Emissary2Ornj

First campsite workout this AM (of this trip). Conditions: gravel & dirt, slight slope, 34degF, sunrise Ponder: Thankful for light winter gloves' thin padding. Hands, fingers, and wrists had different stimuli than level carpet flooring. I can tell, hours after. Pleased I was able to work out despite missing a session yesterday. Awareness of working out in public always adds another dynamic. Haven't done it enough to ignore it yet. Also working out in extra layers changes feedback a little. Different stimuli, and different ability to focus on the movements.

Movement Recap reCycle Phases I & II (4 weeks) Problem: I lacked strength & coordination to perform Spiderman Prep and Basic Spiderman; elbows often felt sore, hamstrings and hips were continually tight, squat was restricted. I was spending a lot of time sitting at the sewing machine. I focused on Straight Leg Monkey and Bent-Arm locomotions; increased walks to 3/week, added a whole body mobility routine 3x/week, making sure to include elbow, hip, & foot/ankle work Spiderman reassessment: I am now able to perform a version of this. I love love love all the walking. Elbows and hips are less sore, hamstrings feel longer. Phase III (started 28 Feb) Picked a past session (Bear Leg Thread & Monkey Toe Pull) to re-start the prescribed Elements progression from. Increase Circuits to all 4 locomotions where necessary Use Bent-Arm variations where possible Continuing the same walking schedule, with thoughts toward how I might further increase them to 6/week. Continuing off-day mobility sessions, keeping wrist/elbow, hips, & hamstrings work for maintenance. Other movements/areas that need reassessed/switched up: Change out current neck stretch for a different one Reassess squat to see where restriction is; adjust foot/ankle work accordingly Consider adding a shoulder stretch. I started far enough back that it may take 5-6 weeks to reach the Spiderman workouts again. If I'm able to maintain this Phase for that long, I'll see how far I can go into the new sessions. I'll either continue or adapt. I'd like to walk every available day but I'm unsure how it would fit around Elements and into daily life. I will ponder the possibilities. Soon we'll be moving and I'll be focusing on a new routine and new settings. Phase III may get disrupted before completion. I am aware, and will adapt or abandon. It's amazing how the increased activity has affected my energy levels. I'm not hyper, but I'm able to do more during the day before I "nope!" Real-world benefit: it's resulted in my husband and I eating more home-cooked evening meals together, which is something I highly value. I still get tired, and I still get sore, but the stamina/endurance difference has been noticeable.

Mindset update (Movement update follows if you'd rather skip this one) Surrealness is watching your old cult implode. Triggers: cults, abuse, rant, heavy. I'm okay, lots of other people aren't.

We're planning on not going so far, but whether the next place will be longer term remains to be seen. Hoping, though! Won't be long till we're making those plans.

Sometimes we don't know our own strength. It's nice to have "mirrors". I appreciate the humility of today's #4! That's strength, too.

Consistency since Nov 16 (last graphic) (Graphics are satisfying.) Each line = 1 week ➰ = Elements session done 〰️ = missed session LI = Low Intensity session ➰(trying to do Elements sessions every day x Sabbath) ➰ 〰️➰LI〰️➰ ➰〰️➰〰️➰〰️ ( 〰️〰️〰️👣➰〰️ (took several days off to reset/reevaluate) ➰➰➰(began 3/week) ➰〰️➰ ➰➰➰ ➰➰➰ ➰➰〰️ ➰〰️👣〰️👣👣 (vacation) LI➰👣(resetting after vacation) ➰👣👣➰👣➰(reCycle phase initiated & committed to walking) ➰👣👣➰👣➰ reCycle Phase check-in: Going to spend 2 more weeks here. I want more time to explore Straight Leg Monkey, and build strength with Bent Arm movements. Besides choosing sessions with Bent-Arm movements built in, I can increase Bent-Arm work during Bear free-flow Play or modifying Push circuit Bear. Part 2a of the new phase I didn't mention last post is that my wrists/elbows and hips/hamstrings needed focused mobility attention. I lined up a head-to-toe off-day stretch routine (based on GMB stretches) and am making gains. A-frame-to-squat & modified pigeon stretch feel great on the hips. 2b is committing to a 30-minute walk habit. I have a 1.6mile go-to loop when we're here, and I really want daily or near-daily walking to be a habit. Enjoying this habit so far. Sleep is not uninterrupted or purely restful these days, and consistent physical activity seems to keep my physical energy topped up.

Movement: Elements consistent 3x/week until last week; we dodged the freeze to go south. Maintained consistent movement by walking trails and the beach. Back into Elements this week. Workout space has shrunk (furniture moved into the room) so I redid a recent session instead of the transition-heavy one originally scheduled. Assessment: I'm hitting limits for some of the new moves. Thoughts: I really like Long Legged Straight Leg Monkey and want to spend more time with it. High Monkey is very challenging. Spiderman = nope. Plan (tentative): Cycle through some recent sessions (i.e., hanging out at a challenging but doable level) for a while to build strength and confidence before moving on. Maybe pick 5 or 6 consecutive sessions to cycle through 2-3 times, then reassess. Edit from future me: officially named the reCycle Phase Rationale: I want to increase Bent-Arm strength (elbows!) before I add the complication of staggered hands and lower hips. Need more control in Basic Monkey before progressing with High. Long Legged Monkey is intriguing and very challenging, and I want to spend more time exploring it. This plan fits well with the workout space changing, too, since I won't be adding new transitions. Caveats: All this assumes we're staying put for another month or so... I expect it won't be terribly long before it'll be job hunt time....

Checking into your current version of the (usually challenging, sometimes wild, almost never boring) ride of life with some virtual support. May you find or create every resource you need to prosper through this thing.

Movement: Steady with Elements. Skipped one day of movement this week - no mobility, no walk, no Elements. This felt good (like "Ahhhh, this is niiiice") for my body and brain, and also felt panicky (for that part of me that thinks I must not break a streak, ever. Elements hack: I like to choose the 15 minute version then stop the on-screen timer to work more on the Practice & Play movements. I keep my phone's stopwatch running to gauge how much longer I'm working. It usually ends up being 2-3 minutes per movement total. If I have time and am up for it, I add a second Push circuit. This hack gets me closer to an actual 30 minute workout than actually choosing the 1/2-hour option (which takes closer to 45 minutes), and I feel like I've actually spent quality time on the moves. Win! (I doubt I'm the first person to do this; but I haven't read about it yet so I'll put it out there.) Mindset: Better, whew. I mean, there are ups and downs, and triggers here and there, but better. There was definitely a period of disconnect/disengagement, and maaaaybe that's easing now? Today I got to go to town by myself and it felt amazing. Background: we're a one-vehicle family, and our one vehicle is a big noisy truck. I'm usually content to tag along with my husband if I need/want to go somewhere. But today I took his mom's car to pick up a few things at 3 different places, and it felt so normal. I might have to invoke wifey truck privileges more often. Project: Tunic is constructed! All that's left is installing fasteners for the front and each cuff. Buttons would be most normal, but I really don't want to deal with re-familiarizing myself with my machine's buttonholing feature. I choose snaps! And I think I'm going with pearl snaps. I really enjoyed this project, and I'm happy with how it turned out. I ended up adding a 3rd bold color into the mix and am much happier with the palette now. Hopefully it will be sturdy. I'd like to have about 5 more of these made.

Mindset: Well, that was a quick turnaround. Amazing what a little empathy can do - my husband shared that he didn't know I was going through the same thing until he heard/recognized something I said yesterday while trying to express my bewildered misery. Nothing has changed about our situation, but I feel more connected again where I was feeling very, very lonely and apart. Whew! Mobility twice this week. Modified pigeon stretch feels great on hips. Felt loose and strong after this morning's mobility session. Might have worked the shoulders a bit too much (increasing how much I load them when doing quadruped single shoulder rolls), but I want to build strength there. Stretching them after felt good. Project: Sewing up a tunic-length shirt. The thrifted sheet I wanted to use for fabric had holes and bleach spots on it 😕 so I had to use another color for the back panels. Oh, well - unique, right? I think I'll use that same contrasting color for collar (ha) and cuffs. or at least cuff button plackets... . Today was dart day. It is incredible how long it took to do 6 darts, measuring, marking, pressing, sewing, more pressing. Thanks to Evelyn Wood for her dart-sewing tips on YouTube. As usual, I'm winging it as I go - this pattern is based off a favorite deconstructed blouse that was not tunic-length to begin with. So I had to figure out what to do with the original darts. I ended up lengthening the front ones to the new hem, and mirroring the back ones so they taper at both ends to keep the full fabric width across the back hem. Another mod: I more or less doubled the height of the mandarin collar. Hope that works okay. Tomorrow I should be sewing shoulder, side, and sleeve seams.

Mindset: Struggling. Functioning but struggling. Workouts: 10 Elements sessions since November 16. Basically took a week off at one point. Took a pack walk or two. Experimented with working out in evening; didn't like, I rushed the sessions. Settling into 3 sessions a week, preferably 30 minute sessions each. Body fuel: getting better. Making and drinking more protein kale smoothies. Eating a few more veggies and less bread. The house is getting more consistent attention. The maintenance system seems to be working. Now I want to give more consistent attention to having at least one prepared meal ready for us more often. Current method is one of us batch cooking whenever we get low on cooked food. We just heat up whatever we want out of the fridge. Not a terrible system, but there's little routine, and we rarely sit down and eat a meal together. This is an area I can step up in and want to step up in. I want there to be more intention and planning from me here. It comes with a side quest: navigating cPTSD-rooted toxic shame and anxiety about spousal roles and how "adequately" I fulfill mine, among other things.

Daily Movement (out of possible days since last update): 🚀✖️🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 Elements 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10: Complete (30 m, 15m, 30m, 15m, 30m, 30m) Mobility as needed, between Elements long sessions: once 1 pack walk: 1.5 miles, with extra hills It is working well to alternate Elements session durations. Wrist stamina is catching up quickly. LOTS of shoulder work today (Bear, Monkey, Bear-Monkey and Monkey-Bear transitions). Walk was downhill out and uphill back, about 20 min both ways.

Monday Mobility, shoulders & hips focus: Done Tuesday 1.6 mile Pack Walk: Done, 30 minutes Felt I needed to give my wrists/shoulders a day off, so opted for this. Glad I did. The hills were somewhat challenging, excellent. Elements 4 Crab F&B & Toe pulls 30 minutes: Done Could focus on down-and-back shoulders more specifically this time around. Again, I seem to be more relaxed about exploring the movements versus learning them. Building project: Done!!!!! minus 2 tiny tidying tasks. We're already using it and I love it. Other: pleased with how house maintenance schedule picked right back up. I haven't done everything on the list, but I've done several things, and I'm really pleased with the system. Self-education: There are 2 main areas of interest right now. Permaculture: Currently focused on soil-building and water harvesting (slowing & sinking) specifically. Permies.com is my main source right now. I've gathered enough underpants info to begin planning what I'll do once we have land of our own. C-PTSD: Revisiting this based on how hard I've been struggling against (almost crippling) shame and how stuck I've been in the Inner & Outer Critic pattern for several months now. My faith & Bible knowledge, Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving, and various podcast episodes are my current resources. I'm building on what I've already learned back when I first encountered the term and recognized myself in the symptoms (wow, that was a breakthrough!). In the interest of destigmatizing this stuff, I'm happy to answer questions about this topic, though I'm only an expert on my experience and no one else's. Already, I've learned a skill to head off the Caustic Critic thought pattern, and have practiced it a bit today. Food log; I'm giving this up for now. Logging everything I eat trips the "feel bad about self" switch really easily right now, so I'm going to back off. My fuel choices are probably around 50/50 clean/manufactured "quick" food - not in line with my values, but I'm managing to hang in there by getting a green protein shake in most days. I may do a modified, much more informal log here. Need to examine what the purpose of logging is for me.

Elements 3 Floating Tabletop and Tabletop Pull to Squat 30 minutes: Done TOE PULLS ARE SO HARD UGGGGGGHHHH. /whining *ahem* I'll be glad when my wrists get conditioned to the balancing work again. Not saying they were stellar before, but at least they were used to consistent practice. Left shoulder noticeably less strong than right. Most obviously in 3-point bridge. During Monkey Prep play, I focused on leaning forward more over my hands (working those wrists and getting a sense of balancing over them) and setting my shoulder blades. <-- That's not a tutorial cue that I know of but it felt more solid and comfortable to not hunch my shoulders. To clarify, this is a "rolling shoulders down and back" motion before I place hands to the side on the floor. The movement is more rolling forward over ankles instead of reaching the ground by lengthening arms/shoulders. Then shifting more weight over hands to get brain used to almost-inversion.

Elements 2 Squat assessment & Monkey Prep 15 minutes: Done I like this approach (doing back-to-back Elements sessions but taking the shorter option). I like how I'm not obsessing over understanding the movements perfectly this time around. Since I'm familiar with them (Monkey, for instance), I can notice how I'm loading my wrists or concentrate on tensing core muscles as if I was going to do the full movement. Wahoo, I got to focus on house stuff today. A bit of cleaning here and there but mostly meal prep for the next few days. Really nice to spend some time cooking again.