Shan

Yes, I fell behind, faded away, convinced myself that nothing is worth salvaging. Then, I dunno what, but something spurred me. Maybe it was the memory of actually improving. Maybe it was replaying Mirror's Edge and remembering I wanted to be Faith, not just play her. Maybe it was the sexist manager who said I shouldn't fetch something I've fetched several times before because it was heavy and thus "a man's job." Likely the latter. But I refocused on at least eating one healthy meal, on exercising, on getting up and at least trying to improve on something irl everyday, either physically, writing wise, or lifestyle wise. So I guess I'm respawning, thanks to years of counseling and recent medication. I'm getting back in, even if it's just to prove to that manager that he's a sexist asshole.

Whelp, I fell off the wagon. I realize posting on the first day of the new year is cliche, but a lof of things have happened to me, at least, according to me, and it might be nice to state what I can do now as opposed to before, just for the New Year's sake. 1) I'm getting better at guitar. I'm far, far, far from great, but I'm getting better. The new guitar stand I got for Christmas probably means I'll get even better, since it makes my guitar so nice, pretty, obvious, and easy to pick up and strum. 2) When I first found this site, I couldn't do five knee pushups. Now, I can do ten real ones. I need to get back to exercising, but it's amazing the difference that a bit of training made on me. 3) I lost my old job, but thankfully found a new one. The new one does pay about five bucks less an hour and is at the Gilded Arcs, but it's a job, at least, and my phlebotomy classes start next week, leading, I hope, to a better job. At the very least, my immediant management isn't there with the express purpose of getting me fired. It's amazing how much my fear of screwing up must have come from my last job, where most of my "offenses" came from the last two years I worked there, the same amount of time I had my new manager. 4) I have my family, a place to live, my friends, and my cat. They might be at varying distances, but I need to work to remember they all love me and want me around. 5) I wonder if part of my problems is low blood sugar. I realize that shouldn't be listed as "a thing to be thankful for," but it explains a lot of instances where I feel lost, panicked, helpless, tired, agitatied, irritated, angry, and upset at existance...only to feel better once I get something to eat. I probably should have realized this sooner, but this isn't something I've truly thought of beyond, "If I'm cranky, I probably need to eat," but a CPR/First Aid class I took stuck that thought in my brain that this might be part of my mood issues. I'll need to get tested to prove this hypothesis, but I've been trying out eating a fun sized candy bite every few hours to keep up my sugar level. Not the healthiest, but it's hard to find a high energy snack that hides in the pocket well that isn't candy. So yeah, I'm going to try to get at least back into the groove of exercising again. Drinking is still a problem, to be honest, and I know it is, but telling myself I won't drink doesn't work, either. I wish I had money to see a psychiatrist and test out a multitude of drugs instead, but I don't, not on a Gilded Arc's salary. Note to self, buy more bags of microwave veggies. That, with some soboro ground beef or an egg, is a delicious and amazingly filling meal. Best of all, it's easy and pretty cheap. EDIT: Oh, huh, I guess this is technically posted on January 2nd. My bad.

August 15 Goal 1: - Goal 2: A. Made a fantastic meal out of veggies and the like I got at a farmer's market I found. Spaghetti squash is weird and delicious. Goal 3: D -__- There ends that attempt at a streak. August 16 Goal 1: A. Finally got back on the wagon and started strength training again. Discovered I needed to make up some ground, but I'm still far better than the first time I attempted it. I even had to increase the weight for my dumbbell rows because the eight pound weight I've been using is too light. Even the fact I can do ten knee pushups in a row even on my second circuit when I couldn't manage it on the first circuit the first day. It's weird all the little ways that doing things are suddenly...easier. Goal 2: C. I'm sorry. Sandwiches are my weakness. It was chock full of veggies, though, so there's that? Goal 3: C

August 14 Goal 1: C Goal 2: C Just had tomato sandwiches all day. Hard to do otherwise when they're ripening. Goal 3: C

Thanks for the encouragement, Waldgeist. Just don't expect many A's in that goal for awhile. August 11 Goal 1: - Goal 2: D Goal 3: D August 12 Goal 1: D Goal 2: D Goal 3: A+ ....yeah, derped for a while there... August 13 Day's technically not done, but here we go. Goal 1: -, though I did walk 12,000 steps since I was at work, and my shopping for heavier weights since that milk jug isn't cutting it for my arms resulted in my doing a lot of arm weight exercises. I also kept doing squats and wall push-ups at work. Guess I missed working out. Goal 2: B? C? Is tofu Paleo? I had tofu veggie kabobs. It's at least healthy. Goal 3: C

August 10 Goal 1: A. My tendonitis is starting to flare up, so I'm down to walking, not running. Goal 2: B, though since it was a restaurant meal, that was pretty good. Couldn't help the bourbon glaze on the salmon, but I could order veggies and sweet potato fries and escew the dinner roll to make it pretty close to paleo. It's a fun challenge to stay paleo while dining out. Goal 3: D -____- I was doing really well up until bedtime, then I had a drink, then some sake, then I'm waking up with a hangover. Proabaly should have picked an easier goal.

Thanks, Sylphrena, I'll try, and I'm already feeling a difference, if only because the workout this week was easier than last week's first time. Not that much easier, but I could tell.

I'm basing the format of this on other entries, and I'm assuming that I start by creating my own topic. If this is out of place, I apologize. Call me Shan. I have a wide variety of issues, oddly enough all of them potentially helped by exercise. I've tried off and on over the years to get in better shape, aquiring an electic collection of equipment and books and escuing more expensive/elaborate methods. Mostly, I didn't have a consitant direction or plan. I knew various exercises and techniques, but not how to put them in motion. Then I found Nerd Fitness through Art of Manliness. Suddenly, I had fitness and health laid out in a way that appeals to me, an analytical nerd, rather than just someone "trying to work out." I had the motivations for them laid out in fun ways (Lord of the Rings, the Avengers, the Matrix, etc.) and beginning plans for what to do to get started, beginning with having a goddamn battleplan. So now I'm here, and here are three goals I plan to focus on for now to get started on preparing for the zombie apocalypse. Goal One: Do the Beginner's Bodyweight Circuit Every Other Day I actually started this last Thursday, and managed to keep up with it thus far. The only issue is how horribly weak my thighs turned out to be. Two days ago, I had to omit the lunges and squats in the ciruit because of the pain in my thighs, and today I cut them in half because they're finally beginning to feel better, but are still overly sore. In between, I'll attempt to run at least two miles, but my focus will be on strengthing my muscles for now. Grades (calculated over two days) A+: Did the bodyweight circuit and ran two miles. Way to go! A: Did the bodyweight circuit and took a walk. Not as good, but did my strength training and continued the habit of getting off my butt. Awesome. B: Did the bodyweight ciruit, but didn't walk or run, though I kept active in other ways such as housework. At least we're still getting that strength training done. C: Didn't do the bodyweight circuit but walked or ran. Starting to fall behind. Better get back on the horse. D: Didn't do the bodyweight circuit, run, or walk, but kept active in other ways. At least I'm getting off my butt? F: Did nothing. That's bad. There's gonna be leeway in my grading for potential injuries, sickness, and understanding if I don't run but I do get major cardio in another way, but I think this works Goal Two: Eat One Paleo Meal a Day Going full paleo right off the the bat is way more than I'm open to doing, and I have a lot of non paleo food I do not feel good just throwing out considering my budget. However, I can work on incorporating it more in my diet, since it makes sense to me, I hate calorie counting, and losing weight is a goal of mine. Grading (on a daily basis) A+: Ate full paleo all day. LIKE A CAVEMAN! D:< A: Ate one pure paleo meal. Awesome cooking, bro. B: Ate one paleo meal, but... I cheated a bit. Adding mustard to the ham wrap. Putting a bit of sugar in the eggs. Had a slice of toast on the side. Doing better than my usual diet, though. C: Didn't manage a pure paleo meal, but set out to incorporate more paleo in my dining choices. Used a lettuce wrap instead of a bun. Chose sweet potato instead of regular potato fries. Ate toast with peanut butter rather than with jelly or butter. I'm eating better, even if it's just a little at a time. D: Tried to make better choices, but... There was baklava at the office. Lunch at work was late and all I wanted was a goddamn chicken salad sandwich. OH GOD I WANT COOKIES NOW. We all fall off the wagon sometimes. Just need to make sure to hop back on. F: Pure debauchery. Nothing but cookies and cake all day. -___- Well, there's always tomorrow. Goal Three: Drink One Alcoholic Beverage a Day I tend to drink too much, and if I wanna get healtheir, cutting it down needs to be a part of it. Of course, going cold turkey is possibly the worst plan, as my brain would rebel by having me drink all the things, so we're gonna baby step it. Grading (on a daily basis, previous day's score used) A+: Had zero drinks. Fantastic. A: Had one drink. Great job! B: Had two drinks (beer). Oops, went for a refill, but stopped after that, which is good. C: Had two drinks (cocktail). I know that mojito was delicious, but I need to stick to one next time. D: Woke up with a hangover. Yeah, I overdid it last night, and now I feel like crap. This is why I need to cut down, and don't think I'm off the hook for exercising today. ):< F: Total control failure. I can't say how much I drank, because I can't remember. I don't even remember getting in bed. And is that...oh, oh, god. At least I got most of it in the trashcan. I really hope I didn't call anyone. ;-; This is my list, and I have no idea how often I'm going to update it. I'm horrible at remembering to do things like check my email. For today, August 9, I went through the bodyweight circuit, so I'm on track for an A on goal one. For lunch I got a B for goal one, since I put ketchup on my omelet. I'll try to pull it up to an A at suppertime. I would have a C on goal three, but I woke up with a slight hangover. Not horrible, but I have to dock myself to a C- at most. The drinks were too strong. I need to remember to measure rather than eyeball. So that's it. The person who grew up scared to have a diary because someone might find it has written this out for the entirety of the Internet. Now let's see if I actually hit post rather than delete the whole thing in utter fear.