Emma

It’s going, friend. Dealing with a bad reaction to meds, not fatal, but bad. I am still lurking here from time to time. Hurt my back today taking xray machine up a few steps. That’s it, no more steps for me, period. It was a Tower of Babel night. Did an abdomen xray on a pt with hip pain. No idea why. Didn’t even bother asking the nurses because limited English. Used my very limited Spanish and to help with a patient who fell. The nurse didn’t speak a lot of English and no Spanish. I used to make a game of trying to guess what language people were speaking. No more. Tired of it. Diversity sucks.

You are not terrible. If you are terrible, then so am I.

Ah flea, thank you for caring, but you don’t need to be sorry about that. It’s part of the job and doesn’t bother me much. I’ve experienced much worse than that The trick is to detach emotionally which I am pretty good at because of my background. BBC did an interesting series Doc Martin about a brilliant vascular surgeon who developed a phobia, throwing up every time he saw blood. Well, he couldn’t do surgery any more so he went to a small town to be a GP. We flashback with him to the beginnings of his phobia. He was doing a procedure and all of a sudden he saw his patient as a person instead of a puzzle to be solved. It was his detachment from people that allowed him to be the brilliant surgeon.

Depressing kinda gruesome stuff about work

A bit of sun right now but the rain is starting again tonight. exercise yes homework yes

Some one run upstairs please and ask the big guy to shut off the faucet. We’re really tired of all the rain. Roads flooded, landslides, sinkholes including westbound hwy 92 shut down indefinitely, trees down, roof blown off an apartment building, high winds on bridges capable of overturning big rigs. I’m okay where I am but I have to go out in all that damn weather to work. Covid whining under spoiler. Homework and exercise have been done.

My sister just called. I told her I had declared a pajama day and didn’t leave the house. She said that sounds wonderful except when you have to do it every day for the rest of your life. She is able to turn everything into being about her and her imaginary diseases. I cannot share a hotel room with her for four fricking days.

For the past few days I have been clenching my teeth so hard they hurt. A lot. I’ve been consciously unclenching but a few minutes later I am clenching again. So, why? What’s the problem? Oh, I wish I had a therapist. ”Your wish is my command. Dr B at your service.” Emma: “Mrs. B? Oh my goodness, you certainly are a versatile person.” ”Well, I am imaginary, you know. I can be whatever you need. So, let’s go. Without stopping to think, Emma, what do you want more than anything else right now?” ”I want to be left alone.” Whispers Emma. ”Excuse me, dear, I didn’t hear that.” ” I want to be left alone! I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!” “Very good, Emma. So what’s the problem?” The problem is the costume con. Four days of peopling is about three and a half days more than I can handle at one time. Okay, so what? Just retreat to your hotel room when you need to. Ah, there it is. My sister was encouraging me to buy a ticket to costume con and as soon as I did, started talking about how I had to get a hotel room right away so we could share, because otherwise she would have to share with T, and she really doesn’t want to share with T. And I don’t want to share, period. I really need that quiet alone time and I won’t get it with my sister there. I could tell her no, I don’t want to share, but she would just whine and nag and pout and play poor me, she is the victim here , remember how sick she is, and on and on and on, until she gets her way, an art she perfected in childhood. I just don’t want to deal with that crap. I am going to wait a few more days and tell her I couldn’t get the time off and does she know anyone who wants a free ticket? I am feeling relieved and my teeth are not clenched anymore.

Things Emma used to enjoy. Playing music with other people. After too many bad experiences with other musicians, she has soured on this. Composing. She was writing for fame and fortune, but it didn’t happen. Very few people even listened to her music. Sewing. Emma used to design and make her own clothes and loved them. They were bright and colorful. They definitely stood out and got noticed, but Emma didn’t care. Nowadays, since the divorce and trying to fit in she is uncomfortable going out in public in her old style outfits knowing that people do notice them and these days she just wants to be invisible. Martial Arts. Emma did enjoy this a lot but as she advanced up the ranks the other guys (they were all guys, Emma was the only woman) a couple of them were real bullies. They were supposed to be working at the level of the other student but a couple of them really worked on beating her up. She usually left class with bruises. After talking with this one younger student who said his neck had been broken in class, she left. Nowadays, she is at high risk for blindness if she gets a hard head hit so she is afraid to get back into it. Listening to music. Lost a lot of her CDs and CD player during the divorce and moving around. Playing with other people. Hard nope. Don’t want to spend time on the headaches involved with other personalities. Composing. Maybe just write for family? They’re the only ones who ever listened to my stuff. Maybe later. Sewing. Go ahead Emma, and make some of your old style outfits for costume con. Get used to wearing them again. Martial Arts. Do the damn DVDs, already. Listening. New TV and DVD set up do a pretty nice job of playing CDs. Build collection again. Starting with Haydn and Vivaldi cello concertos. Love the cello. Ooh, and Telemann’s Water music.

Tuesday homework…yes. exercise…no calories? radio…no. I was happier without the radio and news on. Turned on the radio when I started work for the traffic and storm reports, immediate depression. I eat too much. Especially dessert.

Last night md ordered ap, pa, lateral and oblique hand xray for young girl who had punched a wall ( mental hospital). The ap was overkill so I didn’t do it to save the kid some radiation. He also ordered ap, pa, lateral and oblique X-rays of EVERY SINGLE FINGER INDIVIDUALLY! I didn’t want to do them at all, for Pete’s sake the hand xray was enough but the doctors orders were clear. If I’d been able to get hold of him I would have called him on it. I gave him pa and lateral and called it done. The enjoyable part was the male aide who had to be in the room also (mental hospital). He was in a corner, I told him that was good and there’d be no radiation that far away but he still turned and lifted his leg to cover his family jewels whenever I pushed the button. I had to work to keep from giggling at him.

Monday exercise…no homework…no calories…? Over, but probably not too much. I did get the bills done, though. Made it home before storm came in. Yay for dry roads. I am not listening to the radio and traffic reports until I am ready to go out.

My son is 39 and still doesn’t reply to texts even though I told him he needs to. Maybe it’s a guy thing?

Whining ahead. Been through three storms the past few days. Friday night (landslide), Saturday night (lightning strikes) and last night, not bad for me, but I quit early and went home when stuff started getting bad. Three more storms coming, one right after another. Listening to the radio, flooded roads closed, trees down, schools closed, power outages, buildings and cars smashed by falling trees, landslides and more. Twelve dead so far. Governor said this is historic weather. Historic storms, historic drought, historic pandemic, historic wildfires. I’m tired of living in historic times. I want boring normal back. Tonight is supposed to be the worst storm. Sigh. Sunday exercise yes calories 2030 homework no

Friday exercise…yes calories…? Saturday exercise…no. There was a small but urgent plumbing problem calories …2150 homework…no. A lovely nap was had.