Angelcakes

Well. This challenge has gone sideways. I have learned that I actually have a heat sensitivity, and since I live in SoCal, the extreme heat of the summer really made me want to die. Like, literally die. Couldn't breathe; couldn't get out of bed...it was terrible. Needless to say, I didn't get to do any strength training because, seriously hot. Yoga didn't happen, either, though I occasionally thought about it. As to mental health. I started on Zoloft towards the beginning of this challenge. It worked well for about 2.5 weeks, then began to taper off in effectiveness. While I was taking it, I had a bunch of terrible side effects (well, terrible for me). I took myself off it because my depression was stronger and I didn't want to hurt myself. Plus, I was really tired of the extreme acne and the photosensitivity. I have an appointment Wednesday to (hopefully) get things sorted out. I also made an appoint with a new RA specialist for the end of September. Within the past few days, my hands have swelled and started giving me some pretty major issues, along with my big toes (which were already diagnosed with bi-lateral DJD; but, their cramping, now. And that's weird). So, that's my update. I've sorta failed this challenge, but have won a small bit at life and figuring out what's going on. I have, however, lost weight, so I'm doing something right!

Happy to report that my neurologist prescribed me Zoloft for my anxiety issues. Today is day two of the medicine and, aside from an emotional discussion regarding pro-choice that stems from my teen years (clarification: I didn't have an abortion, but I'm very pro-choice) that sorta toppled me a little, I actually feel amazing! I had no idea that your brain could actually BE SILENT for long periods of time and let you do things! I feel very free... I even tried to induce an anxiety spiral of normal proportions for me, and my brain was like, "NOPE! This is the Awesomeness that is Angelcakes! Go away, Negative Thought Beast! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!!!!" ...and my next thought was, "Holy crap, I'm possessed!!!" So, it's been really good. And even though there was an emotional stressor in that discussion, I rebounded way more quickly than I normally would have. So, yay Zoloft! Please don't stop working for me! I have yet to actually do yoga this week. >_< Failing in that goal...but, I did do a kettlebell routine and I actually had DOMS yesterday!! <3 I miss DOMS.... We may go to Disneyland this evening, not sure yet. If not, I'll do the kettlebell routine again; if we do, I'll probably walk a bit...that depends on my feet and fatigue.

Thank you for the tip!! I will definitely check those out! I have a DVD for some MS workouts, but I like to workout while doing other things (rather than watching a video). Plus, I get bored with seeing the same people all the time. I did a small kettlebell workout this morning (since I had wonderful insomnia and was awake). It was 10reps with a 5lbs KB, Single Arm Press, Goblet squats, and KB deadlifts. Seemed to go okay, though today's probably not a good day for trying new things... my nerves are firing and causing issues.... :\ Oh, well. I'll try some yoga in the afternoon, probably.

I keep missing the very start of the challenges. They're offset from my school schedule and I never remember by how much. It's summer in SoCal and it's disgustingly hot, which makes just existing difficult for me. I'm hoping I'll have more answers after my Wednesday appointment, but so far, we just know I have progressive neuropathy that's being caused by an auto-immune disorder. I used to be a Warrior, you see. I'm still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that two years ago, at this time, I was planning to not only run a 10K in 2013, but also start entering powerlifting competitions. I was in a car accident in April of 2013 which left me with torn ligaments in my right ankle; surgery fixed those in January of 2014, and then the auto-immune began to manifest in October. It's a struggle, I won't lie. I used to bench 115lbs; now, I can barely hold on to a glass. On good days, I can lift 5lbs. Because it's so hot here, currently, I can't run. But, I don't want to lose progress. So, here are my challenge goals for the next five weeks: GOAL #1: Improve Muscle Strength It's so very important that I maintain muscle strength throughout my entire body. I enjoy running and I enjoy lifting; and I can't do either of them the way I used to, so I need to do something different. For the next, well, five weeks, now, I want to incorporate a 5-lbs kettle bell workout into my routine 2xs a week. I need to find one, of course, but I'm a researcher, so I'm sure this won't be a problem (I'm also a procrastinator, so it gives me something to do when I should be doing homework). If I was sure I could get back to my normal weights, I would; but I do not have that guarantee and I'm quite hard on myself when I miss goals. GOAL #2: Improve Inner Peace I need to do yoga. Period. We have a lovely garden in our back yard and there's a fairly good open spot that I could put a mat down and do meditation and yoga. I would like to start doing that over the next 5 weeks, 5xs a week. It should help with flexibility and maybe help calm the ridiculous cramps in my right leg (which is the leg that was damaged in the car accident...which is why it's the one that cramps all the time). I would love to be able to do some seriously impressive yoga, like handstands and such; but, again, I don't know if my body will allow for that, safely. GOAL #3: Improve Mental Health I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday this week. I'm hoping that I will be able to convince my natruopath neurologist that the natural route we've been trying isn't working at all. I've had, recently, anxiety attacks that have left me non-verbal; I've had severe focus issues; I've had extreme nightmares that have me waking up, screaming; and I've had incredible insomnia, partially as a result of the horrific dreams. I don't know if the mental health issues are the cause of the neurological issues, or vice versa, but I'm getting to the point where I can no longer function. It's difficult for me to talk about with medical professionals because they never believe me.... I've gone from a mostly ENFP to a mostly INFP, (though I'm really more of an ambivert). Within the next 5 weeks, I would like to find a mental health plan that works for me and stay on it.

Okay! Here's how the challenge panned out for me... GOAL #1: Run, you clever girl! Run for your life! I was able to run 2xs/wk up until the week I started my cycle. I haven't been able to run since, due to fatigue or pain. So, I'd say this is actually a win, simply because it's something I look forward to doing and am sad when I cannot. GOAL #2: This is rubbish!! Fridge cleaned out and organized! We're not eating out, frequently, unless we have few options (like we're leaving for somewhere and can't eat before we leave for whatever reason). Homecooked is best cooked! This is doing well for us. GOAL #3: Life-Hack - Regenerate the Land for Sustainability Yard is cleaned up! We've still a bit to do before we can plant, but we have the food picked out that we want to grow. Now it's just a matter of setting up the soil to do so! That should be happening within the next few weeks. Even though this was a short challenge for me, I still feel like it was a success! Now...to start tracking weight and measurements more closely! I've gained a little weight, but I honestly think it's muscle weight from running because I still don't eat a lot of food (and what I do eat is usually nutritionally sound).

One more week! This week wasn't the best it could have been, but I still did pretty well, all things considered. My blood sugar is all over the charts. Friday, my blood sugar (about an hour or so after I'd eaten) was 89; yesterday, it was up at 235 (right before I took a nap); and this morning, fasting, was at 113. Yay for weirdness! I'll be monitoring that, as well, over the next month or so.

Intervals on Monday alerted me to the fact I am female and my uterus wants attention. I pushed too hard and then ended up with a crazy bout of terrifying dreams that gave me insomnia. Plus side: I got some artwork done. I haven't gone running since Monday, though, which means I really am listening to my body. The thought of movement makes me nauseated, honestly, so....yeah. Aside from that, eating better (the past couple days of I WILL EAT ALL THE THINGS notwithstanding) and fairly regular in my running. I'm hoping that the weight I feel like I'm carrying will go away after I start actually bleeding. It would make the Flapper Belle dress I'm working on look better, I think. Anyway, that's my update!

I had to skip a few challenges, I think. My health issues were getting pretty bad and the stress was piling up. But, I'm back (late!) for this challenge. My health issues are still there, but they don't seem as heavy. Maybe they're seasonal? Who knows. Maybe I'm just "in remission" or whatever? All I know is I started running training and I'm feeling pretty awesome. I hope to be able to add weights back into my program, but I want to see how I do after a month of consistant running 2x's a week. Plus. Weight. I need to lose it. I'm hoping the diet + running thing will help. And when I say diet, I mean nutritional intake. May 1 is when we start a-trackin' for 30 days. We'll see how THAT goes, but hey! My hubby needs and wants to lose weight, too, so it's a bonus diet & workout partner!

I did intervals twice this week. To me, that's a huge win. I'm having issues with my feet, today, however, but, still. I RAN! I crashed super hard, super quickly, but I slept well, which means I can get my homework done today so I can just relax tomorrow and over the weekend (there's an HP Lovecraft Film Festival here this weekend AND a Penny Dreadful marathon on Sunday!!). I made food today! Baked avocados with eggs. Filling and healthy. I'm going to make a crock-pot sweet potato & egg ... thing... for Saturday. And maybe some papaya coconut ice cream. And kale chips. I have to make kale chips. Still have to physcially clean out the fridge, but that's a project for Sunday during the marathon. This weekend is taken by the film festival and Penny Dreadful-ing, so there's likely to be no work on the yard--and that's okay! We'll get it next weekend.

...and, like a dweeb, I confused Rangers and Druids. Oh, well. It still works because I run outside, in nature!

I'm a little late to the party. That's okay. It's been a rough few months, but they've paid off, education wise. Okay, so...here we go. GOAL #1: Run, you clever girl! Run for your life! I love Dr. Who. I have ever since I was 3 and saw Tom Baker with the kindest eyes I've ever seen on a human. I always wanted to be a companion, but you know what? A companion needs to run. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! So, with that in mind, I'm seriously gonna do it this time and go running at least 2x's per week. I'm not going to let this stupid auto-immune and DJD in my feet stop me. GOAL #2: This is rubbish!! As always, diet is the main part of losing weight. My husbeast had to go back on his blood pressure medications and is not happy about it. He wanted to start getting back into shape and it's always easier when the other person you live with helps with the diet part so you're not the only one cooking all the time--especially when there are days in which you simply cannot. So, the goal is to clear out the fridge and throw away food that is "rubbish"--you know the stuff: nutritionally vapid foods, grains, processed sugars, processed meats, etc--and restock it with good food. Real food. Whole food. GOAL #3: Life-Hack - Regenerate the Land for Sustainability We have a back yard. It's currently a wreck, but we have one, all the same. We want to turn it into a food garden. The goal, over the remaining time of this challenge, is to prep it in order to do just that. There's stuff sitting out there from when we moved in December 2013; it needs raked; it needs tilled; it needs cut back. It needs work. But, if we can, at least, get it to where we can walk through it without risk of bodily injury, that would be an excellent start!

I know we're a few days from completion on this challenge, but I can honestly say... it mostly failed. So, the next six weeks challenge will see a couple of the same goals! Yay for planning! >_<

I cooked and ate breakfast today! It was a turkey bacon & cheese quesadilla on a gluten free tortilla (by Mission Foods...it's the best). I also created art. Remembering a couple friends of mine from college.... Blender Level: 3 http://glitterpwny.blogspot.com/2015/02/to-absent-friends.html

Sorta depressed/upset with myself. It's week 5 (almost over, in fact) and here's where I feel I am: Goal #1: I haven't been able to reliably work out more than 1x/week since I got back from Denver. Goal #2: Not only have I not yet firmed up my Paleo lifestyle, I have rarely eaten more than once per day. I will, however, say that this is partly tied to "listening to my body." I got out of bed, got dressed, got a cup of coffee, and sat at my desk. My pedometer said I'd taken 77 steps...and my energy level was around a 5. I did my homework (and snacked on not THAT great stuff...as in, I probably had a total of 300calories), and then took a shower and got re-dressed. My energy level was SO LOW, I thought I was going to pass out at my desk. Hopefully, I can do A workout tomorrow. I feel really fat and really frustrated. I know other people don't look at me and say "You're obese!" But, I *feel* that way and I'm so frustrated I can't lift. But, if I could lift, I'd be eating way better... I need to figure out how to make pre-made meals for the super-low energy days. Goal #3: I *did* accomplish this and I have my follow up on Thursday the 12th. Life Goal: I have successfully created art every day, in some form or another.

Denver is over. I ended up with a flare up Friday. It was triggered, I'm sure, by only having 2 hours of sleep and spending 2 hours on a plane, and then 6 hours in class. I was in bed by 8:30pm and woke up around 7am Saturday. I was still fatigued and in pain, but not as tremendous of pain as Friday. Sunday, my back was on fire and my bra left a lovely red band where my skin/nerves were irritated. And I was fatigued, severely. Monday was a day spent sleeping a lot and being in annoying levels of pain (around a 7 for me). Today, despite being fatigued, I decided to do my low-key workout. So, I worked out. I'm pretty fatigued and my body was shaking when I finished, but I seem to be mellowing out. Could use a nap, though. :\ Neurologist appointment is Thursday. If I'm still on a flare up by then, we'll see what he has to say....

Well, here it is...week 3! And my suspicions of why last week was a bust were confirmed last night... it's SHARK WEEK for this Druid. This is my monthly shapeshifting event in which I go from the mild-mannered Angelcakes to the Great White Terror of the Deep. Fortunately, it's just a week. The pre-lude to Shark Week is always eventful, providing a preview of things to come...then Shark Week hits and the frenzy gets louder and way more obnoxious. Yesterday, I spent dying my hair blue/turquoise and writing a paper. Today, I've spent crying, randomly, because my emotions have decided to become ADHD. I guess they were feeling left out of the "Issues" room. So! What an adventure! This weekend, I'll be in Denver for school. I hope to get a couple workouts in, but we'll see. Eating took a nose dive last week and, so far, this week, too...because Shark Week. #SharkWeek

This week has been bad for workouts and such. Didn't eat properly this week; only worked out once (so far). The migraine on Monday threw off my week. I'm going to do a light workout today and call it a wash on the week... EXCEPT *I scheduled my neurology appointment *I lost two pounds *I've created art every day. I may not have FINISHED it, but I've created it!

My symptoms vary so much, I just look at my app (MyDays), and that's how I know. The food poisoning triggered me to look and see how far I was from the start of my next cycle...so, yeah. I've been very energy-less and headache....and I have a Bitch Mode switch that is getting triggered easily, lately.... MUST BE GETTING CLOSE TO SHARK WEEK!!!!!!!!!! I'm working on my art, though. I'm knitting a halter top that I hope will look stunning on me at the end of this six week challenge! Eating is still hit-or-miss. Some days I'm really good with it, other days, not so much. I need to figure out a breakfast I can make in advance, freeze, then re-heat for the days I really don't want to stand in front of a stove (or don't have the energy to stand in front of a stove) to make breakfast.

I couldn't do much of anything yesterday....I woke up with a soul-crushing migraine that lasted all day (though the copious amounts of drugs I took abated the pain portion). I got my homework done and I got a new nose screw. That was the extent of my day yesterday. Today, I felt pretty decent when I woke up...fatigued, but that's normal (and it wasn't as bad). So, I did my "light" workout (the seated one) and increased the weights for the arm exercises. Feel pretty good; freezing sensations running through my arms and back, but okay, otherwise. ...and I made an appointment with a neurologist today. It's on January 29 at 2:30pm. Here goes nothing....

Thank you for the encouragement. I thought I was having a relapse this weeken (too soon for MS, FYI). Turns out... It was food poisoning. I will never eat fish at Denny's again. Tilapia Ranchero with eggs & bacon. The tilapia tasted like tears and regret...and about four hours later, I figured out why... Hopefully, I can manage a workout tomorrow. I have a paper to write and an errand to run. Fingers crossed!

I cannot play well enough to try to sing at the same time. So I do one or the other. I'm stal--er, interested in your progress! Congrats on a strong 5 days!

That was not my best decision, ever. >_< I think I just failed the "Listen to My Body" aspect of this challenge. But! I definitely passed the "Workout 3x's per week" part! I failed the "Eat 3 meals a day" this week, but I passed the "Create art every day." I'm just a mix of everything! ...still haven't called the neurologist. My problem is I have 0 symptoms (except for soul-crushing fatigue, randomly), and doctors already don't listen to me. I dunno. I'm not satisfied with the "It's just fibro!" diagnosis from the RA specialist....because I've had fibro for 20 years and it's never given me the issues I've had in the past 3 months. Fibro has never EVER landed me in a wheel chair to enjoy a theme park. Fibro has never given me this level of fatigue. Fibro has never cause bi-lateral DJD in my big toes (within the last 7 years) and Fibro has never made me so weak I couldn't lift a 45lbs barbell. Fibro isn't my problem. It is *a* problem, yes....but it is not what's going on. ...but, what do I know? I'm not the doctor. I'm just a woman who's likely a hypochondriac, right? <sigh> I apologize for the negative update. I'm just really super frustrated and needed a place to vent. Yay for 3 days of work outs and 4 days of art (today's still young!).

I forgot to update yesterday. Yesterday was a good day. I ate 3 meals (I had a very healthy appetite yesterday) and I created a Harley Quinn Nutcracker doll. Because, reasons. I also took "Before" Pictures so I could track progress.... Then, I took my measurements today.... and it wrecked my mood. I'm going to workout, now, and have a salad (missed breakfast).

WHAT the impediment is The inner demon of my mind telling me I'm worthless HOW it impedes goal accomplishment Not only does this voice keep me from creating and sharing art, it keeps me working out and/or eating healthy. WHY it is troublesome This voice is troublesome because it's fully of vitriol, lies, and hatred and I just don't need that crap in my life. The only purpose that voice serves is to keep me in fear and self-doubt. What kind of Dragon Rider would I be if I was too afraid grab hold and jump on?! WHAT will you do to train your dragon to get you where you want to be? In a way, I suppose this is cheating because this is my 'life goal' where my art is concerned; but my plan is to #JustDoArt every day. Whether it's a full-on painting, a simple sketch, a recorded piece of music, or something else (knitting/crochet, sewing project, etc), #JustDoArt. If I can pour my daily spoons into the one thing that scares me most, I truly think I'll be a happier person. I love dragons. My dragon, however, is one of the traditional D&D Black Dragons. It's breath weapon is acid, which he uses to melt away at my self-esteem and happiness. "In combat, black dragons prefer ambushes to straightforward fighting. They are vicious and ruthless adversaries, and their acidic bile can work its way under the heaviest armor with ease." This particular Black Dragon is not my beloved Toothless (who looks like my cat, Midnite). This Black Dragon is more like the Balrog from Lord of the Rings...and, to Gandalf, he "SHALL NOT PASS."

WHAT the impediment is The inner demon of my mind telling me I'm worthless HOW it impedes goal accomplishment Not only does this voice keep me from creating and sharing art, it keeps me working out and/or eating healthy. WHY it is troublesome This voice is troublesome because it's fully of vitriol, lies, and hatred and I just don't need that crap in my life. The only purpose that voice serves is to keep me in fear and self-doubt. What kind of Dragon Rider would I be if I was too afraid grab hold and jump on?! WHAT will you do to train your dragon to get you where you want to be? In a way, I suppose this is cheating because this is my 'life goal' where my art is concerned; but my plan is to #JustDoArt every day. Whether it's a full-on painting, a simple sketch, a recorded piece of music, or something else (knitting/crochet, sewing project, etc), #JustDoArt. If I can pour my daily spoons into the one thing that scares me most, I truly think I'll be a happier person. I love dragons. My dragon, however, is one of the traditional D&D Black Dragons. It's breath weapon is acid, which he uses to melt away at my self-esteem and happiness. "In combat, black dragons prefer ambushes to straightforward fighting. They are vicious and ruthless adversaries, and their acidic bile can work its way under the heaviest armor with ease." This particular Black Dragon is not my beloved Toothless (who looks like my cat, Midnite). This Black Dragon is more like the Balrog from Lord of the Rings...and, to Gandalf, he "SHALL NOT PASS."