Terinatum

That was a Flop!

haha

I am managing to slow myself down in regards to harsh judgments, big expectations, and slightly less screen time. I'm also sleeping more per night (still off cycle but getting there). I wander around my goals with food but haven't stepped into anything firm yet. Ah well.

Water is a roller coaster; Outside has been yes, but not consistently; PT is in my daydreams and planning mind only; and Household Chores brings in first place with several days of cleaning and even with some follow-thru.

Yay, I guess.

Not sure what's next for me. Maybe Battle Log vs Challenge? Not sure.

Cheers!

Another slap down from my Brain.

     ... I can't remember my present dreams, but they are pretty vivid and realistic when I'm in them. {I wonder what happens when I'm not in my dream?}...

Anyhow. I climbed back up Wed, had a good day yesterday, and today I'm tripping up to the beat of an old worn-out drum: that old belief that nothing will get better without being saved (paid back) by those that broke me. So I sit here waiting for the 30th day of February to show up and fix everything. It's not as though I don't deserve the back pay. I just have such a hard time convincing my brain it's not gonna happen AND it's not what I actually want.

I want to expend energy to make myself healthier and happier. I want to enjoy hard work instead of treating it like a 4-letter word.

On 8/6/2022 at 6:07 PM, 18ck said:

Hi fives? Meet you half way? 

Sounds like a plan!

🖐️💢🖐️

Hey CK,

Glad the run went fairly well. I can't imagine running in this heat, even back when I ran a lot!

I hope you are doing well back home and enjoying yourself and the family.

Lots of virtual hugs!

Cheers

On 8/2/2022 at 1:54 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Well, yesterday started off less than ideally but it's too late to do anything about it now.

I'm glad you can say this. It's really important to state what happened and keep moving. Well done, WG!

On 7/31/2022 at 12:43 AM, Sovalis said:

Walk, squat, eat.

Made me chuckle! I like it. Great pics too!

Thursday 8/4

Water: 4 cups

Outside: no (I emptied my dehumidifier 4 times !)

H. Chore: yes! T-shirt, bra, and  fleece hand cleaning

PT: no

Reduce Streaming: no (maybe 20 minutes worth)

Friday 8/5     Not going to be easy, but it will get easier as long as I'm putting real effort into this.

Water: 6.25 cups

Outside: no

H. Chore: no

PT: no

Reduce Streaming: yes! I did puzzles instead and some time just sitting with my thoughts. About 2 hours off my  streaming time, I think. 

Hi All,

I've been hiding from reality and waiting for all these days to become my past. I get my dopamine hits from shows and games, and eat proper crap that leads me to those effective sugar crashes and lethargy excuses to do nothing. These are well-rehearsed tools I have used for decades. The last 5 years, I've been using  them fairly exclusively. Letting go of them is hard AF. My body can't take much more of this. My heart wants so much more for myself. I'm the only one in my way now. It's time to stop hiding.

Goals:

Water - 6 cups per day (80%)

Outside - everyday for more than just the walk to the store (80%)

Reduce Streaming - chop off an hour a day of shows (80%), add 1/2 hour chunks to this goal each week.

Household Work - one thing per day (80%)

PT - one exercise per day (80%)

Thanks for stopping by and cheering me on! Love you NFers.

Well, that was interesting!

Okay, not so much but it was truly important.

First solid cry of the year. Complete!

Truer acknowledgment of fearful behaviors. Check!

Wanting more than just treading water. True!

Goals:

MOVE: I know it's hot and really humid, but it's gotta be done.

READ/WRITE: Cogitate on emotional breaking from the fantasy of perfection.

WATER: YYESSS!!!

ENJOYMENT: Please. Remember the good moments and write them  here. No discounting the little things either!

NF ACTIVITY: try to stay connected here more to help see me through the whole challenge.

For your bouncing enjoyment!

Sorry for the disappearance.

My week started with a sour stomach that wouldn't let up. That has passed but my bad behaviors are still causing me troubles. I want to get back to no soda and no candy bars again.

I have new running sneakers coming this week so I'm psyched about that. I really wanna run again, even if it's jogging/walking. I can't do that in my current sneakers as they don't have ankle support. After my hike the other day, it became quite apparent.

I also have to reconsider how much I share my vehicle as it limits when I can jump in the car and go swimming at any given moment. Not sure what to do as I committed to sharing it. K needs to settle into her new workplace and then we'll see.

Challenge is a bust but, I'll be keeping my challenges going as they help more than hinder me!

Thanks, Nerds!

11 hours ago, fearless 2.0 said:

HUG

Right back atcha!
My drawing date had to cancel, I had to cancel my swim date due to intestinal distress, and then I got stuck in anime. But I turned on some ELO (Time album first and then the Best of Album) and sang and even danced in my living room until I had a good sweat going! Yay, me.

Still need to figure some steps to take with eating at home,  but so far not feeling overwhelmed about it. 😁

Rough week of rebellion but playing for the unhealthy side!

But I'm better again and working in the direction I want.

Yesterday, I went for a hike with B, and swimming too. It was my belated birthday present. I was wicked sore after, but happy. The fresh air was magnificent. 

Slept like crap b/c my feet and legs were so messed up! lol

Today, I took a walk just now to keep my legs warm and used.

Need to get to healthy eating experiments!

Cheers!

Rest well, my Dear!

5 hours ago, 18ck said:

*Rings doorbell*

Hello! Is anyone at home? 

Yeah, I'm kinda here. Thanks CK.

RANT-ish check-in

I spent Saturday with K&B (former partner, still my person and our nephew who we brought up since he was 12 (now 30... not gonna write it down!). We went to his place, sat outside, went out to eat, bought some Japanese curry cubes, we drove home, I walked the parking lot as she went to the pet store, and  came home and napped! 

Sunday was lunch  outside but no real walk, only water but not enough, too much candy, and no chores that I had planned for. Couldn't sleep until 6 am Monday morning. 

Monday was hard. Got up at 1 pm, stayed in bed playing on phone until 3. Took care of cat, tried to stay away from store/candy and got lost in anime and puzzles. Went with K to do some grocery shopping for real-ish foods, helped her water some friends outside plants (included steep stairs out back (1 1/2 flights I reckon), then got home and drank a bunch of water and took a 3 lb weight out to the living room with me to work on my wrist strength which was miserable. watch anime until now.

I really am scared of reaching for what I want which is to be healthy. I had it for awhile when I was here (@NF) last, but I lost it and it's been years of a sedentary life, trying to escape/deal with the surprise recovered memory trauma. I had surviving cancer as a push to get into shape back then, but now finding my drive and excitement for health is tough and inconsistent as fuck. All that said, I am only going to therapy once/month which is a great improvement that shows I can handle the work more independently so I'm getting there but DAMN it's slow! 🙄😣

I will make it, but I got no clue when or how at this point! HAHA I'm just gonna keep trying shit and see what happens I guess.

Glad you are here and that I'm here too.

Later!

22 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

shredded chicken & cucumber salad

This sounds yummy.

Glad you're doing all that cooking!

You're juggling pretty well though.

Idea: eat clean in the AM to start and see when and where you stray.

How was the short fast run, today?

12 hours ago, 18ck said:

20 hours ago, Terinatum said:

finished the Dopamine book today. I was a little let down

*chuckle* well you should probably have seen that coming! 

LOL Yes, I should  have! Seriously so tired I didn't even realize I had wrote it like that! Thank you! hehe

3 loads of laundry done w/4 flights up of stairs (opted out of elevator ride 6 out of 8 times)

more water than lately but not yet back to 6 cups

no walk - too sticky and tired from stairs/laundry

2 flights of stairs coming back from store

One thought: while bringing in a load of clean laundry, I "knowingly" came close to hitting my new lamp with the basket. I believe I could have stopped and moved differently to avoid the lamp.  I'm thinking that I am "past trauma wired" to be okay with bad things so I was fine putting my cool new lamp in jeopardy. Maybe next year, it won't be fine and I  can correct the movement in the moment. A thought.

18 hours ago, 18ck said:

*realises is posting in wrong thread*

 

*surreptitiously removes text and replaces it with... *

 

Hi! So how did you get on yesterday? 

Not too bad, all thins considered.

I definitely need to get more water into me and I can't drink any more milk products. They make me lethargic as all get out. I quit years ago following a gym workout and it felt good. I've had a few chocolate milks lately and that needs to end today.

Therapy was  good. Going to go for another month between sessions. This will be my 3rd. It's still pretty scary but I need the time to work on my mood shifts without my therapist "fixing" it just by me going to see her.

I finished the Dopamine book today. I was a little let down as I thought there would be ideas to try but it was more of a 'these patients went thru this.' It was still good and I think I can  extrapolate a few  ideas for my own.

Didn't walk yesterday, but I did today and even refused a ride home! I had a nasty calf cramp that woke me up this morning and has been wicked tight all day. But walking  and stairs (slowly taken) are doing good things so I'm pleased with my decision. Basically I'm trying to stop looking for the easy way of doing things or not doing them. Hard work is good. I need to put in serious effort so I can get healthier and more involved in my life. 

I did eat my lunch outside today too. Even saw a small garter snake too. It was cute but it was not impressed that I squatted down to watch it. I think perturbed would be a good descriptive for its mood.

Only if you don't mind seeing such an animal... https://drive.google.com/file/d/13dP5KfhaAM-3kD20sip08RVFttDWLoTh/view?usp=sharing It's kinda blurry, sorry.

*lowers hands off of CK's shoulders*

Well done, indeed!

10 hours ago, 18ck said:

*shakes you*

Pull yourself to... Wait, its probably bedtime there isn't it. Well, tomorrow, I look forward to epic greatness so make sure you wake up ready! 

Yeah,  and why were you awake?!

😆

Blood Pack:

'shake each other vigorously

shout "pull yourself together"

until we actually do!'

I'm in as well. 

On 6/23/2022 at 12:41 PM, fearless 2.0 said:

turning 55 on Saturday too.

I got you by 2. I turned 57 on Monday. Happy birthday, dear!🥳💜

Hey, WG.

Glad Ghostlet is getting back to school.

I wonder if we got the same rain! Ours dumped Sunday night into Monday morning. But I live in Vermont US so maybe? not??

Hey.

Thanks for checking in on me!

I'm back to it and it looks like you are rocking the outdoor time! Nice 'green lot' btw.

Cheers