Anima

Popping in to say hello. I've actually been on the site on and off since about 2013, but more as a touchstone I return to as interest and commitment to get healthy waxes and wanes. Also, I just wanted to say to Illumine that I really appreciate you sharing your story, and I'm glad you're here. I've been through a lot of similar things in life, and struggled with similar issues, so its nice to see somebody with similar experiences, if a little sad because I know it sucks to go through and I wouldn't wish any of it on anybody. And you may or may not be the heaviest person here, but I'm right up there with you. 5'2" and 335 lbs, and I was 345-350 lbs when I first came to this site 2 years ago. Its mostly the things I've learned here, even when I've strayed, that have helped me get down the little bit I have and stay there, and I hope you find the inspiration, information, and support you need too.

Dunno what kind of spices you're into, but I love making big batches of things like curry. They keep well, are a great way to use up whatever meat and veg you have on hand, and kind of like stews, the flavor just gets better over time. Also pot roast, meatloaf makes surprisingly good sandwiches if you do bread and doesn't have to be that high in fat or sugar, and things like scotch eggs (hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage; we bake ours). Another favorite around our house is chuck roast tossed in a slow cooker with thinly sliced rings of onion, a can of coconut milk, and some curry paste or powder; it makes a nice variation on shredded meat that you can later throw in or on whatever you like.

Pumpkin or squash puree works great with almond butter, and I'm guessing it would work with peanut butter too, although the flavor profile will obviously be different. So does just upping the amount of nut butter and adding some unsweetened applesauce, since you're mostly looking to add fiber for structure and some a little natural sweetness. And seconding the coconut flour and nut meal idea, although I'd start with just a little and add more as needed, because that stuff soaks up a lot of liquid. I also like to use a little flax meal in mine. It adds some fiber and acts as a secondary binder, while also adding a tasty nuttiness to the finished product.

Again, I'm American, so I don't know if it'll hold for you, but I over here things like pork roast (shoulder or sometimes loin) tend to be pretty reasonable per pound (or kilo in your case I imagine?), and larger quantities are almost always cheaper in the long run. For instance, a pack of pre-sliced, packaged pork chops may be something like $2.50/lb, but a pork loin will be $1.89/lb. So if I can afford the larger chunk of meat, I buy that, then portion it up into chops myself at home (all you need is a good sharp knife). You can then either eat on that for the week or - my preferred, because I'm less likely to get sick of it - if you have the freezer space, you can split them up into packs of exactly how many you'll usually need to cook at a time, and freeze them for later use. Just put a date on the pack before it goes in the freezer, and try to get as much of the air out of it as possible when you seal it to minimize the chance of freezer burn. Same goes for chicken. I know here, even though drumsticks are the cheapest piece of the bird, buying a pack of just drumsticks costs a little more per pound than just buying a whole chicken and breaking it down myself, but your mileage may vary based on how comfortable you are with a knife and how much time you have to mess with things like that versus what it'll save in the long run. Also, sort of like the sales flyer suggestion above, but I frequently find that shops around here will throw things (especially more expensive things like meat) on sale once it gets to within a few days of its sale by date. You can get a lot of things much more cheaply this way, provided you can either use it within a day or two, or are willing to freeze it or cook it ahead for the next few days. Beyond that, I don't know what your eating habits/health goals are, but I often find that the cheapest cuts of meat are a little fattier than I would prefer. So to eat healthier without breaking the bank, I'll buy fattier cuts of meat, and just trim some of the fat off myself once I get it home; ideally as soon as I get it home, before I even chuck it into the fridge, so that I'm less likely to be lazy about it later, but that's just me. You can stretch more expensive cuts of meat this way, too. Larger steaks or roasts can be divided up into smaller portions (provided you're just feeding a couple of people), and boneless skinless chicken breasts can be butterflied into thinner pieces or cut into strips for things like stir fry and curry. It takes more effort this way, but it can save you a decent amount of money in the long run if you have the time (and patience).

No input from a medical professional yet, although I know I need to. I have to get my insurance squared away first, but I figured it was better to try to do something (even if it was something small) when the urge first struck me, rather than put it off until everything was taken care of and risk loosing the motivation to make the necessary changes at all. And I've read in a couple of places that the fitbit calorie estimates may not be the best, but its convenient because its attached to the step calculator, and I figure ballparks are better than no information and minimizing response effort will keep me moving in the right. I know myself well enough to know that I tend to give up when things are too complicated/difficult to keep up with. So my goal at the moment is to keep things as simple and easy to incorporate into my life as possible until living healthier becomes more of a habit, and then gradually make refinements and improvements to my overall plan/method. Diet-wise we're shooting for mostly paleo-ish. Mostly because its worked for us in the past, and it neatly cuts out several foods that I know I need to curtail consumption of (gluten primarily, but empty calories from excess grain and sugar consumption generally) and encourages eating more un-processed foods, meat, and veg. I say paleo-ish because I'm letting myself keep the little things, like 2 tsp of sugar in one cup of hot tea a day, legumes and dairy occasionally, and some fruit; because while I know they aren't ideal for weight loss, they are important for my mental and emotional well-being right now and better than the processed alternatives I used to turn to. The 1200/day number is very helpful, thank you. I'm generally above that right now, and I'll be sure to keep myself that way as much as possible, but I have gone under in the past. I have a bad habit of getting caught up in what I'm doing and not realizing I need to eat until its too late, or not adjusting my food intake based on activity level. But I also tend to get too bogged down in the minutia of exact calorie counts and precise management of macros when I'm trying to loose weight, until the stress of it causes me to worry so much I basically stop eating and eventually just give up. So at the moment I'm mostly going for broad strokes and gradual introduction of small, manageable lifestyle changes. But its good to have a baseline "do not go below this figure, even if you don't feel hungry" ballpark number as a safety net regardless.

Hey, forgive me if this belongs in nutrition instead of weight loss. I wasn't sure, but since I'm most interested in loosing weight, I figured I'd try here. The basics: hubby and I have recently gotten fitbits as part of our renewed efforts to loose weight and get healthier. I'm aiming for around 1000 calorie a day deficit, and tracking my food via the fitbit app logs. If it's relevant, going in I am 30, 5'2", and approximately 335 lbs. The goal right now is to get to/below 300 somewhat quickly to take pressure off my joints and make it easier to engage in more intense exercise/physical activity. I am tracking my steps and trying to slowly increase my general activity level by walking every day, with the intention to add strength training once I feel I can make the gradual changes I've already put into place really stick. My question is this: is there such a thing as too much of a calorie deficit? And if so, is there a general number to try and avoid, or is it completely unique to each individual person? I ask primarily because some days (particularly when my overall activity level is low) I'm hitting right around my target deficit, and other days (like when I do a lot more than average) I'm eating significantly under my deficit. I'm trying to pay attention to how I feel the next day after various calorie loads, but the signals get a bit muddy for me for various reasons, so I was wondering if there was some kind of general rule like try to never go more than 1500 calories below or something. Anyone, thanks in advance.

Made it to the first mile marker on a trail near work, and back to the car without feeling like I was going to die. So 2 miles round trip. Not much for some, maybe, but my previous personal best was .6 miles, so I'll take it. Especially when combined with the fact that I actually made myself go do it after work, and I only let myself have my pre-planned, calorie and portion controlled snack afterwards. Super excited and feeling quite inordinately proud of myself lol.

Fair enough. I probably wouldn't want to mess with it if that was all I had available, either.

So... long story as short as possible unless more detail is needed to properly answer the question. I've been trying to get healthier for a few months now. Back in September I started doing body weight exercizes and cleaning up my diet (we went mostly paleo, although I allowed myself 8oz of whole milk after workouts). I felt a lot better, my clothes started fitting better, and I actually lost about 10lbs and about 1 inch all around. The 1st of October, I started a new job, however, and my everything pretty much came to a screeching halt within the first week because the new job is moderately physical (MUCH more so than I'm used to, but probably not terribly so by normal standards). The workouts shouldn't be that hard to start up again now that I've gotten used to the more physical work (although I know I'll probably have to build back up to where I was before after almost 2 months off). But my concern is diet. I can't do paleo anymore. We found that out the first week on the new job. I have hypoglycemia (which seems to be getting worse), and I just can't get enough carbs to keep my blood sugar at a safe level while working with paleo. But I need to do something, because I can tell I've gained back all the weight I'd lost (and maybe then some). My clothes are too tight again, most of the digestive issues that had gone away with paleo are back, and I just overall don't feel well. Just eating at a calorie deficit has never worked for me. Maybe I've just done it wrong, or maybe my metabolism is just screwed up. I am mildly hypothyroid, and I was basically bullemic for most of adolescence. So I was wondering if anyone else has suggestions of things that have worked for them? Or even just advice on eating at a calorie deficit correctly. I'm really not sure what to do anymore.

I don't know where you stand on frozen veg, but I found making cauliflower rice to be ridiculously easy if you make it from frozen. Just thaw the florets, pulse in a food processor, then transfer to a pan or a microwave safe dish. Stupid simple. I make pizza crust the same way, and it works just fine. Not that much effort at all, and it's really tasty. I don't add cheese to my pizza crust, although most recipes do. I just mix in a little bit of freshly ground almond or flax meal, an egg, and then spread it all out in a fairly thin layer on a parchment lined baking sheet. A little bit of a pain, sure, but no more so than homemade pizza crust ever is, really,

Batgirl: I don't even have a sewing machine right now. I had one years ago, but didn't use it enough to justify the space it took up, so I gave it to a friend. I had planned on getting a new one once I got back into things more (like maybe after the challenge, if I complete it all), because I couldn't see spending the money on something I might not use. Is it possible to sew one in by hand, or should I leave those projects for after I get a machine?

timelovesahero: Thanks. I always worry that I think about these things way too much, but I've always been a strong believer in the idea that you can't really change a behavior/thought process unless you understand why it's happening or what's sustaining it. I may try the early walk. I generally have trouble making myself do anything for about 45-60 minutes after I get up, but a nice casual walk might would get me up (and moving more, which I need), without being too strenuous a way to fight off that groggy post-sleep sort of stupor I often have in the mornings. Week Two Update Slightly less introspective this week, since I'm still working with my mid-week tweaks and such and don't have as much to go on. Weight (9/28): 335 lbs (-2 lbs) Goals Check-in: BBW: Only 2x/1 circuit. I got busy towards the end of the week and let myself fall into the "I don't have time" trap because I was still feeling pretty crappy emotionally, and therefore wasn't really feeling it. I know I could've found the time somewhere, I just didn't, which is a major failing of willpower on my part. I almost gave up completely on Monday, and didn't, so that's something; but still not good enough. Circuit progress.... ugh. One full circuit is still kicking my ass right now, which makes me both frustrated and seriously unsure about the feasibility of my goal of reaching three full circuits. Moving into week three, I really should be transitioning to two circuits if I'm going to make the full three by challenge end. I could probably add a second round of planks and push-ups, maybe even rows, but I'm still struggling every workout just to get through the squats and lunges as they are. I kind of wanted to ramp everything up together a little at a time, but maybe I should just go ahead and increase my upper body work anyway and let the legs follow as they may. Not sure.Eating Mindfully: Eh. Some days I do really well, other days not at all. This definitely hasn't been my best week by far, however. A couple of days I almost didn't eat at all, because I felt too letharguc and "bleh" to care, and I haven't really had lunch at all this week. I've been much better about not grabbing food as a substitute for boredom the last few days, but I don't know that I should really give myself any credit, since my emotional eating problems just seem to be progressing faster than normal back to negative emotional space = loss of appetitie.Extra Activity: Given my energy levels and the overall state of my mood this week, I'm going to give myself a pass for this. We went to three stores when we went grocery shopping this week, and I made a couple trips back out to the car to help carry in more things in than I normally would while we were putting things away; we also went and bought a basic set of adjustable weight dumbells this week, which I pushed myself to help carry out to the car for as far as I could without risk of dropping it (~40lbs which is more than I've ever lifted at once, even if I did only make it about 20-30 yards). I didn't make a dedicated effort at finding the time to do something extra (hell, I didn't even finish my workouts) but I did push myself to do more than I normally would every time I did do something physical, so I'm going to count it, if only out of consideration for the way the week went otherwise. This is the last time I'm letting myself get away with something like this, though.Sewing: Nothing. I was going to make my husband a zippered bag for his chainmail stuff and fix a pair of my pants this week (to work on my consistency, and because I've never worked with zippers before), but we never got around to going and getting the zippers. I may try to do two projects next to make up for missing this, but I don't know. I'm finding this goal a lot harder than I thought, not because the sewing itself is that difficult (I actually find it quite enjoyable), but because 1) I'm a perfectionist who hasn't yet mastered the skills to do anything perfectly; 2) I hate feeling like I have to force myself to do something that should be fun; and 3) because I find I've often underestimated what I need for each project just slightly, given how much of a novice I am, and it's difficult to get more at short notice, both financially (budget constraints) and because I can't drive myself to the store to get things when I need them, and my husband works (so I often forget to mention it if/when an opportunity to go arises).Other Notes/Ongoing Concerns: Diet: I've been trying to up my carbs a little the last few days, and it has helped my energy levels some, which is good. On the other hand, I made some grain-free muffins the other day, and I've been using them as meals rather than snacks, which I know I shouldn't do... the inevitable result being that my blood sugar has been all over the place (of course) and I've seen an increase in headaches/migraines. So while carbs seem to be very important to me for energy, consuming them with a proper balance of protein and healthy fat seems to be just as important (if not more so), for maintaining my health in other ways. Which I already knew, I just didn't realize the extent to which it matters for my own personal well-being. In good news on this front, however, I was presented with some serious dietary temptation the other day and managed to resist it. Pizza is one of my go-to emotional eating comfort foods, and I managed to resist getting some when offered, and even managed to avoid both the rolls and the mac'n'cheese at the restaraunt we did go to for a diet-approved treat, even though I've been craving mac'n'cheese (my all-time biggest comfort food) like crazy for well over a week now. I did (sort of spitefully) eat a few peanuts before dinner, which I really shouldn't have (and only even find "OK" as a food item), but I'm going to give myself a pass on those because of everything else. I will take note of the sort of petty way in which I ate them, though.. I was really, really hungry by the time we got to dinner because I hadn't really eaten otherwise that day, but I really ate them less because I wanted them and more because denying myself that many things I did want at one time left me wanting to break some sort of rule just because I could. Which is never a good reason to do anything, but interesting psychologically, and something I should probably take note of for the future. I may start trying to keep more not quite diet friendly (but still relatively healthy) treats around in pre-measured portions just to give myself a little room to vent that frustration without completely blowing my diet. We'll see.Eating Disorder Symptomology: Improving somewhat, although I find myself having to make lots of mental/emotional compromises. "I have to eat breakfast, but I only half to eat half of it"... "I can have as much tea as I want, but only one cup a day with honey in it" (so I don't keep my energy up and my stomach feeling full but just drinking all my calories)... that sort of thing. It still isn't healthy, but it's the best I can manage sometimes, and better than trying nothing at all, I suppose.Depression: Little to no positive change. I have managed not to let myself give up on my diet and exercise goals completely, though, which is usually the first thing to go when I feel like crap. So... small victory? I suppose I'll just have to take what I can get right now.

Whoo... seriously belated check-in time. This week (and a half or so now) has been a lot more difficult than anticipated, but we're still moving along. First, some stats I forgot to post before: Starting Weight: 341lbs Starting Measurements: Upper Arm: 22.25 inLower Arm: 13.25 inChest: 60 inWaist: 58.5 inHips: 65 inUpper Leg: 33.5 inLower Leg: 20.75 inWeight (9/21): 337 lbs (= -4 lbs) Week 1 Goals Check-in: BBW 3x (Mon, Thurs, Sat); still just one full circuit, but my consistency and how much it takes out of me gets better with each workout. I was still too sore to do it Wednesday (original plan), but I was able to do it Thursday, and I only needed one day to recover before my last workout on Saturday. So I consider that a win. I got through all three days, and I didn't allow myself a longer break than absolutely necessary.Eat Mindfully; Yes and No. I've really been struggling with this one, which I pretty much expected. I've started eating meals more regularly at the kitchen table (rather than in front of the TV or PC), which has helped me pay more attention to what I'm eating. I've also been making a dedicated effort to eat whenever I feel hungry, and to not beat myself up over my food choices when I do it. I'm worried that I'm doing a lot of emotional eating, though, so I've decided to let myself eat something any time I feel hungry, but to keep it small, think about how I feel afterward, and make myself wait at least 30 minutes before I eat anything else. It won't stop the emotional eating if that's what it is, but it will slow it down a bit and keep the extra calories I consume that way to a minimum without shaming myself over it.Extra Activity: My husband and I went walking twice last week (about 1/2 mile, I think), and I spent several hours cleaning the kitchen and reorganizing my cabinets one day, which involved a lot of climbing up and down out of chairs and on/off the counters because I'm so short. So bascially 3 times (rather than the 1 minimum I set for myself), which I would call a complete success this week.Week 1.5: A couple of things I've noticed/struggled with so far this week, which I think bear mentioning (I don't want to forget them). Depression: Major battle with this this week. I've been on a more or less even keel for months now except for a few little dips, but this week it all sort of went to hell and I've been having a really hard time crawling back out. No energy, lots of crying, next to no motivation. I may have recognized at least one new exacerbating problem, however. When my mood drops, my entertainment choices tend to change. More sappy movies, bad urban fantasy, and life-simulation video games like Sims 3; less documentaries, mysteries/crime proceedurals, and games that actually make me do something or figure something out. I'm guessing that the sappy stuff is meant to be an escape - a glimpse into happy perfect land where nothing sucks for long and everything works out just right for the quirky/plucky heroine... but I suspect that the surrealness of it is actually making things worse because a: my life is nothing like that, and b: I know that things never will be because real life doesn't work that way; real life takes dedication and hard work, and still doesn't always work out just the way you'd like. All TV is basically escapism, but I'm still going to make an effort to cut back on the sap and make myself stick to things that I engage with more, and see how I feel. Maybe it will help a little bit while I continue to work on everything else.Eating Disorder Symptomology: Also been a major issues this week, after quite a while of being a (mostly) non-issue. Both directly and indirectly related to the depression. The depression creates the kind of emotional environment the ED thrives on, and the constant battle not to give into the ED behavior/ideology (and sometimes failures to do so) leads to emotional exhaustion and guilt, which feeds the depression. Also, lots of people/research/data suggests that behaviorally, one of the best ways to combat despression is by just forcing yourself to keep doing what you need to do and sticking to your routine... but that's problematic for me right now, because part of my "routine" is trying to make myself eat more healthily (and just eat more, since I definitely seem not to be getting enough) and exercise, which triggers the ED mindset, which just makes the depression worse. Not sure what I can do to try and break that little chain (or even just work around it), but I'll keep trying to figure something out.Diet: Need to do some reassessment here, as I seem not to be getting enough carbs. My energy has been really low this week, and I've been feeling sort of weak and shakey. Yesterday when I went to work out, I could barely move and everything hurt way more than it should, because my form was off. I stopped (and almost gave up completely), and just left it alone for a while. My husband suggested maybe it was a blood sugar issue (and more specifically a carb-deficit issue), so I made a smoothie (fruit and veg with a little coconut milk) and immediately felt a lot better. I puttered around the house a little more, made lunch, let it digest a bit, and then tried the workout again; I was still tired and struggled with it, but I DID get through it that time, and my forms were all much better (it also hurt less). So maybe my husband is right and I'm just not getting enough carbs. I think I'm going to try upping my carb intake for the rest of the week (and maybe next week, not sure yet) and see how I feel. I know weightloss for me isn't strictly a calories in/out game, because I've been eating well under calories for years now and getting nowhere. But too few carbs also may not work for me/my blood sugar; I'll just have to tinker with things a bit.(More may come later...)

Thanks to all of you. I really appreciate the support. And good luck to you in all your efforts, as well. It's funny - in some ways, eating mindfully sounds like the simplest of my goals. But I think it's probably going to be the toughest to tackle. Making note of what one eats is hard enough... much less why you eat it, etc. But I know it's something I have to learn to do. If I come up with any good idea,s I'll be sure to share them. Jaymee - I know what you mean. Scales are awful. They're so seldom fully accurate, and they make it hard to focus on the bigger picture besides. Batgirl - Thank you so much for the offer of advice. I'll probably take you up on it at some point! JenniferStark - Thanks. I had a really hard time settling on goals that I thought were managable while still presenting me with a challenge of some sort; even if that challenge is just relearning how to listen to my own body. I know a lot of people do best when they're constantly pushing against their limits, and I admit, there was some part of me that wanted to set pie in the sky sort of goals and see just how far I could get with them. But I think for me this time around it was more important to really figure out where (and what) my limits were, so that I could build a strong foundation and get some momentum going to carry me into future success.

Very true. Still frustrating when you only have a guy to get healthier with, but true. No one can escape biology; you just have to learn to work with (and sometimes) around it. And I'll probably switch the measurements to once a month or so, if my obsessive desire to know can mange it; less disappointing that way. Thank you all again for all the helpful advice and reminders.