iatetheyeti

I appreciate you saying so! Thanks Tank Heh, that's true! Here's hoping it does indeed work. ...true. I still feel the tiniest of pings of residual guilt about not setting any actual goals, irrational though that may be. And you know what? I really like that list idea. Thanks! Appreciate that, thank you Now that I can get behind. Here helps. So, following that logic, being here regularly will help more!

The colour of that living room wall though! Stress I get, and while I may not be able to make good on my offer to run on down and give you guys an extra set of hands, what I can do is say that you know where I am if you need to talk, vent, rant, let loose, or anything at all.

That was an inopportune moment to drift away. Quick version is that I'm alright now and have a new challenge up. Thank you all for checking in on me, I really appreciate it.

I feel directionless right now and I don't like it. At the same time I seem to have lost sight as to what would constitute a reasonable goal. Life/mood-wise things are actually relatively stable now, the massive changes I spent so long trying for have been realised one way or another. And sure, I have plans for more changes, but... So maybe this challenge will be about finding a medium sized goal to try for? I really don't know, but I really don't want to be continually drifting away from here, so here I am. ...should a goal or two or three appear, I'll update this post to reflect that.

A short, stumpy figure drags themselves into the cluttered room, looks around, and decides to lie down where they are, draping themselves artlessly across a half dozen stacks of books and a box full of... things. Somehow a large tankard of coffee is pulled from the mess. The prone figure balances it on their abdomen and sighs loudly, though what that feelings that sigh signifies, not even they really know. I don't really know what's going on with me right now, but am I going to let that stop me? Nope! Gonna get back on the horse and start again. Plus I missed my lovely nerds!

W?D? I was going to update with a lot of positivity, but I have not long had my first panic attack in a long, long time. It was fairly minor, as far as these things go, and thankfully I at least managed to communicate what was happening in the discord server I was happily chatting away in not long before, so I wasn't alone for it, so to speak. I feel more or less stable now, but drained and embarrassed and pissed off that this has happened. I know progress isn't linear, but this still feels like a kick in the teeth. It came out of nowhere, as far as I can tell, and now it's trying to cast a negative light on what has otherwise been a good day. Stupid brain.

And that is so very, very true! Not gonna lie, I was very excited about it! Almost at the end of the week and it has... well, it's gone, so that's something. Just got next week to push through, then time to relax. Cold, sore, and grouchy. But I have coffee, so on balance, not bad!

W?D? Nothing much to report today other than I'm happy. As in, I'm in such a weirdly good mood and I am loving it. Odd, because last night I had something of an unsettled stomach and slept like absolute crap, and it didn't really improve this morning. And yet here is good mood. I'll do my usual catch up in the morning.

Oh, really? For some reason I thought you already had a tattoo or two... But it's ok, I forgive you!

IRL things are always going to come first, especially something of that magnitude. It's always great to see you around these parts, but it's also perfectly understandable if visits are few and far between at the moment!

I've sort of come to the conclusion that while I have the energy to help people, I will. Not only is it needed, but when it's sometimes as simple as just being there for someone to talk to, it doesn't drain the soul too much at all.

W?D? Guess who has a functioning PC now? Got myself a new tower and moved back to a desktop set-up for now. More processing power and a longer lifespan. A new laptop can come in the distant future. Now to transfer everything over and get used to typing on a full sized keyboard again... Oddly enough, the most stressful part of the last few days has been postponing everything D&D related. I managed to get Discord working relatively well on the laptop whilst waiting for the new computer to show up, and I focused my time on that quite a bit. And it's been nice. I have my fair share of D&D and vaguely educational type servers, and it's been good getting a chance to have proper conversations there. And I've got a collection of queer servers, because sometimes it's just nice to talk to others in a similar situation, you know? Plus the couple of occasions where I've actually been able to be there to support a couple of younger folks, one who just desperately needed someone to talk to them like a normal human and one who was terrified of coming out to his parents, that really got me. In a good way. It's amazing to be able to offer people the support so many of us never had. Anyway. Goals. ...no real progress there. I think I'm just sort of hanging around now until my week off of work. Which is fair. I've got stuff to keep me busy and things I know I need to do. Just need to find a direction to move in and get going again, I think. I mean, I know I'm going to be moving slowly for a while, but that's. I just need to keep moving. Anyway, point is, I'm still in the land of the living and I am getting back on track!

Aaaand I'm back again How's it going?

HI FRIEND! Just poking my head in to see how things are going for you!

Love the tattoo! And looking forward to seeing yours when it's done too! ...need tattoo studios to open back up over here ASAP!

Just catching up! I'm happy to hear things are going well with R, and happier still to know you're keeping sight on your own goals and self-care. It's so, so easy to get wrapped up in a new relationship, just as others have said, and forget yourself. Don't forget yourself. Love yourself as best you can.

Brief update to say an actual update will happen when the new computer is delivered this evening. Laptop go boom...

Good thoughts, I hope? Really though, thanks, and it's always nice to have you drop by here.

Exactly so. It'd be nice to get a solid month off, but there's no chance of that, not where I am now anyway, unfortunately. I mean, it's fixable, so that's something anyway. Just got to brew up the willpower to stay the course. And trust me, I know! I try to allow myself plenty of time with my feelings nowadays, good and bad, and work through them as best I can. Despite my own best efforts I do sometimes end up wallowing, but I'm far, far better at pulling myself out of it now.

It is definitely a more attainable and realistic goal for me right now, and ideally I'd like to be more or less settled there. Maybe I'll take the occasional trip into the land of positivity, but if I can stay neutral and out of negativity, that'll be a solid win for me. There have definitely been some interesting times recently, no doubt about it... And hey, doesn't matter whether it's one of us or everyone struggling, we stick together in what ways we can. I have a little extra energy to continue to poke and prod, so I will continue to do so Well hey there stranger! It's wonderful to see you back around these parts Honestly, right now the pandemic barely makes it into the top five of things that are a major issue in my life right now... Probably doesn't say much about my life at the moment, but hey, I try to deal with what I get and pushing for that neutral mindset is going to be a major help there. It's trying, but...

W?D? The feeling of exhaustion persists, but I'm very close to a week off of work, and that's usually when whatever lingering tiredness makes itself known by basically consuming me. It's not exactly a fun process, but it is a familiar one. But in a little over two weeks I'll have time to recover and regroup, and maybe by then I'll be able to start making some sense of my life again. This year has already been a whole hell of a lot. I don't imagine life is going to relent anytime soon either! For the remainder of this challenge I'm going to work on two things. One, getting out of bed within half an hour of my alarm. Baby steps! That in turn should help regulate my sleep schedule to something better than I have. And maybe I'll stop waking up between 2-3am every single morning... I do get back to sleep eventually, but the time in between is restless and uncomfortable. Two, a walking commute whenever I can manage. When I say I've put on a lot of weight, I mean it. It's causing me joint pain, particularly in my knees, and that's the kind of thing that's made worse by 7+ hour shifts where I am constantly on my feet. Literally not allowed to sit down apart from a fifteen minute break. I know this will be helped by losing the weight I've put on, and a part of what helped me do so before was walking. Also, walking to and from work will save me a little money. Win-win, I reckon. Unofficially, I'm working on my self-talk, trying to move back to a neutral mindset. Right now it's increasingly negative and that has got to stop. Yes, I put on weight, but that does not diminish my worth or who I am as a person. While I know reaching for a wholly positive mindset is a bit of a stretch for me, I've had success with maintaining a neutral mindset in the past. So that's where I'm aiming. And really, anything else I can do along the way to help myself, well, I'll do it!

It's not the worst, but it isn't the best either. Though I think I've got something worked out to get a replacement within the next couple of months. Just need it to hold out for that long!

Hey there, me again, just checking in and hoping life is treating you well.

Hope things are going well for you! ...you may be living my dream right now!

Looks like you're making great progress! Though I have to say I find the whole reversed door thing kinda hilarious. Who does that?! Here's hoping this week has been full of renovational progress for you guys