DELETED

Yay! Nazy's back!! Your goals are great. You can do this!

love "ITheBlaze" ! you should totally use it somewhere!

*cheering* you can do it.

When 2013 was ending, I declared (publicly) that 2014 was my year. Highlights of 2014: hospitalized with pneumoniadead grandmothertonsillectomy (and yes, I’m a little old for that)dead auntthyroid levels that still bounce around and make me insanefinding out that gluten free would probably help that (but is inconvenient)discovering that dairy free helps my breathing (but is also inconvenient)embarrassing myself in front of not one, but two, people I highly admire to the point that I’m terrified to talk to thema weird “something is stressing me out but my brain won’t tell me so here’s let’s obsess over something ridiculous†anxiety that my cat will be dead when I get home from work (Every single day, even though she’s perfectly healthy)There’s more too that I don’t feel comfortable writing online.In a nutshell, 2014 has not lived up to my expectations and I’ve had a hard time with it. (2015, you’re in luck, because the bar has been set ridiculously low.) In August, when my naturopathic doctor ran some tests (and then I did some of my own research) and it was decided that gluten free was best for me... I was doing ok. I was trying and felt good. Then in October, when my aunt died and I was (unknowingly) hyperthyroid again, I gave up. I ate whatever I wanted, which included a lot of junk from fast food establishments because I hadn’t allowed myself to eat them for months. (PS – if you don’t eat that crap for months and then do again, you discover two things. One, it has no flavor and you will wonder why you ever enjoyed it. Two, your body *does* ask you, “WTF are you doing to me?†and it’s not polite about it.) I was exercising everyday and stopped. Seriously, 30 minutes a day for 6 straight weeks and then I said “screw this.†I think I may have even flipped off the exercise calendar a few times before I finally ripped it down. Most people, when their aunt dies suddenly/unexpectedly of a heart attack at 59, they have that “oh shit, I should take care of myself better†feeling, especially if they know her father died of a heart attack at 58. Family history and all that. Apparently, I’m not most people. I had a “well what is the f’n point?†moment. She had been taking care of herself. She looked so much better when we saw her in January at Grandma’s funeral, and what good did it do? None, she still died all the same. We all still die. Yes, I know that reasoning is not sound. I was angry. I’m STILL angry. I’m tired. I’m broken. I’m lonely. I’m also back in therapy. And back on a proper dose of thyroid meds. And eating gluten free and dairy free again. (Thanksgiving was interesting …) I guess I’ve been slowly respawning for a couple weeks now. (I’m a Taurus. We don’t like to be rushed.) I’m not really exercising yet due to an injury (which I keep aggravating by jumping around in my living room like an idiot, aka dancing) So here I am… back… respawing with a new display name. Well a new name for here. It was the name in one of my first email addresses before I adopted upirygirl. It’s an anagram of Christy Marie and “a mythic riser†sounds like a reference to a phoenix, which I always thought was cool. I know you’re jealous. You want to know if your name is a really sweet anagram too. I suggest this site for finding out: http://wordsmith.org/anagram/

here i am. sorry to disappear. my thyroid levels were off again, which caused a resurgance in my depression and i gave up on pretty much everything. i started to feel better in january, only to be hit with pneumonia, that i'm still trying to completely recover from. i'm working on a nutrition plan, sort of half-heartedly mostly because i'm still not feeling well which makes it hard to care completely about anything. it's ultimately an extreme plan, but i think given my personal set of health issues, it's the best plan to feel better naturally and not pharmaceutically. i just have to make myself care enough to start. i'm not sure how much i'm going to post on NF still. i might again in the future, but i'm still feeling lone wolf right now. but i wanted to say hi and "i'm not dead" and all that. hope things are going well for you, Mathieu.

i tried stalking you on FB and you didn't come up

Dropped the gift at the post office today! Thanks!

running rest day caffeine - accidentally consumed! i had an iced tea to avoid drinking a cola and then thought "doofus, that has caffeine in it." when i make hot tea or chai, i use decaf, so i didn't even think about the iced tea having caffeine. i must be more vigilant! ice cream - easy to avoid as it's not in the house and i wont be buying any. french - did a duolingo review... 3 times... and failed 3 times. looks like i will be redoing some lessons. but trying and failing is better than not trying at all. and i probably only failed because i havent been studying every day like im supposed to be! planking - a slight increase in my times. the higher levels are definitely tougher.

it IS torture, but it's a good torture. our cores are getting so strong!

DECEMBER! IT'S ON! Started week 6 of ZR5K today. Knees were stiff at the beginning and the end, but seemed to be working ok in the middle. Still some of that weird pain, but my ankle seemed ok. Overall, i had a nice time today. I changed up the music on my phone and that helped. I think my knees might be caffeine related... so no caffeine in december. also, no ice cream in december. because... well i've been eating it too much lately so let's just stop that, shall we? ice cream makes me stuffy and tubby. those are not happy things. i'd like to drop around 10lbs this month if i can. i just think it would be nice to lose a little weight while most people are gaining. hell, if i lose just 1lb, i'll be happy - because that will mean i survived the holidays without gaining. but i'm going to try for 10. if i succeed, that will mean i'm less than 20 lbs from being back under 200... and it's been a while since i was under 200. planking challenge continues. now that i am doing the side planks properly, i'm not in pain. woo! decided i'd try the next level up on both sides and regs today. and i managed decent times for a first try. woot woot! french studies - i've been slacking. i'm feeling a tad better than i have been. i mean, not "WOO MY LIFE IS AWESOME" or anything, but a bit renewed. and i think this track is helping: http://youtu.be/ZOP2NUbG2iY it makes me a little angry, but in a good way... a "yea, i'm going to show everyone how awesome i can be and then they'll be sorry they ever doubted me" kind of inspired angry. i do my best work when im angry, i think. i definitely work harder during a workout when i'm on the angry side of the spectrum. "I will shine brighter than i could have ever dreamed to be and you will see me."

The Pretty Little Dolly by Mona Abboud. i'm kinda twisted like that. and i've yet to figure out how to embed videos. (someone educate me!) so here's a link: http://youtu.be/G0xq2K-ut8U (ps Johnny's face as the song goes on is pretty awesome)