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Novena

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About Novena

  • Rank
    Newbie
    Newbie
  • Birthday 05/01/1976

Character Details

  • Location
    NYC
  • Class
    rebel
  1. Novena

    Resurgam Novena

    Ok so had to change up my game cause the old way wasn't working. I've been good at the veggies and ninja takeout goals. Fell off my am rituals, but today's a new moon so it's a good time to recommit. Five minutes on the bike wasn't happening. Oddly I switched up my depression/anxiety meds by taking everything at night instead of am pills and pm pills and I have way more energy in the mornings now, and since the meds are in my system already I don't have that panic attack in the mornings. So I'm doing Darebee's Zero Hero program which is great for people recovering from injuries or week haven't exercised in a while. And it's story based, so I've already run from a spaceship and escaped zombies, today I crossed a mine field. Darebee has warm-up and stretching, and using music from The Fitness Marshal on you tube, our seems to be something I can stick to! I've given myself five days a week so if I miss one due to unforeseen circumstances, i have leeway. Sometimes it's ok if something doesn't work, it doesn't mean you are not strong enough, sometimes the goals aren't right for you. (Yes Steve tells us this all the time, but sometimes one has to learn or reinforce things viscerally.)
  2. Novena

    Resurgam Novena

    Returning Rebel here. I think it was in Zaxxon that when you defeated an enemy, it would say Resurgam (enemy name). And it was a little disheartening to know I would meet him again somewhere down the road. Well I'm taking that power for myself. Since my darlin moved in with me my eating has gotten out of control and because of my muscle injury I'm prone to re injure myself, so I haven't stuck with an exercise program and I'm probably in the worst shape of my life. So I'm taking it back. But it has to be baby steps, and I have sucked at doing it in my own. The boy is willing and able to support me but he can't provide initiative. So here we go. 1. Eat one vegetable with every meal. (I always have frozen veggies, but three boi packs my lunch and he doesn't season them or anything. One of us is going to have to get over this.) 2. Reduce ninja takeout by 50%. (The boy and I have takeout once a week. But when he goes to his Sunday night gig, I've been ordering takeout and not telling him. That money could go to so many better things. So for two weeks of the month I will cook a ninja meal when he is gone instead of takeout) 3. Bike five minutes a day and then stretch. (I bought an exercise bike so I could cancel a gym membership I wasn't using. I did use it for a while and then stopped. Also I have mildly damaged hip flexor and glute that is not going to get better if I don't stretch it.) Level up: 5 minutes of ritual every morning. (I took a class where we did a daily ritual of offering water to ones shadow self and then offering incense to the nature spirits. This takes five minutes and feels wonderful. And of course, being me, I haven't done it in ages.) I've done challenges before, so I'm comfortable with the format. And I've picked level one goals because I am prone to overwhelm, and the suggested goals seem to be calibrated to avoid overwhelm. So, time to go build the batcave till Sunday. It's nice to have a format though, and guidelines. Cause I tend to be overly ambitious and I need the steadying influence of: "This is exactly how you start". You have seen my descent, now watch my rising. - Rumi.
  3. Novena

    Nove:Respawn

    Nove wasn't awake or anything. It's just her eyes had the strength to open, and then make some sense of the images before her. She had no strength for anything else. "Wha? Wrm I?" The two figures at her sides were pretty much dragging her towards an abandoned warehouse with art deco mouldings and gargoyles. "Morpheus wants to see you." Said the blurry shape to her right. "Ugh why. Suck at evrytng. Broken. Useless." "You asked for help." Said the shape to her left. There wasn't any memory of it. "Ugh - No willpower. Lost control." "It's overrated." Said the left shape. "You need your focus back. You've been collecting resources so long you've forgotten how to start." "Icgh - no point - just gonna screw it up - allaways screwit up." she muttered. The shape on the right side of her sighed."So, that mean you're giving up?" There was no memory of a call for help. But what there was, welling hotly from some place in her stomach, was a tangible certainty she hadn't survived her ptsd,depression/panic/anxiety disorders and everything to just give up now. So although the shapes to either side of her got no answer, there was a soft scraping noise on the pavement as Nove tried to get her feet under her. There was no strength there, she certainly couldn't stand, but her feet were in the right place, and sometimes that's just where you start. "Attagirl." Said the right shape. "Baby steps. You'll make it". The three shapes - two of them supporting (and no longer dragging) the third, were swallowed by the shadows of the grotesques guarding the entry of the warehouse. Baby Steps: 1. Eat all veggies 5 X week (Have developed a bad habit of eating everything except my carrot sticks and broccoli that is packed for me, and seeking out snacks later on.) 2. Plant Nanny 5 X a week (Sooo easy to forget to drink at work - but letting that plant die is like kicking a puppy - I can't do it.) 3. DDP Yoga 3 X a week.(For some reason I respond well to gravelly wrestler voices. Must have been the Hulkamania in my youth): 4: Mint: 1X a week. (Set up budget in Mint to track finances. Because I've completely lost track of my spending and its totally out of control. Starting Stats: (This is to make sure I don't lose muscle mass - its just a feedback gauge. Weight: 217.8 Hips: 43" Waist: 38" Neck: 15.5" Bodyfat Calculator App says: Bodyfat%: 41.60 Lean body mass: 127.2 Body Fat weight: 90.6 Loot Weekly: Gold: (all goals) Bath Bomb Silver: Lush Bath Gel Bronze: Ginger epsom salt soak. Total: Gold: Mini-Loom Silver: 2 Skeins Yarn Bronze: 1 Skein yarn
  4. Interesting, the BF and I instituted walking and pilates a while ago, and while I know I lost 10 lbs, today I noticed I had to go in a row of hooks on the bra and that my spring hoodie fit looser. So it seems what works for me is to keep the eating clean, and just incorporate gentle stuff instead of worrying about going gung ho on the exercise - gentle transitions. Cause now I want to do the longer walk than before and I feel stronger, and maybe its the gentle progression that makes this seem without spending all my willpower. Oh well, we'll see.
  5. OK - so i've been gone for a while, and very much down, but never out. Main Quest - get stronger. Goal 1: Finish Zombies Run (bike) 5K. (3X a week) -- I've never gotten to finish this, and I have about six weeks of it left. So that works out fine. Goal 2: Pilates with the boi at least 5 days a week. -- I've gotten my bf interested in fitness. He's had back and nerve problems for ages, and I introduced Pilates to him, and he sees immediate results - working out means he has less pain.Unfortunately I've been skimping on those lately, and when I dont do it, its harder for him to do it. And its not like I dont need Pilates either. And since we're in a long distance relationship, whatever brings us closer is not to be ignored. Goal 3: Cook Meals At Home. - 5 days a week -- Am unemployed and have been spending waaaaay too much money on takeout. And the parents have stocked my freezer full of food, so there is really no excuse for this. Financially or healthwise. I've reigned it in enough to lose 10 lbs, but I do not want to waste any more cash on food when I can cook healthy stuff at home. Life Quest: Bullet Journal 5X a week -- I get good results with the bullet journal. Problem - I go whole swaths of time without using it. I have a lot to do (job hunting/making stuff for Etsy Craft store) and there are days I just sit around and am not productive - which is easy when you are depressed, ptsd, adhd, unemployed and career changing. So my gig is to use the bullet journal daily, but just so I dont go too regimented on this (I tend to) I'm putting a five day a week on this one. Not really caring about stats this time, I will be jazzed enough to just finish a challenge. Blood and glory to my fellow adventurers N*
  6. Hai all, So the reason I havent responded is cause this week tanked. Due to weird miscalculations my bank account hit zero (severance ended at the end of december), I hadn't gotten in touch with unemployment cause their website was down and thier phone lines impossible to get through, and since I have an unpaid internship from home, I basically can work from bed. Yesterday I finally said - you know, I kind of have to use my legs, got around, got up and went out in the snow to the drugstore etc., started cleaning up the apt. Oh, had a couple of panic attacks too) So although I didnt do well through that, I've fixed all the problems (*finally* got through to a *very* unsympathetic person in UI, who nonetheless is sending me the packet so I can actually place the stupid claim), the parents who have agreed to help support me advanced me cash. (I hate using their cash, but they supported my brother for two years, I get my turn, and they agreed to it. I was fine with moving into my brother;s basement and looking for a job in CT. OK - being *ok* with it is not entirely true but I was willing to do it to save them cash) (Mom's not happy with me and doesnt understand the whole - I have a panic disorder and maybe you shouldnt freak me out if you want me to be productive, and Dad said not to worry about their money cause they aren't so why should I be?) Im upset cause I've technically had over a year to look for a job, but also I've been recovering from the breakdown taking me out of work in the first place. So how much is me recovering and how much is me being not up to snuff? The world may never know. But in the end - you know, the raptors are still coming. (And I saw a horror movie where this guy was after this large nurse who was barely running and using most of her breath for screaming, and I was like - yeah - no.). That and I did some weaving, and that always helps Respawn on Sunday - I'll post my stats and assign point values. I already learned job hunting is going to have to half an hour per weekday, though I think I might say - at least 10 minutes. Only because Im scared to death of it, and if I can get past the first 10 minutes I'll probably be fine. The last time I tried it, the thing I had been postponing out of fear for two weeks WAS FINISHED IN 10 MINUTES and I was sooo indignant! OK, enough brain spillage here for the moment. Best to the rebels N*
  7. Hi all, OK, so I've been down and out for the count for ages. Breakdown, job loss, career change, recovery and healing of physical and other injuries/illnesses, and figuring out a new life, since I literally can no longer live the old. New year new life. Let's go. Main Goal: To train for the Jurassic Park Run on May 23. Updated 1-14-14 OK, so what I've learned now is that Im going too fast. SO new goal (I know i keep tweaking these, but thats what exploration is FOR in the first place) And Im annoyed cause I went back here and put stats in everything and now its all gone 1. FItness blender exercises 3X a week (I know they build in rest days, but I really need to take it slower - I forget I have injured muscles and have to take it easier. 2. Cto5K three times a week 3. No takeout. (I tend to eat clean so long as i dont order in) 4. Finish resume and linked in -- 10 minutes a day. (Im still stuck here, so sometimes just showing up at the page gives you answers.) ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Goal 1: Couch to 5K training/Zombies Bike daily Goal 2: Fitness Blender Low Impact bodyweight program daily (rest days are built into the program, so I dont have to worry) Goal 3: Log what I eat before I eat it. Life Quest: Job Hunting. One hour per weekday on resume/linked in/networking. I'll beef this up later, but wanted to get the main bits down. Best to all the rebels N*
  8. Probably someone has used this song already lol Was so happy to see the respawn board in this AM's facebook post, cause if anyone's in need of an Angel's Wing, its me. Last December 9, I had a massive breakdown. Six months past that has been me on disability. Six months up to now is me on severance. This is what happens when you very much ignore what the 'verse, common sense, and everything else tells you, and regardless of it all stay in a career which had already triggered a breakdown so bad the work counselor walked me to the hospital. So, to make a long story short (too late), I've not been getting out of bed lots, and I've been ordering food in. Now - strength and stamina are at complete LOW, I've got back and hip pain due to injured hip flexors that I can't fix without the exercise, and its not that I have not tried to improve diet and exercise this past year, its that I don't think I had any faith that I could or should fix this. Of course, one doesn't survive this sort of breakdown twice without tenacity. I didn't heal this far to give up. I refuse to go back to hell. SO I've signed up for a Jurassic Park run May 23 - which is pretty much enhanced tag with dinos and nerf guns. The win/lose thing isn't paramount cause if you're a survivor one round you'll be a dino the next. (This is good for me cause I prefer play to competition) I have the Zombies Run 5K app, which is 8 weeks. After that comes normal Zombies Run which I've had for a while. I have a Planet Fitness three doors down from me and an active membership. I have Nerd Fitness. Cause really - without yall, I wouldn't even believe it was possible to get to a point where I would be running, cause I have never been able to run. Now, I've got the strategic planning down in my head to the point where I can go -- OK, the first two weeks I can make these small changes, and then see where I am and what new changes I can make, and where to push harder and where to change tactics. I don't really have to believe that this is possible. NF has already proven it possible. I have to believe that I can do it. Which is a litle trickier. But if you grew up on action movies like I did - you watch and go -- if it were me, could I make it? If it came down to survival, if it was life or death - could I make it? I've always wanted to know the answer to that.
  9. OK, so its been a year of depression, breakdown, recovery and world-change. Unfortunately its also been a year of inactivity and takeout and medical issues. It looks impossible for me to get to anything resembling physical fitness. So why try? This is why: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbKkkZNwmN4 First things first. Time to wiggle that big toe. Self-directed six week challenge ZR5K 3 times a week Beginners Parkour workout 3 times a week Log everything I eat *before* I eat it. The deal is, I can eat any damn thing I want. I just have to log it before I eat it. You'd be surprised how much this works.
  10. OK, so lets be honest, this is the reason I haven't wanted to do my stats. Weight Waist/Neck/Hips Body Fat % Lbs Fat Lbs Lean 191.6 35/14.5/41 36.9 70.8 120.8 I deliberatly erased the last recording I had here (taken sometime this summer) because I want this to be the start point. The point from which I measure. And because I;m pretty sure these stats have decreased from the beginning of September till the end. I work on a college campus. September is always awful, and stress behavior runs rampant. Its not my best month. October though has Halloween in it, and is by default made of win. However, I do keep these stats around: 6/3/2012 210.8 | 15/38/44 |43% Fat| 91 lbs fat |119 lbs lean Because those are also stats worth remembering. Because this was at the point where the doctor told me I was pre-diabetic and that he wanted to see me lose 20 lbs. Although, in the vague memory of my erased stats, I remember being far higher in muscle mass than this. No point in obsessing. My baseline has been set, and this is the baseline I must use. That's it. Also, I must say, I like the way the Academy Dumbell Division is structured much better. So I'm going with that.
  11. OK, so I've been bad about tracking. Week 1: Iron: 3/4 Peaches: 3/5 Report: 3/5 Holes: 1/2 Week 2: Iron 2/4 (Due to injury - switching goal to 3 Iron and 3 Zombies Run 5K Peaches: 4/5 (and I lost two pounds!) Report: 3/5 Holes: 1/2 OK, so I can totally do better. But I think switching that goal will be OK>
  12. 1. Your Iron is your Guide: Dumbell Division, 4 day program. 3. Report what you find: Journaling progress with goals and results. For this mini-challenge I'll do my daily tracking on my challenge log.
  13. I wasn't actually going to structure the whole thing around Holes - I was looking for digging quotes and ended up watching the whole movie last night, and it all just kind of clicked. That and the soundtrack for that movie is really rather good.
  14. Done a lot of things that I'm not so proud of. Took a lot of turns, turned out wrong. That's a worn out song When last we saw our entrepid adventurer, she was trying to escape her tomb, the rut in which all her best motivations was hopelessly stuck. Unfortunately she got landslided by the job hunting challenge, which was too big a boss to beat. Letting go of my bad habits. Hangin on the hope for better times. I'll be fine. Now however, the next step is to recover the tools necessary to dig my way out of this hole I got myself into. You've got to go and dig those holes, with broken hands and withered souls, emancipated from all you know, you've got to go and dig those holes Main Quest: OK, so the big main quest is to make a Life Worth Living. But that's a life quest. My current portion of that task is to recover from my injury, and get back to being a badass hooper. But first, I need to get out of this hole. All I fear’s that the future is worse We have to give in to the hundred-year curse Sweat in the sun like we’re diggin’ a grave Dig deep enough and our fortune we’ll save Goal 1: Your Shovel Iron is your Guide - Dumbell Division 4 3 day program, Zombies Run 5:(STR 2, DEX2) I keep putting strength training in here, and keep failing cause I was doing straight bodyweight and it was boring me cause I miss my dumbells. (been doing light dumbells since high school, and didn't realize how much I wanted them back). Which is why I'm ranger these days. Kept injuring myself which put me out of joint for the rest of the week's exercise. And really Rangers should be well balanced. So 3 days weights, 3 days ZR5K. Goal 2: Peaches and Onions - 90% Paleo every workday. (STA3)) There is a LOT of extra food in the office. I work in an office that deals with Japanese visitors, and they *always* bring food for the office. Last couple of weeks we had six kinds of cookies. And once you've had one, you want to go - eh, that day's tanked. Might as well have ice cream. None of that. I must bring the food I want to eat, and barring that anything I purchase has to be paleo. And I say 90% because there is greek yogurt in our vending machines, and sometimes its just the best option. Goal 3: Report Anything you Find - Log goal status. (WIS3) Daily in my journal, weekly on this challenge thread along with body composition stats. Life Goal: Dig Them Holes - Declutter the apartment (CON5) My apartment is a mess. Actually - most of it is in bins, but I have papers and bills from college (which was 15 years ago) and books I haven;t read in years and mail from three years ago, and craft stuff I no longer need, and its all a metaphor for my life as much as a physical reality. My hope is that decluttering the apartment removes the other obstacles in my brain stopping me from going forward. And - hopefully I can find some of my things I'm missing. Side Quest: Jailbird -- Take a Circus Silks class. Inspired by the comments on the last women's fitness post, I want to no longer postpone doing the things I love because I don't feel I am ready. However - this is contingent on the status of my injury. I'll have to ask the instructor. Alt Side Quest: Beyond Peaches and Onions-- Paleo 3 Course Meal to cook for myself. When the going's rough, you can be sure I'll tough it out, I won't give in If I'm knocked down i'll get up again As long as my dreams alive I will survive
  15. OK, so this is the short short version that I will make fancy and nice later, but I really just wanted to get my goals down before I lost it. When last we saw our entrepid adventurer, she was trying to escape her tomb, the rut in which all her best motivations was hopelessly stuck. Unfortunately she got landslided by the job hunting challenge, which was too big a boss to beat. Now however, the next step is to find a new way out. The tomb must be excavated, to recover the tools necessary to dig my way out of this hole I got myself into. Main Quest: OK, so the big main quest is to make a Life Worth Living. But that's a life quest. My current portion of that task is to recover from my injury, and get back to being a badass hooper. But first, I need to get out of this hole. "Take a bad boy, make him dig five feet, The dirt in these shovels will give us a beat. Okay you gotta find suin' neva found before, If not, we'll just have to dig some more." "Dig it", Holes Goal 1: Your Shovel is your Guide - Dumbell Division 4 day program (STR 4) I keep putting strength training in here, and keep failing cause I was doing straight bodyweight and it was boring me cause I miss my dumbells. (been doing light dumbells since high school, and didn't realize how much I wanted them back. Goal 2: Peaches and Onions - 90% Paleo every workday. (STA3)) There is a LOT of extra food in the office. I work in an office that deals with Japanese visitors, and they *always* bring food for the office. Last couple of weeks we had six kinds of cookies. And once you've had one, you want to go - eh, that day's tanked. Might as well have ice cream. None of that. I must bring the food I want to eat, and barring that anything I purchase has to be paleo. And I say 90% because there is greek yogurt in our vending machines, and sometimes its just the best option. Goal 3: Report Anything you Find - Log goal status. (WIS3) Daily in my journal, weekly on this challenge thread along with body composition stats. Life Goal: Excavate the apartment - You got to go dig them holes. (CHA5) My apartment is a mess. Actually - most of it is in bins, but I have papers and bills from college (which was 15 years ago) and books I haven;t read in years and mail from three years ago, and craft stuff I no longer need, and its all a metaphor for my life as much as a physical reality. Grades later.
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