Tigera

Hi! I'm a long-time-lurker and occasional-poster who's back again. I'm in my early twenties, female, and just started my first job out of college. I have a complicated relationship with food and fitness that I hope to start healing. Backstory I had (have? do these things ever really go away?) an eating disorder that started when I was in high school. I would go through cycles of binging and restricting. My mom was constantly dieting when I was young, so I was exposed to a lot of different theories. I first decided to try eating Paleo when I was in middle school. I did it because I thought I needed to lose weight. Things get more tangled up because I have a large number of food allergies and sensitivities. I'm allergic (as in, go-to-the-emergency-room-allergic) to nuts. I've showed up as "sensitive" on allergy tests to wheat, dairy, soy, and nightshades--basically, everything the Paleo diet tells you to cut. My allergist also warned me that he suspects I'm more likely than most to develop an autoimmune disorder. He recommended I cut wheat, dairy, and sugar. This is incredibly difficult for me to do in a healthy way, as it is what my ED!brain hyperfocused on doing way back when. It's tricky to follow my doctor's recommendation without falling into dangerous patterns. Back in high school, I also worked out a lot. I was on the cross country team and had practice after school most days. I was also actively involved in martial arts and was in the dojo about four hours a week. I also regularly berated myself for not being good enough at either of these activities and for not practicing them more on my own time. During college I sporadically did some weight training. I enjoyed the activity but hated the weight room. Being surrounded by buff, hyper-masculine dudes made me very self conscious. I loathe running now. I'd like to find a new dojo, but even that's complicated. I'm nervous about doing any group classes because of how out of shape I currently am. I also stopped going to my last dojo because of harassment by one of the instructors, who had been a close family friend. Main Quest Heal my relationship with food, exercise, and my body. Starting Quests Find a local therapist. I've been video conferencing my therapist from university, but I need to find someone who (a) I can see in person, (b) is on my new work insurance, and (c) has enough availability to see me twice a week. Reduce fast food and increase cooking (wrt dinner). I currently eat a lot of Chipotle because it's an easy option that is dairy and gluten free. It's also expensive and has a buttload of salt without many veggies. My goal is to make my own dinner 3x a week, as a start. Get moving! This one has two parts Investigate gyms. Look for a place to workout that I will be comfortable at. It could be a gym, dojo, dance studio, or something completely different. I would love to eventually return to regular martial arts and weight training, but that's not what this quest is about. It's about finding somewhere I will feel comfortable and safe exercising. I likely need to find a space that is all or majority women as a start, which effectively rules out weight training and martial arts. Walk more. I have a desk job and have been nervous about exploring my neighborhood. Those things together mean that I don't walk much at all anymore. I'm currently averaging about 3k steps a day. As a start, I'd like to get that up to 4k steps a day. My plan is that once I have a week where I met my step goal every day, I will increase the goal by 500 steps (until I hit 10k). For now, we're starting at 4,000 steps a day. And that's it, my backstory and my goals. My focus is on mental health, with food and exercise as the battlefronts I'm fighting on this day. I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I hope you'll welcome me anyway(:

I'm a little late to the party, but better late than never! My goals: 1) Track everything I eat. I'll use the app YouFood to take pictures of everything. (30 XP) 2) Don't eat anything with sugar in it after 7pm (one slip allowed per week). This is to combat my tendency for emotional binges late at night. (30 XP) 3) Walk 70,000 steps per week. (30 XP) 4) I'm trying to develop my sense of style, as I've noticed that getting fully dressed is like putting on a suit of armor--it makes me feel more confident and more attractive. So at least four days a week, I want to get fully dressed. I'll post pictures here for accountability. (10 XP)

1) Signature, done! 2) Following TheMadEngineer, jennilovesryan, and Fearkiller. +1 CHA, wheeeee!!!

Whoo go engineering! I'm in CompE, and I feel ya about it being tough but totally rewarding. Agreed on the emotional eating. It's a thing that happens, and it can be really tough to kick. Good luck with that and the rest of your goals!!

YAS ME is beautiful, this makes me so happy Your updates are also highly amusing, I'm enjoying reading them. Good luck with the goals!

Week Two, Tuesday Steps: 11,432 Exercise: No, rest day. But I did go on a long walk when I reached that point while studying where my eyes were about to fall out of my head and roll over to one of the HOD majors who are already done with exams Food: Binge: No Restrict: No Meals eaten: 3 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 2 Dinner: 2 Happiness: 1. It was a good day, despite the fact that I spent the whole day studying Calc. I got a lot done, and I think I'll be in fine shape to get what I need to on the exam. My other exams are another story, but I'll deal with them them they come....the day after calc. Shit. But regardless, I was just happier today. So yay for that. HOoRAY #1: I'm smart. That's a thing I've always been confident in, probably because it's more cut-and-dried, more provable than other aspects of life. If I put in the effort to learn something, I can do so very effectively.

Week One, Sunday Steps: 5177 Exercise: Nope! Rest day Food: Binge: Yes Restrict: No Meals eaten: 3 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 2 Dinner: 1 Happiness: 0.6 Week One Summary Not much to summarize since I came into the challenge late. This "week" was two days long. But, anyway. Average steps: 8,516. I counted the steps my phone had recorded from earlier in the week, which is why this isn't an impossible number. It's not too bad, but I definitely want to do better in Week Two! Exercise: Once in the two days. Food: Total Binges: 1 Total Restrictions: 0 Average meals eaten: 2.5 Average breakfast: 2 Average lunch: 2 Average dinner: 1.5 Average happiness: 0.525. So not a great two days, but I kinda knew that already. Week Two, Monday Steps: 7,508 Exercise: Yes! Recruit workout again. Food: Binge: No Restrict: No Meals eaten: 3 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 2 Dinner: 2 Happiness: 1. It was a good day. I didn't get as much done as I needed to in terms of exam-prep (ie. I didn't study all day) but lately it seems like there's a big tradeoff for me--I can either be productive and lock myself in a room to do work, or I can make my happiness a priority and be with people. A balance between the two I must find. Regardless, it was a good day. We watched the 25th anniversary stage production of Phantom of the Opera (RAMIN KARIMLOO) which is insanely good. Also I'd never watched it with my roommate before, and she's a huge fangirl so I got to watch her bounce around the room as she turned it on

OMFG I love this. It goes perfectly with my challenge, too. I'm in 1) I'm smart. That's a thing I've always been confident in, probably because it's more cut-and-dried, more provable than other aspects of life. If I put in the effort to learn something, I can do so very effectively.

Hi Fearkiller! I'm sorry your life hasn't been going in a direction that you want. I've been seeing a therapist for a while about depression and some other issues, so I get at least part of where you're coming from. The thing that's helped me a lot is making an effort to look at the things in my life without making a judgement call about them. Like acknowledging that I have exams coming up soon that I'm not fully prepared for, without berating myself for not preparing better. Or figuring out what I need to get done, but living in the moment and doing whatever I can do. I love that you quoted Patrick Rothfuss. I can't wait for Doors of Stone to come out. I'm also glad that you feel comfortable talking about things in your challenge thread here. If you decide you want to talk to your therapist about more things, that would be great. But getting them out in any form is still fantastic. Good luck with your presentation and paper!!

Week One, Saturday Steps: 5,735. Not many, but I was sitting around studying most of the day. The average for the whole week should still turn out well though, I think. Exercise: Yes! I finished the Recruit workout. It went well, and I am now very much sore. Not in a bad way though. It's good. I missed this. Food: Binge: No Restrict: No Meals eaten: 2 Lunch: 2 (balanced) Dinner: 2 (balanced) Happiness: I'd give the day a 0.45 (mostly neutral, maybe a little bad). The daytime was fully neutral but when it got late it kinda sucked. I couldn't find people because they were out doing things. I started texting people though, which helped a lot (helped me feel less isolated). So it ended up being okay, and it was definitely a productive day!!

Aight, this week's mini-challenge! S = Specific M = Measurable A = Attainable/Achievable R = Realistic/Reasonable T = Timeous Here are some questions to put your goals to the test: 1. Is your overall quest achievable (over a short or long period of time)? Is it reasonable? Yes! Absolutely, it is achievable and reasonable. At least, it better be. The world would be a pretty sad place if happiness isn’t achievable/reasonable 2. Do your 3 quests all build towards your main quest in little ways, or are you taking on too much? Do your quests have sub-quests or is it just one thing to focus on? They’re all pretty focused, the first two especially. Those definitely build in little ways. 3. Are your main goals realistic? Can you scale them to smaller steps to fit your life better, even if it will make it take a little longer to achieve them? They are definitely achievable. I walk a lot anyway (although that number will be a lot harder to keep up once summer starts. I may have to scale it back then), and exercise is something I want to start doing. The eating goal is realistic and necessary, especially because it’s not super specific (see below). 4. Are your goals able to be measured and tracked? What will you use to track them? Yepp, they can be. I’m using my phone to track my steps, and a spreadsheet to track everything else. The fitness goals are very binary pass/fail—either I exercise and walk or I don’t. The eating stuff is less clear-cut, but I’ve made up my own way to track it. It’ll still be subjective, but that’s okay. My main quest is “happiness†which is pretty subjective in itself. So I think it’s appropriate. 5. How are you grading your goals? Are they pass/fail (“every dayâ€, “not even once over the six weeksâ€)? Is there a reward for the effort, or are you only grading yourself on whether or not you “lose the weight†or “run the distanceâ€? I’ll be tracking everything weekly. For me, this Challenge isn’t so much about grading how well I do in each of my goals—it’s more just finishing the damn thing. I’ve tried before and never made it, so I really want to this time. Next challenge I’ll worry about coming up with a system for grading each goal in more detail, but it’s not important for this one. Right now, as long as I put forth the effort and finish the Challenge, that’s a victory in my book. 6. What is your plan for continuing/altering/grading those goals if you become ill or injured? I’ll figure that out if I become ill or injured. Eating would stay the same, but exercise would have to be scaled back, I guess. 7. Did you take into consideration any special occasions (Labour Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc) that may occur during the challenge? What modifications do you need to build into your goals for those? Because my eating goals are fairly vague, I think events like that will take care of themselves. The big thing will be learning how to enjoy myself without it turning into a binge. 8. Do any of your main goals conflict with each other? Will one goal make it hard to do another? Nope, don’t think so! 9. Do you already have the time in your schedule to actually complete the goals you’ve set? If not, what are you planning to do to make time for them? Yes, I absolutely have time. I walk a lot anyway (as already mentioned) and the exercise shouldn’t take that long. And food has taken up a large portion of my waking hours for a long time. This goal is about changing the focus of that time, which is a plus and shouldn’t add any time to it. 10. Are you trying to build multiple habits, or is all your energy focused on your main quest? I’m trying to build two habits I guess: a better relationship with food, and a regular exercise routine. They should both help a lot with my main quest though, and they should work together well. So yes, but not in a bad way? Yay, +1 WIS!!

Battle With a Demon Vs. Prologue: The Battle Begins Tigera stumbled into Div's office, clumsily shutting the door as she dropped her bag on the floor. "I think I'm losing," Tigera said without preamble. "It's getting stronger, I can tell." Ed the Demon smiled sadly at the sorceress-in-training. It, of course, had smoothly slid through the door before Tigera managed to close it. "Of course you're losing. I mean, look at you. How could you ever think you had a chance?" Div rose from behind her desk, glaring at Ed. "OUT," she said, waving her hand. The demon scowled, but slowly faded. Ghost-like, it blended with the background until Tigera could almost forget it was there. Almost. Div sat back in her chair, gesturing for Tigera to sit as well. The older woman (much much much older) was an elf. They made up the majority of the faculty at the Academy, largely because their ability to see demons made them uniquely suited to mentoring young spellcasters. Everyone had their own demons to deal with, but when you start using magic…well. Your demons become a bit more real. "I'm not strong enough," Tigera continued. "It starts talking and I can't make it shut up. And once I start letting it get in my head, I can't do anything. Magic gets hard, I just don't have the energy. I can't make it stop. I don't know what to do." "Please sit," Div said, motioning again to the chair in front of her desk. Tigera looked at the elf's face, then sat. "Now. You already know what strengthens it." "When I'm out of balance, yes. But--" "So to defeat it, you need to regain that balance. It's an essential part of magic." Div rose, moving to one of the shelves that lined the wall. "Every element of your life must work together. They must all combine to give you the peace of mind necessary to banish it forever." Div picked up a smooth black stone from the shelf and turned back to Tigera. "You want mental strength? Alright. That doesn't come from the mind alone. It also comes from the body." The elf sat back at her seat, placing the rock in front of Tigera. "Physical strength leads to mental strength. This--" she tapped the rock "--is part of a set of Balance Stones. Each stone tests one element of your life. You see the character inscribed in it?" Tigera nodded. "When you can make that character glow, your body will be adding strength to your mind instead of taking it away. The demon should be much weaker then, and we can move on to other ways to vanquish it fully." The elf sat back in her chair, dismissing Tigera for the time being. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Main Quest: Be happy Sub-Quest: Gain physical strength Goals: 1) Work out three times a week. At the moment, this will be the Recruit Workout. As the challenge progresses, I may move to a different bodyweight routine. 2) Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day (or a total of 70,000 steps per week). 3) Eat three balanced meals per day. This is an intentionally vague goal, because it has to be. The demon I’m struggling with is disordered eating (and mild depression, but that’s heavily tied together with the eating), so if I create rules for myself about the types of food I should/shouldn’t be eating it will likely lead to restriction. Same with setting calorie goals or tracking macros. So instead, I’ll just log several things a day: a. Binge: Y/N b. Restrict: Y/N c. Meals eaten: number d. General health of said meals: i. 0: Completely unhealthy. Probably a binge in meal form. ii. 1: Some good, some bad. Mixed. iii. 2: Great. Healthy food, but also enjoyable. Balance is the key, so it could even include a dessert if I haven’t been doing that a lot lately (that probably won’t happen at the beginning, as sugar is quite triggering for me). The tracking for this goal will be very subjective. But that’s because my main quest is related to mental health, not strictly physical. And, for me, eating is very problematic (much more so than exercise) so this is the best solution for me. Life Goal: Participate in the Honorable Order of Rebellious Appraising Yeomen as an apprentice. Goal is to complete my apprenticeship this challenge and become a Journeyman! I think this fits very well with the mental health theme of my challenge. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* As Tigera walked back to her room on the north-most side of the Academy campus, she turned the stone over in her hand. Physical strength. That was something concrete. That was something she could do. It wasn't like the whispered taunts about her appearance or her friendships or her life that Ed made--she didn't know how to change those things, which was why the demon mocked her for them. But this...this she could do. As she walked back to her room, holding the stone in her hand like a talisman, Ed rematerialized behind her. The demon was fainter now than it had been in a long time. The battle had begun.

Oh, if I'm with anyone other than the family I'm awful about eating well. Peer pressure, or whatever you want to call it. But my family already knows how weird I am, so it's okay if I show it DAY THREE continued I ended up getting green beans, and then barely eating them. Too mushy And as for the mousse... I finished it and ate some, but it was still too bitter for me even with the ridiculous amount of stevia I put in it. My mom liked it, though, and that's what's important, since it's her birthday I'm also not going to be able to make it to class tonight Too much homework and other things left that I have to do. I've got a list of things I'm checking off, and I'm hoping to make a huge enough dent this weekend that I'll be able to consistently go to class again. But for now... I should probably stop stalling, get off NF, and go do stuff.

DAY TWO This is late. Meh. I woke up early, stretched, and did slowkicks. That was it for exercise *winces* but I ate right, so that's good(: DAY THREE (so far) Woke up early. Stretching, slow kicks, knee pushups, wall pushups, planks. Food: I ate breakfast today (no IF) because Mom made good bacon. As in, the bacon we've got that's from a local Amish farmer. As wonderful as normal bacon is, that stuff is infinitely better. Lunch was the usual: eggs, ham, American and cream cheese, broccoli. Dinner hasn't happened yet, but hopefully it'll go well. We're going out for Mom's birthday, and it's to a local place that literally has no Paleo sides. I might punt and get green beans (even though technically, they're legumes and so not Paleo) just so I don't end up eating my arm off (or the bread they always have). Also, I made chocolate mousse. Mom's doesn't eat Paleo, but she does go for low carb--thus, birthday mousse instead of birthday cake. It's got 100% cocoa dark chocolate, cream, eggs, and stevia in it. It's still dessert, but it's at least mostly Paleo. On another note, I talked to one of the instructors at my dojo (who's also a personal trainer) about how to improve my pushups (to test, I need to be able to do 55 pushups by December. Right now, I can do about 5) and he recommended tabata. So, I'm going to give that a try and see how it goes(:

IF is definitely awesome(: Yeah, I Googled it too and that's the same thing that I found. I've been trying to drink more water, but it's still something I have trouble with. Maybe that'll be one of my missions next challenge I'll definitely check out your numbers. Thanks!!

That really sucks, especially the timing. Hopefully there'll be some kinds of strength exercises you can keep doing, like other people have said. And if not, then maybe you could turn this challenge into something more diet-focused? Or add extra Life Missions? Whatever happens, I hope you heal quick!!

This. Yes. Although I have to admit to being a tall person myself. Love your goals (and now that I've read through them again, it's weird how similar our Challenges are O_o ) and especially the weekly themes. That's pretty cool(: Also, sounds like a great first day!! Sparring is so much fun(:

I've been doing it for about a month and a half, and I like it. It's definitely something you have to get used to, though--I've found that even this far in, if don't do IF over the weekend I get REALLY hungry on Monday morning, and its tough to make it to lunch. Usually when that happens, I have a small snack when I wake up with as few carbs as possible, and that helps tide me over. Same with drinking a lot of water. Personally, I also think it's been helping me lose weight. But I still have to eat Paleo along with it--the claims that you can eat anything as long as you stick to the 8/16 schedule are BS. I should say, though, that I generally have a fairly easy time with fasting. As long as I'm not sitting in front of food/people eating, I enjoy it. My relationship with food hasn't always been the best, and being able to skip a meal without it affecting me just feels good. So that makes IF a lot easier Hope that helped!

Question time! I weigh myself every day (and yes, I know that's not recommended. But I don't freak when it goes up day-to-day, and I like having the constant data stream. I'm that kind of person. Plus, I would be way more crushed if I waited a whole week to weigh myself and there was no change/little change/increase. It just works better for me. Whew) and I've noticed that the morning after karate class, my weight almost always goes up. Anybody know why? Is it just extra water weight (I don't tend to drink enough and get fairly dehydrated when I work out)? Is it something else? It doesn't really matter--I'm still generally losing weight--I'm just curious if anybody knew

EDIT: Starting stats added to first post (so that I can find them again).

I do believe you are correct. And I will lost certainly endeavor to continue feeling this way every night

DAY ONE First day went great. Woke up early to stretch and strength train, skipped breakfast for IF. Lunch of eggs, ham, cheese, and bacon (because I love breakfast food at not-breakfast times of day). Dinner: fish and broccoli. Then a half hour private lesson at the dojo, followed by an hour downtime there where I stretched a lot and worked a few more pushups (normally my regular class would fill that time, but tonight was "Buddy Pass Day", so everyone was bringing friends and the whole class was games. Meh.) and then the hour-long adult class. I'm tired, but it's good. I'm ready to dominate the rest of this challenge. Bring it. Goal for tomorrow: Finish deciding how I'm going to grade each mission, what attribute points to give to what, and what the loot should be

Mostly mine just took an annoyingly long amount of time. There's nothing they can really do to make it heal faster/better (no casts, and the sling somehow managed to make it hurt more), but now I'm almost home free!! Yay!! Also.... ouch. I empathize your brother. Heck yeah!!! Partnered up here At my dojo, the testing is a four-part process: first, you get two recommendations from black belts (they have a checklist), then you go in front of a Board of Review, then a pre-test for physical requirements (55 pushups, 2 mile run, 45 leg raisers, 55 crunchers), and then the actual test. If my training goes as planned, I should be getting my recommendations in December. *crosses fingers*

Sorry, when I say I got a copy recently, I mean RECENTLY. I love the book, but I'm still on Level One all around. Sounds like an awesome morning. Good luck on keeping away from chocolate!!!

I love your theme. And yay for Convict Conditioning! I got a copy recently and I love it--it's where all of my strength training comes from now (mostly). Good luck with your goals!!!