Kairiel

How exciting to get a letter! I get giddy whenever one arrives! Must be nice to have your efforts rewarded. I think i'd like you to tell me bedtime stories. They sound magical. Glad the fasting thing is working for you, i could never do it well.

By the goddess! Thats crazy awful! Some days i want to be a doctor JUST to be something better for people! I would spend a great deal of time mentally stabbing that doctor.

Goals: 1)Eat 90% vegan I have done that. The 10% are the eggs i eat, from parents rescue-chickens. I still feel a bit bad. Also i over did the fibre the other day. It was an explosion. You all needed to know 2)Strength train 3x a week. Its training time today. I did it 3x last week, so i think i can do it again! The only problem is i hate exercising when people around me arent... so i need to overcome my self consciousness. 3)Stretch second-daily Yesterdays stretching was brilliant! I had gone for a run so i was warmed up for a change. I impressed my mother anyway! so close-far from splits... Go on Duolingo or use my books to study German, an hour a week. I made the flash cards, and did at leastt 10min a day averaged out. I dont think ive learned anything though, so thats an issue! i need a better study style. First i need to finish cleaning though. I have 5 days to be perfect or my parents will clean out my stuff for me. Which wouldnt be so bad if i didnt like a vast and varied wardrobe. ARGH

My cardio this week has consisted of about 20min jogging on spot so i could watch xena(once for a full 43min episode tho!) and walking 2x. I have been eating so much that when i try to exercise i get cramps because i never have a 2hour gap between feeds. I hope to change that to a reasonable amount of food before i gain too much.... the more i exercise the less i eat. its weird. Tonight went well. Almost. It took about 3 years to complete my strength workout but i DID the workout!(argh! just realised i forgot the yoga! now i'll have to do 2min cardio to warm up for it) The Vegan diet is actually going really well. Apart from the reaction of either wanting to cry or craving the food i see on TV(if it's meat). ~journal time~ Met a recovery worker this morning, went for coffee and walk. She was nice enough to cast a circle with me, for negativity cleansing mini-ritual. When i welcomed the elements she welcomed them after me, which was nice! I kind of expected her to just be awkward. We also walked past a "free mat" sign. Naturally we had to drive past it to get it for her on the way back. I have done almost no work on my unpacking, except shoving a few shirts in a draw(haphazardly). But i got a good amount of meditation in today and tried cleansing/balancing my Root Chakra. I hope to see progress within a week. Ive been in a pretty good mood, and if my skin would just clear up(hoping vegan diet-no dairy!!-will help out) i'd be pumped. Food shopping and running day tomorrow! yay! (i think?)

Pretty badly actually! I have so much time but i do everything OTHER than the simple tasks i've set! I havent even done 5min today. I better sit down and actually put together those flash cards tomorrow.

I did not know that about plurals! Its the same for EVERY one? That will make things easier for me now! Thank you

I ended up catching a bus! I had to get the timing right... i spent an hour waiting after i made my purchase. I got a cheap and nasty one and tried it. it didnt fit. made me angry cos it said suitable for iphone! On the plus i managed to get crystals for Chakra balancing. the lady in the shop took special interest in helping me, which was nice, and she said she wanted a report next time i came in on how it was going. i did about 15min of german vocab, which still drives me mad cos i mess up gender constantly. i plan on making time to create flashcards. Its been so for the last year. Did my arm/legs not core... i might do that now.(well, after this) cardio went badly cos of bad food choices giving me stomach pains while exercising. I got 20 min of medium/low intensity in. Oh, and i did stretching! I am going backwards on that. every day i get farther from splits! I tried warming up which didnt help, ive done daily and couple-times-a-weekly but neither were great. Im probably just impatient. At the end of the challenge we will see. Ive been sneaking the dog food all day. now hes started begging so i have to stop. :s oops. oh, i forgot to say, i went back and spent a ridiculous sum of money on a working cable from the optus shop. so i have a phone again!

appreciation of your willpower post! you deserve so much congratulating.

Do you find SJW tastes awful? that was the main reason i gave it up! Well done on everything so far(apart from the step count! that really is hard)

ARGH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my phone charge cable has packed it in. It has all my workouts. And ability to contact people. not good when i'm meant to be meeting professionals! I cant drive due to current state of anxiety so i dont know where to get a new one. :\ On the plus side i did stretching and arms/legs yesterday. Ive only done 20min of German and i remember nothing. Except schlussel(with the funny u). If diet was a goal i would have failed! Tofu rolls and gingernuts and chocolate. I feel sick! Xena calls. I will attempt cardio. without a timer. D: WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME GODS I teared up when i realised i have no phone. im not made for this.

Just moved back to my parents house! I have so much junk. I need to sort and remove. I'm such a hoarder -I don't know how to cut things out of my life! The color run is on Sunday, and then my challenge starts! Thanks for the support guys! I'll be sure to ask about German this challenge!

a set of goals i am excited to follow!

Last challenge felt horrible and exhausting due to personal stuff, so i plan to use all of my hard earned skills to improve this time. I can achieve it all, and i will. Life quest: Still on the road of personal growth. I plan to stick to it all my life. Goals: 1)Eat 90% vegan (wis+1, con+3) 2)Strength train 3x a week. (str +5) 3)Stretch second-daily(dex+3) Side quest: Go on Duolingo or use my books to study German, an hour a week.(wis+3)

With those sort of gifs, it just reminds me of his pants! I hope this challenge is smooth sailing.

Okay! Time to reflect (gulp) Goal one: Continue running training. sta+4 Goal two: Stretch daily. dex+3 con+1 Goal three: 3x strength workouts in a week. str+4 Side quest: Shower daily!!!! All of them i was slack with during the pit of my despair, so i promised myself at least a c for sticking it out. I will however, give myself an a for running because thats where i progressed the most and feel that i deserve it. So: goal one, a sta+4 goal 2, c dex+1, con+1 goal 3, b str3 side quest, b. Cha+2 That means im now a level 5 amazon druid!!! from str2 wis11 cha3 dex5 sta7 con6 to str5 wis11 cha5 dex6 sta11 con7 i feel happy for making it to the end, even after giving up in the middle. looking forward to defeating the next challenge with a grades!

at the risk of sounding boring cos i agree with everyone else, congrats on a great job!

Well. Its night of the end of the challenge.(i think!) Im going to grade myself tomorrow, and its not going to be an A! I did however have a creative period today and that felt great, except no one was having it with me and all got annoyed by it. Run was BRILLIANT tonight.

Thank you Sterre Did my squats challenge and arm workout and showered and walked the dog and stretched. I feel accomplished. On top of that i ate normally!!!!!!!!!! If the weekend is like this it will be great!

Has anyone mentioned how wonderful you are, Silverwitch? I managed to bulk up my diet with grapes, bringing me to 1250kcal for the day. I'm happy with that! Hmm. what i enjoy eating.... im the sort of person who munches on capsicum, cucumbers and bags of spinach and rocket. Fresh salads are the best! I bulk things up with vegetarian meats, chickpeas and seeds and if im desperate, breads and butters. But i am feeling anxious about everything making it hard to eat, cos im scared of being polluted by food. This really worries me because it could be psychosis coming back from reduced meds. its only mild, i can still eat and function, and I really dont want to be on clozapine again! It had the worst side effects ever!!! (tmi warning! the worst symptom wasnt the drooling or lack of dreaming, it actually made me a bed wetter :'( awful) Cardio and stretching continues to go well! Im feeling proud! I will wash my hair tonight. Im doing legs tomorrow and arms on friday, Im ready!

Day two week 6 2x cardio, 2x stretching, arm workout, but only one shower :\ (i think i skipped monday.....) I might end up exercising at a reasonable time today! (not 8-9pm!) I think next challenge, "organising my space" would be a good idea. i'm so messy its almost unhygienic! good news is one of my social workers said she'd talk to the doctor on my behalf about the anxiety. I wonder if she does. Im having a bad couple days with food though. i was 1200 calories under maintenance on monday and 750 on tuesday... I just havent really wanted to eat. But i feel shaky and tired and cold and dizzy and its only been two days!!! How do people survive off nothing for longer than that?! *is grumpy*

decluttering can feel good sometimes! I know what you mean about forgetting the colour of your desk! XD Im glad the weather and family life is suiting your soul. kill it this last week!

i have strong faith in you! you can make wonderful things happen!

well! my anxiety is marginally down but that is BRILLIANT because im not desiring curling up in public places(as much). The social worker after prodding said "aren't you schizoaffective not bipolar?" to which i groan because WHATS THE DIFFERENCE apart from constant instead of episode-related psychosis? Its actually spring here!!! well, it feels like summer already. I did a lot of meditation, and I did have a nice long chat with several gods.... They agreed to work with me IF i focused on dealing with my shadows, which is alright by me because i planned on/am doing that anyway. As far as my challenge goes, i had a bit of a downturn over the weekend as far as strength training goes(and stretching), but yesterdays run was great! I was really feeling powerful at the end. I need that feeling more(but will i run more? probs not) Im going to finish strong. moving day is so close! I dont know if i want to go ive enjoyed this freedom so much! D': WAIT IS IT THE LAST WEEK OF THE CHALLENGE DEAR MIGHTY HORUS IM IN DESPERATE NEED OF HARD WORK!!!!! i can get a b grade. Just need to keep pushing. Allowances for mental health must be made!

Im trying not to give up. Boo depression! Im also dealing with extreme anxiety bouts that come and go during day. Sometimes they become actual panic attacks. They are both relatively recent because i was feeling okay 5-6 weeks ago.... im coming off a sedative so they wonder if thats causing anxiety. Right, the meeting mostly involved my dad and a social worker talking. (guess the two ENTPs in the group!) I got told im like a child needing constant help in kitchen and with transport and stuff. (i can cook i just hate it! i swear!) They discussed whether i should have room inspections for cleanliness(i think they said no?) Dad also said he wanted some advice/help/counselling of some kind on how to deal with me. :\ But it wasnt too stressful! Also on the topic of mental health i got told im not bipolar by the same social worker. i was just thinking "what? why am i on lithium and abilify then?!!!" Tried vegan korma today, was okay! i had a few bites and threw it out. I just didnt feel like it. I exploded it inside the microwave for nothing!!!! Ive done all of the cardio this week, so im thinking about bumping up that grade to an a if i keep this up. Got back into showering too! must remember self care is key i dont know how i'd stay even marginally motivated without you two responding to this.... i feel less alone in the world!

I'm feeling envious of your discipline and... spark! You are so amazing and inspiring and bright!