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Kishi

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Posts posted by Kishi

  1. Goal: 29/34

     

    Plan didn't carry off. I've been getting up later lately and it's been showing. I don't take a long time with morning routine - get up, take meds, read the news while the water settles in my stomach, morning mobility, and journaling - but it takes enough time that if I'm late getting started, it cascades down into everything else I'm trying to do. I prioritized those things today, and it cost me mat time.

     

    If I'm being honest with you, it's because that back pain that I first mentioned back on the 26th is... well, it's doing better, but it's not gone away, and that bugs/frightens me a little. I think I've probably made the mistake of mixing too many movement philosophies again, although I didn't think I could this time, just given how everything was focused on mobility and feeling better.

     

    Oh well. Movement, once again, is like medicine: the right mix of the right substances at the right time is good for you. But if it isn't right? It can be hurtful. I've lived that out multiple times by now; maybe my epic goal for this year needs to be to just pick one movement person and stick with their way of doing things. That would be pretty epic for me, if y'all have seen how I've been before.

     

    But all that to say that my lower back pain is freaking me out enough that it makes me want to stay off the mats, and with a new Blue Belt on my waist, I dunno how people are going to deal with me. Of course, if I'd got up on time and finished the things I cared about, I don't think that would have mattered to me either.

     

    Hm. Stuff to meditate on, I suspect.

     

    But in other news, hey, the caffeine is doing great. I docked myself a point on account of coming back to caffeine a day earlier than the 8-day break in protocol prescribed, but it's been a smooth ride up and I'm pleased to report that I feel very sensitive to even lower doses than I was before. All in all, I consider this to be a successful challenge.

    • Like 2
  2. 21 hours ago, The Most Loathed said:

    Buggy Chokes were a big part of the meta a couple years ago, it's this unexpected choke where the bottom person in side control can strangle the top person by grabbing their own legs and somehow wrapping around the top person. I've never seen it happen live. I've seen it tried a dozen times. This guy started to set it up and I paused and said "go for. I've never seen this live" I stayed still and let him work into the position and, sure enough, it was a good choke. However, it also told me what I needed to know, which is that my suspicion that as long as my head isn't hanging past the rid cage, I'm safe. So we got back to rolling and now that he had one, I felt him go for a second so I just drew my head back a bit and, guess what, no strangle. A get chance to test my hypothesis. 

     

    I don't think I'm ever going to be over how much of a difference tiny details like that can make. It's what helped me the most, I think: not having some kind of iron toughness or anything as much as knowing what the other guy's going for and mucking it up enough that it doesn't work. It never takes much.

  3. Thank you all. :)

     

    23 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

    Well done. I'm glad you decided to go. 

     

    21 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

     

    Good thing you had promised to show up then... ;) 

     

    Congratulations!

     

    Yeah, it worked out well this time. Ofc, if I hadn't got a belt, it still would have worked out well because I would be confirming for people I care about that I'm someone they can rely on.

     

    But getting my blue belt was frickin' sweet. :D

     

    On 1/27/2024 at 10:25 PM, Everstorm said:
      Reveal hidden contents

    34b3a8e7f4edd29b177aadce030411666a041120b5b33671df1a4f3a431d4282_1.jpg.f3a5313142c15588399f07859832a2ab.jpg

    I recognize this feeling

     

    I feel so seen and heard right now

     

    On 1/30/2024 at 12:35 PM, Mistr said:

    Great that you are feeling more energetic and are using that to get all kinds of things done. Eventually your apartment will be sparkling and you will have nothing to do but write. :P

     

    That's the idea. I'll probably find something else to do by then, though. :D

     

    On 1/30/2024 at 12:35 PM, Mistr said:

    I agree with Tank. You do your best to help where you can. You get to (and need to) set your own boundaries about interacting with people. 

     

    Right! And besides, it's not like I was unkind. I helped him every time he asked, and he wanted to act like it wasn't worth anything.

     

    *

     

    Goal: 28/33

     

    So, yeah, that's kind of the big news of the week. I went out to the academy on Sunday and rolled for about an hour and got called up for a belt.

     

    It was kind of surreal. I'd spent the few minutes I was there beforehand meditating and telling myself I wasn't going to rank up, and I shouldn't expect to be and I shouldn't be disappointed when others were called past me. I'd made my peace with it by the time all of our rolling was done. Honestly, the thing I was the most nervous about was whether or not I'd have my glasses, because I knew if I didn't see the coach looking for me, I wouldn't believe they were calling for me. We had 100 people out on the mats that day, and I've got maybe... 15? 20 names? There totally could have been another white belt with my name that they were calling for is what I'm saying, and I would have believed that more than them calling for me.

     

    But coach called me up, put the belt on me, and that was that.

     

    And you know, it's good that I went then because the week's been hard as far as training goes.

    • Monday, my lower back was really upset with me, and I had a hard time moving around, so I elected to stay home and rest.
    • Tuesday was the office and then Sci Fi night.
    • Wednesday I took off from work to go help my dad with moving some firewood at the house. It was expected that I stick around to hang out and be familial, and that's what I did. But there was no way I was going to get out to the mats.
    • Today, the washing machine in my apartment broke, so I've had to spend all day drying out wet laundry from the machine and figuring out what my training looks like in the interim between now and when the machine is fixed, with that particular date being TBD as my landlord gave me the silent treatment about that so far. I'm not fussed about it - hat tip to some earlier conversations with @Mistr about how to deal with unavailable laundry machines - but I was presented with a problem that I had to solve relatively immediately today.

    Going forward, for the foreseeable future, I'll be doing lunchtime classes or earlier, if I can swing it. I'll need the evenings to go wash my equipment afterward, and that's something that has a hard limit on it since this stuff has to air dry and I've only got one rack set up for that kind of thing right now.

     

    So, I should be getting out to the mats tomorrow, I think. Of course, given how chaotic it's all been, it's not guaranteed, but I want to get out there. I don't want to live up to the Blue Belt stereotype of earning the belt and disappearing. By no means. I want to keep going. I just... have a lot of things to climb over to make that happen.

    • Like 3
  4. On 1/26/2024 at 8:06 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:
      Reveal hidden contents

    You have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm not going to speculate on the motivation of the bother person, but yours were good, and you acted in good faith.

     

     

    On 1/26/2024 at 9:01 PM, Scaly Freak said:

    What Tank said.

     

    On 1/26/2024 at 9:28 PM, Sovalis said:

    I agree with Tank. 

     

    Thanks, y'all. Between you and the Stoics, I'm doing pretty OK with how this shook out.

     

    *

     

    Goal: 24/28

     

    Quiet day today. Got up, did some mobility stuff, read the news, journaled. I've been working on hammering out my morning routine, and journaling I think should be part of it. For one, it scratches an itch for me to do it, and for the other it's a chance to practice prose. I will need this practice with the plan for my draft being almost done.

     

    Had a lot of energy today. Played around with skipping rope, and when the rains came I switched over to random bouts of kettlebell swings. Did some Elements work with GMB. Went for a long walk.

     

    Funny all the things a man will do to avoid his writing. :D

     

    But, yeah. Feels like the first time in a while where I've had a day off and had the energy to enjoy it. Not sure if it's because I've been eating more or if it was a good night's sleep. Could be both.

     

    Anyway, gonna do some iron shirt stuff and then get dinner ready, and while the grains are cooking I will do some writing. Heaven help me. Tomorrow, I committed to myself that I will go to Belt Promotions. I'm convinced I don't have a new belt waiting for me, and if I hadn't told someone I'd go, I'd probably skip, but I did give my word and given recent events that's really on my mind. Heaven help me more. :D :D

    • Like 4
  5. On 1/24/2024 at 6:12 PM, The Most Loathed said:

    The second one was Jeff (white) decided to roll with me. He's a little older than me but he talks constantly. He's convinced that he's really, really good a jiujitsu. He's probably a little better than average but not on par with what he thinks he is. He was definitely looking forward to showing me his skills. He was a little deflated when he realized I was letting him work a bit but decided to wrap things up by giving him a good tap to end the round. 

     

    How fortunate he is that you are there to help him with his humility. :)

  6. On 1/24/2024 at 12:33 PM, Mistr said:

    You are likely correct that sleep is limiting your weight loss. There is a bunch of hormonal stuff linking sleep and stress with weight control. The simplified form is that if your hindbrain thinks there is a threat (because you are stressed and not resting enough), it will make sure you have the energy reserves to deal with said threat.

     

    You can cheat getting the rest with caffeine, but you can't convince your body control systems that everything is okay.

     

    Yeah, and it's not just that. Apparently NEAT - or fidgeting and other non-exercise activity - really plays a bigger role in that whole equation than I thought, and it seems possible to up caloric intake and then find yourself in a caloric deficit because you've fed enough energy into the system to make all the little movements happen again. As opposed to dropping calories and going more sedentary as a result.

     

    It's really fascinating stuff.

     

    *

     

    Goal: 23/27

     

    So one of the fun parts about the green tea protocol that I'm working on right now is that every three weeks or so, I'm supposed to just go off caffeine entirely. That started a few days ago. I'm pleased to report that I'm not dragging at all, and I'm really surprised by that. There's a sense of the miraculous about it. Cool. Very cool. I totally forgot to account for that in my scoring for my challenge, so that's gonna bias really hard in my favor, but I kind of feel like even with that being the case, I genuinely got something out of this that I want to carry on with moving forward.

     

    Other than that, life's been pretty good. Job has shifted a lot in terms of what cases I'm being assigned just in the past week. These are, reputedly, easier to get to the proper stage of doneness that I alluded to before. Whether that works out to an easier time with my caseload remains to be seen, especially as there's hints on the horizon that they're going to start assigning us all more cases week by week. It's not confirmed yet and it might not happen, but assuming it does, my hope is to have enough of these cases to the requisite point of doneness by the time that happens that it shouldn't matter. I just kind of smoothly onramp to the new numbers and everything works out OK.

     

    Training's been going well. I picked some lower back pain last night due to some combination of mobility training, BJJ, and strength work. I stretched before getting out on the mats, then drove out to the mats and trained, then came back home and did some strength work and... I can't really pinpoint where it happened. I did some stretching after the strength work and one of the moves I did was a Cobra Press-Up, and if I was going to guess, I'd say that was probably what did it. Which means I didn't brace my poor little paraspinals properly and now they're mad at me. As is their right. I haven't been taking the best possible care lately, since the overtime really messes with my sleep schedule and I've been just scrambling to keep on top of everything.

     

    Speaking of other situations in which other participants are mad at me,

     

    Spoiler

    that dependent gentleman I picked up a while back blocked me because I'm rude.

     

    As some of you might remember, this was the gent who gave me the tower computer I'm using now. It was only the tower, mind; he didn't give me a screen or a keyboard, so what I basically had amounted to a high-value paperweight. He said that he would hook me up with a keyboard, and I took him at his word because he'd come through so strongly on this.

     

    It was a big surprise. I'd been helping him with stuff for a long time before this and he'd always said he was going to pay me back, but he never did. It was totally out of the blue that I got even this from him, and it turned out to be a whole ordeal where after he couldn't ship it, I had to travel out to see him to get it. Which I was still glad to do, to be clear, because hey: new computer! And it's got a nice modularity to it so that I can replace parts over time, and I've got a reliable hook up for that.

     

    So I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And there was no keyboard. Instead, what I got was the same old thing: requests for money and assurances that, no, he'd totally come here to deliver the keyboard, it'll happen next week. And then next week would come and there was always an excuse, something to do with his job or else a problem with his car or something else, and it'd repeat. And I could get if it was one or two times - sure, life is hard and it's not getting easier.

     

    But it got to a point where it felt like he'd given his word to me and then wasn't keeping it. Because he wasn't. And I couldn't figure out what was going on, like if he'd overpromised, or if he was lying to me about his ability to get this done. Maybe that's a distinction without a difference. I don't know.

     

    At a certain point, I did get kind of blunt with him about it, mostly just to try to figure out what was going on and what I needed to do, but he kept saying that he'd come through. Eventually, I got sick of it, and when the chance came to score a keyboard and monitor on the cheap, I did so. I told him so, and then I left him on read for a while.

     

    And then today, out of the blue, he messaged me saying that he didn't want to deal with anymore. He said it was unreasonable for me to expect that he should make a 3-hour round trip to deliver a keyboard given the price of gas these days and that since he'd given me a tower worth $600-$700 that I should be nicer to him.

     

    Which, ha. OK.

     

    As to the matter of the keyboard, if it was so unreasonable for me to expect that he should come through, why would he spend all this time saying that he'd come through? I wasn't holding him to anything other than the word he gave me, and I think if I came off upset in messaging him, well, I was! But even so, I wasn't any harsher with the man than he's been with me in the past.

     

    But if he wanted to argue with me about monetary value, he should probably have realized that I kept the receipts for how much I helped him, and he was still pretty substantially in the hole to me. Guess there's no getting that back now, which is fine. I've seen how he lives. I feel sorry for him more than anything.

     

    But, yeah, he decided that I was a bad, bad boy and he didn't want to deal with me anymore, because I'm so unreasonable, so he told me off and then blocked me.

     

    I've been processing my feelings about that, mostly because I thought I was gonna have to fight with him and I didn't see that he'd blocked me until I'd finally calmed down enough that I could speak reasonably. (or unreasonably, as the case may be). But, yeah, I think he's really just a pretty damaged person in a lot of ways. He's always been kind of sensitive for all that he's played rough with me in the past, and beyond this one grand gesture - which, as I said, gave me a very expensive paperweight that I had to solve for myself - it was always unpleasant dealing with him. This last go round, I'd really held back on some of the things I wanted to say to him, about how he'd taught me that he wasn't a man of his word and that I couldn't trust him, and I held back a lot in terms of how much anger I showed him. I reckon now he was probably never capable of understanding or appreciating that.

     

    It's done, now, and it's probably done in the way it was gonna be done in the end anyway. So be it. I feel some guilt over being relieved that I don't have to deal with him anymore, but I'm relieved all the same.

     

    Anyway. It's evening now. I'm staying off the mats tonight to let my lower back calm down. Lots of OT to work tonight as a result. Depending on how I'm feeling tomorrow, I may or may not make the mats. There's another belt promotion on Sunday. I told myself I'd go, but I don't think I'm on the list of people who should get a belt, although I will admit I had the kind of mat performance last night that almost makes me think I could.

    • Like 2
  7. 12 hours ago, Scaly Freak said:

    Washed all the makeup brushes, and yes, this is a calming activity that brightens my day. :) 

     

    It's surprising how often something like that can occupy the same space as meditation and offer the same benefits. There's an odd sense of ritual in it. I experience something like that when folding up my gi after grappling, like I'm putting away a piece of myself and reflecting as I do. Glad to hear you have something similar. :)

    • Like 3
  8. Goal: 18/22

     

    Caffeine intake yesterday was kind of borderline. I stuck to green tea, as I said I would, but I got kind of close to that 3 PM cut off. Depending on how you look at it, I think I violated the letter of the law, but I didn't violate its spirit and I'm not leaning on coffee for my fix anymore, which is the big thing I wanted to accomplish, so I'm gonna take the W on this one.

     

    Slept late enough Saturday to think that I probably needed it. And I think that's something that I need to fix going forward, as I've been researching fat loss again and I think a big part of my problems is tied to how much trouble I have with sleep. That's probably a longer term project than a single challenge is ready for; I suspect I need to get my caffeine use further in check before I can really, properly get after this as a challenge. It'll be an epic thing for me to do. I have no complaints.

     

    Speaking of epic things, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do this year and I haven't quite figured it out yet. I know I alluded to it earlier, but I haven't hit the point yet that I'm really able to articulate it even to myself. I'll talk about it here when I know what I'm talking about.

     

    Weekend was pretty quiet. I'm please to report that my planning on the novel is just about done. I've hit the climax of the story and now I need to let it end, and it's the letting it end that's going to be hard, but only on account of needing to let things take their course. That'll be more time consuming than I want to admit, but the sooner I get it done, the better. Cool. :)

    • Like 5
  9. On 1/17/2024 at 6:29 PM, The Most Loathed said:

    Josh (purple) - I frustrated the heck out of Josh. He got on top and slipped into my half guard. He fiddled around and tried to kimura me but never bit on it totally so I used it to reposition myself and sweep him. From there he just let his arm flop around so I locked it up. He bumped and I caught him in a platform arm bar. He was asking after if it was and arm bar or Americana. I kind of shrugged because it was kind of both and he winged a bit that it was in his elbow more than his shoulder so I said, "I guess it was an armbar". Then he wanted to pick apart the details. I really don't care, it can be called whatever, I just wanted to roll again. I get it, he wants to figure out how I got him but the truth is, a good Americana set up is a good armbar set up then it's up the to the sucker on bottom, which they give you.

     

    Yeah, that's kind of where I am these days. I could learn all these separate moves and pick apart their details and all that stuff, but I just feel like it's easier and better to learn principles of movement and let come what will. That way you don't get tunnel vision and miss out on opportunities just because they don't look like what you're looking for.

  10. On 1/15/2024 at 5:03 PM, Everstorm said:

    Good to hear your parents are doing better after their brush with the Vid and that you've had an enjoyable weekend.  You were due, I think.

     

    I do not disagree. :D

     

    *

     

    Goal: 16/20

     

    Whooie, it's been a week. Not bad; short weeks are never bad, but they take a lot in terms of attention and resources.

     

    Highlights for the week:

    • Made it out to striking. The young man who's been tutoring me on Sundays is now teaching classes! I don't know if he's splitting the job with another gent who teaches there, but his class was all technical work and none of that silly extra conditioning stuff. Had a freaking dope time.
    • Tuesday was my "anchor day." Once a month, we have to go in to the office and work a full day there, as opposed to the 2-hour at home, 6-hour in office split that I'm obligated to the rest of the time. That only happens once per week in general, so 4 days a week I'm at home, and one day I go in to the office in some capacity or other. Sci-Fi Night was cancelled for mental health reasons, which I respect, but I wasn't able to sneak out in time to make mat time.
    • Knee training has been going well. Most of what they ask me to do I can do and do well; one sticking point however has been the ATG Split Squat, which is basically a long, low shoot-step. My knees don't like it, so I've been working on finding a way to do it pain-free so I can begin to develop this capacity and bulletproof my knees somewhat. Thing is, I found a way to do: I rigged up one of my bands on my doorway pull up bar, and used a step stool to control the depth. This has been good. The coaches I have in the app, however, haven't been satisfied with my form. I'm actually glad for it in general, because I know that I would have tried to do this in a less optimal way before, and it's good to have a bunch of eyes on me helping me out, but it's also exasperating because I feel like I'm following directions and it's their directions that are leading me to do poorly. It's a communications problem more than it's anything else, I think.
    • But all that being said, I'm still getting stronger and more mobile, which is exciting and excellent news.
    • My GMB work is getting better. Knees are refreshingly unbothered and my ability to hit Floating Table Top, which has always been a bad place for me, is getting better.
    • Haven't had more mat time since Monday because of the job. I've got behind and stayed there despite my best efforts to the contrary. Buuuuuuuut...
    • We just got the word today that we've been cleared for overtime for the next couple weeks. Which basically means I get access to lunchtime training again, since I will be able to use the extra hours to make up for lost productivity. I am freaking stoked.

    And... yeah, that's how it is right now. Sorry I haven't been about. I'll be missing mat time tonight for work, so I hope to take tonight to catch up some.

    • Like 5
  11. On 1/14/2024 at 1:48 AM, Harriet said:

     

    I was hoping it would be more like the flu with one main round per year, if that. Like, be reasonable, virus. Give us something to work with here. You can be highly variable or intense, but not both, please. Pick one and put the other one down, or we're going to stop playing and go home.

     

    I suppose we've been fortunate in that most of the variants have been comparably mild, although that's a pretty relative term given how bad it was to start with. See also the amount of privilege we have in the first world to have access to vaccines and treatments.

  12. Goal: 13/16

     

    Howdy, folks! Checking in from day 3 of my 3-day weekend. It's been the bee's knees so far. Lots of sleeping in and spending time doing stuff I wanted to do. All in all, a nice and restful time.

     

    There is, I suspect, some drama brewing with a friend group that has a polycule at the center of it. I've mentioned it here before; one of the folks in the friend-orbit is this guy who isn't a bad person but is emotionally needy in a way that it kind of seems like a lot of us don't want to accommodate? His birthday was this past weekend and he tried to see if people were interested in doing stuff with him for it and I spoke up in favor and... nobody else did. Mostly they just left him on read in messenger and the moved on as if nothing had happened.

     

    What'll happen? I dunno. Like I said, it's brewing, but sitting with that isn't very fun. OTOH, I don't know that I care very much. I've successfully put a bunch of space between me and these friends, and no matter what happens, nobody can say I didn't try to make things work. Heh, but maybe they would say other things. Can't concern myself about that, though.

     

    Sunday I did some grappling practice and went home to see my folks, where things were good. Today's been another quiet day. I'm going to be getting my knee stuff done and then be going off to striking tonight, which I haven't done in a long, long time. There's apparently been some changes in the teaching to focus more on drilling and less on extraneous "gas-out" conditioning, which was my major complaint. Guess I'll see if that's true tonight.

    • Like 4
  13. 22 hours ago, Mistr said:

    Ouch, that sounds frustrating with your cases taking longer to move along than planned. I think you made a wise decision to get the work done now so you can have flexibility later. As you say, there is a cost to your life.

     

    Thanks. It's just frustrating because it's a problem that I thought I'd solved before, but the plan I had that was working before stopped working all of a sudden for the past couple days and it's frustrating. :( But that just means I need to readjust what I thought was working. It's all tweaks and fine-tuning. It may be that what I thought was a shortcut really wasn't all this time.

     

    22 hours ago, Mistr said:

    I am glad to hear that the Knees Over Toes program is making a difference for you.

     

    20 hours ago, Everstorm said:

    Just think how much stronger you will be on the mat later for having rested while fixing your knees!

     

    Yeah, that's helping a lot. :) I actually move so much better when I'm on the mat after a period of rest. I think it's gonna be worthwhile in the end.

     

    *

     

    Goal: 12/14

     

    Work went well this week, but ended on a down note as I couldn't get that freaking metric to budge. Long term, it's gonna even out, but a bad ending does cast a pall on the whole thing.

     

    But, uh, yeah. So far, I just don't feel a need for caffeine like I used to. I'm down to basically a cup of green tea a day and a cup of yerba matte per "high" day, which I prepare to be as strong as a cup of coffee and works out that way but works out to a much smoother ride. I feel like I'm much more sensitive than I used to be and it feels... good. Like I might be able to take a serious shot at getting my sleep in order now and get back to getting up on time.

     

    Today's docket is starting week 4 of my training. I'm finding that GMB doesn't work as well to warm up for this stuff as some more specific, targeted, mindful movement, so I'm thinking about maybe shifting that over to kind of a substitute for when I can't make grappling practice. It feels similar to that stuff and I think a lot of the movement quality I mentioned earlier can be traced to my work there. That, or the more specialized drilling I've been doing; the academy released a "Blue Belt Criteria" guide and while I can't necessarily drill everything on my own, I can at least work on the movements and having a little bit to work on each day - and different things to work on each day - has been really helpful as far as compliance goes.

     

    Anyway. 3-day weekend starts today. It is welcome.

    • Like 4
  14. On 1/11/2024 at 12:59 PM, shaar said:

    Hi friend!

     

    Finally catching up and WOW, lots has happened. I'm really surprised at your work turn of events honestly. It seemed like lately you all were working together to get a better schedule for you and something that would work out for everyone. But, the world is a crazy place and we are in unprecedented times, so nothing really is certain..

     

    I totally understand your feelings on these forums.  The NF forums have literally changed my life and I have so many good friends and memories here! But if I'm honest, over the past year or so I feel they've really felt like a kind of afterthought to the whole NF brand, I guess you could say. Being a free to use resource is awesome but I'm sure there's obvs a cost on the backend to support this stuff, and there's really no revenue to be made here as opposed to the other actual paid NF products, soooo.... I feel lately it's just not what it used to be, a lot less engagement and advancement for forum posting.  And it feels like the people that care and want it to thrive (and moreso, have the "NF ability" to make it thrive") like you are becoming less and less.  To me it feels like the forums are a fraction of how awesome they used to be, and that may just be nostalgia talking.  It's still pretty cool here! I hope it continues to stay cool.

     

    It's a big part of your life that you're moving on from too! Whatever makes your heart happy will always be in your best interest. :) I'm right around the corner if you guys every need anything. ❤️ Much love!!

     

    On 1/11/2024 at 4:11 PM, Mad Hatter said:

    No it’s not just nostalgia, they used to be a super fun and active place. But like Spezzy I keep coming back because it feels comfy and a bit like home. 😄

     

    Whatever you choose I wanna thank you for helping to create such an awesome environment!

     

    Thirding for the nostalgia and well-wishes.

     

    I'm really sorry to hear you lost your job. :( That's hard. I think you're doing right to take it day by day. Whatever decision you make, I wish you well.

    • Like 1
  15. Goal: 10/12

     

    Bugger me, but BJJ didn't happen either. :(

     

    I could give a long, detailed explanation about what happened which I think I'd feel better with rather than vague!posting about the work as I do, but it'd be a lot of words to describe a very simple situation. Basically, I have to achieve a certain amount of doneness in my caseload, as measured by a particular metric that kind of underlies and controls all the others. If I achieve that metric before the day is out, I'm good to go. If I don't, I'm not good to go, and I have to use up my working day as much as I can to catch that metric up.

     

    There are certain categories of case that are easier to achieve this metric with than others, and you could argue that my job boils down to getting all of my cases into these categories to the point where I can achieve this metric the most easily.

     

    So yesterday, I was just about there. I was so far along that I had teed up what I thought was the final case I'd need to work for the day to get my metric completed. So I took off from it and I elected to do some home training instead, because I wanted to be responsible. :D The plan was, get the training done -> complete this case -> go to the mats. I got the training done and went to complete the case and it turned out that the case was not, in fact, able to help me meet my metric. Things spooled out of control from there as I had some interference from our QA department and I had some claimants calling in for what were long and detailed conversations that I needed to prepare for and have, and by the time all was said and done, it wasn't possible for me to make the mats.

     

    I made my metric, because I'm something of a determinator when it comes to this kind of thing, but it came at a cost and that cost was a surprise. My job is full of such surprises.

     

    I could have prevented this. I could have just buckled down and got the job done, but I don't like the way in which my hyperfocus tends to sabotage my health in this space. It feels necessary to me to step away from the job from time to time to get stuff done because otherwise it all just kind of loads on to the end of the day and I get this awful sense of running ragged and trying to keep up with a bunch of things that I don't want.

     

    And it's not like missing out on mat time matters much in the grand scheme, right? It's just a game. A game I like to play very much that I missed out on because making my living got in the way of my living it.

     

    Sigh.

     

    It's not all bad news, though. I was able to film form videos for the Knees Over Toes app and got notes from the coaches, and I managed to jury rig a home fitness solution that I didn't expect to work. Some of my form is awesome, and some of it needs some work, but more good form than bad. And three weeks into the program, I find that my knees do feel better. I'm not finished with rehab yet, but I've noticed that I can sit crosslegged now for an hour plus without getting sore, and I have less pain with prolonged walking than I have in a while. It varies some, to be clear, but the window of variations has shifted more toward pain-free living than it's been in a while, and I still have another 9 weeks to go. I'm really excited to see how this turns out.

     

    So... yeah.

    • Like 4
  16. I never flew into Paris when I had my trip there, but I can confirm that that town's overrated. The Louvre is pretty great, and I got the chance to visit the Arch of Triumph as well as Sacre Couer and those were worth seeing. If you can handle big cities, it's probably fine, but I think a lot of the romanticism built up around that place is just PR spin.

     

    I hear that Southern France is really nice and I envy you the chance to go.

  17. Goal: 9/11

     

    Welp, striking didn't happen. I had casework to take care of, and I was unable to get myself clear of the work in time to get out to play. That wasn't fun. :( But OTOH, I caught a lucky break in that some of the problematic cases that would have forced me back to the office closed, and if I'm right about my numbers, then I'm going to be cleared for another month of telework. That is a major relief. So, it works out to something of a wash. It's the kind of thing that reminds me that I do have responsibilities, and if I want to achieve long term return to the mats in the capacity I want, I'll have to make sacrifices like this from time to time. The real goal may be to work to make these sacrifices occasional things rather than the chronic thing that it really tries to be right now.

     

    How to do that? Well, I've got some quick, easy answers that would let me win this in the short term, but in time that would result in a return to this same set of problems I'm trying to solve now and with less resources to address them. A longer-term solution, I suspect, will need me to grind on certain categories of work which have spun out of control; getting these back in control will probably go a long way to getting me what I want. Unfortunately, they've spun pretty far out, so pulling them back in is going to take time. But it can be done.

     

    I finally got the chance to play a game on the new tower. I went with Disco Elysium, which I love very much. I'm pleased to report that it plays well. I am happy about this. :)

     

    Anyway, today is today. Got mat time to win. Better get to work.

    • Like 2
  18. Goal: 8/10

     

    Another day down. Cut my intake at 3 and only had 1 cup of green tea. No bad feelings so far, although I'd hoped to get my training done around the time that I drank. No luck there, I'm afraid. Got pulled into some hairier case work and my responsibilities to the job are in my way.

     

    Weather's weird today too. We were told to expect a lot of wind and rain; so far, it's a lot of wind, but no real rain. We're actually under a tornado watch until 21:00 tonight, and I dunno if that means I'm still going out to meet with folk like I normally do on Tuesday nights or not. One friend is playing cautious, one friend wants to go, one friend is the host and seems ambivalent, and I'm... just waiting to see how it lands. I keep thinking it's NBD but then there's this long rush of wind that builds up to a single strong gust, and then it's nothing again.

     

    So, I dunno.

     

    At least one good thing that came of today was I was able to use the day as an excuse to take a switch day, meaning I didn't have to go into the office today. I won't have to go in this week as a result. That's good. I should enjoy it while I can; my caseload has shifted such that I'm going to lose my extra telework privileges and I'll be back to a 3 out/2 in split, which I'm deeply displeased about. It's not fair of me to complain, I guess, since I did get a promotion, and that comes with a pay bump, and the way we do things in this agency, the work gets progressively easier the higher up the chain you go, and I've caught what was going wrong on the caseload so I can get my privileges back. But it still doesn't feel good.

     

    If I do it right, though, I might be able to swing it in such a way that I get out of the office early and get to the mats again. Also, it's easier to get my steps in at the office, so, as much as I hate it, it's not all bad news. In some ways, it's good even.

     

    Symptoms from whatever throat problem I had have remained in remission. I'll be going forward with the adjusted training protocol today, and I'll see what happens.

    • Like 2
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