psychic-lipstick

TGP, thanks for sharing your thoughts. You bring up a good point about rest days. I suppose 7 days a week is a lot, but I guess I’m hoping that if I make it a daily thing, I’ll be less likely to slack off. I don’t think that my intensity is too high, at the moment, but It might be better to try for 3-5 days a week at a slightly higher intensity. I will consider modifying this, if I can’t manage after a week. Pain really is an important thing to pay attention to! One of the (many) reasons I have neglected fitness so much lately is that I ended up in some hot water because I didn't take care of a minor injury properly. In October, I twisted my ankle and I thought I took care of it, but I was wrong. So, in April, I re-injured it, ending up with a fracture. Then, I ended up plantar fasciitis from walking on it all wrong, which hurt way more than I would have liked for way longer than I would have liked. So it was July before I got around to walking much again or exercising. At that point, I joined a gym, but my efforts were not consistent, with some weeks bringing me there a few times and plenty more weeks not at all. So, I'm mainly interested in building a consistent routine that I can stick with...and it's possible that I overshot it with this goal of 7 times a week. I certainly don't want to deal with another injury, again. Nor do I want to fizzle out because I attempted something unreasonable. So, I will give this some thought!

I like the term bodyweight training! (I also like planks, but they weren't what I had in mind; I had a sense that isometric wasn't quite the word I needed... ) Thank you for this link! It looks really helpful. Thanks for the encouragement about the yoga; I think my avoidance of it has to do with shame about the state I'm now presently in, but that is certainly not a helpful attitude to have, and I should get over it. I will check out Jessamyn Stanley's routines and poses. Over the past two years, I've become way more sedentary than I used to be, so step one needs to be sticking to a routine,! I didn't choose a particularly ambitious quest this time around, mainly because I kinda want to stick to it and am likely to give up if it seems too overwhelming. Ultimately, I hope to lose 50 pounds -- and that means I need to make sure I can stay on track for a year, which will be more likely if I can build good habits and get over these blues!

Your sources and quests seem interesting! Wishing you luck!

I can relate to your struggle a fair bit, and definitely see the link between depression and sedentary lifestyles (working on that myself). I also love reading, and sci-fi and speculative lit is my favorite. Having just read and enjoyed "City of Brass" by SA Chakraborty and "Book of Speculation" by Erika Swyler, I recommend both of them. I like your goals, and I wish you luck!

Hi, Karinajean. I hope to do some cardio at first. My building contains a gym with an elliptical crosstrainer, a treadmill, a stationary bike -- and a lot of freeweights. I hope to use the elliptical crosstrainer or the treadmill for 30 minutes a day. Secretly, I hope I can build up my endurance by the end of the challenge so that I can do an hour involving two out of three of those machines, each day. I would also like to do some crunches, squats, kicks, push ups, and other such activities each day (are these called isometric?). I don't have a set routine for this, yet. Today, I just did about 40 of each (less of the pushups, just 10). I've been re-learning how to ride a bicycle, and might like to do some of that on the weekends. I like walking outdoors, and may try jogging/walking outside (I like the app "Zombies, Run!"), on weekends. I used to love playing tennis, but I don't currently have a partner for it and may be a bit out of shape for that. I used to love yoga and weight-lifting, but I think I'm too heavy for the yoga right now and feel like lifting wouldn't be as useful as cardio for me just now (may be wrong). I was considering a video, like 30 Day Shred or something, but I don't know if I can keep up with it. :/

Day 1 -- 11/28 I've committed to my quest. The task is daunting, and I am uncertain about my abilities. Yesterday, I learned about the death of a colleague that I knew only in passing, but whose work schedule seemed rather like my own; his last words to our faculty spoke about work-life balance, about making time for health in addition to doing a good job. Those words seemed to ring so true for me; in an effort to do a good job, I have let myself fall apart in serious ways, gaining weight, despair, and insecurity in abundance. I'll be 40 soon, and my life is nowhere near where I thought it would be by this time -- something that is mixed up in my poor fitness, health, and wellness. I intend to update this log daily with an account of my journey. 1/1 -- Goal 1: I exercised for 35 minutes. It was much harder than I remember. I used to be able to work out for 90 minutes before feeling sore and weary, but I was struggling once I made it to 25 minutes, today. In getting ready for the gym, I faced an unexpected obstacle: I found myself reluctant to go to the gym because I couldn't stand what I looked like and was afraid of what others would say if they saw me; I forced myself to get over it, and I worked out on the elliptical machine and the exercise mats with my eyes closed and some 80s rock music in my ears. My body aches, but I remind myself that it signals a future strength and that I have to learn to love this. 1/1 -- Goal 2: I cooked my meals at home. I don't think I've got the hang of portion sizes, just yet. Stress eating usually equals binge eating for me, so my sense of scale is damaged. I baked some chicken, and I ate it with pasta. I had coffee. I allowed myself to eat the Kit-Kat that was in the fridge, which was a bad idea, but it didn't technically break my goal...so I think I need to modify this goal. In the future, I will prepare my own meals and will NOT eat candy as breakfast. I know better, but I acted on impulse this morning and ruined my efforts. So, goal 2 will become "no fast food & no junk food". 1/1 -- Goal 3: Journaling and planning are good ways to manage stress and keep track of things. I faced some demons today, really took stock of my life for a change. I discovered that my most recent ex-bf got married, and I was happy for him but sad for the state of my own romantic life. I find it hard to deal with the shame I feel about my failures, and these days I have so many failures. I've always been personally ambitious (not competitive, just full of dreams and goals I want to accomplish), but I never counted on facing the kinds of obstacles I have faced in the last few years -- or, being kicked down so often that I didn't feel like I could get up, again. It occurs to me that this shame I feel is preventing me from catching up on all the things I'm behind on, preventing me from facing myself, and that my efforts at managing my life have become reactionary, crisis-management approaches. I need more space in my life, and I think I need to let go of things from my past. Maybe the extra weight symbolizes all the stuff I'm holding on to, armor to keep me from the world, but I want to be in the world and alive in it! So far, I've made some baby steps. I hope I can do the same, tomorrow.

Hi, everyone. I'm a couple of days late, but hoping to join in this challenge as a sort of first timer. I've been lurking on NFR for a while and have tried creating forums and participating, but...life issues always seem to get in the way, and I can't seem to make progress on my fitness. I want to change that. I don't want to dwell on all the problems, but I have a lot of family stuff that takes up time, a hostile workplace that I can't leave just yet, a really horrible battle with depression, and a habit of letting go of self-care when I am depressed, anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed. I am the heaviest I have ever been, and so uncomfortable in my own skin that I just want to escape myself most days, but I haven't given up. None of those things are good reasons for being in this shape. So, here I am, hoping to respawn, reboot, re-commit, and do it right this time! I don't think I've ever really completed a challenge that I have tried, not properly, not in a meaningful way. So, that's my main quest, here: getting into a fitness routine and seeing it through to the end of the challenge period. Another day, another page of the diary, right? Quest: Complete the Challenge without giving up after a week or two of effort! Goal 1: Exercise for at least 30 minutes each day. Goal 2: Prepare my own meals instead of eating fast food. Goal 3: Spend at least 30 minutes a day on managing my stress/wellness. I'm going to track these with a simple binary: 1 point if I do it, and 0 if I don't. That means I can earn 78 points, if I start today. I don't really have much in the way of a character, but if I can survive the first challenge, I will develop mine further for the next one! Also, I am not sure if I'm navigating this forum correctly, and would be grateful for some pointers, if anything seems wrong or weird.

Your goals seem like they are good ones! Wishing you luck.

So, I love the idea of connecting to people on this forum because I like hearing what others are going through. I feel like I'm still figuring out how to navigate the forum, though. It's probably much easier than I'm making it out to be. I noticed that a new challenge has just begun and that people are posting there and commenting on respawning in that place, too. I don't want to leave dozens of abandoned threads or anything, but I suspect that since I want to commit to a challenge, I should probably shift over to that section. So, I am moving myself over there to the challenge forum and will create a new thread under the Level 1category! But, I will come back here to update when I've gotten myself into a good routine to explain how the Re-Spawn itself (or, as I am imagining it, re-commitment to a fitness regimen) is going! I hope that's how I am supposed to use this forum. If I'm wrong, someone please private-message me so I can figure out what I'm doing wrong, as I learn to navigate this place. Thanks for listening, and for your support, everyone.

As they say, things get worse before they get better. I feel awful about myself and the shape I’m in, low about my abilities to overcome my problems and get back into shape, terrible about my constant failures in my fitness journey, but I haven’t given up, yet. I seem to be crawling and clawing my way forward, but at least I’m still trying. I don’t have a fitness routine that works for me yet, one that I can stick with beyond a week or two. I haven’t overcome my poor eating habits. And, I think I need to be more realistic about my situation, my obstacles, and my goals (they need to be attainable so I can stick to this plan and not get discouraged). Easier to address a problem if you can be honest about the problems, right? So far, I’ve managed to detach from work a bit: I’m less invested in my workplace, but still doing a good enough job, and I don’t care as much about the drama and the so-called noise of it all. But, I’m afraid that my “not caring” has also been turned onto myself; maybe I’m not caring enough about myself. My foot is finally better, and I’m able to walk and run and other stuff, though I am embarrassed by how out of shape I am, which makes me afraid to go out and do things sometimes. I started re-learning how to ride a bike, which is fun but so hard when you don’t feel at home in your body. So, I go out at night when fewer people see me in the neighborhood, and usually with my siblings (who are way better at being fit and who don’t realize that fat-shaming me isn’t a good form of motivation). I’ve been eating better, mostly, but haven’t gotten out of the habit of emotional eating yet. So, I’ll eat well, mostly, and when things get terrible, I binge on awful things and feel guilty afterward. My depression got pretty intense for me (I realized that I have a lot of unresolved issues, also that watching superhero movies and TV strangely helps me to see my own issues a bit more clearly!) and I feel like months of my life slipped away into some gloomy cloud. Lately, though, I’m fighting against it, and hoping to get back on track with my fitness! So, here’s me, still trying! I think I might try to check in here once a week. I haven’t been here because I didn’t have any victories to report, but it occurs to me that this is less about announcing one’s victories and more about sharing experiences of our journeys. [emoji4] I’ve got some goals for December that I hope to refine, later (feedback welcome!): 1) Exercise every day, at least for 30 minutes. I should probably figure out a plan and a time that I can commit to. And, I need to stick to this rather than just working out for a week and then neglecting it for the next two or three. 2) Meal Planning, and eating stuff I prepare, every day. This is going to be challenging, but I need to make the time for it. I need to do some research on this stuff. 3) Stress Management so that my emotional state doesn’t interfere with my efforts at improving my fitness: meditate, journal, plan, every day. This one isn’t well thought out, but I realize that lack of inner stability is what manifests on the outside for me. Somewhere along the way, I’ve developed a self-loathing that is neither charming, nor interesting. I don’t want to be the villain of my own story, so...here is to hoping for some change. Anyone got ideas on how to improve one’s self image or stay motivated?

Buried beneath layers of armor against the blows of the world, one made of adipose and despair and frustration, is a person worth being, but I've lost sight of who she is. Life has afforded me a great many obstacles in recent years, and my bad coping habits have created a kind of armor to keep me from damage, but I'm stuck beneath the weight of that shell. I have finally decided to find a way out. It will take time to carve away this carapace. I've tried before, but haven't been successful. So, I'm hoping to keep track of my efforts here, and maybe connect with others on my journey. I need to set some SMART goals, repair some of my life tools that are in need of attention, and get my act together. That will be next. I thought the first step should be acknowledging my intentions. So, I visited the respawn point, and started a new thread. I am a little uncertain about how to navigate NFR, even though I've been here before. So, please forgive my clumsiness at this stage, as I figure things out. Maybe this time, my journey will be successful! I hope so. And, I hope yours will be, too!

I got off track, and lost my way. Life got complicated and I allowed that to be my reason for not taking care of myself. Not only did I stop losing weight, but I also gained some. I feel pretty terrible about myself, and realized finally that I can't continue to feel this way. So, I'm back. I want to find a place to connect in this community and get back on track! And, I hope that this time, I can stick with it. I'm working on aligning and balancing the rest of my life, too. My biggest problems are a hostile workplace that is absolutely destroying me and which I am contemplating leaving, a habit of comfort eating/bingeing, a habit of putting off nutrition, fitness, and health when under extreme stress, depression and burnout, and a new problem with my foot which appears to be plantar fasciitis+stress fracture. I really, really need to lose weight. I've got a few months away from the office and can work from home, which gives me the freedom to be flexible in my workout/health routine. I'm hoping to spend the next 15 weeks getting on track, staying on track, and making progress -- both with my fitness and with my life. I'd love to participate here, again, as I do so. I feel embarrassed that I failed, before, but love love love that there is a respawn point because it encourages me to believe that others have gotten off track and then returned!

I haven't had any physical symptoms like yours, but man....giving up a sugar addiction is awful. On that count, I feel you! I recently recommitted to getting healthy and the hardest thing has been cutting down on sugary, carby, caffeinated comfort. I have been grouchy and irritable. When I fail, I get more grouchy. I feel miserable. It sucks. Do you have a blood glucose monitor? Or a blood pressure monitor? I recommend getting one of each (or, dusting them off if you have them around). When you're feeling crummy like that, measure your vitals and jot them down in a notebook. List your symptoms and what was going on at that time, and what other factors were involved. At the least, you may be able to ask your doctor to recommend a nutitionist or a specialist who can help you figure out what's wrong -- and you'll have this self-collected data to help figure out the problem, maybe. Good luck. And, hang in there!

Starting over is tough, and your challenges make it feel tougher. I am wishing you strength in sticking to it! I'm also respawning, restarting, resetting, and basically giving things another try, too. Can you find a way to reward yourself for succeeding in overcoming cravings -- even if it's just a calendar that you mark off with Xs for the days you managed to get through, so you have a visual reminder of progress in the grand scheme of things? Do you have a plan in place for handling cravings? Like, when you want a drink, you'll do XYZ thing instead? Some people find those things helpful, I think.

Sounds like you've been through a lot. Good luck on this new journey!! Even if you don't feel strong or inspiring, yet, hang in there and keep trying. Before you know it, you will feel that way.

I might want to add some personal stuff. I am...: 38, a writer, a woman, a Texan, a once-upon-goth chick, an academic, a sister and daughter with caregiver responsibilities, a guardian of two cats, a person who is trying to promote a new book and write another, a Rebel who really needs to learn some discipline and commitment to this stuff, a Whovian, a big fan of XMen, a bit of a nomad, and a reader of many books.

Maddie, welcome back. I, too am a returning nerd. Good luck to you!

Hello CM and Lee. Good luck on your quests! I'm a fellow writer, hoping to take up the current NFR challenge alongside a deadline. Just wanted to say hi.

I'm sorry to hear about all the stuff you're going through. I can relate to the experiences of chronic illness in the family and depression. Trying to climb out of a similar situation, myself. Just wanted to wish you luck!

So, I'm starting over. My weight goes up and down a lot, mainly because when life gets to be too much, the first thing I let go of is body consciousness. I turn inward and ignore the whole...being embodied thing. Obviously, the results are stellar. I want to be bigger on the inside, not the outside. So, it's me against the adipose, again. I've been here before, but I didn't have a lot of luck following through for too long: my life has been a series of crises, lately, and each one has derailed me. Life is unpredictable and commitment is very difficult during crises. I'm really ashamed at my lack of discipline for ending up in this shape, but I am trying to get past that, trying not to let it keep me from making a real effort. I really want to get my life back together, and that means working on my fitness. Being around others with similar approaches sounds like a good idea. I And, this forum is pretty much awesome. So, I'm here -- and hoping to get through this challenge! I think I'm a Rebel. Quests: 1) Get 30 minutes of exercise every day (to get my body moving). 2) Eat three meals a day, instead of binging on convenient junk food (to create stability). 3) Spend 30 minutes each day on meditating or journal writing (to nurture awareness).

I find myself in the same situation as you. Good luck on the journey!

Great post! Learning to give a f*** is hard to do when you're struggling with depression (I feel you!), but your plan sounds great!

Been on track every day, so far, because my goals have been reasonable, but I'm really aware of my body and its poor shape right now, whereas it was something I had been ignoring beforehand. Everything is sore. I'm craving sugar like a junkie. I'm suddenly aware of just how hard the road ahead will be to walk and how long it will be. I'm ashamed of the state I'm in. My weight is definitely tied to emotional issues and making an effort to lose weight, being aware of the effort, is dredging up some stuff. I'm going to stay the course, but...right now, I feel like the hobbits who have just figured out that they can't have lots of leisurely and jovial brunches full of merriment because there are things at stake. :/ Maybe that's a bit dramatic, but it's been that kind of a day. I'm not going to let it get me down, though. Avoiding ones demons doesn't mean they've gone away, after all! :|

Thank you, syntheticwill and Jezaraen. Yesterday and today have been on track, so far. My biggest fear is losing motivation and flaking out on my own goals because life's demands wear me down. So, I'm trying to be mindful about it. I was binge drinking water this afternoon (not that much, just two glasses consecutively so that I wouldn't fall behind) and my seven year old niece stopped to watch. She asked me why I was drinking so much water, and I explained that 1)it's good for a person to do so, and 2) it's part of my weight loss effort. She looked at me for about ten seconds and said, "I like you just the way you are. You don't have to try and get skinny." It was incredibly sweet. So often, I feel like working out and weight loss efforts are a sort of punish,enter for letting myself get fat (fat shaming is a big part of my family's dysfunctional behavior; I used to play a game: how long after walking in the door for a holiday will it be before someone sneeringly makes a comment about my weight?). Just this little conversation with my niece reminded me that I'm doing this for me, and it strengthened my resolve. I must admit that a fleeting flirtation with a gorgeous flight attendant I met this afternoon (on his way out to Brazil) also helped steel my resolve; if I'd been happier about my own body, I might have allowed myself a more exciting afternoon. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I've been a long-time lurker of NFR and I hope to complete my first six week challenge, here, with you all. My overall goal is to lose 30-35 pounds., but I think it will take a very long time to achieve it. My three quests are: 1) exercise 4 days per week, starting with 30 minutes per day for the first week, escalating to 45 minutes a day for the next 3 weeks, and then up to 60 minutes a day for the last 2 weeks of the challenge. A: 24 days B: 18 weeks F: anything less Why? I usually manage to work out twice a week, but that's not enough. I want to establish a routine upon which I can build over successive challenges. 2) drink 6-8 glasses of water every day A: 8 per day, B: 5 per day F: anything less Why? I drink very little water, juice, or soda and far too much coffee. Drinking more water will help me feel better and eat less. 3) no fast food for the entire challenge A: 42 days B: 38 days F: anything less Why? I eat fast food most days because it is convenient, but a diet of cheeseburgers and fries is not a good one! Life Quest: write every day for 1 hour or more and send work out once a week. I'm a writer/teacher and teaching has taken over my life, so I need to reconnect to what matters to me. Staying on track keeps me from despair, as well as emotional eating. Motivation: I don't like how I look in my photos or in my mirror. I'm tired of wallowing in fat and sadness after my divorce ( my weight has always been up and down, but it didn't bother me until after my brief, failed marriage brought unwanted scrutiny my way). In general, I just want to look better. If I could wear a Wonder Woman costume next Halloween, I'd be happy. On a serious note, heart disease and diabetes run in my family and I don't want either of those things to be part of my own life. I haven't given much thought to building a character or earning points. I'll update that, soon. Advice is welcome. [emoji3] Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk