Certified Wong Buggalo

Hey guys, I'm sorry about this but I'm going to need take a break from NF for a while. I'm incredibly overwhelmed and confused right now and I think taking a break will simplify my life a bit while I try to sort things out. I'll be back once I have my shit together again. Thanks for your understanding.

Thursday, October 3, 2013 Veggies: Totally nailed it with stir-fried cabbage for lunch. Then coconut chicken and corn on the cob for dinner. Mmmm. = A+ Steps: My first full day with my new tracker, and I think it went pretty well. I got my morning steps in and 11,000 for the day. = A Job: I didn't work on job stuff, but I hesitate to give myself a failing grade, because I was productive in a lot of other ways, including finally getting out to the eye doctor. I am now wearing contacts again! I tried glasses for a year and it just didn't work. I am still getting used to the contacts though. We'll compromise. I'll give myself a C. Grade for day = A- WOD: My Coach did not actually assign me a workout yesterday, because he forgot to send it to me. Rest day. I did, however, finally get around to finishing my kite. It was kind of horrible. I made it with sticks from the backyard and scrap cloth, rubber bands, and ribbon. I have no idea if it's going to fly, there hasn't been any wind out here lately. I've actually been more sore this week than I was during that crazy week last week. I'm still sore today even after a rest day. Today's workout will more than make up for not having one yesterday, and then Saturday I am not only pushing my car, but pulling it too. So, it looks like I have more soreness in my future. Mood wise, I'm hanging in there. I should probably not focus too much on my mood and just work on things that need to get done today. One thing at a time.

Holy shit, they DO have a tumbleweed smiley. Wow. If anyone could find it, kiwi, it would be you. I'm curious, what attitude do you mean? I always thought Sparkers were nicer than average, and I like that they rarely have flame wars. I don't know if I've ever seen one. Well, I am alive. I've been feelin' kinda down today. Better than I felt a few days ago, though. Last night, I ended up eating at Qdoba, which I thought was probably pretty reasonable in terms of nutrition. I was so hungry though I scarfed down an entire burrito, which turned out to be like 1200 calories! I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. The one thing that makes sense is the fitness. As for weight loss, I don't know if I want to lose any more weight or not, The ''Obesity Myth'' book was interesting, but it was also depressing, in the sense that it made me wonder if I'm doing all this for nothing. These are the kinds of thoughts depressed people have. I'll live.

Thanks everybody for your support. I'm back. I'm still feeling discouraged, but I've definitely been more productive, and that's usually a good sign.

Jodi, I just read your beautiful story. I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain, but look! You came out stronger on the other side! Now you are running! We are all really proud of you.

Great job on your goals, monkey! I like your cheat day idea, having to eat your vegetables first! Motivation!

I think you did great! Way to knock out those veggies!

brader, buddy, how's it going? Any luck with your challenge goals?

My husband went through something similar, with the depressed person being me. At certain points in our relationship, he was taking care of me but not himself. There are times he was like my 24/7 emergency on call person. One thing he learned to do is reach out to other people who were open to hearing what he was going through. Just talking about it helped. He had to come to accept the fact that he cannot fix me, and also that he is not my therapist. He is still very supportive but he has learned to enjoy himself even when I am down. And honestly, that's what I want. I'm sure your husband does not want his depression to hurt you too. You can help him and support him, encourage him to do things he usually enjoys, model what it's like to be healthy, and give him lots of hugs and kisses, but ultimately it all rests in his hands. Make sure you take care of YOU!

Monday, October 1st, 2013 Veggies: Getting back on track. Salads galore today. = A Steps: Done = A Job: Nothing. I was feeling so depressed I did nothing. = F C for the day. WOD -40 flutter kicks for time -40 squats for TQ (technique) -40 shoulder presses with medball for time -40 dead lifts for TQ -40 step back lunges for time At least I had a solid workout. Tuesday, October 2nd, 2013 Veggies: Squash and pumpkin soup. Yes it was awesome. = A Steps: Done = A Job: I got in 30 minutes, which is an improvement. Things went downhill when I saw a recent posting for the awesome job I didn't get. Wonderful to know they not only didn't want me, they didn't even want me as a last resort. = C A- for the day. WOD: 100 chest to deck pushups, for time. (PR max push-ups in a day!) My time was 16:20 At least my workouts have been good. I was very proud doing 100 push ups, that's a big mile stone. I started out in sets of 5 but by the end I could only do one at a time. So yeah, it's been rough times for me, I don't know how else to put it. Since I ate junk food this weekend, it must have awakened my old junk-food craving receptors because in addition to depression, I had crazy cravings. Rather than looking for work I slept a lot and zombified myself with the internet. All completely unfulfilling, but it seemed better than consciousness. I talked to my Coach while I was in craving mode, told him I really just wanted to give up. He said, ''Addiction's a bitch. Do it if you need to, but know it's going to make things worse not better.'' And I was all like, ''Well of course I don't NEED to. Nobody NEEDS cookies.'' That helped me reframe my thoughts differently. He was a good support. To get through the day I decided to stop tracking my food for one day and allow myself unlimited anything, as long as it was whole food already in my house. I actually didn't even end up eating that much, but it relieved the pressure. The cravings seem to have lessened somewhat over the past few days. Now that I am back to eating veggies like a good girl. This is neither here nor there, but I've been somewhat frustrated with my Fitbit lately since I switched over to Spark People's webpage. I've been using Spark People for years and prefer their software and nutrition tracker to Fitbit's software (even though it is quite good), but the Fitbit integration with Spark People isn't very good, it way overestimates calories burned which pretty much makes it useless. Well, yesterday I found out, Spark People just released its own activity tracker! It has some advantages over the Fitbit in that it can recognize when you're running vs. walking, or stationary cycling, or just strolling around the house/housework, and adjusts calories accordingly. I AM SO EXCITED. It should arrive in the mail today. It's dumb how excited I am about this. Hopefully the Spark activity tracker will live up to my greatest hopes. I'm kind of a technophile. I like to have the latest versions of things. I'm reading a book called ''The Obesity Myth'' that says fat, active people are just as healthy as average sized, active people, and underweight people have the highest mortality rates of all. Yo-yo dieting, says the book, is more unhealthy than just remaining fat. It's better to be 75 pounds overweight than 5 pounds underweight. He spends a lot of time attacking the methodology and/or conclusions of the largest studies that claim obesity is, in and of itself, a problem. There's also a fairly extensive critique of social values, linking fat discrimination to class and race discrimination. Some of it is a little farfetched, but it's definitely an interesting, well-researched book. I've long suspected that obesity is a symptom of unhealthy behaviors more than an illness in and of itself. Since I've been hitting a weight-loss plateau I've been thinking about this. The author of ''The Obesity Myth'' is far from the only expert who believes the emphasis on weight loss vs. healthy lifestyle behaviors is problematic. The healthy behaviors should be ends in themselves. Now that I can believe. I think our culture's obsession with weight loss - often at any cost - is unhealthy. It would be nice if, instead of ''Lose 40 pounds in 40 days!'' we saw a headline that said, ''Eat leafy green vegetables!'' Yeah like that will ever happen. But at least I can be aware of the messages society sends about weight loss, particularly to women. It really is over the top. By BMI standards I am overweight, but frankly I like my body. The main reason I want to get thin is so I can do more active things better. I always feel so insulted by those ads that tell me I should be able to fit in my skinny jeans. I don't even wear jeans LOL I guess that's something you stop caring about once you're happily married and get older, and honestly I was never too concerned about being attractive anyway. I'm not saying I have no issues - I think every woman has body image issues - but I don't think mine are as bad as the average person. It has taken me quite a while to get to this point, and I'd say becoming physically fit is a major factor - not how my body looks but how it feels - how much better I feel. Ramble, ramble. Ramble. Do they have a tumbleweed smiley?

I haven't forgotten about posting group results. I feel like i am drowning right now. Depression is very difficult to combat today.

Saturday September 29, 2013 Veggies: Not so hot with this one. Actually my eating was not great yesterday. But I did have spinach and a carrot. So C. My other goals are all automatic As though. Final Grade = A- WOD: 5 mile hike with picnic lunch Okay, so the truth of the matter is that yesterday I felt like utter crap. I really did not expect to feel so terrible just for eating some pizza and cake the night before and staying up until midnight, but wow, you would have thought I was out on an all-night bender for how I felt the next day. It was really a grueling day, depression was severe, it took me hours and hours before I managed to make the picnic lunch and get out the door for my hike, by then we were racing against the sunset. And because I wasn't eating consistently (because I felt sick) I just felt worse and worse as the day wore on. So around mile 3 it was almost dark and I was feeling really faint so we decided to call it a night. I just ate fruit at the picnic, not the main dish (3 bean quinoa salad.) God, what a shit day. I am no longer frightened in the least of having a serious backslide and regaining all the weight. To eat like I used to is so unpleasant that it feels like I'm just injecting myself with poison. Really pointless and not at all pleasurable. Which is not to say I don't still enjoy the occasional treat, but there's no way I can sustain that kind of eating as a regular habit. It's like I can feel the cells in my body screaming out in agony. Sunday, September 30th 2013 Veggies: Started the day with my raspberry protein smoothie, at lunch I had a spinach tomato and avocado salad. So I covered all my bases today. A Automatic As for the other goals. Had a very enjoyable nice long walk listening to Radiolab podcasts. I <3 Radiolab. Final Grade = A. WOD: 40 step back lunges 40 weighted high knees 40 calf raises Design, build and fly a kite. Doing better today. I slept the sleep of the dead - 12 hours last night, then I got up, had my smoothie and promptly fell asleep on the couch. After I woke up I felt like I had it in me to get to work. I did some cleaning, did my WOD (did the lunges with no rest, yay!) went on a long walk and started to attempt this kite thing. Um, that's going to be a work in progress. I found some scrap cloth from my cross stitch drawer and collected sticks for the frame. The wind is a whopping 4mph today, so I wouldn't be able to fly it anyway. WEEK 2 IN REVIEW A, A, A, A-, A, A, A = A. Did much better, overall, then I did the week before. Learned some important lessons about poisoning myself. Maintained my weight. All in all I'm pretty satisfied.

Friday, September 28th, 2013 Yesterday was productive. I went to a birthday party last night and was scrambling around to get everything done before I attended. Veggies: I tried making a smoothie the night before and putting it in the refrigerator for the morning, mostly so I don't wake up my neighbors in the morning with my Nutribullet blender (my neighbor's bedroom is right on the other side of the kitchen wall.) It tasted gross! So I've just decided to move the blender into my meditation room, it's kind of weird but it should take care of the noise concern, and I will just make them fresh in the morning. I think I only got the equivalent of maybe three vegetables yesterday so I'm giving myself an A-. Steps: Success! Not only did I get in my 3,000 steps before 10am, I also got my 10,000 steps total. A. Job: I was hoping to hear back yesterday from the temp job people, and I didn't, but I haven't given up hope quite yet. I did an hour of professional development reading a very helpful book about winning foundation grants. A Grade for the day: A WOD: 30 minutes of yoga 30 ball slams (new, heavier slam ball) 30 minutes yoga Write a list of 30 things I'm grateful for That all went quite well. I was so pumped to use my new 12lb slam ball, and I wore my new, ''I Ain't Mad Bro, I'm Just Doin' Ball Slams'' t-shirt. I really like the color (pink.) So I went to a birthday party last night. Turns out one of Dom's colleagues just moved into our apartment complex, we are literally 30 feet from their door, so new friends I hope? I played Cards Against Humanity for the first time, that was pretty awesome. There was pizza and junk food, and since I haven't had a treat in a while my plan was to just not make myself sick but otherwise enjoy the food. So I ate pizza, soda, and cake. Thing is, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I expected it to be. Soda used to be my favorite thing ever, and it just tasted way too sickly sweet. Now, usually what I do for my weekly treat is get frozen yogurt or ice cream, and that is usually very satisfying. So I guess I'm learning that some foods just aren't worth it to splurge on. Today my WOD is a 5 mile hike with a picnic lunch, so once Dom gets back from the grocery store and I finish preparing our lunch, we are off to hiking! I love hiking. I was up til midnight last night though and I feel so damned hung over even though I never drank anything. It's hard to get up and moving this morning. This must be what getting older feels like.

My Coach sent me this today. He said, ''My buddy posted a picture of you.''

You may not have done ''enough'' but you're making progress little by little every day. Another suggestion for cat hairballs is getting him a good brush. If you pull all the dead hair out before he can lick it, it should cut down on his hairballs. Personally I love the minimalist route. Early this year I went through our house and ended up getting rid of approximately 50% of the stuff we own. It makes cleaning so much easier. The house is overdue for another cleansing, though.