Polaris

Do share if you figure this thing out, because I'm having basically the same problem. Long story short, I dropped from 67 kg to 59-ish over summer, then bulked carefully for a few months to 62-63, all was fine. Now I've been trying to cut since mid-January, but my weight's not moving at all. I've been on a 500-600 calorie deficit, and nothing's changed, not even my measurements. The thing is, I know my maintenance is around 1900-2000 cals, so according to all laws and logic, I should be losing fat with 1400 cal/day with 80-90% clean diet, right? I'm 164 cm tall, so I was never really overweight, but there's still too much fat covering my hard-earned muscle. What makes it more frustrating is that I lift heavy, and want to get more strength and muscle, but I can't do that until my BF% has gone down. I don't know what's going on. I recently decided to go on LCHF (low carb, high fat), hoping it'll make my fat deposits start disappearing. Some people also say it should spare muscle mass, which I need especially now that I can't exercise normally due to a weird issue. I'm also trying to kick myself to do even 20-30 cardio a few times a week, on elliptical since it's the only thing I can do without pain. I hate cardio. I want to scream too, because it's like, there are all these people dropping dozens if not hundreds of pounds, and I can't get rid of measly ten lbs.

You're welcome I was surprised by how much text that ended up being, guess I've gathered a lot of knowledge along the way. (I'm seriously considering getting PT certification at some point in my life, could as well put all that to use...) Another thing I learned is that hypermobility is not only more common in women, but also hereditary - I talked to my mom, and she said she's been like that too. No wonder she didn't say anything when I used to roll around with my both ankles behind my neck as a kid... I need to ask my PT or GP about the hip testing, she used to rotate my legs once but didn't tell me what she was testing. I have this weird pain going on in my lower back/left hip region, which I've googled like crazy, and I'm afraid I have hip dysplasia or some other kind of malformity there. My left leg is shorter than the right one, so that's not helping. Or I might have a herniated disc, or some other slip going on in the lumbar region. I'm not sure what I did to cause it, but my bet's on form problems in squat/DL and lifting too heavy too fast after a break. (The knee I sprained, by the way, I can't actually blame on hypermobility; I was doing a jump side kick and my kicking leg got caught on the pad, so that screwed up my landing, and I saw my knee dislocate for a second. The most painful and scary injury I've had so far, but luckily it healed, thanks to heavy squats.) It's not really shameful to have weak spots, most if not all people have them. The body is an ingenious and stupid thing simultaneously because it will learn to compensate for virtually anything, which means you won't notice until it'll cause problems. At least you know where yours are now, and can work on them. Besides, I've come to the conclusion that knees are like the Achilles heel of the human body, because everybody seems have problems with them at some point. But I gotta ask, what do you do for a living? Because carrying around huge buckets of dirt either sounds like farm/stable work or gardening, and now I'm curious. And btw, I thought about your ankle inflexibility problems, and one thing you can try is just lift your ankle on your thigh and roll your foot with your hands whenever you're sitting down. I do that for warm-up, sometimes literally because my feet get really cold and stiff. By the way, do anyone else's joints make ridiculous amount of noise? My shoulders can sound like somebody's eating nuts in there, and my hips have started clicking too. My PT said those noises aren't dangerous by themselves, but I'm wondering if they're related to this.

ME! So glad you made this topic. I basically have hypermobility syndrome, I pass 4-6 points of the test (my elbows are crazy, then it's the knees, left pinkie, and both thumbs [though I try to leave the fingers alone]). According to my physiotherapist, my shoulders are hypermobile too, and I suspect my general joint laxity is the culprit behind many seemingly random problems I've had. kheret, how did they test your hips? I've got some weird hip issues going on... When I first talked to my physio about this, she had one big and good advice: strength training, strength training and more strength training. When muscles get bigger and stronger, they stabilize and protect the joint. I used to have knee pain when I first jumped into the fitness wagon after lifetime of couch potato-ness, and barbell squats fixed it. Same after I got a nasty ligament/tendon sprain in one knee. They're still not as stable as I'd like them to be, but they're loads better, and I no longer get knee pain from exercise. I personally love heavy weights, but bodyweight works too, as long as it's actually challenging your muscles. I've gathered tidbits of advice from professionals, internet. and using myself as a guinea pig personal experience, so I'm gonna list some here in case they'll help other overly bendy athletes. (Disclaimer: I am not a medical or fitness professional, these are things that have worked for me.) When strength training, use a combination of high weight/low reps and lower weight/high reps. Not for the same exercises, they serve a different purpose. For example, when I do overhead presses for shoulder strength, I generally do 3 sets of 5-6 reps with as heavy weight as I can manage, but when I do exercises for rotator cuffs and back deltoids (both of which are tiny muscles), I do 8-10 reps with a much lower weight. Basically heavy weight x low reps for big muscles, low weight x high reps for small ones (or isolation). Don't do stuff that hurts. Which sounds obvious, but I'm still trying to get it into my thick skull. Chances are, when you're hypermobile, that there are some exercises that you can't do yet, or ever, thanks to your wonky joints. Or you might have to start with a much lower weight than what the muscle could handle, because the connective tissues (I'm gonna abbreviate that to CT), used to bending too much to the wrong direction, are not as strong. Barbell rows are an excellent lift, I'm sure, but I cannot perform them without some sort of elbow and/or wrist pain. I do one-arm dumbbell rows instead. I also had to start bicep curls with a ridiculously small weight. Find the exercises that work for you, there are variations to all the major lifts/moves, and if you're not a pro bodybuilder, it really doesn't matter that wide pulldowns hit a bit different spot of the lats slightly more than chin pulldowns. The required change might also be really small, like turning your wrist or widening your stance two inches. Experiment.Speaking of those small muscles and CTs, warm-up is sometimes really important. Okay, you should always warm up but I'm probably not the only one that's lazy. What I mean is, when your joints are overly bendy, if your muscles are still really tight, your flexion comes all from the CTs, which tends to hurt at best and might injure you at worst. Like, before I do those bicep curls, I bang a set with 50-60% of the weight I'm gonna use, just to tell my muscles and tendons hey, wake up, something's gonna happen soon. You'll find which parts of your body require this additional waking up.Rehab: not just for addicts. Well, I guess in this case, it's for fitness addicts. In this case, I refer to any exercises done to strengthen those tiny stabilizing muscles and CTs as rehab. You'll discover which joints require them, usually because they start hurting. For me, it's regularly the shoulders, which is why I do that rotator cuff stuff about every workout until the pain disappears, and then (semi-)weekly after.Watch your form, especially when you're doing heavy lifts/moves. Because of the aforementioned issue where your joints will bend even if you've jumped straight out of the fridge, it's also quite easy to perform exercises with bad form because you can, and might not even feel it at the time. I'm still working on my squat form after 2+ years. It's totally okay, and even recommended, to stare at yourself on those mirrors they line the gym walls with, that's why they're there. (Not just a heavy load issue, btw; a bad tree stance in yoga can f*** you up.)To train stability, some kind of moves work better than others. Split/one-legged squats work those small stability muscles more than normal squats; one-legged RDLs beat regular barbell deadlifts; dumbbells are harder than barbell. Generally, one-legged > both legs, dumbbells > barbell, unstable platform/even weight load > stable platform/uneven weight load. (Machines with a fixed trajectory should generally be avoided because they don't train these small stability muscles.) I deadlift more than my own weight, but I recently started doing reaching single leg RDLs (just bodyweight) and man, those are hard. The advantage of training one leg or arm at a time is also that you'll notice if you have any discrepancies between the sides. Plus your balance improves (mine is crap, might be related?)Some exercises for stabilizing specific joints: Ankles/knees/hips: split/single leg/pistol squat, single leg RDL, lunges in general (bodyweight or free weight, no Smith machine or anything you can hold on to for balance), two- or one-legged hip bridges, cable abduction/adduction, hopping on one foot (or washing your teeth while standing on one foot. Seriously.) Back/hips/core: (weighted) hyperextension, farmer's walk with uneven weight, single leg deadlifts (and normal deadlifts help back strength in general), crunches/situps on stability ball. Shoulders: rotator cuff exercises, chest and upper back work in general, rear and mid deltoid exercises since the front delt tends to get the most stimulation from overhead presses. Elbows: bicep curls and tricep extensions with dumbbells. Wrists: basically anything where you have to hold or put weight on your wrists helps, grippers/squeezing balls do too.This might be just me, but I find my core stability and strength lacking, which impacts pretty much everything else. So, work on that. My physio always badgers me to go to pilates classes, so that might be an option for you yoga fans?Stretch in moderation, and the right places. My physio told me to stretch only for a short period of time per muscle after workout, not the normally recommended 20-30 seconds. For warm-up stretches, dynamic stretches are better than stationary. And pay attention when you do, so that the stretch hits the muscle and not the joint that's already too flexible. Foam rolling is a good option or addition to many stretches; I personally find it near impossible to stretch my calves without stretching the back of my knee, so I foam roll them instead to avoid waking up with painfully hard calves. On a related matter, while I have near zero personal experience with yoga, I have recently read from multiple sources that you can do yoga when you're hypermobile, you just need to mind your form, and make sure you're not over-extending from your joints; holding a pose is often enough (and better) than trying to reach a liiitle further because your joints allow it. But you should still strength train, at least for rehab stuff.Wow, this turned out longer than I expected. Hopefully you'll find something useful in my adventures with wonky joints

Actually the new meds are making me less of an anxious ball of worry - that's the magic of stimulants on an already over-stimulated mind. (Btw, you probably meant 'hysteric'? I googled 'histrionic' and that means... something else. ) I know 25% BF is not bad for normal female human beings, but it's bad for me. I want to actually LOOK like I lift, which isn't happening now because there's just too much fat in certain places so my hard-earned (albeit still modest) muscles aren't visible. And yeah, it's a visual estimation based on those BF% charts with pictures floating around the internet. All the tape measurement based calculators I've found give me a ridiculously high BF%, like... about 30, and I look way closer to 25 than 30. (I also read that the electric current that scales use only pass through the legs, which might explain the higher reading because I carry like 85% of my fat in my legs and butt.) So, because I need to lose fat, I can't eat the amount of calories it would take to build more muscle before I've got rid of that fat. I know they're not exact, but it still stands that my maintenance can't be 1400 cals/day. And it's not like I have much leeway to cut from there without going to a really unhealthy number and/or nuts. It's like no matter how much or how little I eat, my weight and fat stores won't budge; it might increase slowly when I'm on a bulk, but I can eat at maintenance or -500 calories from that and it's not decreasing, which is just illogical, it's not like it can only work one way, right? I took new measurements, and I've lost... one centimeter at the waist. Whee. (Which is probably just less bloat.) Also noticed my left arm has more fat than the right one, don't know what's up with that. Since 1400 calories wasn't doing anything, the current game plan is to a) up to 1600/1700 cal/day and see if I could sneakily shed weight little by little, as I've accidentally done in the past go on LCHF again, it's worked for me in the past, plus it should spare more muscle mass since I can't exercise with my normal routines or intensity (same weird issue continues) c) add a few 20-30 min cardio sessions/week, post-workout, pre-breakfast, or whenever I manage to drag myself to the gym to use the elliptical since it's about the only cardio I can pretty safely do. (No, I can't walk, walking hurts. Or stand up, or roll around in bed, or bow to pick something off the floor... I can do squats, even with weights, but I can't walk.) If anyone has any more input/advice/anything, I'd be grateful.

Long time no post, but the short version is: I dropped from 67 kg to 59 over the summer, carefully bulked to 62, maintained over the holidays consistently at 62-63 kg. I was planning to cut to 57 from end of January to mid-March so I could bulk a bit before the summer, but I've had to say bye-bye to that plan because nothing is happening. If anything, my weight is increasing - this morning I weighed 64, and almost fainted and/or cried because I can't recall the last time I weighed that much. I don't understand. I've been told time and time again that CICO works, and it did work for me in the past, though slower than it should have. This time, nothing. According to both IIFYM calculator and my math, my TDEE is around 2000, with 2-3 times lifting and 2 cardio (taekwon-do) per week. I set my daily calories to 1500, made sure I get around/close to 1 gr protein per lbs of body weight, waited. Waited some more, knowing my body was slow to realize what's up. A month. Nothing. At some point I tweaked my macros to more fat and less carbs (except on lifting days), which didn't help, even though I was in ketosis (I knew by the 'oh my god I need caaaarbs' zombie state by day two). And I mean, I didn't even get the initial drop of water weight that usually happens at the start of any diet. Recently (about two weeks ago) I switched to a model where I eat sliiightly over maintenance (2100 cals) on lifting days but am at 1400 cals on other days, thinking maybe my metabolism got somehow stuck because of the constant deficit (which shouldn't happen anyway). I'm lost, I don't know what the hap is f*ckening. I've done this before, so I know the drill - no unlogged snacking or 'accidental' calories from drinks etc., no underestimating the amount of food I eat (I make most of my meals so I know what and how much is in it, and the occasional lunch I eat at uni still has the calories and macros listed and I've got pretty good at guesstimating the amount), nothing like that. There have been days when I've eaten whatever and haven't logged, but that's been about once per three weeks and I don't eat an entire cow even then. I just got a bunch of blood tests taken and the doctor said my thyroid etc. are fine; I'm not on any new medication (aka, that I wasn't on during my marathon cut on summer) that cause weight gain. I did start ADD meds this week*, and while many people with the med say it's made them lose weight, sometimes crazy amounts (like, one pound per day), that hasn't helped me either. (*for actual ADD, I don't take regulated stimulants for weight loss. I'm desperate but not stupid.) And, for added weirdness, I'm just returning from a two-week semi training break due to weird back issue, where I trained only once a week, so my weight should've increased, right? Nope, still same. Does anyone have any idea what is going on? My maintenance can't be 1400 cals/day, that's almost my BMR. I haven't lost inches either, I take measurements. But I really need to cut fat before I can build more muscle, my BF% is 25(my own estimation)-26.9(my scale), that's way too high and I hate all this fluff around my body. I eat about 75% clean (paleo + dairy), my "sins" consist mostly of rice porridge with milk, chocolate and Sodastream light soda.

Ooh, me, me! I have a goal to do one proper pull-up before New Year, so this is perfect. So currently I'm at 0 Though I'll likely not be following that program, because my gym just acquired an assisted pull-up machine and I'm utterly in love with it. I need to do this, regardless of whether it'll help my pull-ups or not, because I tense my shoulders all. The. Time. Once I developed a huge knot in my back when running because I couldn't keep my shoulders relaxed. I'm especially guilty of it when I'm at the computer, which is... way too much.

Ooh, more exciting stuff! Subbing again. Those ring pull-ups look great to me, but then again, I'm still trying to achieve one anything pull-up And congrats on your cut success so far! If I recall correctly, you were on a pretty tight schedule, but it looks like you've been cutting like a champ.

I know the new challenge started, just wanted to make the final update for this one. And I already made a new challenge thread, with New and Improved Goals and everything.

aka, Polaris does All the Things and Will NOT burn herself out "Fire is the element of power. The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will and the energy and drive to achieve what they want." - Iroh, Avatar: the Last Airbender This is it. I turned 26. Shed 7 kilos during the last 4.5 months. Cut my hair. Got my first tattoo. Started the second-to-last year I'm allowed to stay at uni. Need to achieve an insane amount of study points per semester to make up for all the years I wasted and to graduate in time. Need to build muscle, keep lifting heavy things, become better at Taekwon-do. Will possibly run out of money and starve to death. Fun stuff like that. In short, I need to be able to achieve more than ever before, and in order to do that, I need to find more energy than I have ever been able to muster. Energy is my Achilles heel: mentally, I've been held back my chronic depression and anxiety for most of my life, and I'm still learning how to function as a healthy adult. Physically, I've always suffered from lethargy. Doctors blamed it on my mental health after my bloodwork came back fine, but since my mind is fine now and I'm still low on energy, there must be another reason. I need to find it, and smash it to the ground. It's literally a matter of life and death at this point. And I can't get a burnout and crash totally like I've done before, because it would be the end of me. So, this challenge, I will find the firebender within me to gather that energy and drive, and kick life's butt. I: Energy Everything and whatever it takes to complete all my tasks. Sleep enough. Eat enough. Work out. Caffeine. Amazing, Magical Preworkout Powder (seriously, it recreates me. You can read on my previous challenge thread how wonderful that stuff is for me.) Pester uni healthcare until they take my sleepiness and lethargy seriously, and either find out the cause or are 110% certain it's nothing physical. Illegal stimulants - okay, so not literally whatever it takes. Also - this is important, Polaris you self-destructive perfectionist - despite the fact that I have loads of Stuff To Do, I need to schedule and organize said Stuff so I won't burn myself out like I've done every time before. Any and all advice on how to stay active and energetic is welcome. II: Food I've been cutting for the past 5-ish months, and I'm about 98% done. I never saw the 59.0 that I wanted to see, but I've plateau'd around 59.5-60.5, and since I'm desperate for moar muscle mass and food, that will do for now. I'll start a 2-week diet break any day now (once I get some sage advice so I won't ruin my progress), which should coincide nicely with the minor surgery I'm about to have that'll ban me from the gym for a while, and then start my first bulk. I'm terrified of fat gain, but very excited about getting and looking stronger, plus maybe it'll boost my energy levels. I have an underlying eating disorder, which will add extra challenge, but I've been able to wrestle it down so far. III: Strength (& Ass-Kicking) I've pretty much got the basic 'Go to the Gym X times/week' down, but there are some specific things I need to focus on. First is squats, which I've struggled with recently, I need to work on my form and work back up the weight I was at. The added challenge is that I'm hypermobile, and one of my hips is lower than the other. Also I tend to arch my back too much when I'm lifting, which is why my physio told me to take up pilates. I'm trying to sign up for a beginner's course that starts next month. Second, hip rehab exercises, and shoulder stuff when that acts up. Third, I've been neglecting TKD on the summer because, well, summer. I need to attend two classes per week at minimum, though I'd like to do some 5-7 classes/week bursts to get enough practice for the belt test on December, but I need to prioritize. If anyone's interested, my current program is here. IV: Will I take pride in my willpower, now if ever is the time to deliver. No skipping classes, no skipping workouts, no skipping cooking and eating crap instead. I will attend all my classes, do my work, and go to the gym. Also, I will do assignments on time instead of leaving them to the last minute. I'm gonna set a few rules for myself: - I'm only allowed to skip classes in case of 1) illness 2) serious sleep deprivation (<5 hours of sleep) 3) last-minute assignments (which shouldn't happen, but just in case) 4) serious Need for a break - I'm only allowed to skip workouts for reasons described above, plus if I'm having a seriously bad day (because it's statistically led to either injury or really crappy, no-good workout) - order of priorities is studies > rest/food/health > lifting > TKD > fun stuff - laziness, minor weariness, or "don't feel like it" are not acceptable reasons - will track absences from every course so I don't go over the limit - will compensate for absences within three days V: Catch Up I've got a few papers I should have handed in, at worst, literally years ago. I need to write them, or in case of the two that I'm not certain if the teacher'll still accept them, figure out how I can get them done. I recall three papers and BA thesis, so if I divide the BA thesis for three weeks, that should give me a nice schedule of one paper per week. Which is very doable if I can actually sit on my ass and work on them, say, one day a week that I have pretty much nothing else going on. Friday should probably be Designated Catch-up Day. VI: Money I mentioned I may starve to death soon, which is because my student aid months ran out for now. I need to figure out where and how I'll get some money, during this month, because I'd like to not die yet maybe. I also need to go over my bills for the past few months because they've been so financially complicated I'm not on board on what I've paid and not paid at all. I may also need new insurance, which I'm mentioning here just so I won't forget. VII: Order Basically two things: 1) Re-declutter my room and keep it relatively clean. 2) I got a magnet board and colorful little papers, so I can write down and put up all the stuff I need to do and when, since I'm so ADD I forget everything. Now I need to learn to use it. I think seven is a good number to finish with, so that's that. Follow for updates on my goals, occasional celebrations and breakdowns, unhealthy perfectionism, links to motivational songs, and gifs of cute canines and the two best animated series ever.

I went way AWOL for a while because of uni starting & stuff. But here's the final update for this challenge: #1: Never hit 59.0 kg, not for lack of trying. My calorie deficit has been on point, my workouts have been on point, but I've plateau'd around 59.5-61. And you know what? Fine. I'm starting to think that if my weight doesn't want to drop any more for now, I'm gonna let it be for now. I'm still 7 kilos lighter than I used to be and that's kind of awesome. Besides, the more I look at myself, the more I think I need more muscle mass, I'm so flabby and "skinny fat" it annoys me, and I ain't gonna get muscle mass without bulking. So I'm gonna start a diet break soon-ish, then will bulk. Eeee. Excited but scared. #2: I can bench 3x5x25kg, provided I remember to engage my whole body. I still could do it with better technique and I'd like it to be easier, but I'm thinking I need to go slow with this one because a, I already injured myself once and b, I need to build more chest and arm muscles to do the job. I mean, I poke below my clavicles and there is literally nothing there. So I expect my bench will improve with bulking. I have been banging a couple extra sets with lighter weight and it's been helping, so I need to continue to do that. #3: Succeeded most of the time. Discovered that 1) I feel better after I've had adequate sleep (whoduthunkit?) 2) I cannot function sleep-deprived. At all. I get physical pains and feel like shite. I'm too old to skip sleep. 3) Sometimes insomnia happens for no reason, but often it's connected with excessive napping or anxiety about the following day. (The night before I was to start a course I was really afraid of, I hardly slept at all. Had a nine-hour day at uni afterwards, so that was fun.) Life goal: Succeeded, then failed. I cleaned up my living space LIKE A BOSS and then let chaos re-conquer. Not sure what happened. It's not nearly as bad as it was, though, I can get it de-cluttered in one longer session, but I'll leave that until I'm healthy again. (Not dying, just caught the flu. I am severely disappointed in my multivitamin.) I need to learn how to keep my stuff organized, because that's the difficult part.

That's good advice. I think I squatted high-bar when I (re)started, but I tried to switch to low-bar after being told it's better for glute development or something. (Is it? Is the difference significant?) So there may definitely be some causality there.

This week's flexy time: 1. A crapton of BW squats, calf raises/stretches, and sitting in a paleo chair, side squat or butterfly stretch while inventorying screw boxes. (Yes, I can comfortably sit in all of those. I'm told that's unusual.) 187 different kinds, took over an hour, so I think it added up to at least ten minutes. 2. Leg stretches on taekwon-do class, by ourselves and with a partner. The latter was painful. 3. Today's physio appointment. 4. Not happened yet, but I'll be at a TKD camp tomorrow where the focus is on kicks, so it will certainly include mobility and flexibility stuff. My inner thighs are already so sore from everything I've done so far, I don't know how I'll be able to handle five hours of kick training tomorrow.

Thanks, guys. *sniff* It just hits me really hard when I think I got something and then it turns out I don't. I thought good lifting form worked the same way as a taekwon-do technique, that once you properly learn the move you keep doing it right by muscle memory. Then again, the same moves don't keep getting harder and harder like in lifting... I saw the physio. Good news is that mobility or muscle tightness is not the issue as I thought; on the contrary, I'm still hypermobile as fk and need to make sure I don't abuse that. Bad news is that my left hip is lower than the right, which might be the culprit behind the pain and balance issues. She tested me by making me do goblet squats with my arms straight holding a dumbbell, and I can get ATG on that. Literally, she told me to go as low as I can, so I ended up sitting on the floor, no stretching or warm-up required. I stared up at her and said, "I can get down here but it hurts a bit", and she's like "O___O Yeah well most people can't go that low just like that" Now I just need to figure out why I'm not doing it with back squats and why I'm leaning forward so much. I was prescribed goblet squats for warm-up, abductors with low pulley and the machine, and deloading back to the bar to get my technique down. And pilates about once a week, because I arch my back when I squat and it should help with that.

Not directly challenge-related, but I need to write this stuff down somewhere. I had the physio appointment today, and came out with the following knowledge and advice: - My squat problems aren't related to mobility because I can do goblet squats ATG - I need to majorly deload my back squats (basically to the bar) and rework on my technique - Goblet squats for warm-up - Stop arching my back during squats - My left hip is lower than the right, so there's more load on it and it's less stable, which is the culprit behind my thigh/hip flexor pain - Also I'm still (d'uh) ridiculously hypermobile - Work on abductors with low pulley and the machine - My right shoulder has likely nothing wrong with it except for the hypermobility - Don't do stuff that hurts. So basically no barbell rows or other moves that cause forearm pain, dumbbell rows only; no wide/medium grip lat pull downs if they hurt; no kicking so high it hurts. I need to remember this, listen to my body and not just grin and bear it, because that will just damage me on the long run. - I should do pilates for my back, not excited about it but okay

I find this gifset very relevant here What I mean to say is, I understand you feeling discouraged, but sometimes life happens in a negative way like that and it sucks, but it isn't the least bit your fault. I can only imagine what you went through - I've only had one surgery for completely non-life-threatening reasons - and I have mad respect for you because you decided to get back on this horse after all that. Besides, your body might not be as lean as you want right now, but it fought off cancer and that's pretty f'king hardcore. You lost the weight and gained the fitness once, you can do it again, and it's likely to be easier this time round. Really, your body has a memory of that stuff now so it can adapt to the changes more easily.

Finland, yes, but a couple degrees norther than Helsinki. No blinds in my apartment complex, but I did have to get black-out curtains because of the 24/7 summer sun. They helped a bit, but the thing is, I used to be able to sleep without problems regardless of that. I used to be able to sleep anywhere, any time, no matter the conditions. Stuff like too much light or a wrong kind of pillow only started to bother me after I developed sleeping problems.

I don't think the minimalist updates here are pointless without numbers. Spezzy's saying "I worked out, this is what I did", I don't see the specific numbers as essential especially since her challenge's about PRs and not numbers. Btw, about the sleep problems - this may seem either stupid or you've heard this one a million times, but have you changed stuff about your sleeping arrangements and if so, did it make a difference? I'm asking because I recently did a few things - got a new pillow and blanket, made a headboard - and have been sleeping better since. It's not about vastly superior new stuff either because those are from IKEA, but it's like my brain thinks I have a fancy new resting place now and falls and stays asleep better.

I came to this miserable conclusion yesterday when I did multiple sets and tried to pinpoint the problem area around my hips for my upcoming physio appointment. I deloaded to 40 and 45 kg (from the 55-60 I had been at previously) and kind of felt around my legs as I squatted. I noticed I still couldn't really feel it in my glutes even though I should, so I decided to video myself. Admittedly I was a bit worn out at that point because it was the fourth or fifths set, but watching that video I wanted to bang my head against the squat rack. For one, I wasn't going until parallel, and two, I leaned down/front quite a lot. My back stayed straight, but it's like my upper back went down the last couple of inches when my butt didn't. //Edit: My inner thighs are quite DOMS-y today, butt isn't. I'm devastated. I thought I knew how to squat, because I did back when I started - I had two people check my form. At some point, something's happened. I don't know if it's physical or psychological, because when I put a box behind me and tried BW box squats with it, and it got me just till parallel. But when I put the barbell on my shoulders, I couldn't make my butt touch the box. Just couldn't. I felt like I'll tip backward if I do - the same feeling might contribute to my excessive leaning to the front. Partially it's because of the problem pain in my groin/front thigh that I'm seeing the physio for, but it wasn't so bad that it would have prevented me from going an inch or two lower. I wanna cry and scream and throw the barbell out of the window. I can't because it's not mine and the gym's below ground level, so I guess I'll just cry. In any case, my physio appointment is tomorrow, hopefully she can help me with that issue. After that, next week, I'll probably have to deload again and figure out how to get over that mind block and squat just a bit lowerkeep my back in a more upwards positionhow to hit the d¤&n glutes (this is super important, because one of the focuses of my soon-to-start bulk is some srs glute mass gainz)start rehabbing whatever's causing that thigh painpick up the shards of my ego and try to glue them back together

I weighed 60.0 this morning, hopefully it'll be below that tomorrow. I'm still miffed because I feel like I've been robbed of a week's worth of progress. But I do think I looked leaner this morning, I noticed all these little indentations that could maybe be muscle lines??? I banged 2x5 and 1x4 25kg half-assed bench presses yesterday. (The last fifth rep failed and I had to squirm out from under the bar again, thank dog for safeties. Also, the guy benching before me there failed his last rep, and it made me feel better to see it happens to other, stronger people too.) I say half-assed because I know I didn't go low enough, but that was more about getting used to the weight, I'll do it with better technique in the future. My right pec still feels a little bad-sore today, around the same area that I pulled before, even though I warmed up and stretched it afterwards. I can also do 3x5-6 push presses - which I've been substituting for OHP because my OHP wasn't going anywhere, and push presses seem to help my lower back problem - now I just have to translate that to real OHPs.

I wash mine by hand with this tall oil soap that Finns use for pretty much everything because it's effective yet gentle for clothes/carpets/etc., but I don't know if something similar is available in other countries. I don't wash it with soap every time after use, though. I've seen it recommended that you take your sports bra with you to the shower after your work out, the water should be enough to wash it when it's still fresh.

Except that I'm not attracted to people throughout the day walking down the street, not even one. If I'm lucky, I may see one person in a month IRL that I find attractive. When I say I'm picky, I mean I'm picky. (And I'm not one of those people that only want to date supermodels, either. My taste is fairly eccentric, and I really have a very consistent and strong type I like [or actually two, and they're very different from each other]). Mostly I do think that I'm attractive to the people that I find attractive, but that demands that I'm at my best. I'm constantly worried I might meet my potential soulmate while I don't have my normal makeup on, or I have roots, or just the wrong kind of haircut. Like, at one point I was so worried my teeth weren't white enough to be attractive enough.

Ugh, body image. How do I even start... I don't have pictures at hand to post, but I'm 5'4" and at most I've weighed 67 kg, so I've never been fat really. That hasn't stopped me from hating every part of my body more or less my whole life, and crying in fitting rooms because the clothes I thought would fit me didn't. I have weird body dysmorphia that goes both ways, I can see myself as either much bigger than I really am, or thinner, though the latter usually passes when I see a photo of myself, which has usually resulted in an unhealthy starvation diet. I've cut about 7 kilos in the past four months and I'm... more satisfied than I was before, but still not enough. Like, I can look at myself and think I look pretty smokin', but it's still not enough. I know I'm insanely demanding of myself, but that doesn't stop me from being unsatisfied. I have this mental image of the perfect version of me that I try to achieve, even though some of those things have already become impossible... In my twisted logic, that's no reason to cut myself any slack. But even the possible things are virtually very hard - for example, I should have perfect skin. I even went off skin makeup for a month to see if my skin would magically improve (it didn't). And because I'm single, I have this horrible fear that I'm not good enough if I happen to meet a person who's good enough for me. That I need to have the perfect face, perfect hair, perfect body to be worthy of that amazing person. It doesn't help that I'm turning 26 and I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up with wrinkles, and there goes my chances.

I, on the other hand, can't recall ever seeing a bench without safeties. The idea of benching without them seems insane and terrifying to me. Sometimes I would like to do some kind of a poll to research in which countries/continents they tend to put safeties to benches and where they don't.