tumblingcat

I'm happy to hear that you are gaining confidence in your appearance/athleticism. You've been doing so well with your goals! I wish I could say I was still feeling good about myself, but unfortunately I feel worse about my body than I have in months...I've undone a lot of hard work. I hope you continue to kick butt in this challenge and reach where you want to be! xx

Hey guys, I think I need to drop out of the challenge. Yesterday, I cried and cried and cried to my sister about my weight. I told her everything I feel about myself, my constant thoughts, comparing myself to others, my private binging (I just binged about 10 minutes ago and cried again....), how much weight i've gained the past month...etc etc. I have an eating disorder. Her, my mum and myself all think I need to see a therapist because I'm now suffering from depression because of this. The only thing I care about and think about is food, exercise and my body. I get headaches all the time because 'being healthy' is all I think about and all I look at on the computer. I'm even at a point where I'm too ashamed to go out and have fun with my friends because I hate how disgusting my body is (I cancelled my birthday celebration this weekend) and I feel like I don't deserve to wear nice clothes. I hate the way my body feels when I'm walking outside, I feel so massive. I KNOW I've gotten fatter, it's not just in my head. My measurements are all up, I have a muffin top over my jeans which I never had a few weeks ago, my tummy sticks out...I've undone weeks of hard work and I don't know if I can do it all again. I've completely exhausted my mind. I need to step away from this challenge, nerdfitness and all fitness/health sites in general before I cause myself any more stress. Thank you all for supporting me in my goals in the weeks I've been here. I hope you all achieve yours and I'm sure you will as you are all doing so amazing!

So this morning something weird happened. I stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and thought, "I actually like my body today." For me, this is huge. I have 0% confidence in my appearance. I've even had to speak to my doctor about my body image and what I see when I look in the mirror, how it makes me feel etc. For as long as I can remember I've always hated my reflection. But today is different. I was actually able to pick things out that I LIKED instead of criticising everything. Now, I can't say I've 100% happy, as I'm still wanting to shed that extra body fat I don't want and build my muscles. I still want abs, slimmer legs, stronger arms....but that will come in it's own time. I just can't believe that I was able to look at my body in the mirror and think positively about it. Not that much has even changed about it, but I was still able to say I'm happy. I know that this won't be the case every day, I'm gonna have ups and downs, hate everything I see, but I will deal with that when it happens. Today I am going to enjoy this feeling.

Now it isn't so much about my weight, as I know muscle weighs more than fat, it's more measurements and body fat %. I don't want to be measuring every. single. day. So more me it's more a case of hiding away my measuring tape and only getting it out every week or two weeks. I'll probably only end up weighing myself at the end of the challenge. I do feel more energetic, definitely! Always feel ready to take on the day after my morning workouts. So it's week three now. I'm determined to do well this week. My second week was a let down. I think a lot of it was because I was on a little holiday from work and therefore sitting in the house a lot, getting bored, turning to food etc etc. Ready to get back on track and take on week three!

Take two cups of almonds and put them in a food processor with an 'S' blade. Keep blending until the natural oils are released and it becomes nice and smooth. You may need to stop sometimes as it can start to heat up, so let it cool. You'll also need to scrape the mixture off the sides now and then. It does take a bit of time. I think I was blending it for about 12 minutes total. But it all depends on the food processor you have. Here explains it: http://heathereatsalmondbutter.com/recipes/homemade-nut-butter/ I didn't roast the almonds like they did, that's just down to preference.

Yes it's amazing what you can make! The almond butter is delicious, will definitely make it again.

Getting back on track feels so good and I'm surprised my muscles aren't as sore as I thought they'd be after yesterdays workout, they're usually awful! Still keeping up with my goal to try new recipes every week. I've added a link to some gorgeous paleo pancakes that I think everyone should try! Need to get back to completing my life goal. Money has been a bit of an issue this week so I've not been able to buy new furniture and things. Hoping to get the painting started early next week.

I know exactly how you feel. I often feel out of my own control and it's like my brain is forcing me to eat a tonne of junk food and I want to give up forever. But these things happen. I'm still learning to let times like that go and just push on. I got right back on track yesterday and keeping it that way today. You can do the same! Don't let it knock you off track. You will get there, it takes time. Please don't beat yourself up over this. I've had far worse binge days than what you've described, trust me. You CAN do this!

Ok, I will have a go at only measuring every second week. When I started losing a lot of weight about a year ago I hardly every weighed myself, but as I started to get closer to my target my weight loss slowed and I began weighing every day. It was starting to drive me mental and it was all I thought about. I really don't want to get back into that cycle.

Ok so this morning I had the most gorgeous paleo pancakes! They were so tasty I almost felt guilty eating them haha. If anyone is interested you can find the recipe here: http://ultimatepaleoguide.com/paleo-pancakes-recipe/ I topped mine with some strawberries, blueberries and a teeny tiny bit of natural honey. Let me know if you try them and tell me what you think! Enjoy!

I did this for a while too, I was running on about 1200 calories, sometimes less. I was super grumpy, didn't want to speak to anyone and had a very short temper. I also wasn't recovering too well from my workouts. I eat a lot more now and its helped loads. I have lots more energy and I rarely have a moody day now. I think you will definitely benefit from upping your calorie intake, especially since you burn a lot of calories during each workout. Your body needs it's energy replenished. Let us know how you feel after a few days of eating more calories. OH and if you're having trouble meeting a calorie target, try a handful of nuts or dried fruit. Those will definitely push up the numbers. Good luck!

I'm definitely going to jump on board with this spaghetti squash! It sounds delicious, and recently i've been missing my pasta. You're doing so well with your goals! Well done for keeping the soda addiction at bay. Keep it up!

I know exactly how you're feeling, except I've not had the strength to hold back. I've already eaten a lot of things I shouldn't have. It's not been my worst binge but it's still not good. I hope you manage to overcome the cravings! I'm sure you will! The yoga sounds like a good idea as it will take your mind off of food. Good luck!

So sadly my measurements have gone up again. This week is really not going well for me.

I know! People just don't seem to like it if you're trying to take care of yourself. Exactly, being healthy is not a crime and your body will thank you for taking care of it.

My neighbour does that to me! She's always like "You can't lose anymore weight! You don't want to become anorexic. Make sure you're eating!" and it really irritates me because it's my body and I don't want to stop going to the gym or eating healthy (and I eat a LOT) and I know that I'm not anorexic. I'm a healthy weight, but I just want to lose body fat and build muscle. Honestly, some people need to stop being so discouraging...

I just finished making my own almond butter! I'm so excited to try some tonight with apple slices and better yet I know there is only one ingredient! There's only a couple of places I know that sell almond butter here and it can get quite expensive, so making my own is the way to go~

Yeh I think the cocoa powder is allowed on paleo, I've read about making banana 'ice cream' only using bananas, but never thought to add some cocoa powder! Thank you for the suggestion, it sounds delicious and that way my treats can stay within my paleo goals.

At least you gave it your best shot though! Definitely better than not trying at all. Yes, always modify! Let me know how the yoga goes for you if you continue with it, it really helped me with DOMS and other aches and pains.

It was really good! If you make the egg fried version, it's definitely a great substitute for the sushi rice. You're very welcome, you must let me know if you try it! Well I have this DVD set called X-Train Fit and I just used the yoga DVD which came with that, it's the only one I have right now, but I have been looking up videos on Youtube and there are loads. You should do a quick search on there and see if you find any you like (: Here's one channel I was flicking through: http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCH-81uaxCwAAaSgxRtxMkxg

Thank you to Ani, Fai and Sasx for the really supportive comments on my google doc spreadsheet. You guys helped me get over that silly binge I had this morning. I think my problem is that I try to deny myself any kind of treat foods and I will last for so long and then cave in. From now on I will designate one day a week (let's say a Saturday) where I will allow myself a treat and enjoy it without guilt! I just have it drilled into my head that if I eat anything unhealthy I will gain weight (even if it's within my calorie intake)... but anyway, thank you guys so much! I'm so glad to be a part of this group for my six week challenge.

I just use a normal blender, nothing fancy