Iâ€™m tired, plain and simple, Tired of being angry Tired of thing the world Tired of failing myself Tired of hate myself Tired of felling trapped Tired of bingeing Tired of my lack of faith Tired of being fat Tired of giving up Tired of the lies Tired of not caring Tired of disappointing others Tired of saying and not doing Just tiredâ€¦.. Edit: I am not big on sharing feelings or playing woe is me so this section is spoilerd cause I feel like enough of a cry baby just typing that little bit thereâ€¦ So, on to the challenge, ta-da (this might be the most I have typed in a challenge, lol so skip to the bottom for the TLDR version if you wish) Theme: Complete the tasks at hand, easy, do what you say you willâ€¦or shut the fuck up. Goal 1: FOOD Track: Frankly I donâ€™t care what I eat or when right now, just so far as I set the habit of tracking it. The reason for this is obvious, I need to know what goes in my body. Between the bingeing and the not carrying about portion size over the last few years I donâ€™t think I have a true grasp of my average dayâ€™s caloric totals. I am using MFP to track and have set a 2200cal target because I do know from the past when I tried to track I instinctively turned what I ate into a game to come as close to or under the goal set. Track ALL food dailyGrading: A=38+ days, B=37-33, 32 or less=Fail This is a first for me to really put out there, again with a lack of details Goal 2: MOVE! BJJ Training: I love my school and the whole 10P family, they have started to show me I can do things I never thought I could, they are the reason I have started to feel this little bit of accomplishment lately, this is why I have to succeed. I donâ€™t know what it is about BJJ but it speaks to me, I understand it (even if my body does not). My instructor and classmates have all told me I have the analytical mind for it so hopefully one day my body will catch up to it. To this end I will keep training and increase my focus while there: Train 3 times a week (Tues & Thurs nights, Saturday), if possible attend SIMS class the hour before (but bjj is the focus)Grading: A=18 classes, B= 17-14, 13 or less=Fail Conditioning and strength training: Letâ€™s face it, this big ass needs to move around as much as possible. I am very weak, especially core and upper body. On top of that my endurance sucks, I find myself sucking air a lotâ€¦and hell lets through in the lack of flexibility. All these things are needed in BJJ so time to work on them. On top of the classes above I will be doing something at least 5 days a week. Rough outline would be: Mon & Wed mornings doing body weight workout (program to follow), Tues & Thurs morning would be stretching and cardio (jump rope work, footwork drills, walking, joggingâ€¦crawling, etc) and Sat morning would be Cage Fitness class. 5 days of body training a weekGrading: A=32+, B=31-28, 27 or less=Fail Goal 3: REST Sleep: Like I said Iâ€™m tired so time to rest up. I am back in the bad habit of staying up (said while ignoring the time) and when the alarm goes off at 0500 each morning it is starting to wear on me. I need sleep so I am now imposing a bedtime, 2230. On training nights I normally donâ€™t get home until just before 2200 so on those nights I will say 2300 is the stretch to allow for shower and food time. Bedtime: 2230â€‹No grading Goal 4: Mind & Spirit Find the happy: I need to focus back on the things in life that make me happy, no matter how small or weird they might be. I need to remind myself that I use to be a joyful person, a great friend and someone who tried to help others in any way possible. Once a day, be it on FB, IG or here I will post something that makes me smile or reminds me of the person I want to be. I will not cheat and throw a picture of the midget or wifeDee up for every day, but do expect to see them. Hopefully this will help me start to remember there is good and fight off my natural instinct as of late to just get angry and mad. Post what makes me happy once a dayâ€‹Grading: A=35+, B=34-28, 27 or less=FailEncourage others: I use to love to help boost other people spirits or change their moods, make them think something different when down, but at some point that stopped. There are so many Nerds that I follow and am so proud of and so many that probably never knew that I read there threads cause I never said anything. I found myself ready to write stuff but finding I was now late by multiple post for it to be relevant or someone else said it better. My posting became the random meme or gif and that was it. I will try my best to start commenting again even if it is just a sentence or so of encouragement I will add it. After seeing threads reach 50+ pages and others that get to 2, I realized that even one line can mean the world to someone and personally know it can be enough to stop someone from throwing in the towel. Post something substantial at least 7 times a week, more than a random thought or a pic in threads, show the nerds the support they deserve and let them know the faith I have in them.Grading: A=35+, B=34-28, 27 or less=Fail Overall grading: will average all the results, A or B is acceptable, anything else is a fail! TLDR Version: Â· Goal 1: Food o Track o No bingeing Â· Goal 2: Move o 3 BJJ classes a week o 5 days of conditioning a week Â· Goal 3: Rest o Sleep Â· Goal 4: Mind & Spirt o Post something happy each day here or FB or IG o 7 posts a week encouraging nerds Well I think that pretty much does it. I am going to throw in a disclaimer here that this thread may become bipolar. For some reason the lack of face to face relationships here makes it where I find it easier to share things that I rarely if ever have shared. So between some revelation that might come out and posting happy things this place might end up a little crazy. Well I am not rereading this as it is past bedtime and I have spent last night and tonight writing and rewriting this and am tired of it so I hope it makes some sense.