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Everything posted by Kishi

  1. GOAL: 2/5 Man, it's easy to drop off. That's what makes this a challenge. Wednesday was good. Worked from home. Got enough work done to skip out and go to BJJ; it was a no-gi class. Worked on set-ups for triangle choke from guard. Was complimented on my fluidity by the blue belt I practiced with, and then spent the sparring rounds getting killed by color belts until the last round I found a white belt and... destroyed him. I really think he was being nice to me or else just wasn't in the moment as much as he needed to be. I know I'm doing better, but I'm not doing that much better. Went back home, worked some more, finished up, then went back to the mats for more mat time. This time it was striking work. I need to get this while I can; my friends wanting to hammer me on grappling want to practice on Wednesday nights, so with my Monday nights being taken by my nerd friends and Wednesday now being taken by my grappling friends, I really won't have much in the way of drill work to speak of. Friday, I could do striking work, but that's also the only sparring class we do, so. I'm missing out on a lot in either way, which is annoying and sucks. I might just stick to drill work until a striking tournament comes up and then just switch over. Oh well. Anyway, went and struck and coach, who's a purple belt in BJJ, came by and said he was proud of me for competing, which was nice of him to say. Came back home, did some stretching and did some kettlebell sport swings as opposed to hardstyle. Their technique is kind of funky, but it's easier on my back and gets my heart moving, especially since I only breathe with my nose. I'm not skipping rope because the outdoor part of the deck is under reconstruction, and indoors has lots of stuff that could fall if I jumped, because I'm a lot heavier than I look. Today's plan is to go do core work, hit up BJJ, and then afterward go to see Kyle Kinane, a comic I like who never seems to come to Raleigh until he did. I was hoping to go with my writer friend in lieu of writing tonight, but she had a COVID exposure so she's laying low. Good on her for caring about other people. Guess I'm on my own.
  2. I honestly think the "Do 1 Thing" format is the best way. Because you don't know how the one thing is going to interact with and change all the other everything you got going on, and there' s no telling what'll shake out how. I hope you have fun with the yoga! Any particular problem areas or focus for you this go 'round?
  3. Howdy! Kishi here. It's the start of a new challenge, and I really only have one goal: show up here. I'm sure I could really put together a bunch of stuff for a challenge thread, but truthfully, everything's kind of set as well as I can expect it to be for now. A lot of life at this point is really just about showing up and doing the work. But that part's easy. The hard part's showing up here. And while I'd be the first to say that challenges are "done" rather than "talked about," at the end of the day, I'm still part of a community. I don't feel like I've engaged enough for my own sake, and I'd like to change that. Now, it might sound too easy and too self-serving to set up a "show up and blog" challenge for myself, but the thing is, y'all are awesome, and being here reminds me of that. It pushes me to show up for others, and I'd hate to put a number on something like that and turn it into an obligation. So, with that being said: GOAL: 1/4 I had a bjj tournament this past Saturday. Not my first. Best showing, though: 1 round, 1:33. Yeah, it's not great. But the odds say that most of us what show up to do this have to lose, so it's not like I was unusual or something. Also, my dad showed up to watch, and while I hated losing in front of him, I actually felt overall positive on account of being able to explain what I did and how I lost. Sunday I went to open mat with video of my failure. They were cool about it and they've since decided to make me their pet project by fixing my two deficit areas - takedowns and pressure response. Which means I'm going to get chucked around like a ragdoll and have the life crushed out of me for the next x amount of weeks until I have demonstrated sufficient improvement. But honestly? It's damn decent of my friends to want to help me get better at something I care a lot about, and I really appreciate them for it. So, I'm going to keep working on these places and we'll see what happens. FWIW, I've reaped benefits almost immediately. Beyond that, the past few days have been relatively inconvenient, but not eventful per se. Landlord's putting new siding on the apartment and the contractors knocked out our Internet. So that took a couple of days to deal with. Had to go to the office on my out days (booooooo) but my boss decided to let me count Monday and Tuesday as my two days in and to work the rest of the week from home (YUSSS). Meditation and breathing have been good. Haven't been about my writing so much as I'd like, which is a shame because I'm at a really exciting part in the plan. I have a crazy notion that I could finish my plan in time to NaNo this thing in a couple months, which would be fun. You know, have an actual project to do instead of farting around and proving to myself again that I'm a writer. And, uh, yeah. I'll get around to y'all as I can. Because
  4. Thank you all! * Oh man, I chilled and vibe'd myself so hard that I missed the start of the next challenge! I gotta get on that but in the meantime my thanks to everyone who stopped by. Special thanks to @Jupiter, @Mad Hatter, @Mistr, @Scaly Freak, @Tanktimus the Encourager, and @WhiteGhost for following along. See you next round! Which is... oh, it's now
  5. Exciting news! Got the word yesterday that, with the onset of September, I was cleared for telework from home! My boss and I blitzed through the paperwork and I'll be starting the new schedule next week! Because in this place, joy functions at the speed of bureaucracy But, yeah, that was freaking welcome to hear. I guess by complaining to my higher-ups, I accidentally advocated for myself and I got a good result out of it. It helps that I had a lot of good work to back me up and the support of my immediate supervisor as well. Trained yesterday, this time doing fast stuff. No uptick in symptoms. Today will be a rest day per protocol to see if I lapse back or anything, but if everything goes well, I'll resume the normal course of things starting tomorrow. I'm actually not sure if we have class tomorrow or not since apparently we are to be moving the mats to the new place. I have questions about what this means. I suppose I'll get them answered if I help tomorrow. I played around with some numbers on the PSMF protocol and, basically, I can't do it. I need too much protein between my bodyweight stuff and the mat stuff and I would exceed the calorie allotment just on protein alone, which is before you get to the associated fats you'd get with whole foods and getting just enough veggies to keep fiber in the system. I guess we'll just have to keep on with slow and steady and getting to know my body better, and adjust as I do more and more strenuous things in GST and mat space. Otherwise, though, went and wrote with friends and had a good time. Figured out the problem I was trying to solve and made progress. Good. Tonight will be easy and casual. No plans.
  6. I'm sorry to hear your company was so dissatisfied with a few people that they decided to punish you for it. That sucks. Thanks! - And today is today. Got home yesterday and elected to do 'slow' training - stretching, bridge work, farmer's carries. Nothing to get the heart moving too hard for too long. Did some qigong afterward. Meditated before bed, but no other breath work. Researched a technique I saw at open mat last Sunday; the purple belt I saw doing it says it's one thing but when I mimic it and see it on video, it sure does look like something else. Oh well. A little late in the game to be trying to pick up new stuff, but a little late in the game to be sick off the mats. Nobody's perfect. I'm trying to look ahead of the tournament to figure out what I want to do next. I've been measuring my bodyfat percentages and they keep coming back in the "Obese" range, so I reckon that's something I gotta do something about. Mark Sisson posted a blog recently about Protein Sparing Modified Fasting, which sounds crazy and restrictive and possibly just like what the doctor ordered. Thing is, it's a scientifically backed crash diet, and there's no point in crash dieting if 1) it wouldn't be advised for me, and 2) I couldn't maintain the results. So the adult thing to do is probably to talk it over with my doctors, since I have no idea what my thyroid would do in a situation like that, and I might not be cleared for it. But that's after the tournament. Right now, my weight's actually doing pretty well; I seem to have stabilized on the high end of my weight class, which is about where I want to be. No reason to gum it up now. Speaking of weight classes and tournaments: my academy's moving! Looks like our building's getting gobbled up by developers in the Warehouse District, so now they're moving closer to where I work. It's almost like they want me there more. So... yeah. Should be a writing night tonight. I feel a bit better and no worse than I did yesterday, so I'm going to go a touch harder and do my core work tonight if I can.
  7. Nice! I love how simple this challenge has been. Also dying to know how the flute playing in LOTRO turned out.
  8. Yeah, and despite my penchant for conspiratorial thinking, I'm pretty sure it's just stupidity and decisions based on an overreliance on certain datasets rather than active malice. A few things to poke holes in my complaints: The goal posts are usually moved around every 6 months or so. It's pretty normal to get a set of goals that nobody succeeds at, and then to have them be adjusted halfway through the fiscal year. I haven't had reason to care for a while on account of not being in compliance with most of those goals. Now that I am - because compliance yields a fundamental change in my situation - I'm drawn to care and complain. Analysts aren't the only ones with work from home. There's a wide range of workers here who have that capacity, and there's no talk from them about any sense of withdrawal of privileges. It's possible that management could be playing games with the analysts in particular as part of some kind of long game, but I don't actually have any evidence of that. Stupidity, I find, is generally a better explanation than malice. I can't really discern a motive for why management would want us back in the building. True, we're paying rent on our building, but 1) we're public sector; we don't necessarily have to justify our expenses in the same way as private sector would, and 2) there are multiple agencies operating in the building now, so the landlord is making money hand over fist compared to when we were in the building; also, 3) even if none of us were in the building, we'd still need the building for storage of paperwork if nothing else. Based on what my supervisor told us, it sounds like this could be coming from above even our upper management. It's the nature of bureaucracy. If the wrong person in the wrong spot cares too much, it makes trouble and it ripples down to the bodies below. It could be that there are other branches where work from home is being "abused," leading to a crackdown across the bureaucracy as a whole. So, as mad as all this makes me, until I have evidence to the contrary, it's best to just assume it's a systemic problem based on artificial hierarchy and dictation from above rather than leadership from below. And that's the kind of crap I'd have to put up with anywhere I went. I thank you for the reminder. I took a look around and while I'll keep looking, the prospects aren't great. Lots of marketing companies with an unwillingness to discuss salaries, which tells me they're either stealth sales jobs or that they're looking to negotiate. There are analyst jobs open in my area of expertise, but their pay range is worse and they'd want to start me off at the bottom, and even if I got to the top of the range, it'd be below what I could make here. I'll keep looking, because why not? But my emotions to the contrary, I really could be in a worse place than where I am now. Thanks as always for worrying about me. * So, not much to say without training. I didn't go out to the mats because of my cough, so I decided to focus on chores and mental stuff. Did laundry, listened to a video lecture on one of the resources I got for fear management. It was constructive, and I'm pleased to report that it's congruous with a lot of what I was doing in terms of meditation and 'learning to breathe.' There may be more to qigong and WHM than I thought. A lot of what I took from it was learning to recognize when I was afraid and trying to get to the root of that fear, something that the stoicism has been helping with. Found a 'fail point' in the story I'm working on, which is awesome to do from the bird's eye view versus being down in the prose. Stared at the problem for a while and may have found a solution; need to go back to some of my worldbuilding and see if it fits, but if it does then I think I have something way more interesting from a character/conflict perspective than just blowing stuff up really good. (not that I'm opposed to blowing stuff up really good, but I want it to feel earned, you know?) Got up this morning. Cough's responding a lot better to medicine than it was yesterday. That's a good sign. No mat time tonight - learned my lesson - but maybe some gentle work to see how far I've recovered. Will adjust from there.
  9. Hmm. Seems more like a parable rather than a prescription to me. If we take doing zen as the task, then it makes sense to do it whenever without thought of reward, but if we take the example literally, then it breaks along the lines you say. I think.
  10. Yeah, man. The theory is that we're always going to have to struggle for more budget to pay for us, so if we pay our newbies so much, then we have justification to bump the paygrades for more experienced analysts because, as you say, it's just whack. In theory, it works. In theory. Of course, assuming that they raise me up, they can apparently only raise me by 10% at most, which would be great if the rolling average for inflation wasn't 8.5% from a year ago. I sound ungrateful and crabby, so to be clear, I welcome anything they can do. The raise might not happen, and even getting bumped to parity with the newbies would be welcome. But I can't help knowing what I know. * Monday, I heard back from my boss' boss about the work from home situation. Basically, I wasn't denied so much as they aren't processing clearances until the employee review process is complete for the entire agency. I don't understand that justification. My review is fine and all the dude has to do is sign a piece of paper, but he's not willing to do it until everyone else is done. Today, we got to go over our new goals for the coming fiscal year and something about it has my dander up. The non-corporate spun version is that the agency wants us to focus on two very different kinds of cases such that to work on one type actively interferes with the other type. It results in a new way for us to fail to meet expectations, and if you fail in even one category, you lose the 'privilege' of working from home. My dander's up about this because my suspicion is that the agency wants us all back in the office, but they know that we're all miserable and we hate working here, so they can't just out and say it. But they can adjust our working goals, and if we all fail to meet our expectations and just happen to wind up back in the office, well. That's our fault, isn't it? My boss says she and the other supervisors went round and round with upper management about it; maybe they did and maybe they didn't. Who could tell for all the good it did? 🙄 At least I got to go hang with friends afterward. After forcing our host through a few eps of Spy x Family, we are being punished with season 2 of Superman and Lois. I say 'punished,' but it's no punishment. It's actually been really good, although I don't think it's quite as good as season 1. Some of the conflict feels too forced for my liking, and it leads to some relative low points, but when it clicks, it's really good. Anyway, went to bed with the beginnings of a dry cough and woke up this morning with a productive cough. I'm off the mats tonight. Damn. Fortunately, I have a video library to study now, and that's proving to be effective for me.
  11. Well, it's been a long week, and I'm not even tracking any of the stuff I was supposed to be doing. The past 5 days have been pretty eventful. Lot of highs, lot of lows. Didn't really stabilize 'til today. So, Wednesday, things went well. I got out in time and was able to make it out to the mats, and a lot of things went right. I've been playing with a new way to throw a lead hook and I was sure it wasn't going to work, but it did, and arguably better than the way that I was taught to throw a hook. Always good to find new things to learn. BJJ afterward was no-gi, and I had good rolls afterward with everyone I rolled with. It helped that I was at least 20 lbs heavier than everyone. Thursday, I got the word at the job that my request to work from home was denied. No reason given for it at the time, just a "We're not having this conversation right now, check back in a month or two" kind of thing. Which, no lie, was pretty damn demoralizing, after everything I'd done to get here. But at least I got to go out that night and write with friends afterward. Friday I got word that our pay grades have been adjusted starting with the newest analysts first, who are now making more than me. It's not supposed to stop with them, of course, but there doesn't appear to be a timetable for when they'll get around to analysts at my level. And I mean, you know, it's great that the newbies are making more money. It really is. But these 'grade adjustments' tend to be applied pretty unevenly and it's very possible to get screwed out of a raise just because things go wrong. I'm quietly working to figure out how to get myself demoted if that's what it takes, because honestly, why not? More money for less and easier work? Sign me up. Saturday I got to go out to lunch with my folks. Brother got to come along and hang as well. It was really nice to be able to get everyone together, and the restaurant was a good one too. Sunday, I went out to open mat. I'm apparently rolling very well, and I got to pick up some more scarf hold trickery, which I'm always fond of doing. All of this is tinged by me having picked up some kind of head cold on Friday. I decided to push my luck a bit and train through some, on account of the tournament being up soon and I don't really have the time for the normal protocol. Things held off okay until Sunday and through to today, which feels like it got worse but then got around the bend. I'll probably have to rest this off, which I hate to do, but it's necessary. Anyway, life has been eventful enough that I've felt lucky when I can get a chance to just sit, so I really can't say that I've been diligent in tracking my goals or anything like that. I'm in a state of emotionally positive apathy - I feel good about life, but I don't really care about much. Which I guess means that my goals weren't properly aligned this time. I don't know. I don't care. I'm writing and enjoying what I write, I practice breathing when I can, and my meditation's been a daily habit for a while now. So with all that, I think I'm just gonna focus on taking things a day at a time. Try to get some rest and feel better. Keep studying. Roll with what's going on when and how I can. That kind of thing.
  12. Goal 1: 18/23 Goal 2: 12/23 Goal 3: 17/23 Just a quick catch-up. Things played out Friday as I knew they would, almost like clockwork. It was a relatively easy Friday as a result, but I still hate missing time. Saturday, I made drill time. Moved well, but they wanted to do strength work - get in someone's guard, lift them up, and then carry them a few steps. My partner could carry me. I wasn't strong enough to carry my partner, though. I mean, in my defense, he was allegedly 220 lbs, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was bigger than that. Good news was, all the other movement drills we did, I did well, so that was cool. Rolling afterward, I rolled with a kid who was getting coached through by a black belt. I didn't realize until afterward that the kid was the black belt's son, which, I mean. It's something to consider. I was a good partner for him, though; I apparently gave him just enough work without being too much. Felt good to walk off the mats having done that. Sunday, I made the open mat. Rolled really well. I'm able to remember a thing or two thanks to all the extra homework I'm doing and I was able to hit a couple moves consciously. Picked up some stuff from the purple belt who's been visiting us lately, which is good. Off-mat training has continued. Goal stuff was pretty smooth until Sunday, when I just ran out of time to both be social and do the stuff I wanted to do. Was able to meditate and write yesterday but didn't really get time to breathe until after I was full of food, and that just... nah, no good. But today's a new day! Had the final meeting I need to have to get cleared for work from home. Just have some paperwork to get signed off so I can input the formal request so that I can get more paperwork signed off. It will definitely not happen in time for me to play hooky and get extra mat time, but at least it's happening.
  13. Well, she doesn't know that my work is done early, and even if she did it wouldn't matter. The job is more concerned with a butt being in the seat for 8 hours and isn't necessarily lenient about it if you get done early. Mostly because most of us don't think in terms of how much work we have to do to meet our quotas. We think in terms of time. And if she saw me leave early, she wouldn't see someone who finished fast, she'd see someone trying to sneak out, and she'd think it'd be terribly unfair. Management would take her side in that fight. "Oh, you're getting a lot done now, but just imagine how much better you could do if you were here at all hours. Not to mention, we're not paying you to finish early, so sit down for a while. " * Goal 1: 15/19 Goal 2: 10/19 Goal 3: 14/19 And done is done. Haven't been here because, again, it's always busy. At least all the challenge stuff has gone well the past few days. Tuesday, I missed mat time. Wednesday, I didn't. Did some no-gi work and picked up some extra points to study. I've been building a video playlist on YouTube of the techniques I pick up so that I can actually, you know, retain something. It seems to be helping; I feel like I put up a good fight during the rolls rather than just getting smashed all the time. Thursday I went out and wrote. Figured out some story problems and solved them, made more problems in the initial solution, and solved those as well, and wound up leaning out the draft a bit, at least on plan. My overall idea at this point is that it's easier to bulk up a lean draft than it is to cut a bulky one, so it feels good to have stripped and reconfigured some non-essential bits. Today, I'm hoping to finish early, but the work is shaping up hairy and Friday I usually wind up with a visitor and also long chat with my boss. If I can, I'll get to the mats. If not, well, it's not planned mat time, so no loss but for the fact that I want to go.
  14. Goal 1: 12/16 Goal 2: 7/16 Goal 3: 12/16 Man oh man. Saturday was fine, I got done what I wanted done. Sunday and Monday were busy all day, basically from the jump. Sunday I got up and got out to open mat, came back and hung out with friends, did some stretching, and then went home to visit my folks before coming back in time to finish laundry and go to bed. Monday, I had to go to the office, but got lucky enough to be the last one in, so I was cleared to leave and I was able to get out in order to get home, train, and then go off to hang with friends again. Today, I got to the office late, and I'm not in trouble, but I can't sneak out because a coworker who's here later than me will be available to tell on me if I try. So I'll be at work late enough to miss mat time tonight. Despite the fact that I've done all the work I need to do and I'm way ahead of everyone else. As usual. Eff this job. 🙄 At least they're trying to get me back to work from home, but it's not been cleared yet. Can't happen too soon.
  15. Hey! Just dropping a line to say that I hope the plan's carried off well and you're getting done what you wanted to. Let us know if there's anything we can do!
  16. Goal 1: 11/13 Goal 2: 6/13 Goal 3: 11/13 Eeeh. I just didn't feel like it. Okay, sorry, I should qualify that a little bit. I got up yesterday morning and I got a call from my boss. We've had a lot of rain this week and we had a real big storm come through the night before and knock out the power in the office. We were told to telework, and I'd brought my computer home already so it worked just fine. And I got caught up in the work and didn't really keep my focus on the stuff I wanted to do. Toward the end of the day, my Writer Friend had a full meltdown in shared social media space when she found out the chickens she was keeping might have Gapeworm. Nobody else offered to help, so I did, and keeping my eye on her until she ultimately cooled down and decided she didn't need my help was... a lot, and a while. By the time that was done, I really didn't have a desire to go and do anything else, and I had to make some time up for my Monday tardiness, so I stayed back and worked. I guess that at the end of all that, I just felt like I'd earned some rest, so I just meditated a little before bed and that was it. Got up early enough to train and get out to the mats today. Had a bit of a burnout session today; ended up having to sequence a bunch of drills for reps and I was toasted by the time that was done. Was told by people that I'd improved a lot, which was good to hear, because everyone I got to spar with after was either higher rank, higher weight, or both, and I got squished like a bug. One blue belt in particular kept getting me with the same move over and over again - Americana from side control - and he was heavy enough and dominant enough in side control that nothing he told me helped at all. I'm kind of mad about it, which is just an emotional response. Guy was bigger, heavier, and more skilled; there's really not a world where I could have beat him at all, but I'm frustrated that I couldn't follow instructions and progress. It's scary. Especially since I'm not applying the stuff I learned before to get around side control. But all it means is that I need more practice. I knew that already. Nothing important has changed. Anyway, spent most of today working more overtime, and then just kind of chilling out. I've got time this evening to get after what I want to do, and I want to do it. So. Might as well get after it.
  17. Goal 1: 10/12 Goal 2: 6/12 Goal 3: 11/12 Huzzah, another good day. Balanced my job with my work, so to speak. No particular notes for yesterday beyond dietary/weight observations. Since my body fat percentage is in a bad place right now, I've been trying to figure out what recomp/maintenance numbers look like, since I 1) have a responsibility to my body to take care of myself, but also 2) benefit from being relatively heavy with a tournament coming up. I've noticed that with my body, it's very, very sensitive to carb intake; over the course of this week, I've swung from the middle of the "Light Heavyweight" category down into the "Lightweight" category today. (So, like ~185 lbs to 167 lbs this morning). Which is a big swing. The only thing I can account for with it is that on some days, I'm eating carbs, and other days I'm not; the reason for the cycling is because when I've eaten more high carb, it's gone to storage. Meaning that the stuff I'm doing right now just doesn't tap those reserves in the way I need to to burn excess fat off. The key determinant right now seems to be whether or not I've got mat time or not. Handstands are more skill vs strain, and as for the other stuff I'm doing in terms of core/upper body stuff, it's just not there yet. It might change that way in time, and I'm going to have to be mindful and watch myself and adjust. Same with leg stuff; that's just too brief right now, and most of what I'm doing there is concerned with mobility and flexibility versus actual strength. Weighted carries and skipping rope will also affect this, but they aren't being programmed as calorie sinks so much as rehab/conditioning, and their effects are going to build over time versus having acute effects. Which, again, that's just another thing to watch and adjust. It'd be fun to figure out if I can influence my weight such that I can stealth my way into a lower weight class and then gain 20 lbs on my opponents. It'd be a troll move, and also I'm not sure if that'd have negative consequences or not, but still. Of course, I'd probably get stuck with some ex-college wrestler and get twisted into a pretzel 20 seconds in, so. :D :D :D
  18. Goal 1: 9/11 Goal 2: 5/11 Goal 3: 10/11 Yesterday carried off like I needed it to! Got chores done while working and managed to get out to the mats, where we worked on takedowns. Didn't do as well rolling as I wanted to, but I learned a thing or two, and if I can apply it then it's not a big deal. The notable problem yesterday was that while I got chores done alongside the work, I didn't get my goals out of the way alongside the work, which is my fault. I wound up getting them done late, but I had some leftovers I was able to reheat to get food down and then get to bed at a reasonable time. Today, I was able to get my goals done at the office, which is what I was wanting to see happen. It's good, because I'm going off to visit a purple belt in Hillsborough tonight, which is gonna be a long way there and back. I get the feeling that a good bedtime will be a struggle tonight, but it's always a struggle these days, so it's not like that's a change.
  19. Goal 1: 7/9 Goal 2: 3/9 Goal 3: 8/9 Okay. So, writing and meditation are good. WHM is going good but not going often, and that's a problem in terms of numbers? But not in terms of effects, so. It's not bad. Anyway, most of yesterday's report was done yesterday. Today I'm working from home, which means training and chores and other things can get done alongside the job so that I can get out to the mats. Good times.
  20. Awesome, good to see you! * Goal 1: 6/8 Goal 2: 3/8 Goal 3: 7/8 Welp! Sunday didn't go great goalswise. No excuses. I got up early enough to get stuff done but all I really did was faff about during the morning. Open mat was canceled on account of everyone being injured or wanting to rest, and then one of 'em texted that he wanted some help with getting some mats moved, and so I went to help with that. These mats were at a blue belt's house, so after we got them moved, we did some rolling together. I got showed the side mount escape they were talking about - basically, you fight for an underhook toward your legs and then use that to explode out and do a back take, which is a process I've seen a couple videos of and usually gets stopped by the overhook. But there's a counter to the counter which I've got some practice with, so the real trick is to think of that as the way out and to go fight for it, which if I do that consistently will be very good. I don't do that very consistently now. That whole thing went long enough for me to have to skedaddle over to my parents' place for dinner. And after that, it was back home; I was full enough of food that breathing didn't feel good, but meditation did, so it happened. No writing, though. Bummer. :( Did handstand work this morning and risked going to work late. Was really late and while I didn't get in trouble - no lectures, no stink eyes, nothing - I still feel like I burned a bunch of social capital. Time-intensive training like that is probably off limits until I can get myself down early enough to be up early enough for it to not be a problem. We're not there yet, and it's anybody's guess as to when we will be. Anyway, nerd night got moved to tonight going forward, so I gotta get home and get done what I can before heading out again. I earned a "work from home" day for tomorrow that I'm going to take. Boss says she's hoping to have that conversation with her boss this week. We'll see what happens.
  21. Yeah, it does! I'd like for it to happen soon, and I'm hopeful about it. But I have work to do between here and whenever that happens, and as hard as it might be now, it'll only be harder if I don't keep up. * Goal 1: 5/7 Goal 2: 3/7 Goal 3: 7/7 So Friday didn't carry off like I wanted it to. I did get to sneak out early, but when I got home I thought I'd be able to do my home training and make time to get to the mats, and that didn't happen. So I missed out again. So, I confronted myself about that and I realized that this was just the latest iteration of that ongoing problem where I carry on late and later and later. And, I dunno, man. Something about it hit different and I just found this new dedication to being up early...er than I was before. I got to bed relatively early last night and got up in time this morning to train before going out to hit the mats. It was a good time, although I made a mistake and failed to ask the teaching blackbelt about the name of what we did, which complicated research some. But afterward I told my Writer Friend to give me time for meditation and breathing, and I did those things, and it turned out well. Then I went and wrote, and while I'm still in the planning stages, the pieces came together and the character conflicts I wanted to happen kind of rolled off effortlessly. Also, Writer Friend made pickled watermelon rinds. They are delicious. Pickled, sweet, black pepper spicy. Really unique in a good way. I don't think I've ever had anything like it. So today was a damn good day, and I'm confident I can do it again. The work week is going to be a challenge with that, but I think I may have some more latitude to act than I originally thought. My boss really, really doesn't care how late I am coming in to work. As long as I'm producing and continuing to meet and exceed my goals, I don't think she cares at all. It's risky, but I think I can take the mornings to train and then roll in to work late and get everything done at the office that needs to be done. Mat time and the evening wind down would be a lot easier afterward, I think. But none of that can happen if I don't cement this newfound desire to get to bed relatively early. So, past week was pretty rough. But I think I learned something from it. Time will have to tell.
  22. Goal 1: 3/5 Goal 2: 2/5 Goal 3: 5/5 Not a bad day yesterday, but not great from a goals/challenge perspective. Writer Friend had a bad mental health day so she cancelled on me at the last second, and I didn't have enough work done at the office to leave, so I didn't make it out to the mats either. Feels like I'm living out the words of Frederick the Great: "He who defends everything, defends nothing.” There's wisdom in that. I need to prepare better for these vagaries in my fortune. Especially since it sounds like I'm not going to get to return to work from home in time for that to save me. (We had that meeting and my stats are official, but it looks like it has to be cleared by someone further up the chain of command, and knowing who it is, it's really anybody's guess as to whether I'll get cleared and when. My boss says she's doing the best she can, and I believe her, but it's a situation that's pretty far outside of my control, so). In the end, I did my drills and did my core work. Decided to go ahead and do my challenge stuff at home anyway, even though it was Late O'Clock, because I was just sick of not having done them, and it felt really good to do so. Of course, it fed back into the vicious cycle and so I'm stuck on that again today, but, well, I don't regret it. Today, we'll see what happens. Might sneak home early. Might not, depending on what everyone else in the office does. If the secretary's gone, I'm bouncing, and we'll see how it all shakes out.
  23. Goal 1: 2/4 Goal 2: 1/4 Goal 3: 4/4 Hm. Think I need to adjust a bit. I've got some vicious cycles in my time management showing up pretty strongly ATM: I get stuff done late, and that lateness carries forward to other things, and so I'm late and late and late, and it's knocking me out of the rhythms I need to keep in order to get what I want done. Fortunately, this is a simple problem, and the fix is easy enough: get stuff done during the day and on government time. The only hard part about it is being mindful and knowing when to tear myself away from one job to go do the other job. Completely doable. So. Best get it done. I didn't make it out to the mats last night - I did get the opportunity to sneak out but I hadn't completed the job to the extent that I need to in order to keep in everyone's good graces, so I missed out. Fortunately, I did reach out to my open mat friends for stupidly simple side control escapes, and they helped me out a ton. I picked up some video references and our newly acquired purple belt apparently has a high percentage escape he's gonna teach me on Sunday. So it wasn't a complete loss. Otherwise, I did my shadowboxing and drills and bridge work and did farmer's carries. Productive. Weighed myself this morning and I'm at the top of the weight limit for my class. Need to be careful with my nutrition here; I'm only eating ~1700-2000 calories a day or so as I work to figure out what maintenance is, but my weight swings so hard and so far that it's really hard to say on any given day if I've gone too far. I've been weighing myself over the week and using the weekly average to determine what needs to be done. It'd be nice to be able to eat more; I'm never terribly hungry or anything, but it just feels weird to have such a slow metabolism that I can eat at most people's cut numbers and maintain. Of course, if I wanted to, I could fix that problem by making more mat time, but I'd have to cut a bunch of my social ties to do that and I don't find that desirable, so. Just is what it is. Speaking of, tonight should be a writing date with my Writer Friend. We'll see if she can or not; if she can't, I'll try to make mat time but you gotta reserve space ahead of time at my academy and it might be too late.
  24. Nah, I think you're on the right track with non-consecutive meals. I can think of situations around holidays and things like that where you would be expected to partake in desserts and non-optimal foods, which would interfere with social cohesion. Versus dinner with dessert, then a full day of better breakfast and lunch choices along with whatever activity, and then dinner it happens again. If it turns out that this is not sustainable, you can adjust for harder, but I would suggest sticking to the easier path for now and assessing later.
  25. Ooh, nicely done, nicely done.
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