Emma

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4xZUr0BEfE I do believe that fellow would approve of the Hu. Mongolian band playing with traditional instruments and throat singing.

What I learned this week. I really like it when my house is clean and tidy, and my to do list is short. I feel in control and not living in chaos. It is a good feeling. Is this what I like so much about staying in hotels? Caffeine raises my blood sugar. Especially in the morning. I was wondering why my sugar was spiking so high in the morning even when I ate absolutely no carbs. So I tried an experiment, decaf tea. No spike, even when I did have carbs for breakfast. A couple of days later, regular tea and no carbs and spike. Official studies were inconclusive and contradictory so I went to Reddit. For some people caffeine lowers their blood sugar, for some it raises the sugar, and for some there is no effect. So caffeine and blood sugar is a totally individual response, which is why the studies are contradictory. Gym is not going great. Squats and lunges are hurting the incision in my groin still. It’s going to be a few more weeks before it heals completely. My lower back is also hurting and I’m not sure why. Homework this week: two more chapters of pathology, treat your own back by robin McKenzie and gym class, minus squats and lunges.

Two more chapters done in pathology. Not too bad this time. Ten to go. Emma, why did you choose pathology if it grosses you out so much? The title of the book is « basic musculoskeletal imaging ». Where does it say anything about pathology? Nowhere, that’s where. Aaagh! I thought it would be a good review of positioning, was not expecting pathology. Otherwise a lazy day off. Laundry, homework and not much else actually.

« derp machine »

Thank you for your kind words Séverine, but I will so remember that rejected image. I remember ALL my rejected images. This is the first in a very very long time, where it actually was my fault and I should have repeated it before I left. The other rejections were because the patient was uncooperative or combative or had severe muscle contractions and I just couldn’t get a decent image no matter what I did. Fortunately, this was not a life or death thing for the patient, and the delay to have it repeated and corrected was not a huge deal. I won’t get written up or anything, I just feel bad about screwing up so badly. Medical field has much higher expectations for perfection than your average career. I have a month to do that performance review so I’m going to wait awhile and do it when this memory isn’t so fresh. Everything will be okay.

CEs still not done. Don’t wanna do pathology. That stuff is gross. Gym today. Cable machine. Increased the weights from last time. Diversity sucks. Had patient last night who spoke no English. Okay. Any family available to translate? No, no family at all. Okay. Google translate can save the day. What language does she speak? No one in the entire building knows what language she speaks. Okay. Google translate can’t help. Communication? Impossible. And this is in the San Francisco Bay Area, a very diverse area. And no one could even identify her language. Diversity sucks.

Just got word that one of my images was rejected. I knew it was on the edge but I honestly thought it would be ok. Nope. So now someone will have to repeat it tomorrow and I feel bad about that. Even better, tomorrow we are supposed to do our self performance reviews. Sigh

Gym today. I am falling in love with the cable machine. It’s easy to use and fun. Taking it very easy, though. Blood sugar has been better, possibly, probably the new meds. Which are actually for blood pressure and heart but have the side effect of lowering blood sugar. I can live with that side effect. Tomorrow is homework day. CEs need to be done.

Thank you Tank.

Food issues: Habit. Being poor in the past and eating lots of carbs, couldn’t afford much meat. Having a hard time figuring out what a healthy diet is and how to make myself do it. Lazy. Not wanting to take the time and effort to cook and clean up. Abuse. Past. The fatter I got, the less attention my (ex) husband paid to me, and that was a very good thing. Hunger. Past. My mother did not believe in dessert, snacks or second helpings and was a health food nut. At the end of high school I weighed 115 pounds, severely underweight for my height. I was constantly hungry. So my head knows all this, but my inner child isn’t really on board with the whole discipline and deprivation and healthy diet stuff. Now that I have enough money for food I want to eat all the things! No more deprivation!

Follow up went well. Cardiologist changed meds and okayed exercise but watch the intensity. I promptly went to the gym and overdid it. Ahem. But I’m fine. Not going to do it consistently though. BACON sadly did not help breakfast much. Sausage seems to but I don’t know anymore. severine, thank you for your kind words. They help. You would think that seeing those folks in the nursing homes, many of whom are there solely because they haven’t taken care of their bodies and health, would be motivation for getting my act together, but it is still a huge struggle for me, especially diet.

I have refrozen food a few times. I figure as long as it stayed cold in the fridge it was okay. And I’m still kicking.

CGM breakfast yesterday was in red zone again. Rest of day in green. Tried having very low carb snack last night, low carb breakfast this morning is still in red zone. Going back over food log, the days I had BACON and eggs, my blood sugar was good. I have been eating very light breakfast, maybe I’ll try BACON and eggs tomorrow. Went to gym and played with cable machine. Today really tired, back to bed soon. Work was okay, weather beautiful. Tomorrow follow up with cardiologist.

So yesterday did breakfast according to the glucose revolution. Red zone. Done with book. Was tired when I woke up and went back to sleep instead of gym. Had a difficult time with nasty mean patient who said I was incompetent. Was angry and bought a sandwich (planned) and chips (unplanned) to crunch away my anger. Double yikes red zone. Really need to find a different way. So yesterday was a double fail. Pbbt.

Yesterday 15 minutes on elliptical. Hips were sore from day before. Today bike instead. CGM fail. I thought I had this figured out, apparently not. Homework for this week. Glucose Revolution and Musculoskeletal Imaging for CEs. The latter book is not what I expected and I can only handle one or two chapters at a time. It’s about pathology. I’m going ew, oh my god, nonono , that’s just… and then slamming it closed. Only so much of that I can handle at one time. I have a lot less tolerance for grossness and violence these days. A legacy, I suspect, of my pandemic experiences.

Sister says voice teacher is often late with emails. So give it a few more days. 20 minutes on the elliptical keeping HR low. CGM. Yikes. Epic fail today. Must re-evaluate and figure out what went wrong. Worked six hours. Tired but heart is steady.

I emailed voice teacher on Monday asking for an appointment. I have not heard anything back. Getting pretty depressed. I know I need to get the piece into the hands of this certain person in order to get my dream performance but I cannot send it in cold. He has to request that I submit it. If he doesn’t make the request the piece will just be sent right back to me, unopened. Has to do with copyright laws and lawsuit avoidance. Anyway, I don’t know anyone else who might be willing to help with that. And she isn’t even replying. Poop. Back to work tomorrow, half shift. Feeling okay physically.

Yesterday 20 minutes on treadmill trying to listen to podcasts. A couple of old guys talking loudly interfered so am looking for Bluetooth headphones. CGM fail. Three cookies at lunch. My favorites. i am consistently hungry shortly after breakfast. Need to find some calories that are not carb.

Changed my guild to warrior since I’m doing weight lifting and I am a healthcare warrior. yesterday: CGM 4 points into red zone for 45 minutes. A- Exercise not scheduled today: 20 minutes on treadmill, increase of 5 minutes over last session (doctors orders) Found some podcasts and you tube to listen to while on the treadmill Texted with boss. Starting work Friday, half shift Friday and Saturday, no steep hills for a couple more weeks.

I blame video games, e.g. Mario brothers (1981). Before that kids were more likely to be playing outside, with other kids or with physical toys. (Mom of two boys, born 1983 and 1989. I severely restricted access to video games and tv and computers)

Just had vidéo visit with physician assistant. Am cleared for exercise, including weight lifting, but start at about 1/3 and increase as tolerated. Am off work till Sunday.

I was born with a wonky heart. All my life I have known that Someday Something Would Have to be Done. Someday was last week.I had a cardiac ablation. This is a procedure where they put wires inside my heart and kill the nerves that are sending out signals that make my heart beat irregularly. The procedure went well. My heart will be healing for the next three months ( they put some holes in my heart to get the wires in place, yikes) and the procedure won’t be considered a success until I have gone three months without any irregular heart rate episodes. I am currently still on medical leave and restricted activity. I will probably be cleared by the end of the week to go back to work and my regular routines except for exercise. I will have to build up gradually to my former fitness level (ha!) The little bit of exercise I was doing got dumped by the wayside during the pandemic. I am an xray tech. I was wearing the isolation gowns made from garbage bags and re-using PPE that was meant for single use and holding hands with dead people (this was not part of the job description!). Some people went the “oh my god I need to get healthy” route, I went the comfort food route instead. And that (along with the stress) probably helped get me to Someday a lot faster. What I Have Been Learning: Multiple ER visits and surgery has meant lots of lab work being done. I am able to access all those lab results and have learned a lot. My magnesium was testing low on multiple ER visits. Mg does affect one’s heart so I started taking Mg citrate supplement. On a more recent blood test my Mg level was up in the green zone. Yayi MCHC levels were low on one of the tests. This was not usual for me. When I looked it up one of the causes could be anemia. When I checked my food log I saw that I had been eating much less red meat than I usually do. So I increased the red meat to daily and on the next test MCHC was up. I have long suspected that I tend to be anemic and need more red meat (as much as I don’t want to eat animals and would prefer to be vegetarian) and now I have scientific proof. Sigh. Continuous glucose monitor has been Very Helpful. I have learned that I can not have any carbs at breakfast. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch. I can have carbs (and dessert!) at lunch. I had been having a snack before work and then a meal halfway through my shift (3:30 to midnight), around 8-9 pm. My blood sugar does much better if I skip the snack, have an early dinner (before 6 pm) and do trail mix, protein bar or popcorn if I’m hungry later. Goals for the Challenge: 1. Keep the glucose monitor in the green zone. This is happening more often so let’s keep it up. Achieving this also means planning my meals. 2. Go to the gym three times a week. This means working out a safe exercise plan. Fortunately one of my secret weapons is my son’s fiancée, a recently graduated physical therapist. I am going to ask her to help with a plan. 3. Email M, a local voice teacher and Very Nice Person, and ask for appointment to go over the piece I wrote, Murder of Innocents, about mass shootings. I have been saying I need to finish this one other section (about the Uvalde massacre) first, but that is just procrastinating. Just show her what I’ve got. She knows the people who can make a performance happen and can steer me toward them (or not). I truly believe this piece needs to be performed, but I’m biased. I trust her to tell me truth about the piece and to let me down gently if needed. Okay then, I am off to send some emails and plan tomorrow’s food. I did go to the gym today and did 15 minutes on the treadmill, all I’m allowed right now, just to get in the habit of going to the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And there was

The mother of my oldest sons wife stopped by last night. She brought one chicken, a flat of eggs, four box salads, berries, a package of deli turkey and eight cans of soup. But wait, there’s more! She also brought a nightgown, robe and slippers. ! I am unaccustomed to generosity of any kind, let alone this level. ! Mind blown. She didn’t stay long because she had one more stop for dropping off gifts. Apparently this is just what she likes to do. Need to find a beautiful thank you card now.

So the doctor called my son and brother yesterday and told them the procedure had gone well. Son told me today. Ha. Doctors. So now I know the procedure did go well. It won’t be considered successful for three more months when the healing is done and if I don’t go into the irregular heartbeat anymore.

Procedure done still breathing not really sure yet how it went, might not know for awhile