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About RisenPhoenix

  • Rank
    Wielder of Esperacchius
  • Birthday 11/19/86


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    Medford, MA


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  1. RisenPhoenix Fights a Calamity

    I mean, yea, it's great they want me full time, and I am glad that they are being blunt with me. But it doesn't help my anxiety levels and psuedo-PTSD from my long unemployment stint. Gathering motivation and energy to search AGAIN after becoming so comfortable here is.... not a great feeling. And it's probably contributing to why I feel so mentally drained at the moment. It's really strange for me to get my anxiety pangs (as in, physical symptoms of my anxiety manifesting) driving into a job I enjoy. I should probably go back on the anxiety meds until I get things sorted again. Which is a whole other thing I don't want to deal with. So yea. I'm kind of a mess, and I have no motivation or energy to do much of anything. The semi-enforced break is nice, but I feel like I need something longer. But my eating has been pretty terrible, so I should get back on the exercise wagon in a vague attempt to outrun my fork. I do think I need to scale things back right now though, and focus on good sleep habits. This is vaguely like when I dropped lifting the last time so I could focus on sleep. I suspect something similar will happen this time - though maybe I'll still try lifting once a week. Dunno. Then again, looking at my food choices over the last week I am now realizing things aren't terrible. Wednesday and yesterday were a wash. Wednesday I got the news that I might not have a job in December. So I allowed myself the day to wallow and emotionally eat. Yesterday was taco day at work. I ate a lot of taco meat and veggies and guac. I gave up counting after that meal. I'm just super tired feeling like I'm fighting everything in my life. The last few months were incredibly calm and a reminder of what life could be, and it's just all come crumbling down in a very short period of time. I'll survive. I always do. It's just tiring.
  2. Night time eating

    I haven't had that happen, but it's not a totally weird thing. What I would say you're doing wrong is eating though. Not because it's bad, but because you're now training your body to expect food at late night hours. Try drinking a liter of water when it happens again. Or maybe try upping how much fat you consume at night for dinner. Fat leads to higher levels of satiation (so you feel more full with less substance), so that might help curb your body demanding food late at night.
  3. Whats your breakfast?

    Coffee and a liter of water. Though after lifting I'll usually have some cottage cheese and some fruit. Maybe some hardboiled eggs. My breakfasts are pretty tame these days.
  4. Quick question regarding carbs and working out...

    To lose weight you need to be in a caloric deficit. It doesn't matter if that's because you stay away from carbs, fat, or protein. Most people easily overeat bread/rice/pasta/delicious things, so avoiding those are ways people can semi-easily get to a calorie deficit. Also - remember that fruit and vegetables are carbs. Carbs are not evil. Now, the main point is... this is bogus. Carbs are an energy source. You won't lose muscle mass by not eating carbs. You will lose muscle mass if you're in a caloric deficit and not eating enough protein to provide a repair source to your worked out muscles, which is why when people are cutting/in deficit the recommendation is a higher protein diet. Fat and Carbs can really be whatever values are wanted, assuming they don't bring one above their TDEE. Now, should you eat carbs before a workout? Depends. I typically do fasted lifting and stadium workouts and have no issue with it. That said my hour or two of aikido tends to be terrible if I don't have some carbs/food before hand, because my energy tanks. I could get into glycogen storage/recovery things, but ultimately it boils down to if you feel gassed half way through your workouts even though everything else is fine and normal, then maybe you need some carbs pre-workout to get yourself moving. If you feel fine, then you probably don't. Play with it and see. Or don't. But whoever told you muscle mass will be lost without carbs wasn't telling the truth. (Now, carbs definitely help with BUILDING muscle when you are trying that - because you can eat a whole lot of calories to help being in surplus with minimal food stuffs, pretty cheaply. But that's a totally different can of worms.)
  5. Any info on artificial sweeteners?

    I'd guess the bubbles/sizzling is from airpockets in the crystals themselves as they dissolve. Either oxygen or CO2 released - think PopRocks to a lesser degree. Not sure of the synthesis mechanism they use, or the extraction/purification protocol, but I'd lean towards that, rather than it being a surfactant.
  6. What is your opinion on protein bars?

    I mean, "are they healthy" compared to snickers and Mars bars? I guess. It's not exactly a clear cut distinction you're asking for. They are probably about as healthy as a protein shake, which some people will tell you aren't healthy while others are downing them all the time. The *better* question is will they help you achieve your current goals, and I can't answer that since you haven't stated what your goals are. Like I said, though. If you're gaining they look good. If you're losing, less good but still not the worst.
  7. RisenPhoenix Fights a Calamity

    Honestly, I tried them a while back and was not impressed. It felt just like m&m shells in my PB cup, and that wasn't an amazing thing in my opinion. I love pieces by themselves, and I love PB cups. Together they were underwhelming.
  8. RisenPhoenix Fights a Calamity

    Went to the dojo last night. It felt like it had been an eternity... but it had only been 4-5 days. It was good to be on the mat, but I'm glad I decided ahead of time to only do one class regardless of who taught second/showed up/because I suddenly felt like it. It helps that I started to feel exhausted halfway through the class - probably because I didn't eat much yesterday. Sometimes I forget how much fuel I need to be functional at aikido. I also managed to squeeze in an errand before class - to grab more cleaning supplies for the inevitable bathroom cleaning. I also bought a reese's PB cup. Because I could. Deal with it. After aikido I took it easy. I called my grandmother because it was her birthday, and probably should do so more frequently anyway (besides just seeing her at family events). She was thrilled about me calling for her birthday, but possibly more thrilled to talk about Game of Thrones with me. Have you all ever seen a quintessential British nanny geek out over dragons and beheadings? Because let me tell you, it is an odd, odd, entertaining sight. This week at work is pretty relaxed, which I like. No crazy emergencies, even if a few odd things dropped into my lab. Met with my boss this morning to go over things, and I think we're finally on the same page on some of the bigger experiments. I also asked her how frantically I should be sending out resumes. On the plus side, she's really, really going to bat to try and get me brought on full time. On the downside, she also admits that she doesn't know if the woman I'm covering for is coming back, and if she is how complicated it is to get approval for a new Full Time person. She did say that if the woman I'm covering for doesn't come back, then yes I have an insta-job. But she and I agreed I should start sending things out to cover my ass, though she also said we could probably extend my contract a bit, too, even if they don't bring me on full time. So. Time to start dusting things off. Goodie.
  9. RisenPhoenix Fights a Calamity

    Yup, I feel much better after not existing all weekend, and I'm trying to extend that while I work this week. It felt weird when I got home yesterday a little after 5 instead of 8, and realized I could so some chores and what not and still relax reasonably well. Part of me is twitchy and thinking of going to the dojo tonight, but I'm not sure if that's habit or an actual desire. Really working to just keep things chill. This is what I keep telling myself. My only fear is I'll get too comfortable with not doing things. Guess we'll see what happens. I won't lie, the strength of my "OH HELL NO" when J texted me was shocking to me, since you know I can puddle pretty well with you guys around. Kind of contributed to my thought about how important it was for me to take a step back from all the things. Food yesterday ended at 2200 calories, and that is mostly because I had 1) junk food at work and 2) I ate a pint of Halo Top. That.... I'm honestly unsure how I feel about that. Without those items I would have been at 1600 calories, which is wellllll below where I should eat, even on inactive days. But at the same time, I don't know if I care *that* much. I was content with what I ate, felt satiated, and my macros looked decent, if a bit lower than I'm used to. I'm trying to not over think it. Not good if I intend to do aikido for several hours at night after work, but I'm not entirely hating the concept when I'm inactive. Guess we'll see if I get more hangry at night as the night progresses. Today right now I pretty much fasted from 8 or 9PM last night to 12PM today. Not a crazy fasting window, but 15 hours without really pushing for it is... interesting. I did have a late morning banana, but that was it. So strange. We'll see how the rest of the day plays out. Plans post-work are... who knows. I need to go to the store to grab some cleaning supplies, and it's kind of gross out. Depending on when I get out from work (and I have a light day), I might be able to hit the store, go to the dojo for a class, and then relax at home from 8pm till bedtime. Not a terrible sounding plan in my mind.
  10. Aikido Pre-Training

    I've realized I absentmindedly do these when I'm waiting for things these days. In the middle of a rest set? Kotegaeshi stretch. Waiting for a centrifuge to stop spinning? Nikkyo. Typing a lot and just need a stretch? Suddenly doing some Sankyo on myself. It was really weird when I caught myself doing it at first...
  11. What is your opinion on protein bars?

    I mean, what do you want to know exactly? What you list is pretty much all the stuff you need to know about nutrients, not much more we can tell you. It's a ball of carbs and protein, with some fat, for a reasonable amount of calories. If you're looking to lose weight, the calories are a decent calorie-to-protein ratio. If you're looking to gain weight, I'd say calories are a bit low and the protein could be bumped up.
  12. Am I upping weight too soon?

    I don't know if there is a guide beyond "Up weights when you think you can up weights," since there isn't a really quantifiable way to measure the amount of effort put into lifting, besides using RPE, which is super subjective. If you think you can lift the weights, try lifting the weights. Sometimes we over judge ourselves and end up failing because we aren't ready. Sometimes we just have an off day. If you're having an off day, don't worry about it. Off days happen. If you fail multiple days in a row when you're feeling great, then maybe drop the weight or lower the increments you're increasing by. I'm a wimp when it comes to squats. I make full use of the 2.5 pound plates - and if I wasn't a cheapskate I'd probably be really comfortable with fractional plates below that. Also those rest times are super short. If you're aiming for a more cardio-friendly lifting session that's fine, but resting 30-60 seconds isn't a bad thing. Hell, I rest 60-90 when I lift sometimes. The rest set is supposed to let you recover a decent amount.
  13. Wait The Tin Man is here?

    Tentatively yes? I want a hike. I could use a hike. And Nerds. And since I'm mega-Hermit this week I should be all charged up for peopling.
  14. RisenPhoenix Fights a Calamity

    The subtraction challenge last go around was nice in priming my current thought process. This week I think will show what I really want and need to focus on, or maybe at least reshuffle priorities in my brain. I'm hoping my exhaustion levels will help me avoid my lack of physical activity twitch, which might throw things off otherwise. Guess we'll see. And so yea. This weekend I was an anxiety puddle. A sore, sick, miserable anxiety puddle. It's probably the first time my brain and body agreed I needed a time out - usually my body revolts before my brain. So I did the best puddle impression ever. I slept a lot. Ate kind of whatever I wanted (not that my house has much junk, honestly - Saturday night I went out to get ice cream and I allowed it only because the walk wasn't far and I hadn't eaten much all day). The adulting I did was incredibly minimal, and just enough to get me through the first part of this week (though I did explore getting groceries delivered to me - a good option when I'm burnt out and know exactly what I want from and order). I did end up doing some more adulting Sunday night when I felt more human, but by and large it was tiny things and the moment I felt the need to use willpower to continue, I stopped. Willpower was meant to be recharged this weekend, not used. So I would stop, read, play Zelda (I played a lot of Zelda), watch some TV. Slowly drink my cup of coffee. Just... let myself be. And then I allowed myself to keep doing it all week. I set my alarm for 6:40, rather than the 5:20-5:30 of a workout morning. I let myself slowly drink my coffee and read on my porch. By the time I was done with that it was roughly time to jump into the shower - though I panicked a little when I realized I hadn't packed a lunch. But it took a few minutes, and wasn't that big of a deal. Took a semi-long shower, did all the hygiene things, and still managed to leave the house a little before 8am. Got to work at 8:20ish, which is amazingly fast and I still don't know how that worked. Looking at this week, it's a bunch of prep, more than hands-on work. Which works out great for me, because prep is easy. I can relax a little. Besides that, I'm not planning much this week. I packed a gym bag and a bag for the dojo. If I want to do either option when I'm out of work, I can. Or I can go home. Doesn't matter. Food today is showing I actually do remember how to eat well when not running myself ragged. Eggs this morning for a mid-morning snack, a sandwich and veggies for lunch, some peanuts and an Rxbar for afternoon snacks. I did nibble on a homemade cake a coworker brought in, and some cadbury chocolates from the UK. No regrets on either of those options. I'm still really low on calories for the day, but historically I graze on things when I get home, so that number will jump - but still likely less than I'd need over all. I actually felt surprisingly good about my body this morning, though the weight on the scale said a number I'm usually panicked about (though it was after 2L of fluid, so clearly water weight). So that's where I am on Day 2. I'm keeping as calm and relaxed as possible, and moving things along best I can. Hopefully that'll be a good indication on how this challenge will be.
  15. The Devil of Hell's Kitchen

    Yes, join my aikidoka army! MWA hahahahaha. (We have cookies and punch every Thursday, and the book club is currently on hiatus.) The two hours of studying sound a bit much to me, but I guess it shows how long I've been away from school. But also if you're counting podcasts that shouldn't be too terrible to meet, either. Otherwise it looks good! Also are you 1) In New England, 2) a transplant, 3) Someone who weirdly picked up our lingo?