ShadowSilk

Goals for 1/3/2020 1. Morning Pages/affirmations/journaling 2. Meditation 3. Total Gym abs/lower body (for real because I did not do it on Thursday) YAY ME 4. Dayjob (19 minutes left) 5. Log MFP 6. Reread Ch. 3 of You Are A Badass 7. Knitting on The Scotsman's hat Hello, Friday, so good to see you. And now I think I am going to go to a local used bookstore for my "something fun this week." SadPandaFace -- didn't get to go to the bookstore. The Scotsman got bit by something earlier this week on his finger and it's swollen, so I had to go to the drugstore instead to get epsom salts and drawing salve. Maybe I will go next week sometime -- oh wait I'm overloaded next week w/dayjob (6 hours of audio on a player system I really don't like of a jurisdiction I really don't like but it's $2 a page.) OH THERE ARE GOOD THINGS THO I ordered UnF*ck Yourself, E Squared and Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout I also ordered a really good pair of walking/hiking boots. Boots will be here Monday. I'm putting back $20 this week for a sweet pair of everyday kickaround asskicker boots as well as my reward for meeting my deadlines this week. ETA: Well this is fun, I woke up at 2 in the friggin' morning. Well at least I can't use "I didn't have time" as an excuse. Coffee now and the first 2 things on my list before I come back.

I'm in. Most of my reading over the past few years has been via the wonders of Audible, but since discovering the joys of the podcast "Knowledge Fight" early last year, I kind of let it slide some. I've been...fairly isolated/depressed for the last few years, and kind of hooked on the internet, to be honest, and let my reading slide. Which is just stupid when you're a writer. I mean, I was reading fanfiction, and fanfiction is great, I love well written fanfiction (At Least There's The Football, MueraRashaye's Valdemar fanfics, the BBC Sherlock Guitar Man series) but I need to read other things, too. I think my goal is probably going to be at least one research book a month -- I started to say a book a week, and then I remembered that my current book, The Outfit by Gus Russo, is a research book for The Work and is horrendously thick (well written! Very well written and lots of details which I really need) and I'm not finishing that this week. For self-improvement, also one book a month. Mainly because I can read a self-improvement book in a few days tops, but to really dig down and deep, I'm going to want to revisit it -- like currently I'm rereading You Are A Badass one chapter a day and digging into it as much as I can. For pleasure, at least two books a month, really. I can do at least that. Gonna hit up the rec list y'all build later to help with that. So I've got that, Klondike by Pierre Berton, Family Secrets, I Hear You Paint Houses, The Silent -- might be The Quiet Don, I've got two books about the Red Mafiya and the Odessa for research....Berton's books about the Canadian Cross-Continental Railroad, need to read those (those are great, btw. Really quite funny in some places and heartbreaking in others and I haven't finished them, I've started them and never finished them). More Mafia books that the titles escape me right now and they're in the Big Box o'Books that doubles as my printer stand. I need to read all of those. The World Without Us -- I could absolutely use more recommendations in that sort of genre, you know, what would happen if humanity just kind of, disappeared, or disappeared for the most part (that's for the post-apoc work). I'm also currently rereading, slowly, a chapter a day, You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. It's kind of Law of Attraction-y, very personal coach. I like it. I'm ordering UnF*ck Your Life this weekend, that's the next on that list. I have Think And Grow Rich on my Audible, and my Kindle, but for certain topics, I tend to get more from a physical page. Can't explain it, it's just the truth, and self-improvement/self-help is one of those genres. Recommendations: Neil Gaiman. You just cannot go wrong with Gaiman. Joe Hill if you like horror. His short stories are amazing, N0S4A2 was fantastic, Wraith was divine. I didn't care for Horns, but I need to try The Fireman. HEART SHAPED BOX MESSED ME UP HARD, fair warning, and I've been reading Joe's Daddy's work (Stephen King) since I was NINE. The only stuff that messed me up as bad as Heart Shaped Box by Steve was Pet Sematary and The Shining. So hope that helps Nora Roberts writing as J.D. Robb -- it's not Nora's usual work. That reminds me, she's done a post-apoc series now as Nora that I need to pick up. Behind The Throne by Adrian Tinniswood -- a look at domestic servants to the throne of England. It's really good, I listened to it on Audible. Caitlin Doughty's books, both Smoke Gets In Your Eyes and From Here To Eternity: Traveling the World To Find the Good Death, are both really fantastic. You might know Caitlin better as Ask A Mortician from YouTube. Very well written, and she reads both of them. They're great. Not morbid per se at all, in my opinion. Really good. I've got more recs, especially when it comes to British history and stuff, so ask me if you want more. @Defining I'm tagging you for the recs stuff, and thanks for inviting me to this thread.

Thanks, I'll do so in a bit.

Goals for 1/2/2020 1. Morning Pages, affirmations, journaling 2. Meditation 3. Work (1 hour 15 minutes 51 35 minutes of audio) 4. Log MFP 5. Total Gym -- abs and lower body 6. Walk 20 minutes (It's raining) 7. Reread, slowly, Ch. 2 of You Are A BadAss 8. Research reading -- The Outfit, by Gus Russo Didn't QUITE get the knitting in yesterday -- I had just picked up the hat and done about half a row (at best) when my son called from college, and we talked for about an hour, and then it was bedtime for ShadowSilk. And that's okay, that's more than okay, because first, my kids come before everything else, and second, tired knitting leads to missed stitches/mixed up stitches and then the pattern's wonky and you either have to decide to deal with it or you have to decide to frog or tink it back, and lemme tell y'all, I don't do either one well. So the hat went back in its drawer and I went to bed. The other thing that was difficult for me yesterday was meditation. Both times I tried to settle and do it, first my dog decided he wanted out, he wanted out right then, Mommy, right then, and since our neighbor moved in behind us with their three dogs, I tend to go outside with him just in case somebody decides to get growly. And then when I tried in the late afternoon, my husband got up and came to ask me what I was doing. And that's okay, too. I got it in after I got the work done. Now it's 5:13 here and I have done my Morning Pages and journaling and meditation, and I'm looking at yesterday and going, "I really should have done better on my work, I spent half the day farting around the internet." But yesterday WAS a holiday. And I DID get the work DONE, and that's the important part, yes? Today's audio will likely be a bit more challenging. I have listened to part of it and it's not very well recorded, so it may well take me longer than it should. Technically, with good audio, I can transcribe 2:1 -- meaning with if I focus and buckle down, with good audio, if nobody's an asshole and interrupting each other, I can transcribe half an hour of audio in an hour (for reference, the common ratio is 4:1). But this audio is NOT good, the only person I could hear clearly the other day was the judge, so this may well be more challenging. And that's okay too. I'm saving my affirmations for when hubby gets home; he tends to take over my computer for anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours in the mornings, and I can write my affirmations in the living room. ETA: I laid down on the couch when The Scotsman got home and fell totally asleep -- and now it's past 10 a.m. Not happy. ETA AGAIN: Damn it. I did it again. It's 8:04 p.m. and I just finished the dayjob for today and this should not have happened. IT is really crappy audio, so crappy in fact that I turned around and did 25 minutes of a different file to catch it up so I could say I did the required number of minutes for today. I have not done my Total Gym, nor any of my reading, and it's almost time to get The Scotsman ready for work and then after that is my normal bedtime. Damn it. I've got to get me some discipline, y'all. Seriously.

Hey there. I'm ShadowSilk. So I've been in and out of the Rebellion off and on several times. This isn't a "New Year, New YOU!" type thing, this is coming back to the hideout with little to show in my pouch but grim determination to get back to where I once was. I've given over my tools of the trade, my daggers, darts, and boot knives, to a friend; she'll hold them for me until I'm truly ShadowSilk again. I need accountability. I really do. So if you read this, and I amuse you, please head up to my Battle Log -- it's called Regaining My Self and My Tools. Thanks. I appreciate it. For this challenge, I will: FITNESS GOALS 1. Get back on track with MFP 2. Walk at least 20 consecutive minutes four times a week 3. Get and hook up a new DVD player so I can start using my friggin' DDPY DVDs again, at least 3 times a week I can't find the replacement DVD I ordered from DDPY to replace the very 1st DVD, and I promise y'all I can't do the second DVD. AT ALL. And Dally doesn't put entire workouts on YouTube. New plan; beginner's yoga/pilates workouts from YouTube at least 3 times a week. 4. Use my Total Gym at least three times a week PERSONAL GOALS 1. Finish the hat I'm knitting for my husband 2. Order and read UnF*ck Your Life 3. Reread, slowly, & possibly journal about or work through, one chapter a day of You Are A BadAss 4. Meet my deadlines 5. Keep journaling, do my Morning Pages, and my written affirmations 6. Get out of the house to do something I like at least once a week CURRENT ASSESSMENT 1. 234 lbs (Not horrible for me! I was all the way up to 260 last year at this time!) 2. Flexibility (What's that?) is horrible 3. Strength is horrible 4. I'll be 43 in three months 5. Really going through a period of rediscovery and am enjoying it.

Hey there, would you mind letting me know how that Purple mattress works out? We are in desperate dire need of a new mattress here at The Barony. The Scotsman (my hubby who I really should call Destro, huh?) has wallowed a dip in his side that I end up falling into half the time. ETA B/C SOMETIMES SHADOWSILK HAS A BRAIN FART: Sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to do to kick bipolar depression cycles' butt. I'm rooting for you, friend.

Curious, ever and always curious, ShadowSilk picked up the box -- and nearly dropped it as memories, Shaar/Loire's memories and guides, flooded her soul. The bell-peal of a little girl's laughter, the wary suspicious glare of the two males, one full grown and one barely old enough to shave, the encounter with the three Adversaries. Those, Shadow dared to lift a sneer at; didn't she have her own, then? And when she spoke, her voice was low, words spit between nearly gritted teeth. "Not as men do I experience the same, but climate and landscape. You remember Mithrandir, long I fell and he fell with me, well, my own was the pits of despair. I wandered them. I wandered them too long, foul fen-bogs of misery. The winter of discontent, the thrice damned steppe, no tree, no boulder, nothing to hide me away from the gales of never good enough. It pierced me, that gale. Froze my heart, yea, even the star-fire could barely beat against it. "And yet. Here we are, elequaa, Soul-Friend. Here we are. That which we struggle through, one of my teachers has said, sharpens us; like unto the riddle of steel, so we are. And like it, we shall be reforged into better -- here the Blade that was Dulled, there the Light that Dimmed. Note I say dimmed, not doused. For your Light cannot go out completely, not unless you will it so." Her smile returned then, slight but there. "And that, I know, you will never do." Ah. my stuff -- most of my stuff -- is in my computer. And I've never really done anything with ShadowSilk. Not for realsies. But if you'd like a taste, I've a couple of fanfics up at AO3. https://archiveofourown.org/works/18255443 https://archiveofourown.org/works/13561443 I'm taking a break for 2020 from the REAL work, the original stuff, but if you'd like to have a look at any of it, PM me.

1/1/2020 Goals for today: 1. Day job (1 hr 17 min. of audio 1 hr. 8 min of audio 1 hr of audio 48 39 29 15 min of audio) 2. Walk 20 minutes 3. Log MFP 4. Reread & really let sink in the 1st ch. of You Are A BadAss 5. Meditate 6. Daily lines 7. Morning Pages 8. Journal 9. Knit a couple of rows on The Scotsman's hat So. Here we go back to work.

"Always, Sister. Always." The veiled one crosses open hands, palms to her chest, then extends them to Loire -- my heart is always with you -- taking and squeezing the proffered hand tightly between her own before pulling back the hood of her cloak, dark eyes dancing with delight. "What adventures you have had. I am only sorry I was not there to help support you -- but I am here now. And O, what can stand before the pair of us? The fire of the stars burns in our hearts." Remember that. Always. You are made of stars. The heavy elements that created life on this planet once burned in the heart of stars. Those stars burst into supernovae, creating nebulae, galaxies, planets...and eventually, you and I and every other living thing on this planet. And they long to see us succeed.

Breathe in. This is only one day. It isn't forever. Breathe out. Breathe in. You are a valued, beloved child of the stars and you are fantastic. Breathe out. Talk later -- I left a little something on your thread, too.

The light glinted off the blades on the table, and ShadowSilk forced her attention away as she looked up at Loire. "I am better than I was," she began slowly. "But I cannot call myself assassin at the moment. You, I can trust with these. You know what they mean to me. You know my heart, Mellon-nin. You always have." For this challenge, I will: FITNESS GOALS 1. Get back on track with MFP 2. Walk at least 20 consecutive minutes four times a week 3. Get and hook up a new DVD player so I can start using my friggin' DDPY DVDs again, at least 3 times a week 4. Use my Total Gym at least three times a week PERSONAL GOALS 1. Finish the hat I'm knitting for my husband 2. Order and read UnF*ck Your Life 3. Reread, slowly, & possibly journal about or work through, one chapter a day of You Are A BadAss 4. Meet my deadlines 5. Keep journaling, do my Morning Pages, and my written affirmations 6. Get out of the house to do something I like at least once a week CURRENT ASSESSMENT 1. 234 lbs (Not horrible for me! I was all the way up to 260 last year at this time!) 2. Flexibility (What's that?) is horrible 3. Strength is horrible 4. I'll be 43 in three months 5. Really going through a period of rediscovery and am enjoying it.

From the start. *(hands Loire her daggers, her boot knife, her deadly darts) "Hold on to these for me a while, mellon-nin. Until I have proven myself worthy of them again."

GAHHHHHHHHHHH Yesterday 245 -- today 248/250. Fuck you, scale. I'm literally eating ONCE a day. Yes, there are liquid calories -- creamer for my coffee and sugar for my tea -- but it's not excessive (probably 6-8 tbsp of creamer, probably 4 tbsp of sugar a day). Oh well. Sooner or later, it'll get better. I really, really need to get my husband and son to move the Total Gym that we've had for literally ten years into the living room so it can be USED. ALSO somehow my husband's timesheet got fucked up between him turning it in OVER A MONTH AGO and getting to Finance...so Christ knows when he's getting paid.

OKAY SO SO SO ...so the shutdown is finally over but no monies yet but that's okay Yesterday the scale showed me down to 248, this morning is 251, but it's a biological function GAH Still covered in work and likely to stay that way a bit, at least until people figure out whether the government is going to stay paid or not Still haven't figured out what to do re: veg/salads, so it's been eggs and chicken and beef w/a teeny bit of potato or rice. No bread, no pasta. GOOD NEWS THOUGH I have at last made new headway on one of my fics which can be found here --> https://archiveofourown.org/works/13561443/chapters/31120650 Popped 3 or 4 chapters last week, a couple of which I had prewritten but I worked up two more I think last week. I need to finish off and have my beta look over another chapter over the next few days. There was much rejoicing upon my return, which made me v. happy. Challenge wise I'm doing well on the food front, I think, but absolutely shite on the movement front, but it's been either pissing down rain or cold AF here the last week plus I've been working a lot. So.

So glad you're enjoying the new job. *hugs* I'm with you on this challenge, just, yah no this didn't work real well for me this time maybe next time around?

GAH. Just GAH. Okay, my getting anything done other than just staying away from bread and pasta (or as far away as I can stay) until this is over is just not working out. If I'm not working, I'm drowning myself in fic or mindless vidya games -- stupid little slot games & whatnot so I don't have to think.

GAH. GAH. GAH. Work. Work. Work. That's literally all I can do right now and literally I can't not and I am GRATEFUL, SO GRATEFUL, TO HAVE WORK. At the same time, both the exec & the legis branches are getting ALL MY SIDE-EYE. Y U WANT 2 MAKE MY LIFE HARD TURTLE MAN? Friggin' McConnell.

I knew you'd get it! SO PROUD DOLLY!

1/12/19 Good news: the ladies who run my main contract are pushing my paychecks forward, and are doing their best to ensure that I get as much work as possible. So now I have 3.5 hours of audio due Tuesday evening -- the goal is to get it done by Monday evening so I can audio proof on Tuesday. I didn't do anything yesterday, which confused my dog; he wanted to go out, and saw me getting my shoes on and thought we were going out, and poor puppy. So I am taking him out this afternoon if the weather holds. I'm not going to push anything walking/exercise wise until the weather clears up. We're expecting a lot of rain and cold over the next few days. I did kind of fall off the modified primal wagon Wednesday, hell, I fell off the wagon period, because all I ate Wednesday was the mushroom rice stuff. Thursday I made that huge ass ham, and yesterday, all I had was ham and eggs, so I'm back on it. I just have to get back in the habit of measuring my food. I was doing so well, too. Also I am already tired of steaming veg and salad. I know, I know. But you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. I'm just not that big into salad! Never have been! Never will be! I know this for a fact. So I need to figure something out. I am moving my Total Gym into the living room today or tomorrow and getting it set up again. Our Total Gym -- we've had it literally FOREVER -- is great when I use it. Period. So Week 1: I would give myself probably a B minus. I did get the low goal of writing done, but I didn't touch my knitting, I did work out more than I didn't, but I didn't do more than one day of strength training and I didn't log my food every single day. I'm under a LOT of stress right now, yes, I had that mini-breakdown on Wednesday morning, I'm not making excuses, I'm stating facts. I'm NOT sneaking to fast food places and binging, though, which is good. I'm NOT giving up. I'm just looking at things realistically and trying to figure out a different plan of attack.

1/11/19 Working.

EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXCELLENT. (/end Mr. Burns voice) I love Desiderata. It's beautiful. And yes. Everybody has that innate urge to HURRY HURRY RUSH RUSH, I think it's because we all know how fleeting life really is in the back of our minds...but that's kind of what should make us slow the eff down, tho? Because LIFE IS SHORT. Smell the daisies. Dance in the rain (in the summertime). Count the skulls of your enemies. Conjure a dragon. It's all good. https://tenor.com/view/this-pleases-me-loki-tom-hiddleston-pleased-gif-5152402

A quote I read once in a novel -- "Be still and cool in thy own mind and spirit from thy own thoughts, and then thou wilt feel the principle of God to turn thy mind to the Lord God, whereby thou wilt receive his strength and power from whence life comes, to allay all tempests, against blusterings and storms. That is it which moulds up into patience, into innocency, into soberness, into stillness, into stayedness, into quietness, up to God, with his power." George Fox, 1658 Quaker Faith and Practice I don't know your religious affiliation, Shaar, nor do I need to, but this quote has helped me in the past, especially the first few words. "Be still and cool." Sometimes it seems like the whole friggin' world is out there just pushing us to HURRY HURRY HURRY RUSH RUSH RUSH And we do. So. I think you're making good choices. Hope the quote helps a little. "Be still and cool." Oh and another thing. I am very, very sorry to drop huge ass video things on your page, I just don't know how to make them smaller?

I absolutely HAVE to stay on track with work today. HAVE TO. Because, if you couldn't tell from my earlier posts, Scotsman is a federal employee, and his department is one of those affected by the shutdown...so my job is all we've got right now. And even my job, if the feds don't get their thumbs out of their butts, is under the gun -- we do a lot of transcripts for the feds. I'm planning on my walk/run for about mid-afternoon, before my daughter gets home from school. ZRC25K, Week 1, Day 1. As I said the other day, week 2 day 1 -- or was it week 3 -- was just too much for my shins. I hate getting shin splints so easily, but it is what it is, I guess. Making a HUGE ham for dinner -- whole hams have been on sale at a local store, I bought a 20 pound ham for $25 and I can get at least three or four meals out of it, I know. Other than that, back to the grindstone. Shaar, after seeing your video, I really am thinking about downloading the free trial. FF14, you said?

1/9/19 continued: THE TERLET FLUSHES AGAIN HALLELUJAH! Walk accomplished, but cut short. Someone else had their dog at the park, and was taking our usual route, so we took a short cut back to the car. Yeah, I went ahead and took him to the park. He loves it so much, I couldn't bear not to. Here's hoping tomorrow does not suck -- my work mojo is just like, O wat you wanted me? Sorry I'm in Tahiti (it's a magical place). So I've got W1D1 of ZRC25K to do plus catching up all the work and there is quite a damn bit of it. Here's hoping. Anyway, I have to go make spaghetti now for everyone else. I'm still full from lunch, so if I eat, it'll be late.