Kishi

I mean, all you can do is all you can do, right? It's better than nothing.

I have to admit, as much as my mind is drawn to end of life stuff these days, I really need to get some stuff in writing from my folks for when the time comes. Or that I need to do that writing myself, for myself. I'm not at a stage of life where that's a huge thing to worry about, but still.

I did. I'm really glad for what I was able to do. Thanks! I think it'll happen sooner rather than later. Just need to wait for the supervisor to get back. * Goal 1: 24/31 Goal 2: 25/31 Goal 3: 28/31 Still holding steady. Still losable, though, so no reason to slack off now. So, Sunday carried off about like I said it would. I didn't really get the amount of time walking that I said I needed to comply with my goals, so I didn't count it. Monday was a hecking busy day. I was good to the job, but between that and getting out at lunch to do mat stuff, I didn't really get the time to do any walking. Still got my study done. Also, the friends wanted to get together to watch the new Spiderman film, which I'm pleased to say is excellent IMO. Good to the point that it made me despair of ever making anything that good, which isn't a healthy emotional response but is also a sign that I really enjoyed something. And I was able to walk myself back from that ledge pretty quick, so, you know. Good times. All that to say that I didn't get my steps on Monday. I did do some leg work with the kettlebells, though, which felt like a good challenge. Yesterday, I was at the office but I didn't get my steps in. I have no excuse. I also didn't get to make mat time. I do have an excuse here in that we were visited by some bigwigs up the chain and I had to dress nice for it, and I left some of my clothes at home and couldn't get out of work on time to get back there and get that stuff done. Also, I was feeling kind of old and rickety in my joints, and I realized that I didn't really have a plan in place unlike before where I'd just take a dedicated day off every 5 days or so. So I talked myself out of going and instead went home to work on mobility. I think it was the right call, although in the future I should be mindful that mat time doesn't have to include sparring and that I have other options in place for training. Of course, generally, I'm also better situated to get out there too. I made a breakthrough in my research about Maeda's methods in that I finally found a video where he talks about how he trains. Truthfully, I was pretty close already in terms of figuring out what he does, but there were some additional details that I didn't know about that kind of gave me a sense of enhanced perspective once he explained it. I think I get it, but I also think I don't get it too, and there's more work to do as far as figuring this out. But whatever. I'll take it. It's kind of refreshing to have that off my mind. Today is today. Got the research done at home already, so now it's just down to walk and play. I'm at the office, so getting up and walking is going to be easy, and I plan to get out and do some striking practice tonight since my shoulder's feeling good. I'm also working to get some additional time there with one of the other coaches so I can buff up my striking to keep it sharp as I continue on this grapple-centric chapter of my martial journey. Hopefully he shows up tonight. Guess we'll see.

Goal 1: 24/28 Goal 2: 23/28 Goal 3: 25/28 So I lied. I went out to train on Friday and I was so excited at the concept of doing training that wouldn't leave me feeling beat-up after that I just jumped on over to doing 10-minute daily training. And it's not quite what it says it is. Even Maeda admits that he's doing some kind of movement practice for 15-20 minutes before he actually goes to do his main lift for the day, whatever it may be. But that's been perfect for me because I've been using animal walks and martial drills for my warm-ups and feeding many birds off a single scone. And y'all, it's been the right call for me. It feels like I'm hitting everything hard and well, but more importantly I'm hitting these things in a way that makes sense for me on a given day. So, like, for instance: Friday was class, and then there was dip work, and I did some relatively challenging movement there. Then Saturday I went out and did the drill class with a professor who chose violence that day. Was absolutely blasted by class; was so tired that I could barely think straight when all was said and done. That day's training was just 10 minutes of loaded carries, and that felt fine. Today was a more cerebral day because of the seminar, and I didn't spar so much. Got back and did some relatively hard pulling work, and it felt appropriate. So far I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like I have a lot more energy out of nowhere and like I can focus better on life, such as it is. I think that the question of whether or not I'm ever going to get to be strong enough to do some of the really crazy stuff I see Maeda do is an open one at the moment, but it's one I'm willing to explore at leisure and without a sense of urgency. Walked the past couple days, which was nice. Took some detailed notes about stuff, and that was nice too. Today, the play and study parts carried off just fine, but I wound up so far down the rabbit hole that it's late and I'm wanting to get to dinner, so no steps for me today beyond walking to and around the grocery store, which... it's better than nothing, but it's not the dedicated time I told myself I'd take. I dunno how this new turn is going to go, but I'm really, really excited about it, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Goal 1: 22/26 Goal 2: 21/26 Goal 3: 23/26 Holding steady. Got another 9 days counting today, but if I hold steady, everything should be fine. One of the things that's been a really pleasant surprise is how well the mat time is going. Even though I've completely violated the terms of the goal, counting in rest and recovery, I've been remarkably compliant, and when I'm out on the mats I'm having more fun and I'm more present with my partners/playmates when I'm there. So I feel, 4 weeks into this challenge, like I'm doing a lot better. Or if I'm not, I'm a lot happier with what I'm doing which for a given subjective measure of how this is going is about as good as I could ask for. Now if I could just get that 4th day at home and split up my Wednesday training so that I did the no-gi stuff at noon and came back for kickboxing, that would be the best. Because as it is, if I want to train on Wednesday, I'm basically out grinding on the mats for a couple hours - 1 hour with kickboxing with the goal of gassing us out, and then 1 hour of relatively complicated jiu-jitsu. It's a real drag; hard to recover from and I'm tired enough at the end that it's hard for me to get up and make dinner for myself. Also I don't think my shoulder likes it very much. I don't really know what to do about it, beyond trying to change my work from home days so that I always work from home on Wednesdays. Because otherwise, that time becomes only conditionally available rather than being consistently so. It's a neat solution to the problem and may be what I ultimately do going forward. The other thing is that I have to admit that I'm obsessed with the notion of 10-minute workouts. For the life of me, I can't figure out how Maeda does it, but I think I want to try it out after I'm done with this present round of strength and conditioning work. I'm finding increasingly that I don't really like how long my present training is taking me to complete and I'm finding myself in the "living to train" place rather than the "training to live" place that I want to be. I've been watching his videos, trawling his comments, and I'm 'bout to start listening to podcasts where he's guest-starred in order to figure this out. But yeah, I'm increasingly wanting to try this weird, odd-object martial breathing stuff that he does, because I kind of feel like it's going to give me the most opportunities to try out all the strange things I see and want to try without necessarily having to sacrifice anything. I've got about a week or so to figure it out if I want to get after this. We'll see. Although I'm not going to stress about it if I can't figure it out between here and there - like I said, my main complaint is that I'm taking too long for my liking, and that's a relatively solvable problem right now as it is. I got out last night to get a walk in between the scattered showers pouring out over my part of the state. Got back and did my writing without my friend. She apparently needs to meet in-person in order for her to get any work done, and I offered to facilitate that before I could think better of it. Dunno how good an idea that is for me in the long run since I'm really paranoid about my finances after the road trip and she's far enough away that it'd eat into my gas tank pretty heavily. Oh well. It is what it is. Got out to the mats today for lunch which was dope. Got some study material for tonight. Now just to get my other training done and go for a walk. Oh and finish out the job, I guess.

Goal 1: 21/25 Goal 2: 21/25 Goal 3: 22/25 ~85% compliance. Not bad, not bad. Nothing to rest on, though. Past few days have been A Lot. Logged in to work and basically everything was on fire and needed to be done weeks ago. Just another day on the job. Found out that the case I needed to clear for an extra telework day got cleared! But then when I went to request clearance for the extra day, they said that they only granted those clearances once a month (which I knew), and that they'd already done that the week I was out. Because that's apparently what "end of the month" means to them. I shouldn't be upset or disappointed at the loss, because I didn't lose out; I was never even in consideration for it. It was still a pretty big hit to my morale, though. But, like I said. Just another day on the job. Tuesday I had to go to the office, and I had coworkers stay late enough that I couldn't play hooky and sneak out early to BJJ, so no mat time. Wednesday was a rest day, and I was originally going to do some stuff there, but instead I wound up doing some community service at the state food bank. I'd been voluntold about this some weeks ago and originally my boss was supposed to be out there with us, but she had to get surgery for carpal tunnel so she couldn't join us. Which was just as well. We wound up sorting potatoes for a few hours and squeezing them is part of it; she would have been pretty miserable doing that work I think. As it was, it wound up being a few hours of gentle movement and work, and that was enough for me to feel better not just in my body but also just about life in general. I reckon I did more good for the people of the state in a few hours there than I have in a few years at my current job. Might need to find a way to keep doing that. I didn't make the mats tonight because my writer friend said she'd be available for Discord work. I'm there now and she's... not. Great. Oh well. I've got time marked out for the next three days for training, including a seminar on Sunday that I didn't think I'd be able to make. That'll be fun. Also apparently brother's supposed to be in town here on account of stuff with his unit; he will apparently be reimbursed for his travels here, which, I mean. Good for him. It'd be nice to see him again. As far as my studies go, they kind of took a sidetrack. I found myself the past few days going down a rabbit hole related to Maeda's methods, trying to figure out how he did what he did and how he's doing what he's doing now. I don't think I figured out how he programs beyond being really in tune with his body and what feels good for training on a given day, but I've figured out a lot in terms of how he breathes, his lifting cadence, and what moves/patterns he works specifically to achieve his desired outcomes. Some of this I can apply immediately and some of it... will have to wait, but I'm taking credit for all that time since I was genuinely engaged in study and research related to an aspect of martial arts. It was fun. Anyway, friend here or not, I gave up mat time for writing. So I'm going to get something done. Should be an easy time tonight getting down to bed and getting some good sleep.

Goal 1: 18/22 Goal 2: 19/22 Goal 3: 19/22 Welp, a good restful day yesterday, and productive even. Although not in the way that I thought it might be. Like I said, it was raining all day yesterday so no walking. And I slept through mat time, so no play credit there either. I took a walk credit because, again, I lost the time on account of weather, which I don't control. Study credit kind of came out of nowhere in that my social media fed me this older gentleman's workout; dude's name is Bill Maeda, and he does BJJ. He's notable for doing really impressive 10 minute workouts, and I found myself on something of a deep dive to try to figure out what he was doing and why and whether or not I could replicate it. Because, you know, if I can do good work in 10 minutes a day and then get out to the mats the rest of the time, well, that's kind of the holy grail right there isn't it? I think I picked up some things in the end that I can use even starting today, but he doesn't really discuss his programming at any particular length and I can't really make heads or tails of his programming as it's evidenced in his YouTube uploads. There may be something there if I really dig into it and try to reverse engineer it, but it was past midnight by the time I got to where I got, and I was just done. I did pick up some things related to asymmetric loading that I think I can apply long term, and my suspicion is that the 10-minute workouts are a kind of maintenance of strength already attained. Something to keep on the back of my mind, I suppose. Maybe. I also did a deep clean of my bathroom, which has been needed for a while and is good to have done. Anyway, today's Memorial Day in the States. Another set of thought-terminating cliches fed to us by the government in exchange for a day off. I slept in and spent some time with friends already, and I feel good for having done so. Did the swing part of Simple and Sinister today with some asymmetric loading - one heavy bell, and one light bell - and that was fun. Still need to do the Get Up portion before going off to hang with friends again tonight. It's a rainy day again and I don't know if I'm going to get to walk or not; plan's to, but no guarantees. Rain's cleared enough for me to have a chance of doing it, so I can't take a point if it doesn't happen today.

Goal 1: 17/21 Goal 2: 19/21 Goal 3: 18/21 Saturday in the bag! Rained all day, so no walking. Still did research and still went out and made mat time, which was dope as you may have inferred from yesterday. Not a whole lot else to report. I signed on to the job yesterday to get some OT on top of my leave hours, and discovered that nobody helped me with my caseload while I was gone beyond opening my new cases. I'm not surprised, really, and it makes sense as I have one of the lower case loads in my unit if not the lowest. There are people in my unit who need a lot more help than I do, and it makes sense that they would be getting the help right now. Everyone assumes that I'll get this all in hand next week. And to be fair, they're probably right. It's still disappointing, though. Although! I'm keeping my fingers crossed as I proposed closure on a few cases and if one in particular closes, and doesn't get picked by QA for review in the next couple days, I'll be eligible for a 4th day of working from home! It's not guaranteed because there's a lot of moving parts that have to happen in the next couple days, and some of the people who have to move on this are out of place (my supervisor's out for surgery and the substitute we have, though a cool guy I've worked for before, may not have the authority to put me through for it). So I think there's a good chance it doesn't happen and I get stuck in the office for another month, and there's no guarantee that I'll be eligible again at the end of the following month because things happen. Still, it was a pleasant surprise. I had honestly resigned myself to missing that target this month, so if it doesn't happen it's not a big deal. But to be in the ballpark of it after so long is pretty nice. Anyway, I missed open mat today on account of sleeping late, so no play credit for me. And it's raining today again, so no walk either. I can still research and train here at home, though, and also I think I'm going to try to do a little deep cleaning today before I go to visit my folks. So. It'll be a day today.

Just dropping in to say that I hope your weekend has been nice and restful so far.

Goal 1: 16/20 Goal 2: 18/20 Goal 3: 17/20 Friday was a nice, chill day. It was the kind of day where there's not really a lot to report - I took my walk yesterday and was surprised to find that the weather was uncharacteristically cool for this time of year. Gray with a chill breeze. I probably could have used a jacket, although with a little bit of time I found that I didn't really need it and I was able to warm up into the day. I did my research and my play was mostly qigong and solo work. I keep telling myself I'm going to practice my juggling on rest days and it keeps not happening, which isn't the coolest thing to have happen but it is what it is. If I didn't let myself get sucked down into the morass of social media, I'd probably get a lot more done and get to bed earlier. As it is, I'm actually getting down and up earlier than I have in a while, although not quite as well as I could be. I'll take it as a pleasant side win, but I do think I want to get better at this. I suspect there's a lot of good hiding here for me if I use it right. Today I got out on the mats. I recently read a piece on Substack talking about the difference in approach between "martial arts" and "self defense" that I actually found really helpful from a mindset perspective. I got out on the mats today determined to find and have fun... and I did. And somehow, I wound up with a decent performance today; I wonder if the two are related. Also, I ran my measurements today and I'm pleased to report that I lost ~3.5-4cm off my waist. According to the Navy Formula, I'm still obese, but I'm not as obese as I was. It's good to be going in this direction. Anyway, not sure what kind of walking I'll do since it's a rainy day today. If it clears up, I'll get out there, but if it doesn't I'll still take credit for it. I still have my Simple and Sinister to get to and through.

Goal 1: 15/19 Goal 2: 17/19 Goal 3: 16/19 And, I'm back! Sorry for being away. Past week and some change has been pretty busy. Basically, I had to get ahead of a bunch of work stuff and there was no striking work on Friday. I got out for some work on Saturday and did some job stuff in the afternoon/evening, but that was the last of it before I got on the road for Colorado with my brother. The road trip was fine. Long. Made it from Raleigh to Denver in about 3 days. Saw a lot of America on our way out; went through Nashville, St. Louis, and Kansas City with a lot of small towns in between. Kind of wish we'd made some time for some more stops on the way, like to go visit parks and stuff that popped up on our way, but I wasn't in charge and I didn't want to be pushy about anything, so I let it be. Brother and I talked when we had things to say, but otherwise we were companionably silent with one another. It was a pretty refreshing change compared to other people's tendency to fill the silence with noise. We were down to bed early and up with the sun, and I felt really good with that; there's something to learn, I think. Denver, for its part, seems like a really cool town. It's kind of like a mix of Raleigh and NYC - brisk, but friendly. My brother's staying in an apartment over the local Buddhist temple and Japanese market, and there's all kinds of stuff in walking distance: restaurants and local stores and even a decent gym. Feels like he got really, really lucky. He's moved out there on a gamble of finding better work for his interests, which is basically the hardware part of tech support. I dunno how he's gonna do, but he had a gig already lined up by the time we got there, so I'm hopeful that this will come to something good for him. I stayed out there with him a couple days and basically did what I could to give him the best possible start - paid for our lodging on the way out and paid for our meals on the way - because he's got the money to stick it out for a while but he has that same thing in his head that I do where every dollar feels precious. I've been in that situation without help before, so I wanted to be the person I would have needed back then. It helped some, but the rest is up to him now. Thursday, I made my flight back to Raleigh and I took today off the job, meaning I get another few days before I'm back to the grindstone. I get a couple days to myself and my interests before I have to go back to my relationships and the responsibilities they entail. I will enjoy my solitude and my interests as much as I can between here and there. As far as the goals go, they actually happened more than you might think. We actually did a fair amount of walking in Denver when we arrived, and I found myself doing some productive research on grappling and techniques when I had a spare moment. I spent a lot of my spare time reading, too, which was fun to be able to do. Anyway, we're here today. It's an off day for training, so I'm going to get some rest beyond taking a long walk to pick up some groceries in a bit.

This is America, dude. We have had more mass shootings than there have been days in the year so far for the past year and a half. We're a bunch of armed, paranoid cowards who will shoot first and ask questions later. How safe is my environment? Well, it's pretty safe. But that doesn't mean very much around here.

I mean, she's new in the sense of being the most recent. We've had her for I think a year and a half now. She's pretty good, which incidentally makes her the best boss we've had so far since I've been there. * Goal 1: 8/12 Goal 2: 10/12 Goal 3: 9/12 After seeing @TimovieMan talking about going out late at night to get steps, I was inspired to go out and get steps late at night after completing my OT. It's not something I would normally do, but between my privilege and my capacity for violence, I'm honestly pretty safe. So shoutout to you for the inspiration! I wouldn't have got it done otherwise. Didn't get my notetaking done on Wednesday, though. I'm glad I'm tracking this so that I know I'm doing better than it feels like, but I have to admit, this is proving to be harder than I expected. I don't know why, really, beyond having the sense that I'm taking notes when my workday is done and I don't want to be stuck doing more work. But, until I write my bestseller and get free of this place, that's what I'll have to do, so I'm just going to have to knuckle down and get it done. Thursday, I had to make noontime for my trainee. The writer friend wanted to get together for drinks out in Zebulon, and my immediate reaction was not "Hell yeah!" so I declined in favor of mat time. Felt good to assert myself like that. Kind of feels like a thing I need to do, since that's playing out as I predicted last challenge: now that she knows that I'm willing to travel to see her, she's a lot cooler with us getting together. Which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have other stuff I wanted to do at that time. But then again, the reminder that some of my social stuff is stuff I can elect into rather than a purely obligatory thing is nice. Of course, if I stuck to the original goal of just trying to make noontime class, that wouldn't be an issue either way, since I can only get on the mats once a day for grappling anyway (school policy). Of course, if I hadn't been voluntold to do this damned mentorship in the first place, it wouldn't be an issue anyway. Which, to be clear, I actually enjoyed doing. It's just a conflict I wish I didn't have. Anyway, went and practiced last night. Mixed results. First white belt had strong grips and was super technical; couldn't get past his guard for nothing until the very end. Second had a good guard but left himself open for a sweep and I got him for that. Third outweighed me by a lot of pounds, and the more pounds the opponent has, the less stripes on your belt. So I spent my last round getting ragdolled by the guy and he was rewarded for it with an extra stripe at the end. It was pretty hard to not be in my feelings about that, but thankfully that's passed; writing it down now, I have a smirk on my face. It is what it is. Today, my boss set up a meeting for the unit that ran through noon, so no noontime mat time. Boooo. How dare she make me do my job on the agreed-upon hours! I've decided that I'm going to go out tonight to do some striking sparring. There's an open mat afterward for grappling, and I don't know if I want to do that or not. Not sure how my shoulder would take that kind of volume of that kind of work. Think I can play it by ear and see how it shakes out.

This is something I'm thinking about a lot lately myself. Apparently, inflammation can be caused not just by diet but also by excessive exercise and other stressors. Of course, I still want to train, just like I want to experience sense pleasures related to food. I suspect in the end that it comes down to how much we can tolerate on the way to getting to live the lives we want to live.

Yeah, my newest boss is the same way. It's a refreshing change. She isn't pushy about hours and really presents to us as this transparent person who's trying to advocate for us to our superiors up the chain. I have no reason to disbelieve it yet. It's nice. I genuinely don't know how long it'll last, so I'm just going to appreciate it while it's here. * Goal 1: 6/10 Goal 2: 8/10 Goal 3: 8/10 Mm. About 6.7% off (22/30) from minimum to earn reward. It'll be helped some with my travel days, which are going to be a bye period as far as the goals are concerned. No reason to penalize myself for an inability to comply and all that. Got my steps at the office yesterday. My trainee told me that she's going to be remote working on Thursday, which is the other day I slated to be in the office (so I could mentor her). Having to be in the office for a person who's not going to be there is annoying, but I played myself on this one. I didn't know that she was going to be out. I don't know if I'd have done it any different, though, even if I had, since it turns out that any day in the office is a tough day for getting after stuff I want to get after. Just... is what it is. I was able to make it to the mats last night, and I was able to apply some stuff from the videos that I had studied, which was awesome! I'm going to count that for notetaking, since application of knowledge is every bit as useful for study as the acquisition. Today is just going to be walking and notes. It's a rest day as far as S&C is concerned and as I've said earlier, I just take those days completely off. It's a shame, since it's the one day of the week that we do no-gi stuff, but the chance to relax and focus on my caseload has actually been pretty nice. I'll still do qigong and drills and chess, just to scratch the itch. And it's something I need to do anyway, since I've signed up for an inhouse tournament on June 11. The coaches have been saying that this is supposed to be a friendly gathering, and they've been reiterating it every single time I've gone to class because I think they know that we're all gonna try to kill each other. It's fine with me. I actually know the folks in my division, and I think it can be a good match if I show up and fight. I've been feeling better about my rolls lately; I think it's a matter of being more intentional about getting to the mats and also being more intentional about my rest and recovery. Since walking is a recuperative activity for me at this point too, I think the added steps have helped. Maybe. We'll see. This travel time is going to throw a loop in everything, but I imagine that if I'm steady and consistent with getting out to the mats in the time between now and when we take off on Sunday that the break will feel good and I'll be better able to be present and intentional with my brother. Anyway. Laundry today. OT tonight. Getting ahead will be easy, so I'll get some steps in outside as well. Should be fun.

That sounds amazing.

Hey, you're preaching to the choir on this one. My life was measurably worse when I had to go to the office every day for a week - no space for life at all. My understanding is that the majority of office jobs have returned to fulltime office work, both on the grounds of "improved productivity" and the need to justify the expense of the office. To the former, I say, that's nuts. I imagine people are plenty productive, but the WFH arrangement probably allows people to reclaim some of their labor power for themselves, and the private sector can't stand to lose even a little of it. That's a remarkably greedy and unkind thing to ask of us in the abstract, but of course we're used to it, so there's no real movement to fight for us staying where we are and maybe having a bit of degrowth for once. Because the line, you see. It has to go up. As to the latter, well, we all have landlords, and they all suck. Get good, businesses. I have no time or sympathy for you. * Goal 1: 5/9 Goal 2: 7/9 Goal 3: 7/9 Right on, so let's get the past couple days caught up. So, Sunday I did not get my steps in. I have no real excuse for that beyond just getting caught up in my own head and letting the time go. I didn't make the open mat either on account of sleeping in super late on Sunday, past the point that the open mat was available. I think I needed the rest. Had one of those days where I got to bed relatively on time for me and then slept way past the point where I normally would. That's usually a sign that I need to recuperate and recover a bit, and it's my habit to honor that kind of thing. Did take good notes on Sunday, though. Monday, I returned to working from home, and so I was able to hit up noontime classes, so that happened. Took detailed notes again too. Couldn't get my steps, though, because I had an appointment with my orthodontist to see how the invisalign is working, and man, traffic was just a nightmare. Seems every road is being worked on at the same time, and they're all around my place, so it took forever to get places and I lost enough time that I had to focus on the job when I got back. Anyway, that brings us to today. I will be at the office. I'll have some time to get steps and that'll be good to get back to, and there's nothing tonight to interfere with mat time, which will be good. So. Cool.

Your music got me through a writing stint, and I appreciate it. In the spirit of taking one and leaving one:

Slow, maybe, but slow walking feeds a lot of benefits back into the system and I'm sure it'll help for when you're with others who want to go to Zone 4.

Goal 1: 5/7 Goal 2: 6/7 Goal 3: 5/7 Past couple days have been relatively packed, but good. Friday, I was in the office and training my trainee, so I couldn't make mat time happen. I got some steps in at the office, but not the full 30 minutes, and ultimately I was feeling kind of lazy, so instead of a longer walk at home, I just made up the last 10 minutes walking to the grocery store and back. Fun fact, I never actually bothered to quantify the distance there and back beyond it being a couple of blocks, so it's nice to have that data point. I couldn't make any mat time because of my work responsibilities, and I didn't really do anything in terms of note-taking. Boo on me. Saturday was pretty busy. It was determined that we would celebrate Mother's Day a day early, but I knew I could do my training and such if I just got moving and stayed that way. And so that's what I did. I got up early, did the swing portion of S&S, went to the mats for an hour and a half, came back and refueled, then did the get up portion of S&S, and finished with just enough time to clean up and get over to my parents' place. Went out for dinner and it was good times. It's probably the last time we'll be together as a family for a while, and there's a certain gravity to that. I'm really glad I was able to get out there for it and make it happen, and I was really surprised at how much I was able to get done. Splitting up the kettlebell work like that has always been an option, but it hasn't been one that I used so much. Might be something to consider going forward. Didn't have time to walk yesterday, though. Which, no wonder. Didn't exactly take detailed notes but went down a bit of a rabbit hole on side control stuff looking for easy guard resets before concluding that they all applied to very select situations that don't really apply to where I am. That particular issue continues to be, well, an issue. But so be it. Took my measurements yesterday and I'm more obese, which means that something isn't working. It is probably my nutrition, and that is probably something I'm going to need to re-examine. I have a really good idea of what kinds of macronutrient spreads my body and blood respond well to, so now it's a matter of dialing in the numbers and my habits. I don't really consider this a challenge because, believe it or not, I actually have a pretty good mental relationship with food. It's just a matter of figuring out what my body needs re: energy responses since a strict calories-in-calories-out model is muddied on account of my thyroid and the accompanying metabolic issues. I've been thoughtful about that a lot lately. Also, I forgot to mention! I have a prize that I'm pursuing: in the spirit of prizes that make me better, I'm looking at a simple plate carrier for rucking. Because I feel like that's the next and easiest step in terms of getting steps and them being challenging. I feel like that'll actually help my body and all my connective tissues get ready for the rigors of running and may in fact do a better job in the long run if the claims about the benefits are true (I'm skeptical). I don't really have any other prizes that I want at the moment, so if I get a passing grade - 80% total - I'll consider myself as having won. But that's for a month down the road. Today, there is training and walking and study and The Dread Laundry to be about. So best be about it.

😬 Reckon there's a lot of mixed feelings about that. It's nice that they think you're good enough that you don't need another interview. It would have been nicer if they gave you the job. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. Still, it's clear you're good enough. Now it's just a matter of holding on until you find something else.

Goal 1: 4/5 Goal 2: 4/5 Goal 3: 4/5 So it turned out that my writing friend is off and away on travel, so no writing. Wound up training instead. Which was dope. We got to work on a position that I'm bad at and our situationals afterward were about dealing with it. I had mixed results, which is better than consistently bad results as before. Progress. Needless to say, my detailed notes were about that. Worked at home yesterday, so wound up doing my steps after everything else. It was kind of refreshing to go to walk after work and training were done. Today, wound up at the office. Steps will be easy. And today's a rest day in the program, so I'm taking it completely off, beyond some stretching and wellness-type movement. Should be a good opportunity in here somewhere for notetaking and study.

We don't have the concept of musubi per se in BJJ but it definitely exists here. So I definitely get where this challenge is coming from. And I imagine that figuring out what's top priority is something that you learn and relearn over time, so no need to worry about not having figured it out yet. I suspect that's probably normal. Can't wait to see what the challenge looks like!

Goal 1: 3/4 Goal 2: 3/4 Goal 3: 3/4 So far, so good. I've been back and forth between apartment and office, and one of the striking things is how easy it is to get steps at the office versus working at home. My office is basically set up as this long loop, with cubicle farms lined up along the sides. So whenever I want, I can just get up, step out of the farm, and walk a couple laps, and bingo-bango, boom: 10 minutes of walking. The apartment isn't so easy, because I have to go outside. It's better walking, of course - sunlight, fresh air, varied terrain - but basically I have to do the entire half hour, and it's harder to get the job stuff done with a timesink like that. It's a fascinating contrast, which I don't think I've really appreciated before now. Since, now, I'm trying to do something about it. I made BJJ on Tuesday night and did detailed study. I made kickboxing last night and did no study. The kickboxing-only was purposeful as I'm still working on my shoulder and I'm trying to be tentative and cautious in going back to activity, just to see how the shoulder reacts. I had an appt with my PCP yesterday and she's of the opinion that we can do more to fix my shoulder than the ortho did; I'm looking into some additional treatments there. Should be good times. The lack of study was an accident, though. Totally slipped my mind. I have no excuse. Today, I would have gone to lunch training, but I forgot that the job has a regular meeting around lunch time that I can't get out of. So there's possible training tonight, and there's possible writing with friends tonight. Given my recent successes with mat time, I think I'm more amenable to it if friends want to get together tonight. Which tracks. That whole thing works out to a kind of balance back and forth, and a lot of my feelings in the matter are a result of me trying to balance and correct as I feel I have to. I still think this is a good goal, but I have to admit that it's hairier than I thought it'd be. I will continue with it, though. I think there's enough benefit for it to be worth it.

Thanks! I feel like it's the right thing to do, you know? "Eat-Move-Improve" and all that. Maybe? I'm generally catching them after they've done their workouts for the day, and they generally have enough going on that physically active meetups don't work out (heh). In my perfect world, we'd all go do jiu-jitsu and then wander back to healthy meals and sci fi after, but it's a pipe dream. * Goal 1: 1/2 Goal 2: 1/2 Goal 3: 2/2 All right, that's better. Took my steps yesterday, which felt good. No BJJ since the noontime work would have happened at a time when I was training my mentee. Did take detailed notes. No D&D last night either despite claims that the contrary would happen, since the friends that we needed had some family drama that they needed to talk through. Which, I mean, it's not the way I figured this would happen, but the outcome was as I predicted. Also got word from my brother that he wants my company with him for the move to Colorado, so it looks like I'm taking a road trip in the next couple weeks. Fun times. It cuts me off from doing some social stuff I wanted to do that weekend, but so be it. I gave my word. I'll keep it, and it's probably the last time I'm going to see my brother for a while, so I should probably do that anyway. Today, I'm in the middle of a rest cycle for my strength and conditioning work, so I'm going to do a single set of each of my chosen movements today - jumping parallel bar dips and planks. BJJ tonight; I was originally going to do a lunch class but I realized I was just not interested in tonight's social activities and so I noped out.