ladymorella

I always kind of wonder that sort of stuff. Interesting how our online life can be quite different from RL. I rarely talk about goal IRL. In general the more important something is to me the less I talk about it. Like in April It was very important to me to do well on a 5k and I talked about it here, but not IRL. I told my coach I was doing it only cause I needed his help. Everyone else at the race would have understood the importance of doing well at that race, but I told zero of them and I consider them friends. I only told my coach in a understated, 'hey thanks. I knocked three minutes off my time'. Weird how that works right? It is an interesting notion. I've always found goal setting to be somehow silly in some way. Even though in reality we all do it all the time. I can never figure out what I don't like about it. I have felt the way from like 2nd grade or younger. On the one hand I get it, but also somehow goal setting seems utterly ridiculous to me always has.

Approximate translation? My life is changing. I haven't much desire to go into much depth, but my life will drastically change as something I have been for 22 years will be dying. I have been in a bit of anger at the turn of events as I had a bit of fight to get to this place only to have everything go away. A bit of identity crisis and a bit of why bother with anything any more? It has been a rough couple years anyway and to add this on top is no fun, but c'est la vie. At the moment it is just keep swimming. Just one more step. One more step. One more step. I am stumbling to the Tardis. Goals are super small this time as I haven't much energy with all the dying and such. So... Running: I have a race on the 27th. I don't expect great results. My last 5k in April I knocked like 3 minutes off my time. However I have been emotional eating a lot over the last couple months and have gained a bit of weight. I haven't been going to the gym as often nor running as my programming as prescribed. I am hoping to do another 5k in Nov also, but it looks like I may have to work that day which I am not very happy about. I was looking forward to this race since like Feb. or so which is highly unusual for me. I'm not really a runner. But I have been having some issues with my knee. And for some dumb reason running isn't bad for it. Lunches: I want to take lunch to work at least 2 times a week. Preferable 3 times a week. Other than that I just need to breathe. I mean figuratively and literally. I am so stressed that today I actually noticed that I was holding my breath from stress sometimes today.

Now for a while it has been and maybe a little

All the things that can never be! But alas "live too long" For Wilfred I could. It's started. And that is where left off.

So I am pretty Even on old stuff cause sometimes you are just late to the party. But here is your warning if you haven't past the 10th Doctor on Doctor Who you might want to skip this thread for spoilers will occur. So ya might want ta Also please note: I have not seen past the 11th (? Matt Smith) to 12th (Peter Kapaldi) doctor regen. So please no spoilers. I mean to get back to it one day. 3 2 1 Go: When we last left Morella: She was kind a dense and thought she'd go solo for a while It was foretold There was much turmoil. Some hard decisions were made She thought she had persevered. There was light at the end of the tunnel But...

Yes, it is hard to keep perspective right now. Yeah, apparently there is a numbness that comes with too much stress too, just like too much grief. Who knew? It pops in from overwhelming to numbness occasionally. Ahhh!!! Haha. It'll pass, just have to gut it out for a couple months or so. Oh how I wish I could run, hike, or ride my bike right now for relief. I did do better today. A grocery store is closing near my house for some dumb reason I bought a bunch of junk food with their 25% off sale. So good news I have food so I can be prepared. That bad news is it's not great food. But planning is better than not planning. I planned out 2/3 of the day today and it help out a ton. Also I bought celery yesterday. I figure I need to recognize the reality right now and munching is likely gonna happen so better to be celery, turkey, or peaches rather than ice cream, Twinkies, french fries and such. I like the idea of special health food. Just not sure what to use as right now a I really need to save money as a few things have happened that make things kinda of tight right now. Normally it'd be like sushi or something like that.

Well I guess this challenge is over. These past couple weeks have been crazy. I got thrown a curve-ball a couple weeks ago and the effects are still being felt. I was expecting it, but the timeline moved way up. There are new twists every day. Today had 3!! I have so many decisions to make and no information on which to make it. In the end I don't even know what I want. I mean I think I know what I want, but it certainly isn't a sure thing and then this morning my first waking thought was the realization that what I wanted is almost impossible. It is a roller coaster of a day. Diet: This didn't go well. I'm being very indecisive about what to do. Then with the curve-ball I have been emotional eating. I think part of the problem is I need to up my protein. It think a low protein diet is really unsatisfying and end up with me looking for more food no mater how much I have already eaten. PT: I wasn't given specific instructions for my PT homework. It was told to do it as needed, but the paperwork said to do it twice a day. I did it once a day until I started having issues 2 weeks ago. I tried to give occasional rest thinking I was over doing it. I think I did well on this, but since I'm not really sure what I was suppose to be doing who knows. I feel like an idiot PT makes sense on paper, but I can't ever seem to get it to add up. I sort of feel like I am spending $80 a week to be on my own and constantly saying "maybe on my next appointment we will figure something out." Turns out PT during the other stuff was really bad timing, but there was no way to foresee it. "Run": This ended up not working out. I got one run in which was good. It has been hot out. I was hoping to sub an elliptical workout, but that didn't happen. To-Do List: 103/100. I barely squeaked this by. On the one hand I feel like my points on some of the things weren't very proportionate to their necessity and timeline and thus the 103 should actually be more than that. On the other hand I feel like I have not done near the amount of things that I should have.

Yeah, same here I went so far as to look up various articles on how to weigh your food if you could believe that. Like I was missing some big think beyond the cooked vs. uncooked weight. They can make you feel like an idiot.

Yes, exactly. I think I have told you about trying to lose weight and people kept telling me to eat less food. I told them I was eating 1000-1400 calories and no one believed me. It was terrible.

Sorry really long again. So much going on this is actually short. I take spoilers seriously, even if years old Again Doctor Who 10th Doctor spoiler(ish) Over the past month or so I have learned I would be a terrible time traveler going into a place right before tragedy. Yet somehow I would fair better than many. Which makes me think what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me that I am ok knowing terrible things are going to happen, yet feel no compelling need to tell the people it will happen to? I have no problem sacrificing myself to try to alleviate pain for others, but rules are rules. Whether a temporal time directive or policies. There are methods to the madness. I guess deep down I think keeping the "rules" will cause less issues in the end and I can try to subtly tip the scales. This week have been a lot of This week a few more people have the burden of knowledge and I guess it is true that misery loves company. I feel a lot better now. Mostly cause now most of the people affected know the things that are to come. This whole ordeal has turned everything upside down. I have so much to do, and yet no idea where to start or what my timelines are on anything. In other news I seemed to have hurt my elbow a little. It sort of feels to me like when I overextend it. which makes me think the rings or handstands I have been working on might be the issue. However it started on Sunday so I think a pull up did it. I tried to give it some rest this week. No pull ups on my home pull up bar. Negatives seemed ok, and pushups seem ok. I stayed off the rings and no handstands. Diet: I am going to cancel this goal. I have too much going on to try to work on this right now. PT: This week has been a bit of an issue. Started off great on Monday. Went to PT on Tuesday and all the exercises were amped up a bit. Everything was pretty hard (my exercises where already hard.) As usual they give me an exercise then take off so you can't ask questions about what muscles should be working or such. Then they wanted be to do a (basically) ring assisted single leg squat to a chair. I was really skeptical that I should be doing it, but I tried it. It didn't feel right. I tried to explain and they still wanted me to do it. I didn't for sure know it was a bad idea so I did it anyway and tried to note what was going on that didn't seem right. I couldn't explain it. I got a long lecture about having to start working up from somewhere, but it doesn't feel right. It's hard on my right leg, but it will get stronger. It doesn't feel right on the left leg. Wednesday my leg was having issues again, like last week. Left glute feels like it isn't activating right and my calf is super tight etc. So I skipped PT thinking maybe the previous day was too much. Thursday was more of the same. My PT told me he wanted me to start returning to normal exercises so I did the crossfit class skipping out of any fast work that I have been struggling with and slowing down anything that is iffy, and modifying the wall balls to arms only (which is really hard to not use your legs a little.) I think there is no change in my problems with Kettle Bell Swings, Rowing, Deadlifts, Bent over Rowing, cleaning, and the position for sled pulls. My leg didn't feel good when I tried to do the remaining stuff on my PT so I skipped most of it. My knee today is bothering me a lot. I am going to skip the exercises again most likely. I will give it a shot, but I think I will end up doing mobility only. "Run": Run would be on the weekend if at all. I likely won't get another one in. To-Do List: 79/100 - Got some progress on my list. Probably I should be done with it. It hard to assign points on some things. I have one section of going through paperwork, but have the same points for all folders even though some folders take 4x as long to go through. I feel like I am making no progress. I had a huge load of stuff dropped in my lap with no idea of timeline. So I feel the need to do all these new things immediately, but there is too much and I do have prior things that need to be done soon. Life it too much right now, yet strangely it is less stressful now than 2 weeks ago. Feel free to skip this part. It is in no way necessary to the storyline, just feeling really reflective lately: I think it is a little like the time 2 years ago. I was stressed from work and went on vacation and have a first time ever overnight backpacking trip planned. I thought there was cell coverage in the area and it turned out there wasn't. Once I got my 3 miles that I had planned to do I was at a windy peak, so I went further down the trail. Then looking at the terrain I was sure that close to being in cell range. There still wasn't a great spot to settle into and I still felt great so I went to the next bend. Then the next. Then the next. Then the area wasn't good to settle down in. Then the next bend. Ok one more bend to see if I have cell coverage. I don't care, mind you, but I hadn't planned properly for work to not be on call (I am always on call.) At 5 miles I decided ok, the sun is almost down I have got to settle soon. Two more bends to try to get cell coverage as I knew that I was close to coverage. I walked a little scanning the area knowing I might need to turn around to find a camp spot. Well this might be a good place to camp I will keep it in mind. Ouch! Bam! On the ground. I stepped off a 4 inch log and it hurt, then I lost my balance in the recoil and rolled my ankle and fell to the ground. There I was in bear country with a sprain in two places on my ankle that went numb immediately. At the moment I didn't know if I just broke it. There I was 5 1/2 miles from my car with an ankle I couldn't feel nor put weight on. I couldn't get my food high enough in the trees, had no cell coverage to call for help if needed, and was violating my on call duty. Somehow in all that stress and problems it was the most relaxed and peaceful I had felt in a year. I was almost relieved/happy I had sprained my ankle so bad and couldn't go any further to try to find cell coverage.

No, I have only had x-rays and so right now the idea is to help strengthen the hip and glutes and maybe to alleviate tightness? Which needs to be done anyway as I am certainly weak at all the exercises. I am extra mobile in my joints, so with mobility stuff I pretty much don't do anything with joints other than the hip and ankles which have poor mobility. I think something is going on and I am locking my knees more than usual. I learned a while back to never lock my elbows or knees on exercises, but I seem to be doing it more lately. I also have this weird unstable feeling in my knee. I told my PT about it and he physically tested to see if there was ligament issues. Which I don't think it is ligament as it feels like my inner leg muscles and my glute aren't activating right. To be honest I am a tad worried that it is a neurological issue, but that is a bit of a jump right now. It's hard to say. I don't think the PT is wrong which is why I keep going, but I think there is some aspect missing. I definitely noticed this week my knee is not hyperextending anymore when I lay in bed which is good. But overall I feel my glute exercises are going worse. I think though I might have got a puzzle piece that maybe will help the PT. Right now I feel like we are dealing with problems I am having, but I'm just not sure if it is the cause or just side effect symptoms of the main problem. I wholeheartedly agree. It does feel like banging your head against the wall. It sometimes feels like: Sometimes I think how could this ever work? How can PT ever work for someone that didn't have a traumatic injury like a tear, sprain, or surgery? How can you ever prove to your dietitian that you are only eating the food on your food logs and you indeed are faithfully measuring every piece of it? Snap judgments do happen in all walks of life, but I feel in health related fields it is a whole different level. I do a lot of IT work in my job. I know that the average user's report is partly wrong or missing information, but I know I have to ask the right questions to try to get the info I need to fix the problem. I also know that if I have to call tech support that they might assume I am an average user and they have to test certain things first, but I can talk them through what I have done to demonstrate my knowledge on the subject so they can figure out where I am at. I have found the same to be true with cars problems, electrical issues, and other things. I have never found the ability to do that with health stuff, doctors, dietitians, or PTs. They seem to have an undying belief that you are the average idiot and incapable of change and then will adamantly lie about it. It is very frustrating. I use to think that maybe I have a bad doctor who refers me to all these bad doctors, but after moving around I think it is just the norm.

Looking around online that is the word that keeps popping up. I couldn't particularly find any that actually looked like mine though. The top, roof, looks like home siding to me honestly. Everything else in my house and yard seems to really well made. This porch doesn't seem like it though. So it make me feel like maybe I am just not understanding it's worth. Haha I guess I feel that it might hold my weight decently. I am afraid it is going to rip holes in the places where the roof is attached to the metal below. I think that would happen well before I could destroy the cross supports in a way that would compromise the structural integrity much. This bracket it heavy duty: I guess looking at it the best bet would be like you said @Rusk to put it in the section next to that bracket. It appears to attach my porch to the fascia of the house? It's a little hard to tell from the picture, but the two sections by the anchors are shorter to the cross members and do both feel stronger.

Yes, it is my knee that has been bothering me. It hurts anytime I try to do most things athletically. Squats and cycling for sure, but lots of other things it comes and goes. It bothers me sometimes on Deadlifts, Kettle bell swings, rowing, planks(!?!) and even pull ups(!?!). I have been trying to do it myself and with the help of my coach at the gym, but what it hurts on doesn't really make sense. It has been an issue off and on since 2015. As such I really haven't been going to PT all that long in comparison. Sometimes I think it is helping. Other times I think the muscle tension is worse. Really I think it is some sort of muscle imbalance. I had it in the past with my traps/pecks which gave me issues for quite a while. I feel completely unable to express myself about the whole thing. I try to explain and they talk to me like I have never heard of the principles before or act like I am exaggerating about my adherence in the past . Having the appointments in the morning doesn't help as I'm not much of a morning person. The ability to communicate is the first thing to go when I am frustrated too. I will keep at it. I have two more appointments (I misread before) so I will see what happens. I had a tech/assistant the last three weeks so I see the PT again tomorrow for the first time in 3 weeks.

Just catching up to everything. Sorry you didn't quite make it. I totally get what you mean. There needs to just be a time when you recognize your emotions. There is a sense of minimizing that can sting in situations like this, by telling you how well you did. I think this is sort of the example of reach for the stars and you'll land on the moon. Is landing on the moon impressive? Yes, but you wanted more. That said we'd be terrible support if we let you stay there. I know you said you feel better already, I'm sure it will improve. A part of you will hold onto it as drive for the next attempt I'm sure. Sorry weather ended up so bad. Glad you got so far though and it seems you persevered for quite some time. Seems you are ready to move to the next challenges. Good Luck!

I totally agree. Quick deviations are one thing, but I track times pretty religiously and that stuff screws it up. I do group workouts and I have a huge problem with my class they are kinda lax on doing the rests as prescribed. It changes the work out if you skip the rest and if they do, I have to as well or I screw up the class. It drives me crazy!!

Diet: I am going to cancel this goal. I have too much going on to try to work on this right now. PT: Been faithful on my PT. My muscles are tight. I need to mobilize more. "Run": So we had this strange storm come through and it actually rained quite a bit. Friday afternoon through this morning was really nice. So I did a Run interval last night. 7 min easy run and 3 minute walk x4. It went pretty good. It was nice just to be out in the cool air. To-Do List: 66/100 - Got some progress on my list. I took advantage of the soaked ground and pulled as much of the tumbleweeds in the alley as I could. I hoed the rest of them on one half of the yard. I ran out of daylight. I really need to work on some of the higher priority stuff, but most of it is stuff I need to do on the computer and I didn't want to waste the good weather. == The pull up bar is working out pretty good. I just try to do a pull up strict from my toes (which means I am not starting from a hang maybe 150°?) every once and a while. So far it is getting easier. The rings are still on my back porch. Not really sure whether it is ok to use there or not. I want to go to the hardware store to try to see what the porch is made out of so I can look up loading specs. I will probably move them in the meantime. If you structural knowledge my set up is here:

Yeah, I do think there are great PTs out there. I am actually a pretty big fan of Kelly Starrett, I have been helped greatly by his books and some of the free videos. He is a PT. I think the problem is exactly what you said the average patient lies about doing the work, is sedentary, doesn't do mobility work, and if they are working out, probably have terrible form. Sitting is the new smoking and so they now ask if you have a desk job and if you say yes they get on a soap box. Last Tuesday I told the guy that I was mobilizing 30 minutes a day for over 3 months and not seeing results. I will have to take a look at @jstanlick thread. I have had issues in that arena too. I think that is part of why I am so frustrated. I see the same thing happening and I don't know how to find the right people without spending a fortune (or maybe that is too late, another fortune?)

Diet: I am going to cancel this goal. I have too much going on to try to work on this right now. PT: I have been doing well on this. I was pretty frustrated with the PT when I realized I only had two appointments left and hadn't noticed a difference at all. PT in general is very frustrating to me. They give exercises then walk off and there is very limited time to ask any questions to make sure I am doing it right or ask questions. I know PT is slow work, I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem paying 80 a session to be generically told to stretch (no specifics) and them acting like I am being impatient, but I have been mobilizing for quite a while trying to fix this. It immediately tightens up within 24 hours. I have been doing many of these exercises on my own before I started PT. When I try to explain that they brush it off. I really hate PT. I feel like it is a rip off. It doesn't have to be, but I don't know how to make this work. "Run": This is gonna have to be put on hold. I have way too much to do and the PT is taking up my time. To-Do List: 39/100 - I have a bunch of things to add to my list. I have so little time and I am too stressed to focus well.

I can't quite do pull ups from a hang yet. I have to kip, which I don't want to do especially on a door frame bar. Just negative pull ups and starting from my tippy toes. You know for the longest time, before I owned one, looking at the bar I couldn't for the life of me figure out how it worked. Haha. Fortunately the place I wanted to put it works well and I can leave it there most of the time. I live alone and my dog would prefer it not stay on the floor if he has any opinion of it at all. So I'll probably just move it when company comes over. I had forgotten that they don't work on all frames. I have read about people buying a bar then it not working anywhere at their house.

One would think. The rattling just bothers me. I think a trip to the hardware store is in order. I want to see if I can figure out what this beam is called and what it's application is. As I was looking up steel specs this morning I remembered steel framing. They are pretty thin and yet are strong enough to build houses. That said they are put together in such a way that makes them more sturdy.

I am shocked, but it is magnetic. It's so thin though. I tried them on the support and I could hear the porch shaking. I don't know, it seemed sturdy, but I'm just not sure. I was actually looking for a little more instability. My main goal right now is just for holds. I wanted something similar difficulty wise to what my gym has. So while I could do tuck holds, I was hoping to progress into more. GMB keeps showing ring stuff on their feeds and I thought it would be cool to work on it. They focus required seems really appealing right now.

A magnet that makes sense. I will check it when I get home. Thanks.

I found some cheap rings and decided to get them. I got them home and put them on my back porch rafters, but I forgot the back porch is an add-on made from metal. So I was wondering if any of you are the kind of nerds that can help me out on this. I didn't do this add-on so I don't know what the materials are. I think maybe aluminium. But I'm not sure what the options are it just stricts me as flimsy for steel. However I do know the metal is pretty thin and certainly is no steel I beam. The supports are in the shape of C's (backside is flat not an I beam.) If you see the screw there is nothing on the back side. So I am thinking it is only meant to take weight from the top not with downward force on the beam independent of the top roof. Here is a look at the porch. It is about 10 ft wide. As I look at it I think that if I use the rings there as is it will not be good. Especially after looking at the screw with nothing below. Originally I was thinking of putting the straps on either side of the attachment point thinking it would help distribute the weight, but as is it seems to me that it would just pop out the screw faster. However this is all just gut feeling, I really have no idea. I was hoping to use the porch, because it would allow me to stand to get into a hold. Also I understand the longer the strap the less steady they are. Any thoughts? My other options is attaching them to a door frame pull up bar or hanging them from a clothesline pole. Both would be fairly short, making it a little harder to get into the holds.