about it in AP Psych. The symptoms of anxiety and depression resonated with me when we were studying them, but of course I couldn't actually have either of those things because I was a normal kid or whatever, right? So I sat on it, and one night I wrote in my LiveJournal, as you did back then, that I thought I might be depressed. I listed out the symptoms that resonated. And then a friend (who wasn't a friend for much longer, for other reasons) commented that there's no way I could be depressed, "you just need some Ben & Jerry's and a good cry." Cool, thanks. I'm fairly certain she gave reasons like my parents still being together and I had a job and my family had enough money, etc. All of which were reasons living in the back of my head already - how could I be depressed when there wasn't anything wrong in my life? Never mind that some of my other friends said they were depressed and had similar home lives to mine. But the damage was done. The next two times I remember were both while I was abroad. During my semester in France I was miserable. Surprise, I had undiagnosed anxiety and depression, of course I'm going to struggle. I did fine with the actual speaking French part, to the point that I was the only US student not taking the french-for-foreigners classes, and when the US students were in regular classes with me they'd just copy my notes as I wrote them without even trying to listen to the professors. (French university classes are basically the professor talking for 2 straight hours and you write what they say and ask zero questions.) So I had that part down. It was the rest of the experience that was the issue. The anxiety of doing everything wrong, including not bagging my groceries fast enough and even crossing the street in the wrong place (?!), ruined just about everything. Classes at the university stared several days before we even arrived for orientation, so trying to pick classes and figure out what was happening was a pain in the ass, compounded by the fact that my school here had ridiculous rules about what classes would transfer and how many I needed. At some point during the semester I must have posted something on Facebook about being down, because I distinctly remember getting chastised by a friend to the tune of how dare I not have a good time when I'm so lucky to be in another country and having such a great experience etc. etc. Thanks, that was super helpful. But she succeeded in making me feel bad about feeling bad, so again I decided I can't really be depressed, I must not be trying hard enough to enjoy myself. Or something. And then when I was in Morocco, the schools' counselor (who was from the US!) dismissed me as well. The first semester I was there most of the other US students were juniors and seniors and I made friends and we had a wild time considering the school itself was a fucking shitshow; the second semester was juniors and a lot of sophomores, and only 3 or 4 of us stayed for the second semester. I didn't connect with the new kids and I didn't like the girls who stayed. With the added bonus of the fact that I was still in the same place where I had lots of fun and everywhere I looked there were memories of the fun we had, but those people weren't around anymore. It took me weeks to actually make an appointment to see the counselor because again, I can't have depression, right? And then when I finally got to see her, she listened to me for a few minutes and just told me to stop thinking about my old friends and to start making new friends, that's the only problem I had. Never mind the fact that I barely left my dorm room and had no motivation to go to class and all the other fun stuff. So I left her office feeling like she was wrong and had totally dismissed me, but still with that note of "someone else told me I can't be depressed so it must be true and I must be a drama queen." The other reason I haven't been able to own it? I'm bitter as hell that I have depression in the first place because most if not all of it is not a question of "oops, my body hates serotonin." No, this is a thing that was done to me and that I had no control over. My family was/is emotionally abusive. My childhood lacked the supportive, nurturing environment that children need to grow into secure people. Instead I got a never-ending game of "what am I going to get yelled at for this time?" As a result, I developed all kinds of coping mechanisms and habits to try to protect myself from whatever consequences. And now I've reached a point in life where those coping mechanisms are no longer helpful and are actively hurting me. So I get to spend my time unlearning everything I knew before and trying to learn how to be a functional human at 30 since I didn't learn it during my formative years. And honestly it feels like I'm just cleaning up someone else's mess. The people responsible can't (and would never) fix this, but it's not fair that I'm the one that has to. Countless hours and hundreds of dollars in therapy over the past 8 years, plus god knows how much still to come. Medication with a laundry list of shitty side effects that I may or may not have to take for the rest of my life if I want to be a functional person. I've spent my entire life cleaning up after my family and solving their problems, and now I have to put myself back together too. So that's the struggle. I recognize that I have depression but I never really accepted that I have depression. I've been clinging to the idea that maybe things will change on their own, maybe I'll get a job or maybe this or once I start doing that. Maybe I won't have to depend on medication, maybe I can start talking to my therapist about things that aren't directly related to family bullshit and I can start moving on with my life. But of course that doesn't work. And I'm tired. I hate living like this. I hate isolating myself from people, I hate waking up and immediately wishing it were bedtime again, I hate that everything is so goddamn fucking hard. I'm 30 years old and "take a shower" is a challenge goal for me. It's a 5-minute process if I don't wash my hair but that's still too much effort. I hate everything about this. The worst part is that taking ownership of it means doing even more shit I don't want to do. I realized at the beginning of January that I can't keep living like this and I can't keep waiting for things to change on their own. But the only thing I can change from the comfort of my blanket fort is taking medication. I started taking Zoloft 2 weeks ago and honestly I'm fucking pissed about it. Which then feels fucking stupid because I already feel like it's working. It could be a placebo effect, but I do feel like I hate the world slightly less on a daily basis now and I have a little more energy. Not enough for drastic changes, but enough to notice. And I hate it because I feel like I didn't have a choice. No one forced me into it, of course, but I hit a point of "I am so fucked up for reasons largely outside of my control and this is the only other thing that could fix it." Basically, this challenge is going to suck. It's going to be a merry-go-round of trying to make the depression better while still getting upset over having depression that needs to be fixed and then getting more depressed about it. I am genuinely going to try to meet all my goals every day but I fully expect there will be days, probably several at a time, where I just say fuck it and do nothing because I'm still bitter as fuck about the entire situation. If you've made it this far, congratulations. Get yourself a cookie or another fun snack that adheres to your eating plan. And please don't tell me I don't need to be mad about taking medication because there's nothing wrong with doing so. I recognize that. I've had that discussion with my therapist. I'm still going to die mad about it because of my own personal circumstances and I will not be convinced otherwise.
  13. 8 points
    Tonight's dinner - some leftover stir fry with coconut lime sauce with medium rare steak. There was a bit more stir fry than we intended but YOLO, I fasted all day for this bitch.
  14. 8 points
    Holiday snaps: This is us leaving Australia: An aquarium (one of the trips highlights): A beach (super clear water, had a good time snorkling, saw many fish): A cave: A lagoon (with ridiculously blue water): The holiday was pretty darned good and it was nice to have a week off before my routine gets screwed up. But it did have some bad bits to counbter the good bits. The bed seemed to have been specially designed to be the shittest bed on the planet and the pillows were crap too. After the first night, my neck was screwed up and when I tried to stretch it out, something went snap and I had the frozen neck thing again (and still have it now - hopefully my own bed and pillows will help to relieve it). It also managed to rain at every place we stopped at. Which meant wet clothes, which meant chafing... But the good bits were gooderer... We went to Noumea in New Caledonia... which means I've technically been to France. Saw an pretty good aquarium (our holidays are basically just a checklist of aquariums around the world). Went snorkeling and saw a heap of awesome fish. Drank Kava and bought some home with us. Swam with some big sea turtles - one of which was 200 years old. And ate some tropical fruits (which we do have at home, but ours taste terrible in comparison).
  15. 7 points
    It's good to be back in the Rebellion! I got some pretty ok results in the first three challenges (#1, #2, #3), then unexpectedly moved to UK for postgraduate studies (take-it-or-leave-it scholarship thing) and coped with the adaptation, work, study and family balance during the autumn term, running and lifting only very occasionally, while ditching my daily walks altogether. In Nov, I failed a respawn challenge. In sum, I let Darth Paunch punch me too much (fueled by the Galactic Writing Assignments Empire). All in all, I threw that lightsaber behind way too many times. It comes to an end. In the latter part of January (original time of the year when I left the Mordor realm of inactivity in 2018), I resumed my running and lifting routine, though I'm still in the process of gearing up. I got myself a new fitness tracker (Huawei Band 3 Pro - for £58 on Amazon Warehouse) with GPS and swimming mode, which adds to motivation (I detest carrying my phone on runs - and this band tracks runs with GPS, showing the pace, distance ran and heart BPM on its own screen in real time, which I always wanted; also, I plan to subscribe to a swimming pool as soon as my academic year ends). Here's the new beauty: And here are some pictures from today's walk around Binfield (finally found some kinda hilly paths which resemble the hills of Maruševec in Croatia that I quite miss): So at this point, I'm pretty optimistic. However, I need to temper it with realism. First, the challenge reports will have to be Twitter-style - nowhere near like this introductory post (took me over an hour!). I made an Accountabilities Twitter-style thread during the failed respawn challenge, but there weren't any posters beside me, so I will not double it, but instead am branding this challenge as an "abridged-posting mode" one. Thus, both my goals and posts will be simple. Also, the following two weeks I have an intensive course, which means my goals during that time will be a smaller bite. So here it is: Subquest 1: walk >4000 daily steps during first two weeks and >8000 daily steps during second two weeks -> 2 STA Subquest 2: run 1x/week during first two weeks and 2x/week during second two weeks -> 1 STA + 1 DEX Subquest 3: lift 1x/week during first two weeks and 2x/week during second two weeks -> 2 STR Subquest 4: go to sleep before midnight -> 2 CON Subquest 5: start the day with devotions (Scripture study, meditation and prayer) -> 1 WIS + 1 CHA Give me that lightsaber alright! P.S. looking forward to the end of the academic year, when I'll be able to hang out with you much more! Wishing all of you a rocking 4WC!
  16. 7 points
  17. 7 points
    I don't know, after reading your rationale for why you are angry about it, my first reaction was "I would be angry too". Seems to me like a pretty normal reaction to being involuntarily forced into a terrible situation.
  18. 7 points
    With a hoarse voice and a cigarette in its left hand. I can totally picture it. Yep, his name was Old Jim, and Old Jim has seen things. Things your nightmares get anxiety about... It's really tough. This is what we have in our house still (after stuffing our faces for the last week) And this is a sampling of what's over at the in-law's place (plus all of the fruit and sweet beverages) I too am quite curious! I three am quite curious but when I tried to ask more questions Ghostess jabbed me in the ribs and changed the subject. She told me later that the whole topic is a sore spot for the family and best not to discuss it too much. She doesn't know why they can't just change the locks either. Sounds like the back story for one heck of a TV drama if you ask me. You sir, seem to be correct. That is exactly what they looked like when we ordered them out of the talk out in the front of the restaurant. That is... a very good idea. I probably should do some research first to make sure I am practicing the right way. You laugh but it's so true. On the whole menu they only have a tiny pizza section and everything else is what Chinese people imagine Western food should be (kind if the opposite of how Chinese food in the US is only a rough approximation of what Americans think Chinese food should be. Localization is a big thing here (McDonalds sells rice bowls). They even opened up a taco bell in Shanghai a few years ago but it failed spectacularly. Apparently not enough people are interested in eating shrimp pilaf from Taco Bell. Lunch yesterday was this: From bottom left clockwise: rice, braised short ribs, shrimp (the regular kind' not the mutant river shrimp), watercress, fried fish, pork & string beans, mushu pork, braised fish steaks After lunch Ghostess packed up all other stuff (she has to go back early for work, but will be back in a couple of weeks on a business trip). Ghostlet made fried dumplings for dinner because that is one of his homework assignments. After dinner we played mahjong again (and and tons of snacks) until 1am. I did not workout this morning again because I went to the airport to drop off Ghostess. Lunch was a bowl of noodles that I didn't take a picture of.
  19. 6 points
    Depression is a bitch. I need to make it MY bitch. After I complained to my therapist (a lot) about the fact that I can't bring myself to care about challenge goals even though I want to make all kinds of positive changes and actually care about myself, she pointed out that depression makes it hard to think/care about the future. In retrospect... duh? So apparently I need to work on not being quite so depressed if I want to make progress on anything else. Boring. Daily Goals (tracker): Take a fucking shower. Eat a fucking plant. Do some fucking stretches. If it takes under 5 minutes to do, do the fucking thing. There are a million and one things I could be working on, but these 4 feel like the most effective attacks against the things that hold me back. We'll see. Currently making a list of extra credit things I can do to improve how I feel but I really need to focus on these. I'm super fucking pissed that I'm at a point in life where I need to make it a goal to shower every day, but such is life. This post and my glorious return by the fact that I have therapy tomorrow and for some reason my therapist disapproves of living in a depression cave and keeps asking about the last time I talked to my friends; turns out "uhhhh..." isn't a great answer. (Sorry.) Also, is it just me or is the Rebel GL position the NF equivalent of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher??
  20. 6 points
    I find it strangely hilarious that FIL won't explain it to Ghostess but he will to Ghostlet Realistic sketching is where my interest lies, so I will focus on that for now. That's what I thought too, but then at lunch Today Ghostlet brought it up and they explained it in a way that an 11 year old can understand. This was more my speed Apparently the situation is that before the divorce, the girls parents used to cone down and spend the winters there. After the divorce, they kept coming even though the apartment belonged to the son now. According to the aunt, the girlsbparents just didn't have the manners to stop showing people but to just change the locks and kick them out would be socially bad form so they kind of leftist at that. However, the girls dad had a stroke and is not long for this world, and they were going to have him cone live down here full time where the climate is much better. However, in Chinese culture, no one wants to live in a house that someone has died in (hospice care does not exist here for that reason - everyone just stays in the hospital until they die) and the family was worried that the father would die while he was there. If that happened, the place would be both unlivable and unsellable so in order to make sure that didn't happen, the aunt came down here to live full time before the dad could come squatting. As long as she is there, the dad can't come, but if she leaves they believe they would be down here the next day (half of the place is filled with the dad's stuff as if they planned to just kind of take over). Right? I kind of feel guilty if I don't eat it because the in-laws went out of their way to make sure we had the kind of snacks I like. That I would prefer not to snack at all is a concept that is difficult for them to grasp. To be fair, I treat zero week like a regular challenge week so for me it is already the end of the first week. That's a very judgmental name. Just because they can't see different talents as valuable doesn't mean it's not a real talent! I propose a new name: "how to draw if your talent is in something completely different".  I would probably sign up for a class if they called it "how to draw for those with no drawing talent" I will ask my MIL, she doesn't use a recipe but it is just the way she learned to make them from her mother. The prawn knows Old Jim, but Old Jim and the prawn saw some of that stuff together... Tank gets it. The prawn has some stories to tell you about Old Jim Yesterday afternoon was swimming again which for me means tons of pool handstands. Dinner was baked chicken, fried beef with onions & carrots, mixed vegetable stir fry, baked sweet potatoes, and Chinese bread. After dinner we played a bit of Mahjong, but we cut other short at 10pm because The empire had the advantage on Coruscant and I couldn't let them win (see assassin side quest). I went out into the yard and did a very intense leg and pull workout to make sure I had enough points but when I went to enter them in I was very disheartened to discover that I shouldbhave been doing abs and not legs. In guess it will be a draw, even though that just means endless debate about control of trade routes to outlying start systems. That's the kind of thing that kills republics. This morning was spent helping Ghostlet organize his homework, which needs to be finished by the 21st. He has to read 4 books (and 3 book report posters), 4 additional posters of varying topics, memorize 1 classical Chinese poem, build 2 craft projects, some math problems and a bunch of English spelling & vocabulary. The bulk of the next two weeks is going to be helping him with his homework... For lunch we went out to a hotpot place where I had a lot of lamb & beef slices and a couple plates of meatballs. After lunch we went to the pool again for more handstands and other goofing around (but only for 1 hour because we have homework to be done)
  21. 6 points
    All you women here are gorgeous. Any disagreement will result in a pineapple up the Khyber. On the age thing, my Gran always said she was the same age as her tongue and a little older than her teeth. Wise woman was my Granny Boulton. Sent from my CPH1725 using Tapatalk
  22. 6 points
    I must concur with my colleagues. I would be surprised if you weren't angry about your situation. That's a normal reaction to a not-normal situation. The fact that you are angry about it is actually a good thing, becuase it means the strength of your will is powerful enough to get an emotion through the depression. Another thing that gives me hope that you will pull through this is the following phrase. You were able to cope with all the crap your family put you through. Once you are able to focus all the energy you used to focus on them on you, changes will start to become evident. I suspect on top of everything else you are grieving. You are grieving the life you could have had if you had grown up in a healthy household. Once you can say goodbye to the life you could have had, you can begin to rebuild the life you have ahead of you. It's not fair you are in that position, and have a right to every bit of anger you feel.
  23. 6 points
    Climbing was so much fun today! I felt much stronger than last time and had a bunch of little wins. After multiple attempts I finally did the stupid climb that I got angry about last time, the one that should've been exactly my thing but for some reason I just could.not.get. Stupid climb. And no I won't admit that it was kinda fun once I got it. And not hard at all. I'm maybe possibly starting to understand this press move that felt 100% impossible last time. Now it's only at 60% impossible. I sort of finished a next level up problem! I say sort of because the ending was very tricky to match and while I did do it it wouldn't have quite counted in say a comp setting. But I don't care I'm counting it. It was a welcome confidence boost that one day I might be able to climb harder things again. Generally tried hard and pushed myself. Except for that first problem, my friends had to push me to try that one again haha.
  24. 6 points
    Skin chemistry is definitely a factor. And if you want to get specific, I am cool, leaning towards neutral. Foundations oxidize once they leave the bottle, so it s chemical reaction partly to your skin, and partly just to being exposed to air. That's what makes them change color and turn towards an orange cast. How bright orange depends on your skin tone, share, and the rest of your coloring. A part of that can be avoided just from buying a foundation that doesn't oxidize. The price tag is not an indicator of whether it will oxidize or not! Time to wrap up Zero Week: I didn't really try to meet any of my challenges, because the week between challenge periods is when I relax and take a break from making demands on myself. I have continued to meditate, and to go to the gym. Walking with Sidekick has been an infrequent occurrence, partly due to cold weather, and partly because of horrific lack of sleep. It was largely self inflicted so I'm not worried about it, and it should be easy to correct once Week One is underway. It also gave me a useful reminder of why sleep is so important, that I hope I will be smart enough to benefit from. Increase in happiness factor: In keeping with the principles of Unfuck Your Habitat, I have been doing little things here and there, continuously, to make my habitat more pleasant. Today, I finished the work clothes portion. Things I never use have gone into a black bag marked for donation, things that don't fit followed them into the bag, replacement items have been purchased. I have, for the first time in a long time, reached that zen-like state of bliss where I confidently can say that any one of the five pairs of work pants in my closet fits me. The aggravation of having to go through eleven pairs to find one of the three that fits, is officially a thing of the past. (Self-Indulgence wanted me to buy two pairs of grey slacks, in additional to the two black ones, I purchased today since more than 80% of my work tops are black. I firmly told her no, since wearing all black makes us like a ninja, but stealthily in a way that no one can tell, which makes us more ninja-ish, which is awesome. And on days when we don't feel like being ninjas, wearing all black makes us goth, which is even better.) I fed Self-Indulgence a special treat by going to have my hair done and colored earlier today. After that we went to The Holy Temple of Self-Indulgence, more commonly know as Sephora. This is one of the places where she is at her strongest, but today she barely made any demands at all, she just sulked quietly. I purchased two small things, both of which I actually need, and that was it. (This is a new personal record for a Sephora visit!) Self-Indulgence was upset and pouty that I refused to buy more stuff just because it was shiny, but I ignored her and went to check out. At the checkout, the employee behind the counter reminded me that since my birthday is this month, I get my pick of either a small handful of make-up samplers, or a couple of skin care samplers, and I also had enough Insider Points for a small free gift on top of that. Self-Indulgence is now very happy with her free stuff, and doesn't care what I do for the rest of the day, because she has free Drunk Elephant products. My plan for keeping Self-Indulgence under control is progressing very nicely.
  25. 6 points
    I've survived two weeks of work!! I have been working freakishly hard both this week and last week, and the kicker is that I've had so little to show for it because it's mostly been research ... for four and five and six hours at a time, digging through page after page of technical and applied information about satellite spacecraft, radar, lidar, microwave sensing, thermal radiation sensing, near-infrared and shortwave infrared wavelengths, and how those compare to red and green and blue and regular infrared wavelengths for remote sensing algal blooms, evapotranspiration and insect infestation. And more. Ever so much more. So I've come home at the end of every day with my brain feeling like a sponge that's been completely submerged in dishwater and then squeezed so it could hold even more. Which is good, because about halfway through each afternoon I've been like "Gosh diddly, I'm just not getting anything done" but then I come home so tired I can barely eat dinner, and I'm like "Yeeeeeah, I got some stuff done". Like my challenge work, all of this reading and researching is the foundation for my being able to do other stuff later. This week I wrote a short news release and finished the second section of that informational brochure I mentioned last week. No working out was done this week because I felt like a soaked dishcloth, and also because I injured my ankle somehow on Tuesday and it's still sore today. I don't have a memory of injuring it, but by evening it was sore and slightly bruised on the outer, upper ankle area, and it's been irritated and achy all week. It is feeling better tonight, so I might go to the gym tomorrow for some upper body work. I'm feeling the itch to beat myself into a sweaty mess. Tonight I'm drinking lovely mint tea and going to binge "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." while knitting and online shopping. I've been trying desperately to hang onto my money because the government could shut down again next week (PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO US CONGRESS) and I don't know if I'll get paid; but at the very least, I need the nice Amazon man to bring me more face wipes. Happy Friday, all my favorite people in the world!!!