LittleMissSunshine

Thanks for the support, guys. It means a lot. Ian Fin 8 - I'm doing the Centaur Subaru Half Marathon at the Calgary Marathon this year. It wasn't my intended goal race for 2014 - I had originally planned to go to Vegas and do the half on the Strip at night. But this one in Calgary is local for me, and that cuts down on the expense considerably! I am also thinking about the Dinosaur Valley Half in September in Drumheller. I did the 10K there in 2012 and it was amazing, but it may interfere with plans to do the Spartan Super and/or Beast. TXWarrior - the child analogy? Amazing. And timely. Sh*t went sideways at home again yesterday in a pretty serious way and I totally thought about what you said as we were in the middle of our disagreement. And I think that as a result of keeping that in mind, and also the wise words of some other close friends, I kept a lid on my temper and didn't escalate it into a full-on emotional brawl. I did make some poor food choices as a result, but that was yesterday. Today is a new day! Update on the Quest: Tuesday was alright. Played hockey, did some push ups and squats when I got home. Not as much as I would have liked to have done, but the game was faster than I expected, and compounded by the fact that I took a shoulder check to the head and was laid out pretty hard. Still, good. And I ate breakfast, so check! Wednesday was also not too bad - check for eating breakfast, and check for another quickie bodyweight workout. I also was on my feet all day as I escorted a group from my daughter's grade 1 class all around a local museum, and played a rough ball hockey game in the evening. Got my first penalty of the season and I don't feel bad about it at all.

I'd say the Ta Ta Tamers are closer to "real" bra sizes. I wear a 34DD in fancy bras and a 36D in the Ta Ta Tamer. The sizing chart was pretty accurate for me. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Current battle song is Count Your Bruises by The Flatliners. It's upbeat, I love the lyrics, and the title is highly appropriate for me given that I received no less than four new bruises playing ball hockey on Sunday, and a favourite conversation topic amongst my teammates is comparing bruise locations and severity.

I hear you on the sleeplessness. I bailed on yesterday's 30m on the treadmill because I hadn't slept in over a day. Better to rest and set yourself back a bit on your training than to push too hard when your body isn't ready for it.

The most important tip for learning to cook: slow down. Don't get your heat cranked up too high. Take your time and pay attention. You can totally do it. I've taught many people to cook, it's not as hard as it looks! And starting out with simple recipes can be a real confidence-booster, too.

TXWarrior, thank you for the comments! I will absolutely not disregard, because you have said some things that are important for me to keep in the back of my brain. Being open and respectful has been hard for me, because he has not shown me the same courtesy, so I tend to be volatile. In addition, I tend to internalize a lot of the hurtful things I hear - way back when I did counseling in my early 20s, I remember my counselor commenting that I seem to say horrible things to myself in an effort to make the horrible things said by other people hurt less. I totally do. And then I retreat into an internal cave of shame and pain and lash out when anyone comes near. I recognize that, and it is so hard to break that cycle. But we had another 'issue' this week, the details of which I won't divulge quite so publicly. And rather than explode like I have in the past and throw out poisoned barbs that are designed to injure rather communicate, I actually stepped back and kept my calm. I think it had an impact. I am learning to tread the fine line between open and vulnerable, because I cannot be the latter with him at the current time. Hoping that when the counselling comes through (in the next few days) that I will develop some techniques to both keep things calm, and also feel emotionally safe. Also re: fat bottomed girls? HELL YEAH. I have a booty and I'm proud of it.

This made me laugh out loud in the middle of my quiet office. I got a few stares. I agree with either modifying your current bra, or finding a more supportive one. Racerbacks are often good. Bounce prevention is important for me at all times of the month, so I have several bras for just such a scenario.

I just talk about it as matter-of-factly as I can. I twisted my ankle and it's still tender, I'm tired because I didn't sleep last night, oh hey my period started and I feel kind of run down. Whatever. It's a period, not an infectious disease. I don't really care if dudes are squicked out about it, I'm not asking them to get in there and check it out.

I've had varying levels of bustiness. At my (nursing) largest I was a 38F, and I wore an Enell bra that was like some kind of torture device. I had to put it on like a vest, and it had so many hooks to do up. But you know? It held them in place. No moving, no bouncing. It worked like a charm. And I wasn't even in the biggest size they make, so clearly they also work for ladies bustier than I was. I'm still pretty busty but significantly smaller, and now I'm into the Lululemon Ta Ta Tamers. Stupidest name ever for a bra, but they're comfortable and keep my still DD girls in check for running and playing ball hockey.

beefit - I'm usually a short-distance runner. Most of my runs just for the sake of running are in the 4-7k range, usually around 5.5k because it's a convenient distance for me to run both in time and in route during my lunch break at work. Admittedly my runs have been short lately, even shorter than my usual 5.5k, because I've had to run on the treadmill or outside in the snow and I've given up sooner than I would if I were running outdoors in good conditions. I haven't had my run buddies with me lately, and that makes it easier for me to quit sooner than I would otherwise. So. That said, yesterday was a gong show. I knew going into it that I was likely not going to do as well as I'd planned. I didn't sleep *at all* Sunday night, and by the time I got home from work, I knew I wasn't going to make it to Scouts either. 15 minutes of napping on the bus was all the sleep I'd had in 36 hours by that point. I was texting with a friend, and he urged me to just go to bed and not even attempt 30 minutes on the treadmill, so I did. I did, however, make some progress on my Life Quests. I tucked myself into bed with my laptop and a book nice and early after putting the kids to bed. Spent an hour crunching the mid-month budget assessment, and am very happy with where the money is going. Nearly halfway through the month and I have spent only 27% of my allotted personal allowance. Hoping to come in well under my maximum this month, to allow for some extra to go onto the debt. Also rearranged the credit card debt onto low-interest LOCs as a first step in committing to paying this sh*t off as quickly as possible. Life Quest #2 got some love as well - I spent an hour reading Brene Brown's Daring Greatly. It was a gift from one of my besties, and I cannot express how much I have learned from this book despite being only a small fraction of the way through it. I read and re-read and re-read again this section on shame, and identified with it so much. So. Much. It was uncomfortable and relieving at the same time. Tears were shed. After that, the laptop came out again and Life Quest #3 got a kickstart. Not so much in the socializing way that I intended when I first wrote my goals, but still in a being-vulnerable way. I accepted a referral for a free counselling session from a friend of a friend who works in non-profit and has such connections, and also connected with my employer-provided EAP for some "E-Counselling", which is essentially email/secure message-based counselling, as my schedule is such that the stress of finding time to phone or go to an in-person appointment would be an incredible source of stress. My husband is not so thrilled at the fact that I am pursuing individual counselling, and it was a source of great tension (and almost an argument) last night. But I went to bed feeling good about putting myself out there to deal with how I'm feeling and finding strategies to cope as I try to maintain my sanity in separation limbo, even if he can't get behind it. Goals for today: Remember to eat (lack of sleep and stress make me starve myself). Play ball hockey tonight, and play hard. Do a quick bodyweight workout before bed - 15 minutes is better than nothing.

Ahhh, the cycle of punishment and reward! I get that. It has been a downfall of mine as well, and I agree that it's a terrible habit to fall into, and likely the root of some problems. The support of friends is invaluable - I also fall into the same pattern of not caring so much when someone else is watching. That's part of the reason I'm here, I need to be accountable, and not just sweep it under the proverbial rug.

Working out at home counts as success to me! You didn't sit on the couch, and that's what really matters.

I need to add that carb goal to my list. Maybe next time around! White carbs are my nemesis and my best friend, haha.

Just reading over your quest - great goals. I can totally related to the obese family thing - my mom's heart attack at age 51 was my wake-up call. I've found in my 2+ years of trying to live healthier, that what you eat will have a more dramatic impact on weight loss than the training. I can train and train and train but if I'm eating garbage, the flab goes nowhere. Also, the very mention of handstand push ups makes me dizzy. I can hardly do a set of regular ones! T-Rex arms here.

Reading that you had such a good day gave me a smile this morning. So glad to read it. I understand the fear-but-doing-it-anyway thing - I tackled a similar beast yesterday. Here's to more days like yesterday!