vortexofsleep

Gah, your challenge posts are always so cool they make me want to cry! So, ignoring all the challenge-y stuff and moving into a discussion about Jem, what *was* up with Rio? Like, wouldn't you be mad if you knew your boyfriend was flirting heavily with someone else, even if it was technically still you? And wasn't he their manager or something? Mixing business and pleasure is such a bad idea. I was always a misfits girl myself. Their songs were better. Although I really couldn't take Ashley, who I will always consider a hanging-on, quasi Misfit. Maybe it was her mullet that exactly matched her clothes. True fact: I had a tape of Jem and Misfit songs that I made by holding the tape recorder up to the TV speaker.

Yay! Once again we are kinda challenge twins. I'm cheering you on, as always!

New challenge! I have to admit, part of me is pumped, and part just doesn't want to do it. But the good part is that at least I know WHY I don't want to do it. Because it is going to be challenging and I don't like that moment of realization of how weak I am. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm only failing if I don't do anything at all. Even small progress is progress, right? Looking back over past challenges, I've always had one goal (at least) that fell by the wayside. For this challenge, I'm going to have one challenging goal and a few easy but (hopefully) rewarding side goals. So without further ado: STRENGTH TRAINING!!!! I'm totally weak. Again. I had body weight workouts as a goal in a past challenge and really did notice an improvement. But then winter happened and I hibernated. I'm resisting getting back into it, because I don't want to go back to the beginning and start all over. But I must. And I will. Other main challenge goals: Read Salt, Sugar, Fat with AgentKatia as part of our little book club. Floss my teeth. I never do this, but I want to see if it makes a difference. At the end of the challenge I may even schedule a dentist appointment! It's just sheer laziness on my part--I actually enjoy going to the dentist and having my teeth cleaned. As ususal, I'll have some "maintain" goals. I think that 3 was too many last time, and I'm in the midst of my busy time at work, so I have two: Keep up with the good eating. My CSA starts tomorrow and except for a pint of gelato that I stretched out over the course of a week, I haven't really relapsed on the sugar thing since the end of the last challenge. Morning stretches. This I have relapsed on, and I am feeling it. Points and grading will be forthcoming, since I always seem to adjust them halfway through anyway. I'm thinking I may need some reward to motivate me to complete this challenge, but I'm not sure what it would be. Hmmm.

As always, I am in awe of your amazingness. Send some of that extra 25% achievement my way for the next challenge!! Because the battle is won, but the war isn't over. This. See you in two weeks. Same bat time. Same bat channel. (Hm, well, different bat forum, but you know where I'm going with this.)

Okay, final week, then total wrap up~~~ Sugar: A! It wasn't completely sugar-free, but it was minimal sugar. Total sugary treat intake for the week: a bite of chocolate chip cookie that looked amazing and everyone was raving about (but I didn't really think it was that great), a little bit of ice cream because I was craving it for dayyyyys and was worried that if i didn't allow myself a little bit of it then I'd eventaully have a big binge, and a slice of home made boston cream pie at my in-laws last night. Normal cake I could have passed up, but boston cream is my favorite. It was a small piece, and I didn't have seconds. House: A! Unloaded a whole freaking scoop/pickup truck bed of mulch myself, purged/organized a room, took a carload of stuff to donate, filled the car up again with more donations, and... OH. Got the freaking water heater replaced. Yes, we endured anther week of off-and-on hot water until I had a complete breakdown over it and decided just to spend the money on a new one. Maintence: Yoga A--pushed through even when I didn't feel like doing it, cooking A+ for an amazing shrimp thing I concocted, pulled chicken barbecue, and salmon. Final tally: Changeup on the grading system--I'm just looking at my letter grades for each week. Sugar: B, A-,B-, F, A Strength: F, D, D, SCRAPPED House: A, A, A, A, A, A Yoga: A, B+, C+, A, C+, A Walking: C, C, D, B, SCRAPPED Cooking: B, A+, A, B+, F, A+ Finals: Sugar B; +4 to CON House: A, +2 to WIS Yoga B+; +1 to DEX Cooking A-; +1 to CON WHOOP WHOOP! An important thing I realized in this challenge: something will always happen to derail plans. A period of illness, a muscle strain, a broken water heater, work stress. Things are never going to be ideal. That's part of the challenge.

Thanks Xanjra! Seeing that will get me past the plate of really amazing looking brownies at this conference. I want a taste SO BAD. It's the last week. I can hold it together for one week at least.

Week 5 update: Not gonna front, week 5 was awful. The water heater is finally repaired, thank heavens, but the stress of that and work coupled with an utter lack of planning made for fails all over the place. At least I have been very reflective about my choices this week and did some good work on my brain with that. I also noticed another side-effect to too much sugar (after the burn-off period): chills. I hate being cold, so this is definitely a motivation to get back on track. Recap: Sugar: F. I went from a few mindful treats to just eating junk as a coping mechanism. Strength: scrapped House: A. I've really got good momentum here.Since last weekend: planted lilac and blackberry bushes, assembled a new dresser, got caught up with laundry, installed a ceiling fan, took down ugly shelves in the one room, put together a new shelving unit system to replace it, purged the bookshelves, swept all the floors, and cleaned out my car. BOOYAH! Maintain: yoga: C+ Cooking F So, how am I going to make things better? I've already done meal planning and a grocery list for this week. I'm going to be travelling a lot (day trips) for work, so I need to be on the ball. I've got quick meals and crock-pot meals lined up. I'm going to make a big batch of eggs for the week, so I'm not tempted to have carbs/sugar for breakfast. If I wake up earlier than I need to (I've been waking up at 5/530, which is inconceivable really) I'm going to try to actually get up then so I can have plenty of time for morning yoga and/or get to work early to help with the stress of this week. That's the plan. I want to get all A's for this last week!!

This week has been challenging in many ways, and I'll freely admit that I self-comforted with food a bit. But it was all done with full awareness of what I was eating and what I was doing. It was done in moderation. I'm not completely fine with it, because there were definitely a few "fuck it" items that I didn't really want or need to eat, but some of it I'm okay with. Anyway, our hot water tank died on Sunday so we've been ladling water out of crock pots to bathe. I'm over that, let me tell you! We actually stayed at a hotel room last night just for the glory of a hot shower (and because I really needed to wash my hair thoroughly and shave). Work is getting very hectic, and having to run home in the middle of the day to deal with repair appointments led me to sugary treats to make myself feel a little better.For the most part they were small treats and were effective, even if not the best choice. But sometimes fruit just doesn't cut it, at least in this early part of the sugar-fighting journey. However the chocolate chip cookie I scarfed last night after having had a sorbetto after dinner a half hour earlier was just ridiculous. But today is a new day, and I'm really hopeful the water will be fixed today. Please let it be fixed today. Full update this weekend!

Puddles on the mat--ew but cool. I think our next challenges are going to really parallel each other. Having that little reminder piece in my challenge this time for yoga and cooking has been really really helpful. And as you know, my get-strong goal is going to be heavy on body weight, especially pull up work! I want to be able to climb that wall by the end of the summer!

Gotta love those conversations with yourself! I have them all the time. I think sometimes our bodies "make" us have weird dinners (bread and butter for you, nachos for me) just to reinforce our resolve. Like purposeful negative reinforcement to keep us on track. Or maybe that's just my mind that is sadistic. Two days of sugary treats in a row wasn't what you were hoping for, I'm sure, but it looks like you didn't have a TON of junk. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. I just had a slip up yesterday (most aspects of yesterday were a complete disaster) so I'm not going to berate myself too much for a skinny slice of cake. I ate it, fully aware of what I was doing from the start; previously I would have been halfway through it before I realized I was comforting myself with food. I can't believe there's only a week and a half left!!

Haha, this is the kind of thing I need to deal with on Fridays at work--our "goodies" email from the culinary students. This is a mere fraction of the listing: SWEETS 5 CHOC.CREAM CHEESE CUPCAKES .50 7 WHITE CUPCAKES W/ VANILLA BUTTERCREAM .50 9 CHEESECAKE W/ CHOC MOUSSE $ 1.00 29 PEANUTBUTTER COOKIES 4 IN BAG $1.00 Those white cupcakes.... (of course I think I fruedian slipped because i typed "shite" cupcakes at first!)

What a week. I know it’s not mid week, and it’s not end week, but I’m planning for a busy weekend so I want to get an update in now. My performance was not great this week, but it was a HUGE learning opportunity. It’s rare for a failure to inspire rather than depress me, so this is kinda cool!! I had to travel a lot this week for work. Wednesday was get up super early -->ride for 2 hours-->sit at a training for 7.5 hours-->ride 2 hours back home. I made a whole host of mistakes for this trip: Got a venti white mocha from starbucks prior to the trip. I “only†had them put in 3 pumps, but I’m don’t usually put sugar in my coffee and after cutting back on sugar so much this was way too much. Thought I could make the trip as a passenger without getting carsick. The coffee surely didn’t help. Did not bring my own food. When I finally felt like I wanted something in my stomach, cookies and pastries were the only option. I nibbled on an oatmeal cookie, which also didn’t help. Not my mistake, but outside the building they were burning trash, so a lovely burning rubber odor filled the room. That did ~wonders~ for my nausea. By lunch I had to run to the bathroom and put myself through an elaborate hiccupping/burping process to try to settle my stomach. I stupidly stupidly thought maybe a little soda would help because of the carbonation. Again, copious sugar. Mistake. Having real food at lunch and skipping the cookies helped a little through the afternoon. I made it home without puking, but felt a little queasy. Had tea and toast for dinner. Should have probably eaten less toast. Went to bed at 7 to sleep it all off. I used to eat like this all the time. Coffee and pastry, soda, desserts at lunch, huge carb intake. I absolutely can’t do it anymore. I’m still struggling because my tongue wants the taste of things still, but my stomach doesn’t want it. Slowly but surely my stomach is gaining the upper hand. I’m actually really happy! I always expected to be sad to be without my comfort foods. The next day I was going to another training. I brought my own coffee, skipped the pastry breakfast (skipped breakfast entirely because I still wasn’t sure of my stomach), ate a gorgeous salad with chicken for lunch along with a small fruit cup instead of the cookies and candy that were at the table. I also had an amazing conversation with my lunchmates that ranged from Game of Thrones costuming to gathering morel mushrooms to paleo eating. So, wow, that was long. Let’s get to grading: Sugar: I’m going with B-. Yes, Wednesday was epic fail, but it was one day out of 7 (anticipated) and I learned so much. Can Thursday be considered a retest day? The minus is because one night the ONLY thing I wanted for supper was chips and salsa, and I ate a lot of ‘em. Strength: Scrapped till next challenge. House: A. Planning on a lot for this weekend, plus actually did some of the laundry backup through the week. Maintenance: Yoga A, Walking B, Cooking B+

Good input. Yeah, I'm scrapping the strength. The walking has been poor because of weather (and people are getting judge-y at work lately if I'm out strolling around too much since we're moving into a very busy period) and I think I'm being a little much of a perfectionist with the yoga. I'm really not disappointed with how I've been doing with it, both in terms of amount and progress. Walking...will happen when it happnens: when it gets warmer and dries out some. Definitely!!

Hahaha, that picture is pretty much me. Intellectually I know that I can get back in the game in the middle of they day, but emotionally....not so convinced. Sugar report! Friday morning I did have a donut. I had quite the amusing mental back-and-forth about it, but gave in in the end. However: Not as amazing as I had been anticipatingAte it very slowly over the course of an hour instead of inhaling it as usualHad no desire for another oneI also did not have any dessert at the rehersal dinner and only one beer (it was at a brewery, so I wanted to try one at least). At the wedding the next day, I did good! Didn't drink except for the little bit of champagne for the toast and did good on the dessert front. She had three kinds of cupcakes. They were pretty small, so in the past I would have had all three. This time I had one, and a bite of each of the other ones, just to sample them. Even when there was one lone cupcake left on the display table at the end of the reception I had no interest in eating it. I was much more into the salmon and spicy green beans from dinner! Now last night, in a moment of insane craving, I did eat some tastykake crimpets, so that was just weak. I'm starting again fresh today, though. For some reason it's much easier for me to start on Mondays. I've given some though as to whether I want to try to turn it around on the strength training for the second half of the challenge, or if I just want to scrap it. I'm still not sure. Didn't do much except for flinging my nephew around at the wedding (we'd dance, then I'd lift him up so he'd wrap his legs around my waist, I'd dip him backwards, then fling him off me. Kinda like swing dancing, I guess?) House stuff: Not much this week, because I was consumed with wedding gift planning. My sister and I went together on the gift, which was based on the movie Clue, since Clue was our (me, sister, and the bride's) favorite movie when we were little. We can quote the whole thing. The newlyweds got 6 black boxes with gifts mirroring the weapons from the movie (not a real gun, haha) and gift cards to related stores. The gift cards were in sleeves that had related quotes from the movies. In past years, putting together something like this would have stressed me out big time, but it was seriously so much fun! I can't wait to get her reaction to it. But anyway, I at least tidied up all the gift chaos yesterday and also did a bunch of prep cooking for this week. Oh, and I did move some furniture back. SO. That was long. Grades: Sugar: A- Maybe it should be a B becuase of the crimpets, but I'm giving bonus points for my restraint at the wedding. Strength: D. Pseudo-swing dancing saved me from an F. House: A Maintain: Yoga: C+, Walking: D, Cooking A Good week!

Totally read that as "beer crawls."

Go you! I'm sure seeing progress will help you stay on track. Congrats on the cocktail resistance. I'm already dreading tomorrow morning. It's a staff development day, and I am pretty sure they are going to have donuts. Donuts from my favorite local shop. Perfect dense-yet-fluffy perfectly glazed perfect donuts. I already want on so bad I could cry. If it wasn't the weekend of Katie's wedding, I'd probably allow it, since I haven't had any baked goods at all. I don't know. I just don't know. The more I think about it, my brain wants it, my mouth is watering, but my stomach doesn't want it. That could just be because I finished lunch, however.

I'd be up for a book club! I'm in the middle of a novel right now and it's taking me a while to read since I'm only reading a chapter or so before I go to bed. But let me know when you're up for reading and I'm in! Maybe we can incorporate it into a future challenge? Did you see sugarstacks? It won't kill to much time--it's like a picture book. A horrible picture book. Mid week (sorta) check-in: Pretty good! Still doing excellent on the sweets front. I'm compensating a bit with fruit, but strawberries are SO GOOD right now! I'm eating two servings of them a day some days, but at least I'm not eating a pound in a sitting, which I have done before. The sugary yogurts are gone after today--I'll have the last one at lunch. This weekend is my cousin's wedding, so I'm definitely eating cake and possibly dessert at the rehersal dinner if I'm hungry for it. Don't feel bad about that at all. Doing okay with yoga--skipped my morning routine on Monday because I had yoga class in the evening, but then it was cancelled. That put me in a funk for Tuesday, but I smacked myself back into shape and am back on track now. Walking has been low because of all the rain. Strength is still on the back burner. Not much more to say about that at the moment. In other news, work is insane! I'm doing 17 interviews today and tomorrow. I will be all talked out fer shure.

Okay, Katia, I devoured that article (no pun intended!!) The book is definitely going on my reading list. My library actually has it as an e-book, but I'm sure I'd start compulsively reading it at work, and that's no good for productivity as we're heading into busy time. Between that article and scrolling through all the pages at http://www.sugarstacks.com I'm definitely motivated for good food choices this week! From the comment section of the article, I found this. I need to keep it handy for those days where I feel like cooking is too much hassle: "It's inconvenient to cook, but this task pales in comparison to the inconvenience of routine insulin shots, mountains of medications and side effects, kidney dialysis, or having my chest cracked open for heart bypass surgery."

Hm, a double helping of a homemade fruit dessert isn't the worst thing ever Thanks for that yogajournal link, btw! I'm sure I'll be referring to it many times. Good luck with pigeon pose! I've started really liking it. At first it was rather painful for me, but it's one you can use to really track your improved stretchiness.

I don't think a hot cross bun is a mega fail (try 4 mini-whoopie pies in one sitting like I did to reach mega-fail status!). The 4 a.m. bedtime is kinda a different story...<--that's said in a commiserating, jokey way, not being cruel or judgey! But it was only one day out of the week, and you recognized the negative after-effects. In the larger scale of things it was a slip up, but not a total destruction of your entire challenge. Let's go Week 3! FotB!

Week two recap: Sugar: Pretty good! I had three days of real no-sugar, two days of “acceptable sugar†in the form of small sweets from the student restaurant as part of lunch, and two days where I gave into the cravings. Unfortunately I gave in on Friday and had half of one of those little cookies I’d been resisting all day, then had a moderate binge that evening (and felt sick afterwards.) Last night I had a little 100 calorie pack of butter cookies that were lying around from a bag lunch from a work event. Not the worst thing overall, but I ate them with that sense of purposeful defiance verging on self-sabotage. Don’t even ask…I’m not sure what’s up with that. I’m trying to work it out. Grade: I think a B for this week? Does that sound fair? Strength: Definitely still not feeling this yet. I think I had one day of actual intentional BBW, and two days of functional strength work with house stuff. Okay, a day and a half. Maybe. Grade: D House: Tore down some closet stuff, purged some in the process, put up new racks, cleaned up a bunch of clutter (like, a BUNCH). Grade: A Maintain: Yoga: B+, Walking: C, Cooking: A+. Average B+ Side note/reflection: I’m really resisting this scoring thing and don’t like to see grades less than an A in things that I’m honestly working at. If I can persevere through this challenge, I wonder if it will have an impact on my perfectionism in the sense that I’ll come to accept/believe that it doesn’t need to be all or nothing and that a B is also a respectable grade? I'm fighting KILLER allergies and sinus pain, so I'm not super enthusiastic for Week 3, but the grim determination is there, haha.

Ooh, thanks! I think I will also be reading this over time at work. Edit to add: "The company’s Yoplait brand had transformed traditional unsweetened breakfast yogurt into a veritable dessert. It now had twice as much sugar per serving as General Mills’ marshmallow cereal Lucky Charms. " WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Disappointingly, I caved on Friday and didn't make it on the sugar-resistance mission.

I'd like to read that article. Lucky Charms? Really? That's a cereal featuring MARSHMALLOWS for chrissake! And the extra-horrible part is that single-serve yogurt cups are so small now! I remember when they were a full 8 oz (which is probably too large, but still.) and now they're what? 5.5 or something? I really hate the ones that kept the old packaging and are half empty when you open them. It's not going to matter anyway, because once I finish off these it's gonna be large tubs of plain greek yogurt, hopefully full fat if I can find it. I can't bring myself to waste the ones I have, although the more I think about it the more it becomes an internal struggle. Thank you! Sugar is soooo tough, but I'm hanging in there because of you guys! You sure can, Swampling! I don't think I could have resisted that chocolate mousse, though! So just now I went back to the kitchen area at work to get some water. There on the table was tray of leftover treats from a meeting last night. Brownie bites...I could pass them up, even though they had caramel drizzeled on top. It's still too early in the day for me to want brownies. However, there were also tiny chocolate-dipped madelines. My thought process: Oooh, cookies! NO. No cookies. But they're only quarter-sized, and half is dipped in dark chocolate, which you can't have. So you'd only be eating half of one. That's okay, right? Well.... Come on. You deserve a little reward for doing good all week. One bite of butter cookie is hardly anything. Yeah. (I picked up a cookie, actually brought it to my mouth--as in my tongue was on it--and stopped.) No. I want to be able to say I resisted all week long. I know that one taste will set my cravings in high gear and I'll be able to rationalize several more small cookies before I move on to brownies. Then I'll have to fess up on the forums and find a way to frame it as an exusable reward. But sugar has to stop being a reward. How about having actual success be your reward for once?? So I threw the cookie out, grabbed my water, and came back to type this up. I'M SO GLAD. I definitely would have gone on a downward spiral had I started with that one bite of cookie, and I don't even want it now. You guys are saving me from myself. Well, you and my crazy brain-talk. But mostly you. <33 (just realized that internet hearts look like ice cream. DX Also--i want to be able to do downward dog this well someday:

Thanks for the encouragement, guys!! I'm rockin' that chain of no sugar! Last night after a really simple yet fantastic dinner of lazy-man's falafel, I was all ready to open a package of fruit newtons. They're fruit. They're like good for you cookies, right? Uhhh NO. I was bummed when I read the label. Ingredients 2 through 5 were various forms of sugar. So I warmed up a bowl of unsweetened applesauce instead and doused it with cinnamon. A little bit of crust or cookie of some kind would have been nice, but somehow I survived without it. After my current stockpile is depleted, my next thing to attack are yogurts. I have a bunch of fruit or flavored ones in the fridge, and they're high in sugar. Like ridiculously high. My brain even tried to go the "but milk sugars..." path of rationalization, but I looked it up. Even subtracting the milk sugars, they're like 12-13 grams of sugar per serving! That's as much as a serving of Captain Crunch! Gah!! Now that it's getting into berry season, I will have no problem getting plain yogurt and adding my own flavors.

Ha ha...but are you giving it a shot of espresso?