Heidi

After a lovely call with Vivian, I had a 3 hour nap that was Just Right. I finished the homework for this week and turned it in, then checked on the draft of the paper that's due Sunday. I'm technically caught up with homework, and that feels nice, too. I sent Kathi some available dates and we put a weekend on the calendar for me to go to Durham and hang out with her and Tim and stroll around the Duke Gardens at the end of the month. I've got the night to myself with no pressure or demands. I'm fed and rested. I'm centered and content. Life is good. ❤️

Last night after the resting-my-eyes period, Nic picked me up for Italian, which was amazing and perfect. He walked me to my aparment after dinner, which is gallant and nice and also new to me. We had tea and ocntinued the dinner conversation. There are a lot of layers to what we talk about, and I like it, and Iike that it still feels intersted without feeling pressured (is this what being a normal person is like?). It was past my bedtime when we said goodnight, and I walked him to the elevator, went back inside, and promptly fell asleep. The morning dawned with rain, and despite the weather and the short sleep, I didn't have any ill effects, and this bodes well. I took my time getting intot the day, and even so was the first one at work. All was well enough. Tonight's meeting with Philosopher James was scheduled to begin at the same time I have a call with Vivian, so I wrote to ask if we could start 30 minutes later, and he wrote back that he's not feeling well, and we traded a few messages and decided to punt all the way until Monday, which is brilliant and means I can call it an early evening tonight. Nic is coming over Friday to help with IKEA assembly, and I am very much hoping that Emily and Landon can come into town and the four of us can do the IKEA thing and I'll make dinner. I am so glad I know Emily. I had some crockpot goulash for dinner and I'm about ready to hit the sack. Life is good. <3

Also, work is a three ring circus without the team lead, who has been out since Wednesday and probably won't be back this week. I am taking the rest of the afternoon off. It's naptime.

The meeting with Philosopher James went well, and we meet again to discuss chapters 2 & 3 tomorrow. Today I got the car report -- she's in excellent mechanical condition. The touch up paint job isn't the best, but can be dealt with next spring. All good. Other meetings were had outside of work. Things are about to happen. Stay tuned.

Unsurprisingly, I woke up later than normal, feeling a little hung over and headachey. I am noticing a trend in GoingOut activities and three different factors are in play: mild dehydration; different tea / food from the usual set; lights and motion and sound. Of the three, I think the dehydration has the biggest impact, and I am noticing that it takes a huge amount of time (and water!) to return to a state of being genuinely replenished. So. More water. More often. Okay, Universe. I have strong tea and it helps. Today I'm meeting with Philosopher James in the afternoon to discuss Philosophical Methodology and I hope to get some more notes on Chapter 1. I still have a first post and reading annotations (due yesterday) to deliver in the Research class, then it's on to this week's work. Each piece is not a lot, but when it gets compressed like this it adds up to a bit of a slog. My goal is to have last week and this week's work wrapped up and delivered no later than Friday afternoon. Vivian comes this weekend.

Made bread and then read some Philosophical Methodology, then went to see The Taste of Things (French, with Juliette Binoche and beautiful landscapes f cooking) at the local independent movie house. It was absolutely wonderful. Back home, I took an Maxalt, then sat and listened to Lorena McKennitt and made some notes, then Nic came over to try out the bread with me. It’s an okay enough batch, but I think the oven is running a little cool. I’ll up the temperature a bit next time. We ended up eating bread and talking about the paths we had walked in our lives before now, and the afternoon turned to evening and I instacarted a couple filets of salmon with asparagus, and we had dinner together in the apartment with very little fuss or interruption to the conversation. It all felt very genuine and comfortable without being forced or pressured, and neither of us expected it to last nearly as long as it did, and we were both glad we had the time and space to trade tales. I’m liking making bread, and seeing movies, and I am even liking hanging out with people in my space. All of this is new and yet good. The indie movie house is running a series of films for National Women’s History Month on Wednesdays in March, and I’ve penciled them into my calendar (A League of One’s Own; Set It Off; Whale Rider; and Marie Antionette) along with the Monday night Art Series (Cleo From 5 to 7; Being John Malkovich; Metropolis; 8 1/2; Hero; Tokyo Story; The Mirror; and 2001: A Space Odyssey). All told, between the resurgence in movies and the extended hours for the museums, it looks like there’s plenty for me to do to get out and about that fits all my nerdly socialization goals for the next challenge or two. This is nice and good. This is the Way. I’m very sleepy, and very content, and also have some optimism around the edges. Goodnight, Nerds. ❤️

A bonus car on Bonus Day. Thank you for sharing the alarm. The car buying trip went well, and also wiped me out. No trip to the museum, but it’s all good. Perhaps a trip soon. Hi, and apologies for the silence. I slept early after getting home on Thursday, and then Friday crashed in with the other half of a compressed work week due to time off, including some random “oh by the way, here’s this thing, please get it asap.” Um, no. My team lead was out sick for a third day in a row, and he would ordinarily have handled this. I took a cursory look at the project between already scheduled meetings, and declared that I could do it that afternoon If And Only If the overtime was approved; otherwise, it would be Tuesday afternoon. The lead of the other team was all like “what even needs to be done? Is there really any work? Why is it taking until Tuesday?” Whatever, friend, it takes what it takes. After I logged out I had Philosophy session with James and then closed the lid and met Pinball Nic for dinner and a catch up, which turned out to be a date, but I was (typically) so dense I didn’t realize that until he was walking me to my car after dinner. It was kind of nice. I had plans to see the local museum today, but I’m still wiped from the week, and behind in my homework. I didn’t do my homework, but I did set up a batch of bread for the first time since August, set up a batch of goulash in the slow cooker, and I emptied three moving boxes and put the things away. Then I put together a Philosophy & Star Trek draft on “Our First Duty is to the Truth” lecture that Picard gives Wesley. It’s looking more realistic that I’ll start the Philosophy and Star Trek public philosophy group, possibly as soon as April. James says that Neal, the chair, doesn’t seem to expect to do Qualifying Exam things until Fall, so that gives me a lot of peace and also some breathing room over the summer to really dive into the topic and fill in some gaps. After all that, I had a headache that needed Maxalt and a three hour nap. I felt much better when I woke up, but I still haven’t been able to focus or hold a decent thought. Even trying to watch an episode was a wash. I did a load of laundry, and just kind of poked around the apartment; I can’t seem to be properly tired. Despite not going sightseeing on Thursday, I still managed to get over 5000 steps in, and did that again on Friday. Today was only 3500, which isn’t bad for having a not-moving, just-nap day, and i suspect Sunday will be more of the same. I really need to finish the homework for this week, and also I want to go to the theatre around noon to see The Taste of Things, a movie featuring two of my favorite things: cooking and Juliette Binoche. Much love friends. ❤️

Today is Car Pickup day, and I woke up early and refreshed. I logged in to work to schedule the upcoming communications about some releases and system updates (typical Thursday work fare), and the friend will pick me up around 10 to drive across the state and fetch the car. Depending on how he wants to do the day, I might make use of the time to visit the Poe museum. It's going to be a long day, all told, but a good one. I'm pretty excited to have the car, and I've scheduled a once-over with my regular mechanic on Tuesday next week. I have until Thursday to return the car and cancel the deal. No walk this morning, and unless I end up sightseeing, I don't expect to have many steps today, and that's all okay. Last night I worked on research homework and have it about half done, which feels solid. The air is cool and crisp this morning, and the sun is shining for the first time in days. The rain will likley ocme back tomorrow, but I plan on enjoying every minute of this beautiful Bonus Day that the Universe sends every four years. ❤️

From yesterday, stuck in the buffer: 5 stars; highly recommend. I lose all track too, way too easily. I like that you have a chime on your computer. I don't know if mine can do that or not, but I think I'll look into some Alexa skills and see if she has a temple bell sound. I read the final chapter of Quine and made Good Notes over lunch, and this felt solid and centered. It was just the right amount of time at just the right part of my day. Work is a little frantic, with UAT and final month things happening on The Very Big Project all while the regular release cycle is closing and the Team Lead is out for a second day, feeling ill. I wish him godspeed and good health, and the centeredness has carried me through the chaos today. I'm not immune to my coworkers' panic, but I do seem to heave a heathly inoculation against it, and this is nice. I'd like to cultivate that, and I think the walking and mat meditations are doing some heroic work. I got an email from Philosopher James this afternoon asking to bump this evening's reading schedule out until Friday, and of course I said yes. I already have the reading done, and this helps build in some breathing room for the Research Class things that are due Friday.

Same. I didn't know there were other ways to do it. Aw, shux. Thank you. ❤️ Being associated with the Temperance card is lovely; thank you for this gift, and this inspiration to go look at some various differnt interpretations of Temperance across decks. One of my favorites is in the Wildwood deck, where it is named Balance and quite neatly recreates the Caduceus with the person-head as the base. What book did you read?

Full moon in Libra, to boot. No wonder I felt all vibey and close to the people in my life. I slept well last night. I only made it through half the ShoGun episode before I knew it was time to go to bed. I laid down and closed my eyes, and had a moment of wondering if I would be up and down again like the night before, and then *poof* I was asleep. This is good; this is the Way. FitBit says I slept from 10:30 to 6:45, which is a nice solid sleep schedule (I stopped using an alarm of any sort when my then-current FitBit died in March of 2020). I felt refreshed but not exactly lively when I woke up, which is pretty solid for a "waking up" space. While I was making tea, I noticed a couple now-empty boxes that need to go out, and I decided to take advantage of the break in the rain to take them to the dumpster, then kept walking afterwards to the courthouse and back. It's supposed to start thunderstorming again soon and then last all day, as if the rainy weather is only pausing to gather itself into a proper storm. On my walk, I passed a bailiff who came out to raise the flag and a few other court workers making their way in from one parking lot or another, and each one said a brief variant of "Good morning," or "have a nice day" or "get those steps in while it's still dry." I find this incidental connectedness restorative and lovely. It reminds me of the intro to Sesame Street, when the camera pans across regular neighborhood people doing their regular neighborhood things, waving at the camera as it comes up and then moves along. We are here; we are seen; we are part of Neighborhood Things. The windows of the Loft are more directly in line with a church nearby, and while I sit in the library, I can hear the bells toll the hour and the half-hour. I like this as a way of marking my time in the day. The tea is ready and the bells are letting me know that it's time for the workaday tasks. I feel centered and whole. This is the Way. ❤️

I read a chapter and took Good Notes. I kind of wanted to just flip in front of the television, but I realized I only needed another 1500 steps to my quasi-goal of 5000, and I kind of felt stiff anyway, so I put on my shoes and walked down to the courthouse on purpose. It was nice. Going without arriving is the Way.

Work went on a terribly long time, with meetings all afternoon until later than I usually leave, and then, after I left, a coworker pinged me about joining an EvenLater meeting that was on our calendars that I had somehow forgotten about because I am living on vibes and also can’t seem to get warm. I logged back in and went to that meeting as well, and even with having Thursday off, I’ll likely need to take half of Friday to avoid overtime this week (I am absolutely avoiding overtime this week). I am a bit worn out. There’s a chapter of Quine to read and then I might just go full on rainy-day and wrap up in blankets and watch the new ShoGun. I made a payment on the furniture card, and this feels good. I’m too tired to get more steps in just now, so spending the time reading for a bit is in order. With tea. ❤️

I am really glad I took a walk yesterday morning. The cold damp grey rain set in around 11, and the rest of the day just melted into a lot of work at a steady pace and rainy-day vibes. I didn't do much after work except think and meditate, and I was feeling a little woowoo, to be honest. It was sort of like being in meditation without doing meditation, and I couldn't get to sleep until nealry 4, but somehow that didn't matter since it all felt very connected to the universe and restful. I swear I'm not on drugs. This morning the mood is the same. I woke up after 4 hours of really good rest, and was quietly optimistic as I made tea and logged in and found that the Team Lead was out and wanted me to run a couple things. All good, and I set my head to the tasks at hand. It's been like this all day, and I'm not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I'm not upset in the slightest. It's still raining. I have about half the steps I'd like to get today, and with the weather being what it is, I might not hit anywhere near the goal, and that's okay too. Some days are like that. I wrote Philosopher James and asked if we could meet a little earlier on Friday since I'll be catching up with a friend over dinner on Friday at 6. I haven't heard, but in any event, all will be well. There is plenty of time. I have two more chapters of Quine to read before tomorrow evening, and I'll likely focus on them tonight, with tomorrow being dedicated to readings and lectures for the research class. It's supposed to stay rainy, chilly, and grey for the next ten days, so it's a good time for catching up on reading and drinking lots of tea while wearing fuzzy socks. I'm very grateful that the single break in the forecast is on the day that I have to drive across the state and back to fetch my car. Thank you, Universe. I'm pretty content, overall. ❤️

This always makes me sad, but also concerned. Every time this happens, it's the whole fruit supply for the year, just wrecked, and of course it means the fruit blossoms won't feed the bees, and then I'm down in a ClimateChangeDoldrums mood. Kind makes my Druid heart sad and mad at the same time.

All of this is so very good and helpful. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you're not here to do a fifteen-minute performance; this is your whole life program. I'm very encouraged by these pieces in the last two weeks. Keep leaning on what works, and what helps. You're doing so well. ❤️

It took about an hour to fall asleep last night, but when I did, it was the best sleep I've had in this space yet. FitBit says I fell asleep a little after 10 and woke up just before 7. This is a nice schedule, and something I can definitely work with. I put on my shoes and had some tea and went on a walk on purpose, nothing dramatic, just around the long city block that includes the courthouse and police station. It took about 15 minutes and was about 1500 steps, not even three-quarters of a mile, and that's all to the good. That makes three on-purpose walks this week, and I like it. This is the Way. I logged in and started work on my Research Progress Statement, which includes a concept map graphic that was tripping me up. I felt like I had all the time in the world, and this was helpful in clearing the anxiety-clutter; once the deck was cleared mentally, the rest of it became straightforward. This is the Way. It's only worth 20/400 points, but these are the pieces that feel formal, and that can trip me up, getting hung up on if I'm doing a good job, or doing enough. This class is really providing an excellent vehicle for working through my anxiety and imposter syndrome issues and seeing where they are holding me back from my goals. Work today is good. I metioned at scrum that I would have something no later than the end of lunch, since I probably wasn't taking lunch today. "No, take a lunch, my team lead said. "Well, yes, and I 100% agree with that, and also, I am out on Thursday, and I can have all the time off that I can afford, so I'm working longer days before I go." "Oh, right," he said. I could almost hear his mental note to address that at his next meeting with the higher-ups. The maintenance guy came to tighten the screw on my bathroom door -- the top hinge came away from the housing and the second hinge was hanging on by a thread last night. I tightened things up so that they weren't at the straining point, but it wasn't exactly fixed, and I put in a maintenance request. While he was here, he hauled one of my tall bookcases upstairs to the library for me. I am blessed. Per the norm on days when I walk in the morning, I am calm and content and also 100% ready for a nap. I've got salad fixings for a working lunch. Life is good. ❤️

Glad you're going on a bit of a jaunt. 🙂 Latcho drom, Dear Ranger.

❤️ It makes me happy too. 🙂 I started winding down around 7 by neatening the house from the visit weekend, and then turned taking the trash out into an intentional 15 minute walk. While I was out, I took a picture of the new statue of Henrietta Lacks that the city put up, and it felt nice to be exploring in my own familiar space. I walked back and brought up the mail from the weekend and sorted it, then unrolled my yoga mat for the first time in over a year and did a mat meditation. It was really nice, and a lovely way to end the weekend. I'm looking forward to intentional walks and mat meditations as part of my life again. Rest well, Nerds. ❤️

The funny thing is that I have two or three "previous" remotes that work just fine. Monkey brain was making a problem where there wasn't one. I still haven't found the remote, but we watched TV just fine and it was grand. You are blessed 🙂 The visit was great. She is settling into ownership of the new space and it is really nice. I think we'll be getting a twin of the chaise lounge that she chose since we like watching and gaming next to each other best, after having tried out several combinations. IKEA will end up sending me Christmas cards, but that's a purchase for after I've recovered from the dining room purchase (and thankfully not nearly as expensive). I am very content. ❤️

Sending good vibes for a lovely outing that is easy, smooth, and restorative. ❣️

I love this and will absolutely be adopting it, up to and including creating a nest to tuck the laptop and mouse into. Thank you, you are wise. Lord, y’all, I’m tired. Friday mornings are always a bit of chaos, at work and at home. There’s the weekly rush to make sure the cleaning can get done, and of course this week that means a lot of quick, dashing organizing and moving things since nothing is set to rights yet from the move. I also am still finding my rhythm of where I need to physically set up while cleaning is going on, something that used to be figured out but is one of those things that I don’t know anymore yet. I would like to say, loudly and proudly, that I have weekly housekeeping. I highly recommend it, and think anyone who works a full time job should see this as a necessary expense of that job. If you have a house-partner, you guys can split the housekeeping bill; this shouldn’t be seen as something that PersonX of a home-unit has to bear the cost of. @Ann of Owlshire mentioned that most of us don’t feel like we are allowed to have housekeepers and then don’t admit it when we do. I felt both of these, and so I’m proclaiming it: I have housekeeping staff every Friday morning, and I’m worth it, and having a full time job makes this not only reasonable but required. At work on Friday mornings, there’s the end-of-the-week wrap up and planning meetings that seem to be expanding in scope to the point that they are everywhere all at once, and this morning I had two meetings I didn’t even know about, but was supposed to lead, and that leads to a lot of scrambling. I still have some loose ends to tie up with the move: taking the move-in checklist to the office and dropping the keys; picking up the paperwork for my assigned car space and setting up the payment for parking; finding the remote so Vivian and I can watch tv this weekend; assembling the chair so I’m not sitting in her space when we do that. I couldn’t quite get to sleep last night. Just as I would start to drift off, I would wake back up to check some detail or another. Usually I can just tell my monkey brain that yes, that’s a thing alright, turn over and let it go until the morning. After the third round, though, I knew I needed to get up and let the anxiety have its say, especially since the details were wholly irrelevant: how many total points are available for the Research Methods class? I mean, really. This is a non-issue. The key was that I was bouncing all over the place on irrelevant detritus becuase I feel unsettled and not quite moved in and becuase I want to have everything just so before Vivian comes. It’s not going to be just so, and that’s the way of it. It seems that some irritiable insomnia is going around, as @Sovalis was experiencing it, too. I’m sure there’s some sort of astrological explanation, but short of being able to realign the stars, I’ll say Solidarity, Friends! So I got up, made tea, took a short walk around the building, and then settled in to look up some meaningless details that are 100% out of my control (the Greyhound bus to Richmond leave at five in the morning; there are 400 total points for the Research Methods class; and no, I still don’t know where the remote is). It took about an hour of this before I was ablle to settle and sleep, but once I got there, it was good. As usual on Fridays, the heroic push to shore everything up blows through like a hurricane and is just as quickly gone, leaving a wake of stillness and quiet by 10:30 or so. I am always just about ready for a nap around that time, and this week is no different. I have therpay every Friday during lunch, and this week the afternoons have been jam-packed with a bunch of training that is leaving me even more nappish than usual. The trainer is particularly soporific. The car loan needed a couple verification documents that I gathered up and submitted, signed the financing contract and made the downpayment, and all that remains is to get to Richmond on Tursday to get the car and the keys. I definitely need a nap. ❤️

I have experienced and encountered all of these -- even now I don't "want to admit" that I have housekeping. It feels extravagant. It feels like I'm lazy. It feels like I'm spending my money unwisely. NONE OF THESE THINGS IS TRUE. The housekeepers come on Friday morning and I am grateful to my bones for them! (I will be repeating this in my thread) I understand being overwhelmed and feeling super awkward about hiring cleaning staff. It took several differnt attempts to find the right combination of help and then the right people for the job. (Anyone remember the two different crazy ladies that I went through in the attempts for help with "home organization"? Lord, what a ride.) Happy to help listen and be part of the process if you decide to go this route. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Just like finding the right therapist, it's a process, but is absolutely worth the effort and expense. ❤️

Bought a car, insured it, arranged for shipping, and signed up and paid for a parking space. All from the tub. May have been overheard saying "Fuckit, let's buy a car."

I like the idea of tucking the computer away for the night. It's practical, and it also has a sense of ritual. ❣️ The afternoon was very long. Too many meetings that were just impossible to engage with, but had to be attended. After work, I laid down in the dark on my bed and just waited for energy to return enough to run a bath. The bath was restorative, just enough. I bought a car, arranged for shipping, and insured it, all while still in the tub. I have to go across the state to pick it up from the closest dealership on Thursday. After the bath I felt much better and moved three small bookcases and two console tables up to the library, then placed some of the living room furniture where it might live, including the square coffee table that is a bit of a beast. All told, it's looking more like an apartment, though there are still boxes stacked in what will be the dining room. I feel very content with what I got accomplished. I have three chapters of Quine to read before tomorrow evening, and I might ask James for another extension. I'm spent. Life is good. 🦋