Seabright

Mon Apr 1 Hoo boy. I can't believe it's been over a month since my last update. Boo. That ol' huge-ass work project really took all I had. It's pretty much done, now, so let's get back in the saddle and get 'er done! Time for a Spring check-in and a tiny bit of planning for the next 90 days. Update / Plan #1 - Physical Health Eating right got derailed with the huge-ass work project. The dreary rain didn't help much, neither. Now it's all done and time to get back to it! Walking also derailed due to inclement weather. I'm definitely behind here, if I want to do some big hikes when the weather clears up. Steadily moving forward with Tai Chi, and starting to feel pretty good about my first weapons form. Who knew a fan could be so lethal? I credit the forward momentum with the 3 private lessons I had to make up some classes I missed. I'm going to ask about doing setting these up as a regular thing. I've add nightly stretching to accompany the X-Files binge watching. I really love this. I love being part of a school, and even though it's a hella drive, I learn something new every time. Spring check-in: 50/50. Not bad. I'll take it. Plan: Cook a real meal at least 3 times per week. Walk 3 x week, even if it's just around the block. One hike on the weekends. It can be short and easy. Ask about private lessons and see if I can swing it. Update / Plan #2 - Music I've played bass at one very small jam (3 people) that also had a lot of talking between songs. I've revisited my inspiration playlist. I've been invited to invitational jams (bass) and I've declined because I can't get through 2+ hours of music. I've done little else. I just can't seem to find my mojo. I don't want to go to the Sunday afternoon jam because it's the one time I'm alone in the house, and the one time I can do a little restorative yoga session without interruptions. I've thought about dropping this goal, but the idea of that makes me sorta sad. But the idea of trying to find time for this just makes me feel tired--my spare energy seems to be going to the Physical Health goal. Spring check-in: Blocked. Plan: Stop beating myself up. Put this goal on hold until June. In the meantime, take my mandolin off the wall 5 days per week. That's it. All I have to do it touch it and take it off the wall. Update / Plan #3- Dress Colorfully This effort has really been something. When things get tough or I feel a little down, I find myself actually craving dark, dreary colors and oversized everything. My brain cringes away from anything colorful. It's just clothes, WTF. So weird. I've kept going, though, even if I'm wearing that slightly grungy blue turtleneck. Bright scarf, belt, or earrings count. Recently showed up to work wearing a tangerine sweater and got many compliments. Win! Spring check-in: On track. Plan: Any new purchases of anything must be a non-dark, non-dreary color. I'm going to try for daily updates, just to help myself get back on track in the short term. Okie dokie! Onward!

Thur Feb 22 All better now. I reflected on last week's update and realized there was a lot that was in my control. Baby steps forward on all fronts. Plus, I am a trained professional and this does not phase me. The updates: Colors Last Friday I found myself reaching for that big ol' heavy long dark sweater again. That seemed to be my go-to for hiding from the world. Did you catch that verb tense, Rebels? I said 'seemed.' Because last weekend I spent 3 days going through every drawer and hanger and shelf in my closet and Maria Kondo'd the hell out that puppy. Did it fit? Was it a nice color? Did it make me feel awesome? In short, did it spark joy? When I put it on, that spendy sweater reminded me of taking care of my little daddy and how hard that was, and all the grief and sadness and fear of the dark pandemic years. That sweater is gone now, along with 8 bags of things I'd been hanging on to from days gone by. Someone at the Goodwill is going to score with all those size S cashmere sweaters. What's left? Why, pretty colors, things that fit--and a few gaps. Now I have a shopping list of those core items every Rebel should have in their closet, and I'll get those things over time as finances allow. And when I do they will fit, and they will be in flattering shapes and pretty colors. Dress the body you have right now, babe. When I wrote 'Dress Colorfully' for a 2024 goal, part of me thought that goal wasn't 'big enough.' Who knew that it would be so life-changing? Yay for me! And this time I really mean it! Yay for me! Physical Health I dosed myself with my 'when I'm being pushed hard' homeopathic quack remedy, and by golly it worked. What's in that stuff? The cough is still there, but it has eased quite a bit, I have more energy, and I'm starting to feel my brainwaves fall back into an organized patterns. Synaptic junctions are re-firing. Picked up my fan and did a couple of forms between rainstorms. Being Present Woke up at 4am thinking about work stuff. Rather than lie there ruminating and stressing out because I couldn't sleep because of all the stuff I had to do, I decided to just get up and come out to my little backyard office (ahem, yeah, well, it's a tool shed, but it's all mine), and get things done. I can't worry about the future of that project right now, and there's not much I can do about it. I've got another biggie that needs my attention at the moment, so that's where my energy is going. @Sovalis, thank you so much for the blob hug. That really helped me last week. Back on track, Rebels! Walk the straight and narrow, and stay strong and true.

Thur Feb 15 Well, guess I spoke too soon. I've been staggering around, no balance, brain fog, tired-to-the-bone fatigue, and just barely hanging in there. Feeling better now, though I fear I must credit that with the many many Diet Cokes that are now in my refrigerator and my blood stream. Bad stuff at work today. My project area of accessibility was basically voted off the island by leadership. Oof. Tough to take, since I wasn't even invited to the discussion. I admit to spending an hour or so raging against the machine. Maybe a little longer than an hour. REALLY having to force myself not to care here. When I think about it, though, sometimes it's not about the wins but about how we handle the losses and disappointments. No one wants to work with a petulant whiner who can't get on board. There's still plenty to do in my area. Puh-lenty. I have a project plan for the full year--why don't I just execute that without being on the island? It will be tougher, but not impossible. Plus, I'll look like a team player, and someone who knows how to disagree and commit. All the things that look so nice on one's performance evaluation at the end of the year. "Undaunted, Seabright continued to pursue the dream of products that meet WCAG 2.1 AA guidelines. Yay for Seabright! All hail!" Yay for me. Other updates: Colors Found that when I'm a little down it is SUPER hard for me to put on a bright color. Why is that? I decided that a bright turquoise belt counts. Physical Health In the toilet. Coughing all the time. Brain is a disorganized bowl full of quivering curds. Haven't walked in forever. Starting all over. Boo. Being Present This is a lot harder when I start to care about work. I basically stopped doing Tai Chi standing, brocades, forms, fan, the whole bit. First it was because I was really sick, then it was because I was recovering from being really sick, now it's because I'm stressed out about work. Basically I'm feeling a teeny bit down today.

Oooh! Look what I found on my dresser. I remember grabbing this for myself when I was Christmas shopping. I'm going to put it on my monitor stand.

Wed, Jan 24 Welp, it got me. I was walking around the house feeling great, taking care of the spousal unit, doing all the things and thinking, "I'm awesome! I have a constitution of cast-iron and an immune system of titanium! Nothing can touch me!" Then I got sick. Argh. So, I've been on the rails for almost 2 weeks, staggering around the house and being disgusting and not eating well and binge-watching the X-Files. Did you know that a show featuring a fat-sucking urban vampire doesn't actually make you feel better? No updates other than today is the first day I've felt well enough to climb back in the saddle. Definitely on the mend. Will coast for another day or two and then do an amazing reset, where I basically start the year all over again! Woo hoooo! Stay safe and well, little Rebels!

Fri Jan 5 Sovalis! You wild thing! I thought I felt someone's gaze upon me. Let's make 2024 a madhouse of riotous color together! Other updates: Colors Freezing cold here, and ended up turning to my old huge green wool cardigan thing. Added a bright scarf to offset the dreariness. Found that a bright turquoise turtle underneath dark blue shirt cheers things up, too. Now wearing a bright peach-colored turtleneck. Did you hear me? I said PEACH!! Who IS this person?? Physical Health No sugar, no alcohol, tiny bit of caffeine in the form small sips of the spousal unit's coffee, 1/2 can of diet coke, and an Exedrine yesterday. It's been chilly and wet here, so haven't been able to do a form (the back patio is the only place with enough room), but I have been able to fling my fan around and learn out to open and close that sucker like a madman. Have been oversleeping and skipping morning standing and exercises in favor of making an good solid breakfast of eggs, onions, spinach, and sausage. If it's good food vs exercise, I decided to prioritize the eating right. Other news Soooo, the spousal unit just tested positive for covid. He went to a jam at someone's house and sat next to someone who tested positive later that evening. Boo. I don't have symptoms and have been testing negative, but will play it safe and stay away from Tai Chi class for a bit until I'm thoroughly out of the woods. Also, I won't be going into the office to meet the minimum days-in-the-office leadership request. I'm doing it for the good of the company. For being present, I found myself creating a plan to rebuild our back porch and turn it into a laundry room. What's wrong with me?? I deleted the plan, and as a balm added a calendar reminder to create an actual plan some time in the spring. Stay groovy, little Rebels!

Fri Jan 5 Annnnnnd....I changed my mind. Sheesh. Woke up with my neck in a bit of pain after cleaning my little office (never clean, kids, it's not safe), and I thought to my self, "Self, what am I doing? ' I just don't want to have my hand injury recur because I rushed getting back into bass-playing shape. I declined the gig this morning. I'll post my getting-back-into-music-playing-shape plan here soon. Other updates: Colors I wore a bright heliotrope sweater on Tuesday, a hot pink turtleneck on Wednesday, a bright turquoise turtle on Thurs, and a cornflower blue wool sweater today. This is freakin' fun, although now I have a LOT of laundry to do. So different from wearing the same baggy dark grey long sleeve 3 days in a row. Physical Health I ate really well all week, even when I had to rush out the door without dinner. Stuck to apples for snacks--just discovered the kiku and mind blown--lots of water and tea, non-caffeinated, sugar-free soda. I did have a 1/2-can of diet coke yesterday and today and I deeply regret both. I have all kinds of excuses for those lapses (I didn't want to nod off on my way home from class, I needed a spark to get some stuff done, etc), but we all know that excuses are totally lame. I also did standing meditation every day except today because I overslept this morning. I'm looking at you, Diet Coke I had yesterday to keep from nodding off on my drive home. See? See how bad that is for me? Overall Anyhoo, I feel pretty happy and great, overall. Ended the week strong. More to come!

Thurs Jan 4 Well well well well well. Well. Just got an invite to play the bass at an invitational thing in early Feb. I have until Saturday to respond. Hoo boy. Am I ready to put my money where my mouth is? It's a 2-hour gig at a taco place, sort of an invitational jam, so on the casual side. If I say yes, then I need to start playing RIGHT NOW, today, this very day, and I would have about one month to remember how to play, build up strength, and get my finger callouses back. This is what in the tech world we call a 'forcing function.' If I don't have a forcing function, then the odds of me returning to the bass with enough regularity and focus to be able to play a full gig ever again are slim to none. It can take weeks to build up those callouses, let me tell ya. Am I saying that I don't want to do this? That I don't want to play the bass again? Because that's what not-practicing and not working at it will mean. When I started playing the mandolin, I actually had people tell me to stop and to just stick to the bass. Okay, yeah, I'm pretty good on the bass, but jeez. I remember feeling like many pickers who I thought were friends only really liked me for my bass playing. I had someone be openly be mean to me when I wouldn't put down the mando and go get my bass. Once I went from kicking ass on the bass to be a rank beginner on the mandolin, it was like we couldn't be friends any more. So that was eye-opening. Bluegrass bass is no fun to play just all on your lonesome. 1-5-1-5. Rinse, repeat. The mandolin, on the other hand, is hella fun on your own, even when you're just learning. But. I did say I wanted to recover proficiency on those instruments, and the bass is one of them. It's right there. I wrote it down, right there in my 2024 goals. Okay. I'm going to say Yes, and reserve the right to back out in 2 weeks if it looks like I just won't get there in time physically. I wrote it down and it shall be so. This has been helpful. Thanks, Rebels.

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALS! Coming up on the Year of the Dragon! Woo hoo! The mood for 2024 will be one of growth and adventure, with the Dragon urging us on in the pursuit of our dreams with creativity, passion, courage, and confidence. That sounds pretty good to me! For goals this year, I'm tweaking a couple from last year and adding in something new. I feel that the life changes I've made in the last year are here to stay, but I want to keep one foot in the Rabbit camp to help keep some of that flow going through this next year. I'll also keep it cool and groovy with my check-ins, aiming for a weekly rhythm but not beating myself up if it's not perfect. I want to update enough to stay accountable, but it shouldn't feel burdensome. I may add interim goals throughout the year, and I'll track those here in my battle log. I'm also keeping my Big Why and Internal Motivations here with my goals, just to have those front and center. That really helped keep me grounded last year, so let's stick with a winner. Soooo, here we go! My Big Why Human adventurer, I want to be fit and healthy so I can explore and enjoy all the beauty the outdoor world has to offer, in all kinds of weather, all the days of my life. My Internal Motivations I feel better when I stay on track with my eating and skip the sugar and alcohol. I feel more relaxed and able to go with the flow when I do something introspective first thing in the morning. I feel healthy, happy, and proud when I finish a good hike. My 2024 Goals 1. Have an adventure in physical health: eat right and exercise Time to get back down to my fighting weight. It's cheaper than buying all new clothes. Paleo eating with a bit of Sommersizing thrown in to jump-start the year. Walking 3 x per week. If it's raining, walk the floors of my office building. Tai Chi daily, meditation and at least one form. I'd like to get my blue fringe by year-end. That's 3 weapons forms away, but I like a good stretch goal. This goal above all others. If I get squeezed for time or feel other pressures, I can drop anything else, but this one stays. If I get squeezed for time inside this goal, eating right takes priority, then walking. 2. Pursue music with renewed passion: regain proficiency It was a hella long pandemic, and I haven't played any music since the beginning of 2020. I want to recover my abilities, with courage and confidence. I'd like to not only get back to where I was before I stopped playing, but also learn new things on my instruments. Upright bass, guitar, mandolin. I'll come up with a plan of attack later, but I've been ambivalent about taking this up again, so stating this as a goal is a big step for me. If I get squeezed for time, mandolin first, then bass, then guitar. 3. Wear my creativity on my sleeve: dress colorfully I'm so tired of dark and muted colors. They don't reflect how I feel inside. After 3 years of dressing in olive green sweats, a ratty dark green turtle neck, and an enormous knee-length dark green cardigan, it's time to bust out. I've NEVER worn the bright colors I really love, so this is going to take a bit of courage. Squish-bug green, here I come! I will wear at least one item of colorful clothing each day, until this feels natural. Power word for 2024: Present Calm, strong, and steady, it's time to come into my own. After a 2023 of planning planning and more planning, I want to stop and focus on what is presently fabulous, instead of planning and waiting for the next thing. This will take practice, as I’m far too eager to check things off my list. Planning is important, but I can become invested in the planning, to the point where the planning itself becomes my all. I found I can feel lost when the plan comes to fruition, thinking, 'Now what? What's next? Another plan!' I want to intentionally enjoy what is right in front of me, right now. I'll approach my goals this year with this in mind, and with a sense of calm and powerful flow. There may be some planning, but on a smaller scale and more consciously as a means to an end. I've written my word at the top of my daily to-do list, on my weekly financial check-in sheet, and on a sticky at the top of my screen. All righty, Rebels! Stay chill, stay groovy, walk the straight and narrow and stay strong and true! Let's go get 'em!

Year-End Wrap! This was the Year of the Rabbit, and I took inspiration from our long-eared friends to spend the year focusing on rest, introspection, and working smarter, not harder. I chilled a bit, put on a peasant blouse and tiered skirt, and just went with the flow. Or tried to. Here's the 2023 year-end wrap report! My Big Why Human adventurer, I want to be fit and healthy so I can explore and enjoy all the beauty the outdoor world has to offer, in all kinds of weather, all the days of my life. My Internal Motivations I feel better when I stay on track with my eating and skip the sugar and alcohol. I feel more relaxed and able to go with the flow when I do yoga and Tai Chi first thing in the morning. I feel healthy, happy, and proud when I finish my daily walk. I feel more optimistic when I work on my own writing every day. My 2023 Goals 1. Eat right and take care of myself I'm now off caffeine. I sorta can't believe it. Thank you, homeopathic quackery! Win! I stumbled a bit with eating during the remodeling months and ended the year about 15 pounds over where I'd like to be (up to a 2 dress sizes). Boo. I put myself first in my own schedule and prioritized all medical appointments. Win! I did some good hiking, but fell short of being in shape enough to explore some trails that I had wanted to. Didn't get in any solo hiking. Boo-ish. I started Tai Chi in February and I'm LOVING it! Big win! I had friends over for dinner several times, once the kitchen was usable again. Nice! FINAL GRADE: B+ 2. At work, I care about just 2 things: partnerships and accessibility I pretty much stayed on-track with this, with a just a hiccup here and there because I'm human and stuff. I really do feel so much more relaxed and go-with-the-flow-ish compared to how I started this year. This goal really made a difference to my overall well-being. FINAL GRADE: A 3. Finish the remodel in one piece and then party down 10 weeks in the trailer turned into 16, but we stayed good-natured and positive almost the whole time. We things came up, we talked through them, stuck to our guns when appropriate, pivoted when it made sense. We now have a lovely, functional space full of custom touches that make us happy every day. FINAL GRADE: A RECAP ON THE POWER WORD FOR 2023: Flow This was the perfect word for me this year. I posted my word all over the place, so I would see it every day and take a minute to breathe. No need to paddle hard, the gentle flow of the water took me to where I wanted to be. You know, for the most part. 😉 FINAL GRADE: A+ OVERALL I feel like I ended this year in a really good place. The homeopathy led me to surprising places, and I worked through some foundational childhood issues that needed addressing. I'll tell you about it some time, here in a future battle log. Suffice it to say, it doesn't do you any good to pretend stuff didn't happen. It will just come out again, years later, in the form of some nagging physical problem. The bizarre thing about homeopathy is that it really addresses the WHOLE you, mind, body, and spirit, and you have to be sort of brave to see it through. The stuff that surfaced for me this year...hoo boy. But here I am. I'm not out on the other side, yet, but I'm able to look evil in the face, and speak it's name out loud, which is something I couldn't do before. 2023 was a great year. OVERALL GRADE FOR THE YEAR: A+ Yay for me!

Dec 30, 2023 Yes, I know. Not really Dec 30, 2023. I'm going to do an update from last time, then a year-end wrap, and then I'll start anew with a fresh look at 2024! Self-Care Standing meditation ranging between 30 and 40 mins a day, and averaging around 35 mins. Dig it! Neck much much better! Thanks to the new chiro and the easy and effective exercises she's given me. Coolio! Trigger thumb almost gone! Still wearing the brace on long drives, but otherwise just a tiny bit of knuckle pain is left to tell the tale. We had a bunch of rain and fell out of the hiking habit. Looking forward to more exploring soon! Still on it with the homeopathy quackery. And, by golly, I think it's helping! I definitely have more energy, and the cough is slowly going away. Passed my Tai Chi orange fringe test! Woo hoo! Bring on my first weapon! Stop caring about stuff Took the last 2 weeks of December off, which really helped put the planet into perspective. It took a lot of work, but I've stopped caring about a whole bunch of stuff, not just work stuff. Other stuff Henry the Kitten and Dolly the Elderly Lady actually played together in some packing paper. I caught them sleeping side by side on the bed. Dolly let Henry lick her ears. He still bugs her by pouncing on her repeatedly in the morning. Next up Write the year-end wrap. Create goals for 2024. Do all the things. I'm definitely feeling better. Ready to get 'er done! Onward!

Fri, Oct 28 Oh, hello there. Yah, it's me again. Kickin' it and killin' it, oh yes indeedy! Self-Care Standing meditation is back on as a thing! Working my way back up to the over-20-min mark. I'd love to be at 30 mins per day by the end of the year. The non-force chiropracter appt was freakin' AWESOME! I've been back a couple of times and feel SO much better! Yay! So glad I used 20 seconds of courage and made that first appointment. Trigger thumb thingie much better. Ended up getting another brace, so now I have one for the car and one to wear at night. Also, I've been off coffee since Oct 1--and I think that's helped. Coming along! Some nice hikes in the redwoods with more on the way. People over for dinner now and then. Have been going to Tai Chi up in the big city twice a week and I'm loving it. I entered the beginner division at that tournament in September and ended up with a gold medal. (She said humbly.) That felt nice! And I did feel a little weird and awkward there, but I decided to just get over myself. Had a couple of nice conversations with my competitors, too, aka People I Didn't Already Know. Stop caring about stuff Found one thing to care about at work! That isn't org-related! And has some kind of meaning that might actually help people! And makes me look busy! Look at me, effecting change! Finding that one thing really helps with not-caring about other things. Remodel Done. Finito. Over with. The only thing left are Yelp updates. 😉 Taking this off the list next update. Wow, what a journey! Other stuff Henry the kitten is a monster and attacks anything that moves. Older kitty Dolly has decided to let him live. After a bunch of chasing and hissing this morning, they settled down NEAR EACH OTHER in front of the fireplace! The peaceable kingdom. Next up Keep up with the walks in the woods. See if I'm ready to take the next test. That orange fringe is just teasing me now. Plan that trip to Vermont next fall and just do it. Mojo now back! Yes! Onward!

Mon, Sept 18 Sort of a rough-ish week last week, work-wise. I'm definitely being challenged to not care. Self-Care Standing meditation is off and on, but I'm averaging around 25 mins or so. Took a nice solo hike in Henry Cowell. I couldn't get far (humbling), but it was nice to be in the woods on my lonesome (freeing). Finally made an appointment with a new chiropractor to investigate something funky going on with my mid-back. Big win! Normally I would just wait another 6 months for the issue to just magically go away. Now, to show up! Icing trigger thumb nightly. Bought a brace to wear, too. Have stayed away from weeding and anything else that will make it worse. Entered a little tournament at the end of the month. Going back and forth on this...am I too new? Too old? Too out of it? Too forward? Will I get there and feel stupid because I don't know what to do? Will I get there and feel stupid because I'm way out of my league/ way older than everyone else / way stiffer than everyone else / way more unbalanced than everyone else? Will I feel 'othered'? Will this be fun and make me feel good and part of a community, or will I feel like I'm a third wheel who shoved her away into a party where she doesn't belong? All of the above makes me feel like cutting back on coffee is impacting my mental health. I could really use a Diet Coke right now. I haven't had one in weeks. Stop caring about stuff An org change had the unfortunate (and predictable) result of disempowering me and my colleagues. This morning I crafted a rebuttable to a decision to exclude us from a key leadership offsite. I spent a couple of hours on it, and finally chucked it over to chatGPT to make it sound 'professional and dispassionate.' My finger hovered over Send again and again. Why did I care about this? How much should I care? I finally Zoomed with a colleague to get their perspective on the situation. They told me they felt the same way--they were irked by the situation, but had to admit they were at the point where they didn't care. All they wanted was to be left alone to take care of their team and have some energy left at the end of the day for friends and family. I didn't send. I think I still care, but I didn't send. Why pick a fight with a VP? It's a bummer. But I'll focus on taking care of my team and having enough energy left at the end of the day for Tai Chi, my family, my new kitten, hiking, and spending time with friends. Burn it all down. Remodel Finally got the last little drawer in place. Paid the final invoice. Meeting with the contractor tomorrow to do a final walk-through. Other stuff We found out our beautiful older girl kitty has lymphoma. It's at the beginning stages, so we're treating it with diet and B12 shots as a way to help her with energy and just feeling lousy. Seems to be working! She definitely has her purr back. She's our little baby. We'll make her comfortable and keep her happy for as long as we can. Next week (which is really THIS week , since it's Monday) Walk at least a little bit every day. Get my act together at work and find a way to get my mojo back. Find time to craft my life vision for myself, to include work-as-a-way-to-support-my-vision, as opposed to work-as-my-vision. Just re-read this whole thing and it sounds like I'm a little down right now. And I guess I am. I blame society. Anyhoo, just talking about it here helps a bit. I am a trained professional and this does not phase me. Onward!

Fri, Sept 8 Did I say I would update things once a week? I didn't say, like, every other month or so? Hmmm. Anyhoo, update time! Self-Care I feel like I'm doing well overall. I'd like to do better with food and such, but overall, not bad. I've made--and gone to--a bunch of health appointments. Points for making the appointment, double points for showing up! Still on track with the little white sugar pills. Had an interesting episode where my quack doc tried another remedy and it triggered memories of absolutely every single stupid and regrettable thing I've ever done in my whole life. Also, my back started going out every single morning. Also, I would randomly cry when I walked into REI. So. Back to the previous remedy, lickety-split. Still dealing with the cough, but now it is definitely tied to certain foods. Getting on that. Started going up to the Big City for Tai Chi twice a week. Having fun and learning lots. Plus, I like the sense of community that taking class in a martial arts center gives me. I'm going to go to a little baby tournament at the end of September, too. Standing meditation in the mornings for around 25 mins or so. Stop caring about stuff I may have taken 'stop caring about stuff' to an unfortunate level at work. Turns out, I now care about hardly anything there, including showing up and getting any work done. Oops. I care far less about random traffic problems, niggles, and nits, and I really notice that. Definitely feeling the flow. Remodel Everything from the remodel has finally been put away or hauled away. Thinking about a bathroom-warming party. Other stuff New kitten! Henry! Our little baby tabby boy! Our beautiful girl Dolly is still growling at him and chasing him around the house, but I think she may have decided to let him live. Here is the spousal unit and Henry, just enjoying the morning. Next week Ask if I can attend the advanced class on Mondays Assess 3/4-year progress (since I missed mid-year) Do at least one form per day Onward!

Wait. What? I haven't updated my log since the middle of May? That's kah-razy! Well! Time to fix that, I tell you what. Fri, July 7 Back in the house! We're back in the house, I tell you! Back. In. The. House. Self-Care Did I mention that we're back in the house? Yep. Fact. Spent all July 4 cleaning and dusting and unpacking and what-not. The mental relief is yuuuuuge. Back doing standing meditation and eight pieces of brocade in the mornings, but now I have a new kitchen to do them in. Started cooking again, as of the day before yesterday. Stocked the refrigerator. Thinking about taking 3 weeks off of work, for a nice long break. The Man wants us to come back into the office twice a week. Am thinking about adding another Tai Chi class up in the Big City since I'll be half-way there anyway. That will take the sting out of driving over the mountains again. Hey! I got my first school fringe on my sash! That felt really good. Stop caring about stuff Without the weekly check-ins to stop caring about stuff, I realize that I've been caring about too much stuff. Boy. Caring about stuff just isn't good. That is all. I'm changing the heading of this section from 'Caring about stuff' to 'Stop caring about stuff.' Remodel Did I mention that we're back in the house? Still a few things to be completed, but we can use the kitchen and bathroom and boy, are we using them. Doors being refinished today. Bathroom cabinet still be completed. Some other doors and trims and shelves and such to go, here and there. It really does look wonderful. The bathroom is adorable. Other stuff Little kitty-kins is settling back in, although she has played it safe by staying under the bed in her plush kitty cave for most of the day. She just found out this morning that the kitchen is a LOT more echoey than before. A demanding meow really has some power now. No problems around her new feeding station. Now I need to get back into the routine of regular grocery runs, so we always have healthy food in the house. Gettin' there. Next week Double-down on that office food strategy. I'm part way there with breakfast, but everything else is pretty tragic still. Try Tai Chi on Tuesday and see what that's like. Mid-year assessment on all the things. Onward!

Fri, May 19 Who knows where the time goes? Who kno-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohz where the ti-eye-eye-eyem goes? Self-Care Did a couple of mid-day and post-work walks. Did standing for a few mins, along with gentle chi kungedness. Learned a new form and bought a fan to practice with. Showed up for my dermo appt and had a few things sliced off. Made an annual lady-parts appointment...for July. Hey, at least I got it on the calendar. Decided to take next Thurs & Fri off. Booked a little sunset sail for next weekend. Am definitely not back on track with the eating. Cookies for dinner last night at the office before heading up to the Big City. Still too much coffee but less than last week. Next week will focus on getting my food-like act together while back in the office. Caring about stuff Big week for caring about stuff! Spiraled a bit and had a sleepless night overly caring. But only ONE, so that's a win! Yay for me! Got ahold of myself by the end of the week. Remodel Oy. Tiling tiling tiling slow tiling questions about tiling more slow tiling tile guy was sick and then had questions and for the love of Bobby Berk when will that bathroom tiling ever be done? Absolutely nothing else happening. Just bathroom tile. Still to tile: The Kitchen. Something we wanted to do ended up costing roughly twice what we estimated. Took baby Dolly to the vet for a check-up. All is well and the vet felt we were doing the right thing by just keeping her in my office. Hanging tough. Other stuff The spousal unit just found a BUNCH of baby rats coming out of a hole near my office. Ye gods. Next week Food strategy for the office: Omelet & bacon from the cafeteria okay for breakfast. Bring applesauce for snacks. Hit that mind-blowing salad bar at lunchtime. Yeah, the one I've been ignoring in favor of the grill. Bring my own semi-healthy frozen meal for dinner. Bring one and only one Larabar for the drive home after class. Okie dokie, fellow Rebels! Keep your chin up and let's stay strong and true!

Sovalis, you wild thing, you! I thought I felt someone's eyes upon me. Thanks so much for the good vibes!

Monday, May 8 Catch-up time! I feel like I've taken a bit of a step backwards, health-wise. Coughing my head off all over the dang place. Some of it is crummy nutrition, some of it is dust from construction, some of it is fluffy gray kitty hair, and some of it is that ol' standby stress. So many things! Let's look at 'em by category. Self-Care Eating has devolved to microwavable everything. Those lovely, fluffy, puff-ball plans to keep cooking nutritious food and FOMAP-eschewing meals has come to naught. Naught, I tell you! Naught! Adult beverages every night. Too much caffeine. Haven't been to the gym in weeks. Hanging tough with Tai Chi class, though. Still showing up and doing the thing. I did a bit of standing this morning. First time since starting the remodel. Felt good. Caring about stuff Started caring about work things. Which led to stressing out about a sudden leadership change. Which then led to stressing out about doing a year-end write-up self evaluation that justifies my existence, but not too obviously. I had actually forgotten that I wasn't going to care about this stuff. Behold the value in regular updates! Remodel 7 weeks down. I think. I'm losing track. Cabinets are pretty much up. Knobs and pulls are almost all on. Sinks are in. Counters are in. They are gorgeous. Bathroom shower stall holds water. Tiling has started. Kitty had her first big let-me-out-of-here episode today. The weather is lovely and she wanted OUT. I'm taking the odd shower in the basement garage at work. It really is going to be lovely, but we are now definitely in the long, dark tea-time of the soul. Other stuff The homeopathy is on-going. I feel like I need a break from digging up and dealing with the horrors of my past, though. I volunteered at the Point Lobos Spring Bio Blitz (to count species) and met a bunch of people who also like to drop to their knees in the middle of a hike to marvel at a fairy lantern calochortus. My people! We really do live in a beautiful world. Next week Keep on with the standing. That's it. That's all I'm going to ask of myself. That's the one thing. Sheesh. I hope you. are all hanging in there, Rebel brethren! Onward!

Mon Apr 24 I'm not okay today. Someone I care about decided to leave this world. I just want to let someone know. The Internet is a strange place. Here, in the quiet of my office, it's just me and my battle log. I don't have to pretend, or worry that my team will find out about the sorrow I'm feeling, and worry that they will wonder if I'm going to be 'productive.' Should I tell them? I would be 'modeling the behavior' for them, to show them that it's okay to let others know when you're not okay, when you need a minute. I just don't want a lot of sympathy. I just want them to sorta know. And now that I write that, I can see that the right thing to do is just to put a little message in Slack. Those on my team who sometimes struggle will see it, and maybe see that it's okay not to be perfect all the time.

Action plan progress as of 4/14/23 Mar month-end finance wrap Do this tomorrow during the day. Block time on cal right now to complete. DONE! Call that one friend from years and years ago who sends me birthday cards every year She would rather get a quick e to check in, rather than nothing at all. So do that. It's okay to keep it simple --- this doesn't need to be the story of your life. A few salient details then, 'More later'. Get that one article finished and out there You're over-thinking this. The point is to get words out. You can follow up with fab pics and formatting later. DONE! Audit the new accessibility page Yes, this page is awful. And it's going to stay awful if someone doesn't take responsibility for it. YOU are SOMEONE. With that being said, don't overthink this. Just send the team a heads-up that you'll be adding stuff to their bug sheet over the next few weeks as time allows. Do that today. Then, go for one thing a day. Get the clarkias in the ground Keep them watered daily. Put in ground Saturday morning. DONE! Practice my forms in the plural Get over yourself. Yes, it's cold. So what? Put on a jacket, scarf, and hat, and do these while waiting for breakfast to heat up. BACK ON TRACK! Gained weight and nothing fits You hold the key to this right in your hand. You know what to do. You're worried it will add to your stress, but I can guaran-freakin'-tee you that you will feel better, more relaxed, and back in control if you straighten up and fly right. Good start this morning with planning on eating lunch before leaving for the big city, and for bringing along a fairly healthy frozen dinner to chow down on before your class. You can do this! I believe in you!

Action plan progress as of 4/6/23 Mar month-end finance wrap Do this tomorrow during the day. Block time on cal right now to complete. Time now blocked on calendar Pay that one bill that's been lingering Find out if can pay by Zelle. Send a note right now and ask. Email sent! Paid! Text my sister in law This doesn't need to be a long thing. Just send a quick check-in. You can even start with 'Quick check-in' and go from there. Done! Call my oldest brother Calling is tough so just acknowledge that. Send him a quick email to check in. You can even start with 'Quick check-in' and go from there. Done! Call my aunt Ditto. Same as above. Quick e to check in and let her know it's tough to call right now. Done! Call that one friend from years and years ago who sends me birthday cards every year She would rather get a quick e to check in, rather than nothing at all. So do that. It's okay to keep it simple --- this doesn't need to be the story of your life. A few salient details then, 'More later'. Get that one article finished and out there You're over-thinking this. The point is to get words out. You can follow up with fab pics and formatting later. Audit the new accessibility page Yes, this page is awful. And it's going to stay awful if someone doesn't take responsibility for it. YOU are SOMEONE. With that being said, don't overthink this. Just send the team a heads-up that you'll be adding stuff to their bug sheet over the next few weeks as time allows. Do that today. Then, go for one thing a day. Get the clarkias in the ground Keep them watered daily. Put in ground Saturday morning. Practice my forms in the plural Get over yourself. Yes, it's cold. So what? Put on a jacket, scarf, and hat, and do these while waiting for breakfast to heat up. Gained weight and nothing fits You hold the key to this right in your hand. You know what to do. You're worried it will add to your stress, but I can guaran-freakin'-tee you that you will feel better, more relaxed, and back in control if you straighten up and fly right. Good start this morning with planning on eating lunch before leaving for the big city, and for bringing along a fairly healthy frozen dinner to chow down on before your class. You can do this! I believe in you!

Thurs Apr 6 Feeling like my brain is in disarray and in need of a good clean-out. Here are the things on my mind, in no particular order: Mar month-end finance wrap Pay that one bill that's been lingering Text my sister in law Call my oldest brother Call my aunt Call that one friend from years and years ago who sends me birthday cards every year Get that one article finished and out there Audit the new accessibility page Get the clarkias in the ground Practice my forms in the plural I've gained weight and nothing fits---again Here is my action plan for each: Mar month-end finance wrap Do this tomorrow during the day. Block time on cal right now to complete. Pay that one bill that's been lingering Find out if can pay by Zelle. Send a note right now and ask. Text my sister in law This doesn't need to be a long thing. Just send a quick check-in. You can even start with 'Quick check-in' and go from there. Call my oldest brother Calling is tough so just acknowledge that. Send him a quick email to check in. You can even start with 'Quick check-in' and go from there. Call my aunt Ditto. Same as above. Quick e to check in and let her know it's tough to call right now. Call that one friend from years and years ago who sends me birthday cards every year She would rather get a quick e to check in, rather than nothing at all. So do that. It's okay to keep it simple --- this doesn't need to be the story of your life. A few salient details then, 'More later'. Get that one article finished and out there You're over-thinking this. The point is to get words out. You can follow up with fab pics and formatting later. Audit the new accessibility page Yes, this page is awful. And it's going to stay awful if someone doesn't take responsibility for it. YOU are SOMEONE. With that being said, don't overthink this. Just send the team a heads-up that you'll be adding stuff to their bug sheet over the next few weeks as time allows. Do that today. Then, go for one thing a day. Get the clarkias in the ground Keep them watered daily. Put in ground Saturday morning. Practice my forms in the plural Get over yourself. Yes, it's cold. So what? Put on a jacket, scarf, and hat, and do these while waiting for breakfast to heat up. Gained weight and nothing fits You hold the key to this right in your hand. You know what to do. You're worried it will add to your stress, but I can guaran-freakin'-tee you that you will feel better, more relaxed, and back in control if you straighten up and fly right. Good start this morning with planning on eating lunch before leaving for the big city, and for bringing along a fairly healthy frozen dinner to chow down on before your class. You can do this! I believe in you! Okay. There we go. Feeling better. Now, to execute! Onward!

Tues, Apr 5 Things are going great, and they're only getting better. I'm doing alright, getting good grades, my future's so bright, I gotta wear.... You get the picture. Self-Care All is well. I went to the gym yesterday, and boy howdy did it feel good to get back over there. My trainer was working with someone else, and brought her client over to watch me use the ab bench. 'That's how you do it, nice and slow,' I heard her say, 'Watch how she comes to the top, holds it for a second, and then takes twice as long to go back down.' Gee, that made my heart glow, especially since I see people just pumpin' 'em out on that thing. That's going to keep me warm on those long winter nights/ Steady-eddie with Tai Chi and my trips up to the big city. How I love it so! Would that I had world enough and time! Caring about stuff Not-caring is starting to come more naturally. Nothing to report. Remodel 2 1/2 weeks down! Plumbing rough done. Vent for hood in. Electrical rough done. Inspection done. Dry wall up. Another inspection done. The shower in the trailer is awesome! Piping hot water and plenty of it! Yay! Kitty really hates the nights in the trailer, and she's been having terrible little panic attacks. One of them reminded so much of an episode with my dad, that I'm thinking she may have some age-related cognition things happening. Anyhoo, we made the tough decision to leave her in my office at night, where she seems to feel the most safe. The spousal unit did get a baby monitor, though, in case she cried and needed her mommy and daddy. We're all sleeping better now. Other stuff The thing I volunteered to do is done. Now sharing it out with the mighty titans. This has put me far, far behind in some other things. I'm trying to not-care about that. My new saying to help me not-care: "Oh well. I'll do better next time." Next week Add in all the rest of my self-care. Still need to get back to standing and doing a little walking during the day. Publish one tiny little article. Just one. Pick out glass for cabinets. Pick out knobs and pulls for kitchen. Get back to walking in the redwoods after work. Okie dokie, Rebels! Staying strong and true!

Fri, Mar 24 Rain, rain, high winds, floods, rain, the levee broke, hurricane-force wind, some more rain, the main water line in the trailer sprang a leak, rain, yard too flooded to work in, horrific drive through the mountains, and then more rain, again, too, as well, also. It's been quite a week here at Seabright Industries, a Santa-Cruz -based global conglomerate. Self-Care Ye gods. Tough week. Did get to the gym on Wed and going again this afternoon. Showers! Hot showers! Morning meditation and journaling took a backseat to tending to the needs of a howling, terrified kitty. It's tough to be smol. Kept my cool the whole time, though. Yay for me! Caring about stuff Started to care about something quite vigorously, then reminded myself to not-care. Spoke out a single time, and then shut up. This is so very hard for me, but I do feel a difference in my overall anxiety level and how others respond to me. Remodel Yowzah! Kitchen & bath demo complete. So cool to see studs made of 3-inch-thick pieces of old-growth redwood, built over 100 years ago, standing the test of time. Framing rough complete. Plumbing rough 50% done. Already. Holy smokes! This is what happens when you prepare for a year and carefully, carefully select your contractor. These folks work 4 10-hour days, followed by a Friday off when a sub comes in and does their thing. Careful planning and scheduling, all materials at hand, they've done this a million times, in our town, on houses as old as ours. Speed, baby! Speed! Rain interfered with getting all set up with our trailer-and-kitchen-tent living alternatives, and wreaked havoc with planned routines. Water leak in the trailer! Argh! Using porta potty in the driveway while the spousal unit works on a tricky fix. We are trained professionals and this does not phase us. No rain for the next few days, which will allow us to find our balance again. Everyone still upright and taking nourishment. One week down, 7-9 more to go! Win! Other stuff Volunteered to do something at work. Regretting it. I just have one more thing to do with the above and then it will be done. Almost done, I tell you! If I can only stay focused today.... Next week Get back on track with all my routines: standing, journaling, tai chi-ing, gym-ing, going-into-the-office-ing. And bathing. 😉 Walk the straight and narrow, Rebels, and stay strong and true!

Wed, Mar 15 Took a vacation in there, sorta. We couldn't actually get to our desert Anza Borrego destination due to all roads there being closed by snowstorms, so glad that we had already bagged that idea. So weird. Instead, watched lots of Eureka and took plenty of naps with kitty Dolly. Big win for Dolly! Self-Care Driving up to my Tai Chi class in SF in the howling wind and rain made me feel unstoppable! Up to about 15 minutes of standing meditation at a time. Learned a new form. Turns out, in the last 30 years that particular school added 3 forms that people learn BEFORE the 24 (short) form. Practicing all 3 forms on the back patio when it's not raining. I can hear my hip sockets cracking and protesting but they'll get over it. Multiple trips to the gym for my little baby gettin'-to-know-ya-again-hey-there-muscles workout. Caring about stuff The director-level person that I had specifically decided to not-care about is leaving the company, last day Mar 23. Had to remind myself to not-care when someone overstepped with an employee of mine. Kept my cool, not-cared, and gently fixed the issue so that it won't happen again. Challenged to not-care right now, though. I'm back in the workplace office and the sun is shining directly into my eyes, searing them out of their sockets, and since it's high-tech, there's no simple way to just freakin' lower the shades. Remodel Kitchen almost all packed. Pre-construction meeting set for this Thursday. OMG!!! Convinced spousal unit that the first week or so will just be an experiment while we figure out what works. No rain for the next few days, which will really help. Still need to pick out paint colors. Other stuff Getting into the swing of coming back into the office twice a week. I'm a trained professional and this does not phase me. I also sorta like being here. I just don't like driving to get here. Next week Demo starts on Monday! I hereby vow to keep my cool and not-care. Time to get out my wooden sword and start working on re-learning how to handle it. I'll have to get over the fact that there will be a bunch of construction workers around who will be able to stand right there and watch me. Argh. Maybe I can bundle up and do stuff way early? Experiment! Go to the gym 2 times next week. Maybe add a third set of everything if I'm feeling it. Onward!