Polaris

I generally don't do goal clothes because I used to do that in my eating disordered times, and it mostly resulted in tears. But I did have some clothes stashed at the back of the closet that were a bit too tight to be comfortable, yet I was too attached to get rid off. Then I finally managed to lose some weight (nothing drastic, just about 10-12% of my total bodyweight) and the next time I tried on those clothes - most of them were too big. So I was a bit annoyed I'd lost the window when they would have fit me

Now that I think about it, I don't think goal clothes would even work that well for me. Cause while I'm on an eternal quest to replace fat with muscle, I don't think I'll change much size-wise, since so far my muscle:fat ratio development has kept my measurements fairly the same. I used to think I'll wear tight leggings and shorts and crop tops when I'm [x kg thinner/look like those other girls at the gym that wear them], but at some point I guess I... either got better self-esteem or stopped caring, and now you'd have to fight me to take away my leggings and revealing tops. I still don't have perfect fat-free thighs or anything, but I deem myself "fit enough" to wear that stuff.

Oh! I almost forgot the one instance when I had goal clothes. I used to have what I lovingly refer to as Mighty Boobage, due to no fault of my own, that prevented me from wearing all kinds of cool flimsy summer tops or bikinis or sports bras that weren't basically armor or dress shirts... the list goes on. When I finally decided to get rid off the excess, I spent the time I had to wait for surgery date dreaming about all the clothes I could wear. I've since acquired lots of previously unattainable (or rather, impossible to fit) clothes, and still won't stop rejoicing (to my friends, not, like, in public) how happy I am I never have to touch an underwire again

2 hours ago, Butternut said:

Why do you think were raised to judge other women?  I was thinking that the other day as well, becuase I have a daughter and I want her to have alot less worry then I did growing up.

Basically because we live in a sexist society where women are valued and judged by their beauty before everything else, like it's the most important thing a woman can (and must) have. And also because of that sexism, we're subtly encouraged to compete against other women instead of working together to smash the patriarchy and do other awesome stuff. (See: "I'm not like the other girls"; "I only have guy friends bc girls are catty"; all that stems from the same mindset.) So because we've internalized that crap, we judge both ourselves and other women's looks and compare in order to know where we stand in the 'pecking order'. (Don't even get me started on how race and age play into this equation. I had a crisis when I turned 25 because I was "too old and hence no longer pretty enough" to find love.)

2 hours ago, Butternut said:

I like how you said you just go by what your body will do for you.  I again used to use my sisters as reference, they are string beans, I got meat. Since I've thinned out I still have a wider waist, but I notice I am more shapely then my sisters. And I am proud of that.  So I go with what I have. I like your idea to use a woman around your body shape.

I have the same situation, but with my little brother. We look (and otherwise are) like complete opposites: I'm short-ish/medium-height, fairly big-boned with wide hips (thanks, dad), easily gain weight, pale as a vampire, dark eyes, did well in school but sucked at all sports. My brother is really tall, has always been thin and lean despite eating whatever, naturally blonde and blue-eyed, tans easily, used to compete in sports on national level because he was that talented, but otherwise he's kind of a dumbass (I can say that because he's my brother :P) Genes are weird, man.

I used to hate just about every single thing about my appearance that I inherited, from my body shape to the bump in my nose, and I wished I could swap bodies with someone else and look completely different. It took a lot of time, but now I like most of the same features I used to hate, and would be unlikely to accept a complete body-swap if that was possible, even if the potential swap-partner looked really good, because I want to look like... well, me, and not someone else. (Except if I could swap with, say, Lucy Liu. I would gladly look like Lucy Liu.)

21 hours ago, Cataleya said:

I do judge myself pretty harshly. That's actually gotten less bad as time has gone on?

I had to quote this because I'm like a reverse hypocrite, or something. I mean, I will fight tooth and nail for other women's right to do and look as they choose, and talk about how stupid, unfair and downright impossible the beauty standards are - but when it comes to myself, I hold myself to so many of those BS standards! It's like, rationally I know everything that's bad about them, but at the same time, I know the society still largely operates by those rules, so I still push myself to look flawlessly beautiful and eternally young... no matter how unfair and unrealistic it is.

I know! I'm a bit late, but if anyone still needs ideas, I've got loads. Personally tested, as I cut my hair short and then started growing again, which lead to that annoying stage where it's long enough to bother me, but not long enough to be put in a ponytail (or any kind of semi-decent hairstyle, really).

• Hairbands. The kind that have a silicone line on the inside, so it won't slip off every five seconds. The other kinds are useless.
• Pins. If your hair's longer at the top than sides, you can pin the top part back, maybe twist a bit so it's more secure. You can also do a side part (or not, but imo side part looks better), then take about an inch of hair next to the part, twist it, and continue adding hair as you twist along your hairline to the side. Pin in place behind ear, or whatever spot feels comfortable. Repeat on other side. If you can find pins that curve slightly, they'll feel comfortable and not poke you in the head while you're benching.
• The above with French/Dutch braids, which also looks nice with longer hair. I usually do the twist version simply because I'm lazy.
• Slick your hair back with gel/spray/something. Works better with some type of hair than others, experiment.
• Backcombing may help if you're trying to pull the slick back or something, but your hair keeps parting in the middle, or a strand keeps sticking out.
• HAIRSPRAY. In caps because it's godsent, at least for people like me who have stubbornly slick hair. (Burning it with bleach helped, but I don't recommend it. Do as I say, not as I do.) And I'm talking about good hairspray, from a salon or store that sells the professional brands, not the supermarket stuff. You only need to use a tiny bit each time, so a big bottle (~500ml) will last forever. You can also spray some on bobby pins if they tend to slide off.
• Dry shampoo/hair powders. Helps your hairstyle stay put plus extends the time between washings -> more manageable hair. Hair stylists prefer to work with at least day-old hair, because freshly-washed hair tends to be annoyingly slippery.
• Caps. Generally not my cup of tea because I need the heat ventilation through my scalp, but I've seen some people wear them to the gym. Though I do have a cap that's just the, err, cap-part and a band around the head, so nothing on top. I often wear it for running because of the double function of shade for eyes + keeping hair off my face.

4 hours ago, Butternut said:

Am I sounding crazy, am I the only one that (used too) judges women's bodies or is this normal -- ? 

First of all: it's totally normal. Not to say that it's a good thing, but the fact is, as women we're raised to compete against each other and judge each other, often specifically by looks since it's the Most Important Thing (tm) a woman can have. Not gonna lie, I used to be a very judgmental a**hole, until I realized other women's looks are none of my business, and reminded myself of that every time I noticed I was silently judging someone. As a highly visual person, I still observe people a lot, but from a neutral point of view (bodies can be so different and it's fascinating); rarely I see, say, a really thin girl at the gym with bones sticking out and think "oh, I hope she doesn't have an eating disorder", but I'd say it's honest concern rather than judging.

Comparison, though - I compare myself to other ladies all the time, especially at the gym, where people usually dress in a way that lets you easily see their body composition. Sometimes it's how much more they can bench/squat/deadlift, other times it's for certain body parts or their whole appearance. Like, I often think, "man, she has the perfect arms/legs/shoulders/glutes, wonder what her workout's like". Then there are the women who seem to have a Perfect Body - tall or petite, and muscular yet lean yet hourglass shaped - the kind that if I saw them in a picture, I'd call Photoshop. One of my best friends is, in fact, a target of my constant envy both because of her performance and her looks.

I used to have a lot of issues with body image and I'm still my own worst critic, but I've actually got a lot better. I've gone from hating my body to "I look pretty good, but still have work to do", which I'm fine with rn - I still have spells of dysmorphia and self-hate, but they're short-lived and even during, I know they're BS. Now when I find myself envying other women at the gym, I employ one of two responses: 1) If it's an issue of strength, or really good [body part] THAT I COULD REALISTICALLY HAVE in terms of bone structure, effort required etc., I think of it as a goal. I have a tumblr tag and pinterest board where I add 'body/fitness goals' that I aim to reach one day. And I might compliment the impressive lady, who more often than not turns out to be really nice even though she may look intimidating. 2) If it's something I KNOW I could never have, like it requires a completely different kind of frame, I'll admit I'm jealous, but remind myself that people have different bases to work with, and I'll never have her body. I can, however, have a different but equally awesome body.

Not sure if that's helpful, I kind of just rambled... I guess what helped me most was to learn to realistically assess what's possible for me, personally, with the body that I have, and not the Fantasy Body I Wish I Had. I realize it can be hard if you're used to judging yourself harshly, and thinking you look/do worse than you actually do. So lots of practice, and baby steps. One thing that also helped me was to find pictures of fit women with my body type - a lot of fitness models are taller, narrower (at the hips, for example), and at a lower body fat % than I could ever maintain, and then I saw this picture of Iskra Lawrence and realized that she kinda looks like me, and she looks good.

I'm really unsure where to post this topic, so feel free to move it if I decided on a wrong place.

Anyhow. I'm travelling to the UK soon, and will be staying in a small town/village in Leicestershire for about a month and a half. The thing is, I'm fairly set in my ways of where and what fitness-related stuff I buy in my own country, but in the UK... I have no clue. So, UK nerds, please educate me! I'm mainly looking for online store recs (Amazon and eBay sellers included), but I'll also welcome tips about shops in Leicester, Nuneaton, or somewhere around that general area.

Some things I'm looking for, hopefully in student-budget-friendly price range:

• Supplements, the usual creatine, citrulline, caffeine, etc. Also if you know a pre-workout that tastes good (I'm very partial to lemon and bitter flavors in general) and that you can order without enormous postage, do sharae.
• Protein bars. This is a tough one, since I'm quite picky about the taste and composition, so I need options to try out. I like them soft and not too sweet (many chocolate and berry flavors are sooo sweet). The bars I regularly eat are some combination of chocolate, orange, and lemon (yes, there's a pattern here.) In Finnish Lidls, there's this sport supplement brand called Sportyfeel that has really good and cheap protein bars, do they have that in the UK as well?
• Fitness clothes/shoes/gear, because while I'm bringing my own, let's face it, you can never have too many workout tops. Lifting and running gear mainly, as those are my drugs of choice. Especially if there's a secret Diagon Alley where they sell affordable lifting or running shoes, you need to tell me.
• Non-fitness clothes/shoes. Ok so not fitness-related, but if I wanna head out and buy some affordable summer clothes, which shops do I hit?
• Hair products and cosmetics. Another thing mostly unrelated to fitness, but as I started packing, I realized how many of the brands I usually use are Finnish. Not because I'm particularly patriotic, they just make products here that work for egg white pale skin and fine* hair here. (*Not fine as in 'gorgeous', but fine as in 'if I cut bangs, the size of my ponytail will shrink in half')

Also, while I'm there, if anyone lives in the area and wants to meet, hit me up. And, in case I get lucky: if you happen to live near Gatwick airport and wouldn't mind lending a fellow nerd a couch to crash on next Sunday night, I'd be very grateful. (Stupid flight schedule is stupid - my plane will arrive too late for trains and buses, so it's either couchsurfing or sleeping (not sleeping, in my case) on the airport floor.)

So, finally got an actual diagnosis. I have no idea why the doctor didn't tell me about the actual problem, just the L5 mutation. My physiotherapist broke the news to me on Tuesday.

I have spondylolisthesis. My L4 vertebra has slipped 6 mm forward, which I'm told is not serious since they don't even consider operating on slips under 1 cm; it's not caused by anything I did, rather some small congenital abnormalities and my general crazy joint laxity (my PT's words). Still, I was a little... shocked, to put it lightly. I'd been hoping I had a mild subluxation or a muscle injury or basically anything that could be fixed and then it'd be done with. But spondylolisthesis is forever, it's not gonna slip back to its place (without surgery, obvs). My PT assured me, though, that the pain will pass, and that it might return periodically or never. So I'll always have this... Schroedinger's back pain looming over my head. But she gave me a list of exercises to strengthen my core, which should hold the spine in place in the future, and said I don't have to quit lifting or TKD, just make sure to take a break if/when the pain flares up. She said I'm gonna be fine, and I'm trying to tell myself I'm gonna be fine, it's just... my brain's chronically messed up, but up until now my body's been relatively healthy. It's difficult knowing there's an incurable flaw in my physical self as well.

Anyway, hopefully the pain will ease up soon so I can start getting back to my regular training. It comes and goes, I only had minor back pain today and yesterday, but the day before that I woke up with goddamn stinging sciatica pain in my (literal) butt. But I haven't got the kind of pain or muscle tightness/cramps that's left me crying for a couple of weeks, so yay, progress, I guess?

On another note, I was an idiot and binged on bread for breakfast after 2+ months of strict keto diet. The stomach ache, oh my god, wtf I am not this dumb

On 18.3.2016 at 5:29 PM, karinajean said:

DUDE knowck it off, TOTALLY not behind. you are studying at your own pace! it's cool that you love it though, and you know that you love it. it SUCKS that your back is in your way, that's the pits.   I'm REALLY glad that the pain is letting up.

I know everyone is studying at their own pace etc., but I really haven't stuck to the 'ideal' schedule of progress I would've had if I hadn't had to take breaks or had periods of laziness with too little training. What's really getting to me is that a friend of mine, who started exactly a year after me, is gonna catch up to me, so I feel I'm late and not a respectable taekwon-doka (-in? What's the ending?)

But the thing about loving it? It's like... my relationship with TKD would probably be listed as "its complicated" on Facebook. Back when I started and decided I like the art, I set the goal to reach black belt in a certain timeframe, and I'm gonna do that if nothing drastic intervenes. And I still like it, I never hate it, even though I sometimes hate myself for being so mediocre at it. I know so many people who are so talented at it, they've been BAMFs pretty much since the beginning, and me... I have horrible balance, bad motor control, I'm scared of jumping, I have issues with being hit etc. There have been times when I've been really happy because of TKD, like when I win a medal or really succeed in something, but there have been a lot more times when it's made me cry. Like, if I was dating TKD, my friends would have to stage an intervention  Compared to lifting, which rarely fails to make me happy unless I'm having an exceptionally crappy day. Still, I persevere, because I know that despite all the times it's made me hate myself, I'd hate myself more for quitting. (I guess that's one way of interpreting 'indomitable spirit', eh?)

I'm still here. I've been MIA because this back issue has been eating up a LOT of my time and resources, both mental and physical. I sleep very badly for several nights and then I sleep an entire day to catch up on that debt, so I'm behind on literally everything in my life. I'm also so tired of all the pain and how debilitating it is I honestly have cried multiple times and wanted to jump off some high place because I can't deal with it anymore. Though lately it's been getting better *knocks on wood, crosses fingers* the back pain is almost gone, now my left hip/thigh is the biggest culprit because the muscles are so tight it hurts to use them. Annoyingly seem to be mostly immune to foam rolling and stretching, muscle relaxant meds help somewhat. I got x-rays taken and nothing showed up there (excluding a congenital aberration in my L5 which is likely not behind this), my physiotherapy will finally be next Tuesday so hopefully she can fix me and show me how to prevent this from happening again.

Anyway, goal progression so far:

#1: Kinda-sorta? I've only been able to do strength workouts once or twice a week, and my lower-body training currently... quite painful and almost impossible, because of those tight muscles that make everything hurt. And because the pain shifts from time to time, I was able to do single-leg RDLs one workout without issues, and it destroyed me after the next one, so it's been tough. I have attempted to work through the pain a couple of times, but mostly because I thought using those muscles would loosen them up (it didn't), not so much because of my stubbornness. I have actually worked on core consistently, and for a while I had like, VISIBLE UPPER ABS because the muscles were swollen, which was hilarious because I'm not really anywhere near low enough BF% to have abs. Balance work... I've kinda neglected, but again, not by choice. Right now I'm anxious to get this perma-cramp off my thigh so I can restart training my legs before my butt disappears. (This is a very big concern for me. I have literally texted my co-athlete friends "waaah I can see my butt dropping I need help!")

#2: I've been acing this one. I've been so strict with my carbs and honestly, it hasn't even been hard. Both keto diet and my ADD meds cause loss of hunger for me, so I'm not craving food like I usually do during cutting, it's actually way harder for me to remember to eat. I even stuck to my guns while visiting my mom and uncle, who are the worst influence on my cuts, because my mom is always saying "well you can eat that just this one time" and my uncle will ask about every two hours, "Have you eaten breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack? Do you want me to make [some delicious but extremely sugary dish]?" They were pretty respectful though once I explained that it sounds good but I really can't. AND I've actually lost weight! I'm around 61 kg from the stubborn 63, yesterday I hit 60.8 so I rewarded myself with a McDonald's meal. Also I've lost several cm off my waist but that may be just bloat leaving.

#3: Yeah lol no, I haven't been doing 3 cardio sessions x week. I've done one or two per week, either after my lifting or on separate days, which I've kinda... started to enjoy? I did semi-starved cardio one morning and I was expecting to feel awful like an empty balloon, but I think my body's got the hang of this burning-fat-for-fuel thing. I've always had really bad endurance, and I feel like my body doesn't know how to utilize energy storages on a "normal" diet; it'd run out of glycogen in about half an hour and then just, nothing. I suspect I might be one of those people who just feel generally better on a LCHF diet.

So generally, I've done the best I could under the circumstances, and that should be enough, shouldn't it?

Oh and life goal: two books out of four down and one halfway read! I'm proud of myself for this one. I haven't cleaned up my room yet because my back hasn't let me, but I'm planning to do that as soon as I'm able, because even I can't take this mess anymore. 

Concerning your back and other pains, have you considered trying to work in deadlifts? They're great for getting all sorts of your body into shape, and they really help your core and back. I know some types of back pain are really helped by improving core and back muscle strength. Also, I think they're fun I'm just starting with them, so I don't do a ton of weight yet.

Oh my god, I love deadlifts! I'm a (aspiring) powerlifter, and they may be my best and favorite lift. But alas, I've not felt safe lifting that much weight because of this back issue. Like, I was gonna try some back squats with just the bar a couple weeks ago, but I felt that weight/pressure around my sacrum, which felt very weird and alarming. So DLs are off my list for a little while at least, but I'm very anxious to get back to them asap, because I've also read a lot about their positive effect on your core. I've been reading a ton of Andrew Lock's articles and they make so much sense to me.

hey! what kind of core workouts are you interested in fitting in? and tell me about your tkd, too.

So far I've done a lot of... let's see, straight planks, side planks, different kinds of crunches on ground and exercise ball, heavy-ish cable crunches, leg lifts (for what my lower back allows, which is not a lot), dead bugs, weighted and unweighted hyperextensions, supermans... Basically anything I've been able to. I can't really lift my lower back off the ground because it hurts, so that's limited my options. I have liked exercise ball crunches but (or because) they are brutal. I've always had this problem of, well, not really knowing how to engage or brace my core, but they force me to do that. My physio has told me to go to pilates classes, which I'm on the fence about, because I've heard very conflicting information about their actual usefulness for core strength. My biggest problem is that during squats (and sometimes DLs) my back goes to extreme lordosis, even though it's normal in other situations, which is the exact opposite of most people's problem, so there's not much advice on how to fix it. Basically I have no idea how to make myself keep neutral spine.

My TKD... Well, I've been practicing ITF style TKD for about two and a half years, I'm currently a green belt/6th gup. (I know, I'm so behind...) I intended to take the belt test this spring, but unless a miracle happens, it won't be possible because this ¤% back hasn't let me practice. I'll be so mad if I have to wait till the fall. Plus I really miss it, I was watching a competition last weekend and was just like, "bwaaah I wanna be in that ring!"

It's possible. I had a coworker whose left arm had more muscle than the right one, even though she was right-handed; turns out she always carries her cashbox with her left arm. I've also been told my left thigh seems more muscular than the right one (and also think it might be a little bigger), which I'm blaming on the fact that I tend to use it as my supporting leg when I kick, because I have better aim with the right one.

I'm not here for this challenge and I can hardly train rn because of back issues, but I thought you guys would appreciate this:

I was watching a TKD comp today to cheer for my friends and the members of my society in general. I was looking at another ring so I don't know precisely how it happened, but this guy, a green belt if I recall correctly, was breaking by kick a couple of boards in one of the super sturdy, but also super heavy metal stands they had. Like, needs 2+ people to move it kind of heavy. Suddenly there's this GODAWFUL NOISE, and I see the guy backing away frantically as the entire stand is falling over towards him. Regardless, he pulls the pose the etiquette requires to finish and plays totally cool. Judges are blanking for several seconds before they remember to display the flags.

Guy won gold. Totally deserved it.

(Also saw a black belt somehow lose her balance after breaking her boards, almost fall into and end up on her butt next to the stand. She was laughing her butt off standing up even though she obviously got no points for technique.)

1. Doing absolutely nothing athletic as a kid and teenager and thus not having the body control/awareness people develop growing up active. No matter how much I tell myself to not lean forward when I squat it just keeps happening, it's like the message doesn't travel from my brain to the rest of my body.

2. Having to take breaks due to injuries/surgery/bouts of unusual madness/etc. I feel like all my small, hard-earned gains are going down the drain every time I'm forced to sit on my ass and not lift.

3. Lack of strength compared to the time I've been lifting seriously. I've been at it for too long to be as weak as I am. I don't know if it's the level I started off at, or the breaks I've had to take, or the hypermobility that keeps causing issues, or am I just failing as a person. My friends and acquaintances that are generally non-athletic think I'm She-Hulk, but I feel like such a poser, and hope they don't ask how much weight I can actually lift.

Yo bros and brolettes, I need help. I have a mysterious back issue going on that might be a slipped disc, SI joint or other joint luxation, hip socket weirdness, or something entirely else, I won't know until I see my PT in about two weeks. The point is, most of my usual leg work (BB squats & deadlifts) are out, so I'm at a loss of what to do for lower body training. I'm in the middle of a cut so I don't want to lose my hard-earned leg muscles. Stuff I've tried out so far, behind the cut:

BB back squat: doesn't hurt but I feel this pressure in my lumbar spine/sacrum so probably not a good idea

BB front squat: have never done them previously, and I can't learn the form properly because I'm afraid to go low enough in fear of pain

DB goblet squat: no pain I've registered, I find them much more taxing with a lower weight (15-20 kg) than BB squats, so these might be safe? Or not?

DB split squat: minor discomfort during the set-up process (my balance is crap), but not during the actual squat as long as I don't go very low

KB/DB one-legged RDL: minor twinges of pain during one workout, much more pain during another at an only slightly lower weight, IDK what's happening there

Stiff legged/Romanian DL: no pain or discomfort with light weight (40-ish kg), they feel safe but I'm apprehensive because every back injury rehab guide says NO DEADLIFTING

Hack squat: doesn't hurt in one machine but does hurt in another - I like it because it resembles "real" squats more than leg press

Leg press: doesn't hurt but I've heard it can still screw up your back (even though I'm not going super heavy, and am careful not to let my back or butt round)

One-leg leg press: same thing, I do get pain at a 45-degree angle (in the hip I'm leaning on) so I only do them straight

Weighted hyperextension: doesn't hurt, I actually use these to lessen the pain, but I have a feeling these are either really good or really bad for my back

BB hip thrust/bridge: doesn't hurt, but I'm afraid all that hip hinging is stealthily having an adverse effect

Cable/machine/any abduction/adduction/kickback: hurts like a b¤#&h. Basically I can't do any abduction, even stepping sideways, because it hurts.

Leg extension/curl machine: doesn't hurt my back or hips but hurts my knee joints (unrelated to this injury, it's always been like that)

BW squats (one or both legs): I can kinda do them, but often the one-leg variations start hurting in the "bad" hip. Two-legged feels okay, but since I can't jump, I can't do box squats etc. to get enough intensity. 

HIIT on elliptical: not strength training, but I'm just mentioning I've been doing that a couple times a week. Feels a little iffy in the sciatic nerve post-workout, but that subsides pretty quickly.

Anyone have experience with lifting with a back injury, or just knowledge of what exercises are safe? I've been researching like crazy, but every source contradicts some other. 

The thing is, all side effects are potential, so weight gain MIGHT happen. Or it might not. You won't really know until you try it. And even then, if the cause is increased appetite, you can track your food intake for a while and see if you've started overeating.

I have chronic depression (or persistent depressive disorder, according to DSM-5) and anxiety (and ADD), and the medication I take for them has weight gain as a side effect. I did manage to lose weight while I'm on it, though it was quite slow, so maybe the med had an effect, I'll likely never know. But I do know that if I don't take it, I'll wake up every morning wishing I had an off-button and cry at the thought of having to go to the grocery store. So yeah, I'll rather take the Schrödinger's Metabolic Effect than try to live with my unmedicated jerkbrain.

O hai, another lady with ADHD! It's good to hear from others with overdrive brain.

I know the meds act as an appetite suppressor, but I found it hard to attribute a pound per day weight loss to just that. I'm hoping for a BMR raise because I feel like mine's generally really sluggish. (I also have mysterious fatigue issues, which might or might not be related.) And I am in LOVE with my medication right now because it makes me feel so much better, so much... sharper? Like, when you have bad eyesight and everything's just fuzzy without glasses, these meds are like glasses for my brain. I'm less tired throughout the day, less anxious and neurotic, more focused and in control, even more articulate. I still have Wandering Thought Syndrome when I'm reading course books, though they are very boring, and I can redirect my attention more quickly now. The only downside is, I hate how I am on off-days, or when the med wears off, now that I know how much better I can be.

Anyhow - I still have almost total appetite suppression, which I only view as a positive thing. I hate feeling hungry, and I used to snack out of bad habits and boredom rather than actual need. Now I just have to learn to remember to eat, tracking all my food helps though.

My weight's creeped down towards 62 kg for an entire week, this morning it was 62.0. I'm hoping it'll continue to drop. It might have something to do with the fact that I've had some very low-calorie days - like around or below 1000 - because I've forgotten to eat, or I've slept off my sleeping debts most of the day. Or the low-carb diet. Whatever it is, I'm continuing on keto, my calorie limit is still 1600-1700 but I might end up eating less. So many people claim that macros don't matter, only calories do, but I've noticed my body seems to respond better to lack of carbs. I don't get that lack of energy either that some people report, quite the opposite; I ended up doing about an hour of almost-fasted cardio today and I felt better than normally.

Oh my god, those shrimp squats... Put a barbell on my back and I can squat my own weight, but I fail so hard at one-legged squats because a) my back doesn't let me squat like I normally can b ) and it's wrecked havoc on my stability c) balance, what balance??

Whew, I got sorted here. For a moment there I was afraid they'd put me to Light Side just to mess with me.

Today's workout, with commentary:

DB Split Squats (Why are these so hard?? I can barbell squat a fair amount of weight, yet I'm struggling with teeny dumbbells with these. Also, it's really hard for me to find a semi-comfortable stance.)

Barbell Bench Press (You would think powerlifting-style benching would hurt my back but no, it feels totally fine. Thank dog, I can keep one powerlift in my routine.)

Kettlebell One Legged RDLs (My balance is so crap oh my god I can't even. Otherwise I love these, and they don't hurt.)

Hack Squats (Surprisingly harder than leg press, but feels more like real squats so that's nice.)

Underhand Pulldowns

DB Flies (The hardest part is trying to sit back up.)

DB Lateral Raises

Cable Crunches (For some reason this feels really nice for my back.)

Seated Calf Raises

DB Triceps Extensions

Some more variations of crunches

I tried to do front squats, but I'm afraid to go low enough because of my back, so I did hack squats instead. Also they hurt my shoulders so much all my focus is going there. So front squats are also out for the time being. I was also gonna do cable abductions, adductions and kickbacks, but all those hurt so I noped out of them. I basically can't do any weighted abductions or adductions, and my glute work is also limited. I usually do fairly heavy barbell hip thrusts or bridges, but even though they don't cause me pain, I'm afraid all that hip hinging is gonna put more pressure on my hip and lumbar spine. I had some sharp sciatica pain after my workout, I'm guessing because of those cable exercises I tried and the weights in general, but it's starting to subside so I'm crossing my fingers. Gonna sleep with an ice pack anyway. I noticed the stabilizer muscles of my left leg have suffered from this issue (the problem, or at least the pain is mainly on that side), usually it's my better balancing leg but now I was struggling more with it than the right one.

On a positive note, I did the RDLs with this adorably pink kettlebell:

I need to sub, I have both keto and adulting goals too. (I'm always so glad to find other people with adulting goals, makes me feel less like I'm hopeless )

As a chronic dog fever sufferer, I gotta ask, what kind of dogs do you have, and do you have pics?

Okay, thanks for clearing that up. Now I need to find out which side I'm put on so I can start doing that stuff.

Ooh, another TKD practitioner! Do you do WTF or ITF, or something entirely else? And what belt level are you at?

I can relate with the headspace crap. Like Nym said, all the fitness stuff that used to be super hard at the beginning becomes the new norm, and after a while, it feels like you're doing nothing, even if you're doing more than most people. And if you for one reason or another can't do all your routine stuff for a while, it feels like a major failure, but it's not. Learning to be merciful towards yourself can be really hard.

So, uh, hi. I'm a warrior/monk, but I decided to wander over here for this challenge. I have a weird lumbar back/hip issue that might be just temporary muscle tightness or some horrible thing that'll never heal (I was told to just basically wait and watch it until I see my physiotherapist on 22nd, very exciting), which has forced me to alter my workouts. So I'm saying goodbye to my heavy barbell lifts for a few weeks and doing more work with kettlebells, bodyweight, and other stuff I'm really not good at, as it turns out.

Fitness goals:

#1: No Pain, No Still Gains

I'm used to doing high intensity stuff, nothing else feels like a proper workout to me. And I'm guilty of exercising despite pain as long as I'm technically capable of it. But I need to learn not to do that, because I don't want to mess my back up any more. So the rules are: 1) No barbell squats (light front squats are okay as long as they don't hurt, I'm trying to learn the form). Substitute with goblet squats, split squats, lunges. 2) No barbell deadlifts. Substitute with one-legged dumbbell/kettlebell DLs. 3) Do core work every workout. I've neglected it in the past because I don't like it, but it's really important to both my lifting and taekwon-do. 4) Work on balance at least 2x week, just because mine sucks. 5) Generally listen to my body, and if something hurts, DON'T DO IT. You wouldn't believe how hard this is for me to get through my thick skull.

#2: Cut Carbs

I'm trying to decrease my body fat, which has been going absolutely nowhere for the past month and a half for reasons beyond my comprehension. For the next four weeks, I'll stick to a low-carb, high(er) fat diet to see if I can get some ketosis going on and melting off some of this annoying fluff. My current carb allowance on MFP is 40-50 grams per day, but I might adjust it along the way. A little more is allowed on lifting days, but even then I'll try to stick mostly to vegetables and the occasional orange juice. (I know that's liquid fructose but it's sooo good.)

#3: Cardio

Except for running outside, I hate most cardio. I usually get my cardio from TKD, but now I can't always attend the classes due to this back issue, and even when I can, I can't do most of the stuff that develops endurance. So in order to keep my endurance from going worse than it already is, I need to do at least 3x 20-30 minute HIIT sessions per week. Mostly on the elliptical since that's the safest option right now, since it's the most low impact for my hips and back.

Life goal:

Get Your ST Together

I got recently diagnosed with ADD and meds to help deal with it, so I should finally be able to get my s&¤t together Like An Adult. So, during this challenge, I'll read the three remaining (terribly boring) literary studies books for a course, and book and ace that exam like a pro. I'll also read at least one novel I need to read for another lit course, and do one of the essays that's been late since about forever. I'll clean up the chaos that used to be my room and KEEP it clean. And pay my bills on time, which I've been dreadful at because my brain's like a sieve.

Shouldn't be too hard. *sweats nervously*

Omg, a Star Wars challenge! I chose the right time to wander over here. Now I'm only wishing I'd done it a month sooner.

Just to make sure, we can gather the lightsaber components until March 11th? Feeling a little panicky because there's so much to do and so little time left.

Do share if you figure this thing out, because I'm having basically the same problem. Long story short, I dropped from 67 kg to 59-ish over summer, then bulked carefully for a few months to 62-63, all was fine. Now I've been trying to cut since mid-January, but my weight's not moving at all. I've been on a 500-600 calorie deficit, and nothing's changed, not even my measurements. The thing is, I know my maintenance is around 1900-2000 cals, so according to all laws and logic, I should be losing fat with 1400 cal/day with 80-90% clean diet, right? I'm 164 cm tall, so I was never really overweight, but there's still too much fat covering my hard-earned muscle. What makes it more frustrating is that I lift heavy, and want to get more strength and muscle, but I can't do that until my BF% has gone down.

I don't know what's going on. I recently decided to go on LCHF (low carb, high fat), hoping it'll make my fat deposits start disappearing. Some people also say it should spare muscle mass, which I need especially now that I can't exercise normally due to a weird issue. I'm also trying to kick myself to do even 20-30 cardio a few times a week, on elliptical since it's the only thing I can do without pain. I hate cardio. I want to scream too, because it's like, there are all these people dropping dozens if not hundreds of pounds, and I can't get rid of measly ten lbs.

You're welcome I was surprised by how much text that ended up being, guess I've gathered a lot of knowledge along the way. (I'm seriously considering getting PT certification at some point in my life, could as well put all that to use...) Another thing I learned is that hypermobility is not only more common in women, but also hereditary - I talked to my mom, and she said she's been like that too. No wonder she didn't say anything when I used to roll around with my both ankles behind my neck as a kid...

I need to ask my PT or GP about the hip testing, she used to rotate my legs once but didn't tell me what she was testing. I have this weird pain going on in my lower back/left hip region, which I've googled like crazy, and I'm afraid I have hip dysplasia or some other kind of malformity there. My left leg is shorter than the right one, so that's not helping. Or I might have a herniated disc, or some other slip going on in the lumbar region. I'm not sure what I did to cause it, but my bet's on form problems in squat/DL and lifting too heavy too fast after a break. (The knee I sprained, by the way, I can't actually blame on hypermobility; I was doing a jump side kick and my kicking leg got caught on the pad, so that screwed up my landing, and I saw my knee dislocate for a second. The most painful and scary injury I've had so far, but luckily it healed, thanks to heavy squats.)

It's not really shameful to have weak spots, most if not all people have them. The body is an ingenious and stupid thing simultaneously because it will learn to compensate for virtually anything, which means you won't notice until it'll cause problems. At least you know where yours are now, and can work on them. Besides, I've come to the conclusion that knees are like the Achilles heel of the human body, because everybody seems have problems with them at some point. But I gotta ask, what do you do for a living? Because carrying around huge buckets of dirt either sounds like farm/stable work or gardening, and now I'm curious. And btw, I thought about your ankle inflexibility problems, and one thing you can try is just lift your ankle on your thigh and roll your foot with your hands whenever you're sitting down. I do that for warm-up, sometimes literally because my feet get really cold and stiff.

By the way, do anyone else's joints make ridiculous amount of noise? My shoulders can sound like somebody's eating nuts in there, and my hips have started clicking too. My PT said those noises aren't dangerous by themselves, but I'm wondering if they're related to this.

ME! So glad you made this topic. I basically have hypermobility syndrome, I pass 4-6 points of the test (my elbows are crazy, then it's the knees, left pinkie, and both thumbs [though I try to leave the fingers alone]). According to my physiotherapist, my shoulders are hypermobile too, and I suspect my general joint laxity is the culprit behind many seemingly random problems I've had. kheret, how did they test your hips? I've got some weird hip issues going on...

When I first talked to my physio about this, she had one big and good advice: strength training, strength training and more strength training. When muscles get bigger and stronger, they stabilize and protect the joint. I used to have knee pain when I first jumped into the fitness wagon after lifetime of couch potato-ness, and barbell squats fixed it. Same after I got a nasty ligament/tendon sprain in one knee. They're still not as stable as I'd like them to be, but they're loads better, and I no longer get knee pain from exercise. I personally love heavy weights, but bodyweight works too, as long as it's actually challenging your muscles.

I've gathered tidbits of advice from professionals, internet. and using myself as a guinea pig personal experience, so I'm gonna list some here in case they'll help other overly bendy athletes. (Disclaimer: I am not a medical or fitness professional, these are things that have worked for me.)

• When strength training, use a combination of high weight/low reps and lower weight/high reps. Not for the same exercises, they serve a different purpose. For example, when I do overhead presses for shoulder strength, I generally do 3 sets of 5-6 reps with as heavy weight as I can manage, but when I do exercises for rotator cuffs and back deltoids (both of which are tiny muscles), I do 8-10 reps with a much lower weight. Basically heavy weight x low reps for big muscles, low weight x high reps for small ones (or isolation).  
• Don't do stuff that hurts. Which sounds obvious, but I'm still trying to get it into my thick skull. Chances are, when you're hypermobile, that there are some exercises that you can't do yet, or ever, thanks to your wonky joints. Or you might have to start with a much lower weight than what the muscle could handle, because the connective tissues (I'm gonna abbreviate that to CT), used to bending too much to the wrong direction, are not as strong. Barbell rows are an excellent lift, I'm sure, but I cannot perform them without some sort of elbow and/or wrist pain. I do one-arm dumbbell rows instead. I also had to start bicep curls with a ridiculously small weight. Find the exercises that work for you, there are variations to all the major lifts/moves, and if you're not a pro bodybuilder, it really doesn't matter that wide pulldowns hit a bit different spot of the lats slightly more than chin pulldowns. The required change might also be really small, like turning your wrist or widening your stance two inches. Experiment.
• Speaking of those small muscles and CTs, warm-up is sometimes really important. Okay, you should always warm up but I'm probably not the only one that's lazy. What I mean is, when your joints are overly bendy, if your muscles are still really tight, your flexion comes all from the CTs, which tends to hurt at best and might injure you at worst. Like, before I do those bicep curls, I bang a set with 50-60% of the weight I'm gonna use, just to tell my muscles and tendons hey, wake up, something's gonna happen soon. You'll find which parts of your body require this additional waking up.
• Rehab: not just for addicts. Well, I guess in this case, it's for fitness addicts. In this case, I refer to any exercises done to strengthen those tiny stabilizing muscles and CTs as rehab. You'll discover which joints require them, usually because they start hurting. For me, it's regularly the shoulders, which is why I do that rotator cuff stuff about every workout until the pain disappears, and then (semi-)weekly after.
• Watch your form, especially when you're doing heavy lifts/moves. Because of the aforementioned issue where your joints will bend even if you've jumped straight out of the fridge, it's also quite easy to perform exercises with bad form because you can, and might not even feel it at the time. I'm still working on my squat form after 2+ years. It's totally okay, and even recommended, to stare at yourself on those mirrors they line the gym walls with, that's why they're there. (Not just a heavy load issue, btw; a bad tree stance in yoga can f*** you up.)
• To train stability, some kind of moves work better than others. Split/one-legged squats work those small stability muscles more than normal squats; one-legged RDLs beat regular barbell deadlifts; dumbbells are harder than barbell. Generally, one-legged > both legs, dumbbells > barbell, unstable platform/even weight load > stable platform/uneven weight load. (Machines with a fixed trajectory should generally be avoided because they don't train these small stability muscles.) I deadlift more than my own weight, but I recently started doing reaching single leg RDLs (just bodyweight) and man, those are hard. The advantage of training one leg or arm at a time is also that you'll notice if you have any discrepancies between the sides. Plus your balance improves (mine is crap, might be related?)
• Some exercises for stabilizing specific joints: Ankles/knees/hips: split/single leg/pistol squat, single leg RDL, lunges in general (bodyweight or free weight, no Smith machine or anything you can hold on to for balance), two- or one-legged hip bridges, cable abduction/adduction, hopping on one foot (or washing your teeth while standing on one foot. Seriously.) Back/hips/core: (weighted) hyperextension, farmer's walk with uneven weight, single leg deadlifts (and normal deadlifts help back strength in general), crunches/situps on stability ball. Shoulders: rotator cuff exercises, chest and upper back work in general, rear and mid deltoid exercises since the front delt tends to get the most stimulation from overhead presses. Elbows: bicep curls and tricep extensions with dumbbells. Wrists: basically anything where you have to hold or put weight on your wrists helps, grippers/squeezing balls do too.
• This might be just me, but I find my core stability and strength lacking, which impacts pretty much everything else. So, work on that. My physio always badgers me to go to pilates classes, so that might be an option for you yoga fans?
• Stretch in moderation, and the right places. My physio told me to stretch only for a short period of time per muscle after workout, not the normally recommended 20-30 seconds. For warm-up stretches, dynamic stretches are better than stationary. And pay attention when you do, so that the stretch hits the muscle and not the joint that's already too flexible. Foam rolling is a good option or addition to many stretches; I personally find it near impossible to stretch my calves without stretching the back of my knee, so I foam roll them instead to avoid waking up with painfully hard calves. On a related matter, while I have near zero personal experience with yoga, I have recently read from multiple sources that you can do yoga when you're hypermobile, you just need to mind your form, and make sure you're not over-extending from your joints; holding a pose is often enough (and better) than trying to reach a liiitle further because your joints allow it. But you should still strength train, at least for rehab stuff.

Wow, this turned out longer than I expected. Hopefully you'll find something useful in my adventures with wonky joints

Well, you could start by taking a deep breath.  It's only body mass, and it isn't that much of it.  What's a couple kilos here and there?  I have fluctuations like that every month, and I bet you do, too.  Your new medication is probably making you feel histrionic.  Try to relax.  The world is not coming to an end.  Be proud of what you've achieved so far.

 

25% bf is not bad for a healthy female.  It's not going to win you any swimsuit contests, but it's fine for normal human beings.   (If you are indeed sure that is your bf%; you said you "estimated" it, which suggests eyeballing.  You might get out a tape measure and actually take some numbers of waist/hip, bust, arms, etc.  Bathroom scales will NOT measure bf% accurately, so don't listen to what your scale thinks.)

 

If you want it lower, fine, but it may take more than a month of effort to see new changes.  Particularly when half of that month was "semi break from training."  You lose weight slower when you're thinner, because you have less to lose, it is a law of nature.

 

It might be that you actually need to eat more, even on days when you're not lifting.  I mean, rest days are when you rebuild your tissue, and you want muscle, right?  But I'm not an expert in the bulk/cut stuff so someone who knows more about it should chime in, I guess.

Actually the new meds are making me less of an anxious ball of worry - that's the magic of stimulants on an already over-stimulated mind. (Btw, you probably meant 'hysteric'? I googled 'histrionic' and that means... something else. )

I know 25% BF is not bad for normal female human beings, but it's bad for me. I want to actually LOOK like I lift, which isn't happening now because there's just too much fat in certain places so my hard-earned (albeit still modest) muscles aren't visible. And yeah, it's a visual estimation based on those BF% charts with pictures floating around the internet. All the tape measurement based calculators I've found give me a ridiculously high BF%, like... about 30, and I look way closer to 25 than 30. (I also read that the electric current that scales use only pass through the legs, which might explain the higher reading because I carry like 85% of my fat in my legs and butt.) So, because I need to lose fat, I can't eat the amount of calories it would take to build more muscle before I've got rid of that fat.

CICO calculators are not exact. They are an estimate of the average. They likely worked a little better before because you had more weight and bodyfat to play with and the number was low enough for the cut. 

 

If you're not seeing results at all start cutting 100 calories from your total every 10 days to two weeks. Eventually you'll find where you can cut efficiently while making sure you're eating enough for performance and continuing your cut. 

I know they're not exact, but it still stands that my maintenance can't be 1400 cals/day. And it's not like I have much leeway to cut from there without going to a really unhealthy number and/or nuts. It's like no matter how much or how little I eat, my weight and fat stores won't budge; it might increase slowly when I'm on a bulk, but I can eat at maintenance or -500 calories from that and it's not decreasing, which is just illogical, it's not like it can only work one way, right?

I took new measurements, and I've lost... one centimeter at the waist. Whee. (Which is probably just less bloat.) Also noticed my left arm has more fat than the right one, don't know what's up with that. Since 1400 calories wasn't doing anything, the current game plan is to a) up to 1600/1700 cal/day and see if I could sneakily shed weight little by little, as I've accidentally done in the past go on LCHF again, it's worked for me in the past, plus it should spare more muscle mass since I can't exercise with my normal routines or intensity (same weird issue continues) c) add a few 20-30 min cardio sessions/week, post-workout, pre-breakfast, or whenever I manage to drag myself to the gym to use the elliptical since it's about the only cardio I can pretty safely do. (No, I can't walk, walking hurts. Or stand up, or roll around in bed, or bow to pick something off the floor... I can do squats, even with weights, but I can't walk.) If anyone has any more input/advice/anything, I'd be grateful.