Grizzy

First rule of baby sleep is don't say you think it's getting better because the next day will inevitably be terrible. Now baby is very clearly getting a tooth, so at least there's a reason which should resolve soon. But also the other front bottom tooth may be imminent. We've been getting outside lots. I shoveled some dirt and pruned some trees today. I have not cable machined much. Twice so far this challenge. Whomp.

Yeah she is trying soooo hard to crawl.

Sorry Everstorm, I can't get the quote box to delete. Baby has been sleeping SO BAD. Hourly or more frequent wakeups, refusal to fall back asleep on her own, waking up shortly after being put down much of the time if she doesn't wake while being put down, awake and refusing to be put to sleep by any means for an hour at a time at least once a night. And it's baffling because she can fall asleep in her crib at the start of nights and naps. Her schedule is age appropriate, she's being fed plenty, she gets daily sunlight with the recent more temperate weather, and I would suspect teething but every time I suspected teething it wasn't teething. We're going a bit insane over here.

Mine is starting to get better with sleep. But will it be 5 minutes? 20? An hour? Four hours? There is no rhyme or reason and no one knows. I am currently nap trapped after she tried to abort mission at 25 minutes.

This one is a stage 5 Velcro baby, I'm telling you. For a kid we thought might be blind she sure as hell knows when you aren't directly watching her play.

I think it can be really easy for the non-primary parent to want a second because it's just easier for them. I've jokingly/not jokingly said "you be mom and we'll have another." I think it's possible he can be convinced. We've had conversations about how he is chafing under the less substantial restrictions of being dad to an infant, and if he realizes it's only going to be harder with two unless his business starts making much more money and we can hire a lot of help. I'm thinking crazy high support, like a nanny and regular night nurse and a housekeeper and an absurd amount of delivery meals. Or like paying rent and living expenses for my parents to live here the first year so they can be present and largely committed to being our village (but my grandparents would have to die first, which is morbid and undesirable enough where I'm not betting on it). Also heavily supplemented with formula or donor milk and not the absolute commitment that is exclusively breastfeeding. What's ridiculous is that if we were both working at what our salaries have peaked at we could absolutely do this. But we would have to both work probably full time and I have never really been good at work, hellooo ADHD. Honestly I'm surprised it took me this long over my career to ever get fired-ish. We waited so long to have kids because neither of us WANTED to HAVE to work full time with a kid and put them in daycare. But we also thought I would be cut out for full time momming in the baby years and omg I am not. I'm also not very cut out for sending my kid to daycare, which is why I would love a nanny full time but to not work full time. Like I want to be here, but I want to be able to shower, eat, go to the bathroom, and nap without a baby on me or screaming about my activities not involving them or sneaking things in around still sometimes short and unpredictable naps. TLDR I maybe a little want a second kid but also like, an additional person or more around and awake at all times to help. People were not designed to raise babies between only two people, and the lack of real villages sucks.

I think my shoulder is recovered enough for a workout. I really want to deadlift something.

Ugh I'm in a MOOD today. Just feeling kind of down and sad. I think I need to get off reddit. I had a free consult with a sleep consultant and she sent me her pricing structure and I'm like... I don't think I can justify 2500 for the promise that my baby will be sleeping well in four months. When it's possible that will happen via development? Especially when down an income. Even when I was working that was nearly half my monthly gross pay. One thing that's bumming me out is conversations that we've had lately that make me REALLY excited to get to the next life stage with older kids and no babies. But it's clear husband wants more, and I... Don't. This is just really hard and all the things I'm excited about doing in the future basically only feel possible when I don't have an infant. And even if it was easier I just don't want another.

The cornflower looks so good!!!!

Yes, I'm trying to decide what to do this year. Tomatoes are always on the list. I'll do the various unlabeled hot pepper plants I have potted indoors, plus I'll probably just buy a bell pepper start from the store. The last few years I've been planting a ton of lettuce in early spring because it's usually done by the time it's warm enough to transplant tomatoes in the ground. But I always have way too much lettuce; as much as I want to be, I'm not a salad person. It kind of made sense when I had rabbits because I could feed them excess every day and they would be pleased as punch. I think I'll start some spinach in the early spring. Because that I can just throw into any hot meal. Then in summer I'll do peppers, tomatoes, and basil, with calendula and nasturtium planted around. I should figure out when to start basil indoors, and should start my tomatoes soon. Space pending I might do a pumpkin and a spaghetti squash. It's nice that I've been gardening long enough that I know what things we won't eat even if they do well and what things won't do well without way more attention. Things I've done in the past: Peas - rabbits always eat them Beans - we never eat them enough Carrots - never get any big ones and I find anything I have to direct sow annoying Radishes - same as carrots Potatoes - never felt like we got more than like 2 potatoes and potatoes are cheap Squash - we don't eat summer squash. Butternut squash is all right but I can never cook it right. Asparagus - sprouted and died. Arugula - it spread and now I never need to actively plant it again Oregano - ditto arugula Cabbage - don't think it ever grew Cantaloupe - didn't grow Eggplant - too dry here Lettuce - has the tiny seed problem and the we don't eat much problem. Chard - didn't grow and I don't really like chard? Broccoli -huge plant, one floret, usually gets stolen by deer The one of these I would like to give another go sometime is asparagus, because it's a perennial and I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of food that just comes back each year. I have a number of fruit trees in my yard planted over the last 5 years and a couple raspberry bushes, gooseberry bushes, and a rhubarb. But as with many other things, we don't really eat asparagus. But part of that is the high variance in quality when we buy it.

I can't wait for more consistent warmer weather. There is a high correlation between spending time outside, or even just out of the house, and baby sleeping well. Plus I want to garden. I've realized my bandwidth doesn't extend beyond a small section of yard, but there's a pretty small variety of stuff I actually care to eat if we grow it that does well anyhow. Yesterday I made a good meal of healthy, veggie filled fajitas. Baby was very invested in stealing my food as usual and didn't seem disgusted biting into a chunk of broccoli. I think I'm due for another cable machine workout, but my shoulder feels messed up for some reason.

I looooved APsalm for the Wild-Built.

Some days! It has been colder than I would like but warm enough to get out at least briefly in the afternoons most days. I have done 2 sessions on the cable machine. We have had 1 meal that I'm very happy with and several like, eh this is fine meals. Life updates - I quit my job. It was kind of a resign or likely get fired situation but I was prepared because the writing has been on the wall with this company for a while and I've just kind of been holding on as long as they would tolerate an unreliable half time employee. We'll be fine though. We planned financially for the possibility that I wouldn't go back to work at all. Baby has had her 6 month appointment and so many shots. We hated her new pediatrician who basically immediately told us we had to cry it out or she would never sleep. Two days later with no changes she slept through the night. I'm kind of relieved I no longer am working because baby also has craniosacral therapy once a week and play based PT twice a week for torticollis and mild plagiocephaly.

Yesterday we used the cable machine and went on a family walk. Got outside twice. Today the weather seems less amenable.

Omg so fun. Hoping to be more present and accounted for this challenge!

This challenge we're trying to get the whole family together for improving our fitness! Mini-goal: get a scale. Mr Griz wants an analog one to weigh himself so he doesn't have to worry about batteries. I'm not currently focusing on my weight because I'm currently breastfeeding and my diet to make enough milk is not one that leads me to weight loss. Goal 1: At least 2x a week, use the cable machine with Mr. Griz. If the baby is awake we can play hot potato with her as we rotate for sets. Goal 2: Every day that the weather permits, get outside at morning and midday with baby for 15 minutes. Bonus points for getting out in the afternoon for a walk around the block with the whole family. Goal 3: Eat 1 meal per week we feel we should eat. Baby has started trying to eat my food, so occasionally I would like that food to be "healthy". Flexible definition here with a meal by meal assessment of "if this was representative of what I was feeding my daughter regularly, would I feel good about it?" Bonus baby pic

Unfortunately she just got it like Saturday. Only a mild fever and a fair amount of extra sleeping and whining but so far it could be worse.

Fortunately Mr. Griz is over the flu and it barely glanced me by comparison because I had just gotten my flu shot like, less than a month before. Feeling close to back to normal. Our fancy machine was delivered and so one of the goals for the next challenge is gonna be doing a regular workout using that!

We are ending this challenge with the flu. Thought I had dodged it after three solid days solo parenting plus doing extra for a very sick Mr. Griz, but I'm starting to feel it. Hopefully since I got my flu shot in the last month it will be mild.

Ahhh I'm so bad at updating. Getting sunlight was really good until the week of unbearable cold happened So we did not go out much that week. Water has been much better. Sleep is up and down. She'll do amazing one night and terrible the next. Mr Griz has been taking more shifts so I don't go insane but I think he's starting to go a bit insane so we're trying to figure out the balance. We blew a bunch of money on getting a fancy cable machine so we can do resistance workouts with a lower barrier to entry than with the barbell. It should be coming Wednesday. One day I'll get back to the barbell. Right now it sounds much easier to do a workout that's like, pass baby back and forth between Mr Griz and me between sets, and move a pin to change the weight rather than swapping out 50+ lbs of weirght after every set. Baby updates, she had an Opthalmology appointment and they were quite pleased with her progress on visual milestones. Definitely still a bit delayed in hand eye coordination but is now definitely seeing things! Also I got an evaluation with a pediatric dentist and she has a lip tie, which can affect sleep sometimes. But this person is very holistic and wanted us to do some PT and address other issues such as torticollis and some feeding stuff before jumping to a frenectomy. I'm tired. Here's a baby pic.

Yesterday - Was outside for 2 walks, the first was not in the first hour awake because I hadn't decided yet I wanted to do that. I got to a half gallon of water. Sleep:

Thank you! I'm sorry I was MIA. The last couple months have been a lot.

Hello! I skipped a few challenges because I wasn't in a fitness-y frame of mind after having baby and having issues around baby's health. It felt silly to be in fitness challenges without fitness goals. But I think I'm ready to dip my toes back in. 1. Daily activity with baby. This could be a walk around the block or bodyweight exercises with my little 14 pound weight (the baby). 2. GOWAD Nursing moms are supposed to drink like a gallon of water a day. Was doing it for a while. Got worse about it. My skin. It suffers. 3. AM and PM outdoor time Get outside for 10 minutes with the baby in the first hour after waking up and within the last hour of daylight. Will have to pay attention to when sunset happens, because baby's last nap is usually less than an hour but is around then, so we will likely have to go outside just before or just after her last nap of the day. This may help with a goal that is less under my control - 4. Sleep? Success is optional. Effort is not. Baby has not been sleeping well but supposedly AM and PM sunlight can help so we'll do that and cross our fingers. I'm also trying to understand appropriate wake windows, total nap time, and total wake time that is appropriate for her age and nail those. And I'm continuing the gentle (like, this baby has barely fussed for a minute without being consoled) sleep training we've been pursuing for a month. It almost worked like a week ago but then she lost it again aaaaah I want sleep without taking sleep shifts and never seeing Mr. Griz. Bonus tiny baby pic

The last week of the challenge was A DOOZY. We had been worried about baby's weight gain and she had finally started settling into a slow gain but on a consistent curve and I chilled about it for all of 2 days. Then... We got sent to the ER from baby's 2 month appointment for abnormal eye movement. After a night in the hospital, and EEG, an ultrasound on her brain, and an outpatient opthalmologist appointment, she was diagnosed with a congenital eye condition which will mean she is at least developmentally delayed in visual milestones and will likely have moderate to severe visual impairment, possibly up to being legally blind. MIL had started helping out again and I got out of the habit of doing things, then she got in a car accident and stopped coming and things kind of fell apart. We very much fell off the not eating out bandwagon in the process. I've been struggling mentally and got diagnosed with postpartum anxiety after talking to my doctor about it even though my depressive symptoms that were pretty strong the first month or so mostly leveled out so I passed PPD screenings. I'm planning on, beginning Tuesday, taking 2 weeks off work with vacation I still have stowed up, and possibly an additional 2 weeks if they'll approve unpaid leave, to try and manage the new baby diagnosis (may be appointments, may be just recovering from a hospital stay and coming to terms with it) plus take care of myself and my PPA. Sooo yup, let's see, back out of work, back out of chores. At least I left the house with baby for non medical things three times during the challenge! Better luck next time?

Slept the entire time! I also impulse bought a more newborn friendly carrier yesterday and omg it is so much more comfortable, and she settles in it much faster and stays in place better. And Mr. Griz has been learning to carry her in the ring sling, which he prefers. The ability to carry her hands free, even if it's only while she's sleeping.