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Emma

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Posts posted by Emma

  1. I thought about you last night, flea.

    I was told the patient only spoke Arabic and I thought, man I wish flea was here, she could translate. :)  I googled xray in Arabic . Patient was not very alert so I have no idea if she understood what I was saying. I now know how to say  xray in quite a few languages. (Honestly, in most languages it’s just “xray”.) 

    • Like 1
  2. I have been told by my doctor and my priest that I might have a bit too much empathy.  I thought I was just born that way, but walking on eggshells makes perfect sense. I had to be  hyper tuned in to others to avoid blowups and I thought, still think, I need to solve other people’s problems to keep things calm.

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  3. Talk with Fr Stephen went well. I played him the song I had written about the Uvalde  shooting. He mentioned me having a lot of empathy, something my doctor has also said, and I remembered what Tank said about having too much empathy. If one has too much empathy, and apparently I do, one is supposed to set up boundaries around oneself. This is a huge problem for me, so what I did was reverse it and tell myself that having too much empathy is not respectful of other people’s boundaries. So far that idea is helping. I have been able to keep my own boundaries open, not shut myself off, but maintain some distance emotionally, and not get sucked too far into other people’s pain. 

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  4. Doing better lately. Had a lot of “windshield time” and did some crying and thinking. I think a lot of my depression lately is a kind of survivors guilt. That I shouldn’t be having a good life when so many others don’t. 
     Have to call the plumber soon about a leaking faucet so I really have to finish cleaning my place up.

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  5. In other news, my eyes are okay, they didn’t put me in the hospital for that new med, I am doing well with it.

    Covid cases are up in the area three nursing homes are in out break status, one in which everyone in the building tested positive and the Sunday morning guy was pulled and put onto another shift so I am covering am and pm shifts on  Sundays.

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  6. Lately all I’m doing is watching dvds and reading trashy novels. I was getting excited about picking up an old hobby, target shooting, and then Uvalde happened and all my shooting gear is packed up again. I threw out the radio awhile ago so I couldn’t listen to the news but that one was impossible to avoid. I started doing a deep clean a few weeks ago and haven’t done anything since. There are boxes all over the living room and I just walk around them. Don’t even try to get them out of my way. I am going to work, keeping up with the laundry, staying a little bit ahead of the health department cleanliness wise and that’s it folks. I did find a therapist with openings but she charged $600 for the first hour and $400 an hour after that, no insurance. Supply and demand I guess. Chatted with the suicide hot line a couple of times, but they’re not really all that helpful to me these days. Man, I would be in really bad shape without the anti depressants.

    oh well, going to bed to cry myself to sleep.

    • Sad 1
  7. 2 hours ago, fleaball said:

    hahahahahahaha I went on Reddit to check something Pokémon related since I can’t sleep and the top hundred fucking threads are about how Roe v Wade is going to be overturned. Definitely not fucking sleeping now. What a goddamn fucking joke this country is. 

    Yeah. It is so discouraging. We're going backwards instead of forward. 

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  8. I was leaving for work yesterday when the neighbor’s puppy charged me again. Came straight at me, barking her head off, dragging her leash, neighbor running after her. I was a bit worried but just held still. She jumped on me (with muddy paws) and slobbered on my scrubs while giving me enthusiastic puppy kisses. :) I think we might be friends now. 

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  9. Crap.

    I am tapered off the cymbalta and my vision is worse. Trying to get hold of my ophthalmologist. Remembered he changed the dosage on one of my eye drops. That might be it.

    Had another episode of a fib after moving furniture. Excessive physical exertion can bring on a fib so I didn’t worry about it but emailed my cardiologist anyway because he said he wanted to know. Crap. Now he wants another ekg, even though I am back in rhythm and wants to start another new heart med. Looked up the new med and according to Mayo Clinic they will check me into the hospital for a few days to make sure I don’t die from the stuff. I’m just pissed now.

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  10. Spoke with L at work. Rejected images pass through his hands. Yes, lately I have had a higher reject rate than the other techs. Sob.

     

    Vision is getting better. The exact same thing happened a few years ago when I was taking a new med. I quit the new med and vision went back to normal. I was sure the new med was responsible for my vision changes this time too.The new med must be tapered off, not quit cold turkey, which is why I bothered to email my MD. I told her about the last time these vision changes happened and asked for taper off instructions. Which I did not get. Instead I was told to go to ED. I am a good girl, so I did as I was told.  I am now being rebellious and stubborn. I just guessed at the taper off rate and went for it. MD is not going to be happy. Tough.

     

    The Rise in Fentanyl Use. 

    Found an article in the newspaper that answered my question. Why is fentanyl everywhere these days? Fentanyl is cheap. Really cheap. It is 50 times stronger than heroin and 100 times stronger that morphine. Dealers are cutting other drugs- heroin,  cocaine and more-with fentanyl because fentanyl is so cheap. Fentanyl is now found in 90% of street drugs. Fentanyl is so powerful even a tiny miscalculation in the amount used in the cutting can result in a fatal dose. I told my kids that the illegal drugs haven’t been studied much and using them is just turning your body into a chemistry experiment. Now more so than ever. Fatal overdoses in 2019 were 11 times higher than 2013. (Overdosing by just touching the stuff is a myth.)

     

    COVID

    Discussion of what endemic will look like.

    Scientists say we are still in the acute phase of the pandemic, i.e. the fat lady ain’t sung yet, even though the politicians are telling us the opera’s over and the curtain’s gone down. The Spanish Flu, according to the internet lasted two years. However, in reality it took a total of eight years to completely run its course and become endemic.

    Scientific definition of endemic disease is a “disease with a constant predictable or expected presence”. That’s NOT the same thing as getting milder like a cold or flu, which is what the public seems to think. HIV, malaria, tuberculosis, syphilis, hepatitis are all endemic in the US. These are not mild diseases, but we can predict their behavior and thus take steps to avoid them. Avoid exposure, and get tested when you are exposed so you can start treatment quickly.

    There are a few scientists who are convinced Covid will fade and we will develop immunity just like the cold or flu. Most  scientists, however, are saying we just don’t know yet. The Covid mutations are random and could easily develop more severe variations that can sidestep our vaccines. My recommendation is to keep a very close eye on the cases in your area and slap on that n95 if you see them even start to rise. Although if you see cases start to rise, it’s probably too late already. If you are high risk, just keep the mask on. Me, I am neurotic and insecure and still being exposed to Covid on a regular basis. My mask is on and I am avoiding crowds. Still. Sigh.

    • Like 4
  11. Rant ahead.

    Had a crappy week.

    Two cases on Sunday. Forty minutes with IT, who asked when my new computer was arriving. I’ve been begging for a new computer for months. No computer is forthcoming. Crap.

    Four cases on Monday. Only did two of them. Got stuck in rush hour traffic. And then behind not one, not two, but THREE separate accidents in different areas. And the one case I drove an hour and a half to get to, one way, I couldn’t get a diagnostic image. Crap.

    Yesterday I emailed my primary care doctor about a vision problem. I got a phone call from her assistant telling me to go to the ER. Well, there went my New Year’s resolution to stay out of the ER this year. Spent the entire day there. Brain ct to rule out stroke and then waited more to be told we don’t know what’s going on, get out of here. Got home from work to find email from primary doctor saying IF it gets WORSE go to ER!!! Damn stupid assistant left out the IF it gets WORSE part. Crap.

    Got  up this morning (my day off) to find an email that one set of images I took last night had been rejected by the radiologist. Second time the past couple of weeks. This is an unusually high amount of rejects, even for this job. I have been complaining about my equipment for months. My plate is old and has been giving me weird  and poor images for months. But when I complain the answer is always “well, let me know if it happens again.” I used to think it was budget, but now I wonder if I’m being set up to be fired.

    Crap, crap, crap, crap.

    • Sad 3
  12. 1. People from functional families haven’t got a clue what it’s like to be in a dysfunctional  one. Ignore the trolls. They know not whereof they speak.

    2. It is totally okay, nay, necessary, to sit on the sofa all day when that is what you need to do.  That is not being weak, that is taking care of your mental health.

    3. 66 pts? Please tell me you’re not doing bedside nursing. That is unsafe.

    • Like 4
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