iatetheyeti

Week One: Begin Strangely enough, I started well. I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed at 6am, did some yoga and ten push-ups, then spent a while in quiet solitude (marinating myself in coffee whilst browsing Tumblr, to be more accurate). And then I baked brownies. That's actually the part I'm most excited about. I finally, finally took the dive into baking last week and ended up trying to make a loaf of bread. Just plain white bread, nothing fancy about it whatsoever. And I succeeded. Not only that but I succeeded well. It looked great (to me!), it tasted great (to me!), and I managed to go through the entire process disaster free. So I thought I'd try something else new and bake my weekly treats instead of buying them, and this week I picked a recipe for olive oil brownies (the whole reason I wanted to learn to bake was to be able to eat these kinds of things minus the lactose and not have to pay an extortionate amount of money to do so). And it went really well. Scarily well, actually. I'm not used to being good at something the first time I try it! Aside from the above, I also did a large load of dishes and cleaned the kitchen of the wonderful mess I made, all before 9am. So for the first time in a long, long time I went into work in a good mood and said good mood actually sustained me through my shift, even with the Overlord's ridiculous new ideas about how to do things. One thing I did not do was incorporate squatting into doing the reductions. Mostly because I'm having a very bad arthritis day. The only daily things I have left to do are dead hanging and meditation, both of which I'll do before bed. Probably won't be around tomorrow, I have a 6am-5pm that I will need to recover from. Maybe Wednesday? More likely Thursday, truth be told. My shifts are all over the place right now.

I've usually got some kind of knitting project on the go, my guitar is sitting gathering dust, I have a whole indoor garden situation that needs some active looking after, I've just got myself into baking, and I have large pile of unread books. So I think I can keep myself reasonably busy! People are leaving because it's become an awful place to work, sadly. Equally sadly, I can't just go ahead and quit because the only jobs going right now are either absurdly low contracts (eight to twelve hours per week is the norm now, apparently) or jobs you not only need experience and learning for, but exactly the right kind of experience and learning. I'm keeping a very close eye on multiple job sites and haven't had any luck for the entirety of this year... But I'm not giving up just yet.

It is true that rain is one thing we do very well!

Zero Week End Right. Homework done. In theory I am entirely ready to kick off this new challenge first thing tomorrow morning. I've made what little tweaks I need to, I've got some schedules worked out for next week, and while I am very much not looking forward to returning to work, particularly to the same old closing shift onto opening pattern, I think that at the very least I'm as ready for it as I can be. Food goals are staying the same. Movement goals are mostly the same. No changes to Yoga or Primal goals. I do have an extra bit of accountability for the Mobility goal though: I'm also adding a Push-ups goal that I have shamelessly stolen from @Jean. Over the course of this challenge I will do 400 push ups. I rounded up from 350, and I was going to go with 350 purely because it would be a nice, simple ten push-ups a day (if I did some daily). There is a very strong chance that this will be done immediately after my daily short yoga and that might go quite a way to helping me get into the mindset of having an actual workout schedule (with actual workouts!). These push-ups will be done solely on stands until such time as I can get my wrists fully functional. Recovery is also remaining the same, although I am adding a Hobby component to it based on my observations from this week. Basically I'm happier when I'm doing things I enjoy, and I'm happiest doing things that I enjoy that aren't computer-related. So, even if it's only for ten minutes or so, I'll put in some time doing the things I love, the things that keep me calm and sane. Tomorrow's plan is to get an early start. I'm working a closing shift and I don't actually need to embark on my commute until 11am, so if I get my backside out of bed early enough then I will actually have a chance at getting some things done. The aim is to do some general stretching/maybe yoga as soon as I roll out of bed, and that will probably include some push-ups too. From there I will have plenty of time to caffeinate, eat a decent meal, prep a decent meal to take with me, and indulge in whatever else I wish.

I had to take a small break because emotions. There was the panic of imminent homelessness, the absurd high of relief when I was told the property market was bad enough that my landlady would not be selling at the moment (but will still try again further down the line, so...), and the inevitable mess that comes with shifting between two extremes so quickly. Things are, however, more stable now, and I am taking a long, hard look at my future in regards to accommodation and ensuring I am prepared for every eventuality. Not just that, really. I'm shifting gears and getting ready to tackle a long, lonely winter and survive the many issues it brings. So I will be making some changes around here, and they will be put into place before I go back to work on Monday. Just got to do a little fine-tuning first.

I'm definitely in agreement with that. I have many plans for many situations, but somehow I did fail to make a 'what if I'm homeless all of a sudden?' plan. That oversight is now being corrected though.

You've got two adorable pups right there Looks like you've got a good set-up here, and can I just say: This is almost exactly why I started meditation. I'm not so sure my body has learned to run on something other than stress just yet, but I do feel a lot better for it regardless. It's almost surreal how much something as simple as meditation can help.

I feel like you plucked this out of my head (not that I could articulate it as well as that), it's resonating with me a whole lot. A lot of the time, most of the time, really, I throw my energy into any number of things because I'm desperately hoping it will help me forget feeling like I have no purpose or direction to go. And that doesn't help at all. You're right, life's easier when you reflect on what you're trying to achieve. ...and I'm with you on the push-ups, I love them too! I do like the idea of setting a fixed number to get done through the challenge. May steal that one off of you

Zero Week Update One I did need to take a little bit of time off purely because my mood went a little haywire. Intense emotions do tend to do that, but I think the worst has passed and I'm in a more stable position. The present danger has passed, but I am by no means in a comfortably safe situation so, no matter how much I dislike it, I do need to continue planning for the worst. Fortunately there's a lot more that can be done in six months than can be done in a handful of weeks, and it is forcing me to have another look at my long, long term plans to become a homeowner rather than just renting. If things continue the way they do, there's a good chance that in five to seven years I may just be able to achieve the latter goal. But that's without any major disasters or changes in the property market. And I can only begin to imagine what long term impacts the entire Brexit mess will have on things no matter which way it goes now. ...what I can safely assume is that my workplace will continue to not replace the staff members leaving, meaning I inevitably get overtime, meaning I can use the surplus earnings to build an emergency fund of sorts. Enough to cover a reasonable deposit on a new rental and the associated moving costs that go along with it, anyway. I may not particularly enjoy having to do the work of five other people, but I can't deny it does have one upside. All of this does now mean that I can turn my attention back to the changing seasons and how that impacts on my mental health. This year I'm not entering the colder months with a particularly stable mindset, but there has been an improvement since this time last year and I do know better about what to do to keep myself relatively level. Keep busy, essentially. It's going to be a very quiet winter spent entirely on my own, so I am very much going to need to keep busy to stave off the loneliness, and being here will help with that quite a bit. I'm going to use today and tomorrow to go over things, shore up any weaker elements of my plans, maybe work out some sort of workout schedule, and then come back here on Sunday evening to kick things off properly.

Autumn is in the air in Scotland too, but this year we don't seem to be getting all the pretty colours just yet. We've got rain. Rain and rain and some more rain. But the cooler temperatures are very welcome, and I reckon later in the month we'll have a proper autumn colour scheme!

Very quick update to say that I have been grated a temporary stay of execution, the housing market is so bad that my landlady is putting her plans to sell on hold for at least half a year (according to the letting agency, anyway). The relief that I feel is... a lot. Though with that is the knowledge that I am still not in the permanent housing situation I once was, so I do need to be vigilant about preparing for round two. Will update properly and catch up later on today.

Funnily enough, I was actually thinking it was kind of like waves as I was writing it. But in the end I settled with what felt right to me, like your spiral Happy to have you here!

Unfortunately I do not have a fallback option, it'll be a case of getting myself onto the council's homeless register and waiting. Either I'll have no permanent roof over my head for a few months while I wait for available accommodation, or I'll have no permanent roof over my head for a lot longer if I'm not classed as an emergency case. I won't know until it happens. If it happens, which I'm still very much hoping it won't! And thanks, I'm trying very hard to keep things as simple as I can right now. Thanks, I appreciate that ...and likely there will be plenty of venting going on!

This holiday really isn't working out how I imagined it would at all... Rise: 1000 Morning routine: Yes Inactive hours: Many Illness/injury: Yes Evening routine: Late Bed: Later still I wanted rest and relaxation and what I'm getting so far is anxiety and stress. I'm trying to fix it, I really am, I'm trying to calm my fears and get on with things. It's tiring. I don't want this to constantly be my life. I don't want this to be my life at all. But I suppose no one really has a perfectly peaceful life, no matter how much they might want or need it. But I can't let that keep me down, or I suppose more accurately I can't let me keep me down. I'm the one brooding over this negativity, after all. It's happening. That's a fact. The question shouldn't be 'why me?', it should be 'what can I get out of this?'. Might be a weird way of looking at it, considering the circumstances, but I did not get this far in life by thinking conventionally or by continually giving in to my darker moods. It's happening. I accept that it's happening. And now I'm going to look for a way through. Maybe the worst happens, and I come out the other end with renewed self-confidence and self-reliance. Maybe the best happens, and I come out of this with more control over my thoughts and emotion. Maybe something entirely different happens, and I'll come out of that with something different too. Whatever the case, it means I'm planning again. This isn't a nice, stable position that allows me to feel my way through the way I've been going. This is the kind of instability that requires forethought and preparation. So I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and make a plan instead.

And here it is.